Someday
by 1974alner
Summary: Anastasia Steele almost had her happily ever after. Almost. After her boyfriend breaks up Ana leaves the country to return five years later. Then she sees the man that broke her heart, Christian Grey. He wants her back. He wants a second chance. The pull between them is stronger than ever, but will Ana be able to trust him after everything that happened?
1. Chapter 1

**Anastasia Steele almost had her happily ever after. Almost. After her boyfriend breaks up Ana leaves the country to return five years later. Then she sees the man that broke her heart, Christian Grey. He wants her back. He wants a second chance. The pull between them is stronger than ever, but will Ana be able to trust him after everything that happened?**

 **Someday**

 **Chapter 1 – Unexpected meetings**

 **Anastasia**

Before closing my little studio for the weekend I look at my schedule for next week. Marked in red is the appointment I have with Grace Grey on Monday at two in the afternoon. Not something I am really looking forward too. That has nothing to do with Grace however it has everything to do with her youngest son. Christian Trevelyan Grey. Christian fucking Grey. The only man I ever loved. The only man I ever trusted.

Grace was as polite and sweet as I can remember when I spoke her on the phone. And even though I could hear that she was curious about what happened between me and her youngest son five years ago she was all businesslike. Not that I was even entertaining the idea to discuss my relationship with her son with her, but I appreciated it that she didn't mention it. Instead of explaining over the phone what the assignment entailed she offered me to come over and discuss it at her home in Bellevue. The only thing she told me was that it had everything to do with The Coping Together gala. They want to raise awareness among other things.

I couldn't come up with a valid reason to reject her. Grace and Carrick have always been good to me. Just like Mia and Elliot.

I can totally do it. Because from what I've heard from Kate who has been dating Elliot for the past three years Christian shows up at the gala for one hour, he mingles with the crowd and then he leaves again. Maybe this year he will get this horrible flue that will make it impossible to leave his house. I don't mean him any harm, but it's just that I don't want to see him. And I am sure that he doesn't want to see me.

I mean I have been living in Seattle for six months now and I never bumped into him. Christian Grey, twenty six years old and already a billionaire. But then again, Christian's was determined in becoming a successful entrepreneur. _And what Christian Grey wants, what Christian Grey gets._

Annoyed at myself for letting my thoughts to wander off to Christian, I close the lid of my laptop a tad too forcefully. _Just forget him Ana. He is not worth it._

I still have one hour before I have to meet Kate, giving me enough time to drive home and change to something else. Maddened with myself, because I can't seem to get Christian out of my head, I make my way to my car, a new shiny black Volkswagen Beetle. Jesus Christ Steele! Just get over it. It has been what? 5 years? Actually it has been five years, three months and seventeen hours since Christian Grey decided to hurt me. Christian, the guy I trusted and thought loved me left me with one single note. Annoyed with my train of thought I pull my sun glasses over my eyes and drive out of the parking lot into Seattle's busy traffic. Unnoticed, my thoughts go back to that peculiar day and the events that led to my broken heart. I remember that day being the happiest of my life. Christian, who had been my boyfriend, soulmate and confidant for the last year took me away to for a romantic weekend. And then not even a week later everything went to shit.

* * *

"Well I really wish you hadn't told them that I was back Kate…" I look around in the crowded bar and make eye contact with a really hot looking guy on the other side of the room. He is tall, blonde and has an amazing body. It's a pity that I can't see the color of his eyes from here.

"It wasn't like that Ana. Grace started talking about the Coping Together Gala next May and she told me she was looking for a photographer and in my enthusiasm it might have slipped that you were in town…" At least she has the decency to look contrite. She takes a sip of her cosmopolitan and her eyes wander around the bar.

"We really should get something to eat Kate…"

"Aw, come one…just one more…" She signals the waiter and points to our now empty glasses. "The hot blond over there is totally checking you out Banana…"

"I'm not looking for a relationship Kate…" _Been there done that…_

"Geez Ana…you are twenty five years old and how long has it…"

"Kate…" I warn her. _Here we go again._

"Really Ana, just must be collecting cobwebs down there!" Smirking she points at my lady parts and thanks the waiter with a wink as he places the cosmopolitans in front of us.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with my…my…lady parts thank you very much!" I hiss in her ear.

"Ana…I don't know what happened between you and Christian…at least not everything because I somehow think you didn't tell me the entire story. All I know is that you guys were inseparable for almost one year then the two of you disappeared one night and then a week after that you called me asking me to pick you up from the airport. I drove you to your dad's house and then one week later I get a call that you are in England working for this amazingly rich lady as an au-pair."

"Just drop it Kate…" _But of course she doesn't._

"He is miserable too you know. He changed after that day." _I bet he did._

"I don't want to talk about him Kate…" I hiss.

"Do you know that he went to your dad's house the day you left the States?" _No I didn't_. "From what Elliot told me Christian practically disappeared for an entire year. When he came back he lived with Elliot for a few months. He was working day and night when he first started GEH. It took him almost six months before he started showing up at Grace's mandatory dinners and even then he left with some stupid excuse immediately after he finished. I have never seen him with someone else Ana…" _And that's where you are wrong Kate._ "Trust me Ana. Christian eats, breathes and shits GEH…" She pats my hand and the moment I get sight of the enormous rock on her finger a jab of pain crashes through my body. Kate is ready to get married to Elliot Grey in just a few months. She went to interview Christian for an interview but bumped into Elliot. The interview never took place, instead she went out for coffee with Elliot and they have been inseparable ever since.

"You know Kate you were right…I never told you the whole story so you really can't judge about me or him. Like I told you…he was the one that broke up with me. He left me that shitty piece of paper telling me that everything was a mistake…" I feel my voice waver and I instantly get mad at myself that with only the mention of his name my stomach is in knots and my mind goes into overdrive. "Please don't ruin this evening…please Kate…"

"I just want you happy Ana…"

"I am happy Kate. I have my own business. I have a few good friends, my parents I have travelled like I always wanted and I have Matilda of course." I giggle and I am insanely happy that I was able to divert that horrible conversation into a more pleasant topic.

Kate laughs at the mention of Matilda. "Your crazy neighbor huh?"

"She bakes the most amazing cookies Kate…and she is not crazy…she is just different…" _And lonely just like I am._ Because I can pretend all I want…because I have never been completely happy again after that night. There is always that undercurrent of loneliness. _Geez, get a fucking grip. You are pathetic Steele!_

"You should spend more time with that neighbor who lives on the first floor…" She wiggles her eyebrows and plays with the straw in her cocktail. "Come on what's his name again?"

"Justin…" I sigh.

"Oh yeah Justin with that great piece of ass and those amazingly blue eyes…shit Ana that guy is hot…" _Yes he totally is._ "And that beard of his Jesus…"

"Kate…he is a total playboy. He owns a club and from what Mathilda told me he comes home with a different girl every night…"

"Elliot was a playboy before I met him and look at him now!" She says smugly.

"Elliot doesn't have any commitment issues. Justin has that written all over his face Kate…" _His very handsome face that is._

"Maybe…but then again. You just told me you aren't looking for a relationship…so why don't you live a little. Just bang the guy already Steele…he asked you out how many times?" _Every day since I moved into that apartment complex six months ago._

"I don't keep count Kate…" I lie effortlessly.

She shakes her head shaking her perfect strawberry blond curls. "Elliot is spending the evening with Christian…it's rare you know…"

I groan frustrated. "Kate please…please. You know I am perfectly okay that you are going to marry Elliot, because he is amazing. He is funny, loving and he is crazy in love with you. But we made a deal. We were never ever going to discuss Christian Grey. I don't want to talk about him. I just don't."

"I'm sorry…I won't mention him again." She acquiesces. _Well, about damn time!_

Half an hour later I have finally convinced Kate to have dinner. We pick out a small Italian restaurant that opened just a few months ago. The reviews are amazing, so of course Kate just needed to check this place out.

A very beautiful looking brunette welcomes us at the door and guides us to a table at the end of the restaurant. Walking behind Kate and the brunette I scan my eyes through the restaurant because I have this weird feeling in my belly. The hairs on the back of my neck rise as I look at the table in the far end. I see Elliot first. He is talking animatedly, signaling with his hands like he always does when he gets excited about something. My eyes move to the man sitting across from him. _Christian._ He is probably reacting at something that Elliot just told him because he throws his head back and starts laughing a deep belly laugh gaining the attention of all the other woman in the restaurant. I didn't think it would be possible but he is even more handsome than I remember. _How is that even possible?_

"Ana…I didn't know they would be here…" Kate whispers in my ear. Suddenly I regret the mimosa's I had in the bar.

"It's okay Kate…but I would like to go." Without awaiting her answer I am already turning to get the hell out of here and quickly as possible.

"I will meet you up front in two minutes I am just going to say hi to Elliot…" Kate has her hand clasped around my arm, making it impossible for me to move.

"No…you stay here with him. I know that you barely saw each other this week…just go and join them. I will call you later…" I am already walking towards the exit when I hear Elliot's voice booming through the restaurant.

"Katie?" _Crap._

Go Ana go. Bumping against the waitress and a few chairs I finally make my way to the exit. Outside I fill my lungs with fresh air. _Breathe Ana, breathe…_

I fidget with my watch and the strap of my bag ... my hands are shaking and I curse myself for this strong reaction. Just when I finally find my phone to text Kate… I feel him behind me.  
"Anastasia?"

"Go away please…" I whisper and start typing a message to Kate. I don't know if it makes any sense because my vision is blurred due to the tears that are gathering in my eyes.

"Anastasia please…" _Don't turn back Ana. Don't look at him. Ignore him. Treat him like he treated you all those years ago._

After sending Kate the text I shove my phone into my bag and start walking. I need to get away. I need to get as far away from his as possible. Why am I reacting this way? Why do I feel this amazingly yet annoying pull towards the man that broke my heart. I know why, because once upon of time Christian was the most loving and caring boyfriend a girl could wish for.

 _Flashback:_

" _Anastasia you deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you are doing, where you are, who you are with and if you are ok. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you very happy, really happy, dancing on air happy." Christian then cleared his throat and took both of my hands in his._

" _Anastasia I think you are the most beautiful and sweetest girl in the world. Would you do me the honor in becoming my girlfriend?" His gray eyes looked at me with so much hope and love that the only thing I could do was to pull him down by his sweater and kiss him again and again._

" _Yes, Christian. It would be an honor to be your girlfriend."_

 _End flashback._

"Anastasia please…" His voice is so smooth, he sounds much more mature. _Don't stop Ana. Just keep walking_.

I don't know why but I stop. _I might as well get this over with._ He is standing so close to me that I can feel the heat emanating from his body. I can even smell his intoxicating scent. He smells good. _He always smelled good._

"What do you want?" I still have my back turned towards him, because I know that the moment I lay eyes on him I will cave.

"Please Anastasia can you turn around and look at me?" _Why is he doing this? Why won't he listen to me?_ "Please" He pleads again. _He never listened to your pleading Ana._ _He threw you out and never looked back._

"You have one minute." I say turning around and avoiding his face. I look over his shoulder and focus on a couple that is standing a few feet away from us, laughing and kissing.

"You look beautiful Ana…" His remark goes straight to my heart. How many times didn't he tell me in the past that I was beautiful? How many times didn't he tell me that I was his everything? _He lied. Everything turned out to be a huge big lie._

"You have forty five seconds…" I say still not looking at him. However from the corner of my eye I see him lifting his arm. "Don't you dare touch me…" I growl and take one step back. "Thirty seconds…"

"I need to talk to you Ana. And I can't say what I need to say in thirty seconds…"

"If I were you I would make it quick because there are only fifteen seconds left…"

"Have dinner with me Ana…"

"No…"

"Ten seconds…" His hands move to his hair and I now he is brushing both hands through his beautiful copper curls. He is probably pulling at the ends because he feels frustrated, maybe even angry. Well fuck him. _He deserves angry, he deserves frustration, and he deserves to be hurt. But mostly he deserves rejection._

"I can't explain five years of pain in ten seconds Anastasia. Please at least give me the chance to explain."

"You don't know pain even if it hit you right in your face. Besides your time is up…goodbye Christian."

I turn around on my heels. My surroundings are blurred because of the tears that are now falling from my eyes. The pain that I managed to tuck away for these last five years has found his place back into my heart. Maybe Kate is right. Maybe I should fuck the memories of Christian away with a complete stranger. Maybe I should take Justin's invitation and go out with him. No romance, no fuss…just sex. But first I need a drink. No make that two drinks.

* * *

"Thank you and have a nice evening" I slur to the cab driver as I step out of the taxi in front of my apartment. He mumbles something unintelligible before I am able to close the door and then drives away. _How rude._ "At least I didn't throw up in your car ass hole" I yell at the cab as I slowly make my way to the front door. It takes me a few minutes to finally open the door.

"Great now the elevator is out of order…" I mumble. A great idea comes to mind when I arrive at the first floor. Justin's floor. His door is calling me in…Justin lives there.

 _Come on Steele…grow some balls. Live a little and have sex with Justin!_

I have absolutely no idea how long I am standing in the hallway staring at the closed door leading to Justin's apartment. But before I knock I fluff my long hair with both of my hands and pinch my cheeks to gain some color on my face. _Here goes nothing._

It doesn't take very long before the door opens and there he is. Justin whose last name I don't even know. "Ana?"

I am momentarily stunned with his presence. _Oh God. Kate should see this._ Justin is wearing nothing but black boxer shorts. He has a broad chest, not overly broad actually it is perfect. Would it be weird if I licked him? _Yeah…totally. Totally weird._

My eyes take him in. He really has a great body. He is muscular but not bulky. He is perfect. I have no idea if it is due to my intoxication but my eyes just want to drift down. _Don't look Ana…don't look down there._

I am really fighting the urge to look down there. Instead I focus on his eyes…he has amazing blue eyes, Kate was right…and his chest. Oh shit his nipples…don't look at his nipples either. And then it happens…my eyes automatically drift to his junk. _Oh my god. I bet he has a big penis. There is only one way to find out…maybe I should squeeze him just a little bit…_

"Ana are you drunk?"

"Noooo…" I slur and wave my hand in the air almost losing my balance in the process. His brow furrows and I see the corners of his mouth lifting into a beautiful smile. _He even has perfect teeth._

Of course he has perfect teeth. _He has perfect teeth because he is Justin with the nice ass whose last name I don't know._

"I think you are drunk…" He says eying me up and down. Suddenly I feel really self-conscious. "Why don't you give me a minute I'll put on my jeans and help you up the next three floors…"

"You don't have to put your jeans on my account…really you look penis…I mean hot…I mean…" I groan and close my eyes. This is so not going the way I imagined it should go.

"Come on beautiful let me help you to your apartment…" He says chuckling. _You made a complete fool out of yourself Anastasia Rose Steele._

"I think they changed the locks while I have been away…did they change your lock too?" I turn my head to look at Justin but I regret it immediately. "Maybe if you could actually insert the key it would help…" Justin chuckles. My head swipes back to my hands holding my keys when the hallway starts to spin and before I know it everything turns black.

Pancakes…coffee. Oh the smell is amazing. My eyes snap open and my heart starts furiously beating against my ribcage. _Oh crap._ Bits and pieces are slowly coming back to me. Kate. Drinks. Dinner…well actually it was an attempt to have dinner. Then Christian, devastation…drinks and more drinks…and drunk. And then the cataclysm of the evening. _Justin._

I groan and let my head sink deeper into my pillow. And then my eyes snap open again. But who is making breakfast? Kate has a key. I almost laugh at the absurdity of that idea. Kate doesn't cook simply because she can't cook. Kate would have gone to Starbucks and not cook. Then she would have pulled the sheets from my body and she would have started talking. So this is definitely not Kate…Then who is in my apartment making breakfast? _It can only be one person. Justin. Crap!_

I peek under the covers and see that I am only wearing my underwear. _Oh shit_. Did I get undressed or did he undress me? Quickly jumping out of my bed I tiptoe to the bathroom and quickly pull on some shorts and a tank top. Damn Ana you should have done your laundry. I quickly brush my hair and pull it in a bun on top of my head. _This will have to do._

Slowly without making any noise I stick my head through the door and watch Justin with the perfect ass cooking breakfast. He is still wearing those nice jeans. The muscles on his back move every time he flips a pancake. I bite my lip to suppress a groan and straighten my shoulders. _It's time to face the music Ana._

"Good morning!" I say as chipper as possible ignoring the pounding in my head.

"Hey good morning…" Justin turns around with a spatula in his hand. He eyes me up and down and grins. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah…I did…"

I watch the breakfast bar and look warily at the barstools. Shit I told Kate that they were just a tad too high when I bought them, but according to her they matched with the kitchen. So now every time I want to sit on one of those freaking barstools I almost break my neck.

"Here you go" Justin places a steaming cup of coffee on the breakfast bar.

"Thank you…"

"Milk?" He holds the bottle of non-fat milk in the air.

"Yeah…" _Yeah? Yeah?_ So not cool Ana.

Your phone has been ringing the entire time. Justin points at my bag which is laying on the loveseat. Then my eyes wander to the couch and I see a blanket and a pillow. "You slept on the couch?" I whisper.

"Yeah…I didn't know if you would get sick again. So I stayed with you first and then when I wanted to go back to my apartment I realized that I had locked myself out. So I just called my business partner Brian and asked him if he wanted to bring me my spare set keys. He will be here shortly." He explains.

"Oh…did you sleep all right?"

"Sure…your couch is comfortable." He turns around again giving me the perfect view of his ass and back again.

"Did you undress me?"

"Yes, I did…you threw up after I carried you inside. I already washed your clothes…" Wow, not only has Justin an amazing face and ass…he is also caring and very domesticated. _Perfect._

When I hear my phone …. "It's raining men" my special ringtone for Kate, I hop of the damn stool and pull my phone out of my bag. Shit. I have twenty five text messages from Kate and ten missed calls.

Kate: Where are you? K

Kate: Call me. K.

Kate: Call me now. K

Kate: Damnit Ana…call me. K.

Kate: Ana I'm worried. Call me. K.

I skip the rest of the messages and type one back really quick.

Ana: Sorry. I'm fine. Just woke up. I will call you ASAP. Love you. A.

Not ten seconds later I receive another message. _Tenacious much?_

Kate: You have to call me Ana. K

 _Geez. Where is the freaking fire?_

Ana: Later. I text back and toss my phone at the side.

"Breakfast is served…"

Clearing my throat I make my way to the breakfast bar and shoot a little prayer to the heavens that I don't fall flat on my ass while I try to get on the barstool. _I am so throwing these things out._ Kate is to blame if I make a complete fool of myself.

"Thank you for this." I gesture with my fork at my plate filled with pancakes. "You shouldn't have…I mean you already had to stay here to babysit me…"

"No problem…" His Adam's apple moves up and down while he swallows. "It is actually a great way to get to know each other better…" He takes a sip of his coffee and watches me.

"So tell me about yourself Ana…"

"There isn't much to tell." I shrug. "I'm Anastasia Steele, but everybody calls me Ana…I moved here six months ago. Before I moved here I lived in New York were I worked as a photographer for a model agency. Before that I worked as an au-pair in London for a single mother with the cutest daughter ever."

"So that's why you are always carrying those cameras with you." He states and slowly brings another forkful of pancakes to his perfect mouth.

"I am a freelance photographer. I studied literature, but I dropped out. Then when I moved to England I decided to take a photography course. They told me I had talent and well you know how it goes one thing led to another. And with the help of my dad I managed to start my own business…"

"So all these pictures?" He waves with his hand around my apartment where photos are all over the place.

"I made those…" I whisper.

"They are amazing. You really do have talent." He says. And he looks sincere.

"Thank you…" Brushing my sweaty hands on my bare legs I force myself to look at him.

"And what about you?"

"I'm Justin Callahan, I am thirty and I have been living here for the last three years enjoying Mathilda's cookies." He winks at me and I giggle at his statement. _Mathilda makes really good cookies._

"As I already told you I am co-owner at a club and I have been doing that for three years now. Before I was a carpenter…"

"Wow…that's right the career switch."

"Guess I was ready for a new challenge. And my buddy didn't have enough funds to start the club on his own so I helped him out…"

I nod my head and I am surprised at how at ease if feel with Justin. He has proved to be the perfect gentleman.

"Where did you study literature?"

"Harvard…but like I mentioned before, I didn't finish it…much to my dad's annoyance I dropped out…" I can't even look at him after my confession.

"Have you regretted it?"

"No…" I say slowly. "I never regretted dropping out…it was more the disappointment it caused my parents…especially my dad…" He nods his head and I am glad he isn't pushing it any further.

I jump up when I hear a knock on the door. "Ah that must be Brian, my business partner with my keys…" Justin explains when he sees the confusion written all over my face. Gracefully, Justin steps from the barstool and makes his way to the door.

I hear some male voices. That's weird…why are they raising their voices? I hear the door close and footsteps approaching the living room.

"I guess it wasn't Brian…" Justin says and comes to stand next to me.

"Do you know this guy Ana?" Like we have been friends our entire life Justin slips his arm around my waist and I can only stare at the other man standing in my kitchen.

 _What in the hell is Christian doing here?_

* * *

 **A/N: Hey! Well I have been toying with this idea for a while now. But first things first. There will be no cheating. This isn't a cheating story! They will have a HEA, but first Ana needs to start trusting Christian again. This story is mostly about second changes, trust and forgiveness.**

 **Ana is slightly OOC and Christian is the same, however with a few twists and turns.**

 **I am going and try to update this story once a week.**

 **The 'flashback', meaning what Christian tells Ana, is something I got from Pinterest. It is written by Cecelia Ahern.**

 **Don't forget to check out the Pinterest page: nl . pinterest 1974alner / someday /**

 **Now…I would really like to know what your thoughts are.**

 **Alner X**


	2. Chapter 2 - Unpleasant meetings

**Wow! You totally blew me away with the reviews and PM's! I am so glad you liked the first chapter. I know you have a lot of questions. Some of them will be answered shortly…others will be answered later on in the story. Have patience please. But now on with the story!**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Anastasia – Unpleasant meetings**

Questions are twirling through my mind as I stand transfixed watching Christian in all his handsome glory. Now that I am actually looking at him it strikes me that he is even more handsome than the last time I saw him five year ago. His face is covered with a sexy stubble, his hair is a little longer than it used to be and somehow his face got even more masculine.

His shy smile pulls me back to the horrifying present. Christian Trevelyan Grey is standing in my kitchen.

How does he know where I live? Who told him? Why is he here? _Why the hell is he here?_

In the meanwhile Christian is looking from Justin, who still has his arm possessively wrapped around my waist to me. The smile that was just on his face fades and then his face goes from angry to astound and then back to angry in just a matter of seconds. I almost forgot. Mercurial Christian. And he is standing in my kitchen. _Well shit_.

"Go" I say.

"Ana. We need to talk." He presses.

"Ana. Do you know this guy?" Justin asks and brushes his mouth against my temple. _Why are his lips on me? God. What a mess_. And here I was thinking that Justin was attractive but seeing Christian after all this years…Justin doesn't even do him justice.

"Barely…" I answer Justin but I am somehow unable to drop my eyes from Christian.

I can clearly see that my words hurt him. But fuck him. He hurt me too all those years ago. Does he really expect that I am going to jump back into his arms and forget about everything?

"I am only asking five minutes of your time Anastasia." Christian tries again. "You owe me five fucking minutes Anastasia…" He sounds exasperated. And he is calling me Anastasia…ugh.

Pulling myself free from Justin's hold I take a step forward. "I don't owe you shit Christian. Now don't let me say this again. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Apartment."

"You heard her man." Justin says and starts walking to where Christian is standing.

"And who the fuck are you anyway?" Christian growls.

"None of your fucking business. But you don't look all too stupid. So seeing what she is wearing and what I am wearing…I'm sure you can connect the dots right?" I wince at the smugness in Justin's voice. A flicker of anger flashes through Christian's eyes. His hands are clenched at his side. His mouth set in a thin line. _Oops angry Christian is going to rear his not so ugly head_.

"Are you fucking him?" Christian says disbelievingly.

"Get out…just go and don't come back. I don't want to see you."

"I won't give up Ana…you know I always get what I want." Before I can stop myself I feel my hand connecting with his cheek. The sound resonates through the kitchen and my hand stings like hell. _Shit that hurt._

How dare he! How dare he say that to me. After all the hurt he caused me.

"I am not giving up until you let me explain everything Anastasia…" With a last glare towards Justin, Christian turns on his heels and slams the door behind him.

* * *

Seated in a little Bistro in downtown Seattle I await Kate's arrival. I am going to strangle her.

Justin's friend came five minutes after Christian left this morning to bring him his keys for his apartment. To say that the atmosphere turned awkward and mortifying after Christian left would be an understatement. I also told him in not so uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate the touching. I mean I appreciate that he stayed with me and that he cooked me breakfast, but that's were our relationship ends. What was I even thinking in wanting to jump into some kind of friends with benefit relationship with Justin? I am not that kind of girl. I am not the kind of girl who knocks at a guy's door drunk out of her mind to propose sex. I mean it never came to that, but that's just because I was completely wasted and passed out. I know for sure that I would have regret sleeping with him. I was heading towards a disaster and I have no one to blame but myself.

Justin wanted to know who Christian was and I didn't want to tell him. He gave up pretty easily and then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him this week. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call him if I wanted to have a good time. _I am so not going out with Justin._ I need Mathilda's cookies, wine and intense therapy after what happened this morning in my apartment.

The sound of clicking heels against the floor warns me of Kate's arrival. I deliberately don't look up from my phone, but wait until she is sitting in the chair opposite of me. Still ignoring her I put my phone on the table and slowly lift my face to look into Kate's panicky eyes. _She has every reason to be panicking right now._

"What the hell were you thinking Katherine Kavanagh" I hiss at her.

"Ana…"

"I told you several times that I don't want to talk about Christian, I don't want to think about Christian and I most definitely don't want to talk to Christian. Now tell me what is so hard to understand about that?"

"It is just that yesterday he looked so upset when you didn't want to talk to him and then this morning he showed up at my apartment…and he begged me for your address." Kate isn't looking at me. She is fidgeting with her sleeves.

"You gave him my address…" I sigh and bury my head in my hands. "You are supposed to be my best friend Kate…I need to trust you…"

"I'm sorry Ana…" She says after a while. "I felt sorry for him…he was pleading with me…can you imagine Christian Grey pleading?" She says in a whisper.

"You felt sorry for him? After what he did to me you feel sorry for that son of a bitch?" I whisper yell at her. "I don't care if he was on his knees begging for my address, but you are my friend Kate!"

"He would have found out by himself Ana…that guy is crazy about background checks. He even did a background check on me when I started dating Elliot…"

"I don't care Kate. Besides I would have had a reason to slap him instead of you! Because my hands are itching…"

"You want to slap me?" She says quietly.

"You have no fucking idea Kate…"

"It was five years ago Ana…maybe you should hear him out…maybe then you will finally be able to put this all behind you…"

"But you don't get to decide that for me do you Kate?" I fist my hands on my lap and fight the urge to slap her _. I really, really want to slap her._

"You have been running away Ana…you dropped out of Harvard because the memories were too much to handle… you left for England and then after almost three years instead in returning to Seattle you decide to live in New York for a few years…If that's not running…"

"I wasn't running Kate…you know…" Suddenly I feel tired and extremely sad. _Was I running? Is Kate right?_ Maybe I was…however it didn't feel that way at the time. I was doing what I wanted to do ever since I was little. I wanted to visit England and that's what I did. And then I guess life just happened.

"Tell me what happened Ana…what did he do to you, what did he say?"

"I can't tell you Kate. That is something between Christian and me…ask him if you want…it seems that you have grown extremely close these last couple of years…" I can't help the snarky etch to my voice but it is the way I feel.

"We barely tolerate each other Ana. I have never met such a controlling asshole in my life…and not to mention that he is boring as fuck. I don't think I have ever seen him laugh…you know like really laugh." She waves her hand in the air. "You know never mind, fact is that he is going to be my brother in law. I am marrying his brother in three months…" I want to yell at her that I know. I know that she is going to marry Elliot Grey…Christian's brother. She is getting something I could have had years go…but instead I got dumped like a bag of potatoes. I was shoved to the side and he never looked back. _And now he wants to talk. Whatever._

"You are my maid of honor Ana and Christian is Elliot's best man…"

"I know and I told you I could handle that…" _Liar, liar, liar._

"Ana…" Kate slides her hands over the table and wiggles with her fingers. Reluctantly I place my hands in hers. "Give him a chance…" She immediately stops talking after my angry eyes dart to hers.

"I'm not saying that you should forgive him. And neither am I saying that you should call him now and agree to all of his wishes. Think about it and then maybe in a few weeks you will be able to talk to him. Let him explain…you owe that to yourself…"

I just nod. But not because I am considering her idea…but just because I want to get this over with. I don't want to talk to Christian. I don't want to listen to anymore of his lies. _Not now. Not ever._

"Do you know that he doesn't bear to be touched anymore?" Kate is running her finger along the brim of her coffee cup.

"Kate please…"

"Ever since you guys broke up he went back in being that weird closed off guy…" _He wasn't weird…he was just hurt, confused. But why do I care anyway?_

Kate keeps on talking and I zone out. She is right though Christian was closed off. When we passed each other on campus he always looked mad. He was always wearing that frown, he was always scowling. I saw him a couple of times in the little coffee shop called "Daisies" close to where my dorm was. He always noticed me but I was always greeted by his scowl. That until he approached me few days later after he just finished with his rowing practice.

 _Flashback_

" _Are you following me?" I jump up and look at the extremely scowled face belonging to that very intense and extremely handsome guy. I know that his name is Christian, but other than that there were rumors that he was gay._

" _I beg your pardon?" I say completely offended by his tone of voice._

" _You are following me around. First I bump into you all around campus, then you accidentally come every fucking day to "Daisies" to have your fucking Latte and read and now you are here where I happen to have rowing practice…"_

" _Not that it is any of your business..." I say standing up from my secluded spot by the tree. "But I happened to go to "Daisies" before you even showed up there…bumping into you on campus is accidental, because trust me looking at that scowling face is not fun and third I come here all the time. So why don't you fuck off…" His mouth opens and closes. I have to stifle a giggle watching him struggling with his words._

" _I am not interested…" He finally manages to say. "You are not my type…you are definitely not my type" He adds quickly. He thinks I am following him? Jesus, he is a cocky, smug, conceited son of a bitch._

" _Well you are not my type either…I don't like condescending, arrogant, aloof and ugly guys…" Well okay that last one is a complete lie, because the guy is anything but ugly. He is incredibly handsome with his copper colored hair that seems to have a life of its own, his perfect sculptured lips…and his eyes…I have never seen such beautiful eyes._

 _Forcing his lips into a straight line he moves extremely close. He is standing so close to me that I have to look up to see his face. Oh and he smells good too. I feel his breath caressing my ear when he leans closer. "I don't want to see you here anymore…fuck off…" Before he turns around he points his finger at me. "I always get what I want…" He adds with a gleam in his eye._

 _With that he turns around and walks away._

 _End Flashback._

This went on for weeks, because stubborn as I am I didn't listen to him. I kept going to "Daisies", I kept going to my favorite place to read or study nearby where the guys of the rowing team would practice and I kept accidentally bumping into him at campus. And why wouldn't I? Because he said so. Then he had another thing coming.

Then one day, three weeks after the first time he told me to fuck off he came to sit next to me after his rowing practice.

"You are one stubborn woman…" He said staring straight ahead. Snapping back was at the tip of my tongue, but something about him seemed so vulnerable that I couldn't do it. So I extended my hand and introduced myself.

"Anastasia Steele…"

"Christian Grey…" The moment our hands touched a buzzling feeling tingled over my arm making my stomach doing weird flip-flops. _Wow._

After that day we started to hang out. His behavior was confusing though. Christian could be warm one second and then cold the other. He could go from aloof to warm and kind. It was mind boggling. But I was determined to find out wat he was hiding. Even though he was still so young, he was pretty intense and behaved much more mature. Nothing like the other guys I knew. Naïve little Ana actually thought that she had squeezed her way into his heart. A heart that he said he didn't have.

I almost snort at absurdity of my feelings back then. I was so head over heels in love with him, that I didn't mind his controlling behavior or his jealousy. And Even though that little voice in the back of my head kept telling me that I would never be enough for a guy like Christian I couldn't give up...I was to blinded by love to see who he really was. Christian with all his plans for the future. Christian with his handsome face and perfect physique. Christian who drew the attention of every girl at Harvard. Christian who knew since he had been a little boy that he wanted to start his own business…he knew since he was adopted by the Grey's that he wanted to become rich…he never wanted to be poor again. He had it all worked out. As for me? Not so much. I knew I wanted to visit England at some point in my life…but never actually planned in when and how. The reason I was studying literature was to please my parents, mostly my dad. I never understood what he saw in someone like me. I was just me…plain and he was well perfect…or so I thought.

It took me a while to realize that I just saw what I wanted to see. I saw a broken guy who I wanted to fix. Little did I know that it would only last one year…until I was the one that needed fixing. I can't say he didn't warn me though.

After he dumped me I tried to finish Harvard, I really did…I wanted my dad to be proud of me. I will never forget Ray's face when I told him I was admitted…he was so proud… but I couldn't. Everywhere I went there was a memory of Christian. I stayed there one week before I decided that I needed to leave. In that week I managed to apply for that job in England. The fight that followed after I informed my dad that I was leaving to England for the unforeseeable future was horrible. I hated that I had to disappoint him, but the truth was that studying literature was never a passion of mine. Sure I liked books and reading, but I just didn't see myself working as a teacher or worse as an editor in a stuffy publishing house. I wanted freedom…

The chiming sound of the door opening pulls me from my thoughts. Kate is just looking at me, maybe she thinks I want to talk about Christian. But I don't. I really don't.

"You actually didn't hear one damn thing what I was saying did you?" Kate says chuckling.

"Justin stayed the night…" I mumble.

"What?" Kate bolts up in her chair and her hand automatically reaches for mine. She holds it tightly and her smile grows wider and wider.

"You slept with Justin?" She says moving her head closer to mine so that our conversation won't be overheard. I am just about to say that I didn't sleep-sleep with him when she begins her interrogation.

"Oh my gosh Ana Steele you little slut!" I stare at her dumbfounded what makes her smack my shoulder playfully. "Don't just sit there and stare at me…tell me already is that ass of his naked just as good as when it looks when he is wearing jeans…was it good? Did he make you come…is he big?"

"Jesus Kate take a breath!" I shove her now cold coffee in front of her and urge her to drink.

"I can't take a freaking breath when my best friend just told me that she has had sex with one of the sexiest guys in Seattle…well except my man of course..." She giggles. _And except Christian I want to add, but I keep my mouth shut._

"Details I want all the dirty details. But first the most important one…does he have a big dick?" I shouldn't be surprised by Kate's questions or even the way she is calling Justin's private parts but I am. "Can you please not be so crass…" I hiss.

"You're such a prude Steele…" She takes a sip of her coffee and grimaces. "Ugh…that tastes horrible…it's cold…" She shudders and places the mug back on the table.

"Now…where were we…oh yeah we were trying to determine the size of his … tonsil tickler…"

"Oh my god Kate will you just shut up…"

"You don't like tonsil tickler either…" She drums with her fingers on the table and then shrugs.

"Ding-a-long…" She says cocking her eyebrow. "Is that a better description?"

"I didn't sleep with hem like you think Kate…" I mutter. Then I explain to her everything what transpired yesterday from the moment Christian accosted me on the sidewalk to the moment I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee and pancakes.

"You told him you wanted to lick him?" Kate is trying to keep a straight face but she is failing miserably.

"No Kate I didn't say it out loud…" At least I hope I didn't. "That thought just crossed my mind…" I shrug.

"And now he has asked you on a date?" Seeing Kate's expression I know she slipped into interrogation mode. She is like a dog with a freaking bone.

"It's not a date-date Kate. He owns a club and he told me that they are throwing a nineties party tonight and that if I wanted to have a good time that he would make sure to arrange a table for me and my friends in the VIP section."

"What club does he own?"

"Club 9" I say casually.

"But that is one of the hottest club in Seattle Ana. You know we have been trying for ages to get in there…" She shrieks. _Not we…you I want to correct her but I don't get the time._

"You told him you were coming right?" She presses holding her breath.

"Kate…"

"Ana…you are calling him and you are telling him that you are coming…"

"I don't have anything to wear…"

"Well leave that up to me Steele…" She grabs my phone from the table and shoves it in my hand. "Call him…"

"No…"

"Ana call him or I will…"

"I'll text him…" I mutter.

A few moments later it is all set and done. It seems we are going clubbing today. _Great._

After Kate and I say goodbye I walk back to my apartment and grab my camera. This is what works best for me. When I have to deal with something I make pictures. Seeing the world through the lens is easier. A hell of a lot easier. That is the best way to find my focus.

When I look through my lens my world changes. I look for interesting people or emotions…my favorite are older people or children, their faces are extremely expressive. I also love to capture anything that involves the natural scenery.

Walking the streets of Seattle I notice that my mind keeps drifting to Christian. He looked very well this morning. He was wearing black jeans with a gray cable knit sweater. Why the hell did he have to show up? My life is was going well. I was finally able to put the hurt and embarrassment behind me after almost two years. It was hard at first but with the change of scenery it worked. Well that is when I was working. Baby-sitting a two year old was exhausting, challenging and quite a responsibility. But Elizabeth was the sweetest. I had endless tea-parties with her and every one of them was fun. But when Elizabeth was asleep I was on my own with my thoughts and feelings. Why did he end things that way? Was I never good enough for him? I know that his father had his questions when we started dating, but as time passed I became a member of the Grey family. Grace was happy from the very beginning. She is really an angel like Christian sometimes said. Warm and openhearted. Sometimes she was more like a mother to me than my own mother.

I only notice that I am standing motionless in the middle of the sidewalk when someone runs into me. The smell of perfume fills my nose and I sneeze. _Oh God, what a horrible smell._

The woman responsible for spreading that awful smell turns around at the same moment I look up. At first I see a mass of blond hair, then evil blue eyes staring at me. _I know those eyes._

"Well, well, well…if it isn't the mousy Anastasia Steele…" She sneers. _Guess some things never change._

"I'm sorry do we know each other?" I ask innocently. Because I do remember her. _Elena Fucking Lincoln._ Who could forget someone like her?

Then something horrible happens. She throws her botoxed head back and starts laughing like a hyena on speed. _Geez_. Her neck is now visible and exposes a wrinkled neck. _Gross._

"Oh God now I remember." I squeal and theatrically slap my forehead with my hand. "It is you…Oh my god I can't believe I didn't recognize you…I mean what has it been…five years right?" I shake my head and force myself to look at her and keep a smile plastered on my face. "Well you know what they say right…" I playfully hit her arm and remind myself to wash my hands as soon as I get home. "Beauty comes with age…well I'm sorry Elena but that surely doesn't apply to you…" I keep the smile on my face and this time it slowly transforms to a real smile seeing the confusion on her face. But wait, maybe that is the constant state her face stays in. "Oh…what's that?" I point to her wrinkly neck and scrunch up my nose. "They missed a few wrinkles…" The evil skank is now gasping for air and looking around her to see if anybody is watching us.

"You watch it missy…" She sneers when she finally finds her voice back. "With only one snap of my fingers I will destroy that little business of yours…"

"Tsk, tsk, Tsk…Elena. Didn't your mommy tell you that threatening people is not polite…but I guess that politeness isn't listed in your vocabulary or your values for that matter? Because I actually never realized how evil your eyes are and how horrid you look. But that must be the way you live. You lie, you cheat, you are conniving, manipulating and let's not forget a pedophile…your heart, if you even have one must be ugly, black and rotten to the core." She takes a step back and clutches her Chanel bag with her red fake talons. "Surprise!" I say throwing my hands in the air. "I know Elena…I know everything." I take a step back from the evil woman and take a huge breath of air. "And another thing, I am not that naïve girl anymore…so think twice if you decide to mess with me."

Pointing my finger in her ugly face I continue. "I know all about your dirty, filthy games. I know all about your manipulative and unscrupulous behavior." Something snaps in her because she straightens her shoulders and pushes those fake tits of her out. Her ugly face hardens making her lips curl into a nasty sneer.

"He left you …for me…just remember that little girl…"

I am glad that she turns around and walks away because I feel my knees buckling after what she shared with me. _It was her? He left me for her?_

* * *

 **Author's note: Okay ladies…breathe in…breathe out…don't get your knickers in a twist, because not everything is what it seems!**

 **Next chapter Christian's POV.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Lies

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 3 – Lies**

 **Christian**

"What the ever living fuck where you thinking you stupid asshole?" Elliot hisses at me while we are seated at a little coffee shop, just a few blocks away from Anastasia's apartment. I took me some pleading with Kate, but finally she relented. _Miraculously._ What I didn't expect was the guy standing with Ana in her kitchen wearing practically nothing.

"She isn't an acquisition you dick!" Elliot huffs in an exasperated voice. The vein on his forehead ready to pop.

"How many times did I tell you to cool your jets? To take it slow. But you are such a stubborn motherfucker…" Annoyed he shoves his plate away from him and leans back in the chair.

"Are you finished?"

"No I am not finished!"

"I just need to talk to her Ell…I need to make her understand."

"And you think that by barging on her like that in her apartment that she was going to jump straight back into your arms and give you a blowjob as a welcome home gift? You are lucky she didn't cut your balls of man…"

"Will you stop being so fucking crass Elliot!" I hiss when I see the people surrounding us looking in our direction.

"Just saying Christian. She doesn't trust you." I brush both hands over my face and sigh. Elliot is right, she doesn't trust me and rightly so. She never deserved the way I broke up with her, even though it was more than breaking up…I made a mistake a horrible mistake that is and I knew I was making that mistake the moment I let her walk away from my apartment. Hell I knew I was making a mistake the moment I walked out on her in that hotel room leaving her with only a fucking note. But at the time I honestly thought that I was making the right decision.

I honestly don't know how I survived these last five years. Because Ana wasn't only my first love she was also my best friend, she was the other half of my heart. She was my first everything… And I walked out on her. The only reason why I got through these last five years was because the only thing I did was concentrating on setting up my company. In the end all the money I earned, my penthouse, the fast cars and even Charlie Tango don't help with the loneliness. Because no matter how I look at it, I am lonely. I work, work some more, I work out with Bastille, I eat, sleep if my nightmares let me and I shit…occasionally I jerk off and then everything starts over again. _I am pathetic._

"You need to help me here Elliot…"

"I don't know man…Kate and Ana are best friends…like really best friends…I don't want to get in the middle of things and end up fighting with my girl…"

"Then tell me what I need to do to get her to talk to me…" He seems to think about this. His finger moving along his lips.

"Ana has an appointment with mom this coming Monday." He finally mumbles and glares at me. Then he points his finger in my face. "If you tell her that you got this information from me I will kick your ass ugly fucker…"

But I am not even listening to Elliot anymore. So Ana has an appointment with my mom? I wonder what for? I guess I will have to come up with some sort of excuse to visit my mother this Monday. Well that is going to be awkward since I never show up unannounced. Hell I never show up anymore unless I need to attend some mandatory dinner.

"You know that mom always had a soft spot for Ana…maybe you can call her and tell her that you desperately want to talk to Ana…"

I nod and try to think about something. I still have a few days…I'll come up with something. Because I know that when I ask my mother to help me out she is going to have questions. And I don't like questions. At least not those kind of questions…I never talked about Ana before not even when I first broke up with her. My mom was devastated when she found out I broke up with Ana. But I always kept my mouth shut…I was too embarrassed and felt too guilty to talk about the way I treated Ana. Not to mention the huge fall out I had with my parents after I dropped out of Harvard. Especially with my dad. He threw me out of the house and told me to get my ass back to Harvard. I went back to Boston though, but I never went back to Harvard…A month after my return at Boston I was forced to move out of the apartment since my dad refused to pay for it. With the little savings I had I rented a little apartment of my own. Since I needed money I started working at a nightclub and there is were Elena Lincoln entered my life again…I have no fucking excuse for the things I did…I did them because I desperately needed the money. Only one person in my family knows what happened in that year I lived in Boston…and that is the way it needs to stay.

"So who was that guy with Ana in her apartment?" Elliot waves to the waitress and points to our coffees for a refill.

"The fuck I know…" I clench my teeth together and try to put that image out of my mind. Fuck they looked extremely close. And that fucker was only wearing jeans and Ana was only wearing that sexy tank top and those amazing boy shorts. That can only mean one thing…they are together. I almost hit him in the face when I saw him wrap his arm around her tiny waist and then the fucker brushed his lips against her temple. She probably lets him touch him in places that I only touched her. He is seeing her on her most vulnerable. God, and she was so incredibly sexy when we had sex. It was the most intense and satisfying feeling I had ever experienced. Not that I had that much experience or much to compare it with at the time, but after three times with Elena I knew that whips and chains weren't my thing. I never signed that horrific contract.

I was drawn to Ana the first day I saw her on campus. With her long brown hair and her stunning blue eyes, she was the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. And even though I tried to push her away it was futile. We were meant to be together, that is until I royally fucked up.

"Do you think they are together?" Elliot asks completely obvious of my inner turmoil.

"Shut the fuck up dickhead…"

"It has been five years Christian. You don't actually think that she has been living like a nun these past five years right? Ana is gorgeous. I bet she has men falling at her feet constantly…and from what she told me she has travelled a lot, she worked for some fancy magazine in New York and you know those models and the parties they have man…"

"Thank you for making me feel better Elliot…" I say through clenched teeth. Her ignores me and continues. "I mean five fucking years man…" He shakes his head and then his eyes get big. "Please tell me you had some pussy in these last five years…"

When I don't respond his eyes get even bigger. "You haven't…" He whispers.

I bow my head not willing to lie to my brother. So I just pinch the bridge of my nose and pray that he will move on from this topic. I can't tell him what I did to earn my money, because that was different. It was a means to an end. Besides I don't think he would understand. What I did was meaningless. What I had with Ana was love. We didn't fuck…we made love. Sure occasionally we fucked, but it was the connection we shared that made it special.

"Look at me Christian." Closing the distance between us he tries again. "Is your silence an affirmation or do you have trouble with Mr. Winky or are you telling me that you couldn't because of some stupid guilt trip?"

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with my dick. And would you please be so kind not to call my dick, Mr. Winky?"

"Whatever man…call it like you want to. Your wiener, wanker, purple headed warrior, Mr. Happy…god no wonder you have been so uptight. You need to get laid man…" He frowns and points his finger at me. "We are definitely not going to call your dick Mr. Happy by the way…" Elliot shakes his head and is silent for a moment. He then rubs his hands over his face and when he looks at me he is serious.

"What did you do to her Christian?"

Brushing my hands through my hair I pull at the ends and decide to give my brother a little piece of information. "I lied to her Elliot. I broke up with her and left her…when she showed up at my apartment the next morning she was incredibly upset…she begged me to take her back…" I feel my chest constricting and bile rising up my throat when I think back at that day. "I told her not to call me anymore. I told her I had fallen in love with someone else…" I decide not to tell him what I asked her to marry me the night before. I had planned that romantic weekend for months and everything was starting to fall into place perfectly…that is until my insecurities and self-loathing decided to rear their ugly heads.

"But why lie to her?" He says and looks at me disbelievingly.

"Because I panicked…" I won't tell him the real reason I broke up with Ana. I need to share that with her first. She needs to hear it from me and not from my brother.

"You mother fucking piece of shit…" Elliot growls. "Ana was always so insecure…and she helped you man…she was there for you every step of the way. You were one fucked up son of a bitch when you met her…"

"I know Elliot…you don't have to remind me…I have been living with guilt and regret for the last five years…"

"Well boo-hoo poor little angry Christian regrets his stupid decision. Grow the fuck up man!" Angrily he pushes his chair back and stands up throwing the napkin on the table.

"You are lucky that she didn't call the cops on you this morning…fuck! I hope that she makes you work for it…" Throwing a hundred dollar bill on the table. Shaking his head he looks at me. "No, I hope she actually never forgives you." Elliot then turns around and walks out.

I don't follow my brother, because it is of no use. He is pissed off and he has every right to be.

My heart constricts in my chest when I recall the last day I saw Anastasia.

 _Flashback._

" _Christian! Christian please let me in!" Ana has been knocking on my apartment door for almost five minutes. I can hear that she is crying, yet I can't make myself to open that door._

" _Christian! I know you are in there, please open the door!" Channeling my inner asshole I open the door and without even looking at her I walk back to my bedroom where I was packing my bag. I need to get back to Seattle to convince my parents to help me with GEH. I need to show my dad my business plan and I am sure he will change his mind. He has to!_

" _Christian. What is this?" I don't even have to look at her to know what she is holding in her hands. The little piece of paper I left her on the nightstand._

" _It is a piece of paper saying that everything was a mistake." I tell her emotionless. In the meantime I avoid looking at her. Because I simply can't bear to see the hurt in her eyes. You don't deserve her Grey!_

" _But you don't mean that…you love me…and I love you Christian…" She cries._

 _I don't say anything. I just keep throwing things into my suitcase. Just leave Ana. Don't make things harder. I think to myself._

" _Christian, can you please look at me…" Her crying is only intensifying. "Look at me and tell me in my face that this was all a mistake! Tell me that you lied to me and that you don't love me…" She yells._

 _Bracing myself I turn around on my heels and look at her beautiful but heartbroken face. Her face is swollen from the crying. And even though I want nothing more than to hold her, I can't._

" _I don't love you Anastasia…it was all a mistake…" I pull the piece of paper out of her hands and throw it on the floor._

" _You are lying…" She whispers. "You told me, you told me that I was your forever, that I was beautiful…you told me that you loved me…"_

" _Just go Ana it's over…"_

" _No…no…but you asked me to marry you…what happened." She takes a step forward and places her hands on my chest. I push her away and take a step back._

" _I lied to you Anastasia! Everything was one big lie…! Just get the fuck out of my apartment…" I roar._

" _Don't do this Christian please. Let's talk about it…tell me what is wrong. What happened and why won't you let me touch you?" Her entire body is shaking and she has her sleeves pulled over her hands. She always does that when she is uncomfortable or nervous._

" _Just go!" I roar and point to the door._

" _Please Christian…"_

" _There is someone else Ana…I fell in love with another girl." Devastation. Hurt. Sadness. Registers her face. The tears falling rapidly from her eyes. She then turns around and walks out of my apartment and my life._

 _End flashback._

I am so sorry Ana. I didn't see any other choice. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

 **Anastasia**

 _A hand was running up my thigh. Smiling I stretched my limbs and placed my hand over the wandering fingers. The hand was familiar and warm. Entwining his fingers in mine he toyed with the ring on my finger. My smile grew wider. He had asked me to marry him…I Anastasia Rose Steele was engaged to Christian Trevelyan Grey. We were going to get married. I was feeling so happy that it felt as if my chest was going to explode from that emotion. And for some miracle, he felt the same._

 _His warm lips touched my shoulder and even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was smiling. Taking our entwined hand to my lips I kissed his knuckles and pressed my head against his chest._

" _Good morning future Mrs. Grey…"_

" _I can't believe we just did that…" I whispered against his lips._

" _What do you mean…?" He kissed my lips. "Have mind-blowing sex?"_ _His grin was mischievous. "We always have mind-blowing sex baby…every time with you is mind-blowing…"_

" _No, not that…" I said feeling the blush creeping up on my face. "I mean getting engaged…you made me so happy Christian…" The smile on my face was silly with happiness._

" _And I intend to make you happy for the rest of our lives…until death do us part…"_

"Anastasia Rose Steele…get your butt out of that bed right now…" Kate's voice makes me jump up from my dream.

 _God why did I ever gave her a key to my apartment?_

"Kate…go away." I groan and slump back into my pillow.

"Ana…we only have one hour and a half before Elliot gets here to pick us up. Get your ass out of that bed now…"

"Say please…" I say attempting to prolong my nap.

Ignoring me Kate stomps to the window and opens it allowing the cold December air to enter my warm bedroom. "It smells here like alcohol Steele…"

"Tequila…" I mutter.

I feel the other side of the bed moving and I know that Kate is now laying on the other side. "What happened that made you drink Ana…" She whispers.

 _Well, I saw the evil bitch and then she disclosed some pretty ugly information and I needed to get drunk._

"Nothing…" I pull the covers over my head and pray that she doesn't press any further. But I guess that is wishful thinking…knowing Kate and her inquiring mind.

"Don't lie to me Steele." She sighs. "Did you run in to Christian again?"

"No…" I grunt. _It was worse._

"Come here…" Pulling the covers of my body Kate pulls me towards her. My head is now lying on her chest and due to her sweet gesture I start crying.

"Oh sweetie…It's okay…just let it go…" And that's what I do. I cry for feeling so vulnerable. I cry for all the lies that Christian told me when we were together. I cry for the naïve girl who somehow was still trapped in the lies and hurt. And I cry for what could have been.

* * *

"Ana…" Kate is staring at my private parts disbelievingly. "Please tell me that I am not seeing that right?"

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I yank the towel from her hands and try to cover up again.

When I find the courage to look at my best friend's face she is clasping one hand over her mouth and her green eyes are huge.

"I don't think any depilatory cream is going to help with that?" She says after a few minutes. "You first need a scythe…" _What?_

"I really don't know what you're talking about…" Pissed off and a little humiliated I walk passed her to enter my bedroom.

"Ana…you can't walk around with a dead beaver between your legs sweetie…" She looks at me with pity in her eyes and I get even angrier.

"I don't have a dead beaver between my legs Kate…" I hiss. "Don't call my …my…my…" I am thinking about a better word than vagina for my private parts when I see Kate looking at me with a smile on her face. "You can't even say the word vagina…or maybe we can call it fur burger or …"

"Stop!" I say covering my ears with my hands. "I'll do anything you want as long as I don't have to hear anything crass coming out of your mouth again!" Holding the towel tightly against my body I stare at my best friend. "You know Elliot and you are perfect together…you are both crass..."

"Anything?" She challenges ignoring what I just said.

"Anything except waxing…we all know how that turned out the last time…" I wince recalling the time when Kate called me telling me that she had an itty bitty problem.

"I don't want to talk about that…" She grimaces and shuffles on her feet uncomfortably.

"Well I do…" I sit on my bed and smile at her. If she is going to have fun with my hoo-ha…then I am allowed to have a little fun of myself too.

"It was just a minor slip-up…" She murmurs.

"Yeah, because why read the instructions right Kate?" Giggling Kate sits right next to me and let's herself fall on her bed. "Oh God that hurt so bad…and it didn't help that you needed a half hour to stop laughing either…"

"And there was so much blood…" I shudder when I remember that she even pulled of some skin while waxing.

"I really thought that soap and hot water would get the sticky mess off my genitals…" She groans. "Then I thought it would be a good time to read the instructions and they clearly said that if the hair didn't come off I just should use a new strip…" Her voice is small right now.

"Oh my gosh Kate…your butt was completely waxed shut…" Laughter bubbles up inside me and I let it all out. Not feeling even remotely guilty for my best friend.

"Since then I always have olive oil…" She is laughing now along with me. Suddenly she stands up and extends her hand. "Come on Steele…" _Shit this is going to hurt._

* * *

"Wait until Justin sees you Ana…" Kate says while she is putting the final touches on my make-up.

"I just want to have a good time Kate…" She rolls her eyes dramatically and shoves me towards the mirror. "At least your pleasure garden is neatly trimmed…" She says laughing. "Just imagine Justin slowly peeling your panties down your legs to get confronted with a bush…"

"Just stop already Kate…" I nudge her with my shoulder. Kate places her hands on my shoulders and turns me around so I am facing the mirror.

Oh Shit! Is that really me? I am wearing a short red dress. Kate was right, my legs really look incredibly long. I am wearing Kate's black Christian Louboutin's. My hair is falling down my back in beautiful curls and my make-up is…wow…

"I never wear this much make-up." I say looking in the mirror.

"That's because you don't need it." Kate says matter of fact. "But you look hot Steele…keep the dress by the way…it looks better on you."

Taking one last glance in the mirror I follow Kate to the living room where Elliot is waiting patiently.

"Hey babe…" He greets Kate with an overdramatic kiss and then turns around to look at me.

"Holy shit Ana…" His mouth falls open and I see him blink a few times. "You…you look…you look hot…"

"Don't you think it is too much?" I ask my eyes darting from Kate to Elliot.

"It is perfect Ana…" Elliot says with a smile. And it is like I see pity flashing through his eyes. "Let's go girls."

 **Christian**

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Elliot hisses in my ear and pushes me into the corner of their private booth. I don't reply. Instead my eyes search the club for any sign of Ana. I know she is here. The reason I know she is here is because I had her tracked down. I needed to speak with her. _I needed to see her._ Patience has never been one of my virtues. After I got home after having breakfast with Elliot I tried to do some work, but I couldn't concentrate. Then I thought playing the piano would be a nice distraction. It didn't work either. I ended slamming the keys completely frustrated and irritated. Then I took the fastest shower ever and drove to her apartment. At first I stood outside her door for a full ten minutes before I actually gathered the courage to knock on her door. When I finally knocked there was no answer. Then the door next to her opened and this tiny fragile looking lady just stood there watching me.

"Are you adding stalker now to the list too?" Elliot squeezes my arm and I shrug him off.

"Fuck off Elliot… I need to talk to her…"

"Well she doesn't need you…she is having an amazing time…" He points to the dance area and that's when I see Ana. My Ana…dancing with Kate and that fucker who was with her this morning.

He has his filthy paws all over her petit body. He is brushing his hips against her butt and she is smiling. She is enjoying that shit.

"Too bad you fucked up all those years ago huh little brother…it could have been you out there…"

"I made a fucking mistake Elliot!" I yell.

"You don't deserve her man…do you see that girl over there" He points at Ana and turns around to look back at me. His face is pure disgust. "That girl deserves an honest man who kisses the ground she walks on. What she doesn't deserve is a liar or a fucking pussy who is too afraid to face his fucking demons…" Elliot downs his drink and leaves me to join the girls on the dance floor.

 _I guess I have to prove my brother that he is wrong._ Because I'll be damned to let her go one more time. I am going to fight for Anastasia Rose Steele. Even if it is the last thing I do.

As the minute's ticks by, I become more frustrated. It was almost one hour ago that Elliot left me standing alone. They are still on the dancefloor occasionally pausing to have a drink. But they stay at the bar. Elliot is probably doing this on purpose to avoid a confrontation between Ana and me. Luckily the fucker with the filthy paws isn't with them anymore. I just found out from Taylor the he co-owns this club. There weren't any red flags, however according to Taylor he hasn't had a single relationship since four years. He now changes girlfriends as frequently as he changes his underwear. _Fucker._

When I look at the bar again Ana, Elliot and Kate are gone and they aren't on the dancefloor either. Then I hear giggling. I know that sound. That was and still is the most perfect sound in the world. It was the sound that made everything better. It's Ana's giggle.

"Oh hey Christian." Kate says casually but freezes when it actually dawns on her that I am standing in their private booth.

Ana who was just smiling and giggling stiffens and walks past me ignoring me completely. My brother passes by me and grumbles something under his breath.

They take a seat on one of the couches. Kate is seated in the middle. Then I see Ana whispering something in Kate's ear. "Ell, didn't you say you know the DJ?"

"Yeah, he was a buddy of mine at college…why?"

"Nah…never mind…" She waves him off and gives Ana a wink. _They are up to something._

"Let's do Tequila shots!" Ana shrieks clapping her hands. Kate's brow furrows and she seems to be contemplating Ana's idea. _Well that's interesting._

"I don't know Ana…you already had Tequila today…" She did? Why…Ana never drank that much. At first she was always worried that we would get caught. Then when one time she got incredibly drunk she learned her lesson. I never saw her drunk after that.

"Don't be so freaking boring Kit Kat…" Ana replies irritated.

"Kate is right Ana…" My brother pipes up. "Maybe you should drink some water…" Ana's face changes from happy to downright pissed. "What is this with everyone today telling me what I should or should not do?" She stands up and waves her hands in the air angrily. _Shit she is cute when she does that._

"You know what? I am not going to sit here with you…" With that she stomps off and walks back to the dancefloor.

Very unlike Ana she sashays her way to the bar and chats with that Justin fucker. He smiles at her and nods his head eagerly and disappears to the DJ. After exchanging a few words with the DJ Justin fucker walks back to Ana and takes her hand guiding her to the dancefloor.

The songs swifts smoothly and soon one of Ana's favorite songs is playing. I am mesmerized as I watch her moving effortlessly to the beat. What aggravates me is the fucker's hands moving along her body.

 _Watch me getting physical  
Out of control, Ah  
There's people watching me, Ah  
I never miss a beat _

The fucker moves around her giving her the chance to look up and that's when our eyes meet. A gleam of something passes through her eyes. She is doing this on purpose. She is trying to make me jealous. And it is fucking working.

Still the night, kill the lights  
Feel it under your skin  
Time is right, keep it tight  
'Cause it's pulling you in

"She is quiet the dancer right?" I never saw Kate standing next to me.

"She always was…" I say clearing my throat. "Something happened to her this afternoon, do you have something to do with that?" Kate's voice sounds accusatory and I can't blame her. Even though I can't stand her most of the time, Kate is a loyal friend to Ana. She only speaks to me when absolutely necessary and I am fine with that. Kate isn't one of my favorite persons and I know that the feeling is mutual. We tolerate each other for my brother and my mother's sake.

"What happened?" I quickly glance at Kate who is now looking at me too. "I don't know…I was supposed to meet her at her apartment to get ready for tonight…she was asleep…and she had been drinking…"

"Do you or do you not have anything to do with it?" She says now more forcefully.

"I don't Kate…I swear…"

"Good…because if I find out…and I will trust me on that one, that you hurt her one more time I will make sure to rip your balls off and feed them to the dogs…then I am going to let you bleed to death…" She looks at me happily and winks.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes…" I reply without hesitation. I loved her since the first time I yelled at her after rowing practice. I didn't know it at the time, but I know she captured my heart when she looked up at me with her beautiful eyes.

"Then where the hell have you been the past five years?" She hisses.

"I tried to find her Kate and then her father told me not to bother, that she had already moved on…"

"If it is true what you say and you really love her, prove it. Proof to her that you love her and that you made the biggest mistake of your life five years ago." She takes a sip of her champagne and sighs. "But be quick though National Geographic made her an offer. She has to give them her final answer in one month…"

"What kind of offer did they made her?" I ask and I hear the trepidation in my own voice.

"You know that it is a pretty big deal for National Geographic to come to you…" I nod my head to empathize it. I know it. Ever since I found out that Ana started her own business in photography I have been reading everything there is to find about that subject. It somehow brought me closer to her. It made me proud as fuck when I saw her work printed in several magazines. _Proud. As. Fuck._ I even have some of her photographs hanging in my office at GEH.

"They want her to travel to Russia…she will have to stay there for two months. I don't know what her assignment is because she is bound by contract to keep the details confidential."

 _Russia? She is actually considering about travelling to fucking Russia?_

"So she hasn't made up her mind yet?" I ask carefully.

"No…she hasn't. She mostly discusses assignments like this with her dad…but I don't think she mentioned it to him yet…"

"What is keeping her from deciding Kate?" My eyes dart to the dancefloor where Ana is still dancing.

"I don't know Christian…I really don't know…"

"Thank you Kate…and I promise if she gives me the chance to talk to her and she lets me in…I will try and make her happy again…"

Kate walks back to Elliot as quietly as she came. With my eyes still focused on Ana I see her kissing fucking Justin on his fucking cheek and she waddles to the bar where she orders a drink. She downs it in one go and then orders another. She turns around and whispers something in Justin's ear and disappears towards the exit. _Alone._

It takes me about five minutes of internal debate before I walk out to look for Ana. There are people smoking, others are waiting for a cab, while others are making out. I spot Ana near a giant flowerpot. She has her arms wrapped around her waist. _She needs to put a fucking coat on! It is freezing._ I stop when I am just one step away from her. So close…yet so far away. As I take a little step closer I hear her silently talking to herself. Her mahogany colored hair is shiny and beautiful. I can almost feel how it felt when I touched her hair. It always felt so soft and silky. I loved touching her hair and she loved it too. Her fragrance is exactly as I remember. It is a combination of something soft, pure even mixed with jasmine and Ana.

"I know you're there Christian…" She says but doesn't turn around. Of course she knows. She always felt my presence and I always felt hers.

"I'm sorry if you want I will leave, but I wanted to make sure you were all right…"

She snorts very un-lady like and shakes her head. "Funny that you decide to come and see if I am all right… I believe that you are five years late Christian…"

"I know…"

"Yeah, I bet you do. I bet you know exactly how I felt when I woke up that morning and found your lovely note. I bet you know exactly how I felt when I showed up in your apartment that day and you threw me out, I am sure that you know exactly how I felt when I kept hoping and praying that you would change your mind…I bet you know exactly how I felt when you told me that I should get over you and that you had fallen in love with someone else…" She spits the words out in a whisper, but I hear them loud and clear. Every word making its way to my heart and breaking it little by little.

She turns around suddenly making her sway a little. When I reach my hand so she doesn't fall she recoils from my touch. "Do not touch me…do not ever touch me Christian…" She hisses.

Her beautiful blue eyes look up at me and I don't know…maybe I expected tears or sadness, but the only thing I see is anger. Pure anger and it is directed at me.

"I'm sorry Ana…" I say lamely. She doesn't reply, she just stares. Her eyes not leaving mine.

"I want to apologize but I need…"

"Fine you apologized." She says way to sweet and way to quick. "Apology accepted." She waves her arm in the air and plasters a fake smile on her face. "There you have it Christian. You can go off and conquer the world with your mergers and acquisitions…fall in love with another stupid, innocent but mostly stupid girl, then you can ask her to marry you, you promise her the moon and the stars, but mostly you promise her forever…and then boom you dump her…and then you find another stupid, innocent girl who falls for your lies…"

"It is not like that Ana…"

"It isn't…well then you better explain to me how it is Christian. Because I have replayed our conversations endlessly in my head and every time I come to the same conclusion. I was the stupid, innocent girl and you where the big fat liar…"

"Ana you are drunk. Meet me tomorrow for lunch or coffee…please let me explain. There is so much I need to tell you…"

"Oh but that's where you are wrong Mr. Grey…" She squints her eyes at me and takes a step forward. "I might have had something to drink but I am definitely not drunk. I know exactly what I am doing and who I am talking to." Another step closer. "I know that I am standing outside club 9… I had two mimosas, two shots of tequila and I drank an entire bottle of water. Then I went outside and I got stalked by my former fiancé…who now claims that he is sorry. And because I am not drunk I know that he is lying…because he is a big fat liar. You were right Christian…you don't…" Her voice falters a little but she recovers quickly. "You don't have a heart…because if you would have a heart you wouldn't have gone running back to the bitch pedophile…you know the one you talked to me about…the one who wanted to lure you into that sick, unhealthy arrangement. The one who taught you that love was for fools…"

"What the fuck are you talking about…" I say dumbfounded.

"Don't play dumb it doesn't suit you…" At the same time a cab stops at the curb and she quickly walks to the cab and opens the backdoor.

"I saw her today Christian. Maybe you have the time to tell her in between fucks that she better not mess with me…because I have evidence…remember…and if she as so much talks to me one more time I will use it…I have a lot of connections with journalists all over the world…I will break her and if you know me like you say you do…you know that I mean every fucking word. Goodbye Christian. Have a good life."

She steps in the cab and closes the door leaving me completely confused but mostly angry and completely out of control.

She talked to Elena Lincoln? With trembling fingers I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial her number.

"Christian darling, what a pleasant surprise…" She purrs into the phone. I close my eyes when hearing her voice. _Vile woman._

"Cut the crap Elena…what did you say to Anastasia…"

I pull the phone from my ear when I hear her disturbing laughter. "Now darling, that is not a way to greet an old friend after four years…"

"You are right about one thing Elena…the old part, as for friends I don't think so. We never were friends and we never will be." I pinch the bridge of my nose with thumb and forefinger and continue. "I am warning you Elena, stay away from Ana. If you come near her one more time the whole world will know the real Elena Lincoln…and what the fuck are you doing in Seattle anyway? I thought you moved to New York…"

"I had some business to take care of…" She says and all the laughter has now disappeared from her voice.

"You have twenty four hours to take your ugly old ass out of Seattle…"

"Is this a threat darling boy…don't forget…"

"It is a fucking promise…leave Seattle and don't come near Ana or my family…"

"You should know better than to threaten me Christian…"

"And you should know better than to keep in contact with her. It will only take me one phone call to the right person and your live will never be the same again…"

I end the call and think about my next step to get Ana to talk to me. _There has to be a fucking way._

* * *

 **Song in this chapter: Evacuate the dancefloor - Cascada**


	4. Chapter 4 - Motherly advice

**Chapter 4 - Motherly advice**

 **Anastasia**

Well that didn't go very well did it? I should have told him that he was ugly and that I hated him…but no I had to keep rambling about what he did…thank god I didn't cry. But he smelled so good…no he didn't…he. Absolutely. Didn't. Smell. Good.

Shit. Since I left my handbag in the club I am going to have to wake Mathilda. I knock on her door and it only takes a few minutes before she opens it. Mathilda is the sweetest lady I have ever met. With her small frame, her white long hair, which she always wears in a bun and her friendly face she reminds me of a little fairy. She is however a little bit unconventional for her age and her motto is; you are never too old for anything. _She is awesome._

"Hello Anastasia…"

"Mathilda…I'm sorry to wake you…but I forgot my bag and there are my keys and my phone…and now I can't get into my apartment and I really need to sleep." _And a drink…or two…or three._

"Don't worry Anastasia, I couldn't sleep because of my damn arthritis…" She pulls the keys from the hook in the hallway and hands them to me. She then lovingly pats my hand and smiles. "I made you your favorite cookies…they are on the breakfast bar." I open my mouth to thank her but she just keeps talking.

"I know a heartbroken girl when I see one." She shakes her head sadly and sighs. "I bet it was the second boy who came today…"

"Uhm the second?"

"Yes…yes…" She says now patiently as ever. "The boy with that reddish hair…he is a sweetheart and very easy on the eyes."

"He is not a sweetheart Mathilda…" Again she cuts me off and this time she wipes a tear from my cheek.

"He loves you, you know…trust me…that boy loves you and regrets everything. Maybe you can hear him out. But remember…" She says more sternly and waves her finger in front of my face. "Only on your terms…you define the rules."

"I don't think he loves me Mathilda…I am actually sure he doesn't love me…" I try again. _I am actually sure that he never loved me._

"Anastasia…he came here this evening looking for you…and because he seemed so distressed I invited him in…he drank my herbal tea…" She whispers secretively.

"He drank your herbal tea?" _Oh my god. That tea tastes awful._

"He sure did…and he listened to me ramble and he never interrupted me. Then I started asking him questions. And I know about the way he looked when he talked about you that he is still in love."

"Mathilda, you don't understand…you don't know what happened…" I close my eyes tight to push away the tears that are building.

"I understand better than you will ever know…but that is a story for another time. Go to sleep Ana…"

"Thank you Mathilda and thank you for the cookies…" I lean in to hug her and hold on a little bit longer than usual.

Closing the door of my apartment behind me the first thing I do is getting rid of my shoes. God that was pure torture. I walk in a straight line towards my bedroom and shower quickly. I am trying to shove all the feelings and thoughts that I have to the back of my head, but I simply can't. Everything is too overwhelming. Seeing Christian again has brought back all the memories in full force. Everything I thought I had gotten over is…well I don't think I got over it. It took years for that wound to close. It took years to realize that things like that happen, it took me years to realize that I needed to start living again, but it only took hearing him say my name once to open that wound again. I can deny it until I'm blue in the face, but fact is that no matter how much I want to hate Christian and even though he broke my heart in a million little pieces…I still love him with every broken piece of it.

God knows I tried to forget him. I went out with different guys, I even dated seriously for a few months, but I just didn't feel it. There were never those butterflies in my belly, or the need to be with him every single minute or the feeling of being on top of the world. I never experienced that again after Christian left me. _He simply ruined me for other men._

"I need a drink…" I murmur and walk to the kitchen. Getting a bottle of wine out of the refrigerator I walk to the living room and turn on my iPod.

With the bottle of wine clutched in my hands in lay down on the couch and close my eyes. I listen to the beautiful voice of Adele as it fills the room.

I don't know how long I spend lying on the floor sipping my wine when a knock on the door pulls me out of my intoxicated daze. That has to be Kate who is bringing back my hand bag. Emptying the bottle for courage I yell for her to come in.

"Come in…" I yell.

"You really should close your door Anastasia!" Crap! But that's not Kate's voice. Wait it isn't is it? No…I am sure that isn't Kate's voice…Kate sounds a lot more feminine…yeah. No, this voice definitely doesn't belong to my best friend. This is a sexy male voice. A voice that I recognize very well in fact. Oh…shit…That is Christian. What is he doing here? Wasn't I clear enough back at the club? _Jesus!_

"Anastasia…you can't keep your door open like that!" Yep, definitely Christian. _Wow…are there two of them now?_

"Hi…" I wave at him but stay seated.

He seems a little surprised at my greeting. _I can be nice._ Inwardly I roll my eyes. _He never really liked that habit of mine._

"You are drunk…" He states. I stifle a giggle when I see him with my clutch in his hands. He really looks silly that way. _Shit, he is right I am drunk._

 **Christian**

"No, I am not drunk…" Ana huffs and takes a sip from a bottle of wine in her hands. Her brow furrows as she looks at the empty bottle. _Christ! Did she drank that entire bottle?_

She stares from the empty bottle to me and sighs. "There is another bottle in the fridge…would you mind getting that for me…" She smiles sweetly. "I am sitting really comf...comf…you know…"

"I don't think you should drink anymore Anastasia…maybe I could get you a little water…"

"No!" She says forcefully. "I want wine…" Her shoulders sag in defeat. "If you get me the bottle I'll share with you…" Fuck. She really must be drunk or she would have my ass kicked out on the curb about three minutes ago.

In the meantime I look around in her apartment. It is not very big but I immediately feel at home. The apartment, or at least the kitchen and the living room are feminine with little touches of pink. It is clear that she spend a lot of thought and attention decorating her apartment.

I never noticed it when I came by the other day but the entrance is welcoming and light. There hangs a shadow box frame with white fake flowers. It is very romantic actually and very…Ana.

Her living room is dominated by a cozy looking cream-colored couch. There are candles on the coffee table with a vase filled with pale pink roses. _I guess roses are still her favorite flowers_. In the other corner there are two leopard print chairs with pink pillows. _It is different…daring and totally Ana._

There a photographs hanging on the walls and on the floor. Mostly black and whites. And they are all amazing.

"My wine please kind Sir…" She slurs and snaps her fingers at me. Placing her clutch on the table I make my way to the fridge and open it. _Holy mother of fuck._ The refrigerator is filled with wine! She has hardly any food in it. No wonder she is so skinny. Why doesn't she have any food? As silently as possible I open the freezer. Jesus Christ. The freezer is willed with pizzas. _Damn it Anastasia!_

I brush my hands through my hair and count to ten in my head. I should spank her! I should! But not for pleasure! No because if I remember correctly and I do…she liked it when I spanked her. Don't go there Grey. She is not even letting you touch her, let alone spank her.

"Wine! Wine! Wine…" Ana chants.

Thirty seconds later I walk back to the living room where Ana is laying on the floor facing the ceiling.

"Did you fell?" I ask.

"Did you bring my wine?" _Tenacious little thing!_

"Here…" I hand her a glass of water. Sitting up she scrunches her face and looks at the glass in her hand. "This isn't wine Christian…" _No shit baby._

"Drink it Anastasia…"

"You are such a bore…" She takes the tiniest little sip from the glass and places it on the table. She lays back down and stares up at the ceiling. Her hands are resting on her stomach.

"Why don't you have any food in the refrigerator Anastasia?" Very carefully I sit on the couch and watch her. _Don't look at her legs Grey…_

"Because I like wine better…" She slurs and closes her eyes. Her breathing is getting even and for a moment I think she has fallen asleep. But then her eyes open again and her eyes are brimmed with unshed tears.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice sounds so small that it hurts. "Haven't you hurt me enough already…"

"I don't want to hurt you Ana…I never meant to hurt you baby…"

"Don't call me baby…never call me baby again…" She turns her head and goes back watching the ceiling. _I guess I lost the right to call her baby._ Yeah. Grey…you lost all your rights the moment you broke up with her. You can't call her yours anymore.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper. I clench my hands at my sides and force myself not to reach out to her and hold her. I want to tell her the truth. I want to tell her that in my fucked up mind I thought I was doing the right thing. I want to tell her that I never stopped loving her. I want to ask her to give me a second chance, but I just don't know how to do it. I don't know if she will ever be able to forgive me for all the pain in put her through.

"No, you're not sorry…don't lie to me…" She doesn't sound angry. She sounds sad and hurt.

"What did Elena say to you when you saw her this afternoon?" She stiffens and brings her arms to her face covering her eyes.

"She is ugly…and mean…and evil…" She sighs and lets her arms drop back to the floor.

"She is…" I admit. _She is the most horrible person I know._

She snorts and turns around to face me. She looks beautiful with her hands tucked under her face and her long brown hear spread on the floor. "But you are still fucking her…"

"I'm not Ana…"

"Save it Christian…no more lies please…" She closes her eyes and a tear slides down her cheek to the floor. _Please don't cry. Please don't cry._

"I'm tired Christian…I'm sorry that I don't have any…" She opens her eyes again and focuses on me. "I'm sorry I don't have anything to eat…I know how important that is to you…" Lazily she lifts her arm and points towards the kitchen. "I have cookies though…Mathilda made them…" Her arm falls back and she closes her eyes.

I don't know how long I sit her watching her sleep. What I do know is that she looks absolutely amazingly beautiful. Her long lashes touching her cheeks, her full lips partially opened.

I always loved watching her sleep. I loved the way she would lie on my chest. I loved the way she talked in her sleep. I actually loved everything about her. Her beauty, the softness of her skin, her voice, her laughter, her giggle, her wit, her intelligence…I loved the way she challenged me and how she wouldn't take any shit from me…I simply loved every single thing about her. And I still do. _And now she hates me._

What should I do now? Should I leave? No, I can't leave and let her here on the floor…what if she gets sick or cold? I somehow need to get her off this floor…I should probably take her to bed. And then? Do I undress her? Mentally I kick myself hard. Of course you are not going to undress her you stupid fuck! Because when she wakes up and she finds out that you undressed her you are not going to leave her apartment with your dick attached. She will probably rip it off and put it through the garbage dispenser. Besides there isn't much to undress, because Ana is wearing the sexiest boy short and tank top I have ever seen. It is pink and black, silky and she looks hot in it. I shake my head and force my mind to think of something else instead of Ana's endlessly long legs. I stand up from the couch and decide to go in search of a blanket. At least she won't get cold.

I finally find one in the hall closet. I recognize this blanket. I think her mother bought it for her years ago. Bringing the blanket to my nose I inhale her scent.

When I get back to the living room she is still laying the same way I left her. Crouching next to her I cover her with the blanket and because I can't resist it any longer I brush my lips against her temple and kiss her. "I'm sorry Ana…I love you…" I whisper.

"Don't go…please don't leave me…" She whimpers.

"Shhh its okay Ana…" I whisper in her ear. "I am here…I won't leave you ever again…" _I promise._

As carefully as possible I lay next to her and face her. For minutes I just listen to the sound of her breathing and I convince myself that I am going to stay awake and slip out the apartment before she notices that I stayed with her.

Carefully as not to wake her I lay my hand on hers. So tiny and perfect. I brush my finger along her silver ring and a pang of hurt crushes through me. She should be wearing my ring. But I had to ruin everything.

After a while I feel my eyes getting heavy and I them. I don't think I have felt this relaxed after the last time I was with Ana. The nightmares came back in full force after I left her. Please Ana give me a chance to explain…and I hope, I truly hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me.

 **Anastasia**

Why does my head hurt? And my back? And what is that sound? And why is it so hot in here?

It smells good though. Really good. With my eyes still closed, not wanting to face reality just jet I

Shift and feel a hand around my waist. _Wait…whose hand is that?_

Opening one eye I stare at something black…my vision is a bit blurred this way. Reluctantly I open my other eye. _Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! Oh my fucking gosh!_ I am laying with Christian…in his arms. He is sleeping peacefully. Snoring…and he looks so good.

But what the hell is he doing here? Slowly things come back at me and I remember Christian walking in with my handbag…but after that I don't remember much. Shit! What happened? I don't remember anything from what transpired yesterday? Did I ask him to stay? No, I don't believe that. I would never do that.

Retracting myself from Christian I stand up and start pacing the floor. What is he doing here? And what am I supposed to do now? Make him breakfast? Absolutely not! Kick him out? Yeah…I should kick him out. But he is sleeping so peacefully and he never sleeps very well. What do you know Ana? You haven't seen him in five freaking years. And he broke your heart remember? I somehow can't get it over my heart to wake him in an awful way…but what does it say about me if I leave him here?

I can go for a morning run. Yes, that's what I'll do…I am going for my morning run. Then on my way back I am going to stop at Starbucks to get some breakfast. By the time I'm back he has probably left. Then we can pretend as if yesterday never happened. _That is a great idea!_

* * *

 _Please be gone. Please be gone._ With every step I take towards my apartment I keep repeating the same words. _Please be gone._

Opening the door with trembling hands I stick my head through the door. It is extremely silent. Maybe he left. Yes, he probably left. Why would he want to stick around anyway?

And why is it that the thought of him not being in my apartment fills me with disappointed? I am so not disappointed…I am happy…exhilarated, euphoric and overjoyed actually that he has left. _Right._ Now I can go back to my life as if I never saw Christian.

"Ana!" Crap…guess he didn't leave. "Ana!" _Hold your freaking horses already._

"What!" I say standing behind him. _Why is he looking under the breakfast bar?_

"Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me ba…Ana!" He turns around his hand at his chest. I bite back an apology and saunter passed him.

His eyes wander along my body and his eyes stop at the Starbucks coffee I am holding in my hand.

"Do you run?"

"Yes…"

"You never did…you didn't like it…"

"Well I guess a lot has changed in five years Christian…" I snap cutting him off.

"I'm sorry…"

"Will you stop apologizing and tell me why you are here and why did I wake up this morning lying next to you?"

Straightening his back he shoves his hands in his jeans. "You left your handbag at the club…Elliot and Kate had already left…" He shrugs. "I assumed you might need your wallet and phone…"

"You went through my bag?" I ask incredulously. Again he shrugs. At least he has the decency to blush.

"And why are you still here?" I turn around because I simply can bear to look at him anymore.

"I just want another chance Ana…" _Does he really think it is that easy?_ I hear him moving and sitting on one of the stools. Turning around slowly I don't even try to hide the anger that is surging through my veins. But instead of talking I just stare at him and take him in. His hair is pointing in all directions…he has sleep marks….on the left side of his face, the stubble that is covering his jaw is utterly sexy and his lips are full and sensual and his eyes…his eyes are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen…I can't even remember the times I saw him like this.

"There are no second chances Christian…"

He nods his head and looks down at his hands on the breakfast bar. His long fingers are spread out on the wooden surface. God his hands. He has such elegant yet manly hands. And his fingers…

"Do you hate me that much Ana?"

"Yes…I do…" My voice breaks and I look down too. _I don't hate you. I think I still love you, but I don't trust you. I simply don't trust you._

"Is he your boyfriend?" _Wow. Whiplash!_

"Not that it is any of your business…but who do you mean?"

"The club owner…" He spits out.

"Oh Justin?" Think Ana…what do you say? "He is not my boyfriend…" I reply as casually as possible.

"I hear a but?" He adds silently. His eyes are searching mine and he actually looks vulnerable. As if everything is depending on my answer.

"Friend with benefits kind of thing you know…" I reply nonchalantly waving my hand in the air. I feel the blush creeping from my toes to my head and look at my hands again. I just can't bear to look at him he will see that I am lying.

"You are a terrible liar Anastasia…"

"I didn't lie Christian…" I reply meekly. "I didn't…"

"You always do that thing when you lie…"

"What thing?"

"You do something weird with your eyes and then you look away…you are a shit liar…" I shrug and look back at him.

"You're not…" I deadpan.

"Touché Ms. Steele…touché…" He murmurs. Normally he would grin, but now he looks horrible.

"Have dinner with me…"

"No Christian…"

"Lunch…"

"No…"

"Breakfast…" He pleads. "Please. I just need to tell you my side of the story…I need to tell you why I did what I did…"

"You broke up with me because you had fallen in love with someone else. Because our relationship was the biggest mistake you ever made…" I brace myself at the bar and force myself to look at him. "There is no explanation needed anymore. I am not stupid. I understood perfectly what you told me five years ago…" I clench my hands into fists and even though I feel my nails digging into my skin I welcome the pain. The distraction. "I pleaded with you Christian. I begged you for another chance…you threw me out…"

"I know…and I regretted it ever since Ana you have to believe me…please…" _He regrets it? Five years later he regrets breaking my heart? Fuck him!_

"Just go…please if you …just go…"

"I only want one hour of your time. Let me explain and if you don't want to have anything to do with me after hearing my story then I will leave you alone."

 **Christian**

Panic is surging through my body. She hates me. She just admitted five minutes ago that she hates me. She doesn't do second changes. She is done with me. She doesn't believe me. I somehow need to make her believe that it was a stupid mistake. But how can I do it when she doesn't let me?

Nervously she pulls the sleeves of her jacket over her hands. It is incredibly childish but also incredibly endearing. She is nervous. She always fidgets with something when she is nervous.

The silence is overwhelming and suffocating.

"You are Kate's maid of honor right?" Her head snaps up at my sudden change of topic.

"Uhm yeah…" Her brows are knitted together in confusion as she looks up at me. God, what I would give to kiss that little V between her eyes.

"And I am Elliot's best man. So that means we have to make this work…" I wave my finger in between us and hold her gaze.

"I can do that…" She murmurs. Ana raises her chin stubbornly but she is still fidgeting with the sleeves of her jacket.

"Good…that means we will have to get together to arrange their bachelor and bachelorette party." I state calmly. This I can do. I can make arrangements. I can make deals. This is business. Frankly I don't give a shit about the bachelor party, but now I can't wait to start planning it.

"Okay…we are doing this for Elliot and Kate…" It feels more as if she wants to convince herself, rather than that she is agreeing with me.

I slide my business card over the bar and place it in front of her. "That is my number. You can call me anytime you want and we can get together to discuss details."

She nods her head and takes a step back from the counter putting more distance between us.

Standing up from the stool I turn around the bar and walk towards her. Ana is now standing with her back against the refrigerator. Leaning down until my mouth is brushing against her ear I whisper. "I will be anxiously waiting your phone call Anastasia…" Gathering all of my strength I draw back and turn away and start walking towards the door.

"Laters baby…" I wink at Ana who is still leaning against the fridge, eyes wide and cheeks red.

Walking to the elevator I start typing a message to Andrea, asking her to arrange for groceries to be delivered at Anastasia's apartment within the next two hours. And now, all I have to do is wait for her phone call. And I am not a patient man.

 **Anastasia**

Why does he keep doing this? Why does he keeps coming back to me even though I have told him different times already that I don't want anything to do with him.

And why do I still feel so affected by him? The moment he changed tactics I became tongue tided and I didn't even know what to do anymore.

He was always intense though and sweet. Once I got through his thick walls he was the sweetest boyfriend a girl could wish for. He was attentive, sweet, charming and the way he used to kiss my forehead made me weak in the knees. That is why I probably was so devastated when he broke up with me. I never saw it coming. And why would I? He had just proposed to me. We were going to build our lives together.

Checking the time I decide to call my mother before I take shower and try to get some work done.

"Hello…" My mom's soft voice comes through the phone and I have to bite back the tears threatening to fall.

"Hi mom it's me…" I whisper.

"Anastasia sweetheart. I was just thinking about you…I was reading this magazine and I saw one of your photographs. Oh honey I am so incredibly proud of you…"

"Thanks mom…" I sniff.

"Ana…is something wrong? Are you sick?"

"No…I am not sick. It is just that I saw Christian again…"

"Oh honey…"

"Mom, I don't know what to do…he keeps apologizing and coming back. But I just can't stand to look at him…I…just don't want to get hurt anymore…" I sob.

"Did you actually give him a chance to explain Ana?" She says softly.

"Mom! Whose side are you on?" I say exasperated.

"I am always team Ana, because you are my daughter and I love you, but that doesn't mean that I don't know you. He hurt you. I know that…but maybe he made a mistake." She sighs and I hear her fidgeting with something. I roll my eyes annoyed at my mom's wise words. I don't want or need her wise words I want her comfort. I need her to tell me that Christian is indeed a lying asshole whom I can't trust.

"Anastasia don't roll your eyes at me young lady it is an extremely annoying habit…" She admonishes me. _How does she know anyway?_

"How's Rob doing?"

"Rob is perfectly fine. But don't you go and change the subject on me Anastasia Rose Steele, I know exactly what you're doing!" _Jesus she used my full name._

"I'm sorry mom…" I mutter begrudgingly.

"So back to Christian…" My mother states. "What are you going to do about him?"

"I don't know mom…I just don't know. One part of me really wants to listen to what he has to say…but I don't think I'm ready yet." I admit.

"Then tell him. Tell him exactly what you just told me. Listen to me sweetheart…men are simple creatures, idiots sometimes…they don't know what you mean unless you tell them. Christian can't read your mind honey…and you know what I told you before; you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince."

I clear my throat. "I did a lot of kissing mom…but no prince there yet and as for my knight in shining armor…shit he probably has a crappy sense of direction. He must be freaking lost somewhere…"

My mom giggles on the other side of the phone and I can't help but laugh along with her. "Just follow your heart Anastasia…"

"I will try okay…"

"Okay sweetheart…now tell me what is it that your father told me about the new assignment…and Russia none the less…"

I talk with my mother for a while longer. About nothing and everything in particular. She has always been incredibly supportive even though she wasn't there physically for me. It was actually her that talked to my dad when I quit Harvard. My mother is my biggest supporter.

A while later I am still sitting on the floor looking at the phone in my hands and I still don't have a clue what to do with Christian Grey.

* * *

 **A/N. Hi all! I know that some of you really want for Ana to talk to Christian. You have to be patient though…keep in mind that Christian broke her heart.**

 **Thank you all for the follows, favorites and the reviews! I enjoy reading every one of them. Oh and don't forget to check out the Pinterest page!**

 **Take care!**

 **Alner XOX**


	5. Chapter 5 - Grace Trevelyan Grey

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 5 – Grace Trevelyan Grey**

 **Anastasia**

"Delivery for Ms. Steele." A tall blond looking guy, build like freaking Superman is standing in the hallway holding two enormous bags of groceries in his hands. I can hardly see his face because of the baseball cap he is wearing.

"I think there has to be a misunderstanding. I didn't order anything…"

"Ms. Steele right?" He replies stoically.

"Yes…"

"Please sign here ma'am…" _Ma'am? Really._

Begrudgingly I sign the receipt and watch him walk away after he leaves the grocery bag in the tiny hallway. Did Kate order groceries for me? Nah…she wouldn't. Kate would have wine or Tequila delivered and certainly not two bags of groceries.

Dragging the bags inside my kitchen I watch them warily. A white envelope is laying on top of one of the bags. Cautiously I open the envelope and gasp as I see the handwriting. _Freaking Christian._

 _Dear Anastasia,_

 _Healthy balanced meals are extremely important…._

 _I can't fucking believe this…I can't believe he did this._ I only have to read once sentence knowing that this is cocky, arrogant Christian talking. Who the hell does he thinks he is in sending me two bags full of groceries? Does he really think I am going to accept this? I scrunch the letter in my hand without even bothering to read it completely, and throw it against the wall.

 _Asshole. Stupid arrogant asshole._ I will show him where he can stow his healthy balanced meals.

I grab my phone from my back pocket and dial Kate's number. _She needs to help me rectify this situation._

"Ana!"

"Kate I need you in my apartment now!" No time for chit-chat. I need her help and I need it now.

"Something happened?" Worry is laced in her voice.

"Not what you think. But I need you here Kate!"

"Be there in ten…" She sing-songs.

Ending the phone call I look at the grocery bags. I walk around them eying them curiously. _Don't look in the bags Ana…don't look in the stupid bags._

But I just can't help myself. I look in the bags. I'm stunned, shocked and shaken when I take the contents out of the bag one by one. He actually took the time and effort to buy me all the things I love to eat. _This doesn't change a thing,_ _because_ _he is still an annoying arrogant bastard._

Ten minutes later, Kate finds me sitting on the floor surrounded by the contents that I just pulled out of the bags.

"Ana?" From the corner of my eye I watch Kate throwing her bag on the floor as she crouches next to me.

"Ana what happened? Why are you sitting on the floor crying and holding a box of Mac and Cheese in your hand?"

"He was here…" I sniff.

"Who…who was here?"

"Christian…" Wiping the tears from my face I look at the box in my hand. "He was here this morning when I woke up…he came after me yesterday when I left my bag at the club…and now he has send me two bags full of groceries…"

"But that's sweet right?" Kate asks tentatively.

"No! Kate that is not sweet! It is controlling, overbearing and dramatic!"

"Did you guys talk?" Mindlessly her hand reaches for the bag of M&M's. "Don't even think about opening that Kate!" I hiss.

She pulls her hand back as if she has been burned. "I am not going to keep this Kate. I am going to return this and that is why I need your help…"

"Ana…"

"Kate…"

"Fine…" She grumbles. "But at least tell me what happened yesterday. Did you guys talk?"

"Not really…he keeps apologizing…" I shrug and let myself fall back on the floor. "It hurts seeing him Kate…every time I look at his face I am reminded of the heartbreak he caused me. Every time he says something I don't know if I can believe him…he lied to me Kate…repeatedly." I clutch the box against my chest and close my eyes.

"Why can't he leave me alone Kate?"

"I don't know sweetie…" Kate pulls the box from my hands and throws it with the other groceries on the floor. "Maybe you should talk to him…"

"I am not ready to talk to him Kate…" I tell her exasperated. _Jesus Christ what is so hard to understand?_

"Okay…" She sighs. Well that is surprising. I think this is the first time that Kate doesn't push it any further.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I am going to take back the groceries personally. I am going to tell Mr. Cocky that I am perfectly capable of buying my own groceries. I am going to tell him that I don't need his help nor do I want to take him care of me…"

"If that makes you feel better…" Kate says in a really tiny voice.

"It does Kate…"

"Good, then let's go…"

"You are coming with me right?" We have parked the car outside of the apartment complex Christian lives in. Escala.

"You don't think I would want to miss this…" She smiles mischievously and opens the door. I stare up at the building and sigh. It is high, probably one of the highest buildings in Seattle. The glass and concrete give it a majestic look but somehow it looks cold.

"You know the code?" Kate punches the code to his penthouse into the panel in the elevator and shrugs. "Yeah…only family and the staff know the code. He has an ultramodern thingy attached to his phone. The moment someone enters the code a signal goes to his phone alerting him." _Fancy._

"He lives all by himself?" I notice that I am holding my breath while Kate is checking her reflection in the elevator doors.

"Yeah he does. He has a housekeeper who comes by every day to clean his apartment. And he has a security detail. His name is Jason Taylor. The guys is like his freaking shadow. He is everywhere Christian is. Scares the shit out of me sometimes."

"Oh…"

"Jason Taylor and the housekeeper are married. They live in another apartment in this building." Kate elaborates.

"Why does he need security?" A strange feeling starts in my stomach.

"I don't know all the details but since he started to make a name for himself and he became this extremely wealthy entrepreneur he started receiving threats."

"But why?" The idea of someone wanting to hurt Christian makes me angry.

"Because he is rich as fuck Ana. They all want a piece of him. He does those hostile takeovers, and let's just say that they don't make him very popular…" _Everything comes with a price I guess._ "Besides he is known as aloof, intimidating and rules his business with an iron fist." As Kate shares this information about Christian I even get a little jealous. I never googled him. Ever. It hurt too much. Now I wish I would. Then I wouldn't feel so stupid.

There is a ping indicating that we have reached the penthouse. Shit I want to run. What the hell possessed me? What was I thinking in coming over to his apartment? Nervously is tug at my shirt with my free hand and take a deep breath.

 **Christian**

"You did what?" My brother is pacing the great room brushing his hands through his hair.

"I send her two bags of groceries…" Now that I say it out loud it sounds stupid. Well actually it is stupid.

"You should have seen the contents of her refrigerator Elliot! She has only wine…there was no food. No food at all!" I try to defend myself. I mean, I was only meaning to take care of her. It's not like I asked her to cook for me or anything like that. _Would be a nice gesture though._

"What did I told you to do man?"

"To have patience…" I mutter.

"Yes to have a fucking patience!" He bellows. "And what do you do. You spend the night with her like a creepy fuck and then you send her groceries! What the fuck happened to flowers or chocolates!"

"There were chocolates…her favorites…" I chime.

"You are stupid Christian!"

"I am?" My brother stares at me, mouth agape and shakes his head disbelievingly. _Guess he is trying to tell me that I am utterly stupid._

My phone beeps alerting me that someone used the code of the elevator. "Are you expecting someone?" Elliot points with his chin towards my phone on the table.

"No…I don't." I don't ever get visitors. Well except for my mother or Elliot.

I hear the faint clicking of heels on the marble floor and both Elliot and I watch as Kate enters the room…closely followed by Ana. They are both holding a grocery bag in their hands. _Oh Fuck._ Kate looks apologetic but then a smirk passes her face. Ana is standing behind Kate taking in the apartment. I wonder if she likes it. If she doesn't I make changes. I don't fucking care. I even paint a wall pink if that's what makes her happy. I know she loves pink. Her entire apartment has touches of pink. However it is not overwhelming and annoying. It is soothing and girly. It is Ana.

"Kate, Ana…" I stand from the couch and just stand there like a complete moron. Suddenly my arms seem useless and I have no idea what to do with them. _Christ!_ I have no idea why she is here. I am elated and on the other hand I know she didn't come for a social visit. She is mad. I can see it in her face.

"Hi" Ana takes a step forward and drops the bag from her hand making in land with a thud on the floor. Her voice is stone cold and the look in her eyes remind me of the times she would get extremely pissed at me.

"Ana…you received…"

"Shut the fuck up…" She cuts me off. Her eyes dart to Elliot who has his mouth hanging open from watching the scene in front of him. "Close your mouth Elliot…" She says before turning back to Kate.

Angry she pulls the bag from Kate's arms and throws it on the floor making the contents falling out of the bag. The Mac and Cheese box being a painful reminder of our past. It still remember like it was yesterday when Ana tried to cook Mac & Cheese. I think we were dating a couple of months. Sometimes we would spend the night at her dorm and sometimes we just stayed in my apartment. The latter had my preference since I didn't have to share it with a roommate.

 _Flashback_

" _Hi gorgeous" Sneaking my hands around Ana's tiny waist I watch in horror as she is whisking something looking utterly gross in a pan. Her brow is furrowed and her cheeks are flushed, meaning that this is taking an enormous amount of effort from her side._

" _Hi…" She says weakly. With a sigh she bows her head and throws the whisk into the sink._

" _What are you making baby?" I really am trying to sound genuine, but the smell is horrendous and I have to bury my nose in Ana's shoulder as not to heave._

" _Really?" She asks turning around. Her eyes are blazing and her nose is flaring. Oh…Oh…bad choice of words Grey._

" _Well…yeah…I can't determine what it is you are trying to make…is it for some kind of science project?" I am trying really hard not to laugh when I see something flare in those beautiful eyes._

" _A fucking science project Christian?" Taking a step back I watch fascinated how her hands settle on her waist and she just stares at me. This is not good. A silent Ana…watching me closely. She is plotting something…something bad. But then suddenly her shoulders sag and her arms fall limp along her sides. "That is Mac & Cheese. You told me that it was your favorite food…and I thought I would surprise you. I wanted it to be really special…" Her face turns towards the table and that's when I see that she has set the table for two, including candles and flowers. Fuck. _

" _I even arranged to have the room to ourselves tonight…Kate is spending the night elsewhere…"_

" _I'm sorry Ana for being such a jerk…" I take a step closer to the stove and even though I know that this is supposed to be Mac & Cheese, it doesn't resemble it._

" _It's okay…I just wanted it to be perfect you know…"_

" _Ana, it probably doesn't taste that bad…" I force out._

" _Christian, your eyes are watering. The smell is horrendous and it looks like crap…" True, true and true._

" _Why didn't you make me your specialty…the spaghetti I love so much?"_

 _Her eyes turn to mine and she blushes. "Because I know how much you love Mac and Cheese and you are constantly saying how much you miss your mother's Mac and Cheese…" She shrugs lamely. "I just thought it wouldn't be so difficult. Besides the box says 'the cheesiest' and you have told me repeatedly that you love cheesy Mac and Cheese…"_

" _Why don't we make it together?" I take her in my arms and press her head against my chest._

" _I don't have any more cheese…" She sniffs._

" _That is easily fixable baby…"_

 _That evening after having done some groceries Ana and I made Mac and Cheese from scratch. That same evening we also made love for the first time._

 _End flashback._

The mac and cheese has always been something symbolic in our relationship.

"Why did you do this?" She points at the bags on the floor her blue amazing, yet very angry eyes fixed on me.

"Because I need you to eat healthy." I answer and my voice sound pathetic. "I explained everything in the letter…"

"I don't need you to do anything for me Christian…" She spits out. "I don't need you…period. I have been spending the last five years on my own doing a pretty good job of taking care of myself…" She yells.

"You only have wine in your fridge Ana. I hardly call that taking care of yourself!" I shout back.

She takes a step closer and kicks the box of Mac and Cheese to the side with her converse.

"That is because I love grapes. I love fermented grapes Christian!" She cocks one eyebrow up and fuck she looks hot. Wearing that t-shirt hugging her breasts. Those jeans and even that yellow cardigan looks great on her. Her long brown hair is framing her beautiful face. _Just how I like it._

She looks edible. My eyes dart to her mouth and I need to suppress a groan. _Her mouth._

"Stop looking at me like that!" She yells again.

"You loved to cook Ana…you are an amazing cook I was stunned to find your refrigerator empty…"

"You don't know me anymore Christian. A lot has changed in these last five years…and even though it is none of your business…I eat. I eat takeout, Chinese, pizza…"

"Pizza? I can't hardly call that nutritious…" _Why don't you just shut the fuck up Grey!_

"Well I happen to love pizza…in fact I eat so much fucking pizza that I think the pizza loves me in return! It is like having a freaking affair with a pizza that is how much I love to eat pizza!" She yells from the top of her lungs.

When I see my brother chuckling at her love for pizza I give him my death stare. _A little help would be nice dickhead._

"Look I don't want to talk to you about my eating habits." She says rubbing her hands along her forehead. "We made a deal this morning. I agreed in spending time with you because of our commitment to Elliot's and Kate's wedding. I don't want to spend time with you…I…I hate you. I hate everything about you Christian. I don't want your gifts, I don't want your letters, and I don't even want your phone number. I want to forget you ever existed."

Drawing a breath of air her eyes dart through my apartment landing on the piano. It is briefly but I see a little spark in her eyes before they turn angry again.

"I don't need you to take care of me Christian. You lost that right when you broke up with me."

She turns around and starts walking to the elevator. Her hands are clenched at her sides, her entire body stiff with anger.

"Ana wait…" _Don't go. Please don't go yet._

"What do you want from me Christian?" She whispers. "What do you want?" I want you. I want all of you. I want to make everything right. I want to tell you how much I love you. I want to tell you that you are the prettiest woman I have ever seen. I want to tell you that I never stopped loving you. And I want to tell you that I have regretted breaking up with you since that day.

But I don't say none of that. I can't. First she has to learn to trust me again and truthfully I don't know if she ever will. "I want to talk to you Ana."

"And I told you that I don't want to talk to you." She says in a condescending tone, like she is addressing a fucking toddler.

"Fine!" I yell back.

"Good!" She shouts at me. "It was about damn time…" She mutters. Flipping her hair over her shoulders she looks at Kate. "Are you coming or are you staying?" Ana doesn't wait for Kate's answer but walks towards the elevator.

"I'm coming with you Ana…" Kate whispers. She gives Elliot a little wave and then turns to look at me. "Stop doing what you are doing Christian. That isn't the way to get her back…"

"Everybody is telling how not to do it…but I don't know what to do anymore Kate…"

"Give her time…give her space…let her take the first step." I nod my head, because frankly there is nothing much I can do. I will have to wait until Ana takes the first step.

Elliot walks around the counter and looks at the groceries which are now scattered on the floor.

"You need mom's help Christian…" And for the first time since I told him about what I did to Ana he looks sympathetic.

"Just prepare yourself for a verbal kicking…because mom will help you, but you will have to come clean dude…"

 **Anastasia**

"I don't think that's a good idea sweetie." Kate says and I can hear the pity dripping from her words. _I hate pity._

"I think it is the best idea…" I close the fridge a little more forcefully than intended and start searching for a glass of wine.

"Well, I don't…" Kate takes the bottle of wine from my hand and empties the bottle in the sink.

"Kate what are you doing?" I throw my hands in the air and walk past her in trying to get to the fridge. _No harm done. I have more bottles of wine._

"Stop it Ana!" The tone of her voice stops me in my tracks. "Stop it…please…"

The enormity of this morning and the last few days since seeing Christian again hits me like a ton of bricks. I slide down the fridge to the floor and hug my knees.

"You still love him don't you?" Kate wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me towards her.

"No…I don't okay! I hate him Kate!" But even to my own ears I don't sound convincing.

"Okay sweetie whatever you say…"

"You are right…I do love him…I never stopped Kate…doesn't that make me pathetic…" I look up at my best friend and I only see compassion.

"No it's not pathetic Ana…what you and Christian had that was unique…it was true love…"

"It wasn't Kate…our relationship was built on lies…and then he hurt me Kate…it took me years to get over him…years…do you know I cried myself to sleep for the first six months?"

"Ana, you disappeared. And every time I called you, you would tell me that you were doing fine. How was I supposed to know that you were feeling like shit?"

"I just didn't…couldn't talk about it Kate…" I wipe away my tears with my sleeve and close my eyes.

"Christian told me that he didn't love me anymore that he …that he had fallen in love with someone else…" When I say the words out loud again I see the images of that day flashing through my eyes. Christian who was packing his bags, his angry face. Recoiling from me. Telling me to leave.

Kate gasps and tightens her hold on me. "Ana, I believe you…but I don't think that it is true…"

"What do you mean?" I pull myself from Kate's lap and sit Indian style in front of her.

"Haven't you listened to anything I have told you?" I roll my eyes hearing her exasperated words. "I might have zoned out when you talked about Christian." I admit.

"I don't think he fell in love with anyone else Ana. From what Elliot told me…he never saw Christian with anyone else. I don't know all the details, neither does Elliot because Christian refused to talk about what happened between the both of you…but I know for sure that there wasn't anyone else…"

"Then why did he say that to me Kate?"

"I don't know…it is up to you to decide if you want to know the reason why he lied Ana…why he did what he did…" I nod my head and groan.

"I will call him tomorrow after my meeting with Grace…"

"I have a great idea to get your mind off of things…" She says clapping her hands in delight.

"What's that?" I ask not entirely sure if I am going to like her idea.

"We are going to bake cookies…"

"You can't cook or bake Kate…"

"But you can…and I get to watch and give you instructions of course…" Fantastic.

 _ **Christian**_

To say that my mother looks shocked by my surprise visit would be a huge understatement. However, when I sit across from her in the favorite corner of the house and I only answer her questions with a clipped answer she squints her eyes at me and slowly places her mug of tea back on the little side table.

"What is bothering you Christian?" She looks at her watch and then back at me.

"I need to ask you a favor mom…but first I need you to listen…"

"Are you sick?" She whispers.

"No…no mom…no it's none of that…the reason why I am here is because I need a favor from you and it concerns Anastasia Steele…"

"I am meeting Ana this afternoon…"

"I know, Elliot told me…" I admit.

"I'm listening…" My mother replies quietly.

"I fucked up mom…big time." I start and stand from the chair and start pacing the room. I can't bear to look at my mother. My parents loved Ana like their own. From the first moment they met her. My dad at first was a bit reluctant, but I guess that it was his way to protect me. From what I don't know, but he came around rather quickly.

"Do you remember the day I returned from Harvard and I told you and dad that I dropped out?"

She nods her head sadly. I tell my mother everything, well almost everything, she really doesn't need all the details, especially not from that year I spend alone in Boston. That is a story for another day.

My mother gasps as I finish my story and stares blankly at the floor before her eyes snap back at mine.

"How could you do that Christian? You were selfish and an idiot." She says angrily.

"Wow, mom don't hold anything back…"

She shakes her head, but still looks angry. Actually she looks more disappointed. I hate it when my mom looks like that. I can handle her anger, her disappointment is something entirely different.

"Why do you want my help?" Her voice sounds flat.

"Because she doesn't want to talk to me…she doesn't want to see me…she wants nothing to do with me…"

"You saw her?"

I nod. "I ran into her a few days ago…she dismissed me immediately. Telling me that she didn't want to talk to me…"

"And you are surprised?" My mother asks astonished.

"No…not really. Ana was always very strong-willed and extremely proud and I hurt her badly…I just wish she would gave me the chance to explain why I did what I did…" My mother is looking at me and I don't know what she is thinking. "I love her mom…I never stopped loving her…there hasn't been anyone else…"

"Okay, so let's say that she wants to hear you out and that she decides not to give you a second chance…"

"Then I will let her go…" I say quietly. I would destroy me though, but I would let her go.

"Really?" My mom raises her eyebrow and eyes me suspiciously. Yeah, she knows me.

"Yeah, really mom…" I admit. And I mean it.

"And what if she is in a relationship?" Is she for real? Is she now trying to hurt me or taunt me on purpose?

"Then…" I clear my throat. "Then I would leave her alone mother." After I have kicked that fucker's ass of course.

"Right…" My mother stands from her chair and gives me a weak smile.

"I'll see what I can do." She answers.

 **Anastasia**

As is approach the Grey estate via a long private drive, I notice that it hasn't changed since the last time I was here. And even though it is December the garden looks impeccable and impressive. I remember when we used to visit during school breaks that I loved the scent of the roses adorning the front door.

I loved spending time here. It was always cozy and I felt loved. Carrick and Grace are the best parents a child could wish for.

From the corner of my eye I watch as the front door opens and Christian comes walking out. I grip the steering wheel with both of my hands and feel my knuckles turning white. He looks amazingly handsome in his gray suit and lavender colored shirt. It amazes me how someone who used to be so incredibly insecure about certain things can ooze so much confidence. I watch as Christian kisses his mother on her cheek and turns to look at my car. He waves briefly, almost hesitantly and walks to the black sports car I saw parked in the driveway. That is one really hot car.

Taking deep breaths I wait until Christian drives away. "Come one Steele you can do this…" I mutter.

"Anastasia!" Grace Grey looks as elegant as I remember with her dark blonde hair and her dark blue dress.

"Mrs. Grey…" I say as I walk into her warm embrace.

"Oh Anastasia please call me Grace…you always called me Grace…" She whispers as she cradles my face in her hands. She ignores the awkwardness of the moment and guides me inside her beautiful home.

"Before we start I would love to hear what you have been doing the last few years." Seated in the kitchen I watch Grace preparing us a cup of tea. She looks genuine and even though she never did anything to hurt me, she is Christian's mother.

"Well I spend a few years in England as an au-pair. The father of my employer was a famous photographer who retired a few years before. When I mentioned that I was interested in photography he was happy to teach me some things. In the evenings, after Elizabeth, the girl I babysat, slept I took several photography courses. However, Mr. Wright taught me the most though."

Grace looks at me contemplative from the rim of her glass.

"When Elizabeth started school it was time for me to leave England. So I took a job in New York at a model agency…" I crinkle my nose at the memory. "It wasn't really my scene…"

"Why is that dear?"

"I photographed fashion shows or fashion shoots, but I also photographed nude models…" I feel my cheeks reddening and I am almost afraid to look at Grace. But then she surprises me by giggling.

"Male nude models?" Interesting. It seems as if she only heard that 'nude' part.

"Yes…" I whisper. "The photographs were very tasteful Grace, it is not what you might think." God, I want to slap myself. Now she is thinking I was photographing some porn stuff, while it couldn't be more further from the truth.

She waves her hand dismissively. "Tell me…how was that?" Leaning with her forearms on the kitchen table Grace moves closer, a smile tugging her lips.

"It was different…when I did my first shoot I was so shy. I remember standing there with this really handsome, very nude model and I just couldn't take the photo's because I was shaking so much…I kept apologizing and making myself even more nervous." I take a sip from my tea and smile at the memory. "He was amazing though…he put me at ease by cracking jokes and by making weird faces…"

I shrug and brush with my finger along the glass. "He took me out for a drink after that and we are still friends…" We became more then friends, but I decide to keep that information to myself.

"And they can actually make a living out of nude modelling?" Grace asks clearly interested.

"They can actually. But it takes a lot of hard work and a good reputation. For every hour they spent in front of the lens or canvas, they spent a lot networking, updating their portfolios, applying to casting, travelling to and from locations and so on…"

Grace is silent for a while and then her brown eyes lock with mine.

"And you also did some projects for National Geographic?"

"Yes I did. That was really due to Mr. Wright. He introduced me to the right people."

"And then you returned to Seattle…"

"Yes…I missed my dad terribly among other things and since I had built a big enough network in those two years I worked in New York, I decided to start my own business as freelance photographer. My dad helped me…"

"Among other things?" Grace cocks her head slightly to the right and watches me closely.

I just stare back not knowing what to say. I have no intention in telling her what actually made me leave New York. Only my mother knows and that's the way I want to keep it.

"Forgive me Ana, for sounding like a nosy old woman." She smiles genuinely and pats my hand. "How is Ray doing Anastasia?"

"He is doing great actually. When I was living in New York he took an early retirement. He still lives in Montesano and he works part-time in a local woodwork shop."

"I'm glad he is doing so well…" She smiles. "And what about Carla, your mother?"

"Well, my mom hasn't changed much. She is still married to Rob, she lives in Georgia, Savannah and is now into quilting…" I miss my mom. I should visit her shortly.

Suddenly Grace goes silent and a tension that wasn't here before grows thick. Oh shit.

"How is Mia and Carrick…?" I blurt out.

"Mia is in Paris…she is in culinary school at this moment and it would surprise me if she decided to stay there when she finishes in two years." Grace says proudly. "And Carrick is extremely busy at the moment working at a complex case…but he is doing well."

"That is good to hear…" I reply nervously.

"So about your phone call…" I add quickly because I feel that she wants to talk about her youngest son. But that is not why I came here and honestly…Grace is the last person with who I want to discuss what happened between her son and me.

"Yes…of course…" Grace waves her hand in the air. "The Coping Together, the drug rehab program for parents with young kids…"

"It is a very good cause Grace…"

Grace smiles sadly and sighs. "We are celebrating The Coping Together twentieth anniversary next May…Carrick and I have been approached by the magazine "Philanthropic" They want to spend an article to our charity. They are interviewing children and the parents who we were able to help with the support of Coping Together…we were able to choose our own photographer and when I mentioned it to Kate who is in charge of the interviews, she told me that you were back in Seattle…" Her voice dies down and she looks at me.

"It is an honor Grace…"

"We would like it if you could be present during the interviews. The interviews will take place in people's homes or in a place where they feel comfortable. There is only one little thing I didn't mention to you the other day when we talked on the phone…"

Even though she hasn't said the words, I know what is coming. I hope it's not what I am thinking though…

"Christian will also be interviewed…" The words hang in the air like a thick dark cloud.

"Grace…I…" The words get stuck in my mouth. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I can spend so much time alone with Christian. A stupid part of me wants nothing more but I know I will be setting myself up to hurt. But then again, I will have to spent time with Christian because of Kate's and Elliot's wedding. And at some point I need to talk to him.

"He is really sorry Ana…" Grace takes my hand and squeezes it in a comforting way.

"With all due respect Grace…I don't think we should be discussing this. I understand that Christian is your son…"

"And I know how stupid my son can be sometimes…" She says forcefully and cutting me off. "He was here just before you came…you saw him leave." I nod and wait for Grace to continue.

"Christian has always been very independent and I don't think he ever asked me for help…" Sighing she leans back in her chair. "He told me what happened…" My eyes snap up at hers and I feel the color draining from my face.

"And I know that I only heard his part of the story and I know that you are a grown independent woman and I respect you for that…" She adds. Standing from her chair Grace walks to one of the cupboards and takes a white envelope from one of the shelves. "

"Christian asked me to give you this…" Hesitantly I take the white envelope from her hands and stare at it. "He said that he understands if you rip that letter apart, however he would really would like the chance to explain everything to you."

I nod my head and shove the letter in my bag. "I will think about it Grace."

"Of course dear…I will keep in touch about the interviews…" She says with a sad smile.

"And Ana…." I close my eyes. I was already at the door, ready to get the hell out of here.

"Yes…" I turn around and look at Grace.

"Christian mentioned that he was spending the day at the Marina in case you would like to talk to him…"

"Okay…" I reply hoarsely and walk numb towards my car.

Back in the car I lean with my head against the steering wheel and close my eyes. A little buzz from my phone alerts me of an incoming text. I breathe in relief when I see it is Kate.

K: Hey Banana, just wanted to remind you of next week appointment for the fitting of the bridesmaid dress. X

I groan in frustration. Great. Just freaking great.

A: Hey. Didn't forget it. But how could I, you keep reminding me.

K: Be nice, or I will make you wear a yellow dress with pink polka dots.

A: Careful there Kit Kat. Remember I am in charge of your bachelorette party. I add a smiley and giggle.

K: My place tonight? You bring the wine I take care of the food.

Smart Kate…very smart thinking.

A: Sure. See you in a couple of hours. X

I turn on the engine and look back at the house. Grace is standing at the window looking at me. Great. I give her a small wave and drive off. What do I do now?


	6. Chapter 6 - Someday

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 6** **– Someday**

 **Anastasia  
**

 _Dear Anastasia,_

 _I am sorry. Please don't think that I am saying those words lightly. I mean them. I am deeply sorry, because I know that wat I did was wrong and I know that I hurt you deeply. I wish more than anything in this world, that I could take it back, but I can't. All I can do is try to show you how much I regret what I have done and ask you for your forgiveness. I take full responsibility for my mistakes, so please don't give up on me. I will do whatever it takes for you to trust me again._

 _I know that five years is a long time, but not a day has passed during those five years, that you weren't on my mind. I think back of all the many good times we had together. Remember our first date? Or the times that we cooked together? Or when we just would have endless discussions? I remember your smile and your giggle. I remember everything Anastasia. I even remember that one time that you tried to cook me Mac and Cheese, just because I loved it. Remember how that night ended? I miss making you smile and saying I love you. I miss feeling you close to me and looking at you. I miss your smile, your giggle and your wittiness. You were the one that showed me that it is okay to let your guard down. You were the one that showed me to be myself. But most importantly you were the one that showed me to love with no regrets._

 _Please give me a chance to explain myself and if you decide then and there that you don't want anything more to do with me, I promise to leave you alone._

 _I hope you will join met at Dante's restaurant at the Marina._

 _Love,_

 _Christian._

I read the letter again and again and I can't help the tears that are falling down my cheeks. I simply can't believe that he thought about me and that he still remembers all those things. Anger flares in me, because if he thinks that sweet words are going to take away all the pain he caused, he is delusional. _I guess that talking to him doesn't mean I forgive him._ Folding the letter I place it back in the envelope and push it in my bag and put the car back into drive. _Let's do this Steele._

Twenty miserable minutes was all it took to read the letter Grace gave me on Christian's behalf. Pretty disturbing and pathetic since I keep telling myself that I don't want to have anything to do with Christian. And again it takes me another twenty minutes to decide whether I am going to step out of my car to meet Christian. Because is there an explanation to justify his lies? _I don't think so._

Despite the fact that it is a Monday afternoon the Marina is buzzing with people. "Just get this over with Steele…" I roll my eyes at myself. The talking to myself thing is becoming concerning.

I only need to step out of the car, walk into the restaurant let him do all the talking and then leave…right? Yes, that is what I am going to do. I am going to walk into that restaurant, I will let him do all the talking, accept his apology or whatever and then I am going to step in my car, drive back home join Kate in her apartment and I will get drunk on cheap wine. Of course there will be the mandatory wedding-talk, but I just numb myself with the wine and everything will turn out just fine.

I am only five steps away from my car and already my knees are buckling, my stomach is doing summersaults and my heart wants to escape from my chest _. Do not fidget. Do not blush and most importantly do not freaking giggle. Oh and do not cry._

I keep repeating the mantra in my head until my fingers are locked on the door handle to enter Dante's restaurant.

The restaurant is almost empty with the exception of a young family with an annoying toddler. _Why do this kids always have to make so much noise?_

While scanning the space I only see the bartender who smiles at me the moment he meets my eyes. His eyes move to someone sitting at the other side of the bar. Not three seconds later I see Christian rounding the bar, walking graceful in my direction. It only takes him a few strides and he is standing in front of me, his hands deeply tucked in his jeans pockets. He has changed his suit into something more casual, yet incredibly sexy. Christian is wearing worn black jeans with a simple black shirt and a leather jacket. _Why does he have to look so good?_

"You came…" He says nervously and rakes one hand through his hair.

"So it seems…" I say quietly.

* * *

Awkward is the best word to describe the atmosphere right now. I have to admit that the surroundings aren't very helpful either. We are currently sitting on Christian's boat or is it a yacht? I have no freaking idea, I only know that it is big, shiny, impressive and incredibly elegant.

"The Grace" he just told me with pride shining in his eyes. Build by his own company. I didn't even have to ask why he called 'her' like his mother. I already know.

Somehow it is weird. Here I am sitting with the man who was my first love, well actually he was my first everything, a man who I shared everything with, my ideas, my insecurities, hopes and dreams…and now it is like we don't even know each other. It feels like I am sitting here staring at the water with a complete stranger. And maybe that is the whole crux of this awkwardness. We don't know each other anymore. Five years have passed, five long years…we have grown, and we have changed. We are not in college anymore were our biggest concerns were where to sleep or what to eat. Now we are talking about real life, with real problems and it scares the shit out of me.

"Wine and chocolate…" Christian places the tray with two wine glasses and a bowl on a small, but nonetheless, a very expensive looking table. The bowl is filled with my favorite chocolate…M&M's. Peanut M&M's to be exact…my absolute favorite. _He remembers._

"Not a very balanced or healthy meal…" I say. And immediately I want to kick myself. Why did I have to say that?

Christian brushes my remark away with a single shrug. "You told me that you love fermented grapes…who am I to withhold you from that?" There isn't sarcasm in his voice or anger. However the tightness around his eyes tells me that he is …what…nervous? Hurt? Maybe both? _Why do I even care anyway?_

I raise my glass with a silent nod of my head and bring the glass up to my lips. I close my eyes the moment I swallow the wine. This is different to the wine I am used to drink. This feels light, sparkly against my tongue and it tastes absolutely delicious.

The silence stretches and I wonder when he is going to start talking. He wanted to talk. He wanted me here. Now what is he waiting for?

"Are you cold?" His eyes wander over my think coat and stop at my face.

"A little…" I say clearing my throat. "I didn't expect that you would bring me here…" I gesture with my hand to our surroundings. "Otherwise I would have brought a warmer jacket…besides we are sheltered here and the sun is nice…" Christian shrugs out of his leather jacket and offers it to me. "What about you?"

"I am not cold…" He hands me the jacket making our fingers brush. _He did that on purpose!_ My breath catches in my throat the moment our fingers touch. It is still there…that tingling feeling. Our eyes meet and I know that he felt it too. I feel the blush spreading from my toes to my cheeks when I pull on his leather jacket. It is way too big, but comfortable. I am immediately engulfed in Christian's scent, mixed with the smell of the leather.

"Thank you for coming, you have no idea how much it means to me…" Christian finally breaks the silence. I don't reply because I have honestly no idea what to say. I don't even know why I came.

"Do you really hate me?" He asks but doesn't look at me. His eyes are looking straight ahead towards the sea in front of us.

Do I? Do I really hate him?

"It…it has been bothering me since you said that yesterday…actually you have said it a couple of times…and I need to know if you were telling the truth…I really need you to be honest with me…don't spare my feelings." I almost snort at the ridiculousness. _I am most definitely not going to spare your feelings Christian Grey._

I tuck my feet underneath my ass almost knocking over that expensive looking table and sigh. "I don't hate you Christian well not anymore that is…I hate what you did. I hate the fact that you shut me out, I hate that you lied to me, I hate that I fell for your lies…and lastly I hate the fact that it made me insecure."

He swallows and slowly his face turns to me. "And I hate myself for begging you not to leave me. Because the moment you closed the door to your apartment that day…" I shake my head as I remember that feeling…that was the lowest I have ever felt and you did that to me."

Christian closes his eyes and breathes out softly. He looks pained and lost. I can't even look at him right now.

"I know that sorry doesn't cut it…" He starts cautiously. "But there are some things I need to tell you…you might hate me again for it, but you deserve to know the truth."

Even though we are sitting on the deck of this ridiculous fancy boat and the air surrounding us is crisp and clean I feel like I'm suffocating. It is like someone is pressing with both hands on my chest making it impossible to breath. My instinct is telling me to run and never to look back again. And then while he is staring at me as if I am some kind of rarity all I want to do is slap him and hurt him. I want him to feel exactly how I felt. I want him to feel rejected, hurt, sadness and angry.  
"Was she worth it Christian? Was she a nice fuck? I mean how could you be so cruel…how long did it last…how long had you been fucking that old skank behind my back huh? Was it all those times that you told me you couldn't hang out because you had to study or was it that time that you were forced to go back to Seattle because your grandfather Grey died?" I lean closer to him, our noses almost touching. "Did you whisper sweet little words in her ear when you were fucking her? Did you let her touch you? You are one big fucking liar Christian…" I hiss.

As the words fall from my mouth Christian winces. His eyes are wide, his face ashen and his fists clenched on his thighs.

"There wasn't anyone else Ana…I never cheated on you ever…and I certainly didn't sleep with Elena!"

 **Christian**

Ana's head snaps back so fast that I am afraid she is going to hurt herself. "What?" She whispers.

"I said…"

Her face contorts and she lets out a dull laugh. "You are a son of a bitch Christian. DO you think I am actually going to believe you now? Hypothetically speaking, let's say that I believe you and that you didn't fell in love with someone else…then why the fuck say something like that to me?"

Fuck she is fuming and she looks so damn hot. But I need to focus on explaining everything to her, I need to know if there is just a small chance for us in the future.

"Because you are right, I am a son of a bitch and I panicked…I panicked Ana…and I didn't know what to do so I did what I do best…I say hurtful things to push people away." I gulp the wine down in one go and start pacing the deck. "I meant everything I said to you when I asked for you hand in marriage. I never ever lied to you about my feelings for you. I wanted nothing more than to marry you…I never lied when I told you that you were my forever, I never lied to you when I told you that I loved you…" _And I still do. I love you so much that it hurts._

"But then why!" She slams the wineglass down and walks towards the railing.

"Why did you panic?" She asks after a while. I notice that she is trembling. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms, but I know I can't.

"When you fell asleep that night I watched you. I loved watching you sleep."

"Let's not go down sweet-lovey-dovey memory lane okay…facts. I want cold hard facts Christian." She snaps.

"I was so happy that you wanted to marry me that I called my parents when you were asleep. I was so excited that I told them that you had agreed in marrying me and that I had this incredible business plan ready. I asked my dad to help me, but he got incredibly mad. He told me to stay put at Harvard.

He warned me that if I would drop out he wouldn't support me financially anymore. At that point I didn't even know if GEH would succeed…"

"But you lied Christian. You could have told me the truth. When I woke up…" She presses her hands against her eyes for the longest time.

"You were talking in your sleep. You were mumbling about babies and England and I felt so fucking selfish. I couldn't give you what you wanted Ana…I couldn't give you England…I didn't even have the money to support us. And I wasn't ready for babies either." I keep my eyes on my feet, unable to meet her gaze.

"We talked about it Christian. I was going to keep my job at that little coffee shop and you were going to start your own business. You had your trust fund. And as for the babies, sure I saw ourselves having children in the future, but please I was twenty years old Christian…you are talking a lot of bullshit."

"Please let me finish Ana. I need to tell you why I acted that way…" I plead with her. My hand briefly touches hers. But she immediately draws it back.

"Don't touch me Christian…" She whispers. "Just tell me what you have to say and we can both continue with our lives…"

"That same night, before I called my parents I called your dad…"

Her eyes grow wide and her mouth opens slightly. "You called Ray?" I nod my head and fill my glass with more wine to keep me occupied.

"I called him and told him that I had asked you to marry me and that you accepted…" I wince as I recall that painful conversation with Ray Steele.

 _Flashback_

" _Mr. Steele this is Christian Grey sir. Do you have a moment?"_

" _Of course son. And cut the sir. Just call me Ray." He chuckles._

" _Ray" I said clearing my throat. "I just asked your daughter to marry me and she accepted. I want to ask for your blessing. I love your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her."_

 _The silence stretches to the point that I am actually thinking that Raymond Steele has hung up the phone._

" _You asked my little girl to marry you?" There is humor in his voice, almost as if he thinks I am joking._

" _Yes sir…Ray…"_

" _And how do you think you are going to support her? How are you going to pay for her tuition son? Where are you going to live and how are you going to pay for other expenses? Because you understand that ones you marry my daughter, you are responsible for her?"_

" _I am starting my own business sir and once that is up and running I will be able to give you daughter everything she needs and more." My voice is trembling and there isn't much left of my resolve at this moment. Ray Steele is right. There is nothing I can offer Ana._

" _And what if you fail Christian?" That is out of the fucking question, however he is right. I have nothing to offer Ana. And she deserves everything. But he wasn't finished yet._

" _You know that she wants to travel right? You know how important Harvard is for her…" Not for her, for you I think gritting my teeth, but I bite back the remark._

" _Do you expect her to drop out of Harvard and follow you to god knows where? Annie is too young to get married, as are you. You still have all your life in front of you, don't do something stupid or rash Christian." The silence and despair creep up on me and I have absolutely nothing to say in my own defense._

" _Besides building a business from scratch requires a lot of time son. You won't have time to spend with my daughter. Hell you don't even have the money to support her. How were you thinking this was a good idea?"_

" _I am sure we can work something out." I stammer._

" _If you really love her like you say you do, you will let her go Christian."_

 _End flashback_

"You talked to my dad?" Her bottom lip is trembling and there are tears pooling in her beautiful eyes.

I just nod my head. "He never told me. He actually never once told me that he knew about the proposal…" She whispers staring at the floor.

"Ana, you don't have to blame your father. He did what every father would have done."

"No Christian…" She shakes her head. "You both withheld information from me." She takes a few deep breaths and pulls the jacket closer to her body. "You know I didn't expect to marry you the week after you proposed…and somehow you choose your company over me…you could have waited…you could have chosen me…" She looks completely shattered. "I would have never done that to you…I would have never hurt you like you hurt me."

"I wanted to give you the world Ana, because you deserve that…"

"I didn't want the world Christian…" She says cutting me off. "I just wanted you. I didn't need the fancy house or the car with the white picket fence and the dog…I was too young for that. I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with the guy I fell in love with. I didn't care if I never got the chance to visit England or if I had to spend eating canned ravioli for the rest of my life, because I was with you…you were more than enough."

Suddenly Ana straightens her shoulders and clears her throat.

"You know, this is too much right now. You made me believe that you had fallen in love with someone else Christian. After being through so much together in that year you pushed me aside as if I meant nothing to you…have you any idea what it did to me? To my self-esteem…? Then I just find out that you talked to my dad behind my back and that he decided that if was best if you would let me go? And without even discussing things with me, discussing your worries... you broke up with me in the most horrible way." She takes deep breaths of air while her teary eyes are focused on the deck.

"Don't call me, don't text me don't show up at my apartment."

"Where are you going?" I as panicked as I watch her walking towards the ramp."

"I need to think about this. Please give me space. Promise me that you won't contact me Christian…" She whispers.

"I promise…" _And just like that Ana was gone._

 **Anastasia**

It has been one week since my talk with Christian and I can truthfully say that I have never been so confused in my life. It was impossible to sleep, eat or think. It feels like I am left heartbroken all over again. I haven't called my dad yet, but that is only because I am too angry. I believed Christian when he told me how my dad had reacted when Christian called him. He probably did it to protect me, but he had no right what so ever. My dad called me a couple of times, but I let the calls go to voicemail. I know that if I speak with him right now I am going to say things I will regret. And I probably will, but this is just not the time.

I am still angry with Christian though. Did he really believe that I wanted wealth? It hurts that he chose to build his company over me. And something else that has been bothering me is how did he get the money to start his company? If his father didn't give him the money, and I am sure he didn't…then how did he get the starting capital?

True to his word, Christian never contacted me after I walked away from "The Grace"

What irritates me the most though is that I have been feeling this urge to text Christian. Why? I don't know.

Maybe I should have let him finish his story. It was clear that he had a lot more to say. But I just couldn't handle it anymore. And why do I care anyway. It has been five years. Five years in which I have made a good life for myself. Sure, it is lonely at times, but at least I don't have to be afraid of my heart being broken again.

I glance towards Christian's leather jacket draped over one of the chairs. I have been sniffing that stupid thing these past few days. _How pathetic is that?_

I grab the phone from the table and my fingers hover over the keys. Do I text him? But what do I tell him?

Maybe I should pay him a surprise visit to give him back his jacket. Yes, I should do that. He might need it. I roll my eyes at the stupidity of my train of thoughts. The guy is a freaking billionaire, he probably has a lot of jackets.

With my heart pounding against my chest I decide that it is better to text him. No texting him is not a good idea, I somehow need to see his face. _Make up your mind Steele!_

But what do I say? How do I start? Yes, I am going to drive over to his company and give him the jacket back in person. I can do this. Then I am going to tell him that for Elliot and Kate's wedding I am going to be civil around him. I still have a lot of questions since I haven't stopped thinking about everything he shared with me the other day. And somehow I think he still hasn't told me everything.

 _Shit, this overthinking is truly exhausting_. Without another thought I grab Christian's jacket and head towards the elevators.

* * *

"Good morning how can I help you?" The beautiful blonde at the reception asks me eying me up and down.

"I am here to see Christian…" I hold the leather jacket for her to see. "I wanted to return his jacket." I add feeling more self-conscious the seconds pass, while she is eying me up and down.

A flicker of surprise passes through the blonde's eyes and then annoyance. _Geez, what's her deal anyway?_

"You need an appointment to see Mr. Grey…" She emphasizes Mister. Forget it lady, because the day I call him Mister Grey, hell has frozen over.

I nod thinking about a way to give him back the jacket in person. I already came this far, I am not going to back down now!

"Can you please at least try?" _bitch._

"I am sorry but you really need an appointment." She turns back to her screen and continues tapping away like a moron.

I guess I will have to take matters into my own hands.

A: Are you busy? Ana. I quickly send him the text and look at the huge entrance. It is something else. The marble floors, the high ceilings. And everything is shiny, especially the floors. God, I have to remind myself never to wear heels around this place.

C: Never busy for you. At work. Christian.

A: I am standing in the lobby and I wanted to return your jacket. But they won't let me see you unless I have an appointment. Ana

I keep staring at my phone for the next few minutes waiting for his reply.

The opening doors of the elevator make me look up from my phone. Christian in all his sexy glory steps out of the elevator. He is dressed in a black suit, with a white shirt. He has the top two buttons opened giving me a peek of his chest.

He nods at me and smiles that incredible sexy smile. Once that smile made me weak in the knees now it just confuses the shit out of me.

Instead of walking into my direction he saunters towards the blonde receptionist. Immediately her cheeks turn a crimson color as she sees him standing in front of her impressive desk.

I can't hear anything that he is saying to her but from the stance of his body and the vein bulging in his neck it is clear as day that he is mad. Actually he is more than mad he is furious.

Then I watch in horror as the girl snatches her headset from her face and throws it on her desk. Grabbing her purse she stomps off. _She just got sacked…oh my god!_ Immediately the empty spot is replaced by another impeccable and beautiful looking woman. _Unbelievable._

"Hi, I'm sorry about that." Christian says as he approaches me.

"Did…did you just fire her?" I ask looking at the doors where the girl just disappeared through.

"Yes I did." He says and looks confused for a moment.

"But why?"

"She knows the rules Ana…" Before I can utter a single word he continues. "She was notified of the fact to grant you immediate access in case you would call or visit…" He deadpans.

"Why?"

"Because you are important to me." He brushes his hands through his already messed up hair and takes a step closer.

"I…I brought you back your jacket…" I stammer. _God dammit. Don't stammer. Act cool Ana!_

"You didn't have to take the trouble to bring it back." _Oh. Shit. He doesn't want to see me._ "I mean, I am glad you came, it is just that I don't give a flying fuck about the jacket." He adds quickly. And am I mistaken or is the ever so cool Christian Grey actually nervous?

"Oh okay…" Our fingers brush the moment he takes the jacket from my hand.

"Do you have time for lunch?" I blurt out. "I mean if you don't, it's okay I totally understand." I wave with my hands through the space. He must be super busy.

"I would love to." He says without hesitating.

"Good, it is just that I have been thinking about our talk the other day and I should have let you finish your story." _Just stop talking for god sakes!_

His smile is breathtaking and panty melting. "I need to get my phone from my office, it will only take a few minutes but I would love if you would accompany me."

"Okay." I reply lamely.

Christian's office is huge. The view is astonishing and I can only imagine how he must feel on top of the world when he is sitting behind the huge desk. My eyes wander through his office until they stop at a photograph hanging at the wall opposite of his desk. _I made that._ He has my photograph in his office? My head snaps back at him.

"You bought my picture?" How come I never knew?

With his hands stuck in his pockets Christian looks rather uncomfortable. "When I found out that you had become a photographer I started searching the internet. Soon I found your website…I knew that if I made the purchase you wouldn't sell it to me, so I used my security guard's name. Jason Taylor."

He is right. I would have never sold my photograph to him.

"This is called The Bridge to Infinity. It is located in Carrasquiera, a riverside village in the middle of Natural Reserve of Sado Estuary. This dock was built for fisherman, many of them were woman, to get into their boats during ebb tide. I spend a lot of time to get his picture right. I tried different angles, I waited for the tides to change…anyway, and this is the result." I hear myself say.

"I bought more…" He says blushing.

"You did?"

"Yes, I have one in my office at Escala and another one in my bedroom…" I am shocked after hearing his confession.

Walking next to Christian is weird after all these years. We did this thousands of times, however our hands were always entwined. _Always._ Now, it just feels awkward.

The restaurant is just a few minutes away from his office and soon we are seated in the far corner of a little French restaurant.

Once we have ordered our drinks we stare at each other for the longest time. Five years ago we could talk about everything and now it is just like we are strangers desperately seeking for a topic of conversation. The silence is deafening and tight. It is like the air has been sucked out of the windows the moment we step foot in this place. _Bizarre._

"Ana, I should have handled our conversation the other day completely different. I don't blame you for walking away…" His eyes look earnest and somehow sad. "I was just so glad that you were giving me the chance to explain that I handled it wrong. I needed to tell you how I felt and why I did what I did five years ago. But the situation was forced." I try to distract myself by taking a sip of my diet coke.

"I would like to make you a proposition…"

"What proposition?" I ask and my throat tightens.

"I know that I hurt you and I…fuck this is so much easier when I am saying it in my head…" He mutters. I have to smile.

"Just say it Christian. We have nothing to lose…" His brow furrows slightly. I didn't mean to make it sound so bitter. _Sorry._

"I would like us to start over again…as friends."

 **Christian**

I don't know how long Ana keeps staring at me but it is starting to worry me. She is thinking and I don't like it.

"You know that the word friend is related to the Old English verb _Freon,_ "to love, like, honor, set free?" She cocks her head to one side and stares at me. She doesn't look mad or happy. She looks smug.

I shake my head. I didn't know. Of course she knows, she knows all of that shit.

"Oh you didn't know?" She says now sarcastically. "Well let me explain it further then… a friend is

a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts, an acquaintance or a person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade." She smiles at the waiter bringing our drinks and thanks him politely.

"You are neither one of those things Christian. I might like you, but I certainly don't trust you…and I don't know if I ever will."

"Then how would you like to call it?" I am feeling totally out of control, but that's okay. I am ready to relinquish all of my control, if that means that she will give me another chance.

"I don't know…let me think about it for a minute." She fidgets with her napkin and watches me silently.

She opens the menu and closes it almost immediately. _Well that was quick._

"You already know what you want to order?"

She smiles knowingly and then whispers "The Mac & Cheese." However briefly her stunning smile is that passes her face I see it. That was the Ana is was knew.

I nod at her and swallow back and invitation to offer to cook her Mac and Cheese. _Don't push your fucking luck Grey._

Her smiles dies as fast as it came, probably remembering who is seating across from her. _The asshole that broke her heart in a million pieces._

"Do you still cook or don't you have the time anymore since you are running a billion dollar company?" She asks shyly.

"I don't cook as often as I would like. I have a housekeeper who cooks and who keeps the apartment tidy and clean. She comes three times a week and prepares food for the entire week."

"Do you still suck at making Mac and Cheese?" I ask her. Ana grins and nods her head. "I am horrible. I just can't seem to get it right…" She takes a sip of her diet coke. "I don't cook much anymore." She admits. "I mostly order take out and I eat with Mathilda every Wednesday…she is a terrific cook."

"She is very nice." _She makes horrible tea, but that is a topic for another day._

"She is a lovely person…" Ana admits.

"So, tell me how you became a photographer…" Ana becomes silent for a while and fidgets with the napkin. After a brief silence she explains how she left the States to work in London. Her eyes lit up when she talks about the little girl Elizabeth and how she learned how to photograph. Then something dark passes her face as she tells me about her time in New York.

"Did you like New York?"

"I didn't hate it. In the beginning I had to get used to the bustle. I had been living in the outsides of London for two years…in London it was quiet and tranquil. New York not so much."

"Where did you live?"

She scrunches her nose and giggles. Oh fuck her giggle. Music to my ears.

"I lived with the models…" She blushes and I am on high alert immediately. _Male models?_

"Did you like it?"

"Not so much…let's say that it wasn't my scene. There were a lot of parties…" Her voice dies and the conversations stops when the waiter brings our food.

"Tell me about you…" She says and she sounds a little too enthusiastic. She doesn't want to talk about herself anymore. Or maybe she doesn't want to talk about the time in New York?

"What do you want to know?" Uncertain eyes meet mine and the pain I see reflected in her eyes, goes straight to my heart.

"I need to know if you were telling me the truth the other day." She places her fork next to her plate and leans back in the chair. "About not falling in love with someone else." She says nervously.

"I was telling the truth Ana. I know that you must find it very hard to believe me after all that happened that day. But I never once lied to you before."

She seems content with my answers because she picks up her fork and continues eating. "Oh god…" She moans. "This is amazing, want to taste it?" Her smile is absolutely beautiful as she stretches her arm to let me taste the Mac and Cheese. _Déjà vu._

Leaning over the table I enclose her hand with mine and bring the fork towards my mouth. It only lasts seconds but it seems as if the world has stopped spinning and we are the only two people in the world.

Her eyes fly to my hand and she immediately pulls her hand back. "You mother called me the other day…" She says clearing her throat. "About the interviews." She clarifies looking everywhere but at me.

"I know my assistant told me that the interview is planned for next week. The first interview will take place at my office." I tell her robotically. "You will be there right?"

She only nods, but it is clear that her mind is elsewhere.

"I'm sorry…" She stammers.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because of this…" She waves her hands between us aggravated. "Because I am confused…because I want so damn much to hate you but…I somehow can't…" Tears are pooling in her eyes when she finally looks up at me. "You hurt me so badly Christian…you made me believe that everything had been one big lie, you made me believe that you had fallen in love with someone else…" Pressing her hands against her eyes she leans with her elbows on the table. _Fuck it. I can't watch her like this._

I throw my napkin on the table and kneel next to her. Carefully I pull her hands from her eyes and take them in my hand, softly brushing with my thumbs against her warm palms.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am for putting you through that pain Ana…please let me make it up to you. Give me a chance." _Let me show you how much I love you._

"I don't know…" She whispers and I see her bottom lip trembling. Fuck I hate seeing her cry.

"Please don't cry…please…"

"Can I ask you another question?" She whispers and I am almost ecstatic that she hasn't pulled her hands away from mine.

"Everything…" I breathe. "You can ask me anything you want Anastasia…"

"The letter…was is true. Did you mean it?"

"I mean every fucking word…" I hold my breath as I see her eyes searching my face.

Then suddenly as if a switch is turned inside of her head she slowly pulls her hands back from mine and exhales deeply.

"I am not ready to be friends yet Christian. I can't…" Her words cut through me and they hurt. Fuck it hurts. "I am not completely dismissing the idea of being friends, but it is too soon…maybe someday."

She shrugs and blushes slightly. "Because I have this feeling that there is much more that you need to tell me and there is a lot more I need to ask you."

I nod because she is right. There is a lot more I need to share with her. But somehow the thought of her not completely dismissing the idea of being friends someday, gives me hope.

 _Someday…I can work with that._ I give her my best smile and force myself not to jump up and kiss and hugthe ever living shit out of her and tell her that I will prove to her that she can trust me again. But this is way more than I ever expected. _Little steps._


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Christian – Realizations**

After I walked Ana back to the car last week my initial happiness soon diminished when we bumped into Ana's fucking neighbor. I really, really wanted to punch him in the face, but the fucker just ignored me and acted as if I wasn't even there. _Idiot._ Does he even know who he is dealing with?

Fortunately the fucking dick was in a hurry so their conversation was cut short, but I did hear that they would meet that same night at Mathilda's for dinner. Seems that fucking Justin eats there too nowadays. _How fucking coincidental._ And as if things weren't bad enough, the fucker kissed Ana on the cheek and winked at her before turning around and walking away. Ana just stared at him while he was walking away, when she turned to face me her face was blank and void of any emotion whatsoever. She seemed way more relaxed interacting with that fucking Justin than she is with me though and that infuriates me. But I know that I owe that to myself. Because when everything comes down to it, I am the fucker that broke her heart. When it was time to part way things got a little awkward. So after a short and painful silence Ana stepped into her little black car and after giving me a shaky smile she drove off.

Parts of the conversation that took place in "The Grace" keep haunting me. I expected Ana to react the way she did. She has every right to be angry and hurt. But there is still a lot that she doesn't know and I need to tell her everything. I need to come completely clean with her. Whether that will make the situation easier, I really don't know…I doubt it actually. But she deserves the truth.

And even though our conversation at the French restaurant was a little step forward, I am not stupid. I know that Ana is reluctant in getting back to a friendly basis with me. I understand it perfectly. She was under the impression for five years that I broke up with her because I had fallen in love with another woman. Then she finds out that not only did I lie to her, but that her father, who she adores, was also involved.

Summarized it is a huge cluster fuck and it is a fucking miracle that she wants to be in the same room as me.

Normally I always feel in control when I am at work. Sitting on my comfortable chair, behind my desk, delegating work to my employees is how I keep in control. I can't remember that there has been one day that I was nervous while being in my office. Moody, grumpy, pissed off, angry, fuming yes, and every now and then ecstatic when we had closed a huge deal. However, never nervous. But I guess there is always a first time for everything…right?

And the reason for my nervousness? Well because ever since Ana and I talked the other day we have been sending each other little text messages. I started first of course, texting her that I had enjoyed our lunch. A few minutes later I received a text back, saying that she enjoyed it too.

This friendship isn't developing as fast as I would like, but then again I think I am lucky that she even wants to talk to me or be in the same room as me for that matter. Initially her messages were short and to the point. Now they are slightly longer and occasionally she even adds a cute emoticon. _I fucking love it when she adds a silly emoticon!_

But now it has been twelve hours since I send her a text inviting her to have dinner with me and she hasn't texted me back yet. Now, I don't know if I was too forward and that she doesn't know how to reject me or that maybe something happened to her. Or maybe, she is hanging out with that ugly neighbor of hers and is totally forgotten about me.

With a last glance at my phone I shove it in my pocket and walk out of my office. It is time to meet my mother for lunch at the hospital.

Unfortunately, since dropping out of Harvard the relationship with my father is strained. Since the day he threw me out of Bellevue our relationship deteriorated. Granted, that my relationship with my father always was less smooth, which incidentally had nothing to do with him, but everything with me. I always had the feeling that he could see straight through me so I just kept my distance. It got slightly better when I met Ana though.

The year I spend alone in Boston after dropping out of Harvard, I hardly had any contact with my parents. I called my mother once every few months, but only when I was almost sure that my dad wouldn't be there. I never knew that my parents went through a very difficult path after my dad kicked me out. Seems that my mother didn't agree with his decision. They even spent a few weeks living apart. At least that was Elliot's drunken confession a few years ago. The last four years I have try to avoid my father as much as possible. The mandatory Sunday evening dinners are terrible. It's mainly my mother, Elliot and Kate who keep the conversations at the table going. The only reason I show up at these diners if for my mother. I know how hard this is on her.

My dad acts as if nothing is wrong. He asks me questions, mostly about work and I answer them, without even looking at him. I have no clue how my father can sit at the head of the table, happily chatting away with Elliot and Kate and pretend like nothing happened five years ago. And the more time passes, the less inclined I am to forgive him.

* * *

I park my Aston Martin in the hospital parking area and watch Jason Taylor parking his car next to mine. I can't help the grunt that escapes my lips, because as much as I love my job and the many benefits it has, there is definitely a downside to all the money and success. I need constant protection. I hired Taylor one year ago. As my business was growing, so were the threats. I decided in hiring a close protection officer when I started receiving threats against my parents and siblings.

Taylors role consist mainly of pre-searching rooms and buildings that I will be visiting, researching the background of people that I will have contact with or who are hired to work at GEH. He also escorts me on my day-to-day activities. Sometimes when I need the space and I drive myself to work just like the other day with Ana at the Grace I didn't need Taylor there. That was just about Ana and me.

I luckily have my privacy at home. Taylor lives with his wife, who happens to be my housekeeper in an apartment one floor below the penthouse. My apartment is protected with the best security system and in case of an emergency Taylor can get there in thirty seconds.

I step out on the seventh floor. The children's ward where my mom has been working for the last twenty years. Taylor is a few steps behind me. I stop dead in my tracks when I see a sleeping Ana in a deserted hallway close to my mother's office. She looks absolutely beautiful. She is wearing jeans and a light blue hoody. Her hair is in a braid that is hanging over her left shoulder. Her head is leaning against the wall and she has her hands clutched against the camera hanging from her neck. _What in the world is she doing here?_

I stop and hesitate for a moment. I look back at Taylor who is watching me cautiously. "That's Ana…" I whisper. "She used to be my girl…" I add lamely and I see his brows shooting up. _Yeah shocker!_

"I fucked up badly…and I just wish that she would give me another chance…" I brush my hands through my hair not really knowing why I shared this with him. It takes only a few seconds before Taylor's face goes back to his usual stoic expression. He was probably under the impression that I was gay since I haven't had any female interaction since he is in my employment. _If only he knew…_

"She looks uncomfortable Sir. Maybe you should sit beside her. I will inform your mother…" He says scraping his throat, his eyes darting from me to Ana.

"Excellent idea Taylor." I knew I hired him for a reason. _He is a_ _Fucking genius._

I watch mesmerized as Ana's chest slowly rises and falls while she sleeps peacefully. I always envied that. Ana can sleep anytime and everywhere and once she falls asleep a bomb can go off and she won't even stir. _Amazing._

After ten minutes of watching her Taylor returns. "Your mother isn't in her office Sir. There was some kind of emergency she was called into."

I nod my head and look at Ana.

"Is there something I could get you from the cafeteria while you wait Sir?"

"Orange juice and maybe doughnuts?"

"Doughnuts Sir?"

"Yes, Ana's favorite." I add simply.

With a simple nod of his head Taylor turns around and leaves me alone with Anastasia.

It is strange, because even though every now and then people pass us, it feels like it is only Ana and me in the hallway. My eyes wander from her face, down her chest and then stop at her small, delicate hands. Her nails are short and looked after and this time she has painted them in a light color pink. Ana always had many different colors of nail polish, just like those scented body creams she used. Her favorite and certainly mine, was the one that smelled like jasmine.

She has changed though. Five years ago, Ana just turned twenty, she was sweet, beautiful, caring, but in many ways still a girl. And even though I considered myself back then as mature and an adult…I wasn't. I was anything but mature. I was an immature, selfish and an utter asshole. I didn't know it then, but there were a lot of things I still needed to learn.

The first thing I noticed when I saw her the first time after those agonizingly long five years, was how much she has changed. Her eyes are as stunning as ever. And now her body, I thought she had an incredible body but now it is just amazing. She is curvier, what makes her even sexier. I think even her tits are bigger now, but to know for sure I would have to touch them and I don't think that would be very much appreciated at this point. I even think that she would kick my ass. Because despite the fact that Ana was and is sweet, loyal, caring and extremely loving she was also extremely determined and stubborn. She wouldn't have to think twice to put me in my place. She had the ability to tell you exactly how she felt, but she was still able to show that she cared. But it was mostly her determination and her no nonsense attitude that pulled me out of my shell. Because thanks to her love and patience I conquered my phobia, I actually got a few friends and she told me time and time again how great I was and how much she loved me. Even when at the beginning I couldn't reciprocate…because I truly thought I was incapable of love.

Ana was also the first person I told about Elena Lincoln. Ana was shocked, angry at the vile woman and in the end sad for me because it was the worst way to lose your virginity. Several times she tried to convince me to tell my parents about her depravity, but I couldn't. The shame and the fear of being kicked out was too much. Moreover I didn't want to disappoint my parents more than I already had done.

I handed the proof I had of my few times with Elena fucking Lincoln to Ana back them to guard it for me. I wonder what she did with those pictures after we broke up. I don't even know why I gave her those pictures, I know that she didn't want to look at them…so she placed them in a little wooden box where she kept different kinds of knick-knacks. I knew I had to give them to her, I didn't want them. Even the reminder of those pictures sends chills up my spine, because that bitch made perfectly sure to photograph me in every single humiliating position.

After three horrifying sessions with Elena I knew that I didn't want to be beaten to submission. That just wasn't me…so instead of telling my parents the truth I begged them not to send me back there. I told my mother that I didn't feel at ease at the Lincolns. She believed me. My parents decided to send me to my Grandparents Trevelyan. That is where I spend the summer…helping my grandfather with different kind of chorus around the house. He even took me to his lawyer firm a couple of times where he would put me to work. I would archive or answer the phone. I didn't care, because he treated me like a normal person. He didn't tip-toe around me, he was basically just like Ana. He didn't take any shit from me. It was also my grandfather who taught me the basics of doing business. After dinner we would sit in their library and he would tell me how important it was to have a good business plan, that business involved planning and making key financial decisions. He told me to surround myself with the best team and as long as I could keep my head straight and work hard I could succeed. I have to admit that it was one of the best summers I can remember. That was the first time my grandfather Theo saved me…years later would be the second time.

However, when I returned that summer to Seattle the Lincolns had moved. My parents were kind of vague about it, but then one day I heard my parents talking and it seemed that Mr. Lincoln had filed for a divorce. That after having beaten the shit out of his wife.

Bliss spreads like fire through my veins as Ana's head slowly falls against my shoulder. She lets out one of the smallest sighs and continues sleeping peacefully. I close my eyes savoring the contact of her head against my shoulder. And the fact that the touch is hindered by several layers of fabric doesn't matter one damn iota, because I couldn't be happier.

Taylor returns with two small bottles of orange juice and fights a smile when he sees that Ana's head is now leaning against my shoulder.

"There weren't any doughnuts Sir, but I brought you this from the vending machine."

He hands me a small package M&M's peanuts but remains stoically. When I keep my gaze on him he simply shrugs. I just nod my head because I am too dumbfounded to actually speak. He knows that Ana's love's M&M's. He knows because is asked him to buy them when Ana and I met at the Marina.

I don't know if M&M's will get Ana to forgive me, but it is a nice gesture. Taking a few steps back Taylor takes his place near the doors and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

I remain perfectly still since I don't want to ruin this. However suddenly Ana makes this weird movement and jumps up letting out an adorable squeal.

It takes a while before she is aware of her surroundings and that I am sitting next to her. I wait and just look at her. And she looks at me. It is adorable and I have to stifle a chuckle when she blinks her big blue eyes a few times. Her nose crinkles and then she rubs her eyes smearing the little make-up she is wearing over her face.

"Christian?" She croaks.

"Yeah…" I shrug lamely.

"What…what are you doing here?" Her eyes widen and she jumps from her chair. "Oh my god, how long have I been asleep…is the baby born yet? Oh my god…I can't believe I fell asleep!" She says.

"What baby?"

"Well the baby of course!" She says exasperated.

"I don't understand Ana…" I say carefully because she is waking up and I see that she is getting angry.

"Of course you don't understand…" She huffs. "And what are you doing here anyway?" Her eyes drop to the bag of M&M's in my hand and her brow furrows.

"I came here to have lunch with my mother, but then is saw you sitting here and I didn't want to leave you alone." I admit truthfully. I expect her to lash out and tell me that I left her five years ago, but surprisingly she doesn't. _Thank fucking god._

Closing her eyes she leans her head against the wall and sighs. "Your mother was called into an emergency. I was supposed to photograph a new born baby but then there were complications and they told me to wait…I didn't get much sleep last night, that's probably the reason for falling asleep." I nod my head even though she can't even see me.

"Taylor brought you some orange juice and M&M's…" I say and gesture with my head to where Taylor is standing.

"Is that Taylor?" She points at Taylor that is still standing in his spot.

"Yes, he is…"

"He is like your bodyguard right?" Her eyes briefly meet mine.

"Yes, something like that…" I say clearing my throat and suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

She gives Taylor and small smile and a wave. "Thank you these are my favorites." Ana says holding the bag of M&M's in the air.

"You're welcome ma'am and lucky guess…" Taylor prompts and his eyes swiftly moves to mine. _Smooth Taylor, very smooth._

"Do you want some?" Ana asks.

"Sure…" She holds the bag in front of me but watches closely witch one I take. "Don't eat the red ones, those are my favorite…" She murmurs and glances at me from the corner of her eye.

"I know…but then so are the yellow and the blue ones…" I reply.

"True, so that is why you have to eat the green ones…those are yours…" A tiny bit of ice melts from my heart. I can't even recount the times we had this little conversation. Because every time Ana eats M&M's she starts with the read one, then the blue and then the yellow…leaving the green ones.

"Why didn't you reply to my text message?" I ask after a while.

"I don't know…" She admits. "I…I am confused Christian…"

"Confused about what?" Popping another green chocolate covered peanut in my mouth I anxiously await her answer. I only asked her out for dinner, so it was a simple answer, yes or no. However I know that it isn't that simple.

"Because your texts are sweet and fun and then I find myself almost giddy when I receive a text, making something stir in my belly, but then I remember how much you hurt me and I don't want to feel giddy or happy or excited I want to hate you I want not to like you…" Ana is talking at rapid speed, staring blankly ahead. I admit it. It hurts hearing her say something like that. I want her to be happy when she receives my texts, but I understand her confusion. I somehow need for her to trust me again. However I am selfish enough to want her. I want her giddy about my texts, I want that stir in her belly. I want her to like me, to love me and not to hate me. So I will do everything that it takes to make her happy.

"It isn't my intention to hurt you again Ana." I can hardly contain myself in reaching out and taking her hand in mine. Instead I busy myself in opening my orange juice bottle and take a sip.

"I thought about your proposition…and I have questions, a lot of questions. I am warning you though, if I don't like the answer of one question in particular…there won't even be a someday…and your proposition will be off the table." She is holding my gaze when she tells me this. She is certain about this, she obviously gave it a lot of thought and it scares the living shit out of me. Because I will be honest with her. I owe her that much, besides contrarily of what Ana may think I was always honest with her, except for that unfaithful day.

"You can ask me anything you want…"

"Not here, this is not the place believe me." Ana replies serious.

"Then were?" Because I want to get it over with. I want us to be able to move further.

Before she has the chance to reply the door opens and a very tired Grace comes walking out. "Grace…" Ana breathes. "Are they okay?"

My mother smiles tiredly at Ana. "They are going to be just fine. Judith is very tired so she will need to rest." My mother says in doctor mode.

"Of course…" Ana replies and bends down to take her bag from the floor. "I will call Spencer as soon as I get home and make another appointment."

 _Who the fuck is Spencer?_ I think as I watch Ana and my mother interact. And then the door opens again and a tall, bulky guy with longish hair exits the room. If I had to describe how the guy looks I would have to say extremely happy.

"Ana…" In two strides the guy walks up to her and engulfs her in a hug. What the fuck!

"Spencer…" Ana hugs him back smiling. I would really like some explanation now. Who the fuck is this Spencer and why is he hugging my Ana that way? And why does he look so fucking familiar?

However I don't get any introductions. They start talking in hushing voices completely forgetting about me. I don't know why, but it hurts. Apparently Ana doesn't feel the need to introduce me to this fucker with who she seems to be very close to. And then a most terrifying thought enters my mind…It has been five years, five long fucking years since the day I left Ana…and I have no fucking clue as to what Ana has been doing all those years. She probably dated, she even might have been in a serious relationship. Because my brother was right, Ana is gorgeous and sweet and having her at your side as your girlfriend is an amazing thing. She moved on. Without me…

Pain settles in my chest as I realize all those things. Carefully so I don't get noticed I take a few steps back and walk out of the hospital and away from Ana.

 **Anastasia**

"Judith is resting right now…" Spencer says with love radiating from his eyes.

"I understand." I nod. "Why don't you call me when you are back home and then we can take those pictures you wanted?" I say smiling.

"Thank you Ana and I am sorry you had to wait here…"

"No worries…" I wave him off. And I mean it. Spencer gently squeezes my shoulder and turns around to enter the room where his wife and newborn baby born are currently sleeping.

Grace has already said goodbye to us and probably back to her office. I turn around and expect Christian to be there, but he's not there. Disappointment swells in my heart when I realize this. Why did he leave? Why didn't he say something before he left? I mean, if he takes the trouble to sit next to me while I sleep, why did he sneak out? Why didn't he say goodbye?

I kick myself as I feel annoyance building in my body. I don't need Christian. What do I care anyway that he left. But I do care…I do.

When Spencer walked out of the hospital room I knew that the polite thing to do was to introduce him to Christian. But I didn't. I deliberately ignored Christian and put on my brightest smile while I was talking and listening to Spencer. I wanted to hurt Christian. I wanted to show him that I have my own life with my own friends. And then again, how would I even introduce him? _Hey Spencer, meet my ex-fiancée…yeah so not doing that._

Frustrated with myself and my feelings I gather my stuff and start walking towards the exit and to my car. God. I am so tired. The moment I get home I am going to take a long hot shower and then I am going to take a deliriously well-deserved long nap. Because sitting on a plastic chair in a hospital hallway is not very fun or comfortable.

* * *

I showered, took a small nap and ate. I need to add, proudly, that I actually cooked myself this time. No take out. _Well done Steele!_ I can't even remember when it was the last time that I actually cooked. I was even tempted to send Christian a picture of my home-cooked meal, but immediately I dismissed that idea. Because I was being completely honest with him at the hospital. After a while I actually looked forward to receiving his little text messages. They were nothing out of the ordinary, but still. Then I realized that they actually made me happy. His silly, no-nonsense texts put a freaking smile on my face. That confused the hell out of me. Because I should be angry with him. I shouldn't even be thinking of him…yet I do. Constantly. And it really scares me.

Adele's song, "When we were young" is playing on the background softly and I am immediately reminded of Christian. But it doesn't matter which song I listen to nowadays…they always remind me of Christian. I have checked my phone a hundred times since I left the hospital, hoping that Christian would have texted me why he had to leave so sudden. Why didn't he wait to say goodbye?

A soft knock on the door startles me from my musings. I slowly stand up and walk towards the door. "Mathilda, hi what can I do for you." Mathilda is wearing her robe even though it isn't even eight o'clock yet.

"I found this guy leaning against my door…" I follow the direction of Mathilda's frail arm and I am shocked to see that it is Christian. He is slumped against Mathilda's doorframe and snoring softly.

"What is he doing here?" I whisper without taking my eyes from Christian. He looks disheveled and miserable.

"I heard a hard noise against my door…at first I thought it was you, but then I heard it again. When I opened my door to see what was going on I found him here."

I sigh and walk the two steps to Christian and crouch next to him. I want so badly to touch him. To remove the hair that has fallen on his forehead. I want to rub my thumb against his pouting lip…but I can't. "Christian" I whisper. "Christian, please wake up."

"I'm sorry Ana…" He whispers. _I'm sorry too._ I think.

"What are you doing here…?"

"Talk…" His eyes open briefly but he closes them as quickly. "Need to talk Ana…please…"

"Can you stand?" I ask.

He snorts very un-Christian like and pushes himself up. He then gives me a lop-sided grin and winks. I can't help but smile at his playfulness. I shake my head and point my finger towards my door. "Now walk…" I say stern.

His brow furrows and he slowly lifts his head to look at my door. When he sees Mathilda he smiles sheepishly.

"That is the cookie-lady…" He sways a bit and then turns to me and leans over until his mouth is near my ear. "She…makes horrible…horrible tea Anastasia…" He slurs.

"That boy is drunk as a skunk…" Mathilda says smiling at me. Her eyes crinkling.

"He is, thank you for alerting me Mathilda. I will get him inside and call him a cab as soon as he sobers up."

"I am just one door away sweetheart if you need something…" She walks passed me and waits until Christian has finally entered my apartment.

After five minutes I finally manage to get Christian on my couch. He is half laying half sitting and it reminds me of the times he used to get drunk during college. Not that I happened much, but when he did Christian seemed to lose all his inhibitions. He is a sweet-drunk though.

"Why don't you lay down for a bit? I will get you some water." I tell him while I keep my distance.

"Will you lay down with me?" He asks hopeful.

"I can't Christian…you know that. Now lay down and I will get you that water…"

In the kitchen I try to come up with different ideas to get him to his own apartment. The easiest way would be to call Elliot. But I know that Kate and Elliot are having dinner today with the Grey's. And I know that if I would call him he would be here in a minute, but somehow I can't get myself to do it.

I am just going to call a cab when he sobers up, that is probably after a few more hours. I will give him water and after he takes his nap I will call a cab and he can leave.

When I walk back into the living room Christian has discarded his jacket, tie and shoes. He is laying on the couch with his eyes closed and his arms are slung over his head. He looks vulnerable and extremely handsome. I quickly avert my eyes from the place where his shirt has crept up…shit even his happy trail is sexy.

"Christian, you need to drink some water." I urge him clearing my throat. Slowly he opens his red rimmed eyes and stares at me. "Will you please stay with me while I sleep…" His voice sounds broken and hurt and I have to force myself not to wrap my arms around him.

"I will…but first you have to drink water." I repeat.

"So bossy…" He chuckles. He obliges and drinks the water and slumps back on to the couch. His glassy eyes meet mine and a silent plead goes out. _Oh Christian, I should smack your head and kick your ass out of my apartment._ But of course I don't…I sit down on the floor and take his hand in mine. That tingling sparkling feeling that happens every time we touch shoots through my arm and our eyes meet. "I felt that too…" Christian says silently.

I just nod my head and squeeze his hand. "That's a good thing right?" He presses.

"Just sleep Christian…"

"Please don't leave…" He whispers.

"Do you still have nightmares Christian?" He just nods his head slowly.

"I won't leave you…I promise" Probably content with my request Christian closes his eyes and falls into a peaceful sleep.

I try to slip my hand from his a few times but every time I try Christian tightens his hold and stirs. Eventually I give up and just hold his hand. It is not a very comfortable position I am in, but it is just for a half hour or so. I'm tempted to slide in next to him and lay my head on his chest like I always used to do. And why is he drunk anyway? What made him get drunk in the middle of the day?

With our hands still entwined I lean my head against the seat and let out of long sigh. We can't keep doing this. We somehow keep bumping into each other but nothing gets resolved. It is time that we sit down and talk.

 **Christian**

I wake up staring into a mass of brown hair. Somehow Ana must have fallen asleep too. My head hurts like a bitch and it feels like they dumped a sack full of dirt into my mouth. Fuck, I left the hospital and got drunk. Then I decided that it was a good idea to visit Ana. I only remember drinking a large glass of water Ana offered me.

I let my eyes roam her body and I like very much what I see. Ana is wearing some kind of oversized soft pink sweater and dark gray over the knee socks. Because of the way she is laying I have an excellent view of her cleavage.

"Pervert…" I hear softly and my eyes immediately go to Ana's blue ones. _Shit._

Shaking her head she extricates her hand from mine and stands up from her uncomfortable position on the floor. "How are you feeling?" She asks feeling uncomfortable.

"Better than I deserve…" I admit.

She nods her head and walks towards the kitchen leaving me alone with my thoughts. I hear a coffee machine coming to life and then moments later she walks back in with a cup coffee. "Here drink this…" She says silently. She sits on a loveseat across from the couch and curls her legs under her body.

"Thank you for letting me in…" I say after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

Slowly she raises her head and looks at me for what looks an eternity. "Why were you drunk Christian and why did you end up here?" She smiles briefly but shakes her head as if she is trying to shake of the feelings she is experiencing right now. "Actually Mathilda found you…you probably passed out against her door…"

"Fuck…I don't even remember getting here." I admit. "Did I scare her?"

"Mathilda isn't easily scared. I think it should be the other way around." I smile as I think of the frail looking lady. Pulling my phone from my pocket I send a text to Taylor and have him arrange to send Mathilda flowers. I mean that's the least that I can do. "Do you happen to know what her favorite flowers are?"

"Tulips…she loves tulips." Ana replies immediately and watches me curiously as I send Taylor a text.

"Tomorrow she will receive a flower arrangement with a card attached apologizing for the inconvenience." I clarify.

"And just like that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you send a text to that bulky man and it is all set?" She almost sound accusatory.

"I pay him very well Ana."

"Well, it is what you always wanted." She states without taking her eyes off me. And I really would like to know what she is really thinking right now.

"It is…"

"Christian. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." The words hang in the air like a thick cloud of smoke.

"Why were you drunk?"

"It probably may sound crazy, but in the hospital I realized that you have a whole new life. A life that I have no part in. I don't know your friends…and I wish I was still a part of it…"

Her eyes flare with anger. "You could have been…it was you who ended things. Not me."

"I know. And you have no idea how I regret that. You have to believe me Ana there was nobody else. There wasn't another girl or woman who I had fell in love with. There are still a lot of things I need to tell you…I want to be completely honest with you."

"I don't think this is the right time to talk about this…" Ana says nervously and she jumps from the couch.

"At least let me explain. You said in the hospital this afternoon that you had questions. Ask me Ana, ask me everything you want…I will be honest I promise."

She winces slightly and starts pacing the room. "And that's where the crux of the problem is Christian. Don't you understand? You have lied to me once…who tells me that you won't lie to me again? I gave this a lot of thought since you told me the other day that there had never been another woman…first I thought how could he do that to me? How could he have been so cruel and hard, why didn't he tell me the truth? Then I started to blame myself…was it me? Should I somehow had seen it coming and then I thought…where the fuck did I go wrong?"

She turns around and looks at me sadly. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to start trusting people again?"

"I'm sorry" I whisper and hang my head in shame. I can't even bear to look at the pain in her eyes.

"Will you stop saying sorry!" She yells. Her hands are clutched at her sides. "Sorry doesn't make everything go away Christian…sorry doesn't mean shit!"

"Then what the fuck am I supposed to say to make you listen!" I yell back totally exasperated. "I made a mistake…a huge one that is…" I continue.

"Yeah Christian people make mistakes, but you like to go all big and fuck it all up…" She says throwing her arms in the air.

"Let me prove to you that I changed Ana, I learned from my mistakes…I promise that if you give me the chance I will prove to you that everything was my fault…you didn't do anything wrong…please don't blame yourself for my mistakes. Tell me how can I make this right again?" I am now standing so close to Ana that with just the slightest move of my hand I am able to touch her. So with all the courage I can muster I lift my hand and bring it to her hair and softly tuck a loose strand behind her ear. Her eyelids flutter and she closes them briefly and ever so slowly she leans into my touch. A shudder runs through her body and I just relish in her touch. Slowly I lift my other hand and push her head slowly to my chest. Surprisingly she doesn't fight it and just leans with her cheek against my chest. Since she doesn't make any attempts to move, I just hold on to her. There are so many things that I would like to say to her right now, but none of them seem right or good enough.

I don't know how long we stay like this, but then Ana takes a step back and stares at me. Her eyes searching my face as if she can find the answers to all of her questions just by looking at me.

"Wednesday, we can talk Wednesday." She murmurs and looks at her fidgeting fingers. Two fucking days? She is going to make me wait two long days…

"I'll come up and pick you up for breakfast and then we can go anywhere you like or you can come to my place…"

"I have to work in the morning." She says. "And you have to work too probably…"

"I can clear my schedule." I answer quickly.

"But I can't." She rebukes.

"Then you name the time and place and I will be there."

"Let me think about it and I will text you the details in the morning…" My heart sinks. She is trying to brush me off…

"I promise Christian…I will send you a text later. Now it would be best if you leave…"

"Ana…I don't know why we can't make the arrangements now…" She holds her hand in the air, and I stop talking.

"You just told me that you want me back and that you need to explain to me why you did what you did…if you really mean that, then give me some breathing space Christian. If you really mean what you say…" Shaking her head in frustration her blue eyes turn to mine. "Actions speak louder than words Christian. It has been five years, a few days longer won't kill you…"

She starts walking away but turns around when she reaches the door to the hallway. "I am going to use the bathroom. I want you gone when I come back." Without a goodbye she turns around and makes her way to the bathroom. The last thing I hear before I leave her apartment is the slamming of the bathroom door.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi all! I won't be able to update next week since I am leaving for a short vacation in a few days. See you in two weeks!**

 **Thank you all for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! It is very much appreciated.**

 **Take care**

 **Alner X**


	8. Chapter 8 - Decisions

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 8 – Decisions…**

 **Christian**

"What are you doing here Leila?" I ask but stay seated. I have no intention to greet her. I don't even want to see her.

"Trev…" She takes a few steps into my office and looks around her. Her eyes lingering on the photograph I purchased from Ana.

"My name is not Trev…" I growl. "What the fuck are you doing here Leila?"

"I was in the neighborhood …and I heard that you lived here. I just wanted to see an old friend. Why are you acting like this?" She says hurt.

Because you are a part of my past. A part that I want to forget as fast as possible. And now that I am meeting Ana tomorrow I can't risk anything. If Ana were to see me with Leila everything could blow up in my face.

"We are not friends Leila…now cut the fucking crap and tell me why you are really here?"

The softness in hear eyes disappears and something hard and dark sparkles inside. She straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin.

"I want out and I need your help…"

"Then you came to the wrong guy Leila…"

"You got out…" She whines tears are now brimming in her eyes.

"I got help…"

"Then get me that help. I mean fuck Trev you are a billionaire…there must be something you can do for me…" She waves her hand around my office in an exaggerated motion and turns her almond eyes back to me. "You know how good we are together…I'll repay you…any way you want…" She takes one step closer her perfume invading my nostrils.

"I told you not to call me Trev…and I don't like to repeat myself Leila. There is only one way to get out and that is by completing your contract."

"I can't do it anymore…" She whispers. "Please help me…"

"After five years you decide that you can't do it anymore? How long before your contract ends?"

"Six months…"

"Then you stick those six months out and with the money you gathered in those five years you surely can move on…live the life you always wanted…or you can get yourself a lawyer…" I make my way to the door to let her out, but my hand freezes on the doorknob the moment the words leave her mouth.

"I…I thought that we shared something…that I would matter…"

"I don't want to hear anything coming from that mouth of yours related to our past. What we shared was …fucked up and wrong on every fucking level! It was a means to an end Leila…you know damn well that there was nothing between us…absolutely fucking nothing. Now get the fuck out!" I roar.

"My flight doesn't leave until this evening. Can I please stay with you…please? I promise I won't bring anything up again."

The phone I am holding in my hand buzzes with an incoming text. It is Taylor.

Sir. I advise for you to let Ms. Williams sign an NDA. _Fuck. He is right._

"You know what Leila. You can have dinner at my place and then Taylor will drive you to the airport."

She smiles and sighs in relief.

I quickly text Taylor back to bring the car up front and to have the NDA ready at Escala. I will feed her and then she is off to where she came from.

The moment we step outside the building, Taylor is already waiting with the car.

"Uhm…thank you so much for helping me out here Trev…I mean Christian. I appreciate it." Her smile is bright and boarders to something disturbing. Because I know Leila…I know that she is a good actress when she needs to be. Then as if we are lovers she raises her hand and slowly caresses my cheek. Immediately my hand wraps around her wrist and pull it down. "Don't you ever fucking touch me Leila…now get in the fucking car before I change my mind and put you on the first plane back to Boston." I growl at her.

I was clearly wrong when I thought that my day couldn't get any worse. When I finally had gotten rid of Leila I got my phone to send Ana a text. I didn't like the abrupt way she ended our text banter this morning, but since I was heading towards a meeting there was nothing I could do about it. And fuck if her little texts don't make me happy. I am all thumbs and fingers when I see a text from Ana. But the smile on my face dies when I read her text.

 _I am cancelling our appointment for tomorrow. I am also telling Kate to choose another maid of honor. Don't bother in calling me. Ana_

What the fuck? I read the message again and again. What the fuck happened? Well that is definitely not going to happen. Anastasia Steele is going to listen to me. Tonight. I am done giving her space. I am done being the patient guy. I did everything she asked me to…now it is time for Anastasia Steele to listen to me.

 **Anastasia**

I clench and unclench my hands around the steering wheel while my eyes are strained on my childhood home. Ray's truck isn't parked out front, meaning he isn't home. The week and a half that has passed since Christian told me about my dad's involvement in the breakup, hasn't done anything to diminish my anger towards him. On the contrary…I think it only gotten worse.

Because it does not matter how I look at it ... my father had no right to interfere. _None. Whatsoever._

I close my eyes and feel my stomach turning when I think back at the day when I was standing at my father's door a week after Christian broke up with me. Was he angry? Sure, but now that I think about it his anger wasn't really aimed at Christian…his anger was aimed at me and dropping out of Harvard. He actually never asked what happened between Christian and me. At the time I didn't think much about it. First because I was too heartbroken and secondly because my dad never has been much of a talker. He fixed me a cup of tea and tried to convince me to go back to Harvard. The only thing he didn't expect was for me to drop out of Harvard. Now…after hearing Christian's side of the story it all makes sense. My dad wasn't sorry at all about the break up…he probably welcomed it.

A soft bleep of my phone alerts me of an incoming text. My scowl is replaced by a tentative smile as I reach for my phone laying on the passenger seat. _Please don't let it be Kate texting me about the freaking bridesmaid dresses._ I chant to myself as I unlock my phone. I almost squeal as I see that it is a text from Christian.

 _C. What is your favorite song today? Christian X. I smile at his question because since we started texting he asks me every day what my favorite song is. I think for a brief moment, my fingers already hovering over my phone._

 _A. Today it is Catch & Release from Matt Simons. What about yours Christian? Ana_

 _C. Sex on fire by Kings of Leon. ;-)_

Smiling at Christian's favorite song of the day I look in the rearview mirror when I hear a car approaching. Shit! It is my dad.

 _A Have to go. Talk to you later. Ana_

Deep breaths Ana, deep freaking breaths. Stepping out of the car I delay looking at my dad for as long as possible. It hurts like shit to know that he knew all this time what caused my heartbreak and drove me out of the country.

"Annie?"

"Hey dad…" As I walk to my dad I notice that he looks tired. He is wearing a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans that definitely have seen better days. He eyes me warily as I approach him, his smile falters when he sees the serious look on my face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would have left work earlier." He says taking me in one of his bear hugs. He kisses my fore head and I notice that he lingers there longer then he normally would.

I blink away the tears when I think of the reason why I drove to Montesano.

"It was more of a last minute decision dad…" I say taking a step back and waiting for him to get his stuff from his truck.

"Why do I get the impression that you didn't come all the way to Montesano to just visit your old man?" My dad and I are sitting in the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea in front us is. I wrap my hands around the warm mug and think of a way to answer his question. Funny actually…the entire ride over here I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but now my mind seems completely blank. I have no idea how to begin and what's worse, I can't even bring myself to look at my father.

"Annie?"

Finally I look up and watch the concern etched on my dad's face. "You seem thousand miles away…" He says.

"Yeah…dad…look I don't know how to say this." My eyes wander out towards the garden. A feeling of nostalgia washes over me when I see the tire swing rocking back and forward on the big oak tree. Life was so uncomplicated back then.

"I talked to Christian…" I blurt out and quickly turn my face to watch my father's expression.

And just like I imagined his facial expression goes from worried to angry. "You talked to the boy?"

"He is hardly a boy dad…" I sigh.

He nods his head confirming my remark. "He is doing quite well. He is a hot-shot. Seattle's most eligible bachelor…" So he has been keeping track of Christian.

"I spoke to his father recently and he told me that Christian also does a lot for charity…"

"I'm not here to discuss Christian's status or his business…I came here wanting to know what you discussed with him five years ago…" My hands are shaking and I am sure that my dad can hear my heart beating against my ribcage.

"Annie, what is this all about? How do you expect me to remember what I discussed with the boy five years ago? I can hardly remember what I had for lunch this afternoon…" He says jokingly. However there is no humor in his voice whatsoever.

"Then I suggest that you try very, very hard dad…" inhaling deeply I keep my eyes on my dad. "What did you tell Christian the night that he called you?"

"Annie, I did what every father would have done…" He says avoiding my question. And that really pisses me off.

"Dad please!" I slam my hand against the wooden table. My dad's eyes drop to my hand and I have never seen him look so shocked before.

"Where is this coming from Annie? What lies has he been feeding you?"

"Its true isn't it? You told him to let me go…you told him that he had absolutely nothing to offer me and that he should let me go…you knew how insecure he was and you played right into it…"

My dad's silence confirms what I knew all along. Christian was right. They lied to me. Everything was a big horrible lie.

"Yes or no dad!" I yell.

"Yes, Annie…I told him to let you go." My father says calmly.

"You had no right….he was…"

"He was and still is a rich boy who gets exactly what he wants. You were both from different worlds Annie, your entire relationship had no chance of succeeding…" He says cutting me off.

"Says who? The man who divorced my mother?" I hiss.

"Says your father…" He slams his fist on the table and looks at me with so much anger.

"You are wrong…" I whisper and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"He wanted to drop out of Harvard Annie…he wanted to start his business from scratch…he didn't have a dime on his name. All of the money came from his parents. He wasn't able to support you, pay for your tuition or even put a roof over your head!" He screams. "He wanted to whisk you away with his sweet talk…"

"Stop it!"

"You had no right whatsoever to tell him to let me go. You had no right to throw all of those things into his face. You are right about not being able to support me, but you know what I was there too…I was able to work and study…"

"Your tuition Annie…"

"You never paid my damned tuition daddy! Mom did! So don't bring it up anymore!" For a moment my dad seems defeated and even hurt.

"Do you really think that I was planning in marrying Christian that same week? Do you really think that I would have followed him blindly? I thought that you knew me better than that dad…"

"I did what I thought was right…"

"Well you didn't…does mom know?"

"No." Is his simple answer.

"Why did you do it dad?"

My dad shakes his head a few times and shoves the wooden chair backwards. It makes a scratching sound against the wooden floor.

"Dad why?" I am not leaving this god dam place until I know his reason.

"That kid was emotionally unstable…don't you think I saw his scars? Don't you think I noticed his mood swings? His parents were constantly pampering him…he only needed to blink his eyes and he would get it…he lived in his own apartment for goodness sake. He was rich and you were not, that was doomed… You were both too young Annie…your mother made those mistakes too in the past. Do you want to end like your mother is that it? Like I said before I did what every father would have done…I protected you from the biggest mistake in your life!"

I am dumbstruck while I watch my dad pacing the small kitchen.

"I can't believe what you just said…" I whisper sadly. But suddenly the anger unfurls in my body and I slam both of my hands on the table getting my dad's attention.

"Weren't you the one who taught me never to judge someone from the outside? That it didn't matter what color his skin was, or religion or background? Christian's scars dad…" I place my hand in front of my mouth to hold back the sob. "He was burned with a fucking cigarette when he was just a little boy, he had to endure viscous beatings from his mother's pimp and that is why his parents bought him his own apartment because he has this horrible nightmares where he relives those beatings and burnings again and again…but hey in your eyes he is just a spoiled rich kid right?"

I shake my head and I simply don't know what to do anymore.

"His mood swings as you call them are not mood swings…he was just so insecure…he was trying to figure everything out…and you know what dad? After everything he did I think he is one of the bravest persons I know…because he survived…he excels in everything he does…even his business in which almost no one had confidence in that he would make it…well he proved you wrong didn't he?"

"You can hate me all you want Annie, but I did it for you, for your own wellbeing. Like I said, your mother…"

"Will you leave mom out of this? She had been supportive of everything that I have done…and even though she wasn't there for me physically I knew that I could count on her no matter what!"

"So you forgave her for taking you to Vegas with her with that Morton guy?" He says disbelievingly.

I rub my forehead with my hands and try to figure out how we got from discussing Christian to my mother and that asshole Morton.

"There was nothing to forgive dad. The moment she found out that Stephen Morton was America's biggest asshole she called you and put me on the first flight home. Not one week later she had filed for a divorce."

A heavy silence falls over the small kitchen. My father is standing with his back turned towards me looking at the sad looking garden.

"We need to discuss Russia…" He says out of the blue.

"Dad, I didn't came here to discuss that assignment…" Besides I already made a decision.

"Annie, there is nothing more to discuss about the boy. I did what I had to do and I would do it again if the same situation would present itself."

"Then we are finished talking dad." I can't believe that this is going to end like this. I always believed that my dad would be man enough to admit his mistakes. Clearly I am mistaken.

"Annie, where are you going?"

"I'm leaving dad…I need to process everything that I learned over the past two weeks and today. I can't believe that you don't even feel an ounce of remorse about what you did."

"Don't go running back to him Annie…"

"Goodbye dad…" I don't think I have ever left without kissing my dad goodbye, but somehow I can't get myself to do it.

It all happens in a daze. Walking to my car, unlocking the car, stepping in, driving away. I don't even know how I finally arrive in Seattle, because I have been preoccupied with the discussion I just had with my dad. When I look up I have parked my Beetle across GEH.

Maybe I just need to get Christian out of my system. Maybe that's it. I should just fuck him one more time and leave all those lies and crap behind me.

Who am I kidding? I know that the moment I let Christian get close to me I am going to give in. There still remain a few questions. Why did he choose his company above me? Why didn't he stay with me? And why didn't he try to find me?

* * *

This is truly the worst idea you have had in years Steele. I think to myself while glancing up to the building where Christian's business is located. Talking to Christian now would only rip those wounds more apart. I don't think I am able to face him right now. I glance at my watch and see that it is five o'clock…I consider calling Kate, but she is probably still at work or making decisions about her wedding. I quickly reject the idea of calling her. First I don't want to interrupt her while working and secondly if she is really doing wedding stuff I am not the person she needs right now or do I want to be bothered by it to be honest. I wish this whole wedding would be over so that we can continue our lives without all the crap that comes along with a wedding.

While I am skimming through my contacts I see a black Audi SUV coming to a stop in front of GEH and Christian's bodyguard steps out. At the same time the door from GEH opens and Christian steps out with a woman. Oh my god. She is beautiful. She is tall with dark long brown hair and from what I can see from the distance she is wearing designer clothes. Not that I know much about clothes, but this screams expensive. Christian has his hand on her lower back as he guides her towards the Audi

While they wait for Taylor to open the door they chat…the woman is smiling brightly and looking at Christian as if he is the only man in this world. Then it all happens in slow motion. She slowly caresses his cheek with her perfectly manicured hands. I close my eyes not being able to handle any form of affection from his side. When I open my eyes again they are both getting in the car and not even thirty seconds later the car drives off. Who is she? Did he lie after all? Is she his girlfriend or maybe just a friends with benefit kind of girl? _Stupid! Stupid!_ _Ana Steele you are stupid!_

What the hell was I thinking? Here I was willing to hear him out. Giving him a chance to explain himself, but it seems that he has been lying to me all along. Why would he have changed in five years anyway? What the hell makes me think that he would choose me now? He never choose me before…and now he is probably taking that beautiful woman home to spend the night with her. I look down at the clothes I am wearing. Worn jeans, a simple polka dot sweater and a blazer…not something exciting or sophisticated like that woman Christian was with. Anger surges through my veins as it all sinks in. He was playing me. He just wants my forgiveness to clear his fucking conscience. _Well fuck you Christian Grey…I am done playing._

Not caring anymore about what Kate is doing is speed dial her number.

"Ana?" She is whispering and I hear muffled voices on the other side of the line. Normally I would apologize and quickly hang up. But not now.

"Ana, I am in a meeting …can I call you later?" She whispers.

"Kate, you told me you or his family haven't seen him with another woman right?"

"Ana…what is wrong and who are you talking about?" A door closes on the other side.

"I am talking about Christian! You told me that you hadn't seem him with anyone else…he even said to me that there wasn't anyone else. Then tell me Kate…how do you explain a cozy encounter with a beautiful brunette outside of his company?"

"Geez…I don't know Ana…there must be some kind of explanation. Look sweetie…I really need to get back to the meeting. Want to have a girl's night?"

"No Kate…I actually don't. I'm sorry I bothered you." I still hear Kate talking but I simply hang up the phone. _Screw them. Screw them all._

While I am driving back to my apartment I make a decision. I am going to cancel my appointment with Christian tomorrow. I now know both parts of the story and that's it. It is time to put the past behind me.

Before getting out of the car I grab my phone and pull up Christian's number. My fingers are shaking while typing the message.

 _I am cancelling our appointment for tomorrow. I am also telling Kate to choose another maid of honor. Don't bother in calling me. Ana_

Then I send a message to Kate.

 _I need space and time. Please give that to me. Love you A._

I quickly disconnect my phone before Kate or Christian call me and throw it in my bag.

* * *

"Ana!"

"Hey Justin!" The moment I am stepping out of my car, Justin crosses the street. He is carrying two shopping bags in his hands and his smile is contagious. As if it is the most normal thing in the world he leans down and kisses my cheek. _He smells nice..._

"It has been a while since I saw you…" He says.

"Yeah…I think it was last Wednesday at Mathilda's" I reply meekly.

"Are you all right?" He says stopping now in the middle of the sidewalk. "You look…sad…"

I look up at him. His blue eyes are simply amazing combined with those long eyelashes. He probably didn't shave today giving him that rough, bad-boy look. Justin is a really hot guy. But it doesn't matter how long I stare into those gorgeous blue eyes, because nothing happens. There is no tingle, there is no flip-flop in my stomach. There is nothing.

"Ana?"

"It has been a rough day…" I say clearing my throat.

"Well I think I might have the perfect solution to pull your mind off things…" He motions to the bags in his hands. "I am trying a new recipe today…would you like to stay over for dinner?"

"I don't know Justin…" I think of my bed and my fridge stocked with wine. Besides I don't think I am going to be very good company today. Yes, my bed and a bottle of wine and then a good cathartic cry would do me good.

"Come one Ana…you look like you need the company and I really need someone to taste my Asparagus gruyere tart and then as dessert frozen banana penguins…" He winks at me and opens the door for me. "After you Ms. Steele…" He says in a horrible English accent.

"Thank you Justin…" I say smiling.

"So, what do you say? My frozen banana penguins are to die for!"

"Okay…why not... Can I meet you in five minutes? I would really like to change…"

"Sure see you in five beautiful." With another kiss on my cheek he disappears into the stairwell, taking the stairs two steps at the time.

Annoyed I press the elevator button. Why don't I get the tingles from Justin? I mean he is perfect. He wears his dark blond hair in messy disarray…it screams I don't fucking care, but he looks perfect. The guys has the most captivating eyes I have ever seen and dimples. He has freaking dimples.

Then personality wise. He is kind, caring and funny…another big plus is that the guy can cook. Men really underestimate the way they look while they are cooking. Besides he doesn't do romance or relationships and that is …perfect. Justin is perfect. It is official: Project "forget Christian" has officially begun.

Five minutes turned out to thirty since I somehow couldn't decide on what to wear. Not that my wardrobe has many possibilities anyway. I mostly wear jeans. That is the easiest and most comfortable for when I am working. The only thing I indulge myself in is lingerie. I just love the sexy feel of the silk and lace against my skin. Thereby I also feel slightly more confident. Not that anyone has seen my underwear lately, but it makes me feel good nonetheless. Eventually I decide to wear one of my few dresses. A long dark gray knit dress.

* * *

"So tell me more about Ana Steele" Justin turns around after closing the oven and setting the timer.

"There is not much to tell then what I already told you the last time…" I watch him deftly uncorking the wine bottle and pouring two glasses of red wine. He then slides one off the glasses over the kitchen counter in my direction and holds his glass in the air. I mimic his movement and bring the glass to my mouth.

"Want to tell me why the rough day then?" My dad flashes through my mind, his angry words. Then Christian and that woman standing there holding each other. Rejection, humiliation, stupidity crash down on me.

"And that Christian Grey guy? You know him?"

"You can say that…" I say clearing my throat. "I was engaged to him five years ago…he broke off the engagement and now he says that he wants me back…"

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really…" I look up at him for the first time since we started talking about Christian. "I thought he had changed, I found out today that he hasn't…"

"Are you sure?" Justin says. And it pisses me off. He is casually leaning against the counter, wine glass in his hands.

"I know what I saw Justin…" I snap back.

"And what did you see Ana?"

"I saw him walking with a beautiful brunette, his hand on her lower back…then she looked at him like he was the only man in the world…" _She looked at him the same way I used to do._

"And what did he do?" He probes.

"What does it matter Justin…look I really don't want to talk about Christian anymore." I say defeated.

"It matters a lot." He says matter of fact. "Sometimes you see what you want to see…"

I don't respond to his statement, because I simply don't know how. Maybe he is right…maybe not. However, what I do know is that I don't want my heart shattered for a second time. I took me too long to crawl out of that dark pit.

"I am just saying Ana…if you still love him…confront him with what you saw today…let him explain and if you think that he betrayed you in some way or another, then you will know what to do…"

I just nod my head and skim my finger along the kitchen counter. "And what about you? What is that with another girl every night?"

He is quiet for a long time. His body tenses and he looks uncomfortable. "Look I am not judging you, it's just that you seem like a nice guy…"

He grins wickedly. Suddenly he is back in being the laid back Justin. "Trust me Ana…I am not a nice guy. I don't do romance. I don't do second dates ever…hell I barely even date…" He admits.

"Why?"

"Because a something happened in the past...anyway I decided not to fall in love again…"

"Yet, you tell me that not everything is what is seems and that I should talk to Christian…"

"You are different. You are a hearts and flower kind of woman. You don't want the one night stands…besides you deserve someone who cherishes you..."

"And what if I don't want that anymore?" I say boldly. Justin brow furrows when I walk into his direction and stand in between his legs.

"Kiss me Justin…"

"Ana…I don't think that it is a good idea…" I pretend like I didn't hear what he just said and grab his shirt pulling him towards me. "Kiss me Justin…" _Just fucking kiss me and make me forget about Christian…_

Suddenly his hands are on my face and he is leaning forward slowly. Our noses are touching and I feel his breath on my lips.

"Are you sure Ana?" Justin says hoarsely. "Because I don't think a kiss will be enough…I think I am going to need more…" I nod my head unable to speak. My heart is beating furiously against my chest.

"I need to hear you say it…say it gorgeous…"

"I am sure…"

Justin closes his eyes and his lips slightly brush against mine. His tongue slowly skims against my bottom lip. He tastes like wine. He lingers there for a while, nibbling and teasing. His eyes connect with mine one more time before he crashes his lips against mine, taking my breath away.

His tongue skims my bottom lip, seeking entry. I accept him in my mouth and our tongues duel together. I wrap my arms over his shoulders and pull him closer while he presses his erection into my lower stomach. A low moan escapes his mouth and both of his hands drift down my back, his hands pressing against my backside. "Fuck you taste so sweet Ana…" His shoulders are rising and falling with deep breaths. His forehead rests against mine and his eyes are clenched shut. I close my eyes too and force myself to feel something. _But there is nothing._

"We shouldn't be doing this…" He says and pushes me away.

"Why…?" I stammer.

"Because you deserve more Ana…believe me I want nothing more than to fuck you and have my wicked way with you…but I don't want to hurt you…"

"What is it with you men that you think what's best for me huh?" I yell. I feel rejected and cheap. Humiliated for the second time this day.

"Ana…it is not you…"

"Oh shut the fuck up Justin…" I grab the glass of wine from the counter and slam it against his wall. The red liquid slowly sliding down to his hardwood floor.

"Ana…listen to me…" Justin's hand tightens around my elbow and he forces me to look at him. "That was one of the best kisses I've ever had…but really you need more than a one night stand…let us be friends okay?"

He looks sincere, but somehow I can't help but feel rejected. Why would he otherwise push me away? I feel the tears of humiliation brimming on my eyes. _Yeah sure…it is not you it is me…let us be friends okay?_

"It is okay…Justin…I should be going now…thanks for the wine…"

"See you tomorrow at Mathilda's?" He says now following me towards the door.

"Yeah…sure see you tomorrow…" I murmur and without looking at him I open the door leading to the hallway immediately collapsing against a wall of muscles. I don't even have to look up to see who it is…it is no one other than Christian Grey…

"What are you doing here!" I yell. Christian is looking down at me. His gray eyes blazing with anger.

"You and me. Talk. Now!" He yells.

"I send you a text…read your fucking texts Grey!" I try to pass him, but he just steps aside blocking my way.

"I read your stupid text and it is unacceptable! So whether you want it or not you and me are going up to your apartment and you are going to listen to me!"

"Hey dude I don't know what your problem is but I think the lady told you that she didn't want to talk to you…" Completely forgotten about Justin I turn around and face him.

"Shut up!" Both Christian and I yell simultaneously. I would laugh if I didn't feel so angry and humiliated right now. I should have done what I originally wanted to do. Crawl into bed and cry.

"Christian I don't want to talk to you…go. away…" My tone is menacing and I think I look scary.

"Ana…don't make me carry you…"

With one hand on my hip I look at him and squint my eyes. "You wouldn't…" I whisper. _He wouldn't…would he?_

"Oh baby…I think you should know me better than that…"

"No Christian just go away…and don't call me baby…" He gives me a simple shrug and lifts his eyebrow as if telling me _: don't say I didn't warn you…_

Then his hands are on my hips and before I have even time to protest, I am dangling on his shoulder with the perfect view of his ass.

"Put me down…put me down right now!" I stomp his back with my fists and try to wiggle free by shaking my legs. Christian reacts by slapping my butt. _What did he just do?_

"You are the most stubborn and aggravating woman on this fucking planet Anastasia Steele!" Christian growls while climbing up the stairs.

"And you are a liar and a cheater and an asshole!" I yell so that there is no mistake.

"Ah you found her I see…" I turn my head and see Mathilda standing at her doorway.

"Mathilda…what did you do?" I whine…

"Just giving you a push in the right direction dear…now holler if you need something…"She singsongs.

I hear some shuffling and then her door closing. _Great. Just fucking great._

"You really should lock you door Anastasia…" Christian says and carries me inside where he drops me very unceremoniously on my couch.

"You and I are going nowhere until we have discussed everything…" Christian says hovering over me.

He saunters to the kitchen and turns around on his heel. "Have you eaten?"

"No…"

"Good, because I brought us some food. Now sit your ass over here and eat!" He points to the barstool and his eyes are blazing with anger.

"I'm not hungry…" I say and cross my arms over my chest to emphasize it.

"For the love of God Anastasia…I have had one pretty shitty day…I have been counting the hours until I could see you again…" He shakes his head and closes his eyes.

"Ana please…because I swear…" He swallows and focusses his eyes on me. "If you don't think I'm worth one hour of your time, then fine…but I will walk out of this door and won't come back…"

 _What? He can't mean that can he?_


	9. Chapter 9 - Confessions

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 8 - Confessions**

 **Christian**

"Ana please…because I swear…" I swallow and force myself to look at Ana. "If you don't think I'm worth one hour of your time, then fine…but I will walk out of this door and won't come back…" The words stumble out of my mouth without even thinking much about the consequences. However, I mean it. I love her, I never stopped loving her, but it is time to step up my plan otherwise we will be running in fucking circles until we both grow tired.

My heart is pounding erratically against my chest when I see different emotions shifting through Ana's eyes as my words sink in. I watch how her shoulders slump forward and she buries her face in her hands. At this moment I just want to crawl in her head to know what she is thinking.

"Ana? Do you want me to leave?" I feel my nails sinking into my skin as I wait for her answer. Then she slowly tilts her head and shakes it. But then the saddened expression on her face changes and it is replaced by anger.

"You have some freaking nerve Christian!" She bristles. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

At first I am taken aback by her hostility and pure anger. She is seething. I don't think I have ever seen her this angry before.

"We are talking right now Ana!" I say and I sound a lot more confident than I feel to be honest because I know that if I push her too hard, that she won't hesitate in kicking me out.

"You have no right to tell me what to do!" She says pointing her finger at me. "You can't come barging in here like a deluded caveman and throw me over your shoulder and drag me to your freaking cave…"

"What the fuck happened that made you cancel our date…" I ask and casually lean against the kitchen counter.

"You really have no idea do you?" She says.

"No I really don't Ana…please enlighten me please…" I say mockingly.

Her eyes flare with anger as she stands up from the couch and slowly walks into my direction. "Who was that woman Christian?" _What woman?_ When I just stare at her…she continues.

"Hmm…you don't remember? How fucking convenient…" She sneers. "Well let me refresh your memory then…she was tall…a brunette…beautiful and oh…and you looked incredibly comfortable with her when she was looking at you with only adoration in her eyes…" _Oh fuck…she saw Leila._

"When did you see her?"

"That doesn't matter Christian…" She says rolling her eyes. "The fact is that I had the most horrible day when I decided I should go and talk to you…I saw you Christian…she touched you…"

"She didn't touch me Ana…"

"She did! Don't fucking lie to me Christian!" She says cutting me off.

"What did you see Ana?"

"I saw her lifting her hand and bringing it to your face…" She replies stubbornly.

"She didn't…"

"I know what I saw Christian!" She says cutting me off again.

"She never touched me Ana…" I yell. "You probably didn't look long enough and jumped to stupid assumptions…"

She stares at me blankly her anger fading just a little and I decide that we need to talk about this in a calm and civilized way.

"Ana…she didn't touch me…because I simply didn't let her touch me. That woman is a part of my past…I didn't know she was coming…she is not important." I say calmly.

"If she is not important then why did you have your hand on her back…why did she step in that car with you? Don't lie to me Christian…it was crystal clear…you were taking her home to have sex with her and then you saw my text and thought well I definitely need to clear my fucking conscience before I continue fucking the brunette…so I am going over to Ana's and then I am going to force her to talk to me…" _What the fuck?_

"I am not fucking her Ana…" I say through gritted teeth. "I told you the other day that I haven't been with another woman in a very long time…" I am practically yelling at her while holding her shoulders.

"Well excuse me if I don't believe you immediately Mr. Grey…" She says shrugging her shoulders away from my hold. "But I just found out today that I have been living a freaking lie for the past five years…" She yells.

"Will you just stop it? We are running around in circles…" Taking a few steps back from her I close my eyes.

"Ana I want nothing more than to talk to you…explain everything to you, but you just keep running away, making excuse after fucking excuse…what do you want Ana. The ball is in your court now. Do you want me to go?"

"Don't leave…" She whispers after the longest seconds of my life. She takes a few steps back and let's herself fall on the couch. When she closes her eyes a tear slides down her cheek.

It takes me two steps to reach the couch where she is sitting and my heart almost breaks when I see the hurt written on her pale face. Kneeling down in front of her I hesitantly reach for her hands on her lap. "Please don't cry okay…I'm sorry that I barged in there and hauled your tiny ass back to your apartment, but it is just…I didn't see any other way, because when I saw your text…fuck Ana…give me a chance to explain and I will prove to you that you won't regret it…"

"You hurt me so bad Christian…" She takes a shuddering breath and looks at our entwined hands. "I don't think I would survive if you would hurt me again…if you would lie to me again…please no more lies…"

"I know I hurt you…and I regret it every single day…I wish there was something I could do to go back five years and erase all the hurt I caused you…but I can't…" She shakes her head sadly and pulls her hands away from mine and wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hands.

"You look tired…" I say studying her face.

She simply shrugs. "It has been a long, horrendous day…I went to Montesano today and spoke to my dad…" The moment she mentions her father her eyes fill with tears again.

"Hey…don't cry okay. Everything is going to be all right."

"Is it Christian? Is everything going to be all right?" She whispers sadly.

"It is…I know that I am asking a lot from you right now…I realize it I really do…" With the pad of my thumb I wipe away a tear that was threatening to fall from her eye. And like the other day her eyes soften and she leans her head against my hand. I surrender to the magnificent feeling of her face against my hands. And I hope I finally get the opportunity to rebuild that bridge I destroyed. And I know I will have to fight for her. I don't care if the road to her forgiveness and trust hurts me and I don't even care if I have to walk away brokenhearted. Somehow, deep down I know that we are meant for each other.

"So you brought food…" Ana says breaking the perfect moment.

"Yeah…you know…" I shrug and feel my cheeks heating up.

"Still obsessed with food Christian?"

"Yes, I am…some things never change I guess…" I admit ruefully.

For a moment we just stare at each other uneasily. "I placed the bags on your kitchen counter…" I say standing back up and giving her some space.

"What did you get? Or did you cook yourself?" She says with a little smile on her face and turns to unpack the bags.

"You brought Mexican food?" Ana looks at me baffled but then a soft giggle escapes her lips. "I can't believe you did this?" She says and shakes her head. Seeing the smile on her face it is safe to say she finds it amusing. _Well thank fuck for that!_

I shrug and watch her pulling out the little containers from the bags and placing them on the kitchen counter.

"What were you thinking anyway? To have a good laugh at my expense?" She turns around to open a cabinet and places two plates and cutlery on the counter.

"It was fun…" I say remembering our first date where I brought her to a Mexican restaurant. Totally un-romantic, but since it was her favorite food at the time, I thought it was a good idea. It turned out not to be such a good idea.

"I don't remember you having a lot of fun in the car…" Her smile is bright and her eyes are shining.

"Shit you looked so ..." I am searching for the right word when Ana starts laughing hard.

"Yeah, I suppose _shit_ would be the right word…" She says wiping the tears from her cheeks. "God, and you just kept asking me "Ana, what is wrong…are you in pain…" you were holding my hand and you looked really worried…but I couldn't tell you…that was by far the most mortifying moment of my life."

"You just could have told me that you needed to fart…" I shrug. Ana's eyes widen in horror and her cheeks turn crimson. "Damn the smell was really bad…" I laugh. "I could even taste it!" We are now both laughing.

"Yeah, and those damn windows were stuck…and I could see the tears accumulating in your eyes. And when we finally arrived at my dorm I remember jumping out of the car and thanking you for dinner and in a real Christian Grey fashion you followed me into my dorm and where listening outside the door."

"My mother always told me to accompany your girl back to the door and I needed to be sure that you were all right, besides you had left your purse in my car and because damn that smell Ana, it was like I had a rotten corps in the back of my trunk… I needed to get out of my car!"

"I was convinced that I would never see you again. But you surprised me when you called me that same night…"

"Nah that was just an innocent, little fart. It takes more for me to walk away…" As soon as the words leave my mouth Ana's smile fades and her hand freezes midair. "I'm sorry that was a totally stupid thing to say…" I apologize.

Ignoring my apology she waves with her hand to the barstool motioning for me to sit down. Gingerly she walks around the counter and looks at the barstool as if it is her biggest enemy. "Oh let me take your coat…" She says hoarsely.

With my coat in her hands she walks toward the hallway, and it takes a while before she comes back. I almost want to check up on her when she comes walking back in. I bite back a grin when I see her clumsily climbing on the barstool. _That thing is too high for her._

"I guess some things never change…" She says shrugging and blushing embarrassed.

"I think it's cute…"

She eyes me briefly and nods her head. "You look lovely by the way." I let my eyes wander over her body. The dress she is wearing is really complementing her body and now I know for sure. Her tits got bigger. _Definitely. Bigger. Boobs._ My eyes stop at the long black, high heeled boots. Fuck how I would love to see them draped over my shoulders…of course Ana would only be wearing the boots.

"Thank you…you look very handsome too. You definitely know how to wear a suit." She says sincerely.

I simply smile at her. She has no idea what that compliment means to me. I wouldn't give two shits if anyone else would tell me that I look handsome, but hearing it from Ana means the fucking world.

"Tell me about the photographs…" I point to the photo's hanging on the wall and on the floor. I am not only curious about those photographs but I also need to distract myself from Ana's soft moans of appreciation every time she takes a bite of her food and licks her lips with her tongue.

She takes her time chewing and swallowing the food. Then she takes a swig of her Corona, her eyes roaming over the photo's hanging on the wall. She licks her lips and her eyes dart to mine. _Sweet Jesus those lips…_

"The photo with the pink houses is a street of Montmartre in Paris. The colors of that photograph actually formed the basis for the design and color outline of this apartment. The Montmartre is beautiful, since it is a designated historic are, it has retained much of its character. Walking around the district was an absolute treat…" Her eyes meet mine briefly before she continues.

"You have a lovely apartment…I like it…" I say holding her eyes. Ana smiles briefly and mumbles a thank you.

"That one over there, with the pigeons is from the ruins of a fortified Arab Muslim medieval palace. It is called Medina Azahara, literal meaning 'the shining city'

The Arabic calligraphy spoke to me and the pigeons. This was a part of the remains of an entryway that led to the gardens. Legends say that the caliph named the palace after his favorite concubine. They say that he build the city to please her. The truth, however, has probably more to do with politics than love…"

"And where is this picture taken?"

"Spain…" She says simply.

"And what about that one?" I point to a photo that is standing on the floor, leaning against the wall.

"Oh…yeah that is a picture of a lock at the Ponts des Arts in Paris. Also known as the bridge of love."

I vaguely remember hearing Mia talking about that bridge. "Have you never heard of it?" She asks smiling. "Mia told me about it a few times, but I never paid much attention to be honest…"

"This bridge is in Paris obviously…" She explains. "You hang locks on it with the name of initials of you and your boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend and then you throw the key into the river. So even though the friend or relationship may end, you can't remove the lock. It stays there forever, as relevance to someone who once was a part of your life." She smiles wishfully. "It is very romantic…a lot of guys propose to their girlfriends on that bridge…" My sweet Ana… hearts and flowers all the way…of course she finds it romantic. Completely the opposite of my marriage proposal to her five years ago.

"Do you travel alone Anastasia or do you take someone with you?"

"Mostly alone, but sometimes I need an assistant and he or she travels with me…" She smiles. "My mother joined me once but well you know my mother, she has the tendency to talk a lot…" She shrugs and takes another sip of her beer. "It is just that when I am working I need silence and I just want to be alone with my thoughts."

"How is your mother doing?"

"Mom is doing fine. She is still married to Bob, she is happy. We talk to each other a few times a week. She was actually the one who convinced me to follow my dreams. She came to visit me in London once and she stayed for a week. When she saw the photographs I made she encouraged me to take that job in New York. If it had not been for my mother, I don't know where I would have ended…"

"Does she still live in Georgia?" I ask.

"Yes. I wish she wouldn't live so far away though. I miss her a lot…" She gives me a weak smile and fumbles with the napkin in her hands. I know I should be asking her about Ray, but somehow I can't make myself to do it…subconsciously knowing where that question will lead to.

"Tell me about London. Was it what you expected it to be?"

She gets a faraway look in her eyes, glancing in the distance. "It was perfect. However I didn't live in London. It was a little town just outside London, but I visited it every chance I got though."

Jumping from the stool she starts cleaning the remains of our dinner. Without giving it a second though, I join her in the kitchen and help her with loading the dishwasher. It's just like when she was still my girl. Except, know I am not allowed to kiss or fondle her, what I actually use to do _a lot._ Every time she turns around I am hit with a whiff of her scent.

"Thank you for helping me…" She says shyly. "Would you like coffee?" She points to an expensive looking coffeemaker in the corner of her kitchen counter.

Fifteen minutes later we are both holding a cup of coffee. I am sitting on the couch, Ana on the loveseat across me.

"So you have questions." I say knowing that I can't avoid her questions any longer. Besides if I want a chance with Ana she needs to know everything. She simply needs to know the truth…

Her fingers tighten around the pink coffee cup and carefully she takes a sip of the hot liquid. "I spoke to Ray today…and first of all I want to tell you that I believed you…back on "The Grace" I somehow knew that you were telling me the truth." Her eyes wander to the window where the rain is softly tapping against the window.

"He confirmed it. At first he wanted to ignore my questions…but then he finally admitted that he talked to you. He also told me his reasons…" Her eyes are teary when she looks at me. "I never knew about the conversation you had with Ray and I wish I had, because we could have avoided so much pain."

I want nothing more than to sit beside Ana and hold her. I want to desperately apologize again and again…I want to kiss away the tears that are falling from her cheeks and I want to promise her that everything is going to be all right. But I can't. She doesn't want to be touched by me and my promise would mean shit to her at this point.

"He told me that he did what every father would have done for his daughter and that he would do it again…he never apologized…" With a thud she places the half empty cup of coffee on the table and tilts her feet on the couch. She wraps her hands around her knees and buries her face in her knees.

"When…when I broke up with you I left for Seattle that same day…I was desperately trying to convince my father that I was prepared in starting my own business… and even though I was the one who had thrown you out of my apartment an idiot voice inside of my head kept saying that if I just could convince my dad to borrow me the money to start GEH, that I could apologize to you and make things right again." Ana is leaning with her head against her knees, her face turned towards the window. _She can't even look at me._

"Unfortunately it didn't came to that. My father was livid and he threw me out, telling me to go back to Boston and to finish Harvard and that if I didn't I would lose access to my monthly allowance and my trust fund. In the plane back to Boston I decided that it wasn't worth it…and that I would try everything to win you back…I couldn't sleep or eat…I missed you terribly. The guilt was eating away at me…it took a few days before I had gathered my strength and courage and I went to your dorm. Kate wasn't there either. A neighbor told me that she had seen you leave a few days earlier with a suitcase…that is when I knew that I needed to go after you. So I booked the first flight to Seattle, rented a car and drove to Montesano… I waited four hours for your father to come back…at first he simply ignored me. When I told him that I wanted to talk to you he told me to get the fuck off his property and to never show my face again. He told me that you hated me and that I had ruined your life and your chance of finishing Harvard. He yelled at me that his daughter deserved better than a fucked up kid…"

Ana's head snaps up her eyes red rimmed and wide. "At that moment I just gave up. He didn't want to tell me where you were." I clear my throat to get rid of that lump. "I know that you don't want to hear my apologies, but I have regretted it until this day that I broke things up with you. I know that it is a lame excuse, but at that time I knew your dad was right. I was fighting so many demons Anastasia…it would have been unfair to drag you with me…"

She shakes her head and stares at me. "Both you and my father made decisions that involved me…" She points at her chest. "You should have talked to me Christian…I knew that you always had trouble with expressing yourself and sharing your thoughts and insecurities with me…but making a decision like that on your own is one of the most stupidest things you have ever done…and just to be clear I never told my dad I hated you. Even more, we never discussed the break up. He didn't ask and I didn't want to talk about it…"

Ana stares at me for the longest time and then her eyes turn cold. "If your dad didn't give you the money Christian, then how in hell did you get the seed money to start GEH?"

I stand up suddenly getting nervous and start pacing the little space behind Ana's couch.

"Christian, what is wrong? Christian stop pulling your hair!" Ana yells, pulling me out of my panic attack. "Jesus Christian, you are scaring me…" Ana whispers. "Please tell me you didn't do anything illegal…"

"No…no I didn't do anything illegal…" Rubbing both hands over my face I stumble back to the couch and sit down. "I know that I don't have any right whatsoever to ask you a favor. But I am going to share something with you that has the potency to kill my reputation and my business…I don't care about my reputation, however I do care about the repercussions it can have for my employees and my family if this were to come out." I clear my throat and look at Ana's fearful eyes. "Please promise me not to share this information with anyone else. No one knows except for my grandfather…"

"I promise…I wouldn't do anything to hurt you Christian…" What she does next surprises me. Wringing her delicate hands she stands up from the love seat and sits gingerly beside me. Her hands hesitantly reach for mine and with a little squeeze she encourages me to start talking.

"Since I didn't have any money I started working at a night-club as a bartender. It was an exclusive club. The pay was shit and I knew that it would take me years to gather enough money to start investing…anyway three weeks later I got an offer to … to…" The words get stuck in the back of my throat. _Fuck, she is going to hate me._

"They offered me a job to work as an escort and I accepted…"

I have no fucking clue whether Ana's silence is a good sign or a bad sign. I look down at our entwined hands and then back at the beautiful woman sitting next to me. She blinks her eyes a few times and then she frowns.

"Ana please say something…" I plead and squeeze her hands.

"An escort?" She rasps. "You mean you worked for a police escort service or law enforcement escort…right?" I can see in her eyes that she knows perfectly well what kind of escort I mean, she is just in some kind of denial. _I would be too if I were her._

"No…not that kind of escort. I mean that I worked for an escort agency that provided escorts for clients, usually for sexual services."

"I…I don't believe you…" She whispers. "Please tell me that you are joking…please…" Her eyes are searching my face as if she can find the answers there.

"I'm sorry…I just didn't see any other way…."

"But there were other ways Christian!" She says panicking. "You could have gone back to Harvard, you…you could off…"

"At that time Ana I didn't see that I had any other choice. Believe me if I would have known what it entailed exactly I would have never signed that contract…" Her hands feel clammy in mine. She pulls away and walks to the window. Her arms wrapped around her waist.

"To how many woman did you provide your services Christian?"

"Ana, I don't think…"  
"I know that I don't have any right to ask you this, I mean we weren't even together…" She says interrupting me. "Call it morbid curiosity or whatever you want, but I really would like to know how many women you fucked…" I wince at her bluntness. But she is right. What I did with those woman had nothing to do with making love, at least not to me. It was a part I played. It was what I was hired for.

"Fifteen…fifteen women…"

She nods her head, still staring out of the window. "Were they pretty?"

"Some of them were … yes…"

"Did you enjoy it?"

"No…I didn't."

She suddenly turns around. The expression on her face is blank, so I have no idea what she is thinking right now. "So, you are telling me that you never got aroused when fucking those women? That you never got off?"

"What I am telling you is that they meant nothing to me. They were my clients and I did what they asked me to do Anastasia…"

"Did you let them touch you?"

"No. absolutely not Ana. Only you Ana…"

"Did you kiss them?"

"No…I never kissed them."

Silence. Ana turns around again and leans her forehead against the window. The minutes pass slowly as Ana stays motionless staring out of the window. Not knowing what to do and not being able to handle the silence anymore I stand up from the couch and make my way to the door.

"I will be leaving Ana…I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me. But please for the sake of my employees I beg you to keep this to yourself…"

The door knob feels cold in my hands. "I'm sorry Anastasia…"

"Stay…don't leave…" It is a faint whisper, but I hear her and I have never been so fucking relieved in my life.

She turns around slowly and I see devastation written all over her face. Her bottom lip starts to tremble, her shoulders are shaking. It takes me a few steps to get to her and wrap my arms around her. Hesitantly she wraps her arms around my neck and leans with her head against my shoulder. Despite the turmoil this is perfect. She feels perfect in my arms. _This is how it should be._

The perfect moment is interrupted by the shrill sound of her doorbell.

"Are you expecting someone?" I whisper against her hair.

"Uhm no…" She wipes the tears from her face and takes a deep breath. "I better go and see who's at the door…" Ana says apologetically.

Ana walks with shaky legs towards the door. "Kate? What…what are you doing here?"

In typical Kate style, Kate kisses Ana's cheek and walks determined into the apartment. The smile on her face is bright and she is carrying all kinds of shit in her hands. "I need you to help me Banana…" I roll my eyes at the ridiculous nick name she has for Ana.

"Uhm…Kate this isn't a good time…" Ana's eyes wander to where I am standing and that is when Katherine fucking Kavanagh finally notices me.

"Christian?" Kate looks from me to Ana. "Ana…do I need to kick him out? Did he hurt you? You have been crying haven't you…" She is spilling questions nonstop. "And what the hell did I tell you huh!" She is now looking at me, her eyes turned into tiny splits and fuck I don't even know what my brother sees in her.

"Kate please stay out of this…" Ana says silently.

"I am not staying out of this. I told him several times to give you some freaking space, but somehow I just turn my back for five freaking minutes and he is over you like a bad rash…"

"It is not like that Kate…" I am surprised that Ana is still acting this calm. But then again, if someone knows how to handle Kate, it is Ana.

Kate visibly relaxes after hearing Ana's admission. "Are you sure? Because you sounded pretty upset when you called me this afternoon…"

"I'm sure…and I am sorry about that phone call…" Ana's eyes dart to mine and then to Kate's. She looks nervous and uncomfortable.

"And what was that stupid text I got from you Steele?" Kate is pinning Ana with her green eyes and fucks he is scary as shit.

"That was something stupid from my part…forget the text Kate…" She says apologetically.

"If you hurt her again Grey…I will make your life fucking miserable…" She hisses looking at me over Ana's shoulder.

"Enough Kate…please." Ana opens the door and waits for Kate to step out. "I will call you tomorrow…" They hug and Kate whispers something in Ana's ear and then she is finally fucking gone.

"I'm sorry about that…" Ana says walking back into the living room. "But she is very protective…"

"It's okay Ana…I understand that she doesn't trust me." I admit.

"Would you like a glass of wine, because I surely need one…" Ana laughs nervously and is already making her way to her kitchen.

A few minutes later she comes walking back into the living room holding two glasses of red wine. "I hope you like red wine…" She says and blushes.

"Red wine is fine…" I murmur.

Ana sits on the couch and pats the empty space beside her. "I have questions…a lot of questions…"

As I take a seat next to her and watch her beautiful face, the apprehension I was feeling before is starting to take control of my body again. But I know I need to have patience because I can't rush something that I want to last forever.


	10. Chapter 10 - Friends?

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 10 – Friends?  
**

 **Anastasia**

"I figured you might have questions." Christian replies nervously. "Ask me anything you want…" With the glass of wine in his hands he sits down beside me, our knees almost touching.

I have no idea what to think about Christian's admission a few minutes ago before Kate interrupted. An escort. He worked as an escort providing sexual services to woman. He spent a year whoring himself off to women. Fifteen…he fucked fifteen women. Christian Grey worked as a prostitute. _Jesus…_

Even if I lived all those years believing that Christian was in love with someone else…the idea of him working as an escort makes me sick to my stomach. I am not so much repulsed by him but it is more that I feel hurt for him. I believe him when he says that he didn't see any other way.

Images of him touching and fucking other woman are now ingrained in my brain. Images of him as some sort of arm candy… _Fuck._ It did not have to be that way. His father should have helped him…

Even though I want to feel betrayed, I can't and I don't. I know that Christian is telling me the truth when he says that he did what he did because it was what was expected from him and what he signed up for. I feel it in my bones.

When we were still in Harvard girls were constantly falling for Christian. He had the chance to sleep with all of those girls, because they practically threw themselves at him. But he never did. He told me several times that after his experience with Elena Lincoln he thought differently about sex. So I believe him.

"I am only trying to understand…" I start. "Will you please share with me how you got involved in…in …"

He clears his throat and watches me intently. "In whoring myself?" He cocks an eyebrow and keeps looking at me.

"I didn't mean it that way. It's just that it is shocking to hear that the guy you were planning in marrying…"

"Just ask me what you want to know Ana…but know that I am going to be completely honest about it. No more fucking lies." He says through gritted teeth.

"No…no more lies…" I add quickly and take a sip from the wine for courage.

"Who approached you?"

When he closes his eyes and bows his head forward I know that I am not going to like his answer.

"It was Elena Lincoln…" _That fucking bitch!_

"Did she…was she one of your clients?" _Please no…please say no._

"No…she wasn't…she was like a sales representative…a booker so to say…" Christian places his glass of wine on the table and leans back against the couch. He stretches his long legs in front of him and brings his hand to his neck. "I think it was a coincidence that I ran into her at that club…" Yeah, bullshit…nothing is a coincidence with that woman, but for now I keep that opinion to myself.

"I was working at that club for approximately three weeks and I was seriously doubting every fucking decision I had made. The bank wasn't taking me seriously and there was the money issue. I had run out of options Ana… During one of my breaks I saw her walking into the club as if she fucking owned it…anyway she immediately spotted me and persuaded me into having a drink…she didn't mention at first why…she just said for old times' sake and all that crap…" _Stupid, stupid, stupid man! He just fell into her trap, eyes open wide._

"Don't look at me like that Ana…" He says when he briefly meets my eyes. "I can't bear to see that look of disdain and horrification written all over your face…"

"I'm sorry it is just that I hate her…" _And again she put her claws into you and lured you into her web…_

"I know…and so do I … believe me." He looks at me for a long time and brushes his hands through his already disheveled hair.

"Anyway…where was I…" Christian closes his eyes and for a moment he looks almost pained. As if the memories hurt him. "Oh yeah…I accepted her invitation for a drink…I just thought that if I gave in to her that she would disappear and leave me alone…you have to believe me that I had no intention what so ever to go back to that sick arrangement of hers."

I got curious when she started talking about a perfect opportunity to quickly gather money I agreed on another appointment. I didn't even know what that 'opportunity' entailed until the day of the interview came and I found myself sitting in one of Boston's most expensive hotels talking with the escort service agency representative and Elena."

"And just like that you signed a contract and you started working for them?" I ask disbelievingly.

He snorts and shakes his head sadly. "They were very, very thorough…but once they decided to hire me I needed to pose for a photographer. These pictures were posted on the agency's website and the guidelines were set. In the meantime they send me off to a training of sorts…" Christian quickly looks at me and he blushes. _Christian rarely blushes._

"What do you mean a training?" _God, please don't let it be what I think it is._

"It was a four weeks training where they taught me how to escort my client to a dinner, work function or a charity. They taught me how I needed to dress and act. They taught me how to be charming, attentive, loving, and considerate. They taught me how to be convincing without meaning it… and of course there was the physical part of the training." Christian voice dies and he stares at his hands that are now folded on his lap.

"Physical training?" I ask. _Surely I didn't hear that correctly._

"Yes Anastasia…a physical training…do you really want to hear what it entails?"

 _No._ "Yes…"

"Very well…they taught me massage skills, kissing…and no I didn't kiss them on the mouth but as a form of foreplay I would kiss them up and down their back, inside her thighs, the tips of her fingers…" He takes a huge breath of air and turns his head to look at me. "Do you want me to continue Ana?"

"No…please no more…" The words come out strangled. But god, the idea of Christian making love to another woman makes me sick. He kissed them, whispered sweet little words in their ear while having sex…

"Don't go there Ana…it didn't mean anything…it was all an act…"

"Christian, did you ever discuss this with someone? Does anyone know about this?" Shit, if he has been keeping this bottled up inside. Damn he was too young…they groomed him, that bitch took again advantage of his vulnerability. Even more…what has this done to him? I know that Christian always struggled with the fact that his birth mother was a crack-addict who sold her body to provide for her next fix.

"My therapist knows that I worked as an escort, but I never talked to him about the details. You are the first one I am telling this Ana…" He is still staring at his hands. "And then there is my grandfather…he was the one who ultimately dragged me away from that world…I had signed a contract for one year…"

"How did he find out?"

"I was at a charity with a client and my grandfather was there too. It didn't take him long to figure out that something was very wrong. Seems that the client knew my grandfather and well…she introduced me as her boyfriend Trev…"

"Oh god…"

"Yeah…it was fucking horrible. My grandfather didn't say anything at first. He played along…remarkably well I might add. But his face Ana…he looked so disappointed…I have never see him looking at me like that before. The next day he showed up on my doorstep…oh fuck Ana I have never seen my grandfather that angry…"

"What did you do?"

"I confessed everything of course and begged him not to tell my mother…he agreed with the condition that I needed to stop immediately. But I couldn't…I had signed that fucking contract. He told me not to worry and that he would take care of it. As a lawyer…I don't know what he did…I know that I got a phone call from the agency the next day, telling me that I was no longer under contract and that my services weren't needed anymore…"

"Does your grandfather know about Elena's involvement?"

"Yes…I told him. I had to come clean about everything…I don't know what transpired between those two, but Elena never contacted me again."

"Aren't you afraid that someone recognizes you?"

"Of course there is always that fear, but everyone involved signs a nondisclosure agreement, the clients and the escorts. Besides the man and woman who hire an escort don't want to risk their reputation or marriage…because by exposing the escort they would expose themselves…"

"They were married?" I ask shocked.

"Yeah…not all of them. The married ones are mostly woman married to wealthy man who are extremely lonely. They are the ones who hire an escort for the sex…and then there are the other ones who are successful business women who need someone to accompany them to dinner or functions."

"You said that the woman I saw you with this afternoon was a part of your past…who is she Christian? Was she a client?"

"No, she wasn't a client. She was…is an escort. She started a few months before I did…the physical training was with her. Then occasionally our paths would cross during fundraisers…sometimes we visited those fundraisers to network and we went as each other's date…"

 _Oh my god._ "So you had sex with her too?"

"Yes. I did…" So it is true, just like I suspected. Christian and that beautiful woman had sex…multiple times.

Christian tentatively reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. "For what's worth it Ana…it was a job…when I was with those woman I wasn't Christian Grey…I was simply Trev…an arm candy…"

 **Christian**

Ana stares at our entwined hands. In the other hand she is holding her glass of wine.

"So, then your grandfather arranged for you to get out of that horrible contract and you came back to Seattle or did you stay in Boston?"

"I…I decided to stay there…I was in a bad mindset…having to be an escort was eating away at me because let's face it…I wasn't much better than my crack-whore mother. The only thing missing was the drugs."

"Christian…that's not true…Ella was …"

"Ella was a crack-whore Ana. She sold her body to get her next fix…I sold my body for money…" I refill our glasses with wine and sigh.

"Anyway…my grandfather introduced me to John Flynn, one of the best psychiatrists in the state of Washington. I would meet him once a week…he would travel to Boston and pick at my brain until I was fucking tired of hearing my own thoughts. At the same time my grandfather helped me with the rest of the money…he told me that I should have gone to him instead of my father and that things would have worked out differently. My grandfather was there with me when I bought my first company and he still is there for me when shit hits the fan or when I just want to sit down and talk to someone."

"You are lonely…" Ana whispers. And it's not a question it is a fucking statement.

"Yes I am…" She nods her head and then her blue eyes turn to mine.

"I don't understand though…you have your parents, Elliot and Mia…"

"Ana I am never asking my father for his help again…never. As for my mother…I knew that I never was worthy of her love Ana…so I did what I had to do. After my dad threw me out my parents lived apart for a few weeks…my mom never agreed with my dad about how he handled things after I left Harvard. I don't want to be the reason for my parents' divorce Ana…so I keep my distance."

"Your parents love you Christian…" _Oh sweet Ana…_

"That might be true, but it is for the best to keep my distance…if my mother would ever find out what I did…god that would break her heart…" _And probably her marriage…_

"Why did you leave me Christian? Why did you choose your company above me? Why didn't you talk to me?" As the questions come spilling out of her mouth her voice raises.

"I could have helped you…I really could…we could have done it together…" She says sadly.

"Ana, you have to believe me when I say that I regretted my decision every fucking single day…I'm sorry Ana…I am so fucking sorry…"

"You know…even after living in London for months I still hoped that you would show up, that you would walk into my room and tell me how much you regretted what you had done and that you wanted me back…I felt so stupid, such a fool for hoping such things…I just kept thinking, what did I do wrong?" She clears her throat and stares at an invisible spot on the floor.

"Not one day went by without thinking of you Ana…" She nods her head slowly.

"That doesn't answer my questions Christian. You can tell me until you see blue in the face that you regret everything and that you didn't stop thinking of me in all those years that we were separated. You can apologize repeatedly, and you really need to stop doing that, because it irritates the living shit out of me, but that doesn't change the fact that you broke my heart…you turned your back on me…you kicked me out because you were a coward…you took the easy way out…" She finishes and yanks her hands from mine.

"So you think I was a coward? Do you think it was easy for me? Do you really think that I wanted to let you go Ana?"

"Honestly Christian? I don't know what to think anymore…you fucked up…"

"I know! Fuck I know Ana…"

"Do you know how it feels?" She whispers and suddenly she looks so tired. "It feels like I wasn't worth the fight…"

She then sighs exasperated and buries her face in her hands.

I am starting to panic. Seeing the expression in her eyes just a few seconds ago…desolation, hurt…she is giving up.

All those times that I was about to ask Welch to track her down flash through my mind…but then I quickly let the idea go, because I was too afraid of what I might find out.

Ray told me that Ana hated me. I had broken up with her in the most horrible way…I simply didn't deserve her…that feeling lasted until I saw her at that Italian restaurant a few weeks ago.

"Please don't give up on me…" I whisper. "You said the other day that actions mean more than words…let me prove to you that we can work this out. Yes, I made terrible mistakes, I messed up, I am far from perfect, but please Ana give me a chance…please…"

She starts to mutter something under her breath and even though the situation isn't exactly funny it brings a smile on my face. _She still talks in herself and it is fucking cute._

"What am I going to do with you Grey?" She says now slowly lifting her head.

"That is my line Ana…"

"Thank you for being honest with me…" Her eyes dart up to mine and she blushes. "You know for telling me everything, I appreciate it…I am sure it was hard to share that with me."

"It was, I thought that you would kick me out and tell me that you wouldn't want anything to do with me…"

"In my line of job Christian…let's just say that I don't get shocked quickly anymore. I know from some of the models that they also worked as escorts before getting into modeling. Some did it for the thrill, while others did it for the money…it doesn't make them bad people…"

I close my eyes and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. "So you are not sickened by what I did?" _I need to ask. I need to be sure._

"No, I am not sickened by you…I think you are one of the bravest persons I have met. And for what's worth it…I am very proud of what you have accomplished…"

"Do you really mean that?"

"You know I do, otherwise I wouldn't say it…"

"Thank you Anastasia. You have no idea how much that means to me…"

"Does that surprise you Christian?" She says in a really small voice. "Because I never doubted you ... I knew you would succeed."

"I know. At that time you were the only one who had faith in me, but I treated you horribly Ana…"

"You did. But maybe we should focus on the good things. On sharing things with each other…you know start small…as friends…" When I find the courage to look at her she is biting her bottom lip.

"Fuck Ana…don't bite your lip…" My hand automatically reaches for her lip and pull it free. She just looks at me with her big intoxicating eyes. Her gaze swifts from my eyes to my lips. Does she feel it too? That pull? That amazing connection? Because I certainly do.

My hand falls away the moment she pulls her head away from my touch. "Let us be friends…" She says silently. "But you are right we need to start small…slow…so that means no touching…"

"No touching? Like none at all?" _What the fuck is this ridiculous rule?_

"No touching…" She says again. But honestly I don't know if she is trying to convince herself or me.

"But friends are allowed to touch each other…" I whine and fuck I don't even care that I sound like a four year old. Slowly her perfect eyebrow raises and _that_ look appears on her face. Fuck that is her warning look. The look that says "don't even go there…"

"Okay…no touching…" I concede albeit forced. "But to celebrate the fact that we are friends can I hug you?"

Her eyes turn wide and she bites her lip again. _Sweet Jesus…that lip._

"I guess we can bend the rules for once…" Without letting her finish I wrap my arms around her and push her against my chest. Her hands wrap around my waist and her head is leaning against my chest. _Fuck that no touching rule is going to be a bitch!_

"Christian…" She whispers against my chest. "I hate to say this, but this doesn't mean that I have forgiven you or that I have forgotten what you did…" I close my eyes and it hurts. Sure I didn't expect us to be jumping back to where we left…but it still hurts. I nod my head and hold her a little tighter.

"And another thing…" She says. "If and when I see Elena again…I am going to kill her."

And then fucking karma happens fucking again. Ana's phone start ringing. The song Butterfly Kisses sounds from the kitchen counter. Ana tenses in my arms, but instead of unwrapping herself from my hold she waits until her phone stops. "Well he certainly isn't getting any hugs or butterfly kisses in the foreseeable future…" She mutters. Not ten seconds pass or Bob Carlisle's voice sounds through the room again.

"Maybe you should get that…" I release her from my hold and watch her walking to the kitchen counter. At first she just stares at the phone. It is like she is having an internal battle.

"Hi dad…" She says in a monotone voice. With her eyes trained on her shoes she listens to Ray.

"Well I just forgot to call you…" She says casually. Again she listens and this time her hand is balled into a fist.

"I don't want to talk about it now dad…look it is late…I have to go." And just like that she ends the conversation.

"I'm sorry" She says and she looks as if life has been sucked out of her.

"Was everything all right?"

"No…everything is not all right. He was mad…I always call him after I visit him. I didn't today…the reasons are obvious…" She shrugs and just stands there looking completely lost. _Change her thoughts Grey!_

"So you use ringtones for all of your contacts? I ask.

"No not all my contacts…mostly the people who are closest to me…" She walks to her kitchen opens a cabinet and retrieves a bag of M&M's. She gathers a bowl from another cabinet and pours the entire contents of the bag into the bowl. In a few strides the walks back to the couch and sits on the spot next to me. She puts the bowl between us and points at it. "Just the green ones okay?" _I wouldn't dare otherwise…_

"I have _its raining man_ for Kate…and Elliot just changed his ringtone in _I'm sexy and I know it_ …then there are some other people, but you don't know them…" She picks a red M&M and puts it in her mouth.

 _Then there are some other people, but you don't know them._ That little sentence, said very casually but it unfurls sadness and jealously in my body. She is absolutely right, there is a lot I don't know about Ana. And maybe instead of dwelling on the jealousy and the guilt I should focus on the future. We are friends after all.

"Want to play the five question game?" I pop a _green_ M &M in my mouth as casually as possible. In the meantime my heart is beating furiously against my chest. We used to play this little game a lot of times when we were still together. It doesn't go unnoticed that her eyes are now on my lips. She blinks a few times and slowly nods her head. "Sure…" She croaks.

"What is your favorite color?" I watch the corners of her mouth curl into a smile.

"Oh that's easy…yellow…but you already knew that…" I don't think that she wanted to say that last sentence. But she is right. I already knew that yellow is her favorite color.

"Favorite movie?" swallowing the wine in her mouth she looks pensive.

"Two weeks' notice…with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant…"

"Not the Notebook anymore?" _Fuck I can't even remember the times she made me watch that movie._

"No…to sad…made me cry every single time. Two weeks' notice is a romantic comedy…"

"Tell me about it…"

"The movie is about a woman who is a lawyer and an arrogant, greedy and suave billionaire…" Her eyes move to mine quickly. "Anyway…" She says quickly averting her eyes. "The movie is hard to explain, just watch it sometime…"

"Maybe we can watch it together…" I reply hopefully.

"Maybe…" She says thoughtfully. "Next question Grey…"

"What is your favorite place in the world…" Even though slightly, her body tenses. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her this question, but I can't take it back anymore. Her answer to this question would always be…"wherever you are"…a man can hope but I think it is very unlikely that her answer is still going to be the same. _Not unlikely Grey, it is fucking impossible…_

"Well…that is a tough one…" She says staring at the glass of wine in her hand. "I don't think I can answer this question…there are a lot of places I have been the last couple of years." Staring into the distance she bites her lip and then slowly turns her head so she is fully facing me.

"Paris…I love Paris…" She finally admits. She looks so fucking beautiful right now with her hair framing her slightly flushed face.

"Why did you leave New York Ana?" Her head snaps in my direction and her eyes go wide.

"I already told you…" She replies with a trembling voice. "Because I missed my dad…" _She really is a terrible liar._

"I don't believe you Ana…"

"You run out of questions Christian…I think it is time for you to go. We both have that interview tomorrow morning…" And she is back to cold Ana again.

"Ana…what happened there? Did someone hurt you?"

"Will you just let it go?" She snaps and in her rush to get away from me, the bowl with M&M's falls on the floor. The ceramic bowl makes a dull sound and breaks in two…the chocolate-covered peanuts fall on the floor and Ana just stands frozen in her spot staring at the mess.

"Let me help you…"

"No…no please go Christian…" She whispers.

I don't want to go. I really don't. I want to hold her and tell her that she can trust me and tell her that she can tell me everything that happened there. _What the fuck made her run away?_

I could have that information with one phone call to Welch. I would have her background check by tomorrow morning on my desk. But I know that if Ana ever found out I did that she would see that as the ultimate form of betrayal. I can't risk that.

"Christian?" When I look up Ana is standing by the door, the door handle in her hand. I look down to the mess at my feet and then back at Ana again.

"Are you going to be all right Ana?"

"Sure…" She waves her hand in the air dismissively and rolls her eyes. "I'm fine…" She smiles a bright fake smile and opens the door.

"Close the door behind you…" I say as I step back into the hallway. She nods her head and smiles, this time sadly. "See you tomorrow…" She whispers.

"See you tomorrow Anastasia…" She closes the door and I wait until I hear the door softly clicking shut. It takes only a few seconds before I hear a thud against the door, I pause and listen to Ana's gut-wrenching Ana's sobs.

I grip the back of my neck with both hands and pace the small hallway. I hate hearing her falling apart. I hate seeing the stooped set of her shoulders. I prefer her with her chin held high telling me that I am an ass. I fucking hate it when she cries!

I know that she doesn't want me there…so I lean against the door and let myself slowly slide down until I am sitting on the floor, my back leaning against her door. I am not leaving until she stops crying. Closing my eyes I fight the urge to knock on the door…instead I take a deep breath and listen to her sobbing.


	11. Chapter 11 - Betrayal & Guilt

**Chapter 11 - Betrayal & Guilt **

**Anastasia**

Betrayal…the consequences of betrayal take a few moments to burrow itself deep under your skin and into your heart. The feeling is unrelenting and it just doesn't go away. _It doesn't go away…_ The ache in my heart is worsening and I don't have any power left to control it. I don't even have the strength anymore.

When Christian finally admitted what he had done, I felt like the ground had shifted. It feels like freefalling in a pit of loneliness and doubt. _Disloyalty…it sucks when you are on the receiving end._

Then there is my dad whose lies and interference created a domino effect with devastating consequences.

I should have never agreed in playing that stupid five-question game. Sure, we use to do it all the time…but things have changed. I was relieved that Christian's questions were innocent and funny. That is until he asked me the last question: _What happened in New York?_

New York equals guilt. The horrifying feeling of guilt. It is embedded in my conscience and it gnaws at my heart every time I think of what happened. What if? What if I would have waited longer? What if I would have ordered another drink? Would he be alive right now?

I have always wanted to believe that accidents like that don't happen to me. Just like I once believed in a 'happily ever after'…turns out that love is a mirage. It is an illusion, fake and impossible. Love is messy…just like life. Things happen that you just can't understand…it leaves a long trail of regret and guilt in its wake. It turns out, that what if questions can never be answered.

 _Flashback_

" _I don't know Adam…" I stare at my friends' tattooed arms and bite my lip. "I mean that must really hurt…" Adam shrugs and brings his hand to his beard. "Pain is relative Ana…" Yeah, right easy for him to say. "Don't bullshit me Adam, you told me yourself that it hurt…"_

" _I was overreacting okay?" the corner of his eyes crinkle as he flashes me a smirk._

" _I mean you girls share labor and birth stories all the freaking time, but that doesn't stop woman from having babies!" He laughs._

 _I roll my eyes and smirk back. "I think the end result and the_ _reason_ _you are experiencing the pain can affect how much it hurts."_

" _Come on Ana…you said you would do it. You have been talking about getting a tattoo since you moved to New York…" Peter nudges my shoulder with his and winks at me playfully. I give him an incredulous look. "You, Mr. Needles-freak-me out, have absolutely no right to say that…"_

" _I will do it if you do it…then we will be the tattooed photographer trio…" Peter says bravely._

" _I was thinking in getting another tattoo…we can go together…" Adam says while holding onto his beer glass._

 _Peter raises his glass in the air and points his finger at Adam. "In a scale from one to ten how much does it really hurt?" Adam thinks for a few moments._

" _Since you have a fear of needles and blood, getting a tattoo isn't going to be easy. However, I need to point out that tattoo needles do not enter the skin very far…it only goes in about 1/16 of an inch. That is really insignificant." I watch Peter wincing next to me. His eyes briefly meet mine. He is scared shitless._

" _And what about the blood?" Peter asks._

 _Again Adam shrugs. "The needles move in and up-and-down motion, pushing the ink just below the surface of the skin. The damage to your skin is so minimal that many people don't bleed at all, or very little. Besides, the tattoo artist will be constantly wiping up your skin to clean off any traces of blood, so it's done in a very clean and professional manner."_

 _I look at Adam and let my eyes wander from his neck to his hands, all of which are covered with colorful tattoos. Adam looks with his 6'3 in height, muscles, tattoos and beard like a badass…but in reality he is just a sweet guy who has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for two years now. Adam is the good guy hiding behind the bad boy image. The reason for our get together is because Adam will be leaving to Canada in a few days to marry the girl of his dreams._

 _Peter sitting on my right is the complete opposite of Adam. With his glasses and perfectly cut hair, he is what people would describe as nerdy… He is however, just like Adam a sweetheart. Peter is extremely funny, caring and one of the best photographers I know. Peter is a devoted Star Wars fan and occasionally quotes on liners. Like I said. Peter is a geek._

" _Let's do it…" I slam my hands against the wooden table and rise to my feet._

" _Like now?" Peter says looking horrified._

" _Sure…there is no better moment then the present…" I quip._

" _Come on man…you heard her…let's do this." Adam rises to his feet and throws a twenty dollar bill on the table. "No worries Pete, I'll hold your hand…" Adam says and claps Peter on the shoulder._

" _Steele…you are not backing out on me are you?" Peter says and he looks serious or maybe he looks scared. Yup, it is scared. We can now be scared together…_

" _I promise I won't…" I smile brightly and hook my arm with his. Shit what have I gotten myself into? Hesitation flashes briefly through his eyes and then he smiles back. "You are right Steele…life is too short…let's do this."_

 _Stepping out of the bar we are immediately hit by the loudness, the traffic and the crowd. Neon lights flash and cars rush by honking horns. In front of us there is a heavy jam of vehicles. I don't pay it much attention, because that is the norm here in New York. Suddenly I hear a screeching sound…I look to my right and watch Adam looking down at his phone. A smile appears on his face._

 _While I look at Adam, I hear something behind me. It sounds like screeching tires. Then everything seems to go in slow motion. Adam looking up from his phone, his smile falls and his eyes turn wide as he looks from the street to someone standing behind me. "Peter, Ana move!" Adam yells._

 _Fear paralyzes me. Anchoring me in my place. "Ana move!" What is wrong? Why are people screaming? As I move my head to look at where the noise is coming from I feel someone pull at my arm. Then more screaming…more screeching tires followed by an excruciating dull thud. Then silence…until someone screams. "Call 911!"_

 _I try to move but someone or something is pressing me against the ground. I need to get up…I need to get to Peter…oh my God…Peter…_

 _End flashback_

 **Christian**

This is it. I can't take it anymore. More than twenty minutes have passed and I can still hear Ana's cries through the door. They are gut-wrenching. I don't care if she doesn't want me there, I don't care if she pushes me away…I will deal with the consequences later, now I need to get to her. I need to show her that she isn't alone.

"Ana! Ana open the door!" I knock on the door a few times, but she doesn't react. "Ana…please open the door!" _Please open the door…_

The cries stop and I hear shuffling behind the door, I slowly watch the door handle turning. When I look up I see Ana's tear stained face looking back at me.

"Christian…what…you left…you…" she hangs her head down and her shoulders slump. Robotically she takes a step back inside and opens the door for me to enter. When she looks back at me the tears start falling from her eyes, over her cheeks. God, this is heartbreaking. I close the door behind me with my foot and take her in my arms bridal style and start walking to the narrow hallway.

"Where is your room…?"

"Second door on the left…" She mumbles in my shirt. I feel the tenseness radiating off of her.

The moment I lay her on her bed she moves on her side. She is facing me but looking right through me. For only a few seconds there is this moment of awkwardness because I have really no idea what to do. Do I lay down next to her, do I keep standing here like an idiot or do I walk away? The latter is not an option.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Ana's eyes dart to mine and then back to the wall.

I immediately shrug out of my jacket and kick off my shoes. Carefully I crawl on Ana's bed and lay down. Facing her. I am immediately engulfed in her scent taking me back to a time when lying next to her was a natural thing.

"What happened Ana?" I believe this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Being so near to Ana, but not being able to touch her is excruciatingly hard. Stupid no-touching rule.

"I had a little melt-down…" She whispers sadly. She has one hand tucked under her face and the other hand is on the duvet.

"Was it because of what I told you?"

"Partially it was…" She sighs.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She snorts and her eyes bore into mine. "I really don't want to talk about it…but I guess I owe you an explanation too…"

Since I can't control myself anymore I slide my hand over the duvet and grab her hand. "I don't like the no-touching rule…we are friends now and friends can touch each other…" I quickly explain.

She doesn't pull back, so I guess I made a little progress.

"It is more complicated than that and you know it…" She is right, but I am not about to agree with her.

"I feel betrayed Christian."

"Betrayed?"

"Yes, when you decided to break up with me, talk with your dad behind my back, talk with my dad behind my back, you betrayed my trust in you." She clears her throat. "By betraying my trust you broke my spirit…"

"I never mean to betray you Ana…I was just trying to do the right thing, how stupid it may sound to you, but that is really what I was trying to do. There was nothing I could offer you…"

"I just wanted you Christian. I loved you…" She shifts on her pillow and sniffs. "Do you think that if we had met now, that I would love you more because of your status or bank account? I want to ask you something and I would appreciate it if you would be completely honest with me…"

"Ask anything you want…"

"The papers paint you as Seattle's most eligible bachelor, you are extremely handsome, successful. You live in Seattle's most expensive apartment, you wear tailored suits, your car probably costs more than this entire apartment block…this means that you achieved what you wanted. But tell me Christian, are you happy? You surround yourself with the prettiest things, but is this what you really wanted out of life?"

"No it's not. Because I have no one to share it with. When I envisioned myself building my company, it was you who was by my side but then I pushed you away."

"Hypothetically speaking…" She starts and I have to admit that concentrating is extremely difficult since her thumb is slowly caressing my skin. My entire body is focused on that very small piece of skin where Ana's thumb is touching me. The feeling is exquisite and it sends tingles straight to my dick. "Assuming that you got to Montesano and that I was still there…what would you have done?"

"I would have told you that I was the biggest idiot on this planet by breaking up with you and to please give me another chance. I would have never gone back to Harvard, but I would have stayed in Boston with you, I would have postponed my plans…and together we would have worked something out…" I squeeze her hand a little bit and continue. "My apologies are sincere Ana. I take full responsibility for what happened five years ago and I know that by making excuses I only negate the apology."

"I need time Christian. I need time to heal…"

"I know…and I will give you the time and space you need." _As long as I can be a part of that healing process…_

Even in the dim-lit room, I see her eyes soften slightly.

"You need to forgive yourself too you know. Holding on to the guilt can be damaging for you. Forgive yourself Christian and let it go…"

Neither of us says anything, the only sound in the room is our breathing and the sporadic movement of our legs against the duvet.

"Are you tired?" I ask when I see her masking a yawn.

"Yeah…" She says sounding apologetically. "It has been a long day…"

"We can talk tomorrow…" I say.

"We have the interview tomorrow and afterwards I am meeting Kate for lunch…" She says sleepy.

"Do you have plans for dinner?" Since I can no longer restrain myself, I push a strand of hair that is lying across her cheek behind her ear.

"No I don't…"

"Well Ms. Steele…would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow?"

"A date?"

"Yes, I think that it is totally acceptable when friends go on dates…"

"Okay…I would like that…no Mexican though…" I can hear the amusement in her voice.

I chuckle and squeeze her hand. "No Mexican…I promise, but is there somewhere you would like to go?"

"Surprise me…" She whispers. And that is a lot coming from Anastasia's mouth since she really doesn't like surprises at all.

"Do you want me to stay here with you until you fall asleep?"

"Hmm hmmm…" And because I am a selfish son of a bitch and I want to spend as much time with Ana as I can, I will consider that as a yes.

 **Anastasia**

I am late. Horribly late that is. And I am never late. Ever. Kate for example is rarely on time. It seems like no matter what the situation or event is, she just can't seem to be on time. She then uses a plethora of excuses to justify her tardiness. _It pisses me off_. Not only do I find her behavior selfish, it is also disrespectful.

I woke up in the middle of the night from a sound. The bed next to me was empty and even though I felt disappointed that Christian had already left I knew it was for the best. Things were going too fast too soon. After I woke up and found Christian gone it was impossible to fall asleep again. I tossed and turned until I finally gave up. I must have fallen asleep on the couch though because I woke up from a loud noise in the stairwell.

My hair is still wet from the shower, and I blindly grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater from my closet.

With no time left to blow dry my hair, I quickly make a braid and secure it with a rubber band. I slip quickly into my black ballet flats, quickly make my way to the kitchen and grab an apple from the fruit bowl. _I desperately need to go grocery shopping._

This would never happen to Christian, I think when I am waiting for the second red light this morning. He is one of the most punctual people I know. Just like me he hates tardiness.

"Come on…come one…" I say slamming my hands against the steering wheel and staring at the red traffic light. I would have probably been faster if I just walked.

And then fucking finally, after twenty agonizingly long minutes, I park my car across the beautiful building housing Grey Enterprises Holding. _I am twenty minutes late._ _Crap._

I haven't even set foot in the building when I am accosted by Christian's security guy. "Ms. Steele…please follow me. Mr. Grey is already waiting." _I bet he is…_

We step into the elevators and I almost get a heart attack when I see my own reflection in the mirrored walls. _Oh. My. God._ _I look like shit._ And there is not one freaking thing I can do about it.

Before I know it the doors are sliding open and I enter the polished reception area where Christian's assistant is sitting, looking all elegant, professional but mainly she looks in control. If this interview would not be so important for Grace, I would immediately turn around and go home, crawl under the covers and feel extremely sorry for myself.

Luckily, all interviews could be scheduled for the coming weeks, which suits me quite well considering I have enough time to finalize everything before I leave for Russia. The first thing I need to do is to find an assistant who is willing to go with me to Russia for two to three weeks.

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey can see you now…" The beautiful blonde assistant motions with her hands to the door and smiles. God, she must think I am a total slob. She is probably fighting her laughter at this very moment.

"Thank you…" I say and nod my head and grab the straps of my camera bag and straighten my shoulders.

I hesitate a little bit while I am standing in front of the humongous door. I knock softly and wait.

"Come in…" When I hear Christian's voice I am immediately thrown back to yesterday evening. Christian's confession, the pain, the hurt, his pout when I said that our friendship would be subjected to strict rules. And beneath all that hurt there are little rays of bright light. _Hope._

Because he came back. He took care of me and most importantly he didn't push me in telling him what had caused my epic melt down.

"Good morning, I am sorry I am so late…" I stop talking when I see the woman sitting very close to Christian. I know her. Natalia Barone. Italian beauty with confidence and good posture. Natalie Barone cares, like most Italian women, about her clothing and appearance. She is wearing deadly sexy shoes, the woman has great legs, long black hair that is styled into perfection. And she is actually nice. I have met Natalia a few times now and I have never seen her mad. Never.

Sometimes there is such a thing as being too nice. I want to be nice too, because let's be honest. She has always been nice to me, but seeing her sitting extremely close next to Christian, showing him something on her phone, doesn't bring out the nice person in me. On the contrary. Flashes of poking her eyes out with a blunt knife cross my mind.

"Anastasia, good morning." With a little smile on his lips Christian rises from the couch and saunters in my direction. _God, why does he have to smell so good?_

"Good morning…" I mutter.

"Anastasia I would like you to meet Natalia Barone, she will be conducting the interview."

"Yes, hey Natalia how are you doing?"

"Ana Steele. God, it has been like forever." She smiles her killer smile and rises elegantly from the couch to shake my hand.

"You two know each other?" Christian takes a step backward and motions with his finger to us.

"Yes. Natalia and I have met before…"

"Good, let us get this over with then. Where do you want me?" Christian says as his eyes bore into mine.

 _On top._ I think. I would preferably want you on top. So I can wrap my legs around your perfect ass as you …

"Ana?" I blink a few times and push that stupid fantasy to the back of my head. _Jesus Christ Steele. Fucking focus._

"Just pretend like I am not in the room…" Christian eyebrow rise. "Just do it…" I whisper. His smile broadens and I feel my stomach clenching. _He has the most captivating smile._

During the interview I discover that not only is Natalia Barone a genuinely nice person, she is also an excellent journalist. It is obvious that she has done her homework.

Natalia is well prepared, confident, good at asking relevant questions, she actually listens to what is being said and what is not being said and probes gently for additional clarification and she is fucking nice…

* * *

"Hey Kate, sorry I'm late…" I throw my camera bag on one of the chairs and shrug out of my jacket." It is just ten minutes past twelve, but if feels like it is midnight. I am exhausted.

"No problem…I already ordered you that tea you like so much…"

"Thanks…" I breathe. I check my phone before placing it on the table and turn my attention to my best friend. "You look good Kate." And she does. Her wavy strawberry-blond hair is coiffed perfect. Her make-up is flawless and her clothes fit her like a second skin.

"Thank you Banana." She smiles. "But what happened to you. You look like you had a rough morning?" _Gee…thanks Kate._

"You could say I had a rough two days…" The waitress arrives with Kate's coffee and my tea. We then both order our lunch and wait until the waitress has left our table.

"How did the interview go?"

"I was late and Natalia Barone was the one conducting the interview…"

"Ugh…that is that nice Italian girl isn't she?" Kate stares in the distance briefly and her eyes meet mine again. "I have met her a few times during the past few years and somehow it pisses me off that she is always so freaking nice…and she is hot too…"

"She is…" I admit and mindlessly stir my tea.

"Do you have enough photos?" I almost snort at her question. Do I have enough pictures?

"I do…" I have pictures of Christian brushing his hands through his hair, Christian rubbing his lip with his thumb, Christian scowling, Christian laughing…my favorite one is Christian wetting his lips.

"Good…" A mysterious smile forms on Kate's lips. "Where the questions decent?"

"Actually they were…she simply focused on the time Christian was adopted by the Grey's and how that formed him…"

"Spill it Steele…"

"I don't know where to start actually…" I say concentrating on the steaming cup of tea in front of me.

"Start at the beginning sweetie…I have all day…" She smiles at me.

When I finally gather the courage to start talking, it feels like a dam has broken open. I tell Kate everything. The appointment with Grace, the meeting with Christian at the Marina, the conversation with my dad and the disastrous dinner with Justin. I just cringe when I think of how I threw myself at him.

"Jesus Christ Ana…" And for the first time since I met Kate she is speechless. "So you actually kissed Justin?" I just nod, my eyes are focused on my cup of tea.

"How was it…?"

"It was just a kiss Kate…"

"But what was Christian doing in your apartment yesterday when I showed up?"

"Like I told you, my 'date' with Justin didn't end very well. So when I opened the door Christian was right there. I fought him of course and then he threw me over his shoulder and brought me back to my apartment…" When I look up I see Kate smiling.

"I don't think it is very funny Kate…" Kate simply shrugs.

"I was supposed to meet him…but I cancelled our appointment with a short, shitty text…"

"Ah…so he also got one of those texts?" She cocks her head to the side and I can see she is hurt.

"I am sorry Kate, I should have never done that to you. It was just that yesterday was an extremely shitty day."

"Forget it Steele…" She waves her hands in the air. "But I swear I never saw Christian with another woman before…just google him if you don't believe him."

"I believe you…" I say.

"It was about time that the two of you talked." She takes her time with her coffee and then her green eyes turn to mine.

"So, how did it go? Did you eventually talk" _Yes, we actually talked and I found out that the guy I was supposed to marry, worked as an escort and fucked fifteen woman. He was lured into that arrangement by no one other than Elena fucking Lincoln. And even though I feel betrayed, my heart hurts for him._

"Yes, we did. It was … enlightening…"

"Enlightening huh?" She says cocking her eyebrow. "Well enlighten me then Steele…" I shake my head. "I can't Kate. I promised him that I wouldn't discuss anything he told me."

"Is it that bad?"

I clear my throat. "It is not my story to tell Kate." I whisper.

She nods her head, but I can see the disappointment radiating off her. "You know Steele…I appreciate and value your integrity. But I have this feeling that there are a lot of things I don't know about you. I mean it is obvious that something happened in New York, you can't fool me about that story that you missed your dad…I know that you spend a few weeks in Georgia with your mom before you moved to Seattle, I have seen that scar on your stomach, I have seen that tattoo on your hip and yet you keep telling me bullshit stories about how clumsy you are and how you lost a stupid bet…" She shakes her head and I see the tears in her eyes.

"Kate…"

"Don't you trust me Ana? Because I would never betray your trust. You have been pushing me away…you are my best friend Ana Steele…" She whispers the last part.

"I am sorry Kate…you are my best friend. And you are right." I reach for her hand over the table and relief floods through me when she accepts my hand.

"There are things that I haven't told you...but that has nothing to do with not trusting you…it has everything to do with the fact that I just don't like to talk about it." I admit and swallows past the bile rising in my throat. "I promise I will tell you soon, but I am not ready yet okay?"

"Okay…"

The noise from the other patrons in the restaurant intensifies around me and it is only now that I notice that the little restaurant is quite busy. "Kate would you mind if we do this when we are alone?"

"I guess this isn't the right place…tonight?" She asks.

"I have a date with Christian tonight…"

"You…come again?"

"You heard that right Kate. He told me this morning that he is taking me to Canlis?"

"You have a date with Christian…the guy you hated and he is taking you to Canlis? Do you know how hard it is to get a table at that place Ana?"

"Uhm no…I don't actually…"

"Ana, Canlis is ranked one of the top 20 restaurants in America by _Gourmet Magazine."_

"God Kate…I need a dress. I don't have anything to wear." Kate is motionless staring at me. She then blinks her eyes a few times and places her knife and fork next to her plate.

"We are going shopping now! God Steele…" She says exasperated.

"But we need to eat…" I whine.

"We will eat later, we have more important things to do right now…like buying you a new dress and some killer shoes…" Kate has already put on her coat. "What are you waiting for Steele…chop chop!"

"Where are we going Kate?" I can barely keep up with her. _Kate is on a mission._

"A little boutique. I go there all the time and I just know that they have the perfect dress for you…"

Suddenly she turns around and takes my braid in her hand and gives it a gently tug. "We need to do something about your hair to…" _Oh shit…_

"So you forgave him?"

"No, I didn't forgive him. There are a lot of things we still need to work out. I can't forget what he did to me Kate." _She surely understands that?_

"I think you have a real problem on your hands Steele." My best friend says smugly. When I just raise my eyebrows at her she shrugs casually. "You are too stubborn to forgive his past mistakes, and you are to in love to move on…"

I don't respond to Kate's comment but simply follow her to the boutique. Kate was right. They had the perfect dress for me. It's finally managed to avoid an appointment with a hairdresser, however I had to promise her that she could do my hair.

* * *

"You have been awfully quiet Steele…" She brings an olive to her mouth while her green eyes keep focused on mine.

I shrug and stare at the glass of wine in my hands. "Do you think that I will be able to forgive Christian?"

"I don't know Steele…I don't what drove him to break up with you in the first place…but I guess that since you agreed on going on a date with him it means you have made a choice, albeit unknowingly, to give him a chance…in every relationship missteps are part of the deal. The fallout sucks for both parties though. It is up to you if you want to remain bitter, or that you can forgive him and move forward."

"How do you get so wise Kate?"

"My parents…" She whispers. "I have seen what revenge does to a person. To inflict pain on the person who hurt you…an eye for an eye will only prolong the hurt."

"I am sorry Kate…"

"It is okay Steele." She smiles sadly. "After my mom found out that my dad had been unfaithful to her…" She shakes her head. "You have seen my mom…she wanted to take revenge and she is now bitter, alone and she is still hurting…" Kate blinks her eyes a couple of times and takes a deep breath.

"Look I am not saying that you should forgive him just for the sake of it. If you don't mean it, don't forgive him…follow your heart Ana…"

 _Follow your heart Ana_ …but what if my heart is in a million pieces? What part do I follow?


	12. Chapter 12 - Second chances

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 12 – Second chances**

 **Anastasia**

"God, these sandwiches are too die for…" Kate closes her eyes as she savors the little sandwiches Mathilda just made.

"They certainly are…" I say taking a sip of the wine.

"I am glad I could help you girls out." Mathilda says smiling. "And you my dear Ana need to do some grocery shopping…" She says sternly. _She is right._

"That dress is really something else." Mathilda says looking at my dress that is hanging at the door. "And those shoes…" She sighs and smiles at me. "What I wouldn't give to be able to walk in shoes like that again."

"He is taking her to Canlis." Kate says.

"Very impressive. I knew the guy had style." Mathilda muses. "And his bum…"

"Mathilda!" I whine.

"Ana…I might be old, but I am certainly not blind or dead for that matter…" Her eyes blink with mischief and then she winks.

"She needs sexy lingerie though with that dress…" Mathilda says looking at Kate.

"Oh, but she has very sexy lingerie Mathilda."

"She is sitting right here you know!" I quip. Both woman just wave their hands in the air dismissing me. _Whatever._

"Go shower Ana…" Kate says. "And please don't frighten me like the last time okay?"

"Just give me some privacy." I say staring at her before disappearing into her hallway.

When I emerge from the bathroom both women are sitting on my bed. The wine and the sandwiches loaded on a tray. _They made it themselves comfortable._

"Couldn't you wait in the living room?" I say and tighten my bathrobe closer around my body.

"No…we really couldn't. We even picked out some sexy lingerie for you…" Mathilda motions with her head to a chair and smiles.

"When that hottie sees you in that…you are definitely going to knock him on his ass…"

"Maybe, but he isn't going to see it." I reply casually. "So I might as well wear my granny panties…" I deadpan.

Kate snorts and squints her eyes at me. "Ana Steele, you can't wear a dress like that with granny panties." Kate huffs and pushes of the bed. "Now put this one so we can get your hair fixed."

"You picked this one?" I say disbelievingly. "I have never wore it before…I was saving it for a special occasion!"

"Really? A special occasion? Like when…oh maybe for your hot date with Mr. Buzz?" Kate saunters to my nightstand opens the drawer and picks out my vibrator and holds it in the air. _Mortification._ _Oh my God, please kill me now._

"Oh my god Kate…I can't believe you just did that!" She looks smugly at Mathilda, but Mathilda looks embarrassed too. "Get dressed Steele…"

"I am so getting you back for this Kate Kavanagh." I hiss at her and yank the vibrator from her hands. I throw it back in the drawer and close it. "Think bachelorette party and you dressed as a giant penis!"

"You wouldn't!" Kate says crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh you just wait and see Ms. Kavanagh…"

"Oh lovely…" Mathilda gushes. "I want to be present when you make Kate dress up like a giant penis…"

* * *

"You are hurting me Kate!" I hiss and yank my head forward. "That hair is attached to my head you know!"

"Stop whining for just one second Steele!" She hisses back and pulls at my hair.

"Thank the Lord, you are not a hairdresser dear." Mathilda says and gently pushes Kate out of the way. "You would run out of clients in a heartbeat." Relief floods through me as Kate's hands limply fall against her sides. _Jesus that was pure torture._

"Now what is it that you want to do with your hair?" Mathilda looks at me through the mirror and smiles.

"A bun…"

"Christian loves it when Ana wears her hair loose…" Kate says glaring at me through the mirror.

"He does?" Mathilda says looking surprised at Kate.

"Ugh, you should have seen them when they were still together. He couldn't stop touching her hair…"

"Oh that is so sweet…"

"Why are you team Christian all of a sudden Kate?"

"I am never going to be team Christian. In case you forgot, I hate the guy…I am team Ana. I just want Ana to be happy again."

"What are you afraid of Ana?" Mathilda says and when I look at her face I want to burst out in tears.

"I am afraid of getting hurt again…"

"Listen to me…" With her hands firmly placed on my shoulders she looks at me through the mirror.

"We know that he broke your heart five years ago Ana. Over time you began to pick up all those little pieces and mend it back together." She holds her finger in the air silencing me when I try to speak.

"I know that your heart if different know…it is maybe a bit scarred…but that doesn't mean that you can't love anymore. You just love differently. We are not saying that you have to drop those walls you so steadily built around your heart when he gives you that pantie-melting smile either."

"Then what is it what you are exactly saying?"

"That you have the ability to love dear. Don't let it go to waste. Let him in, open your heart and I know that when you fall in love with him again…it will be big."

"Relationships are built on trust Mathilda and sometimes that trust is shattered." I whisper unable to look at her.

"Don't hold back because you're scared. You might miss the chance of a lifetime." Mathilda squeezes my shoulders and smiles at me.

"Good, now Kate give me that hairbrush and let us see what we can do with your hair." Mathilda seems to think for a while her fingers massaging my skull. _This is heavenly…_

* * *

"Wow…" I say clearing my throat. I am standing in front of the full-length mirror looking at my own reflection. _I look like a completely different person._

"You look beautiful Ana…" Kate says who has been quiet since Mathilda took the brush away from her.

"Kate is right Ana…" Mathilda gushes. "This dress is simply perfect. I love the combination of both fabrics."

"I like your hair too Ana…" Kate says softly. "You are going to take Grey's breath away, I am sure…"

We suddenly hear the doorbell. Oh God, there he is. "Kate open the door dear and be nice…" Mathilda says without looking at her.

"That girl is a piece of work Ana…" Mathilda say the moment Kate leaves the room. "You need to get her straight real soon, or I will…"

"Yeah, I will talk to her tomorrow…"

"Good. Now listen to me sweet girl. When you step out of this apartment and go on that date with that good-looking man you need to stop thinking and just go where your heart takes you…" _Follow your heart Steele..._

* * *

"You look absolutely stunning." Christian says as he guides me towards his black, shiny sports car.

"Thank you…" I manage to say without stuttering. "You look very handsome as well." And he does. Christian is wearing a black suit with a crisp white shirt and from the looks of it a very expensive tie. His hair is still a little damp from the shower. He wears it like always. Messy and incredibly sexy.

Arriving at his car he hold the door open for me. As elegantly as possible I slide into the passenger seat of the very low-slung car. The moment Christian closes the door behind me I busy myself with the seatbelt. It turns out to be quite the challenge since my hands are shaking. At the same time I am struggling with the damned seatbelt, I use the opportunity to watch Christian as he crosses the front of the car. His strides are confident and unhurried. _Isn't he nervous? He should be._ Before I know it Christian is sitting behind the wheel and the engine is purring. From the corner of my eye is watch him buckling himself in, but I keep my eyes on my hands folded in my lap. _Don't twitch Steele._

The drive to the restaurant is enjoyable. Christian tells me that Mia will be arriving in Seattle next week and the she will be staying for the duration of one week. I vaguely remember Kate telling me this while she was rambling on and on about the wedding. From what I remember, Mia is coming to Seattle for the fitting of the bridesmaid dress and for Carrick's birthday. _I wonder if Christian is going._

As Christian drives up to the front of the restaurant, we are immediately greeted by the valet.

I don't know what I was expecting, but it is spectacular. The walls are lined with warm wood and there are giant stone columns. I feel little sparks floating through my body as Christian hand rests on my lower back.

We stop by the hostess who is standing by a beautiful fireplace. Instead of being led to the waiting area we are immediately guided to our table. We are seated at a corner table with the most amazing view of the waterfront.

"It is beautiful here Christian." I say as I look at the view.

"It certainly is…" He says but doesn't take his eyes off me.

"She knew that we talked…" He says know and he sounds unsure of himself.

"Hmm, who do you mean?"

"Mia…when I talked to Mia she was able to tell me that you were back in Seattle and that you were helping my parents…"

"Oh, who told her?"

"My mother I presume…or my brother. Who knows?" He shakes his head exasperated and sighs. "I swear to God, my brother is sometimes worse than a woman…" That makes me giggle, because even though Elliot is a total man whore, or better said, he was a total man whore, he likes to gossip.

Christian stills his movement and stares at me with his head cocked to one side.

"What?" I whisper.

"I missed that sound…your giggle…I always thought, before I met you, that giggling was annoying. Girls who giggled were attention seeking…that is until I heard you giggle…"

"You never told me that..."

"I guess I didn't…" He says. He motions with his head to the pink colored drink the waited brought just a few minutes ago. I eye it warily before bringing it to my lips.

"This is very tasteful…"

"You seem surprised." Christian laughs.

I just shrug. "I don't know…it looks so pink…"

"I thought you love pink…"

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, your apartment...your clothes…" Christian shrugs.

"I don't particularly love the color, like I said…I decorated the apartment based on that one photograph. You know, I might wake up one morning, look at the picture and decide to replace it, then I will probably paint my apartment too…"

"And what about your office?"

"My office is really small Christian, it is nothing compared to your company…" I feel myself blush.

"It is mostly functional. I have two spaces. One where I set up a small office and the other room is the studio…"

"I was thinking of redecorating my apartment too." Christian says.

"How long have you been living at Escala?"

"About two and a half years." He says after a while. "After I moved back to Seattle from Boston I stayed with my brother for a few months, but that just didn't work out very well." Christian looks uncomfortable as he shares this with me.

"Why didn't it work out?"

Christian nervously brushes his hands through his hair before looking at me again. His eyes are sad and full of pain. "The nightmares mostly…I mean we all know that Elliot always brought girls to his apartment. One night…I had this horrible nightmare and I scared the crap out of that girl…after that I noticed that he stopped bringing girls home…" Christian shrugs. "At that point started looking for a cheap apartment. I only lived there for six month and I was able to buy Escala."

"Who helped you decorate Escala?"

"I hired an interior designer. Why?"

"Because she did a shitty job…" Christian raises his eyebrows surprised and then he laughs. "And why is that Ms. Steele?"

"Because it is cold and lifeless…your apartment doesn't represent Christian Grey…except for your piano."

"Then help me…"

"Help you?"

"Yes, help me with my apartment. I would like some new art…you could help me with that too."

"Okay…I like that." And I really do.

The food is simply amazing. Everything is expertly prepared and cooked to perfection.

"So tell me a little about Ana the photographer."

"There is not much to tell I think. I love taking pictures. I love capturing certain moments in people's lives. Thanks to my work as a photographer, I met a lot of people. Some of them even became my friends. I have travelled a lot, I have been to places I never even dreamed of being and in the end I think I was lucky in being able to make my work out of my hobby. I don't think that there are a lot of people who can say that." I fumble with the napkin on my lap and force myself to look at Christian.

"Photography… is immersing myself in the beauty of what I see with my own eyes…it is about inspiring people."

"And then you did that assignment about homeless people?"

"You have seen it?"

Christian smiles proudly. "After I found out that you were a professional photographer I started to follow your work."

I clear my throat and process this little bit of information. "At first when a friend of mine approached me I was shocked. I didn't know that to think. But when he explained, I immediately became very excited. My dad wasn't thrilled though…"

"I can imagine." Christian says silently.

"Anyway, there are all these people out there, without steady housing, and we never really meet them. We see them every day in the subway or sitting on the street corner, sleeping on a bench somewhere in a park. But there are very few people who actually end op talking to them. We thought it would be interesting to find out what goes on in their lives, and what actually happened that they ended up on the streets. They have a story to be told and we wanted to tell it. We could be their voice."

"And you did an amazing job Ana. I have been following this and I read that after your article was posted, they started a homeless fund program and thanks to your photographs and the short interviews, they raised two hundred thousand dollars in one week and it motivated hundreds of people to volunteer."

"It wasn't only me Christian. I simply took the pictures." I rub my fore head with my fingers and swallow nervously.

"So you did this with a friend?" Christian asks.

"I think that I was living in New York for a few weeks when a friend photographer approached me. He was fascinated by the homeless people in New York. He asked me to help him. The more we discussed this, the more the story began to take shape in my mind. We didn't have a real plan, we just went and took the photographs. My friend posted this on his Instagram account and captioned each photo with a short interview or quote and a request to donate."

"And it worked." Christian states and he looks proud.

"Yes, I guess it did work. It was intense listening to their stories." I wrap my fingers around the stem of my wine glass and look at Christian.

"My friend Peter hated the fact that people judged the homeless. He said that we didn't know what it was having to grow up in their shoes. Many of these people had traumatic childhood experiences, drug addicted parents, beatings, abandonment. They weren't fortunate enough like most of us to have love and guidance. Most of them don't have a family to call for support."

"Are you still involved?"

"Not as I used to be. We volunteered when we had the time. But after Peter died and I left New York…" The words die in my throat.

"What happened to him?"

"He was hit by a car." I whisper.

The silence stretches. "Do you want to leave Ana?"

"No, it's okay. I just don't like to talk about it…" I take a deep breath and stare at the perfectly, white tablecloth.

"We just left a bar, we were celebrating that Adam was leaving for Canada to get married. Anyway, I got this stupid idea in my head and convinced Peter to join me. Initially he didn't want to…but Adam and I convinced him anyway. When we stepped out of the bar…I don't know everything happened at once and then I heard a car approaching and people were screaming. I didn't know what was happening until I heard Adam yell at me to run…but I just froze on the spot…before I had the chance to look someone pushed me away and on to the ground…When I opened my eyes again…"

"Ana, it is okay, you don't have to talk about it…" I feel Christian's warm hand covering mine and I briefly meet his eyes.

"Don't you see Christian? This was all my fault…it I hadn't pushed him we would have been sitting at that bar when the car drove by…"

"Ana, you can't blame yourself for what happened…you weren't the one driving the car…"

I shake my head a few time to shake away the memories. "His parents were devastated, I will never forget the look in their eyes when they were told that their son had passed away due to his injuries…he was only twenty seven years old Christian. His sister blames us though…she was incredibly mad at us."

"What about the asshole driving the car?" Christian growls. His hand is still covering mine and it feels good. Comforting.

"It was a woman driving the car…they don't know what happened…she probably lost control of the vehicle. She died on the spot."

"I'm sorry Ana…"

"It is okay Christian…thank you for listening." I say lamely.

His brows furrow. "Anytime…"

"Upcoming February is the first anniversary of his death. His parents asked Adam and me they asked whether we wanted to help to exhibit his work. And we agreed."

"Where is that exhibition taking place and when?"

"In New York. Peter was a born and raised New Yorker. The exhibit is planned one New Year's Eve… you can come if you want…I can get you tickets, the profits from the sales will go to different charities."

"I would love to go…"

"You don't have to feel pressured in going Christian. I can understand that you might have different plans for New Year's Eve…"

"The last five years I spend New Year's Eve working Ana. So I would love to go to New York. Thank you for inviting me."

* * *

"I would like to show you something." Christian says while we are waiting for the valet to bring Christian's car. His voice sounds thick with nerves.

"What do you want to show me?"

"Just trust me Ana…you are going to love it." _There is that word again...trust._

With ease and confidence Christian maneuvers the car through the streets of Seattle. Given that it is a weekday, and late at night, the usually busy roads are almost deserted. It is not long before we reach our destination. Kerry Park.

"Wait here"  
Christian steps out, walks around the car and opens my door. _So gentlemanly._ _And bossy._ Automatically I grip his outstretched hand. _Sparks_. Freaking sparks are swirling through my body.

With my hand firmly in Christian's we walk around the car and I watch Christian grabbing a blanket from the trunk. We make out way to one of the benches and we sit down with the amazing view of Seattle just in front of us.

"The view is breathtaking…I don't think I ever came here before."

"I did…and still do sometimes" Christian replies quietly. "I came here all the time to think. Mostly before I left for Harvard…"

"If I would have known that you were planning on taking me here, I would have brought my camera…"

"I have seen photographers here standing together, waiting for the sunset…"

"Well, it guess it offers the best view of Seattle. It shows the Space Needle, the Seattle skyline, Mt. Rainier and is that Bainbridge Island in the distance?" I point in the distance.

"Yes, that is Bainbridge Island. Ever been there?" Christian asks.

"No, never been there. I haven't even been in the Space Needle…" I say quietly.

"I will take you there soon…the view is amazing and so is the food."

"I understand why you would come up here to think…it is perfect." I muse. "In New York I used to escape to the roof. There was an enormous terrace on the building I lived in."

"Escape?" Christian asks and wraps the blanket tightly around us.

"Yes. Escape." I sigh. "Everything was so overwhelming. The city, the people…my job."

"Tell me about it." Christian asks and even though my eyes are still strained on the view I can feel him looking at me.

"When I arrived in New York, everything was overwhelming. I just got there and when I met Adam and Peter. They both worked for the same magazine and I guess we hit it off. They took me under their wings. They basically never left me alone. They were both very protective…"

I smile at the memory of the day I met Adam and Peter.

"Why are you smiling?" Christian asks.

"When I left the plane in New York my camera bag broke. It was an old camera bag that I had gotten and I hadn't had the time to buy a new one before I left from London. Anyway, I had a lot of luggage and I didn't want anything to happen to my equipment. So I ran into the first shop and bought the first bag I saw and the cheapest….a Strawberry Shortcake bag. So when I arrived at the apartment, Adam was there. At first glance I thought he was a bit scary. Adam is tall and has his body covered in tattoos. His hair at the time was long and he use to wear it on a bun on the top of his head. Anyway, I entered the apartment and he just looked at me and then his eyes went to my bag pack. He smiled and introduced himself. When I introduced myself as Ana, he said that the name was too plain, too boring. He said he preferred Shortcake. So that is how he continued to call me."

"Shortcake?" Christian laughs. "It suites you…"

"I forbade them to call me that in public…and most of the time they managed to do that…"

"So you spend a lot of time with Peter and Adam?" There is an undercurrent in Christian's voice, but I decide to ignore it.

"I did spend a lot of time with them I guess."

"Where you…involved with one of them?"

"No, I wasn't…hanging out with Adam and Peter was like when I hang out with Elliot or Ethan…like I said, both of them were extremely protective."

"Has there been anyone else?"

"You mean in those five years that we were apart Christian?" I snap. I immediately regret it though.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you…"

"No, it is okay…it is none of my business…"

"It isn't, you are right. But to answer your question, yes I dated a few guys and no none of them were serious enough…" At one point while living in New York I even attempted to have sex with some guy I met in a bar. I was drunk, he was drunk… It was awful, and I cried after he left…but I am not ready to share that with him yet. Maybe not ever.

"I see…" Christian's lips are set in a firm line, his brows furrowed and his jaw is ticking.

"Christian, you broke up with me. You told me that you had fallen in love with someone else. What did you expect me to do?"

I am met with silence.

His silence infuriates me immensely. For five years, I have been trying to mend my broken heart. Forget the man that changed me. I try to quieten my anger for the last five years by completely emerging myself in my work. I tried to make something of my future and I succeeded. I really thought that I had learned to let him go as time passed. Now I am not so sure anymore. Sure I still love him…but am I _in love_ with Christian? I don't think so.

The moment Christian threw me out of his apartment five years ago, forever changed me. I changed and it changed everything I thought I knew about myself or the world for that matter. Maybe Mathilda was wrong. Maybe going out to dinner with Christian was pointless and stupid.

"Maybe you should take me home Christian…"

"Why?" He says hoarsely. And even in the dark I can see his eyes widen with fear.

"Because you are mad at me…mad for something I did while we weren't even together."

"I am not mad at you Anastasia…" He says cutting me off. "I am mad at myself…"

"What are we doing anyway Christian?" I whisper and the tears are threatening to fall.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…what are we doing here? What are we doing to each other? Five years have passed Christian…five fucking long years…"

 **Christian**

This is not going like I envisioned it would go. The evening started out perfect, well except for the little part where Kate fucking Kavanagh was glaring at me when I picked up Ana at her apartment.

I thought it would be a good idea to bring Ana to Kerry Park. And then I had to ask her about her dating other guys. Of course she dated and I can't even blame her, because she is right. I made her believe that I was in love with someone else. I am not mad at her though, I wasn't lying when I said that I was mad at myself. The idea of Ana with another man is horrible. She kissed someone else…she touched someone else and they touched her.

But then I think of what my mom told me this afternoon when I had lunch with her. _When two people really care about each other, they always find a way back to make it work, no matter how hard it is…_

The big question is; does Ana even want to make this work? Does she still even care about me?

"Can I ask you something Ana?"

"Sure…"

"Do you even care about me?"

"Of course I do…" She says without hesitating.

"Then please give me that second chance, let me proof to you that I am still that guy you fell in love with all that time ago…"

"But you are not that same guy anymore Christian, don't you understand? And I am not that same girl anymore either. Look there are still a lot of things I haven't told you yet. You might not even want me after you find out…"

"Ana, from the first day I saw you, you flipped my world upside down. When you looked at me with those eyes, I just knew that you were the one. I fought it so hard, because I didn't want to fall in love…I didn't do love…I didn't even know I could love someone so deeply…but then you looked up and smiled and holy shit…there was no turning back."

"But what if this doesn't work out?" She says.

"But what if it does?" She is looking at me with such an intensity that it scares me. Her bottom lip is trembling, tears are gathering in her eyes.

"Okay…but please don't hurt me again Christian."

"I promise I won't hurt you Ana…"

 **Anastasia**

"Thank you for the wonderful evening Christian." Christian just stares at me and he is doing that thing with his eyes again. Like he is picturing me naked.

"You are very welcome…" He smiles. He is standing very close to me. So close in fact, that I can smell his cologne.

"Would you like to come in?" I stammer. I fidget with the keys in my hands and look everywhere but at him.

"Anastasia, I am going to kiss you know…"

Before I even have the chance to blink my eyes Christian's lips are on my jaw, tracing the line of my ear to my collarbone. His lips feel so warm against my skin. Then his lips are on mine.

He has one hand behind my neck holding me still. His other hand is low on my hip, dangerously close to my ass.

My heart stops beating for a moment, and then it is racing, pounding against my chest. I am clutching my keys, my arm is trapped in between our bodies and across his chest. The moment his tongue dips into my mouth he groans. It is absolutely the sexiest thing I have ever heard.

"God, I missed this…" He says when he breaks away. It takes a few seconds for the words to register though. I open my eyes and blink.

"Kiss me again…" I whisper.

Christian smiles and presses his lips against my forehead. "If I kiss you again, I won't be able to stop Anastasia…and you are not ready for that…" Tenderly he tucks a tendril of hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead again.

"I will call you tomorrow…go inside and close the door. I won't leave until I hear you close that door…" Reluctantly he takes a step back to give me space.

I finally manage to open my door with trembling hands. "Sweet dreams beautiful…" He says and turns around to walk away.

Five minutes later I am still leaning against the door. I run a finger over my bottom lip and remember that kiss. It was the perfect kiss. The moment our lips touched was perfect, all consuming, earth shattering, epic…it felt like coming home.

The kiss was unexpected, but perfect nonetheless. And I know there is no going back anymore…

Now I need to find a way to protect my heart from getting broken again.

* * *

 **A/N.: Unfortunately my mother needs to be hospitalized again. I am not sure if I will be able to update like I normally do. The same applies for Wish. I hope you understand.**

 **Thank you.**


	13. Chapter 13 - One step forward…two steps

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 13 – One step forward…two steps back…**

 **Anastasia**

There is pounding at the door. Who the hell is pounding at the door? I carefully peek my eye open and look at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It is seven am what the hell?

Maybe if I just pretend there is no one there, the pounding will go away. _Magnificent idea._ I crawl deeper away under my covers and close my eyes.

"Ana! Open the door! I know you are in there!" Kate? What the hell is she doing here this early? And why doesn't she use her key?

"Ana!" _Jesus Christ._

"I am coming, I am coming…" I mutter as I make my way to the door. I quickly unlock the door and find a red faced Kate carrying a various bags in her hands.

"Good morning Steele…" She says as she saunters past me. _What the hell?_

"Good morning Kate. What are you doing here this freaking early and where the fuck are your keys?"

"I left my keys at home, but I brought you breakfast and I was curious about your date with Grey last night…" I immediately get that funny feeling in my stomach as I am reminded of my date with Christian. And that kiss…oh god that kiss. And his lips were even better then I remembered…

"Earth to Ana…" Kate snaps her fingers. She then turns around and starts making coffee.

"Kate why did you come so early?" I hop on one of the barstools and watch my best friend rummaging with the coffee maker.

"Because I have to be in the office by nine…and I called you a couple of times yesterday, but you never answered your phone…" She busies herself with the coffee and when she turns around to face me she sighs.

"I want to apologize…I behaved badly yesterday. It wasn't my intention to humiliate you Ana."

"You know…you happen to do that a lot." I say as I keep my eyes on her.

"I know…" She whispers. "And you have to believe me when I tell you that I do it with your best interest at heart Ana…I just want you to be happy."

"How would you feel if I would constantly overrule your thoughts and feelings Kate?"

"I don't know…" She whispers.

"No, you can't know because that is something I would never do. I respect you and the choices you make Kate…" _Shit, it is too freaking early to have a conversation like this._

"Sorry Banana…"

I wave my hand in the air dismissively. First because it is really too damn early to have a conversation like this and second because I am sure as hell going to let her walk dressed as a giant penis.

"And another thing…" I say. "Leave Christian alone Kate…your behavior towards him is getting old and frankly it is childish."

Her hand holding the cup of coffee freezes midair. Kate blinks a few times and then opens and closes her mouth. She finally puts the cup back on the counter and stares at me.

"But he is bossy Ana…and rude…"

"I don't care…"

"And you should see how he behaves at the Grey's. He gives his father clipped answers…" She stares at me as if she is trying to solve a freaking puzzle.

"How Christian behaves at the Grey's is none of your business. As for him being bossy…" I snort. "So are you. I mean it Kate no more glaring, no more snarky remarks…"

"So, I guess the date went well last night?"

"It did. The food was delicious."

"I don't want to hear about the food Steele…did something happen? Did you talk…oh my god did the kiss you?"

"We talked and I decided to give him another chance…" I shrug and suddenly I feel overwhelmed and a little bit panicked.

"But did you kiss?" She presses again. _Tenacious much?_

"Yes…" I whisper. "And it was perfect…"

"I knew it! I just knew it!" Kate walks around the counter and hugs me.

"Did he use his tongue?"

"Really Kate? What are we twelve?" I push her away and focus back on the bags with breakfast on the kitchen counter.

"What did you bring?"

"Muffins…"

"Chocolate?" _Please let it be chocolate._

"Chocolate chip Steele…your favorite…"Reaching for the bag she opens it and pulls the muffins out and sets them on a plate. "I know that you prefer donuts, but they only had those pink ones…" I scrunch my nose. _Nah, don't like the pink ones._

"Good, now tell me did he use his tongue…" Kate giggles and takes a huge bite of her muffin.

* * *

I am standing holding the door handle in my hand, ready to start my day, when a soft knock on the door startles me.

"Yes, who is there?"

"Delivery for Ms. Steele…" A deep man's voice comes through the door.

"Yes…" I open the door and find Christian's security guy standing in the hallway with a rectangular package in his hands.

"Good morning…Taylor isn't it?"

"Good morning ma'am…" He nods stiffly and hands me the package in his hands. His stance reminds me of Ray.

"Mr. Grey asked me to give you this."

"How is he?" I blurt out.

"Mr. Grey is doing fine Ms. Steele…" He smiles briefly, but it is going before I can even register it. I stare from the package in my hands to Taylor a few times when he takes a step back.

"Have a nice day Ms. Steele…"

"You too…" I say, but I don't think he has heard me. After I close the door I let my camera bag slip from my shoulder and place it on the floor. As on automatic pilot I walk enthralled to the living room and sit down on the couch with the package on my lap. It is wrapped in a soft pink paper. No longer able to contain my curiosity is quickly unwrap the package. Inside is a white, leather case. I open the case and find an iPad. Why did he buy me an iPad? A white card falls on the floor when I pull the iPad from the leather case.

 _Dear Anastasia,_

 _I can't wait to kiss you again_

 _Christian X_

"Well, the feeling is mutual Christian" I whisper and brush my fingers over the expensive card. It is written in his handwriting…I recognize it immediately.

A sliver of excitement surges through me. The feeling familiar and scary at the same time. I place the card next to me on the couch and switch the iPad on. I gasp when I see the wallpaper image. It is an old picture of Christian and me taken in a photo booth.

Looking at the picture makes me giggle. I didn't even know he still kept this. A smile forms on my face as I trace our faces with my finger. We were so happy. It was Christian and Ana against the world. In the picture we are holding small blackboards with the text. _Ana and Christian forever._

With trembling hands I touch the green arrow on the bottom of the screen and smile again as I am confronted with another picture of us together. I didn't even know he had this picture. Elliot probably took it.

Smiling broadly I swipe my finger across the screen and several icons appear. My eyes are drawn to the music app. I softly touch it and a playlist appears on the screen. My heart starts beating faster as I see the song "A thousand miles" from Vanessa Carlton. God, I loved this song. Christian used to play it for me on the piano. The list of songs is endless. "I won't give up" by Jason Mraz, "Every time we touch"…we danced so many times on this song together…Catch & release from Matt Simons. He remembers. He asked me the other day what my favorite song was and I answered Catch & Release from Matt Simons. His favorite that day was Sex on fire by the Kings of Leon.

I can barely get the grin from my face as I get my phone and start typing him a message.

 _Thank you for the iPad. I love it. What is your favorite song of the day? Ana._ After a little debate with myself I decide to add a little smiley into it. A neutral one though. He probably even thinks they are silly and childish.

It doesn't take very long before I receive a message back.

 _I am glad you like it. I bought one for myself too. My favorite song today is "Happy". What is yours? Christian X._

With the phone clasped in my hands in contemplate my answer. Before I even have the chance to change my mind I quickly text him back.

 _Favorite song today is Try by Nelly Furtado. Ana X._

I am not really sure if that is my favorite song today, but I think that it is appropriate. I am really willing to try.

 **Christian**

I am sitting in a boardroom full of people, discussing a very important acquisition and I am grinning like a loon. Believe me, the guys I am sitting with are not funny at all…the reason for the grin on my face has everything to do with the text message Ana just send me. I knew she had received the iPad since Taylor notified me, but I didn't know what her reaction had been. Because with Ana, you just never know. I also wonder what she thought of the pictures and the songs and all the other apps I downloaded for her. _She probably rolled her eyes and thought to herself that it was way over the top._

Yesterday at Kerry Park when she finally agreed on giving me a second chance was something I wasn't expecting. Especially not after I asked her if she had been with other guys. Admittedly, it was a stupid question and at the wrong moment. However, I just needed to know. Then I brought her back home and I just couldn't contain myself anymore. She was nervous, she was rambling and I could only stare at those perfect, plump lips. I had to kiss her. And when our lips met I was just like fucking fireworks in my head. When I broke up the kiss and she looked at me through her eyelashes, her lips puffy from the kiss and her cheeks flushed and she asked me to kiss her again…well I needed all the fucking self-control. Because I wanted nothing more than to slam her against the door and have my way with her. But I couldn't. It is way too soon and I know she isn't ready.

When we have sex I want it to be special and a quick fuck against her door is certainly not what I call special. Besides I think she would have probably regretted it. She asked me to go slow and that is what I am going to do, no matter how hard it is. However I can't help but think if that kiss was as wonderful for her as it was for me, because I want to kiss her more.

That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready though. And my dick was certainly ready too. When my lips touched Ana's, little Grey jumped at attention and was happy as shit. Happy would be an understatement at this point. He was more like, ecstatic. He remained happy for the remainder of my drive home. There was nothing that could bring him down, well maybe that cold shower did, but the little fucker jumped up immediately when my mind wandered back to that fantastic kiss.

I shift discreetly in my chair. The voices in the room are still a blurred mess. I hear Ros, who is sitting at my right side, scraping her throat. _Scrape away Rosalyn_. Instead I focus my attention solely on my phone. Another message from Ana.

 _Favorite song today is Try by Nelly Furtado. Ana X._

I chuckle as I see the little X. I love the little smileys she adds to. I just fucking love them. However, this little X mean a kiss. Does it mean she enjoyed the kiss just as much as I did? _It has to be!_

Try, by Nelly Furtado. The lyrics don't come to mind immediately and fuck if I am not curious.

I look up from my phone and see everyone staring at me.

"What?" I bark. This earns me an eye roll from Ros. _But what the fuck is going on here?_

"I think it is time for a short break." Ros says without looking at me. The rest of the suits close their laptops and leave the room.

"What the fuck was that all about Ros?"

"You have been staring at your stupid iPhone for the last thirty minutes…" She lifts up her eyebrow and waits for my respond.

"So?"

"So, are you going to tell me what is going one then?"

"Do you happen to know the lyrics of the song Try by Nelly Furtado?" I hear myself say. Ros' eyes widen and then a smirk takes over her face.

"You are in love…" She says slamming her hand on the conference table. "Christian Grey finally decided to pull his head out of his ass."

I roll my eyes but I don't deny it. Because there is nothing to deny. I am in love. I am head over heels in love with Anastasia Rose Steele.

"So that is why you were looking like a love sick puppy at your phone, while the rest of us was discussing a three million dollar deal…" She continues. "Do I know her?" She probes.

"No you don't."

"What is her name and how does she look like? Is she pretty?"

"Her name is Anastasia Steele, but she prefers to be called Ana. She is petit…a brunette with the biggest and bluest eyes I have ever seen…and she isn't pretty…she is breathtaking."

"Fuck boss, you have it bad…"

"What about those lyrics Bailey?"

"I can't believe I am doing this…" She mutters but types something on her laptop until we hear Nelly Furtado's Try coming out of the speakers.

 _Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try  
Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try_

"Well this is some serious shit boss…" I don't hear what she is saying though, because all I can think about is that Ana is willing to try.

But what is it that she wants to try? What is it that we are doing? She wants to give me a second chance…but a second chance to what? Does that mean that she wants to be my girlfriend again or does it mean that she is willing to entertain that idea? If it where up to me I put that ring back on her finger and marry her tomorrow…however I think that I would be rushing things. _Yeah, definitely rushing things_ … _Step by step Grey…fucking focus._

When I look up again I notice that Ros has left the room too. Without giving it another thought I call Ana. The call immediately goes to voicemail.

" _Hi you have reached Ana…please leave a message…"_

"Hello Anastasia…it is me…Christian…" _Fucker she knows it is you._ "Look can you call me back?" _I love you…_ I decide to quickly end the call before I make a bigger fool out of myself.

The afternoon passes by slowly, without a word from Ana. I am not only worried, but also angry. Is this how it will go? Fuck where is she? She knows that I worry when she doesn't pick up her phone immediately…is she doing this on purpose? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I have left her numerous voicemails and send her more than a dozen text messages. _Where the fuck is she?_

"Taylor!" I bellow.

"Sir…" It takes Taylor a few seconds to enter my office.

"Find out where Ms. Steele is." He blinks a couple of times and jumps into action. "I will be right on it Sir."

 **Anastasia**

"So you think my portfolio is good enough?" Clark the young and very good looking model asks me.

"I am sure Clark. As a freelance model you have a variety of different types of photos and that is what they are looking for. Your portfolio is very impressive Clark. You just have to be realistic from the very beginning of your career. Ask yourself what type of modeling is best suited for you."

He nods and hold out his hand to shake it. "Thank you again Ana…I appreciate it."

"No problem." I reply. "Come let me walk you out."

When we reach the door he turns around and smiles. "Good luck in New York. I will give the model agency a call and tell them they can be expecting you." I tell him.

From the corner of my eye is see a black car approaching the building. I don't pay it much attention, but focus on Clark in front of me. He suddenly surprises me when he wraps his arms around me and hugs me. A little startled by his forwardness I awkwardly pat his back and take a step back.

"Bye Ana…"

As I watch him walking away, ready and eager to start his new life in New York I cannot stop hoping that all the craziness that comes with being a model doesn't throw him over the edge. I hope he gets a solid group of friends that can keep him grounded. However, what they don't know is how difficult it really is, especially for the younger models. Most of them have to deal with eating disorder, racist clients, sexual harassment and it can be extremely lonely. I know from personal experience how easy it is to get wrapped up in the world of glitter and glamour.

I look at my watch and decide to end the day. The idea of going home, soak in a hot bath and indulge in a pint of ice cream is very pleasant prospect to be spending my evening. But before I can turn around I hear a low growl.

"Who is that boy?" My head snaps in the direction of the very recognizable voice. _Christian._

"How long have you been standing here?" I ask and look in the direction to where Clark disappeared in.

"That doesn't matter Anastasia. I asked you a question."

"He is a client." I reply confused. _What is he doing here?_

"You always let clients hug you?" He says through gritted teeth. I really want to come back with a smart ass remark, but something in his eyes tells me not to.

"No, I don't. He was thanking me that's all. He is leaving for New York in a few days and I helped him with his portfolio."

"But his hands where all over you…" Shit the way he is clenching his jaw I predict a trip to the dentist very soon due to a chipped tooth.

"Come on. I want to go home. I need to get my stuff and lock up." I take a step inside and look over my shoulder. Christian is standing in the same spot looking at me open-mouthed.

"What?" I ask.

"What? That's it? You are not going to argue with me? Call me jealous?" He says looking confused. _Oh, this is going to be fun._

"Are you jealous?" I lean my shoulder against the door and cross my arms in front of my chest.

His gray eyes dart from my eyes to my mouth and I suddenly feel overwhelmed by his presence. Is he going to kiss me again? Something passes his eyes as he leans forward. I can clearly feel his breath against my ear. "You aren't by any chance mocking me right Ms. Steele?" He asks. His lips graze against my ear and I feel the goosebumps all over my body. Lamely I shake my head and even though I can't see him, I just know he is smiling.

"Good" He says. The intensity has left his voice as he takes a step back. "After you Ms. Steele." He says motioning with his hand towards the entrance.

"How did you know where I was?" I ask looking behind me as we climb the stairs to my studio.

"I had Taylor track your phone down…" He says as if it is the most normal thing in the world.

"You did what?" I stop and turn around. We are now the same height and I am briefly stunned by the intensity in his eyes.

"You heard me…" His eyes go to my lips again and then back to my eyes.

"Stalker." I mutter. Christian isn't impressed and shrugs it off. "Come on woman, show me where you work."

"I will be ready in a minute. I need to pack my things and close up." I say as we enter my studio.

I feel myself getting nervous when I see Christian standing in the narrow hallway. After a brief hesitation he walks behind me into my little office. I point to a small chair. "Please have a seat, I will be ready in a minute." His eyes meet mine and as usual his face shows nothing. Instead of sitting down he walks to one of the walls and starts looking at the photos one by one.

"Why didn't you pick up the phone this afternoon?"

"I was working…"

"I called you and texted you and fuck Ana…I didn't know what was wrong. At least keep that damn phone with you." He says exasperated.

"I never have my phone with me when I am in the studio. Besides I was with a client Christian, how rude would it be if I started texting you while I was in a meeting?"

"I was worried…"

"I am a big girl Christian. I am sorry but I just didn't see your messages…" He sighs and turns his attention back to the pictures on the wall.

"You made all these?" He says after a while.

"Yes, of course I did…"

"They are perfect…" He whispers. "I want to hire you to shoot images for GEH." He turns on his heels and pins his stare on me.

"Oh okay…for the executive floor you mean?"

He looks confused for a moment, but then shakes his head. "No, I mean for all the floors."

"What do you have in mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"What kind of photos do you want? Landscapes, people, nature…and we need to discuss the timetable and budget."

"There is no budget." He replies immediately. _No budget? He has got to be kidding._

"Christian, the costs can mount up considerably."

"No budget Anastasia. I don't care about the costs. I leave the creative part up to you…as long as you are the one who takes the photographs."

"And the timetable?"

"When are you leaving for Russia?"

"How do you know I am going to Russia?" I ask.

He looks uncomfortable for a moment and sighs. "It was Kate wasn't it. Kate told you about Russia."

"Yes."

"I am going to strangle her…now I will definitely let her wear a giant penis costume…"

Christian's eyebrows rise as I mention the penis costume. "Can you elaborate on the giant penis costume?" He says amused. _Not freaking funny Grey!_

"Long story…and a boring one…" I add quickly. _I had every reason not to tell her about New York and the aftermath._

"What was that?" Christian says and the amusement is gone from his face. It is now replaced by worry.

"What was what?" _Oh god, I didn't say that out loud did I?_

"You just said, I had every reason not to tell her about New York and the aftermath…" He sits down on the chair and crosses his legs. "You never told me about the aftermath."

"It is not important Christian." I say weakly.

"To me it is Anastasia, because if we want this…" he motions with his finger between the two of us. "To work out, we need to be honest right? No more secrets. The truth."

"What is this between us?" I ask.

" _We_ …Ana, as in _us_ …Ana and Christian." The scowl is back on his face. "Don't you see a _we_ Ana? An _us_?"

"I don't know…" I blurt out.

"What?"  
"I said I don't know…"

"Don't you want an us Ana?"

"I do…" I say softly and look at him again. I don't think he heard me though.

"Because I do see a we…I as fuck see an us…if you think that I am letting you go again then you are mistaken…I am not letting you go again Ana. I will give you all the fucking space you need. We do this at your pace, but we are going to do this."

"I said that I want that too…" I say.

He blinks and in seconds the harshness disappears from his face to be replaced by a smile. Taking my face between his hands he forces me to look at him. "What does that make us?" He says hesitantly.

"It makes us Christian and Ana…" I reply and I hope he is okay with that for now. I don't want to put a label on this yet.

"Christian and Ana…I settle for that." His eyes go to my mouth and then back to my eyes.

"Anastasia I am going to kiss you again…"

This kiss is totally different than yesterdays. Whereas yesterday's kiss was gentle and sweet. This kiss is passionate and raw. It seems like Christian wants to pour all his feeling into this kiss. Regret, happiness and hope. And it is fucking perfect.

When Christian breaks the kiss we are both out of breath. He rests his forehead against mine and chuckles. "This is going to be the worst case of blue balls ever…"

"You'll survive." I giggle and playfully hit his chest. He grunts something under his breath and releases his hold on me.

"Now back to what you wanted to tell me; what happened in New York Ana? Playful Christian has left the building and has been replaced by his serious brother.

I clear my throat, close my laptop and place it in the bag. I do everything as slowly as possible to prolong this conversation.

"Tell me Ana…" Somehow Christian has moved from his chair and is now kneeling in front of me without me even noticing it. His warm hand engulfing mine.

"When the accident happened I was hit by a piece of glass…I hadn't noticed it at first." I shake my head and take a deep breath.

"When the adrenaline wore off I felt a sting in my stomach…anyway, Adam panicked and then everyone panicked. There was still a piece of glass and they had to remove it surgically." I lift my face and look at Christian's sad face. I try to give him a smile.

"When I woke up, my mom was there. She was crying and laughing…I remember that I was so confused. Anyway I was released from the hospital in time to go to Peter's funeral. After the funeral I went with my mom to Georgia and stayed there for a few weeks to recover from the surgery. My mom travelled back with me to New York where I had the stiches removed. She then left after a few days." I bite my lip and struggle with the next part I need to tell Christian. _Shit he is going to be so mad._

"Ana…"

"Yeah, just me give me minute okay?" Nervously I start fidgeting with Christian's cufflinks until I feel his finger under my chin. "Talk to me Ana."

"Promise me you won't get mad." Because I just know that he is going to be furious.

"Come on Ana tell me." He kisses my forehead and leans back to look at me.

"After I got back in New York everything was different. Adam was in Canada, Peter was…gone…" I shrug. "I felt a little lost and I started hanging out with the models again. I went to parties…and I started using party drugs." My confession hangs in the air for seconds until I hear a deep, angered growl.

"You did what?" Christian is whispering but the chill in his voice is scary. His face is red and there is a vein in his neck that is looking quite scary.

"You promised…"

"I didn't promise you a fucking thing Ana! You know goddamned well how I feel and think about drugs!" Rising to his feet he turns around and starts pacing the small room.

"How the fuck could you do that? What are you stupid?" He bellows.

"Don't call…"  
Again he cuts me off. "What kind of drugs Ana?"

Unable to look at him I look at my hands and start playing with my silver ring. "Ecstasy, mushrooms and some sort of dried leaves…I think they called them minty leaves."

"Fuck!" Christian slams his hands on my desk and just stares at me.

"One time it just got a little out of control…I mixed alcohol with ecstasy and I ended up in the hospital."

Silence. _Please say something. Anything._

When I finally find the strength to look up at Christian I immediately regret it. His face is a mix of hurt, anger and disappointment.

"Please say something Christian." I whisper and wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand.

"Say something? You want me to say something?" He yells. "I will say something…" He pushes himself from the desk to his full height and shakes his head.

"You know how destructive drugs is Ana. Drug abuse hurts the people who take the drugs and the people around them, including families and kids. Kids Ana!"

"I know…"

"You don't know shit Ana. Do you know how it is to see someone drugged out of his mind? Fuck!" He turns around facing the door and I just know he can't deal with this and I can't even blame him.

"I can't do this. I need time to think before I say things I regret." He says hoarsely. Without even a glance back he walks out of the door.


	14. Chapter 14 - Theodore

**Chapter 14 - Theodore**

 **Christian**

My office is unrecognizable. I left Ana's studio in a haze of anger and confusion. Ana did drugs. She partied and used drugs and it is all my fault. As I stepped out of her little office my heart was screaming at me to go back and hold her in my arms. Because I had meant everything I told her. I wanted that _we_ , I needed an _us_ …desperately even, but my pride, stubbornness and confusion kept me from doing that. Instead I drove back to Escala, headed straight into my office and threw anything I could get my hands on against the wall.

When Ana told me yesterday about her using drugs I completely lost my shit. At that moment it was for the best to walk away because the only thing I could see was my crack-whore mother lying lifeless on the dirty rug after having overdosed. She felt so fucking cold and I couldn't wake her up. Just like I had not been able to save Ella, I somehow drove Ana to the point to use drugs. If I had married her five years ago, nothing like this would have happened. We would have been living together, happy. I would have taken care of her.

"I need to be alone." I tell Taylor who is already waiting by the elevator.

"Sir…"

"Taylor…I need to do some things...alone. I will be back at GEH by noon." I dismiss him and walk into the elevator.

There is only one person, aside of Ana who can put my ass back into gear and that is Theodore Trevelyan.

* * *

"Come one in son…" My grandfather pats me on the back and steps aside to let me in. "To what do I owe the honor of my grandson visiting me this early in the morning?"

"I'm sorry." I say looking at the cuckoo-clock hanging in the massive living room. "I hadn't realized it was this early."

"It is okay son, you know I have always been an early riser. Have you even slept?"

I shake my head. "Not much."

"Nightmares?" He inquires.

"It is Ana…she is back in Seattle…"

"I know, your mother told me. I heard she is doing the photography for the magazine?"

"Yes, she is an amazing photographer. You should see her work."

"You talked to her then?"

"Yes, we talked and I explained everything to her. Everything." I look at my grandfather and he nods knowing exactly what everything means.

"What did she had to say?"

"She was shocked and mad maybe…but again she amazed me with how understanding she was about everything."

"That is amazing considering how you left her and what you made her believe." My grandfather's brown eyes bore into mine.

"She didn't forgave me." I mutter. "She agreed on giving me a second chance. She doesn't trust me Pops and I can't say I fucking blame her." I add.

My grandfather seems to think about what I said for a while. "I don't think that after five year of being apart forgiveness should be what you are looking for son. I think it is acceptation. She accepted your past…" He looks at me trying to figure out if I understand what he is saying. I nod.

"I fucked up again."

"Mr. Trevelyan your breakfast is ready." My grandfather's housekeeper says.

"Come on son, let's have breakfast and explain everything to me." I follow my grandfather to the kitchen where his housekeeper has even set a plate for me.

"Sit and eat" He points with his long, wrinkly finger to the seat and I obey immediately. No point in arguing with my grandfather. I think my mother gets her bossy streak from her father.

We eat in silence for a while until my grandfather decides to break the silence.

"What happened?"

"She told me yesterday that she did drugs. While living in New York a friend of hers died…I guess she lost control." Shoving my plate away from me I sag further in my seat. "I actually left before she had the chance to explain everything."

"What were your first thoughts when she told you that?"

"Ella…but that was immediately replaced by feeling responsible. I know that Ana isn't anything like her…and I know how lost you can get if you don't have people surrounding you to comfort you or guide you in the right direction."

"You feel responsible for what happened to Ana?"

"If I hadn't broken up with her five years ago…"

"Enough Christian…" The sternness in his voice makes me look up. "I am not saying you aren't responsible for your actions. But you were extremely young and so was she. I am only going to say this once, so listen carefully. You are not responsible for what Ana did. She was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time. But walking out on her well that is just plain stupid." _Christ, thanks Pops…way to make me feel better._

"So what are you going to do know?" He says.

"A sorry won't cut it…"

My grandfather laughs. "No I don't think a simple sorry would suffice this time."

"I don't know what to do Pops, I don't think she will forgive me for this. She asked me not to hurt her again and that is exactly what I did…I love her and I…"

"I suggest you go over to her and explain everything."

"She knows about…Ella. Ana knows everything."

"Then I am sure she will understand why you reacted the way you did. You have to go out of your way to show her how much you love her and I don't mean by buying her diamonds. True love is about gestures son…"

"I don't know how."

"Sure you do. You just have to figure it out. Now go pull your head together and I am sure you will come up with something. Make me proud Christian."

I am glad he has faith in me because I don't know how I can pull it of…or if I even can.

"Don't be a stranger son and be sure to bring your girl around some time. I would love to see her again."

I drive away and through the rearview mirror I see my grandfather getting smaller and smaller until he fades away in the distance. I don't feel like going to the office yet so I drive around until I reach a secluded wooded area. As I make my way out of the parking lot I walk straight into a small park. I take a seat on one of the wooden benches far away from the children that are playing with their mothers.

My mind goes constantly back to Ana. The determination on her face and yet I could see how vulnerable she felt. And I have no fucking clue whereas I can make her to forgive me this time.

I hear some movement next to me and I see this little, chubby kid taking the seat next to me. _Oh fuck…a kid. Where the hell is his mom?_

"Hi…" He says and throws me a toothless grin. I have no experience with kids but as I look closely to the little guy next to me I guess he is about eight or maybe nine years old.

"Hey…" _What the fuck is he doing here? Is he allowed to talk to strangers?_

"I am Theodore, but my mom likes to call me Ted or Teddy…I prefer Theodore…" He shrugs and his cheeks turn red.

"My grandfather's name is also Theodore." I hear myself say. _What the fuck Grey?_

"Is he smart?" He asks looking up at me.

"He is actually…he is very smart. He is a lawyer." _And he saved my ass more times than I can count._

"I am smart too…" He says confident. _Well okay then, now get moving._

"Don't you need to go to your mom?" I point towards the playing children and give him my sternest look.

"No…we came here because my little sister was being impossible…" He says casually and not even the slightest bit intimidated by my stare. _Fuck I am losing my touch here._

"Sisters can be that way. But don't you need to be at school then?"

He sighs and shakes his head. "No…I am getting an operation tomorrow." He points to his leg and looks back at me. "I have a prosthetic." He finishes matter of fact.

I just nod, because what else can I say?

"You all right?" He asks changing the topic. He clearly doesn't want to talk about himself. Can't say I blame him.

"Not really…I fu…I messed up…" I shrug and lean back against the wooden bench.

"A girl right?" He says wisely.

"Yeah a girl…"

"Is she pretty?"

"Hmm hmm… she is gorgeous."

"What is her name?" _Curious little fucker._

"Her name is Anastasia, but she prefers to be called Ana."

"I think I like Anastasia better…" He replies peering into the distance. A little girl waves at him and he waves back smiling.

"Is that your sister?"

"Yeah, she is only two. Sometimes she can be annoying, but she makes me smile."

"I have a little sister too…" _And she is also a huge pain in the ass…_

"So, what are you going to do with your girl?"

I snort. I wish she was my girl. I think that I blew up every chance I had with her when I let her walk away.

"I don't think there is much I can do…"

His scowls and for a moment he looks mad. "Sure there is…you just need a plan…"

"A plan huh?"

"Sure…"

"So tell me Theodore how do I get her to like me again?" I can't fucking believe I am having a conversation like this with a child. He seems distracted by something behind us and when I turn around I see Taylor approaching. What the fuck doesn't he understand about I need to be alone. _Jesus Christ._

"Is he with you?"

"Unfortunately …yes…"

"He looks scary…" He says eying Taylor up and down. "Is he your bodyguard or something?"

"Yup…"

"My dad is a navy seal…" He says now looking back at me. "He is badass…" He giggles. I can't help but smile back.

"I bet he is."

"I always wanted to be a navy seal too. But then I got sick and well I lost my leg…"

"What happened?"

"Meningitis…"

"I'm sorry man…"

He brushes it off with another shrug.

"So since you can't become a navy seal what is it that you want to do?"

"I don't know for sure, but my parents told me that I can be anything I want to as long as I want it bad enough…"

"They are right you know?"

"My mom says I am a good listener…so maybe I go study psychology." _Well, I have a little Doctor Flynn in the making sitting next to me._

"Okay…back to the plan to get your girl back."

"She is not really my girl Theodore…"

"But you want her to be your girl right?"

"More than anything…"

"Good, I am going to tell you something but it has to stay between us." He says now and he looks serious as shit.

"Of course…"

"Well we had a party at school a few weeks ago and there was this girl I was really into…" He stops briefly and a little smile appears on his face.

"What did you do?"

"Well first you need to know that dating is hard work." He says seriously. _Yeah, tell me about it._

"Okay…but let's say that she is standing in the same room…what do I do?"

"You start with relaxing, you do some breathing exercises. You breathe deeply through your nose and breathe out through your mouth again. Repeat this a few times." When I don't react he looks at me and raises his eyebrow.

"You got that?"

"Yup, breathing exercises…breathe in, breathe out. Got it…"

"Good. Next you walk up to her and tell her you are sorry and that she is the most beautiful girl in the world."

I frown. I wish it were that easy. "Theodore, we have to think big here. Anastasia is like extremely mad at me, probably disappointed too…I have to do better than sorry. I have to show her how much she means to me."

He nods thoughtfully staring at his little sister and mother in the distance.

"What is her favorite food?" He says after a few minutes.

"Donuts…and M&M's. But if she had to choose between the two of them definitely donuts."

He smiles big and claps his hands. "Then I have the perfect solution for you."

Enthusiastically he starts to explain what I have to do to get my girl back. And I like his idea. I really do. It could blow up in my face, but I don't think I have a lot to lose at this point.

"Be sure to always make her laugh." He says. "My dad says that it is super important to make her laugh."

"Okay, anymore advice?"

"My dad always says that it is okay to be scared, because when you are scared it means that you are going to do something really, really brave…"

"Oh I have to go…" He says pointing at his mom who is frantically waving at him.

"Theodore…here is my business card." Hesitantly he takes the card from me and stares at it. "There is my personal number and not many people have that. So if you need help someday, don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you…" He says and his voice sounds thick with emotion.

"And Theodore? I am convinced that you are going to become a terrific psychologist." He smiles brightly.

"Can I ask you something else Theodore?" He looks at his mom and then back at me. "Sure but you have to be quick…" He points with his thumb at his mother and rolls his eyes.

"What did you do to get the girl?"

"I walked up to her and I told her that she was the prettiest girl in school and then I gave her my last bubblegum…"

His bright smile is the last thing I see before I turn around to set my plan in motion. I need to win my girl back.

I walk to Taylor. "I am going to a bakery and then back to GEH. As soon as I have finished that meeting I am out to meet with Ms. Steele."

 **Anastasia**

I have no idea how long I sat in my office, staring at the closed door. I knew that Christian wasn't coming back, and I really couldn't blame him. I fucked up royally. Drugs for Christian is a hard limit. I know about his past. I know that he spent four days alone with his mother's body after she took an overdose. I knew about his fears. I somehow have to explain to him why I did what I did, but I also know that he needs time to process everything I told him.

When I returned back to New York everything was different. I have no excuse for the partying and the drugs though…it happened and I learned my lesson the hard way. I have never seen my mother so mad at me and disappointed. I guess that was the hardest part…seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

Home at last. I slip my camera bag from my shoulder and lock the door behind me. I walk in one straight line to the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I slide down to the floor and grab my phone from my back pocket when I hear footsteps.

"Ana is that you?"

"Mom?" Quickly I scramble back to my feet and watch in amazement as my mother is standing in my apartment.

"Hello sweetheart. I hope you don't mind but Mathilda let me in." She points with her hands towards the door and her smile fades from her face.

"Honey do you want me to leave?"

"No…no I really want you to stay…mom I missed you so much." I take the few steps to where my mom is standing and wrap her in a hug. When I bury my face in her neck and smell her scent I start to cry. Everything that happened the last few weeks has been too much. I just need to hear from her that everything is going to be all right, even if that isn't true. I simply need my mom.

"Anastasia, will you please tell me what is wrong? Why are you crying?"

The comforting sound of her voice and her hand stroking my head makes the crying only worse. I shake my head and wrap my arms tighter around my mother. _I missed her so much._

"Why didn't you call me? I could have picked you up from the airport." I ask when I am finally ready to release the hold on my mother.

"I called you Ana, but you didn't pick up the phone. I gathered that you would be working so I got a cab."

"Where is Bob?"

"Bob is at home." She smiles at me, taking me in. She then cradles my face in her hands and kisses my cheek.

"He didn't want to come? You are not fighting are you?"

"No we are not fighting." She shrugs and guides me towards the living room where we both sit down at the couch. "Do I need a reason to visit my only daughter?" She smiles again and places a few tendrils of hair that have escaped my ponytail behind my ear.

"No of course not…"

"I missed you Ana…"

"Yeah I missed you too mom."

She nods knowingly. "Are you going to tell me why you look so skinny and why where you hiding behind the kitchen counter?"

At that same moment my stomach decides to betray me by making this horrible sound. I squirm in my seat when I see my mother's raised eyebrow. Granted, my mother isn't much of a cook, but she tries, she really does.

"Why don't I cook something for us?" She says chipper. I am able to suppress a groan when I see her walking towards my fridge. I know that she is looking at the contents of my fridge and I know she isn't going to be happy… _3…2…1…_

"Anastasia Rose Steele!"

"Mom…"

"No, really…wine? You only have wine? No wonder you're so skinny." But she doesn't stop there. Nope. She searches in all my cabinets and even the little pantry. I could save her the disappointment and the trouble by telling her that she won't find anything edible…well besides M&M's that is, but I really want to postpone the little rant she is going to throw at me for just a little while longer.

I close my eyes as I hear the cabinets closing, a little too forcefully and then the clicking of her shoes making her way back to me. _Okay, here it goes._

"Anastasia, that is totally unacceptable…" I just know without looking at my mother that she has her hands on her hips, her head cocked to one side and her face has morphed into the I-am-not-a-happy-mother-look. _Ugh, I hate that look._

"I know mom…" I sigh.

"Don't you I-know-mom me…we are going to rectify this little situation." I hear her moving and then some shuffling.

"I am waiting young lady…"

"Mom, I am really not in the mood to go grocery shopping right now…" I look down at my watch and wince. Shit it is already 7 pm. "We can go grocery shopping tomorrow…please mom…" God, this is just pathetic. Here I am, a twenty five year old woman negotiating with her mother.

"Mom please…we can order out…whatever you like. Besides you have to be incredibly tired from the flight and the last thing you should be doing right now is cooking for me…"

We decided to order pizza. While we wait for the pizza's to be delivered and my mom is taking a shower I let myself fall back against the soft fabric of the couch and close my eyes.

I open them again as Christian's disappointed and angry face pops up. Shit, I should make it clear to him that I was not addicted or anything. It was something that happened three times and the third and last time thankfully had a profound effect. I've learned my lesson and will never do it again. _Never._ He was right though. It was a stupid thing to do. Well more like irresponsible, thoughtless and idiotic.

"So, you still haven't told me while you were hiding behind the kitchen counter." My mother says casually. _Better fess up Steele, she won't let it go._

To postpone my answer a little longer and frankly to put my thoughts in order, I take an extra-large bite of my pizza slice. I chew slowly but I could as well be eating a piece of cardboard.

"Christian came by this afternoon at my studio and things didn't go very well. He got mad and walked away…"

"But I don't understand Ana. You told me that you had talked and…"

"Yes" I say cutting her off. "We talked, he explained and I tried to understand. A few days later he took me away on a date and it was perfect. We talked some more and I agreed on trying again…you know give him a second chance…" I still don't know exactly what that entails exactly, but I guess that is something I don't need to worry about anymore.

"Meaning you are back together again?" She says carefully.

I snort. "Hardly… mom. It is complicated. Where do you pick up after five years? We don't even know what it is that we are doing." I shrug and fumble with the paper napkin in my hands. "Besides, after what he found out this afternoon I don't think there will ever be anything between us…" Saying it out loud hurts.

"Ana, can you please try to explain…"

I release a breath and look at my mom. "He got extremely angry when I told him what happened in New York."

My mother blinks a few times, confusion written all over her face. "He is mad at you because of that accident?"

"No…he got mad because of what happened at that party…"

The silence in the room is deafening. The only sound is that of the traffic outside. I know how my mom thinks about this. She was angry, I don't think I have ever seen my mother that angry.

I know that is also bothers her that I made her promise back then that not to tell Ray about my stupid stunt. I think he would have marched to New York, spanked the ever loving shit out of me and then put me on the first plane back home where he could keep an eye on me.

My mother clears her throat and then looks at me. There is something in her eyes.

"He walked away from you?" I am too stunned to react at first. I really thought that my mom was going to rehash everything again. About how irresponsible it was and … stupid.

I nod.

"So he didn't let you explain and he walked out on you?" _Oh shit momma bear is coming out._

"He has every right to be mad at me mom and disappointed. I told you before that Christian's formative years were extremely harsh, his mother was a drug addict who provided in her addiction by whoring herself to other men. His mother took an overdose when Christian was just four years old. He was with her body for four days before someone found out. That is when he came to live with the Grey's…"

"Ana you never told me that…" She whispers.

"And you have to promise me never to tell another soul mom."

"I promise." She says quickly. "So those scars on his chest and his back aren't from the chicken pocks."

"No those scars are definitely not from the chicken pocks. Those are cigarette burns…his mother's pimp did that to him."

"Oh God, that poor, poor boy…"

"You need to talk to him. You need to explain Ana." My mother says after I have told her everything that transpired that last couple of days. I never told her about Christian's escort job though, because I don't think that would go down very well with her. Besides I promised Christian I wouldn't tell anyone and that includes my mother.

"I think that what he needs is space…"

"Tomorrow…after we have gone grocery shopping, you are going to dress up pretty and you are going down to his apartment and talk to him."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea…" I try to reason. "Christian has a deep rooted hate for everything related to drugs…he probably doesn't want to do anything with me anymore."

"Basically what you are saying is that you have to be open minded and forgive him but we can't expect the same from him?" She inhales sharply and shakes her head. "If that is the case, he is just like the egocentrically man I always thought he was…and not to mention a hypocrite."

"It is not like that." I try.

"Then tell me what it is Anastasia." My mother says cutting me off. "Because from what you told me he didn't let go until he finally spoke with you. So you are going to do the same." She brushes her hands over her black pants and looks at me really long.

"Don't think I am siding with him, because you are my daughter and you will always be my number one priority Anastasia…"

"I know."

* * *

Very pleased with herself my mother closes the now full fridge. "That should get you going for at least a couple of days…"

I am only hearing half of what she is saying. My eyes are glued to my phone. "Did he answer you yet?"

"No…" _And I don't think he will._

"What did you text him?"

"I wrote: I really need to see you. When can we meet? Ana X

I was able to convince my mother that it wasn't a very good idea to barge into Christian's apartment or office for that matter. She agreed, albeit reluctantly and now she is constantly badgering me about the text.

"Call him…"

"Mom, I already tried to call him this morning and he didn't pick up. His call went directly to voicemail." She looks at me funny and leans against the counter.

"Do you love him Ana? Do you want to explain to him why things turned out the way they did?"

"Of course I still care about Christian, but you have seen mom that he doesn't want to take my calls or reply my texts." She seems taken aback by my tone of voice, but really she is getting on my nerves.

It is minutes later that my phone buzzes against the counter top.

 _Anastasia, I will have to call you later. C._

Well, that is another way for telling me to fuck off and not to bother him anymore.

"What does he say?"

Biting back the tears I show my mother Christian's text. Unable to look at my mom I hand her my phone and jump off the barstool. "I think I am going to work for a while. Do you think you will be all right?" My mom's expression is filled with sadness and compassion.

"Why don't I go with you?" She says. And even though she means well, I need to be alone for a while.

"I just need to be alone mom…I will be back before dinner okay?" The smile she gives me doesn't reach her eyes, but she nods nonetheless.

Numb. I feel absolutely numb as the cold air hits my face. God it is cold. I pull my beanie further over my head until my ears are completely covered. I should have put on my scarf like my mom told me, but I just needed to get away. Maybe my mom is right and I should barge in there and make him listen to me. But I know how unreasonable Christian can be. I know that if I force him to listen to me things can turn out pretty bad pretty fast. With every step I take the numbness disappears and is replaced by anger. This is typically Christian. If things do not go as he wants, he retreats in himself and pushes everyone away.

But then again, he forced me to listen to him too. He kept stalking me. Calling me, texting me. _Screw you Christian and screw your fucking schedule._

When I enter the sophisticated lobby of Grey Enterprise Holdings I realize that Christian might not even be in at the moment. Or maybe he really is in some kind of meeting or whatever he does.

Before I know it I am standing for the second time in two weeks in front of the pristine looking desk. The blonde girl eyes me warily and a fake smiles appears on her face. "Anastasia Steele to see Christian Grey." I start before she has the time to speak.

"Welcome to Grey Enterprises Holdings Ms. Steele. I will notify Mr. Grey immediately." She smiles again, this time it looks more sincere.

I'm nervous. It is that kind of nervous that has your hands shaking and your stomach doing those funny summersaults. _Awful._

A devious smile appears on the blonde-bitch her face when she ends the call. "Mr. Grey can't see you right now Ms. Steele."

"But he is in the building right?" I glance towards the elevator and then back at the blonde.

"I am afraid that I can't give you that information Ms. Steele. His assistant said to make an appointment." From the corner of my eye I see the elevator doors open and a bunch of guys dressed in suits step out. "Hold the elevator!" I scream and run towards the stunned people. _Guess yelling isn't part of the house rules._

"Ms. Steele! Ms. Steele! You can't go up there!" The receptionists calls after me. _Whatever bitch_.

"Thank you…" I smile to the guy holding open the elevator and punch the button for the elevator to close. I give the receptionist a small wave and a smirk. When the doors close I give her the finger and then lean back against the mirrored walls.

The doors open on Christian floor and like I already anticipated a security guard is standing in the lobby just waiting for me. _How lovely._ His arms are crossed in front of his chest and his face shows no emotion at all. He is actually very handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes.

"Hi…look I am sorry but I really need to talk to Christian…" I take a deep breath and see that his face hasn't changed. "Look I just really need five minutes of his time."

"I am sorry Ms. Steele." He shifts his bodyweight making him somehow look taller and scarier.

"Please. I promise I only need five minutes of his time. He surely has five minutes?" I continue.

"Ms. Steele?" Swiveling on my feet is watch Taylor rounding the corner. _Oh thank god._

"Mr. Taylor…hi…uhm…I really need to talk to Christian. I was talking to muscle man over here, but he says I need to leave, but I refuse to leave until Christian has listened to what I want to say…"

It is just the smallest of smiles, but it is there on his lips.

"You can enter Ms. Steele…" _Oh okay…well that was easier than I thought._

The distance from where I am standing to Christian's door is not very far, but it seems to take forever. Before I know it I am pushing against the heavy door and entering Christian's office.

Christian is standing bend over his desk, peering at his laptop screen. I just stand there frozen. I can't move. Oh god, what if this is a bad idea? Maybe he will kick me out. He stands up, picks his coat and then he takes a light blue box from his desk. It is then that he actually sees me. At first his expressing is bemused. However it is really quick. The bemused expression is quickly replaced by his … scowl.

"Ana…" His voice is soft and warning. I hold my hand in the air and his eyebrows raise surprised.

"I need to talk to you and you are avoiding me. I only need five minutes so I suggest you sit your ass down on that chair and you listen to me…"

"Ana…" Again there is that warning edge to his voice.

"No! It is my time to talk now. So shut up for just five freaking minutes Grey! You know, you might have grown up but you are still that stubborn mule you always where!" From my right I hear a sharp intake of breath and then a raspy laugh. _Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god._ Slowly I turn my head in the direction of where the sound came from and I am met with three people seated around a large table. One of them is a red haired woman who has the biggest smile on her face.

"Ross…everyone out."

"Five minutes…" I mutter looking at the three people.

"Oh, by all means don't mind us…please continue." The red-haired woman says and smiles big. While she remains seated the other two men hurry out of the room.

"Ross, get the fuck out of my office. The meeting will be suspended for three minutes." Christian enunciates the three minutes and looks back at me.

"Five minutes…I said I need five minutes." I reply stubbornly.

"You must be Ana." The red-haired woman whose name is Ross walks to me with her hand extended. "I am Ross Bailey. It is a pleasure to meet you Ana."

"Likewise…" I mutter. _He told her about me?_

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks at me up and down. "I hope you came here to pull his head out of his ass…" She rolls her eyes dramatically. "He has been unbearable…"

"Ross…" Christian warns again. Ross doesn't seem to give a shit and looks at Christian and then back at me.

"Really, he has spent the entire day yelling and moping like a little kid…"

"He tends to do that…" I blurt out and my eyes move to Christian.

Throwing her head back she laughs. "I like her boss…she is feisty…" She winks at me and starts slowly walking to the door.

By the door she turns around to look at Christian again. "She is gorgeous too…"

"Ross Bailey get the fuck out of my office now!" Christian roars.

"Take your time Ana." Ross winks another time and closes the door behind her.

I watch the door close behind her and her the soft click. My heart is beating against my rib cage and it seem like all the courage and adrenaline has left my body. I turn around and somehow Christian has left his spot behind his desk and is now leaning casually against his desk. Arms crossed in front of his chest. The box he was carrying is now on his desk. _What is in the box?_

"Can I?" I raise my eyebrow and challenge him. My gesture of confidence falls completely flat as I start fidgeting with my hands.

"By all means…" He replies casually.

Uncertainly I take a step closer to Christian but I stop in my tracks when I see his posture stiffening.

"I came here to explain..." I clear my throat. "I came here to tell you that I understand your reaction to what I told you yesterday. But it is not as you think it is."

He tries to speak but I hold up my hand again and surprisingly he keeps quiet.

"It only happened three times…I promise you that I am not an addict Christian." His eyes flash with annoyance and anger but he doesn't say anything.

"It was a mistake…" He raises and eyebrow and I continue quickly. "A horrible, stupid mistake that is…I wasn't thinking and believe me when I tell you that I learned my lesson." I am again met with silence. He really doesn't want to see me. Suddenly I feel vulnerable and unsure of myself. I made a complete fool of myself by barging in here and demanding his attention. I know that Christian only works on his own terms.

I hold on to the leather straps of my bag as if they were my lifeline.

"Was that all?" He says cocking his head to one side. _Geez, doesn't this affect him at all?_

"No…it wasn't…" My voice falters and I swallow.

"I am not your birth mother Christian. You promised me that you wouldn't run away again and what happened when the going gets tough? Exactly! You fucking run!" I look at my shoes and then back at him. "You run…leaving me questioning myself whether I made the right decision in letting you back into my life. Because I accepted all of you…and trust me it wasn't easy to hear that you worked as an escort…I regret what happened more than you can imagine, but I am human and I am entitled in making mistakes. I know it isn't an excuse but I was so lonely…and I got carried away. They said that it will make me forget that it would make me feel good, so I tried." Angrily I wipe the tears from my face and take a step back.

"I am not an addict Christian." I whisper while looking at him. He blanches and then his face turns softer.

"I still want to know one thing." I take a step back and look around his expensive and huge office.

"When you told me yesterday that you wanted a _we_ …an _us_ …was that all a lie? All the things you promised me…You don't want that anymore?" My voice breaks at the end and I keep quiet before I lose it in front of him. _I won't give him that satisfaction._

He looks at his watch and pushes himself of his desk and takes a few steps in my direction.

"God, you are an asshole Christian. Are my five minutes up? Is that why you are checking your watch?"

"No Anastasia, I was merely listening to you. You came in here asking me, no telling me to shut up for five minutes and that is what I have done. Now if you are done, I would like to have my say now."

"Okay…I guess…but make it quick."

"Shut up Ana…" He says and takes another step towards me. He is standing pretty close now and I can smell his cologne.

"You are absolutely right…it was wrong of me to walk away from you like that, but it was for the best. I was afraid I might say things that would make matters worse and I really don't want that."

I open my mouth to reply but he hushes me by simply shaking his head.

"I am sorry if I made you feel vulnerable and question yourself. That wasn't my intention. And you are again right, that you are simply human and you can make mistakes. It just hit a little too close to home Anastasia and I might have overreacted but there wasn't any other way I could cope with it."

He walks back to his desk and picks the box from his desk. Turning around he offers it to me.

"This is for you…this is the answer to your last question." He suddenly looks nervous.

"What is it?"

"Open it…but please don't freak out on me and don't walk away mad. If this isn't what you want, then let us talk about it." Okay, now I am nervous too. My hands are trembling, but in the end I finally manage to open the box. Donuts. My favorite. It is difficult to see through the blur of my tears but there are six donuts laying in the box. On each donut there is a word written. WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

 **Christian**

Tears. I don't know if these are happy tears or angry-tears. I am twenty-six years old, I have a sister who has cried a lot, but I still can't figure out what the meaning behind those tears is. Frankly it pisses me off.

"Will you please say something Ana?" I look down at her tear stained face and lock my eyes with her.

"I am falling in love with you all over again Ana." I shake my head exasperated. _Way, to fuck this up Grey._ "I mean I am in love with you. When I look at you, think about you, I can't decide if I want to fuck you, spank you or hold you in my arms." A small giggle escapes her lips and I relax marginally.

"Usually I want to do all three. So I guess that is love."

"This is all happening so fast…" She whispers. Her eyes go back to the donuts.

"I know it is fast, but this is us Ana. And we are real." I motion with my finger between the both of us. "This is fucking real Ana."

"But it is so fast." Her words are just a soft whisper. And I don't know if she is trying to convince herself of both of us. And I understand where she is coming from.

"We can do this at your pace…I am a patient man…" Her head snaps up and with a smile on her lips she cocks her eyebrow.

"Okay, you got me there I am not patient, but I am willing to be patient for you Ana." Carefully I take the box from her hands and cradle her face in my hands.

"Anastasia…you are killing me here." I take a deep breath. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I see different emotions passing through her eyes and my chest clenches with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Because there is something I want so much, but it is like I can't reach it because the shadows of the past are holding us back. For a brief moment I wonder if I am going to be left with that feeling of how great it could have been had I not fucked up. But then…she nods her head slightly. But that is not enough, I need to hear her say it.

"Say it…"

"Yes…" She sniffs. "I really would like to be your girlfriend Christian Grey."

I need to kiss her. I need to feel her. I close the miniscule distance between us and press my lips against hers. She sinks into me with a sigh and whispers my name. Her mouth molds perfectly into mine. Still cupping her jaw I brush my lips against her and then she opens her mouth for my tongue to slide against hers. For a moment it feels unreal but then it feels awesome, earthshattering and fucking perfect.

"I am not going to let us fall this time Ana…" I whisper.


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors note: Someday / Wish**

 **Hello,**

 **Some of you are probably disappointed that this isn't an update. But I just wanted to let you know that I won't be updating this week. I don't know when I will be able to update and if I do I won't be able to update weekly (like I normally do).**

 **My mother's health has deteriorated significantly this past week. The prognosis given by her doctors is not good.**

 **I know that some of you come here to read the stories and not to read about the author's personal life. However I felt the need to give you some kind of explanation.**

 **I also want to let you know that both stories will be finished. Unfortunately I don't have much time to write at the moment and to be honest sometimes my head is in a different place entirely.**

 **I also want to apologize for not replying to the reviews. Especially the ones who had questions. I am sorry, but I hope you understand.**

 **Thank you for your patience.**

 **Alner X**


	16. Chapter 15 - Perseverance

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.**

 **Chapter 15 – Perseverance**

 **Christian**

I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel disappointed. Yesterday after Ana agreed to be my girlfriend and we shared that amazing kiss she told me that she needed to get home. But when she said that I wasn't included in her plans, well that sucked big time. Seems that her mother surprised her with a visit and somehow I am not one of Carla's favorite persons at this moment. We agreed however that Ana would call me the moment she had dropped her mother off at the airport. I glance at my watch. That was two hours ago. Why hasn't she called me?

"Christian are you even hearing what I am saying?" I look up at my mother and immediately feel guilty as shit.

"I am sorry." I push my phone away and put my attention back to my mother. She smiles.

"Is there something bothering you?"

I contemplate my answer for a moment, but decide to be honest with her. "I was thinking about Anastasia. She had promised to call me but she hasn't yet and I am worried."

"I bet she has a valid reason for not calling you Christian." She looks at me and her eyes are filled with curiosity.

"May I ask the reason why you are expecting her phone call? I mean…" She trails of for a brief moment and then looks back at me. "Is it because the pictures she is taking for the article in the magazine? Or maybe Kate and Elliot's wedding?" She looks so fucking hopeful.

"Ana and I are back together." I say quickly. Both of her hands fly to her mouth and she gasps. "But that is wonderful news Christian…so she will accompany you to your father's birthday and Christmas of course. Oh that would be wonderful to have the entire family together again for Christmas…"

"Mother, I already told you that I wasn't planning on attending his birthday." As soon as the words leave my mouth I feel like a dick. Her face falls and the hurt radiating from her eyes is almost too painful to watch.

I rise from my seat and walk to where my mom is sitting. This is tearing her apart and I can't watch it.

"Mom." I squat down until I am sitting at her eyelevel. Then I take her cold hands in mine. "Let me discuss this with Ana okay. I don't know what her plans are yet. But if she is willing to accompany me, then you can count me in." With teary eyes she looks up at me and smiles.

"Thank you Christian." She caresses my cheek and stands up to leave.

"You won't forget to pick up your sister at the airport tomorrow are you?"

"I won't…" How could I? Mia has been sending me text messages non-fucking-stop.

"Are you going to stay for lunch when you drop your sister off at Bellevue?" She asks and again the hope reflected in her eyes sends a stab of guilt through my body.

"I think I will be spending the day with Ana." I say and hope that at least that will make her happy.

"Perfectly understandable. You have probably a lot to talk about." When she reaches the door she turns around. "Don't be a stranger Christian."

It has been thirty minutes that my mom has left and I still haven't heard anything from Ana. I decide to call her one more time. If she doesn't pick up then there isn't any other option; I will have to go and see for myself why the fuck she hasn't called me like she promised.

I am almost shocked when she picks up the phone at the first ring. "Christian?" Somehow the tone of her voice sends icy chills down my spine.

"Ana…what is wrong and why the fuck…"

"Christian can you please come to my studio…" Is she crying? Fuck she is crying.

"Ana what happened?"

"Someone broke in…I need to go now…the police just got here…I need to go." And then the line goes dead.

It takes me seconds to get to Andrea's desk. "Cancel all the appointments I have for today. Incoming calls will be directed to Ros. Make sure to inform her."

"Of course Mr. Grey."

* * *

"Mr. Grey. Can I ask what the emergency is?" Taylor looks at me through the rearview mirror and then back at the road.

"Ana called me. There has been a break in, in her studio." Taylor clenches his jaw and I see his knuckles on his hand turning white.

"Is Ms. Steele all right?"

"I barely talked to her."

He clears his throat and his hands clench around the steering wheel. "While you were with Ms. Steele the other day I took the liberty to do some research of the building Sir."

"Go on…"

"The first thing that I noticed was that the front door of the building where Ms. Steele rents her studio, has no form of security. Neither does her own studio." I nod my head, because I noticed it too. But things got a little bit out of control before I could point it out to Ana. Or better said, have Taylor install a security camera and alarm.

"Ask Welch to do an extensive background check on the businesses and the owners."

"Certainly sir."

When we arrive at Anna's studio the first thing I notice are the two police cars parked outside. As fast as I can I climb the stairs to Ana's studio. The door is open and just when I want to make my way to her office a police officer blocks me.

"And you are?"

"I am Christian Grey. Ms. Steele's boyfriend." And fuck if that doesn't make me proud. Even if the circumstances are less than ideal.

"One moment Sir."

Less than one minute later I am escorted to Ana's office. Ana is seated behind her desk with a bland expression on her white face.

"Ana?" Her head snaps up when she hears my voice.

"Oh Christian…" I jump to her side and she immediately buries her face in the crook of my neck.

"Hey it is okay. Are you hurt?" I whisper in her hair. She just shakes her head.

"Tell me what happened…"

"When I dropped my mom off at the airport I wanted to call you…like I promised…but then I found out that I had forgotten my phone…and I remembered that I had left it here…when I came the door was open…" She shivers and tightens her hold on me.

"Please tell me you didn't enter alone…" Again she shakes her head.

"Ms. Steele…" Someone says.

Wiping the tears from her face she sits back down on her chair and looks at a man that I didn't even notice when I entered. "I am sorry officer." She says with a shaky voice. "This is Christian Grey…my boyfriend." She blushes and smiles shyly.

"Like you were saying before, there is nothing missing?"

"No…not that I can see."

"You said that when you arrived here the door was open. Could it be possible that you left the door open by accident?"

Ana frowns. "No, I am sure I locked it. I always lock the door to my studio and the front door as well."

"But you told me that you were here this morning and you were in a hurry. It might be possible that you forgot to lock the door." He says again.

"No…" Ana shakes her head. "I am sure I locked it. My mother was with me and she can attest to that."

"Do you have any security cameras installed or maybe an alarm?" I really am starting to dislike this fucker. I particularly don't like his tone of voice.

"No…"

The officer, whose name I don't know shakes his head disapprovingly. "What did you do when you saw that the door was open?"

Ana's bottom lip starts to tremble. "I already told you…" She whispers. "At first I didn't know what to do and I entered. But then I remembered what my dad once told me, that if there ever were signs of a break in, in my apartment that I should never enter it but call the police…I didn't have my phone so I walked down to the little publishing firm on the first floor. The owner called the police…"

"And what is his name?"

"I don't know…I don't remember…"

"Ms. Steele. Are you saying that you don't know the name of the owner of the publishing company on the first floor while you have been working in this office-complex for…?" He looks at his notepad and then back at Ana. "…six months."

"I come here to work, not to socialize with the other business owners." Ana bites back. _That's my girl._

"His name is Jack Hyde, Ms. Steele."

Ana just nods her head.

"My colleague has been talking to Mr. Hyde and he just told him that he was working here from eight o'clock this morning and that he didn't see anything suspicious."

"What are you implying?" I ask because I am feeling like punching him straight in that ugly face.

"I am not implying anything Mr. Grey. All I am saying is that there aren't any signs of break in, there is nothing missing and we have a witness who didn't see or hear anyone. I don't think there is much we can do at this point." He scratches his chin and closes his notepad. "I would like to advice you Ms. Steele to install a security camera and to change your locks." He reaches inside his jacket and gives Ana his business car. "Here is my card, please don't hesitate to call if you encounter more problems."

Ana silently takes the card from him nodding her head nervously.

"I really don't know any other tenants…" She says as soon as the officer has left the room. "I think that he moved in here a few months after me…and I was really scared when I found the door open." Her bottom lip starts to tremble. Keeping her head down she starts fidgeting with the card in her hands until I see a tear falling on her desk.

"Hey. I believe you." I say taking her chin in my hands. As gently as possible I wipe the tears from her cheek with my thumbs.

"I'm sorry." She sniffs. "That guy was just acting like a total dick."

"I wholeheartedly agree baby..."

Ana is playing mindlessly with a pen on her desk while we have been asked to wait for the officers to leave. Every now and then she glances in my direction and offers me a nervous smile.

"Hey are you okay?"

"Do you have plans?" She asks avoiding my question. "I mean for this evening?"

"I was planning on spending it with my girlfriend."

Her smile is fucking bright. "I would love that." She stands up and takes her bag from the floor.

Her voice dies down and then she takes a deep breath. "Thank you for coming so fast…I didn't know who to call."

"I am glad you called me. Now let us get the fuck out of here." I take her small hand in mine and guide her through the narrow hallway. She tugs at my hand when we pass her studio. "I think I am going to take some of the equipment home with me. At least until I have changed the locks and installed an alarm."

 **Anastasia**

"Can I enter?" Christian asks.

"Of course." I quickly open the door for him and I let him enter.

"So this is where it all happens?" Christian says as he looks around in my little studio. It is really small, but this is what I am able to afford right now.

"Mostly…yes."

"So that fucker that was leaving the other day… you made photos of him here?"

"Yes." Where is he going with this?

"Naked pictures?"

"No…"

"Good…" Christian says and moves further into the room. "You don't have natural light?"

I snort. "No…I don't. The ideal space for a studio would have glass windows..."

"But natural light is essential right?" Christian says cutting me off.

"There are pros and cons…" I shrug.

"And why is it that you don't have that ideal studio?"

"Because a bigger space with windows means that I need a bigger budget."

"I can help you." _Oh shit…here we go._

"You probably could, but I need to do this myself. My dad helped me with the investment of the equipment and I can manage…I still need a few more years."

"Years?"

"Yes years Christian. I want to pay my dad back and I also have the rent of this and my apartment of course…"

"But you can make a living out of photography right?"

"I can, but mostly because of all the traveling I did in the past and I realized that as a freelancer you need to try to have your hands in as many different pots as possible to survive."

"What is your biggest source of income Ana?"

"That would be client-direct-sales. I have two companies that have me on retainer for $1,000 a month for a year. They get the pick of a couple images each month that they'll use for social media and marketing purposes. They have a specific style of image that they want, so I spend a good part of my time trying to create those images for them. And then I have the National Geographic assignment in Russia."

"Because you have already decided to go to Russia?" He says and his entire demeanor changes.

"Yes Christian, I decided to go to Russia."

"Russia is dangerous Anastasia…" He says sternly. His lips forming a straight line. Christian brushes his hands through his hair. "Besides…it is fucking cold there."

"Christian…" I warn.

"I don't want you to go." He says.

"Whether I go or don't go, isn't your decision to make Christian. If we want this Christian and Ana thing to work, you need to give me space and let me make my own decisions. I don't interfere with your job so you shouldn't interfere with mine." And I mean it. If we are going to have a discussion every time I need to leave the country we might as well call it quits.

"Who will be travelling with you?"

"An assistant and an interpreter." I say. "Oh and I will be working along with a historian."

"Who are they?"

"I don't know. I need yet to hire the assistant and the interpreter is assigned by National Geographic. These people are always professionals Christian."

"I don't like it…" He says stubbornly.

"You don't trust me?" I say cocking my head to the right.

"I trust you completely Ana. I don't trust others." He replies waving his hand in the air.

"Look this is not the first time I have done this okay?"

"Then I will go with you…" _Say what?_

I laugh. "I don't think so." I shake my head.

"I am serious Ana."

"Christian you surely can't leave your company for three to four weeks to travel with me to Russia…"

"Three to four weeks? What the fuck?" Christian's hands go to his hair. He is frantically pulling at the ends. _Jesus, his hair._

"Look" I say taking a step towards him and pulling his hands from his hair. "We will work something out. Maybe you can visit me there for a few days…"

Christian pulls me against his chest roughly and leans his chin on my head. "I want all the details. Itinerary, names, travel data…I want everything. And you have to promise me to call me every day…preferably multiple times a day and I still will want to know your favorite song of the day…"

"Deal…"

"Good." He takes a big breath and kisses the top of my head. "This is a lot of equipment you have here." He says and frowns. "I am going to ask Taylor to install a security camera and an alarm."

"Now?" I ask and look down at my watch.

"Yes…of course now." He looks at me funny and then turns around. "Taylor!" He yells.

"Jesus! Christian, you scared the crap out of me…" He smirks and pulls me to him.

"Sir" Shit. It feels like I just entered the twilight zone.

"Taylor. We need an alarm, security camera and to change the locks."

"Already working on it Mr. Grey. Sawyer is on his way with Barney."

"Very good. Please notify me immediately when you have finished. Ms. Steele's equipment needs to be packed and delivered at her apartment." Christian orders.

Taylor seems to be used at his curtness because he simply nods his head as he looks around in my studio.

"I am now taking Ms. Steele home."

"Christian it is Friday…you can't possibly expect for everyone to show up here and install an alarm, security camera and to change the locks."

Christian scowls. "I pay them very well Anastasia."

Taylor has stepped out into the hallway and is giving orders to someone else. _Jesus._

"Maybe we should get them something to eat?" I say while Christian is practically dragging me down the stairs.

"Don't worry about them Ana."

We are about to turn the corner at the stairwell on the first floor when we hear a door closing and footsteps approaching.

"Oh hi…" I say stopping and tugging at Christian's hand. "Mr. Hyde wasn't it?"

"Yes, but please call me Jack." He says smiling. And somehow something on his face seems vaguely familiar.

"I wanted to thank you for earlier. I am sorry but…"

"No problem at all Ana." He says putting his hand on my arm. "And you are?" He says now looking at Christian. The moment he looks at Christian his entire face changes. I have to admit that he a good looking guy, but there is something creepy about him. Maybe his eyes.

"I am the boyfriend. Christian Grey." Christian wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him.

Something strange passes Jack's eyes as he looks at Christian. Jack then nods at both of us and looks down at his watch. "Excuse me but I need to get going since I have an appointment." He then turns to me and smiles. "Ana if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call." He reaches inside of his pocket and hands me his card.

"Thank you."

Jack isn't even out of the door when Christian snatches the business card from my hands. "You won't be needing this." He hisses.

"Christian…"

"I don't trust him Ana." He says pointing in the direction that Jack just disappeared into. He then shakes his head and takes my hand in his. "Let's go baby…"

* * *

I roll my eyes when I look to my right. There is one word to describe Christian sitting next to me in my car. _Sulky._ We argued beforehand of course about who would drive. I mean really? My car. So I am the one driving. Christian's posture is stiff as a board. He has his arms crossed in front of his chest and he is actually pouting. _God, that lip._

"You are acting like a baby Grey!" I say and playfully squeeze his knee. He doesn't react, he just keeps staring straight ahead. Although I see him fighting a smile.

"I am not driving until you wipe that ridiculous pout from you face…" I say sternly.

He turns his face still pouting and then points to his lip. "You want a kiss?"

He nods and leans in with a wicked grin on his handsome face. As soon as my lips make contact with Christian's his hands dig into my hair pulling me closer.

"You taste so sweet Ana…" He says after we end the kiss. He then kisses me one more time on the tip of my nose and leans back into his seat. "I think I need to pout more often." He winks at me and then opens the glove compartment.

"What the fuck?" He growls. Taking a huge breath of air he leans back and holds a package of condoms in his hands.

"Why the fuck do you need condoms in your car Anastasia?"

I could of course opt for the fastest way out and tell him that the condoms are not mine. But before I even have the chance to think about what I am going to say he starts spewing questions.

"You keep condoms in your car?" He asks incredulously. His face has gone white as a sheet and his hand is clenched so hard in a fist that his knuckles are white from the force.

I bite my lip and focus my attention back on the traffic. "How many Ana?" He asks and he sounds defeated.

"How many what?" I whisper.

"How many guys did you sleep with?"

"Christian…I don't think we should be having this conversation right now." I say as calm as possible.

"I think we do…" He says through gritted teeth. "Pull over." He points at a free parking spot on the right side of the road.

"How many Ana…" He says when I park the car.

"Would it matter Christian?" I feel the anger flaring up in me again as I look at his face. "What if I told you that I fucked fifteen guys huh? Then what? You are going to tell me that this is a mistake?" I yell.

He throws the package of condoms on the floor and brushes both of his hands through his hair…pulling.

"I would never leave you again Ana…" He says hoarsely.

We stay seated like that for a few minutes. Both battling with our own emotions and feelings.

"That package of condoms isn't mine. It is probably Elliot's. He and Kate borrowed my car a few months ago. I didn't even know it was there." I say after a while. "But I think you have a lot of nerve reacting this way. You fucked fifteen woman Christian…and I don't even want to know how many times you fucked each one of them…you wined and dined them…you made them feel good didn't you Christian?" His lowers his head and I know that I am walking a thin line, but I need to say this.

"You whispered sweet, loving words in their ear…you massaged them…" Angrily I wipe the tears from my face and continue. "Would you even want me if I would have been with another man?"

"I would always want you Ana. Always." Christian replies immediately. He closes his eyes and when he opens them again he looks straight at me. He looks pained, hurt and ashamed.

"As for those women. They didn't mean anything Ana…it was you…it has always been you and always will be…"

With his thumbs he wipes the tears from my face. "I did what they expected from me…my heart was never into it Ana. I haven't been with another woman since I quit being an escort. You have to believe me…" I nod my head and lean into his touch. I believe him when he tells me that he didn't sleep with anyone else after he quit the escort service. Why would he even lie about it?

"Come here." He says. Clumsily I release my seatbelt and climb over to straddle him. I immediately bury my face in his neck and cry. Could this day get any worse? And why the hell did Elliot leave those condoms in my car?

"I am sorry…I shouldn't have said those things to you…"

"It's okay…It's okay Ana. Please don't cry baby." He whispers.

Threading my fingers through the hairs on the nape of his head I pull him closer to me.

"Did you ever have to do things you didn't want to do?" I ask. I lean back so that I can watch his face.

"They sometimes wanted me to treat them like I would never treat a woman…" He says staring in the distance. "Some of them…" He stops talking.

"You don't have to tell me…" I whisper.

"That guy doing those things wasn't me. It was Trev…" Cradling my face in his hands he gives me a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Here with you…I am Christian."

"I know." I reply. But it doesn't make it any easier.

* * *

"I have been thinking." Christian says while looking over his shoulder. I sigh and look up. I was enjoying a magnificent view. Christian's ass. He is chopping the vegetables for his Bolognese sauce. He smirks at me before turning around. He leans casually against the kitchen counter and crosses his arms in front of his chest. _Shit. He looks good. Hot._ I swallow and let my eyes wander over his arms, chest until I meet his smiling eyes.

"Do I have your attention Ms. Steele?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah…" I wave my hand in the air urging him to continue.

"I was thinking that you should move out of that building. I just have a bad feeling."

"Christian at this point I can't afford anything else."

"I have a few guestrooms in my apartment that you can use."

"Absolutely not…out of the question." I say determined.

"Why?"

"Why?" I ask exasperated. "The reason why I rented that studio is to keep my private life and business separated." And because of the space, I add to myself. I brush my hands through my hair and sigh. "Please, let us not argue anymore." I plead now looking at him.

"I just want to have a relaxed evening with you…I want to watch you cooking, I want to hear about your business, I just want us…please Christian."

He nods pensively. "I want that too Ana, but there are some things we need to discuss. Important things."

"Like?" I bring my glass of wine to my lips and take a sip. I think I am going to need the alcohol seeing the look on his face.

"First there is security."

"What do you mean?"

Christian almost seems nervous as he looks at me. "You need security."

"Why would I need security?" I say laughing.

"Because you are my girlfriend."

"That doesn't make any sense at all Christian. You obviously need security but I am nobody…I am just Ana."

"You are Ana and you are my girlfriend, this makes you interesting for the paparazzi, the papers and every idiot who wants to harm me."

 **Christian**

I don't like the worry etched on her beautiful face. "Why would someone want to harm you?" She breathes.

"Because I am a public figure Ana…a billionaire. Every family member has a CPO assigned to them. If someone is out to hurt me, you and my family are my weakness."

"Basically you are telling me that someone will be following me everywhere I go?"

"When you are not with me…then yes, that is what I am saying."

She seems to be thinking about it while she skims with her finger along the rim of her wineglass. I know what she is thinking though. She barely will have any privacy.

"Let me think about this okay…I need to let it sink in…" She looks up at me with those big eyes and I just nod. "Come here." She says. I don't need to be told twice so I close the distance and immediately her arms wrap around my waist. Her head is now leaning against my chest and fuck if it doesn't feel good. My dick agrees wholeheartedly.

Suddenly she bolts up and looks at the stove. "Something is burning."

"Oh fuck!"

* * *

"God, I love Chinese food." Ana giggles while she struggles with the chopsticks. I would struggle too after two glasses of wine and three glasses of Sake. I mean it is not that she is drunk, but she is almost there.

"Yeah, yeah…I get it." I shrug. "I burned the sauce."

She laughs, throwing her head back. God, the sound of her laugh is amazing and I missed it. I missed everything about her. Her jokes, her smile, her scent. _Every. Fucking. Thing._

I keep staring at her. My chopstick hanging in the air. When Ana stops laughing she looks at me. Her head slightly tilted to one side, that beautiful smile on her face.

"What?" She whispers.

"Nothing…" I shrug but somehow I can't stop looking at her.

"No, tell me Christian." She insists.

Exhaling I place the box of food on the floor and crawl to where Ana is sitting. "I was thinking that I missed you so fucking much. Everything about you…" I graze my finger over her cheek to her lips.

Smiling weakly she nods. "I missed you too Christian." Her breath tickles against my lips. And even though I really want to ask her what she missed about me I don't. I am afraid that she will shut me out because I am well aware that she still doesn't trust me.

Our lips are about to touch when the shrieking sound of her phone makes us both jump up. _Bad. Fucking. Timing._

"Oh…" Ana whispers and blinks her eyes a few times. "I should probably get that…" Holding on to my shoulders she giggles when she stumbles. "Oops…" A little snort escapes her while she makes her way to the kitchen where her phone is laying on the counter.

Her brow furrows when she sees the caller. "So not answering that…" She mutters and turns off her phone.

"Who was that?" I ask. Ana is still standing in the kitchen looking at the phone.

"My dad…" She says clearing her throat.

"But I thought you had a special ringtone for your dad?"

"I changed it." She says with a single shrug. Taking a deep breath Ana places her phone back on the counter.

"Have you ever tasted Licor 43?" She asks out of the blue and with a fake smile.

"I don't think I have…" I watch Ana walking towards a small cabinet. She retrieves two shot glasses and a bottle of an amber colored liquor.

"It is a Spanish liquor, made out of 43 different ingredients, hence the name." She smiles and places the shot glasses on the table.

"Let us toast." Ana says when she has filled the glasses. "To us. Christian and Ana."

* * *

It starts innocent. A slip of her hand, an innocent touch…and the talking. Jesus Christ, I forgot how much a drunk Ana likes to talk.

"Do you remember when we were in Harvard and you had to go back to Seattle for your cousins wedding?"

I swallow and nod. She giggles while she lifts her head and bites her lip. Her eyes focused on my lips.

"Do you remember what you asked me when I picked you up from the airport?" She keeps going.

"Yes…yes I remember…" I say clearing my throat.

"You asked me if I had touched myself…" Ana's dainty finger brushes against my lips and she smiles.

"And you told me 'absolutely not'" I reply. Because I remember that conversations vividly.

"Well I lied…" She whispers. Ana moves closer to me her eyes constantly darting to my mouth.

"You did?" I croak.

"Yeah, but I always thought of you though…" She giggles again. _Oh fuck._

I should leave…I really should because it is getting dangerously tempting to rip her clothes of off her and make love to her. However…I can't. I can't leave and I can't have sex with her because she is drunk. I have to stay and take care of her. Because if she gets sick I want to be here to take care of her. Hold her hair back for her.

But Ana isn't sick. She is feeling good. Very, very good. _Fuck._

"I would lay in my bed, spread my leg wide and…"

Before she can finish that sentence I cover her mouth with mine and keep it there. She tastes damn good. Besides I have to prevent her from finishing that sentence.

We kiss until I hear a little moan escaping from the back of her throat. I pull away, before I am not able to.

"I want you so much Christian."

 _She is drunk. She is drunk. She is drunk._ I know that, my dick on the other hand is not so sure.

"Make love to me Christian." Ana's voice sounds deep and with every word that comes out of that perfect mouth, my control slips.

Ana stands up, holding my gaze as her fingers slip from her collarbone, down to her breasts. Seductively she starts unbuttoning her white blouse.

"Please make love to me…"

Finally I find my voice. "We can't, Ana." Standing up I take her hand in mine and kiss her forehead. "You are drunk."

Her blue eyes open wide and the wounded looks she gives me almost breaks me.

"What are you saying Christian? You don't want to make love to me?"

 _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This is a trick question. There is absolutely no right answer._

Taking her face in my hands I smile down at her. "We can't make love right now Ana…you are drunk."

Wrapping her hands around my neck she sags against me and sighs.

"Okay…then just fuck me…"

A whimper escapes my lips as I look down into those gorgeous blue orbs. She has no idea how much I want to make love to her, fuck her even, but I can't. It would be wrong…it would be awesome and mind-blowing, but wrong…because Ana is drunk.

This would be the fulfillment of five years of erotic fantasies about Ana. But still wrong.

I keep repeating the mantra in my head to make sure I don't forget. _This is wrong…Ana is drunk. This is wrong…Ana is drunk. But it is hard. So very fucking hard._

Ana however just keeps testing my control. Releasing my neck she finishes unbuttoning her blouse. Seconds later the white fabric slips to the floor, revealing her perfect breasts which are covered in pink lace. Glancing up at me between her eyelashes she smiles sweetly. Her hands wander to the button of her jeans and before I know it she is standing in front of me wearing only her bra and panties. I force my eyes not to wander off so I don't get tempted. Ana turns around and starts walking towards the hallway that leads to her bedroom. As she walks away, she doesn't look back at me…she doesn't even call my name, because she doesn't have to. Because I am already following her to her bedroom where I close the door behind us.

Standing in her bedroom Ana turns around and reaches around behind her back. It only takes seconds before her bra comes off revealing her perfect breasts and alabaster skin. My eyes follow her hands that are now holding on to her thin material of her panties. And that is when I see it.

"Ana what the fuck is that?" I bellow and take a step closer.

She blinks a few times and looks down to where I am pointing at. _What the ever living fuck is that?_

"Oh…" She giggles again and skims her finger over the tattoo on her hip. "That is a tattoo you silly…" She hiccups and lifts her head to look at me. "The guy used a needle…" She whispers secretively. When I don't reply she whispers. "You don't like it?"

"Ana…"

"It hurt…" She continues. "But Adam was there with me and he held my hand the entire time." She says matter of fact. _Fucking great._ _Just what I needed to hear._

"Ugh…I don't think I feel very well…" She says making a funny face. She takes a tentative step towards her bed and flops down. I stand there for a few seconds watching Ana who is laying with her face down, only wearing those tiny, sexy panties.

I pull the duvet down and as carefully so not to wake her and then I turn her around so that she is laying on her side. My eyes skim over her stomach where she has a scar of approximately 4 inches long. Leaning down I brush my lips over the scar and kiss it a few times. Then I move over to her tattoo. _Perseverance_ the tattoo says.

I have to admit that it looks pretty. The script is elegant and it looks sexy as hell on her.

"Ana…Ana…Ana, what am I going to do with you…" I mutter against her skin.

* * *

 **A/N.: Thank you all very much for your patience, understanding and all those sweet, encouraging PM's you sent me during my absence. You guys are amazing, thoughtful and caring.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you all next week!**

 **XOX Alner**


	17. Chapter 17 - Reconnecting

**Chapter 16 – Reconnecting**

 **Anastasia**

 _Oh. My. God. My head hurts…a lot._ I carefully stretch my legs and I feel a slow burn sizzling through them, then my arms. There are parts of my body that hurt that I didn't even know could feel pain.

With my eyes still closed I go over to yesterday's events. The break in, Christian coming back home with me…the wine…the Sake and then the freaking Licor 43. Shit…why did I have to do that? Oh yeah, now I remember…because Ray called.

Shit. I am never drinking this much again…well not ever of course…but shit I feel horrible. Hangovers suck bigtime.

I groan out loud when I don't remember anything that happened after I took that last shot of Licor 43. Shit! Unfortunately I know from experience that excessive drinking go hand in hand with poor decisions. Not eager to face reality just yet I pull the duvet over my head and close my eyes really tight. I can't remember what happened after he saw my tattoo though. Well, I remember the part where his eyes were almost bulging from his handsome face…but really it is all very fuzzy… Shit…I hope we didn't have sex…I mean I would have liked to remember _that._

That is when I hear the door of my bathroom opening and someone walking into my bedroom. Carefully I peek up from under the duvet and…holy crap! I have suddenly forgotten how to breathe. Christian is standing in my bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

My eyes go from his feet, Christian's very, very sexy feet to the towel wrapped around his waist. The bulge behind the towel is clearly visible and I swallow.

Then I let my eyes wander from his happy trail to his six pack. God, he has to work out frequently to get a body like that.

When I finally reach his face, his intense, gray eyes are taking me in. His facial expression can best be described as…neutral. Don't know if I should be happy about that.

I would have preferred if she was smiling or smirking.

"Hi" I croak and give him a little wave. I try to smile but I think it is more a grimace than anything else.

"Good morning Anastasia…" He says and saunters casually towards the bed. Crap! Anastasia…that explains his neutral expression. Christian is not a happy camper.

I close my eyes briefly and before I know it Christian is pulling away the duvet and dropping the towel to the floor. He slides in next to me and kisses my forehead. "How are you feeling?" He asks and I can hear a tinge of anger behind his words. Although, it might be disappointment, but then I prefer anger.

"I think I feel all right…it could have been worse…" considering the amount of alcohol I consumed yesterday…I add in my head.

He nods and inhales sharply. "I think we need to set a few ground rules…" He says after a few moments of silence.

"What ground rules?" I ask silently and bite my bottom lip contemplating about what rules he might be talking about.

"First…" He growls. "Don't bite that fucking lip Anastasia. I want to bit it too…I am naked and you are practically naked but also very hungover…" _So?_

"Second…there will be no more excessive drinking…" Okay…I guess that is fair considering the fact that I passed out yesterday. When I don't reply he continues.

"Third…you won't be needing that vibrator anymore…" How does he know about Mr. Buzz?

"How…why…did you go through my drawers?" I squeak.

"Yes, I did." He replies casually and shrugs.

"But why?"

"Because I can Anastasia…" _Crap. We are still at Anastasia._

"Where is Mr. Buzz now?" I ask. And when the words leave my mouth I hear how stupid it sounds.

"Who the fuck is Mr. Buzz?"

"Uhm…well…" I point with my finger towards my nightstand and feel my cheeks reddening. "That would me my vibrator."

"Why would you even name your vibrator Ana?" Christian asks and looks dumbfounded.

I simply shrug.

"Mr. Buzz…" Christian says looking downright annoyed. "…Is gone. I broke it in two…"

"But that was a gift!"

"From who?" He growls.

"Kate…"

"Of course she has to give you a fucking vibrator." Christian sighs.

"And what about all that lingerie?" He asks.

"I like lingerie…it makes me feel…pretty…" I feel myself blush under his penetrating stare.

"You know that you don't need lingerie to be gorgeous or sexy don't you?" Christian shifts and I feel his hand on my hip.

I shake my head. "Well you don't need it. I liked it when you wore those sexy boy shorts back in college."

"Okay…" I reply lamely.

"Good…we also need to talk about your tattoo…" Christian moves until he is laying on top of me, leaning on his forearms.

"Perseverance?" He asks gazing into my eyes. That angry look is now gone. He simply looks curious now.

I clear my throat and look into his eyes. "Yes…I got the tattoo after…after I was released from the hospital when I took the drugs…Adam came to see me and I asked him to go with me. That evening when Peter…well you know. We were planning on getting a tattoo…the three of us."

"Did he see you naked?" He asks while he kisses my jaw. From everything I told him he only hears that Adam came along with me? I bite back my answer. Because what I really want to ask him is if those clients saw him naked. However I don't want to get into another fight and it wouldn't be fair to throw his past in his face every single time. I accepted it…so I will have to deal with it.

"No Adam didn't see me naked Christian…"

Christian releases a breath and moves down until his mouth is kissing the scar.

"Christian…did you undress me?"

He snorts and shakes his head. "Wasn't necessary…you did that baby…"

"Christian, did we have sex last night?" I blurt out. His head snaps up and a smile is grazing his lips.

"I don't know if I am more offended that you think I would have sex with you while you were completely wasted, or that you actually can't remember if we had." He says in that sexy voice.

"Just answer my question."

He rolls his eyes. "No Anastasia we didn't have sex. Not from lack of trying on your part though…"

I groan and let my head fall back in the pillow.

"But hey, I understand…I am irresistible…" He grins this time and gives me a cheeky wink. _Bastard._

"You are crazy Grey…" I huff.

 **Christian**

I look up into those blue eyes and smile. "You are right Ana. I am crazy…crazy about you…"

Her breath hitches and she bites that goddamned lip again. "Ana…don't…" I warn.

"I…I missed you Christian…" She whispers cutting me off.

Briefly I am stunned at her words. The need to touch her has been so consuming since the moment I laid eyes on her at that Italian restaurant, and with those three words I decide to give in to that feeling. I know I promised her that we would take this slow…one step at the time but damn if those words don't make me feel good. And people don't get a second chance every time and I did…and this is my way to prove to her that I will never hurt her again, that I won't let her fall. I want to make her feel special, loved and cherished. I want to show her how much I love her without saying it out loud.

Closing the small distance between us I press my lips against hers. She sighs against my lips and opens her mouth for my tongue to slide against hers. I groan as I taste her. My heart is pounding against my lips, need and desire pulsing through my veins. I want to touch her everywhere, however I also want to savor every second.

My beautiful, sweet, strong Ana. She pulled me in all those years ago with her captivating eyes and smart mouth. And now she is here again, in my arms. Her fingers are gripping my hair, her teeth biting my bottom lip. _Fuck I am going out of my mind._

Without breaking contact with her mouth, I raise up on one elbow. I let my hand slide over her stomach all the way to her perfect breast. It still fits perfectly into my hand and I squeeze it softly and brush my thumb over her nipple. Ana moans and tugs at my hair. I keep rubbing my hand in a slow circle and she moans against in my mouth. I start spreading kisses from her lips, down her jaw to that perfect spot in her neck she loves so much. I love how she tastes. It is unique…it is Ana.

Ana is breathing hard and her hands leave my hair. They are now running down my back, shoulders and arms. Slowly I slide my hand back down until I reach that spot between her legs. My fingers brush over her damp panties. "Is this okay Ana?" I rasp. _Please say yes, please say yes._

"Yes…" She breathes and digs her fingers into my arm muscles.

I keep brushing my fingers against her panties, teasing her. "What do you want me to do, Ana?"

"Touch me damn it! Just touch me!" She says and pulls on my hair. I put my mouth back on hers, our tongues swirling desperately. I keep moving my fingers over her panties in a circling motion. I can ever feel her swollen clit now beneath the silk.

I move my hand and slip beneath her panties. This time I am the one moaning as I feel her soft curls sliding against my hand. Fuck, she is so wet. I want nothing more than to taste her.

I immediately push away that need, because I want to please her more. She comes first. I slide two fingers between her swollen sex and spread the wetness around her opening.

"Jesus Christian…" She says and spreads her legs wider.

"What do you want Ana, I want to hear you say it?" I breathe against her mouth. At the moment her eyes dart open, I just know she is going to turn the tables on me like she has done so many times before in the past. Her hand moves down from my hair until she has her fingers wrapped around my dick. She start stroking up and down…slowly…teasing me…squeezing my dick with the perfect amount of pressure. The feeling of her hand wrapped around my cock is exquisite. Her touch makes me feel light headed and needing more. _I am not going to last long._

Leaning back into the pillow she looks at me and smirks. "What do you want Christian...I want to hear you say it." She says in a teasing tone. She stops stroking and her thumb brushes against the tip of my dick, moving the precum.

"Faster" I say, grinning down at her.

She doesn't hesitate when she wraps her hand around my dick and starts stroking again.

"Now touch me Christian…I want to feel you." She says looking into my eyes.

I slide my fingers inside her. She is wet and hot. Her muscles squeeze my fingers as they move in and out of her. I touch her clit with my thumb and she moans softly and moves her pelvis to meet my movements. I start thrusting my hips into her hand and I lean down to kiss her. That is when I feel the tightening of my balls and that tingling feeling in my spine. _I am close._ I feel that I am going to come hard, but I want to come with her. Together.

Ana's pussy starts to clench around my fingers, again and again. "Christian!" She moans against my lips when she comes. I let out a long jagged groan when wave after wave of pleasure floods through me as I come on her stomach. For several moments the only sound in the room are from our gasps and pants while holding on to each other.

With a dreamy smile Ana kisses my bicep and leans back into her pillow. I look down at her stomach and a feeling of possessiveness spreads through my chest as I watch my come on her perfect skin. Preferably I would spread my come over her stomach to mark her, but I don't think this is the right time.

 **Anastasia**

I missed this. I miss laying in Christian's arms. I missed feeling safe and loved. It is a lovely and blissful feeling. The steady rhythm of his heart is a comforting and familiar.

"So...what happened in New York when you took those drugs?" He starts carefully.

I roll my eyes and sigh. Jeez…he could have waited. "Your eyes Anastasia, you are going to strain something in your head if you keep that up."

Christian squeezes my hand, telling me silently to start talking. _He really needs to work on his patience._

I shift my head so that it is stuck under his chin. I really don't want to see the disappointment on his face.

"After the accident happened and Adam moved away to Canada…I found myself alone. I mean Adam and Peter had been there for me since the first moment I stepped into the apartment…anyway the models always had a lot of party invitations…" I shrug. "And they invited me to come." I feel Christian tensing. _Well there will be a lot of more tensing when I am done with the story_.

"It was never my intention to use drugs." I say and my voice sounds small, foreign to my own ears. "It just happened…he told me that it would make me forget…make me feel better." My fingers mindlessly brush over the duvet as I think back at that horrible evening.

"And that was exactly what I was looking for. I wanted not to feel and to forget." I shake my head with frustration. I was so fucking stupid.

"Who gave those drugs to you Ana?"

"One of the models." I pause for a moment. "I…I really thought I could trust him you know."

Instead of ranting about how stupid I was, Christian surprises me by kissing the top of my head.

After kissing Christian's chest I continue. "I will spare you the details…but somehow one day I woke up in the hospital. Everything what happened at that party remains a black whole."

 _Flashback_

 _My head is pounding and in the distance I can hear soft bleeping sounds. I try to move but my body doesn't seem to cooperate. I am so nauseous. Why do I feel this way?_

" _Anastasia?" Someone is calling my name and a warm hand is caressing mine. Adam? What is he doing here? And why can't I open my eyes._

" _Shortcake come on open your eyes for me…" The hand is now at my hair and then I feel soft lips pressing against my forehead._

 _When I open my eyes I am staring directly into the relieved eyes of my friend Adam. Relief turns to something else but it is gone before I know it._

" _Adam…what…"_

" _What the fuck do you think you were doing?" He whisper-yells._

" _Why…what happened…Adam…where am I?"_

 _He shakes his head and his lips turn into a straight line. Why is he so mad?_

" _I am going to tell the nurses that you are awake…" After another kiss on my forehead he disappears from my line of sight._

" _Ms. Steele…you woke up…" I open my eyes again and this time Adam is standing next to a middle aged nurse. The tone in her voice is full of disapproval as is her face._

" _What happened? Why am I in the hospital?" My eyes dart from the sourly looking nurse to Adam._

" _You were brought in last night. You lost_ _consciousness in one of those rave parties in Manhattan…"_

" _You don't remember?" Adam asks._

 _I shake my head. "No…I don't." I wet my lips since swallowing is incredibly difficult._

" _What is the last thing you remember?" The nurse walks to the end of the bed picks up the chart and starts writing in in it. Occasionally she looks at me before focusing her attention back on the chart in her hands._

" _I was dancing…I think…and then I felt so weird…I remember seeing strange things…" I turn to look at Adam. "Can you please tell me what happened…I really don't remember Adam…"_

" _Like nurse Sandra said, you were brought in unconscious. They found alcohol and drugs in your system…" Shame washes down on me. That is why he looks so angry. Shit, Adam hates drugs._

" _You could have died Ana!" He yells. I cringe at the sound of his voice and close my eyes._

" _Sir please calm down." The nurse says._

" _How long was I unconscious?" I whisper._

" _Twelve hours." The nurse says looking at her watch. "We contacted your mother and she is on her way. You gave her quit the scare Ms. Steele…" I nod again because what else can I do. I feel incredibly stupid as it is._

" _The doctor will be with you in a while…" She nods once and briskly walks out of the room._

" _What are you doing here?" Adam is still standing at the same spot. His hands in his pockets and the expression on his face is still not a very pleasant one._

" _I had to work out some stuff with the magazine. I arrived yesterday afternoon. Christ Ana, I couldn't find you, you didn't pick up your phone and you didn't reply to the messages I send you… your room is a fucking mess…what the fuck is wrong with you!"_

 _Turning my face away from his angry stare I close my eyes. "I don't know…I'm sorry please don't be mad."_

" _Too late shortcake…I am beyond mad…I am furious."_

 _As I try to move my arm to wipe the tears from my face I notice that I can't move them. I look down and it becomes clear. My arms are tied to the bed._

" _Adam…" I say panicked. "Adam…why am I tied to the bed?" His eyes soften and he shakes his head. "From what the nurse told me you were screaming…you were acting paranoid…" He quickly says._

 _Oh my god._

" _Please …get the nurse…please Adam…"_

 _As he walks to the door in solid steps my mother walks into the room. Her eyes scan me and then they dart to Adam._

" _Hello Adam." She says with a strained smile._

" _Mrs. Adams…it is very nice to see you again."_

 _My mother nods her head as she shakes Adam's hand. "It is a shame that we have to meet under these circumstances." She turns to look at me again and then back to Adam. "Thank you for staying here with Anastasia."_

" _You are welcome."_

" _Could I please have a moment with my daughter?" She says bluntly. Without awaiting Adam's answer she places a duffel bag on the floor and walks to me._

" _Hello Anastasia…" Tears are gathering in her eyes as she brushes the tears from my cheeks._

" _Mom…I…I am really sorry…please don't be mad…"_

 _Without saying another word my mom takes a step back to get a chair standing in the corner of the room. Scraping the chair over the floor she sits and folds her hands in her lap. She looks absolutely livid._

 _End flashback._

"What did she say?" Christian asks.

I groan as I remember my mother's ire. I focus my eyes on one of Christian's scars and sigh.

"She gave me a lecture about drug abuse…about drinking. She somehow managed to get a book before boarding the plane…It was called "Addiction and recovery"… God Christian it was awful…I can truly say that I had never seen my mom so mad before."

Christian mutters something under his breath and since I know that I really don't want him to repeat himself. I let it go.

"And then they released you from the hospital?" Christian says and moves us so that we are facing each other.

"Yes, they released me shortly after I woke up, however not before I got another lecture from the physician. Then when I finally arrived home Bob was there too."

"Bob?" Christian says surprised. "He wasn't injured this time?"

We both laugh at that because damn that man has an awful track record. He is worse than I am.

"No…" I say shaking my head. "He wasn't injured this time." I brush my fingers over my forehead and groan. "That was the longest week of my life." I snuggle closer to Christian. "My mom gave me an ultimatum… if I didn't get my shit back together she would tell Ray. That is when I decided that things would never be the same again in New York…not with Peter and Adam gone anyway. So I made plans and decided to move to Seattle…and the rest is history as they say…"

Since I really don't want to talk about that time anymore or that topic I pull the covers from our bodies and crawl on top of Christian. _He is really, incredibly handsome._

"What are you doing Ms. Steele?" He says pushing his hips against my pelvis.

"Nothing…" I reply as casually as possible…but then his phone buzzes. "You should probably get that…" I try to move back to my spot but his hand anchors me into place. "It is Taylor…just give me a second…" While he takes his phone from the nightstand his face turns into a scowl.

"Grey." He barks and then listens exactly for a few seconds before he ends the call without a single reply.

I raise my eyebrows expectantly. "Well that was rude." I say.

Christian simply shrugs and pulls my head closer and kisses the tip of my nose. "I need to leave in thirty minutes. I promised to get Mia from the airport." He brushes his lips against mine and whispers. "I need a raincheck though…" He grins.

 _Yes please._ "Raincheck…okay…"

"Do you have plans for today?" His fingertips are now brushing over my spine leaving a tingling feeling in its wake.

I groan and bury my head in the crook of his neck. God. He smells so good. "I need to go dress fitting for Elliot's and Kate's wedding."

"Fuck…that sounds…well just fuck…"

I simply murmur my confirmation because it really sucks.

* * *

"Those are not the clothes you were wearing yesterday." I say as I look at Christian. He is wearing a dark blue button down, dark gray jeans and a brown leather jacket that screams expensive.

"I had Taylor drop it off for me while you were in the shower." He replies casually while tugging at his sleeves. _Of course._

"Ok." I say and clear my throat. "So, what are your plans for today? Except for picking your sister up from the airport." I try not to look at him so he doesn't see the confusion in my face. Because shit this is confusing. Besides, we agreed to take this slow, so he probably doesn't want to even see me.

And…I don't want to come across as clingy.

"Ana stop…"

Blinking I stare up into those intense gray eyes. "What?" I stammer.

"Stop thinking…you are overthinking things." He says and takes a step forward. He places his fingers under my chin until I am looking at him.

"You asked what my plans where?" His thumb is now brushing against my lower lip…slowly.

I nod at him and cast my eyes downward.

"Well I was thinking to spend some time with my girlfriend." He sighs. "Ana look at me." He says more sternly. Slowly I turn my eyes to look at him.

"Do you want to spend time with me Ana?"

"Of course…I just thought…" I bite my lip and shake my head. "Never mind."

"You thought what. Jesus Ana…I can't read minds you know."

"I don't know Christian. I just thought that…maybe…things are different now…and you are this incredibly busy guy…I just don't want to …I mean…a billion dollar company surely doesn't run himself…and I just don't want you to feel…" I look around in the room trying to find the correct word.

"Just…" Taking a step back I shake my head and try to get rid of all those thoughts and feelings. This is so overwhelming and so confusing…because I want nothing more than spend all of my free time with Christian. But what if he doesn't want to spend his time with me?

"Never mind…just call me when…"

"You are rambling baby." Christian says closing the distance between us. He cups my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine.

"After I have picked my sister from the airport I am going to drive her to my parent's house. Afterwards I have to take care of some things in the office. And then I was planning on taking my girl out on a date…"

"But you must me incredibly busy…"

"I am. But you forget that I am the boss. I can work from anywhere Ana as long as I have my phone with me. If I want to take the evening off or the day or hell a month to spend with you…I will."

"Surely that is not possible."

"Unfortunately not always…but I can make a lot of things happen Ana. I made sure to surround myself with an excellent management team. And then there is Ross."

I smile when I think of the red haired woman I met in his office a few days ago. I really like her.

"Okay…I don't want you to feel…obligated." As the words stumble out of my mouth I immediately regret them. _Shit._

His eyes narrow into little splits and a stormy look passes through them. _Double shit._

"Obligated?" He breathes. "Is that what you fucking think? That I feel obligated to spend time with you?" Tightening his hold on my face he searches my eyes for …something.

"Anastasia, because of my own stupidity I have spent five years missing you…longing to be with you. I am not leaving you out of my sight. And that is not because I feel obligated…" He says spitting out the word as if it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. "But because I love you." His gray eyes bore into mine as if he is searching for something on my face.

 _I love you too._ I think to myself. I love you so much that it hurts, but I am not ready to reciprocate. I am holding on to those three little words until I am sure that I can trust him completely. Because I already gave him so much. I know from experience that being with Christian is something extraordinary. It is intense…beautiful…and you get lost so easily because of all those beautiful and amazing feelings. However…I can't stop that little nagging voice inside of my head, telling me that this won't last forever.

His smile fades when I just keep staring at him lost in my own thoughts. "Why don't you call me when you are finished with the dress fitting?" He says and takes a step back.

"Okay…I will."

"Do you want to come over to my apartment?" He says hopeful.

"Sure…" I try to smile as big as possible to make this awkward moment go away.

"I will text you the access code and you can park your car in one of my spots." He glances at his watch and closes his eyes releasing a breath.

"I need to go."

"Okay. Say hi to Mia for me." I walk with him to the door and watch as he puts on his shoes.

"Bye beautiful…" He says and I just can't bear to see him this crushed.

"Christian?"

"Yes."

"Remember when you asked me yesterday…you know in the car…when you found the box of condoms…if I had been with anyone else?"

Christian's hand freezes in the air and his expression turns worried. He swallows and nods.

"I handled that wrong…"

"No…" I take a step towards him. "I just wanted to let you know that there hasn't been anyone else…" _I just wanted to leave you guessing…I wanted to hurt you_.

Tucking my hands in my jeans pocket I stare at my feet. "I just wanted you to know."

The next thing I know is that Christian's lips are on mine.

 **Christian**

Mia has been talking non-stop since she jumped into my arms in the airport. I don't know if to blame jet-leg or that it is just her bubbly personality but she hasn't stopped talking. At this point I am ready to poke out my eardrum with a fork. I just hear little parts of her conversations as my mind keeps drifting off to Anastasia.

Her beauty, shyness…her perfect lips, those gorgeous, perfect eyes that fit perfectly into her pale face. Those little freckles scattered across that perfect nose…and even her tattoo. I never would have thought that Ana would have a tattoo…but it fits her. It is sexy. But most of all what makes my gut wrench with guilt is her lack of confidence…her rambling this morning whether I wanted to see her or not. I am not an idiot. I know that we can jump back at where we left off. I need to make sure that she trusts me again. I need to make sure that she knows that I won't run again. I need to make sure that she knows that I love her.

She didn't say it back. I saw in her eyes that it threw her of kilter. She wasn't expecting it. I have to admit…it hurt when she didn't reciprocate. _She needs time Grey._ I promised that we would do this on her pace and that is what we will do. It doesn't matter if I have to wait months or years before she is ready to say those three words…because I will.

Then she admitted that there had not been anyone else in those five years that we spend apart. I have never felt more pleased before. I know I am a fucking hypocrite, but it is not as if I fucked those woman because I enjoyed it.

"I mean really, they should forbid little kids to travel…" _bla bla bla…_ "And can you believe that they didn't want to serve me wine?" _... bla bla bla…_ "God I am glad to be home…even though it is just for two weeks." finally Mia leans back against the leather seat and looks at the passing scenery.

"Two weeks? I thought you told me that you were leaving after dad's birthday?"

"Mom begged me to prolong my stay for one week so that I could celebrate Christmas here in Seattle." She looks sad all of a sudden.

"How are mom and dad doing?" She asks seriously.

"Mom is fine…working you know. And dad…" I pause because I truly have no idea how my dad is doing. I barely see him. And my mom knows better than to mention my dad.

She sighs and turns her face to look at me. "Nothing has changed I guess? Both of you still manage to avoid each other?" She is right. I avoid Carrick at all costs. Nothing good comes out of a discussion between the two of us. There is already too much damage. Besides I don't want my mother to suffer more than she already is.

When I don't reply she sighs. "I don't understand Christian…first everything was fine. You were at Harvard, finally had a girlfriend, mom and dad were over the moon with Ana. You looked so happy and we all could see that Ana was good for you…I mean, I don't think I have ever seen you laughing and smiling as much as you did back then…the next thing I know I come home from school one day and mom and dad where fighting…it wasn't their usual bickering this was massive…dad was shouting, mom was crying. Dad even pleaded mom to listen to his reasons, but she wouldn't even let him finish talking…the next thing I know is dad moving out…" Her voice wavers at the end and she tries discreetly to wipe away her tears.

"Mia…this was a long time ago." I reach inside my pocket and hand her my handkerchief.

"And know you are back with Ana again…" She snaps. With the handkerchief in her hand she turns to look at me again. "I just hope that she doesn't break your heart again, because how I see it, Ana is the cause of all the shit that went down five years ago…" She bites out angry.

"We are here Sir…"

Mia has already opened her door before I even have the chance to reply. "Look at them…" She points with her chin to Carrick and Grace standing at the door. My dad has his arm casually draped over my mom's shoulder and my mother is sporting the biggest smile on the fucking planet. "Those happy faces are fake as shit. A front. Mom might have forgiven dad for whatever the hell he did, but she never forgot."

"Mia, that is not…"

She doesn't listen to me though, because without giving me another glance she steps out of the car, closes the door and runs towards our parents. Watching Mia and my parents together brings a small smile to my face. When I step out of the SUV to help Taylor with Mia's luggage I see my brother's truck parked on the driveway. Kate fucking Kavanagh's Mercedes is parked next to him. I glance at my watch. Kate is probably here to drive Mia to the dress fitting appointment.

"Christian! Sweetheart!" My mother says while she makes her way towards me. My dad has already disappeared inside with my sister. _Good._

Carefully my mother places her hands on my arms and kisses my cheek. "Why don't you join us for lunch?" She says hope filling her voice. "And don't tell me you have plans with Ana." She smiles knowingly. "Because I know that she is meeting Kate, Mia and the rest of the girls in an hour."

"I'm sorry mom…maybe next time…" I smile at her and guilt ripples through my body as I see her face fall. "I need to get some work done…" I quickly kiss her cheek.

"Say hi to Elliot…" She raises her eyebrow at me. "And Katherine…" I say reluctantly.

"Elliot will be so disappointed for missing you…they are taking a little walk around the premises."

Now it is my time to raise my eyebrows. _Bullshit._ Elliot and Kate are having a good time at the boathouse.

She gives me one of her motherly smiles and pats my arm. "Next time bring Ana with you."

"I will…" I say. However I just want to get the hell out of here before my dad decides to join my mother.

"Oh and Christian. I ran into Elena Lincoln this afternoon…" My mother pauses briefly when my dad motions for her to come in. "Someone is getting impatient." She says rolling her eyes playfully. "I will talk to you soon."

* * *

"What is the status on the background checks Taylor?" I ask.

"I just received a message from Welch Sir…he is working on it. He informed me that you will have the information on your desk by Monday morning."

"It is fucking Friday Taylor, why does it have to take so long for a simple background check?" I growl.

"You requested for the extensive background check Sir." He says without taking his eyes from the road. "Those take a little longer than usual." He continues.

"I want it sooner. Call Welch and tell him to make it happen."

Taylor's eyes flash to the rearview mirror and meets my eyes. He gives me a little nod before concentrating back on the road.

"I also need a CPO for Ms. Steele." I say. "I was thinking Luke Sawyer."

"Very well Sir, I will get right into it."

"I want to see him in fifteen minutes in my office at Escala."

"I will notify him immediately." Taylor replies and starts typing on his phone.

I know that Ana isn't going to like Sawyer following her around, but I need to do this. It is a fucking miracle that the paparazzi haven't spotted us yet. But the moment they see me with her hell is going to break lose and they will make her life impossible. Fuck! I just know that this is going to lead to another argument.

I should have made it clear yesterday that not having security is not an option. Now she thinks that she has a choice. And she hasn't. When it comes to her safety and well-being I am willing to have as many arguments as needed.

I understand her need for independence. I also understand that her job entitles a lot of travelling. And even though I am not happy about it…I will have to suck it up. If it is important to her, than it is important to me too. Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

But not having security is out of the question.

* * *

Pleased with the work that I got done, even with my mind wandering off to Ana every two fucking seconds, I close my laptop. I talked to Sawyer. He now knows what is expected from him. He is supposed to stay with Anastasia at all times, protecting her from threats and to avoid any risks.

I look at my watch and see that I still have thirty minutes until I get to pick up Ana from the boutique. I decided to take Sawyer with me so that they can get acquainted. Hopefully after that she wants to join me to the hospital to visit my buddy Theodore.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when my phone rings. "Grey!"

"Son, have you changed this damn elevator code again?" It is my grandfather and he sounds annoyed.

"No pops…it is still the same." I say laughing.

"Just give me the damn code boy…I am getting too old for this shit." He really is trying to sound stern but I can hear the chuckle in his voice.

After giving him the access code I quickly make my way to the elevator. As the door opens I see my grandfather with a grim look on his face.

"Pops?"

"Did I come over at a bad time?" He asks looking around in the living room.

"No…I am about to pick Ana up but I still have a few minutes." I point at the couch for him to sit down.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, I am good. Sit down Christian there is something I need to tell you." Robotically I sit down next to him. Something about his voice and his facial expression tells me that I am not going to like what he is going to tell me.

"I went golfing this morning with my buddy and he told me that Lincoln died of a heart attack."

"Lincoln? Elena Lincoln?"

"No son…her ex-husband." As I stare at my hands I try to digest the news my grandfather just shared with me. I didn't particularly like Simon Lincoln but somehow hearing that he died is weird.

He and Elena were best friends with my parents for a long time. That is until that summer when I returned back from my grandparents and I overheard my parents talking about Elena laying in the hospital. Rumors said that Simon had beaten the shit out of her. I never pegged him as a violent person, but then again…what the fuck did I know? I was fifteen years old at the time and was dealing with my own shit.

Immediately after being released from the hospital Elena moved to New York and I didn't see her until six years later with her proposition to work as an escort. Simon moved out of the house in Bellevue. He stayed in Seattle and remarried a few years later with a woman half his age. And now he is dead. Gone. _Well fuck._

"And then something else was brought to my attention." My grandfather stares at me with his brown, wise eyes. "Elena Lincoln visited Seattle a few weeks ago. She wants to open a beauty salon and she is looking for investors. She spoke to several investors but there was no one who was willing to grant her the loan she needed to open the salon. I suspect that her ex-husband made sure of that."

Of course he did. Simon Lincoln owned one of the biggest timber manufactories in the US.

"Simon Lincoln was a good man Christian." He sighs. "The biggest mistake he made was marrying that woman." My grandfather crosses his legs and lays his big, wrinkled hand on my knee.

"She is coming back isn't she?" I ask but I already know the answer.

My grandfather nods his head. "She is. You see Simon suffered from a heart condition for years now. It was a matter of time and Elena knew that. When Simon found out about her infidelity…" he stops to stare at me sadness clouding his eyes. "When he found out he lost his marbles…he caught her with a boy." I close my eyes and lower my head.

"In exchange to keep her preference for BDSM and young boys a secret, he forced Elena out of the state and she wasn't allowed to come back. I am going to make a few phone calls when I get home and see if there is something I can find out. I will keep you posted son."

But there is no one holding her back now. And now that bitch is coming back to wreak havoc. I just need to make sure that no one is willing to invest in her business.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 – Assumptions**

 **Anastasia**

Stepping out of my car I glance around and see Kate and Mia already waiting. They are standing by their cars, happily chatting away. I really don't see why dress fitting would make them happy, but maybe I am an anomaly. Mrs. Kavanagh is talking with another blonde girl. That has to be Celia…Kate's cousin. From what Kate told me Celia is…horrible, spoiled and conceited. Elliot even came up with an "adorable" nickname for her … Lucifer.

I take a deep breath and start walking towards the women who are all talking animatedly. God. There must be something wrong with me, because I know that all these women can't wait to try on multiple dresses, talk about colors, sitting arrangements and honeymoons.

"I can't wait for the bridal shower…" I hear Celia say excitedly.

"Oh I am sure that Ana has everything under control. She is after all my maid of honor." Kate says with a fake smile plastered on her pretty face. Then I stop dead in my tracks. Bridal shower? I am also responsible for the freaking bridal shower? Shit! I am the worst Maid of honor…ever.

"Ana! There you are!" Kate makes her way towards me and hugs me tight. "I already want to slap her." She whispers, what makes me giggle.

"Hey Kate." I whisper back. "Where is the rest? I thought you said you had six bridesmaids."

"My mom said it would be best not to bring the entire bridal party to shop for the first time. I think that with the five of us we can narrow down our initial choices." She says as she brushes some stray hairs from my face.

"I am sorry about Lucifer." She whispers again. "I had no other choice than to bring her with us. She is spending the Christmas holidays at my parents'."

"Oh shit…" I reply. Kate simply nods her head. _Shit indeed._

Kate's mother is as warm and welcoming as always. Mia and Lucifer…not so much.

Celia gives me a polite handshake while she eyes me up and down. Her eyebrows rise and her eyes land on my faded jeans. Mia simply turns around before I even have the chance to say anything. Kate's brows furrow confused as she sees it happen. I simply shrug but suddenly I feel completely out of place and uncomfortable. Maybe I should have dressed differently? With my heart beating against my chest I follow everyone into the bridal shop.

"Kate!" I grasp her elbow and pull her towards me just outside the shop.

"What is it sweetie?" She says smiling brightly.

"Do I look all right?" I point to my jeans. She furrows her brows again. "You look perfect Ana. You always look perfect. Ignore Celia…she is a bitch."

* * *

"I want to go first!" Celia says the moment we step into the bridal shop and starts clapping in her hands like a little girl and squeals. One look at Kate tells me that she really doesn't agree, however she refrains from telling her 'no' and simply sighs. _Wow…just wow._

"Of course Celia…" Kate smiles. "Mom…" Kate says looking at her mother pleadingly. Mrs. Kavanagh smiles and excuses herself. That leaves Mia and me alone while the three women disappear towards the dressing rooms. _Great._

Feeling extremely uncomfortable and out of place I start looking around. The walls are decorated with a one-color floral print. The flowers are white over a cream background. The ceiling is the same cream as the walls. The drape floor-length curtains on the sides of the windows are in a beautiful light blue color. They used the same material for the doorways of the dressing rooms. There is a decorative chandelier hanging from the ceiling and soft textured lights along the walls. They also added small table lamps around the main show area where we are sitting. The drape cloth over the rounded coffee table matches the curtains. There are oversized mirrors in decorative gold over the open wall space. These mirrors probably provide a full view for when someone tries on her gown. Looking around I see that there are mirrors at different angels to give multiple views. _Wonderful_. I think sarcastically. The walls are filled with glass shelves showing the tiaras, veils and garters. At the far corner, near the dressing room is a display of gowns in pastels.

Mia who is sitting to my left is completely ignoring me. From the moment Kate, her mother and Celia disappeared towards the fitting room she has been fidgeting with her phone and doing a wonderful job in ignoring me.

"How are you Mia?" I ask lamely. I almost palm face myself with the stupid question.

"I am fine." She says without looking up from her phone.

"You have changed in these five years." I continue. She has definitely grown up. She is not that awkward teenager anymore. She has grown up into a beautiful young woman. But why is she acting so rude? With an annoyed sigh Mia places her phone in her lap and turns her face to look at me. Her big brown eyes are boring into mine and the best way to describe her facial expression would be: angry.

"Look Ana…I don't know what you are trying to do but it won't work. I am not that fifteen year old girl anymore. All I know is that when you decided to leave my brother you broke his heart. I don't know what happened exactly but my family never got over it. My mom and dad almost divorced due to you breaking up with my brother. "She is talking rapidly and her face is getting redder by the second. It is like she has been bottling up her feelings for five years and now she finally gets the chance to unleash her frustrations.

"Mia…"

"Save it Ana. Like I said, I don't know what happened five years ago and I don't know why Christian decided to forgive you. I know that my brother was devastated when you left. He has been living like a freaking recluse these last years and I blame you. So, I suggest that for Kate's and Elliot's sake we act civilized otherwise I don't wish to talk to you."

"Like you said Mia, you have no idea what happened between Ana and Christian five years ago." Kate is now standing in front of us, her hands on her hips. Her face resembles thunder.

"Kate…" Mia says while rolling her eyes.

"No, you just listen to me you little spoiled girl." Kate hisses. "It was your brother who broke up with Ana and not the other way around. I am not sharing the details with you, because that is really not my story to tell…but maybe you should call your precious brother and ask him what went down five years ago. And with respect to what happened between your parents…" Kate shakes her head sadly. "Are you really that naïve to think that Ana has anything to do with that? Grow the fuck up Mia."

Mia's face has gone from red to ghostly white. Her eyes are wide as she looks from me to Kate. "Is that true Ana?" She whispers through her tears. "Was it my brother who broke up with you?"

I just nod.

"Oh God, I am so sorry….I am so extremely sorry. I just assumed …" She wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand and sniffs. "When you guys broke up…no one ever told me anything…and I just saw Christian's face when he came to Seattle that day …he was heartbroken." She glances at her hands and continues. "I saw him sitting in his car from my bedroom window…he looked devastated."Carefully she takes my hand in hers and squeezes softly. "When Christian told us that he had a girlfriend…well I never had seem him so happy before. I don't think Christian ever felt worthy of love…so when you came along and loved him…I was so happy for him." She shrugs and looks at me full of remorse.

"I am sorry Ana."

"It is okay Mia. I am glad that you love your brother as much as you do." I hug her and squeeze her tight. "He is very easy to love Ana…and I know that he can sometimes act like the biggest jerk, but in reality he is just a little boy who wants to be loved…just please don't hurt him okay?" She whispers.

"I won't." _I just hope he doesn't hurt me._

"Is it safe now to return back to the fitting room?" Kate says looking from Mia to me.

"Yeah, I will behave." Mia says and rises from her seat. "I desperately need a cigarette though." She says while digging through her mammoth purse.

"You smoke?" Kate and I ask simultaneously.

"Yep…just don't tell my brothers or my parents…I really don't want to be bothered with their lectures." She winks at us and makes her way to the door. She looks at me from over her shoulder and points towards the door. "Are you coming Ana?"

* * *

"God, it is freezing out here." Mia says and pulls her coat closer to her body. She glances into the bridal shop and raises her chin. "What's up with that Celia girl anyway?"

I shrug. "Elliot calls her Lucifer…"

"Really?" Well if my brother, who is the most laid back person…ever, calls her that…she has to be a handful…"

"All I know is that when Celia was a teenager her parents divorced. Her mom just took off. Kate's parents somehow felt sorry for Celia, who is an only child, and invited her over for the holidays. I had never met her before though."

"That sucks being left by your mom." Mia says pensive.

"I guess…" I admit. However that doesn't give her the right to act like she does.

"Christian looked happy this afternoon." Mia says glancing into the distance.

"I am happy too." I admit softly. However, it just seems as if I can't enjoy my time with Christian. Sure, I am happy when we are together. I enjoy our talks, the banter and the sexy times in the bedroom. Then again…somehow it seems like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like as if at any time he is going to end this again and leave me again.

"He didn't cheat did he?" She asks.

"No…he didn't…"

She doesn't reply she just keeps staring at the distance.

"Good." She replies. "I wouldn't want to kick his ass…" She says smiling sadly. "I am really sorry Ana. I just thought that the reason Christian quit Harvard was because you broke up with him. It was the only reason I could think about."

"So culinary school…tell me about it." I say trying to change the subject.

Mia slowly turns her face to look at me. "I only went to Paris to please my parents Ana. Sure I love cooking…" Her voice dies down and she throws her cigarette on the floor.

"But?"

"I only agreed to leave for Paris to escape home Ana." She says matter of fact. "I don't know if you know, but my parents separated for a few weeks. It was around the same time that Christian dropped out of Harvard…my mom simply kicked my dad out…he came back six weeks later, but I think that until this point my mom hasn't totally forgiven my dad." She says and looks at me sadly.

"I am sorry Mia."

"I just thought that I could escape…everything. The high expectations, the CPO's…but when my plane landed in Paris there was a car waiting for me to take me to my apartment. I didn't get to live with the other students…nope…my parents arranged an apartment for me and Christian made sure that I couldn't take one step without it being reported back to him." She shrugs. "It is suffocating."

"Are you going to finish culinary school?"

"I am…I just have a few months left. It would be stupid to drop out now. Besides what else should I do?"

"What is it that you want to do?"

"I want to travel. I would like to help people in need. I once read an article about Doctors without borders. I think it is fascinating what they do." She says staring at her hands. "I know that I don't have a doctor's degree, but there is so much help needed…I am sure I could do something."

"Then do it." I blurt out. "Follow your heart Mia…after you have finished culinary school of course." I add quickly.

She nods slowly and a small smile forms on her lips. "Maybe I will. Thank you Ana and welcome back."

"Let us get back inside to get this over with." I say and grab Mia's hand to drag her along with me.

By the time we reach our seats I notice that the little table is covered with little appetizers and champagne.

"At least we can numb ourselves while we watch this horror show!" Mia motions with her hand towards Celia who is standing in front of the mirror and gathers a champagne glass from the table.

"Look at the seamstress face…" Mia whispers a little too loudly. "She doesn't even know where to begin!" I tentatively reach for a glass of champagne and cover my smile with the glass.

"So what do you think?" Celia asks. Seeing her face she apparently loves how the dress looks on her. She is twirling around and looking at herself from all different angles.

"Are you sure that this is your size Celia?" Kate asks and gives her mother a worried look. Mrs. Kavanagh simply shrugs and gives Kate an apologetic smile.

"Absolutely!" Celia gushes.

Next to me Mia snorts. "How did she even manage to get into that dress?" She whispers next to me and grins.

I giggle and immediately cover my mouth when I see Celia glaring at us.

"Well? Annabel and Mia what do you think?"

"My name is Ana…" I say rolling my eyes. "And the dress is…well…" _too small._ "The color is…" _Horrible._ "…uhm…different?"

"Basically what Ana is trying to say is that your dress is a few sizes too small, too short, it shows too much cleavage… and really the color makes you look like a pumpkin." Mia blurts out.

Everyone gasps at Mia's bluntness and the sales clerk even takes a step back.

Celia's face gets redder and redder by the second. She is breathing so heavily that I am afraid that the seams are going to burst and her breasts are going to pop out any moment.

Mrs. Kavanagh takes a step forward and lovingly places her hand on Celia's arm. "What Mia is trying to say is that you should consider getting a bigger size…" When Celia's eyes get big she continues quickly. "Besides this is not the dress that Kate picked out for you…" Mrs. Kavanagh fingers the fabric and releases a breath. "As for the color…it really doesn't go well with your complexion…maybe you could try it in a different color…say blue?"

Celia is staring into the gigantic mirror. Jeez, she surely can see that that dress doesn't look good on her?

"Surely the seamstress can alter it?" She says still looking at herself in the mirror. Her voice doesn't sound as confident as a few minutes ago. There is this little tremor in it.

Mrs. Kavanagh stares at the seamstress and then back at Celia. I focus on Kate who is nervously twirling her hair. Her eyes have turned into little slits. _Oh shit._ I watch as Kate closes her eyes, as if she is counting to ten in hear head.

"I don't know…" Celia starts again. "I really love the color…and I know that this isn't Kate's first choice for the color…"

"No it isn't!" Kate says and she looks furious. "I choose light blue for the bride's maids and I chose another color for Anastasia since she is my maid of honor." Kate stamps her heels on the floor and I think she is ready to strangle her cousin.

"Kate…sweetheart…" Mrs. Kavanagh starts but Kate doesn't even acknowledge her.

"This is my wedding…" Kate says pointing her finger at her chest. "This dress looks horrible on you…it is unflattering and Mia was right you look like a fucking pumpkin!" Kate takes a step back and moves her head to both sides like she wants to relieve the tension that has been building up.

"Well that is also a way to say it…" Mia says grinning. "Maybe she can use that dress for Halloween…" She adds.

"I am sorry…" Celia starts. "I was just thinking outside of the box…"

"You leave the thinking up to me." Kate says and even though her tone has softened, her eyes haven't. Resigned Celia turns around and walks back to the fitting room.

"The moment she steps out of that dress, we need to confiscate it." Mia whispers in my ear. "Then we are going to perform a ritual offering." We both giggle.

"I think it is an excellent idea Mia."

* * *

"Ana it is your turn!" Mrs. Kavanagh says and extends her hand. She is smiling, but I can't help but notice the sadness in her eyes. Ever since Mr. Kavanagh cheated on her with a much younger woman the Mrs. Kavanagh I always knew vanished. She has now been replaced by an angry and bitter woman. But I guess that cheating does that to you.

I am guided towards a gigantic fitting room where the sales assistant is already waiting. The first thing I notice is the beautiful gold colored dress.

After ten mortifying minutes, where I had to strip down until I was only wearing my panties I look at myself in the mirror. Geez…I look like a completely different person.

"Now, why don't we let the rest see how stunning you look?" The sales assistant says friendly.

There are collective gasps the moment is step out of the fitting room. "Ana…that dress looks amazing on you…"

"Oh I love the embroidery…" Mia gushes. "You look absolutely stunning Ana…"

I look down at my dress and then back at my reflection. It is true. I can see myself from different angles. The bodice is completely embroidered and the dress is from multiple layers of tulle. The simple satin waistband finishes it off. I look really pretty. I wonder if Christian would like this dress.

Kate hands me a pair of shoes and even though I haven't seen the price yet, I just know these are going to be ridiculously expensive.

"Those will go perfect with the dress Banana…"

As is slip the gold colored Jimmy Choo's on I know that Kate is right. These shoes go perfect with the dress. I feel like a princess.

"Thank god this is over." Kate says slumping back in the comfortable couch. She looks at me and smiles broadly.

"Hey that is my line." I reply teasingly.

"Never thought to ever hear those words coming out of my mouth right Steele?" She winks at me smiling.

"Actually…no…especially since there was shopping involved." I tease her back.

"How you even can be around her is a mystery to me." Mia adds taking a sip from her champagne.

Kate shrugs. "I avoid her as much as possible." Kate says flatly looking at Mia. Lazily she reaches for the champagne glass and takes a sip. "I wanted to strangle her so badly…I mean couldn't she see that she looked horrible?" Mia and I smile as Kate start talking about her terrible cousin. Mrs. Kavanagh and Celia left to finish their shopping spree with a massage. We decided to stay for a while longer, since Kate thought that it would be shame to let the champagne go to waste. _I wholeheartedly agree._

Mia starts yawning for the umpteenth time this afternoon. "God, I am so sorry…" She says waving her hand in front of her mouth. "But I think the time difference is catching up on me…"

"Come, let me take you home Mia."

"Thank you for coming today." Kate says as she takes me in a warm hug. "I know that this isn't your most favorite thing to do."

"Where else would I be?" I whisper back.

Kate smiles at me and takes my hands in hers. "You look happy Ana. Like really happy."

"I am happy Kate."

"Good." Kate kisses my cheek and points to her car. "I am going to take little Miss Rebel home."

* * *

Back in my car I am about to call Christian when a knock on my window startles me.

"Jesus!" I say bringing my hand to my chest. "Christian…you scared me to death…" Grinning like an idiot he opens my door, grabs my hand and pulls me against his chest. "I'm sorry I startled you…but I just couldn't resist…you just looked so cute."

After a quick peck on my lips he releases me. He drapes his arm around my shoulders, tugs me closer to him and kisses my temple. His actions come across as very possessive and a small part of me really likes this.

"Ana I would like to introduce you to Luke Sawyer." Christian says. His voice changing from loving to business like. It is only now that I see Taylor and another younger looking guy standing a few feet from my car. _I know him._ That was the massive guy who didn't want to grant me access to Christian's office a few days ago. What I didn't notice the other day is that he is exceptionally good looking though.

"Hi" I say giving him a little, awkward wave.

"Ms. Steele." He says with a nod of his head.

"Anastasia. I have assigned Sawyer as your CPO." Christian says and his tone is still in business-mode.

"But I thought…you said..." I stammer. I look from Christian to the stoically looking Sawyer. _He said that I could think about this._

"You need a CPO Anastasia." Christian's eyes don't leave mine as he tells me this and I can almost hear my mother's voice chanting in my ear. _"Pick your battles Anastasia…pick your battles."_

I let out a conceding sigh. "This is really important to you isn't it?" I whisper.

"Your safety and well-being is extremely important to me Anastasia." He replies without hesitating.

"Okay." I admit.

"Okay? Just like that?" Christian says looking bemused. I simply shrug.

"You are not going to stomp your little, dainty foot? You are not going to cross your arms in front of your chest and huff that you don't need a babysitter?"

I raise my eyebrow and look at him. "I can do all of those things if you want." I deadpan.

"No…" Christian shakes his head and smiles brightly. "I am just…"

"Surprised…" I finish for him. "I know." _I am even surprised at myself._

"Good. That's settled then. I need you to e-mail Sawyer your schedule. He will accompany you to your work and other appointments that you have."

"I don't want a driver…" I say and I sound like a child, but I really don't care at this point. I think I have been very forthcoming with this whole 'bodyguard' thing that I think is totally ridiculous and overdone.

Christian's brow furrow slightly and then he sighs. "Okay…he won't be driving you. But you have to tell him at all times where you are going. Also last minute's appointments Ana."

"Deal…"

"Okay. Let's go then…" Before I have the chance to respond Christian is tugging me towards the black SUV Audi that is parked right in front of my car.

"Where are we going Christian? And what about my car?" I say tugging at his hand.

"I want you to meet someone. And as for your car just give Sawyer your keys and he can drive your car back to your apartment…you won't be needing it today." And just like that, Christian has everything figured out and is in total control. Too tired to argue I hand Sawyer my keys.

"Who do you want me to meet?"

"Remember the donuts I gave you?" He says giving me his shy smile.

"Yeah I remember…" _They were delicious._

"Well that same day I met someone and I really want you to meet him. He really gave me some good pointers to win back my girl." He wiggles his eyebrows playfully and kisses the tip of my nose.

I giggle. This is so very unlike Christian.

"Okay, then lets meet this guy…"

"It is a boy actually…" Christian replies.

"A boy?"

"Yeah, he is probably eight or nine years old."

"And where are we going to meet him?"

"Seattle Grace."

"Oh is he sick?"

"No…he wears a prosthetic and he needed an operation. I didn't ask for the details because I got this feeling that he didn't want to talk about it."

Poor little guy I think as I watch the scenery pass. "Just one thing Ana…" Christian says smiling.

"What's that?"

"Don't call him cute…" He raises his eyebrow urging me not to argue with him.

"Why would you even say that?"

"Because you always do that." When I look at him quizzically he just nods. "Remember that couple in Boston that lived in the same apartment building I did?"

"Uhm yeah…"

"Well you were always gushing about their little boy…how cute he was…"

"Christian that was a baby…"

Christian rolls his eyes and shrugs. "Still Ana…a boy doesn't want to be called cute….ever…"

 _Whatever_.

"So how do you want to spend the rest of the day?" Christian says while he is holding my hand. I look at Taylor who is driving and then at Christian. _God. This is weird._

"I know I said I was going to take you out for dinner. But if you'd rather stay and watch a movie…" Christian shrugs.

"I would like to stay in…" I say and suddenly I feel shy.

"I would love if you would spend the night with me…" He says and leaves a trail of kisses from my temple to my jaw.

"Christian…Taylor can hear everything…" _God, this is not weird it is uncomfortable._

"Don't mind him Ana." Christian says dismissing it.

"If I stay the night I need to stop at my apartment for a few minutes to get some clothes…pajamas…"

"I'd rather you sleep naked…" Squeezing my hand he turns to Taylor. "Taylor, hospital and then Ms. Steele's apartment."

* * *

Christian was totally right. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to refrain myself in telling Theodore how cute he is. When we entered his room he was laying on the bed with an adorable little girl next to him. They were watching something on his iPad. The moment he saw Christian his beautiful brown eyes lit up and they haven't stopped talking since. Every now and then Theodore looks at me, gives me a shy smile and then continues his conversation with Christian. They are talking in hushed tones since the little girl, who I assume is his sister, fell asleep. _She is adorable._

"So, Theodore…I want you to meet my girlfriend." Christian says and tugs me closer. "Theodore this is Anastasia, Anastasia meet Theodore…an excellent advisor and my partner in crime."

Theodore laughs softly. He is beaming with pride though. "Theodore it is a pleasure to meet you." I say extending my hand.

"Hi…" He says shaking my hand. "Christian told me a lot of things about you." He says seriously.

Releasing my hand he wraps his arm protectively around his little sister.

"I told you it would work…" He whispers. "And she is really pretty…" He says now inching closer to Christian.

"I know…" Christian nods knowingly. _Cocky bastard._

"So how have you been doing?" Christian asks sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Your mom told me that the surgery went well, but that you unfortunately had a minor setback?"

Theodore's expression gets a little sad, but surprisingly he recovers fairly quickly. "It was a little infection…nothing really serious. But because of that I will have to stay a few days longer in the hospital." He fidgets with the sheet and looks up at Christian. "My dad had bought me tickets to see the New York Rangers play and now I can't go because I will have to stay longer in the hospital."

"The New York Rangers you say?" I ask and step a little closer, making sure not to wake the little angel.

"Yeah…you know them?"

"I sure do!" I exclaim happily. Christian's head swirls in my direction squinting his eyes at me.

"Really? Like really know them?" Theodore asks and he is getting excited by the second. _God, he really is a cutie._

 **Christian**

And just like that I am fucking chopped liver. The moment Ana mentioned that she knows a few players from the New York Rangers Theodore has been asking her questions nonstop.

"Do you know all of them?" Theodore asks and he just simply can't believe that Ana knows those ice hockey players. _Neither can I…_

"I have met all of them…" Ana admits proudly. "But I know one of them really well…I could ask him to send you a t-shirt and maybe an autograph…"

Theodore nods his head enthusiastically. "Who is it?"

"His name is Nick Santos…"

"Oh shit! You know Nick Santos? He is my favorite player!" Theodore practically bounces off his bed from excitement.

"Cool!" Ana says grinning and she even high fives him.

"You know what? I am going to send him a text right now…"

"You know…" I start glancing at Ana who is typing away on her phone. "I have met the president of the US on a few occasions…"

"Uhm okay…" Theodore reacts but honestly I expected a little more enthusiasm. I mean for fucks sake! We are talking about the president and not some lame ice hockey player!

"And every once in a while I have lunch with Mark Zuckerberg…you know he founded Facebook?"

"Cool man…" He says but his eyes are pinned on my girlfriend.

* * *

"You are jealous…" Ana says when we are back in the car.

"I am not…" I say and fuck even to my own ears I sound like a little petulant boy. She is right. _I am jealous._

She sighs and turns to look at me. "Christian…it was only a photoshoot. Peter was supposed to do it but he got sick and I replaced him. They were all wearing their clothes…so there is really nothing to be jealous about…besides I didn't really make a good impression." She continues. "The photoshoot took place on the ice and you know that I can't ice skate…"

"And how come that you know that Santos fucker personally?" I growl.

"Because he was friends with Peter…but he is very happily engaged to his very beautiful fiancée…"

When I don't reply but keep staring out of the window Ana sighs again.

"It has only been you Christian…I just wanted to make that little boy happy. He seemed so crushed that he couldn't go to the game…" She reaches for my hand and squeezes.

"Besides Christian…you are surrounded by beautiful women every day at the office…" _I am?_

"I mean even your assistant is beautiful." _Andrea?_ Andrea is very efficient and professional. She is the first assistant that doesn't bat her eyelashes at me or twirls her hair every time I look at her.

"Andrea is my assistant Ana. And I don't find her attractive."

Ana lets go of my hand and I immediately feel like an asshole.

"I am sorry you are right…I am jealous…" I admit. "I am acting like an idiot and I am sorry…"

"You really need to stop it though Christian."

"I know…" I say sincerely.

"Good…" She quickly kisses my cheek and leans back into the seat.

"What is on your mind…" I ask.

"We still need to arrange Elliot and Kate's bachelor party Christian."

"Fuck I know. Do you have any ideas?"

Ana shakes her head but I see the blush creeping up on her face. "What? Why are you blushing Ms. Steele? What is going on in that pretty head of yours?" I probe.

She snorts and opens her eyes to look at me. "It is just that Kate mentioned that she wanted a cock-fest…" She blushes as she looks at me.

I surely didn't understand that correctly! A cock-fest? She has to mean a cocktail party. Isn't that trending at the moment? Fuck, I hope that it is a cocktail party what she means.

"I'm sorry…what was that?"

"You heard me Christian."

"A cock-fest?" I growl.

Ana shrugs and bites her lip. "You know Kate…"

"And what does a cock-fest entail?" I ask…but just to be really, really sure.

"Basically it means that she wants to see as many naked penises as possible before she gets hitched…she mentioned Vegas." Ana replies rolling her eyes.

What the hell? Kate fucking Kavanagh wants to spend her bachelorette party ogling dicks in Vegas before she marries my brother. I don't know why it surprises me though. I mean, Elliot also mentioned that he wanted strippers. Because according to him a real bachelor party has to have strippers. I say bullshit to that.

Ana giggles and looks at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. _She is beautiful._

"I love that sound Ms. Steele… I definitely missed it." I say and brush my fingers across her cheek.

Entwining our fingers she looks at me for a few seconds and sighs. Carefully she leans her head against my shoulder and I feel happy and content. I can only hope that she feels the same.

The feeling is immediately squashed when we drive passed a beauty salon. The conversation I had with my grandfather about Elena immediately pops up in my head and I know that I have to share it with Ana. However, seeing her smiling and content, I can't bring myself up to do it. I will tell her later…


	19. Chapter 19 - Memories

**Chapter 19 - Memories**

 **Anastasia**

"Oh shit!" I moan. "That stupid elevator is out or order again!"

Christian chuckles softly. Before I have a chance to ask what the hell he is laughing about, I feel his hands on my hips and he is throwing me over his shoulder. "Christian! What are you doing?" I cry out.

"I am carrying my girlfriend up the stairs."

"But you shouldn't…I am heavy and…" I am silenced with a strike against my bum. _What the hell?_

"Shut up Ana!" Christian growls. "You are not heavy. Actually you are skinny…"

"I am not!" I argue. But honestly hanging upside down is not a very comfortable way to argue.

Another strike. "Yes, you are. So shut up and let me carry my girlfriend up the stairs…"

When we finally reach my door I hand Christian my key and still hanging over his shoulder he effortlessly opens the door and steps inside closing the door behind us with his foot. Slowly he lets me glide down off his body until we are standing facing each other.

"Fuck! I missed you today…" Quickly he turns me around until my back is against the door and kisses me. He pushes his hand underneath my sweater and I shiver as his cold hand makes contact with my warm skin. He pushes his hips against mine and moans in my mouth.

When my hands reach for his belt he stops kissing me and leans his head against my forehead.

"What?" I ask.

"Not like this Ana…I don't want to take you against your door when I make love to you for the first time again…I just won't…"

Even though it makes sense, I can't help but feel rejected. Maybe he just doesn't want to make love to me anymore. I mean…

"Stop!" Christian growls. "Christ! Anastasia I can practically hear you thinking…"

"Of course…you're right…"

"Ana…listen to me. I mean it. I really mean it when I say I don't want to fuck this up again. I want our first time to be special okay?"

"Okay." I say clearing my throat. "Now, let me get some things and we can go to your apartment."

Christian follows me around my apartment as I gather my things. Pulling a duffel bag from my closet I throw it on my bed.

"You don't need to pack a pajama Ana…" Christian says and puts the pajama I pulled out of my drawer back in it. "I prefer you sleep naked, besides you always wore my t-shirts to bed." He shrugs and wanders through my room opening and closing drawers.

He stops and takes a framed photograph and stares at it for a long time. "This is a beautiful picture…" He says holding it up. "Yeah, that was from one of the few times that I had my parents together…I don't have many pictures with the two of them."

Placing the photo back on the drawer he picks another one. "Who is this?" He growls.

"That is Peter." I sigh. "Someone took that photo when we were doing a shoot together." Christian simply nods his head, places the photo back on its spot and shoves his hands in his pockets.

"You looked very happy." He says solemnly.

I shrug. "I was happy." _Sort of…_ "Peter was a great guy."

"You don't have any pictures of us…"

Slowly I lift my head to meet his eyes. He looks downright upset about this and I don't understand.

"Christian…"

"I know…I know. I broke up with you…you probably burned all of our pictures."

"I didn't…" _I tried_. "I couldn't okay?"

I walk into my small walk in closet and pull a box from the top shelf. "Here are our pictures. All of them…"

While I continue putting stuff into my duffel bag, Christian is sitting in the middle of the bed looking at our pictures.

"You smiled a lot back then…" He says and looks up at me. "I haven't seen you smile like this since…"

"I smile…" I object cutting him off.

Without answering me the frown on his face grows and he throws the photographs back in the box and closes it. He looks at my chest of drawers and the picture from me and Peter and brushes his hands through his hair.

Placing the stack of clothes I was holding on my nightstand I crawl on the bed and straddle Christian.

"Don't Christian…I know you are probably blaming yourself…just don't okay? I need time…I need…"

"You need to trust me again." He says.

"I do…" I kiss the tip of his nose and wrap my arms around his neck. _Just give me a little time…_

"I meant what I said that I don't intend on hurting you again Ana."

"I believe you…" I whisper and since I can't bear to see the intensity radiating from his eyes I bury my face in the crook of his neck.

"Are we good?" He asks uncertain.

"Of course we are." I reply without hesitating.

"Then dance with me." He says out of the blue. Christian is already making an effort to stand from the bed with me in his arms.

"But there is no music."

Retrieving his phone from his pocket he taps a few buttons until music is filling the room. He throws the phone on his bed and pulls me against his chest. And this is how we dance to this beautiful but also very sad song.

"Listen closely to the lyrics baby." Christian breathes in my ear.

"… _We've been through tougher times, you know it gets worse  
We can turn this around please let me be first  
And as I feel your tears spilling on my shirt  
Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you…"_

As I close my eyes I do a Christian just asked me. I listen to Adam Levine singing about a relationship that is gradually breaking. Realizing something is wrong and that it needs to be changed.

" _Please don't lose your faith  
Don't worry 'cause I'm here to keep you safe  
I promise if you let me see your face  
That I won't let you down  
I won't let you down  
I'm here to wipe your eyes"_

It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. He wants her to trust him again, let him embrace her. He won't let her down is she opens her heart and he tries to make her understand that he will always be there for her to wipe her eyes.

 **Christian**

As I pour us both something to drink I watch Ana walking around my living room. She seems uneasy. Every now and then she stops to look at something. She is standing now in front of the wall to ceiling windows, with her arms wrapped around her waist, admiring the view. When she turns around our eyes meet and she gives me a shy smile. "The view is breathtaking Christian. I could sit hours on that chair and just stare." I nod at her because I also find the view breathtaking, but I am not talking about the same view as she is…I am talking about her.

Her eyes roam the room until they stop at the piano. Her eyes quickly shift to mine; she raises her eyebrow while cocking her head to the side and grins.

"Fun memories right?" I say breaking the silence.

"Yeah…" She replies and brushes her fingertips over the piano. "We could have been caught you know." She says.

"But that was what made it even better right?" I say remembering the day we had sex on top of my parents piano at Bellevue during one of the times Ana stayed with me.

"Exciting…" She says and it is like she is talking to herself. Her eyes have a faraway look as she stares at the piano.

Grabbing the champagne glasses from the counter I make my way to my beautiful girl.

"Thank you…" She says taking the champagne from me. "Are we celebrating?"

"I think we have a reason to celebrate don't you think?"

Instead of replying she raises her glass and smiles. "To us…"

"To us."

Tentatively she takes a sip from her glass and moans softly. "Gosh…this is really good stuff…" She says and her eyes quickly move to mine.

"Here let me take your coat."

Ana places the glass of champagne on the counter and gives me her coat. When I return she is sitting on the chair that gives her that excellent view of the city.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Nervously her eyes shoot to mine and she swallows. "I was thinking about the last time we drank champagne together. Do you remember?"

"I do…" How could I fucking forget? It was the night I asked her to marry me.

 _Flashback_

" _Wow Christian." Ana says taking in her surroundings. "The food was absolutely delicious."_

 _I can't even speak. I am to fucking nervous to even be able to form a normal sentence. Ana doesn't seem to notice though as she looks around her with wide, twinkling eyes._

" _You still haven't told me what the occasion is?" She says fumbling with the napkin. "Are we celebrating something?"_

 _Hopefully. I think._

 _Still she doesn't find my silence suspicious so she keeps talking. "Oh…is this about that business plan? Did you show it to your dad?" She asks excited._

" _No…it is not about the business plan."_

 _From the distance I see that waiter approaching with a tray carrying two glasses of champagne and two covered plates. Just like I ordered._

 _I start nervously pulling at my tie. It seems as if this damned thing is cutting away all the oxygen I have. Because I am incredibly nervous. And it is not like I am doubtful, it is because I don't know how Ana is going to react. I mean we are young. Is she willing to marry me? Is she willing to share the rest of her life with me? Because I sure as fuck want to share the rest of my life with her. I want to build up my business with her at my side. I want to grow old with her. Because since the moment I saw her the first time walking around at Harvard, she took my breath away. There was no way to avoid her and I sure as fuck tried. Because from the first moment something happened to me…I started feeling things I had never felt before. She was the only girl on campus who didn't put u with my attitude. Because I surely behaved like a moron at first. Any other girl would have put up with my stupid attitude just to get close to me. But not Ana. Then little by little Ana showed me how it was to do normal stuff like hanging out together, studying, kissing, making out and making love without being dominated or punished. Just the things a normal twenty year old was supposed to do. She pulled me out of my miserable life. And now one year later I can't imagine my life without her. Ana is my more._

" _Are you feeling all right Christian? You look a little pale." Ana extends her hand over the table and I don't hesitate in entwining my fingers with hers. I don't have to react because the waiter arrives at our table with the champagne glasses._

 _With a totally, exaggerated gesture he places the champagne glasses on the table. Next he places the covered plate in front of Ana. The fucker smiles mysteriously and leaves our table._

 _Smiling Ana looks confused at the plate in front of her. So fucking cute._

" _Christian." She whispers. "I think they made a mistake…I didn't order dessert…" Her blue, confused eyes shoot to mine._

" _It is not a mistake." I say clearing my throat._

 _She looks even more confused when she glances at me. "Oh." Is her only reaction._

" _Christian, what is this. And you are acting strange…" She looks really nervous now and I really can't blame her. Straightening my tie I rise from my seat and get down on one knee next to my nervous looking girl._

" _Please remove the cover." I say pointing at her plate._

" _Wh…Why?"_

" _Please Ana."_

 _Biting her lip I watch her reaching for the plate cover with trembling fingers. Underneath is a red velvet cupcake topped off with whipped cream. On top of that whipped cream is an engagement ring._

 _Ana giggles nervously and her eyes move from the cupcake to me. "Christian…what…what…"_

" _Ana…" I say taking her cold hand in mine. "Once upon a time, a boy met a girl. She gave him her hand and he held it tight. Together, they set of down the unknown path in front of them. Sometimes they walked slowly; sometimes at a quicker pace. Sometimes they ran so fast it felt kind of like flying. Whenever he lost his footing, she steadied him and whenever she tripped, he helped her back up. Whenever she grew weary, he would carry her. Sometimes they didn't know in which direction to go, but though they would occasionally lose their way, they never lost each other. They wandered contentedly and lived happily, forever and always side by side."_

 _I watch Ana smile through her tears as she gives me that look. It is that look full of love and trust._

" _Anastasia Rose Steele…I love you. I want to wander with you…contentedly and live with you by my side forever. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"_

 _End flashback_

Different then all those years ago when I asked her to marry me Ana is not showing any emotions at all. She is staring blankly ahead.

"Once upon a time …" She whispers and that is when I see the tears in her eyes. She releases a shaky breath and straightens her shoulders.

I nod and pull her towards me. Guilt is eating me alive right now. I caused this woman so much pain and hurt that I don't even know if she will ever be able to completely forget what I did to her.

"Why don't we leave the past where it is? We need to focus on the future Christian." Ana says smiling through her tears. "That is the only way to keep going."

"Okay…"

"Now Mr. Grey, I want a tour of your huge apartment!" Wiping the tears from her eyes she looks at me and the smile is back on her face.

Throughout the tour Ana is exceptionally quiet. The only time she reacts is when I show her my bedroom that in contrast to the guest rooms actually has a color.

I can't really blame her since the rest of the rooms aren't particularly special. I mean…white is white.

"Who decorated your apartment?" She says looking back at the guestroom.

While I look at the room I understand why she isn't completely enthusiastic. The fact why I didn't give more attention at decorating the apartment was because I simply didn't give a fuck. It is not as if I have guests staying over. My office is the room where I spend most of my time. Hopefully with Ana that will change.

"Gia Matteo decorated the apartment." I reply and immediately Ana's face crumbles in disgust.

"You know her?"

Ana snorts as she walks into the guestroom. "Yeah, I know her. Kate mentioned her and I met her one time when we were out for a drink. Elliot was with us that day." She says looking back at me and raising her eyebrow.

 _And that was probably not a nice meeting._

"Seeing your expression you don't like Ms. Matteo?"

Ana shrugs. "I don't know. I really have a problem with women who don't give a fuck to flirt with a guy who is engaged to be married. I mean Kate was there." She shakes her head disapprovingly.

"I have to agree with Kate though…Gia Matteo is beautiful. However I was also told that she was a very talented interior designer, but I think I don't agree with that statement."

"Why is that?"

"Because your apartment doesn't reflect you at all." She looks at me and blushes. "It is cold and impersonal. You are neither of them."

"But that is…"

Dismissing me she waves her hand in the air and sighs. "Don't say that you don't have a heart. I am just saying that if she would have spent a little more time in trying to get to know you instead of salivating at the ruthless businessman and eligible bachelor…and looking past his billions, she would have found out that he isn't cold or aloof." Closing the space between us she wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me. "Because the guy I know is kind and has a big heart. He is a philanthropist and overall just a very good guy." Standing on her toes she swiftly kisses my lips and takes a step back.

"I bet she came on to you too." She says matter of fact. Instead of awaiting my answer she walks out of the room and yells over her shoulder. "I am hungry!"

When I catch up with her she is already standing by the stairs smiling. "There is still one room I need to show you." I say and hear the nervousness in my voice.

"Another guest room? Because I think I have seen them all." She says pouting as I guide her to the end of the hallway.

"No it isn't another guest room." Kissing her temple I motion to the door with my hand. "Open it."

"Jesus you are acting weird Grey…what the hell is behind this door?"

"Just open the damned door Anastasia…" I grumble and she just rolls her eyes.

The room is enveloped in complete darkness. When I turn on the lights Ana gasps and brings her hands to her mouth.

"You have a library?" She says disbelievingly. "You have a freaking library in your apartment?"

As she slowly enters the room I feel my heart beating against my ribcage. _Fuck, what is she doesn't like it?_

"This is exactly like the library I described when we were at Harvard?" She looks back at me.

I shrug and suddenly I don't know how to behave.

"Why?" She asks still looking around.

"I don't know. I needed to do this. I came here especially when I missed you." _And that was a lot._

"I love it…I mean you even have the vintage world map…" She points at the wall. "And the globe…a vintage globe…" She whispers. "I don't know what to say…" Ana is now looking back at me. "It is exactly how I described it… She giggles. "Not that I ever thought I would have one though." She finishes in another whisper.

"Now you do." I say. "I build this for you…with you in my mind."

She surprises me by jumping in my arms and squeezing the living fuck out of my neck. "I really love it…I really, really am officially in love with your library." She says all excited.

 _And I am officially in love with you._

* * *

"You never showed me the photo's you made at the interview."

"I didn't?" She says quickly. She blushes and avoids eye contact.

"No. And since this was the first time I didn't mind being photographed." I shrug. "I think I am actually going to enjoy watching those photos." Looking at the table I spot her laptop. "You can show me on your laptop right?"

Her eyes nervously move to the laptop and then back at me.

"God, this Chicken Marsala is to die for." She says and moans exaggeratedly while quickly taking another bite. Still avoiding any eye contact she takes a sip from her wine. "Make sure to compliment your housekeeper." She says taking another bite.

"Why don't you want to show me the photos?"

She squirms on her chair and then her eyes finally meet mine. "I guess I can show them to you…" She says silently. With a huff she places her napkin on the counter and hops of the barstool. Biting her thumbnail she mindlessly stares at the screen waiting for it to start.

"Here it is…" She closes her eyes and puffs out a breath.

 _What the hell is this?_

"I think I need to take a few more pictures." She says barely audible. "You know…it will only take five minutes or so…and…and I can ask Natalia for another picture."

"Ana…how many photos are here?"

"Four hundred." She whispers.

"Why are there only photos of me?" I ask scrolling through the pictures. Christ I remember that Natalia even posed with me for a few pictures, but she is nowhere to be seen. Or just the back of her head.

"Why aren't there any photos of Natalia?" I ask but keep my eyes strained on the screen.

"I guess the camera didn't like her very much." Ana answers after a few seconds.

I keep clicking photo after photo. Most of them are close ups of my mouth and my eyes.

"Look I was just nervous…" Ana says irritated and tries to close the lid.

"I don't believe you. I have seen your work Ana…" I look at her and then it hits me. She is jealous.

Focusing back on the photographs on the screen I scroll down. There is one photo of me standing with Natalia. This is the only photo where her face is actually visible. But what the fuck has she done?

"What's that?" I say and point to the photograph.

"I just wanted to make her a little less perfect." She says casually. "I mean that woman is so damn perfect it is annoying." She says irritated. "She has the perfect smile, perfect teeth, and perfect boobs and then she has legs that go on forever and she is so damn nice it is nauseating."

"You are jealous." I say smiling. This time I push the laptop away and take Ana on my lap.

"I am okay? Happy?" She huffs.

"You have nothing to be jealous about Ana."

She rolls her eyes and grabs the collar of my shirt. "Just look at her and look at me. Do you know that my shirt was actually stained when I got into that interview? Do you know that I felt like a freaking midget standing next to miss-perfectly-nice?"

"I looked at her and I didn't see anything special." I say taking her hands in mine. "And now I am looking at you. You are perfect."

"Don't worry." She says. "I have more photographs on my camera. I will erase the one where I made her face green and painted little horns on her head." Biting her lip a wicked smile forms on her lips. "Have you actually seen what I did with her feet?" Fidgeting with the collar of my shirt she continues. "I know I shouldn't say this, but I actually had fun." After kissing the tip of my nose she leans her head on my chest but jumps up slightly as her phone buzzes against the table. "I should get that…it is my mother." She says apologetically and slides of my lap.

"Hey mom." She says brushing her hairs from her eyes.

"No, I am at Christian's apartment." Her eyes move to mine and she blushes. Turning around she walks towards the window. She listens for a while and then she sighs. "I am just not ready to talk to him mom. Just tell him that I am fine and that he has to stop calling me every day."

"Yes mother I know…" She says brushing her fingers against her forehead. _She is getting impatient._

"Look I have to go. I love you mom and say hi to Bob." She turns around again and walks in my direction still holding the phone against her ear. _Guess her mother isn't finished._

"Hmm hmm…okay I will tell him." She replies and this time she blushes.

"Love you too mom…bye" Ana drops the phone on the couch and sighs. "I am sorry about that. Seems that my dad called her."

"Maybe she is right and you should talk to him." I say carefully.

"Maybe." She shrugs. "But not now."

"What more did she had to say?" I pull her back on my lap and look into her eyes.

"She told me that she was happy that we were back together, but if you ever hurt me again, that she wouldn't hesitate in taking the first plane to Seattle. She said that you were smart enough to know what would happen if that were the case."

I give her a small smile and nod.

"Talking about parents." I brush a few hairs away from her face and take a deep breath. "I was meaning to ask you if you wanted to join me at my dad's birthday coming Saturday."

"Are you sure your parents want me there?" She asks confused.

"My parents love you Ana. And my mom has been bugging me nonstop to take you there for dinner. And she would be absolutely delighted if you came with me."

"I think I am free, so yes, love to go with you to your dad's birthday." She says giving me a small smile.

"And then I wanted to ask you if you want to go with me to New York a few days earlier. You said you had that exhibition from Peter and I have some business to attend to." I say. "I would like to spend Christmas with you in New York…that is of course if you don't have any plans with your parents." I add quickly.

Sadness passes her eyes when I mention if she has plans to spend Christmas with her parents.

"My mom came to visit me because she and Bob had already made plans for Christmas and my dad…" She gives me a small smile. "Never mind. I won't be spending Christmas with my dad this year."

"So?"

"Oh…uhm when do you want to leave?"

"Right after my father's birthday."

"That is in a week from now right?" Tucking her hair behind her ear she smiles. "I would love to spend Christmas with you in New York Christian." And fuck. My chest feels a thousand times lighter after her answer and I feel like the luckiest man alive.

 **Anastasia**

Looking at Christian while he is chewing the inside of his cheek I remember how easily it is to get lost in him. It is almost scary to see how easily we have fallen back in our routines. Feeding each other throughout dinner, eating from each other's plates, cooking together. It is amazing and I feel really happy. When doubt creeps in I push it away…I don't want to keep thinking about what might happen…I need to trust him. What I really would like is to let all my walls down and enjoy those butterflies in my stomach.

The evening progressed in a relaxed way, that until he received a phone call.

When he looked at the caller ID his brow furrowed, his lips formed a thin line and he send the call to voicemail. His phone that he placed on the table in front of us after we finished dinner hasn't stopped buzzing and bleeping since that moment. He doesn't even look at who is calling anymore. Instead he is doing a poor job of ignoring the incoming phone calls while we are cuddled on the couch, watching a movie. However he isn't paying much attention since he hasn't mentioned once how stupid the movie is. He is fidgeting and restless…and that is something extremely rare on Christian.

"Hey you all right?" I ask and weave my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah sure…" He mumbles. At that same moment his phone buzzes against the table and his fist clench.

"Maybe you should answer that." I say pointing to the phone. Because I don't think this person is going to stop calling until he answers that freaking phone.

"No. I really shouldn't. I promised you that we would spend the evening together without any interruptions."

"Christian, I understand that you run a billion dollar business and I understand if you have to take that phone call." He doesn't reply he simply stares at the television screen and entwines our fingers.

The phone stops and immediately begins buzzing again. _Jesus._

Before he even has the chance to respond I bolt from the couch and look at the caller ID. And I really shouldn't have looked. Incoming call…Elena Lincoln. _Shit._

With the phone clutched in my hand I stare from the screen to Christian's scowling face.

"It is not what you think Ana."

"Explain then please, because if you…"

"Please sit down." He urges trying to grasp my hand. I simply take a step back and throw the phone back on the table as if it were on fire.

"No…no I don't want to sit. I want you to explain to me why in the hell she has your phone number. Are you still talking to her? After all that she did to you?"

"I don't know why I keep her phone number but I haven't had any contact with her over the past four years Ana." He clasps his hand behind his neck and closes his eyes. "I called her once the night I talked to you at the club. I told her to leave you alone." Slowly he lifts his gaze to look at me. "I promise Ana beside that one time I just told you about I haven't seen or talked to her."

"Then why is she calling you Christian and why are you acting so nervous?"

"She is looking for investors. According to my grandfather she is trying to set up a beauty salon. She probably doesn't have enough funds."

"And what the hell has that to do with you?"

"She probably wants me to invest. Don't worry though I won't. I made some phone calls this afternoon and made sure that no one will invest in her business. I don't want her in Seattle. My grandfather did the same."

"How long have you known this?"

"Since this afternoon. I was meaning to tell you Ana but the timing just seemed off…I know how much you hate her." _Well that is the understatement of the freaking century._

"You are not going to help her are you?"

"Fuck no!"

"Then why don't tell her? Pick up that phone and just tell her that you aren't planning in investing in some stupid beauty salon."

"It is not that simple Ana. You don't know her…she is manipulative…she knows…things…she knows what I did in Boston. I know that she will throw that in my face. I know that she probably has run out of people to turn to. I am her last chance."

"Correct me if I am wrong Christian. But if I remember correctly she was forced to leave the state because her husband caught her with someone else…right?"

"Yes. There were rumors you know I told you."

"But those weren't just rumors Christian and you know it. Her husband caught her cheating on him and probably knowing about her preferences for little boys he caught her having sex with a minor." Christian winces and brushes his hands over his face.

"But you know where there is smoke there is fire." I look at the phone that starts buzzing again. _Jesus that woman is relentless._

"Do you trust me Christian?" I whisper.

His head snaps up to look at me. "I do. I do trust you Ana."

"Good, because I think it is time to teach her a lesson."

"Ana…she is dangerous. She won't stop until she gets what she wants." I don't think I have ever seen Christian this distraught before and it breaks my heart to know that Elena Lincoln is the cause. She has done enough damage as it is and it is time to stop her. I silence him by placing my finger over his lips.

"I know that she is vile but what if we have to keep ahead of her. We have to be sure that we are prepared."

"Okay…what do you want to do?"

"We spread rumors. I know someone…a reporter…she owns me a favor. I can tell her that Elena Lincoln is back in Seattle after being away for over a decade. She will start digging and before you know it the gossip magazines are full of Elena's indiscretions."

"I don't know. I would rather have you didn't get involved in all of this. Besides that was more than a decade ago…people won't give a shit. And I don't know if you know, but I am not really fond of reporters."

"First I won't be involved. My name is never going to be connected with those articles. Secondly people will give a shit since she was Mr. Lincoln ex-wife…is she still involved in the BDSM lifestyle?" I add.

Looking at his hands Christian simply nods his head. "Then we have someone following her. Being the sadist she is she probably can't keep away from one of those clubs. Please let me help you."

"Why? Why do you want to do this?" He asks.

 _Because I love you and I hate to see you like this._ "Because I hate her." I reply instead. "We both know she is evil Christian. We both know she never stopped abusing minors."

"Okay."

"Good." I kiss his cheek swiftly and grab my phone from my purse. "I need to make a few phone calls."

 **Christian**

I watch Ana walking away and make a decision. I am not going to deal with Elena today so I turn off my phone and watch Ana talking on the phone with god knows who. I just hope that she doesn't get caught in the middle of this. Because one thing I know is that Elena won't back out from a fight.

"Done…" Ana says a few minutes later. Smiling she climbs on my lap and takes my face between her hands. The gesture is simple yet comforting at the same time. When her smiling eyes meet mine, we both know. There are no words needed. Everything that has happened has led us to this moment.

"Fuck I missed you Ana." My voice sounds coarse. Ana sighs and buries her hands in my hair, tugging a bit. And then we kiss like we haven't kissed before. This kiss is sensual, passionate and gentle at the same time. Ana moans and pushes her chest against mine. Breaking the kiss she lifts her head towards the ceiling as I kiss my way from her jaw to her throat.

"Christian…" She moans and runs her fingers through my hair.

"Thank you for giving me a second chance…" I whisper against her neck. She tugs at my hair making my head jerk up. She searches my face and then she smiles. A genuine smile this time. And I like to think that the smile means that she believes me. While looking in those beautiful, smiling eyes, the emotions I feel are indescribable. I have no words. I am fully aware that I can't erase the past, but this is my chance to something right about what I did wrong the first time.

"You and I Christian is a risk worth taking." She says with trembling voice.

My breath gets stuck in the back of my throat. Wrapping my arms around her hips I lift her and carry her to the bedroom. Letting her body glide against mine and set her on the floor and start unbuttoning her blouse. I push the fabric over her delicate shoulder revealing her flawless skin. She is perfect in every way. My hands find the button of her jeans and with a little flick I open it. With her help I pull them off her legs, including her panties, until she is standing naked in front of me.

It only takes me seconds to undress myself until we are standing both naked in front of each other. Tentatively she reaches for my hand and leads us to my bed.

My eyes roam her body as she lies down. Her eyes are searching my face. I start kissing her stomach and kiss my way up until I have reached her perfect breasts. I suck and gently bite on her nipple making her moan and arch her back, her fingers treading through my hair. It is almost too much. Our naked skins touching, the heat of our bodies. I release her nipple with a pop and focus back on her mouth. I gently bite her bottom lip until I need a better taste of her and brush my tongue against hers and the sensation is almost too much…but I still need more. She whimpers and moans softly in my mouth as my hands roam her perfect body. Reluctantly I break the kiss and rise up on my knees beside her on the bed. My fingers trail up her rib cage, nipples and trace her collarbone. I don't know where to look or touch first. I want to memorize every detail.

"You are perfect." I whisper. Grasping her ankles I spread her legs for a better view. I hear the growl coming from the back of my throat as I lie down on my stomach and breathe against her skin. _Perfect._

"Fuck Ana…your pussy is fucking perfect." Like a man starved I press my mouth against her skin and brush my tongue against her clit. Her taste is perfect, sweet and hot. My mouth moves over her lips and I hear her softly moaning. My stubble is scratching the tender skin on her thighs, probably leaving bright pink scrapes. With my nose I rub her clit as I keep sucking and flicking my tongue against her sweet pussy. I move up and rub my tongue against her swollen clit. Ana's hip jerk and she comes in my mouth, her legs trembling and crying out my name.

I don't give her time to recover. Sucking on her perfect skin I make my way to her mouth.

"Kiss me Christian…" She pants and pulls at my shoulders.

Her soft hands glide from my hair to my face where she caresses me with tender, loving touches. Then with surprising strength she pushes against my chest until I am up on my knees. Rising up to her knees she is quick in taking my dick in her hands. Biting her bottom lip she looks at me and smiles, slowly she moves her head down until I feel her tongue and lips licking my erection slipping it all the way into her mouth.

Automatically my hips jerk. "Fuck….shit…Ana…I…" I curse. I am not going to last very long if she keeps this up. Ana swirls her tongue around the tip, bobbing her head up and down, sucking and licking. Her hand slides down to my thighs and then she softly cups my balls. Tugging and massaging them what sends magnificent pleasure to my dick. She is really good at this. _Fuck._

When I dig my hand in her hair and tug playfully she hums around my dick and fuck if those vibrations don't make me almost come. And as fantastic as this feels, because I would die a happy man with her mouth wrapped around my cock, I don't want to come in her mouth. Not the first time.

"Stop Ana…" I pant. "Not like this." I tug gently at her hair and surprisingly she lets go of my dick. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and lies back, leaning up on her elbows, with her eyes focused on mine.

"Make love to me Christian."

Reaching for the drawer of my nightstand I pull out three condoms and throw then on the bed next to her hips. Her reaction is simply raising her eyebrows while smiling.

Moving over to her I slide my hand behind her neck and kiss her. I shift my body so that I am laying on top of her, pressing her into the matrass. I reach for the condom wrapper and rising up to my knees I quickly roll it on. While my eyes roam her perfect body I move over her and brace on my elbows. Ana's hands move to my arms and she closes her eyes when I slide inside her. Ana spreads her legs wider, inviting me and then I slide smoothly into her. I take a few seconds to compose myself. I don't move because the sensation is overwhelming. After five fucking long years I am inside Ana again. Her nails dig into my arm as her body stretches around me.

When I look down into her unbearably beautiful blue eyes I start to move. Withdrawing and thrusting in a slow and steady rhythm. Her lips part when she gasps, her hands moving across my back in comforting movements. I move my lips over hers and close my eyes, giving into this pure sensation and start to move faster.

"Oh my god Christian…" She pants. Her hands grip my ass, pushing me deeper. I lick her neck with my tongue as my movements quicken. It has been too fucking long and I am already feeling that tingling feeling crawling over my spine to my legs and balls.

Ana clenches around me and I know that her orgasm is building too. Circling my hips faster I rub my pelvis against her clit. Then everything goes blank. With a cry Ana contract around me. With one final thrust I push deep inside her until I am fully buried inside of her and I groan while the blissful pleasure of an orgasm hits me.

Ana's hands are sliding up my arms in a comforting way. I feel the goosebumps on my body as I relish on the feeling of her hands on my body. It has been such a long time that someone touched me like this.

Slowly I lift my face from her neck and open my eyes. Ana blinks up at me and I see the tears in her eyes. I feel like I should say something. Something meaningful, something soothing. But I am afraid to ruin this perfect moment, so instead of talking I kiss her lips softly. And I feel her arms wrapping around my waist, tugging me closer against her as if she doesn't want to let me go.

* * *

 **A/N.: Hi! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think! Oh and please don't forget to check out my Pinterest page. There is one 'lovely' pin that shows Natalia as Ana photoshopped her. I want to thank my good friend for helping me with that. I know that she doesn't want to be named, because she is humble like that. But you know who you are! Thank you!**

 **Song in this chapter: Wipe your eyes – Maroon 5**


	20. Chapter 20 - Elena Lincoln

**Author's note: Surprise! Since you have all been so amazing I thought it would be a nice idea to surprise you. Have a nice weekend and until Tuesday!**

* * *

 **Chapter 20 – Elena Lincoln**

 **Anastasia**

I could really get used to seeing Christian only dressed in sweatpants. When I enter the kitchen he is leaning casually against the counter. His pants hanging deliciously low showing his perfect abs and that perfect happy trail that leads to his perfect dick.

"Keep Sawyer with you at all times." Christian says turning into CEO mode. His gray eyes are turned into little slits as he looks at me over the rim of his coffee cup.

"I will." I say exasperated. I am getting exhausted having this conversation since the news that "Christian Grey, eligible bachelor was officially off the market" hit the newspapers yesterday. It was even trending topic on Twitter and Instagram. They still haven't got a clear photo of me yet, but I think that it is just a matter of days.

The last few days have been amazing. We spent the weekend together in his apartment. We cooked, we talked, we made love it was wonderful. Unfortunately the weekend has gone by way too fast, and now we are sitting at his breakfast bar having breakfast

"Are you free for lunch?" He asks while he places his now empty cup on the kitchen counter.

"I am…"

"Good. Will you meet me at Grey House when you are finished?"

"I will…"

"Are you sure this reporter can be trusted?" He asks me for the umpteenth time.

"Positive."

"I can go with you…I just need to call Andrea and ask her to…" I grab the phone from his hand and shake my head. "You don't need to come with me. I know her and I need to do this." Stepping closer to him I shove his phone in his pocket and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Just go and do whatever you do and I will see you at lunch."

"Be careful Ana."

"Always."

"This reporter is a woman right?" He says kissing my nose. I don't miss the severity in his voice though.

"Yeah…why?" I smile up at him.

"Because you look too sexy…fuck Ana those boots." I look down at my boots and giggle. "Birthday present from Kate." _God, I love my Christian Louboutin Boots._

"Just so you know Ms. Steele…" He cups my ass with his hands and lifts me up immediately feeling the hardness between his legs. "We are not only having lunch this afternoon, but I am going to fuck you and the only thing you will be wearing are those boots."

His phone dings and he slowly puts me down on the floor. "I need to get dressed." He doesn't seem in a hurry as he pushes me against the kitchen counter. He puts his hands on both sides of my face, and the room falls away. _God, how I missed his kisses._ "See you this afternoon baby." With a swat against my bum he leaves me standing dumbstruck in his kitchen while I watch him walking away towards his bedroom. And I am happy. For the first time in a very long time I can really say that I feel happy.

* * *

Annette Quin is already seated in a secluded booth in the little café we agreed on. Sawyer is a few steps behind me as I make my way to her. She is concentrated on her phone.

"Annette?" I say and wait until she looks up from her phone. Slowly she lifts her face and smiles genuinely. Her eyes move to Sawyer before she stands up and hugs me. "Anastasia it is so nice to see you again." I laugh as I sit down.

"You certainly look better than the last time I saw you in New York." I tease.

She grunts and buries her face in her hands. "I don't think I could have sunk any lower that day until I decided to get trashed." She shakes her head as if she still can't believe what happened. "Well I had a legitimate excuse right? It isn't every day that your fiancée leaves you standing at the altar." She says flippantly waving her hand in the air. But her eyes show the hurt. No matter how hard she tries to conceal it.

"So, Christian Grey huh." She says with a smile tugging her lips.

"How…how do you know?"

She waits with answering for the waiter to leave. "I am a reporter; it is my business to know those things." She says.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Because to be honest I don't think I ever saw that son of a bitch smile until I saw you to together."

Maybe stupid but her comment makes me stupidly happy.

"You know Christian?" I ask. But just as the words have left my mouth I want to face palm myself. She simply raises her eyebrow. "Who doesn't know the mysterious Christian Grey?"

"So you left the Big Apple for Seattle." She states. And while she tucks her blonde hair behind her ear she reminds me of Kate when she shifts to reporter mode.

"Yeah…wasn't really working out." I reply keeping my eyes firmly on my coffee. She nods and takes a sip of her cappuccino. I don't know if she senses my discomfort but she quickly changes topics.

"And how is that hot looking guy doing…with the tattoos."

I laugh. "He married and moved to Canada."

"Damn all the good ones are gay or taken." She mutters.

"So how come that you never wrote about Christian?" I ask now curious. Because let's face it she earns her money writing gossip columns about the Seattle rich and famous.

"I met him once during a press conference a year ago. He never made a secret out of the fact that he despises reporters, but when I got face to face with him something in his eyes made me back away…when I got home I did a little research on him and that is when I saw that he was adopted too."

"You are adopted?" I ask astounded.

Clearing her throat she fidgets with her phone before making eye contact with me. "We are. I was six and my brother was two when our biological parents died. Christian somehow reminds me of my brother. Every time I look into my brother's eyes I see an underlying pain…the same I saw in Christian's that day." _Wow…she is good._

"Why did you change careers Annett? I mean you where one of the best television reporters in New York…"

"Revenge." She says.

"My fiancé was Robert junior Walker…" She lets the words hanging in the air.

"Oh my god he is the son of Robert Walker senior…"

"Chairman of the New York Times." She finishes for me.

"Shit."

"To make a long story short Ana. Men are pigs…they all are." She says bitterly. "I decided to return to work after the little breakdown I had. Then I found out that Robert had been cheating on me since we started going out. Then I started digging and you have no idea what I found out."

"What did you find out?" I hear myself ask.

"His father was a cheater but I guess his wife was happy enough playing the happy housewife…so I wrote a story about the charismatic Robert Walker and his escapades and e-mailed it to OK! Magazine." She smiles tightly. "The rest is history."

I nod understandingly. Now I understand why everyone thinks that Annette Quinn is guarded, stand offish and maybe even a little rude. That is because she is protecting herself. Because the woman sitting in front of me is actually very nice. She just got hurt in the worst way possible and this is the only way for her to cope with the pain and shame.

"You know rich people think they can just do everything they want. You have no idea how many business men pretend to be happily married but have a plaything on the side." Her eyes bore into mine and my stomach churns with anxiety.

"So you called me the other day telling me that you had something juicy?" All the bitterness has left her voice.

"Yes. Elena Lincoln."

"Ah…the blonde hag that was married to Simon Lincoln." She says her words filled with contempt.

"Doesn't she live in New York?" She adds and opens the browser of her phone. Well she surely doesn't waste any time with her research.

"She is…but she wants to move back to Seattle."

"What do you want exactly Ana?"

"I want you to dig…I want you to stir some serious shit, I want for her to leave Seattle and to never return again."

"Okay. What do you have for me?"

"Two things" I say. "Adultery, BDSM-lifestyle… and the rest is for you to find out."

Her eyes grow wide as she looks at me and then she simply nods her head. "Give me a few days. I will send you a draft before turning it in."

 **Christian**

"Are you sick?" Ros whispers.

I frown and tear my eyes from the papers in front of me. "What do you mean?"

She makes a funny face and leans back in the chair. "You are smiling. I mean and it is a genuine smile...not those fake grimaces you sometimes force. So the only reason I can think off for this transformation is that you are sick or… high." She deadpans.

"Fuck you Ros." I flip her off and focus back on the contract.

"I'm serious here Grey…" She continues. "You even had that asshole from the Marketing department doing a double take when you actually thanked him and wished him a nice day."

I throw my pen on the desk, cross my arms in front of my chest and stare at Ros. I smirk at her.

"So?" She asks.

"What do you want to hear Bailey?"

"Details…I am a woman asshole. I want details!" She laughs.

"You are not going to tell me anything are you?" She says after a while. "Well here is my theory." Lazily she rises from her chair and places both of her hands on my desk. "Not only is she feisty and beautiful but she must have a voodoo-pussy for you to be acting like this."

"What can I say Ros…" I am cut of mid-sentence when the door opens and a flustered looking Andrea is pushed to the side by Elene fucking Lincoln.

"I am sorry Sir…she was causing a scene downstairs and Taylor is in a meeting."

"It's okay Andrea. Thank you."

Ros raises her eyebrows and takes Elena in from head to toe. Considering the look on her face she isn't impressed. Elena is dressed in black from head to toe. It looks as if the grim reaper just entered my office.

"What the fuck are you doing here Elena?" I bellow. Ros looks at me alarmed and I just shake my head.

"I will talk to you later Ros."

Reluctantly Ros gathers the papers on the desk and starts to walk out of my office but not before looking back one last time to look at Elena.

"That is no way to greet a friend Christian." She sits down on my white leather couch and I make a mental note to have that couch cleaned, or better yet disposed.

"I have been calling you non-stop this weekend." She says now pointing those cold, beady eyes at me. "At least you could have picked up the phone."

"What do you want? I won't ask you a second time." I add. "You have two minutes before I call security."

"No need to be so dramatic Christian." She cackles. Reaching for a gigantic black bag she retrieves a stack of papers and hands them to me. "That is my business plan for a beauty salon. Since we have a history together I assumed that you could help me."

"You know what they say about assumptions right?" I say leaning over to get the papers from her. Instead of putting them on my desk I walk to the shredder and push the entire stack of papers through it.

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows rise in surprise but then she smiles. _Christ! She is ugly!_

"So predictable." She gushes. "I have been working on this for a while now you know? But ever since arriving in Seattle I have been thwarted by any potential investors. Funny since I had them almost convinced. The only reason I could think of is that you and that old grandfather of yours are the masterminds behind this stupid game." She says with a chill in her voice.

Her wrinkled hand disappears into that black bag and she retrieves another set of documents. "I came prepared you see?" Casually she throws the documents on my desk and the smile that is playing on her lips tells me that she has more up her sleeve.

"And this…" She throws another package, a little smaller this time. "Is my insurance."

Without even looking in that envelope I know what is in it. Pictures. Photographs. Evidence of my past that can ruin my business.

"The way I see it Christian is that you owe me." She spread her arms and sighs. "You owe this all to me. If it weren't for me you would still be working at that club serving drinks…now I gave you an excellent opportunity and just like I predicted you became our golden boy. It is a shame though that your grandfather started probing and meddling into my business. I had no other option than to let you go."

"I don't owe you one fucking thing Elena." I hiss.

She smiles vindictively and waves her hand in the air. "You just keep telling yourself that…maybe you start believing it. The truth is that I taught you everything you know, I taught you everything you need."

"The fuck you did. You didn't teach me one damn thing except to fuck!" I say.

"It is such a pity." She sighs dramatically. "I had so many plans for you Christian…if you hadn't walked away from me I could have taught you control; you could have been a dominant!"

"Shut the fuck up." I bristle.

"I mean you don't really think that a bastard like you can actually have a normal life? Your own mother left you. You were burned and mistreated by her pimp and there was nothing she ever did for you. People like you don't love. Why do you think your father threw you out of the house?" She raises her eyebrow and I would love nothing more than to wrap my hands around that ugly neck and choke the fuck out of her.

"If you think that Anastasia actually loves you, you have to be out of your mind. She wants you for your money Christian."

"Leave Anastasia out of this Elena."

Completely ignoring me she looks … at my crotch. A vile, wicked smile on that botoxed face. "Have you told her how good I made you feel? Remember when I wrapped my hand around your cock for the first time and you came in an instant?" I hang my head down in shame as she continues to rehash the past.

"I am going to schedule an appointment with your assistant. Next Monday at shall we say…" She looks at her gold watch and then back at me. "Lunch time?"

Thousands of thoughts are dancing through my head as I look at the despicable woman seated in my office. Her lips are moving but somehow the panic and the whooshing in my ears block everything out. "…You know the consequences Christian…think about your business, your parents, your brother's business…and even that mousy girlfriend of yours. Everyone will be affected by your past…you can run away as fast as you want, but it will always be back to bite you in the ass." She makes a show of closing her handbag. "Oh…look at the time. I have a lunch appointment with your mother in thirty minutes."

Elegantly she rises from the couch and steps into my comfort zone. She glides her long, red nail along my arm and smiles wickedly. "See you next week…pet."

 **Anastasia**

Tilting my head I look at the elevator display panel. The elevator comes to a halt and slowly the doors slide open on Christian's floor at GEH. Still enjoying my talk with Annette, I almost forget to step out until I hear Sawyer's voice behind me. "Miss. Steele?"

"Sorry." I mutter. "Daydreaming." I look over my shoulder but his face is impassive as always. _I guess smiling isn't part of his job description._

"Miss. Steele." Andrea greets me while rising from her seat. Of course she looks immaculate. Her eyes dart nervously from Christian's office to me and she seem a little nervous.

Geez. What's the smell? There is a strange smell in the air. As if someone sprayed too much perfume. The smell is horrendous.

"Is Christian in a meeting?" I ask Andrea.

"It is just Taylor. You can enter." She says smiling weekly.

"Okay thank you."

I don't know why, but the excitement after meeting with Annette is completely vanished and replaced by a horrible feeling of dread.

After a brief hesitation I knock twice, and open the door to Christian's office. He is standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows with both hands tucked in his pockets. Taylor is standing beside his desk, hands clasped behind his back. They both look tense.

"I want her followed. I want you to find out everything she does, who she sees, when she takes a shit and even when she holds her breath. I don't care what you have to do Taylor." He turns around and his eyes meet mine. He doesn't acknowledge me he simply dismisses Taylor and saunters to a large table. It is now that I notice that it is set for two. Our lunch.

Nodding curtly Taylor passes me and closes the door behind me.

"Hi." I say unsure of myself.

"Hi." He replies and takes a bite from his sandwich.

"If this is a bad time…"

"Elena was here." He says without looking at me. _So that was the smell._

Then without even realizing that he just dropped a huge bomb he points to the plate of sandwiches and points at it with his long finger. "Eat." I don't know why, but suddenly I have lost my appetite.

"Christian, I understand if you don't have time for lunch…I can go if you want."

He looks at me with that lost look in his eyes. He looks sad, vulnerable and angry at the same time.

"It would be in your best interest to leave." He says emotionless. His face is unreadable and distant.

"What do you mean?" I whisper and I feel my knees buckling.

"She is blackmailing me."

"So, you want me to leave?"

"This is going to get fucking nasty. She isn't going to stop until she gets what she wants." He says very matter of fact. And honestly it makes me sick to my stomach.

"Do you want me to step out of this…" I say motioning with my finger between the two of us. "…because you think that is what I want? Or it is what you want?"

"It is not what I want Anastasia and you god damn know that." _Do I?_

"So? You just bend to her wishes?"

"What the fuck am I supposed to do Anastasia?" He growls shoving his chair back. Brushing his hands through his hair he starts pacing his office until he turns around to look at me.

"She threatened me Ana. She threatened my business and everyone I love."

"You are asking me _what_ to do?" I ask.

"Don't you see? There is not a single fucking thing I can do…!"

"You can fight!" I yell. "Fucking fight! Grow up, be a man and fight!"

For a moment Christian seems to be taken aback by my outburst, but at this point I don't even care.

"You have proof Christian. You have pictures from those time at her dungeon…you can take her to court…she raped you…you were a fifteen year old boy! Fifteen years old! You can…"

"It was consensual Anastasia. How many times do we have to have this conversation? She asked me if I wanted to be fucked and I said yes!"

"You were fifteen years old! That is not consensual Christian that is rape! That woman is a pedophile…she is filthy, vile, toxic! And then when you were vulnerable and alone again she lured you under false pretenses into being an escort! She has much more to lose than you!"

He wants to say something when Andrea's voice sounds over the intercom. "Mr. Grey, I am sorry for the interruption, but your one o'clock appointment has arrived."

Swiftly he walks to the intercom, pushes the button and replies. "Please escort them to Ross' office I will be there in five minutes."

We can't settle this argument or whatever this is in five minutes so I simply turn around and walk to the door.

"Ana…"

"Yes…" I don't look around. I stare at my hand on the doorknob.

"Can I come over to your apartment tonight?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Thank you Sawyer. I won't be leaving my apartment today." I look at the boxes containing my equipment. I should go back to my studio, but since the break in I feel apprehensive of being there.

"I am going to work from home."

"I will be right here if you need me Ms. Steele."

"You are going to stay here? In the hallway?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Yes ma'am."

"I don't think so." I say resolute. He looks surprised for a moment when I open the door to let him in.

"Ma'am…"

"Will you please stop with the ma'am and get into the apartment." I say exasperated.

"Mr. Grey…"

"Mr. Grey isn't here right now." I reply rolling my eyes. "Look it is up to you…if you stay here…my neighbor who is a seventy year old lady, is going to give you some herbal tea…I can promise you one thing…you are not going to like it. And you think that you can be polite and decline it but she doesn't take no for an answer." He looks from Mathilda's closed door to mine and then he enters, albeit reluctantly.

"Just make yourself comfortable. Drinks are in the fridge and I think there is some food. Otherwise there are still some M&M's…" I say grabbing my laptop. "I am going to work for a while."

I make myself comfortable seated on the middle of my bed and wait for it to start. Immediately I see an email from an agent I have worked with before. She asks if I can do a photo shoot of her client in three days. The actor specifically asked for me. There is an attachment included with the specifics. The shoot takes place in Vancouver and the makeup artist, wardrobe stylist, hairstylist and set designers are already taken care off. The only thing I need to do is fly up there, do the shoot and I can be back for Carrick's birthday.

First I quickly reply the agent thanking her and reassuring her that I'll be there at the requested time. Not five minutes later I receive an e-mail back telling me that someone is going to pick me up at the airport. After booking my flight I quickly send Christian a text and tell him that I have to leave Seattle in two days. I leave out the details since I still have enough time to share it with him.

* * *

I wake up with the sun shining in my face. I have no idea what time it is and I don't even care. I hope Christian set his alarm clock before he went to bed though. Slowly I stretch and turn around to where I know that Christian is laying. Only his spot is empty and cold.

Opening my eyes slowly I see his side of the bed is indeed empty. I take a quick glance towards the bathroom door, but the door is wide open and there are no noises coming from there. Squinting I read 8AM on the alarm clock.

"Christian?"

Startled I sit up and clutching to the sheets. My heart is racing as I take in the surroundings from my bedroom. Everything is just as I left it yesterday. My laptop is sitting on my desk of drawers; my clothes are draped over the chair. Shaking slightly I climb out of my bed and quickly throw on some clothes. I don't know why but without making any noise I make my way to the door and open it. I listen…nothing. There are no noises…there is no terrific smell coming from the kitchen. I am alone.

"Christian?" I call again. Chewing the inside of my lip I try to remember if he told me something yesterday. But he just got home late and we made love. There were no words necessary. Then I remember waking up in the middle of the night and I am sure that Christian was there with me.

I spot my phone on the counter and scroll to see if he has sent me a message. I mean he always gets up extremely early to work out, but he should have been back by now. _Wouldn't he?_

I quickly scroll through my phone, but there is only one missed call from Kate and a text asking me to call her back. But there is nothing from Christian.

The restless feeling in my stomach intensifies by the second. It feels exactly like five years ago, when I woke up and found his note propped up against the bedside lamp. I shake my head. No…no he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't leave me again like that. Because he promised…he promised me that he would never leave me again. Besides he has told me several times that he loves me even though I haven't reciprocated.

Five minutes later I am sitting on the couch, feeling completely numb, my phone clutched in my hand. My eyes drift to the door every few second…waiting for Christian to walk in.

I try to shake the feeling of uneasiness by thinking back at this weekend. It was wonderful. But then everything went down the drain the moment Elena Lincoln entered the picture.

Gingerly I walk to my bedroom and my eyes are drawn to my bedside table. I knew it…I fucking knew it! Propped against my bedside lamp is a neatly folded paper.

My phone slips from my hand making a dull sound as it crashes on the floor. The only thing I can hear right now is the gushing of my blood in my ears and the pounding of my heart against my ribcage.

I close my eyes tightly and open them again. The note is still there. I haven't imagined things. He changed his mind. He doesn't want me anymore. I knew I was setting myself up for another heartbreak…I knew it.

A wave of nausea hits me as the truth comes washing down on me like a cold bucket of water. Exactly like five years ago, my life has gone from happy to completely broken in a matter of hours. I was just starting lot me myself feel again. I was just accepting the fact that maybe this time our relationship would work out. I thought that it would work if I didn't get carried away like the first time…I thought that everything would be less consuming because we are older and wiser…I guess I was wrong. I need to listen more to my intuition…because I knew that Christian Grey would break my heart again. But why? I don't want to ask myself that question, because there is no answer. There is only one person who can answer that question for me. He decided to go and leave me with a crappy note.

 _I am not going to read it. I already know what it says._

With shaky fingers I dial Adam's number. I wince when I look at the time.

"Shortcake?"

"Hey Adam…did I wake you?" I hear shuffling on the other side and then a door closing.

"Yeah…but its okay…"

"I'm sorry." I take a deep breath and gather my courage. "Look I have an assignment in Vancouver. It was scheduled for tomorrow, but…something happened and I decided to come a day early. I have never been to Vancouver before and I was thinking that this could be a great opportunity to see each other again…maybe I can do a little sightseeing and then the photo shoot." _Stop rambling Ana!_

"Are you all right? You sound tense."

"Everything is fine." I answer quickly. My voice cracks at the end and I quickly wipe the tears from my face. _Thank god he can't see me._

"Okay…" He doesn't sound very convinced. "I will set up the guestroom. You can stay here with us."

"Oh…no I can get a hotel room." I argue.

"Yeah…you can but you won't. Besides Maggie would be really disappointed if she isn't able to see you…"

"Okay. Thank you Adam."

The next thing I do is book a flight. Three hours will give me enough time to shower, pack and drive to the airport.

Instead of calling my mom I decide to call Kate. She will understand. Besides I need to let someone know that I am leaving for Vancouver. Normally I would call Ray…but that isn't an option anymore.

"Ana? Do you have any idea what time it is?" She groans.

"I am sorry Kate. I just need to talk to you."

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"He left me again Kate." I whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"Christian…he left. He left me exactly like five years ago Kate. I woke up this morning and his side of the bed was cold…I immediately had this weird feeling that something bad had happened and well I found a note on my nightstand…"

"What did it say?"

"I don't know…but I am sure that he thinks that this was all a mistake…"

"Ana you can't jump to conclusions like that. I saw him the other day at the Grey's and that was the first time in three years that I saw him smiling. I mean I still think he is a dick, but I recognize a happy man when I see one." She says soothingly.

"You don't understand Kate…we fought yesterday…I…I said certain things…"

"Let me get dressed." She says now hurriedly. "And we can talk about this…I will read that note for you and if you are right I will make sure that…"

"No!"

"Sweetie…please listen to me." She begs.

"No Kate. I also called to tell you that I am leaving now for an assignment in Vancouver. I was supposed to leave tomorrow but decided to leave a day earlier. I will be staying with Adam and Maggie the first night."

"Ana you are running again."

"I am not running Kate. I am going to an assignment, because that is my job, therefore I need to go to places." I say sharper than intended. "I am not running Kate." Even I hear the desperation in my words. Kate is silent for a minute and then I hear her sigh. "Do you need me to drive you to the airport?"

"No, I am taking my car."

"Will you be all right Banana?"

"Yeah…I just need a few days. I'll text you as soon as I land okay?"

"Love you Ana…and be safe…"

"Love you too Kate."

With one last glance at my living room I grab my small suitcase and close my eyes. You can do this Ana. Fly up to Vancouver and do your job, but most importantly forget Christian Grey.


	21. Chapter 21- Vancouver

**Chapter 21 Someday – Vancouver**

 **Christian**

So beautiful and so perfect. She looks angelic with her hands tucked under her cheek, her mouth forming the perfect pout. With just a brush of my lips I kiss Ana on her forehead. My eyes dart to her nightstand where I left her a note explaining that I am meeting with Flynn. Fuck, I want to kiss her silly but I don't want to risk the chance to wake her. I hope that she is still asleep when I get back.

As I shrug into my jacket I glance towards the alarm clock. Fuck, to damn early. Even though getting up this early isn't foreign to me, ever since the moment Ana came back into my life, my nightmares are barely nonexistent. I'd rather stay in bed with her, than having to face my demons with Flynn.

But I know that I need to do this. I need to face this…whatever it is.

* * *

"John" I say greeting my psychiatrist with a handshake.

"Christian. Welcome and come in." Taking a step aside he gives me room to enter.

"Thank you for receiving me so quickly." I say as I sit down.

"And early…" He says glancing at the clock.

"Just imagine the check you are about to send me." I say with a chuckle. He laughs, throwing his head backwards.

John reaches for his notepad and settles it on his knees. Pushing his reading glasses further up his nose he then lifts his face to look at me.

"So, how can I help you today? It sounded urgent."

"It is…I don't know where to start." I admit.

"Start at the beginning." He says now making himself comfortable.

I explain everything. From the moment I saw Ana again after 5 years, up until everything that happened yesterday. Somehow yesterday when I got to her apartment and saw her sleeping I knew that she deserved more. She didn't deserve my attitude when she came to GEH to have lunch. And what bothers me the most is that every time Elena Lincoln is the topic of our conversation things go sour. Ana doesn't understand. She mostly doesn't understand that I don't see how wrong it was from Elena to seduce me. But then…I consented didn't I? When she told me that she could make me feel like a normal boy I believed her. And there was nothing more that I wanted at that time then to feel like a normal boy. When she asked me if I wanted to learn how to fuck…I said yes. What fifteen year old horny boy would have said no to that?

"Elena Lincoln showed up yesterday at my office…she is blackmailing me." I pinch the bridge of my nose to somehow straighten my thoughts. "I was meeting Ana for lunch at my office…anyway when she arrived, Elena had just left and I acted like a total dick. Ana told me in not so many words that I was weak. That is had to fight her. That I somehow need to admit that I was raped when I was fifteen years old."

When I look at Flynn his brow is furrowed. "She blackmailed you?" He asks.

"She wants to open a beauty salon in Seattle, but she doesn't have the startup money. Nobody wants to invest, her ex-husband made sure of that, anyway she told me I was her last option. When I refused to help her she handed me an envelope full of pictures."

"Ah…from your time at the agency." He states not even surprised.

"Yeah…"

"And surely you told her that blackmail is against the law and that you would contact the authorities the moment she left your office right?" _Wrong._

"Christian?" Flynn asks when I don't answer.

"No…I didn't."

"Why?"

"Because there is too much at stake."

"Right…" Flynn says. "Let us try a different approach."

"You said that you see things differently than Ana. You don't see your first time with Elena as rape. Why is that?"

Fucking Flynn and his little mind games. "That is why I am here John." I reply through gritted teeth. "Because I don't know how."

He sighs and folds his hands in his lap.

"Why don't you see it as rape Christian? What made you decide that it was consensual?"

"I agreed"

"And what else?"

"Did you like it?"

"The first time…yes."

"Why?"

I roll my eyes. "Because she jerked me off John. I never thought that I would be capable in having a physical relationship with a girl because of my phobia."

His brow furrows again. "Except she wasn't a girl. She was an adult, your mother's best friend."

 _I guess she was._

"And that was what made you return the next day?"

"Yes."

"And the second time…if I recall correctly she took you into her dungeon?"

"Yes…" I say clearing my throat.

"Did you like that?"

"No." _I hated it._

"What was it that you didn't like Christian?"

"The way she talked to me. The things she made me do…the things she did to me."

"I see…" He says contemplative.

"What if instead of you it would have been your little sister Mia?" He says in a provocative tone of voice.

I snap my eyes back at his. My stomach is recoiling from the idea of my sister Mia being touched in such way or treaded the way Elena treated me.

"That. Is. Fucking. Different. John."

"Why?"

"Because when Mia was fifteen years old she was a girl…a little girl who liked watching TV with her brothers, she was a little girl who liked to have sleepovers with her annoying friends…she had a silly crush on our neighbor kid… she was just a little girl John." How can he even compare sweet, bubbly Mia, with a fuck up like me?

"You still haven't told me what the difference is Christian." Clearing his throat he writes something down on his notepad and removes his glasses.

"Just to be sure. If Elena would have seduced your sister that would have been rape…but when she seduced you it doesn't count as rape?" He cocks his head to one side awaiting my answer.

I pull at my tie because I have the feeling that I am suffocating. The walls are closing in on me as I feel Flynn's gaze on me. _Tell him Grey._

"Why is that different Christian?"

"Because I was aroused!" I yell. "I had a fucking orgasm! Every single time that I spend time with her!"

I hear Flynn standing from his chair and walking to his bookcase. After a few seconds he returns back to his chair and places something on the little side table.

"I am not a sex therapist." He starts. "But what I do know is that slight genital stimulation or stress can create erections. An erection does not mean that the man consents to sex. Males can get erections even in traumatic or painful sexual situations, and that doesn't indicate consent. Men can be scared and intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority."

I rub my hands over my face repeatedly trying to get the tears not to fall.

"Why did you come here today with this question Christian? After all these years you always avoided to talk about Elena Lincoln…and yet here you are."

"I am doing this for Anastasia. She deserves me…complete. Not a fucked up son of a bitch who is constantly defending the woman who…molested him." I look towards the window, too ashamed to meet his eyes. The word rape twirling around in my head. Is it true? Was Ana right all along? Did Elena rape me?

"The blackmail was simply something I could hide behind…because somehow when she told me that I deserved everything I had because of her, a little part of me actually believed her. If she wouldn't have…seduced me when I was fifteen what would have become of me? Would I have become violent just to be able to be with a girl? What if she wouldn't have shown up that day at the club?"

"But you were able to be with a girl right Christian? Didn't you tell me that Ana always respected your boundaries when you first met?"

"She was always so loving and caring. She never looked at my scars with pity. She accepted me just the way I was."

"How are things now between you and Ana."

"She doesn't trust me. I have this feeling that every time we are together she is wary…as if she expects me to walk away even though I told her that that won't happen again. She doesn't trust me and I don't know how to fix that."

Flynn staples his hand on his lap and removes his glasses. "Rebuilding trust after a betrayal is one of the greatest challenges a relationship can face Christian. When we trust someone, we are not afraid to act like ourselves…goofy and quirky, and we freely share our hopes and our fears. Ultimately, it is trust that allows us to give and receive love. You violated her trust, meaning that Ana became self-conscious and hesitant for fear of another humiliation."

"How do I make her trust me again?"

"Patience…" He says immediately. "If this relationship is truly valuable and your love runs deep, and I think it does, otherwise she wouldn't have given you a second chance; your relationship will come out stronger from this."

 _I fucking hope so, because losing Ana is simply not an option._

"I think it is very loyal of you to come here to understand what Elena did to you for Ana's sake. But you have to do this for yourself."

I nod. "I…we need to talk. After Ana came to my office yesterday and we fought about Elena we didn't even talk about it. But I just know that she is going to bring it up again and therefore I need to understand it myself. Otherwise we will be going round and round in fucking circles without ever solving anything."

"Have you seen her? Ana I mean?"

"I spend the night in her apartment, but it was pretty late and she was half asleep."

He nods and scribbles something down. "Have you ever considered discussing this with your parents Christian?"

"No." _Absolutely out of the fucking question. Is he crazy?_

"Think about it." He says looking at me. "It might help you."

I nod but simply because I don't want to get into this. I am not telling my parents. They will be disgusted, especially my mother.

"I am sorry but time is up and my next appointment will be arriving in less than five minutes." He reaches for the book at his side table and hands it to me.

"Read this. It is about a teen boy who reflects on his abuse and sexual relationship with his teacher."

I swallow as I take the book from him. The books title is 'Boy Toy'. The title makes me cringe inwardly, but I take it from him nonetheless.

"You made great progress today Christian. Take some time to reflect on what we discussed and talk about it with someone. And don't hesitate to call me if you want to talk…it doesn't matter at what time…" _Ana…I need to talk to Ana._

"So I think I will see you Saturday." He says now.

"Saturday?" I ask not entirely knowing why the fuck I should see him Saturday again.

"Your father's birthday. Rian and I were invited."

"Yes…yes." I reply distracted. "Ana is joining me." I say and feel the smile on my face.

"Good. I can't wait to meet her. She must be a remarkable young woman."

"She is John."

* * *

The moment I step out of Flynn's office I lock eyes with Taylor's worried gaze.

"Sir…we have a situation." He says as he opens my door.

"What…" I ask because I just want to go back to Ana, crawl back with her in bed and talk to her, make love to her. Not specifically in that order.

"It is Ms. Steele Sir…I got a phone call from Sawyer that she left the apartment about forty five minutes ago. She was carrying a small suitcase, her camera bag and what we believe was a laptop bag." The air completely leaves my body.

"Where did she go?"

"The airport Sir." He says looking apologetically.

"Sawyer is with her?" _He fucking well be._

"He is Sir, but Ms. Steele made it perfectly clear that she didn't want to be followed." He pauses briefly and sighs. "According to Sawyer she looked distraught…she was crying when she stepped in her car."

"Crying?" What the hell was she crying about? I go back to yesterday's event after I climbed in bed with her. She was sleepy and when she felt that I was lying next to her, she turned and curled up in my arms. A few moments later she asked in a sleepy voice if I was tired…when I answered that I wasn't she started kissing me…eventually we ended making love. I know for a fact that if Ana would have been mad at me she definitely wouldn't have made love to me. So something must have happened after she woke up.

"Do you know where she is going?" I bark.

Taylor is already driving in the direction of the airport. He knows me well.

"No Sir." Well fuck.

My anger has reached the boiling point the closer we come to the airport. Why the fuck didn't she call me? I search for my phone…maybe she send me a text. Fuck…I don't have my phone on me. It probably fell out of my jacket yesterday when I undressed. I didn't even get the chance to read my e-mail or texts yesterday since I left my phone charging at Andrea's desk. Then when I finally left the office I didn't even bother to look. I just needed to get to Ana's apartment.

My thoughts are interrupted by Taylor's gruff voice. "Stay with her Luke!" He barks. He listens for a while and sighs.

"Two minutes Luke."

"What was it?" I ask.

"Ms. Steele is in the parking lot. She is incredibly upset Sir."

"Does Sawyer have any idea where the fuck she is going or why she is so upset?"

"I am sorry Sir."

Exactly two minutes later we arrive at the parking lot. I immediately see Ana's car and Sawyer is standing a few feet away.

When I reach her car I find Ana clutching the steering wheel, her face leaning on her hands and Sawyer was right. She is incredibly upset. Her shoulders are shaking from the sobs raking through her body.

"Ana?"

Her face snaps up by the sound of my voice and not only do I see incredible sadness in her face but also anger.

"What happened and why are you here?"

"What are you doing here?" She says forcefully wiping the tears from her face.

"Because I was notified that you left your apartment and that you looked incredibly upset. I there something wrong with your mother?"

She is staring at me as if I have grown three fucking heads and I have to admit that I don't like the anger radiating off of her.

"Something wrong with my mother?" She hisses. "No, there isn't something wrong with my mother Christian. I was called to do a photo shoot and that is where I am going now."

I nod my head trying to suppress my own anger. Instead I distract myself and hand her my handkerchief. She stares at it as if it contains poison.

"I don't need your handkerchief Christian…"

Before stepping out of the car she gathers her camera bag from the passenger seat. Completely ignoring me she opens the trunk and pulls out a small suitcase.

"Ana stop ignoring me and tell me what got you fleeing out of your apartment with a suitcase and upset. There must me a fucking reason." I count to ten in my head and continue. "And you could at least have notified me that you were leaving!"

Without looking at me she closes the trunk a little too forcefully and closes her eyes. Immediately the tears start streaming down her cheeks.

"At least you showed up this time. I guess that in these last five years you finally grew some balls." Her eyes, swimming with tears, pierce straight to me. _What the fuck is she talking about?_

"I can't believe I actually believed you." She continues. "I can't believe I was so fucking stupid." Her eyes wander to something behind me and then back to me. I can honestly say that I really don't like the look she is giving me.

"What was your goal Christian? Getting me back to bed? You lied all over again."

"What the fuck are you talking about!" I growl taking a step towards her. Her eyes grow big and when I want to wipe a tear from her cheek she pulls her head away. _What the fuck?_

Aggravated she takes her suitcase and starts walking towards the airport entrance. She stops when she reaches Sawyer and sighs. "I am sorry for the way I talked to you. You don't deserve it…I am sorry Sawyer."

"No problem ma'am… Ana…I mean Ana." He utters silently while his eyes briefly meet mine.

"Ana…" I grasp her elbow to make her stop and pull her towards me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about here. Will you please care to explain?"

She lets out a fake laugh that sends chills through my bones. "You know what I was asking myself? Did you enjoy it? Did you have a great laugh on my expense when I started falling for your charming words?" She wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jacket. "Or maybe Elena was behind this? God I have to say that you had to be an exceptionally great student when you started working as an escort." Her eyes turn sad again.

"Ana…"

"Just let me finish this. I need to get this off my chest." She whispers. "I never thought you had it in you. I actually was stupid enough to believe everything you told me. Congratulations Christian…you broke me again."

She stares at my hand that is still holding her elbow. "Will you please let me go? I have a plane to catch."

"Ana…I don't know what you are talking about." I release her and immediately she starts walking. She ignores me of course. "Ana…just for the love of god talk to me I don't know what you are talking about." I plead with her.

We enter the airport and she walks determined towards the check in stands. While I look at her profile my heart breaks when I see the broken state she is in. However, if she thinks that I am going to let her leave Seattle without talking to me, she has another thing coming.

"Ticket please." The woman behind the desk asks her. Her eyes move to mine quickly and she blushes.

Ana rolls her eyes and hands over her ticket and passport. "I would like a window seat if that is possible." She says softly. "Or better is it possible to upgrade my ticket to first class?"

"One moment please." The woman starts typing and looking at the screen. Then she takes Ana's credit card from the counter.

"Everything is set Ms. Steele. Your ticket has been upgraded to first class."

"Thank you." Ana says taking back her boarding pass, credit card and passport.

"Have a nice flight Ms. Steele and enjoy your stay in Vancouver." _Vancouver_. Well if she is going to Vancouver so am I.

Completely ignoring me she starts walking towards the waiting area. I run towards her and grab her elbow again. With a raised eyebrow and annoyance written all over het beautiful face, she looks at my hand grabbing her elbow. "Let me go." She says through gritted teeth. "Don't make this harder than it already is Christian."

"Everything all right Miss?" Security guards asks looking at my hand and then back at Ana.

"Everything is fine. Thank you." She says nicely. "He was just leaving."

"You can't leave me like this." I mutter and don't giving a flying fuck that the security guard can hear our conversation.

"Just watch me." She says.

I have no other option and let go of her while taking a step back. With the security guards' eyes pinned on me I watch her walking away. Her chin raised in the air.

* * *

It takes about one hour to get a seat next to Ana's, let Taylor deliver my laptop and some clothes. I have no idea how long Ana intends to stay in Vancouver, but I am staying with her. She will talk to me. With renewed hope I head towards the gate where the passengers are already boarding. This is going to be fun. For the first time in years I am flying commercial.

 **Anastasia**

 _Finally._ I have no idea what possessed me to even book a first class flight, but looking around me it is absolutely worth the money. Even though I have travelled a lot these past few years I never indulged in flying first class, simply because it is too expensive. Looking around me I am glad I chose to fly first class. First because I have absolute privacy. I am seated in what looks like a sort of cabin and it is wide and spacious. NO neighbors and absolute privacy. The flight attendant just came by to welcome me and showed me what buttons to push for the features of my seat that can also be used as a flatbed. But what I really like is the silence. There are no irritating voices or annoying sounds.

That of course until I heard the voice that I really didn't want to hear.

"Anastasia." I let my eyes wander over his perfect physique and I notice that he somehow looks nervous. His smile is weak and shy as if he is expecting a huge fall out.

"What are you doing here?" I ask tired.

"I need to talk to you." He shrugs. Placing his bag on the floor he kneels next to me and holds my eyes.

"Please talk to me Ana. I don't know what I did wrong, but the only thing I could figure out was that I somehow upset you."

"When you broke up with me five years ago…do you know how long the memory of you consumed my every waking thought? Do you know how many times I thought about it? How many times I relived the moment you pushed me away? And it has happened to me again…God I am such a fool…what is it what they say? Oh yeah…once bitten, twice shy."

His brow is furrowed and I see sheen of sweat covering his brow. "Maybe you think I am incredibly stupid…and even though I have a feeling that I did something to upset you…I don't know what I did wrong. Please Ana…"

"You left." I say. Blinking a few times to urge the tears not to fall I move my eyes from him.

"I left because I needed to see Dr. Flynn, my psychiatrist." He says slowly. "I needed to figure some things out before discussing them with you." He adds. I feel his hand on my chin and before I know it I am looking into those gray, sad eyes.

"I left you a note Ana." He says looking confused. "I left you a note on your nightstand…explaining that I was visiting Flynn."

My breath is caught in my throat. "I…I saw the note…" I whisper. "I just thought…" I bite the inside of my cheek so I don't burst out in tears. "It reminded me of that note you left me after you broke up with me…" _Oh my god what have I done?_

"Oh Ana…" Christian releases my chin and pulls me against his chest. He is holding me so tight that I can barely breathe.

"I am so sorry baby…I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful… I am sorry…I am so fucking sorry…" He is kissing my head over and over again.

"You are telling me the truth aren't you Christian?" I ask when he releases his hold on me. "Because…"

"I am never leaving you again Ana. I understand that you don't trust me very much but I don't know how else to prove it to you. I mean everything I said…I love you and I am not letting you go again."

"It was exactly like five years ago. I woke up and you weren't there. I called your name…and your side of the bed was cold…after putting on some clothes I walked into the kitchen but you weren't there either…and I just kept looking at me phone and at the door, hoping you would call or return…I really thought you had left me again." She takes a deep shuddering breath and brushes with her fingers over my cheek, as if she is trying to make sure that I am really there.

"I kept checking my phone…I kept looking at the door." She shakes her head and her eyes are distant and sad. "I should have called you, but I couldn't…the last time I went after you, you threw me out…I couldn't handle that again."

"Never again Ana…never again…"

 **Christian.**

Much to the flight attendant's annoyance I didn't leave Ana's seat for the entire flight. Well only for take-off.

I can't believe I was so stupid. I can't believe I hurt her again so deeply that made her run.

I look down at Ana's sleeping face and close my eyes. I was this close in losing her again. Wrapping my arms closer around her I kiss her hair. "I never want to let you go." I whisper.

"I never want to go. Never let me go." She replies sleepily.

 _I promise never to let you go._

* * *

"Where is Taylor?" Ana says looking around her as we are waiting for a cab.

"There wasn't time, besides he had to take care of something first. He will be joining us later though."

"Okay…"

"So where is this photo shoot?"

"It is in at the client's house, but…" She bites that lips and blushes. "It is scheduled for tomorrow."

"Then why come here now?"

She sighs. "Because I needed to get away Christian. This morning I called Adam and I am supposed to stay with him…and his wife." She adds quickly.

 _And where the fuck does that leave me?_

Entwining our fingers she looks at me. "If you don't mind I would like to go over to his place. I promised, besides I have missed him." She looks up at me nervously and shrugs. "Afterwards we can book a hotel someplace."

Standing on her toes she places a quick kiss on my lips and smiles. "I assume you agree seeing that silly smile on your face."

"Do you know what would make me even happier?" I ask holding her by her waist and pulling her flat against my chest.

Briefly a weird emotion runs through her face but then she quickly shakes her head. "What?"

"Can I come with you tomorrow to the photo shoot?"

She opens her mouth, which I assume it to protest but I quickly shut her down by kissing her long and hard.

"I promise to behave." I say when we break up the kiss.

"Okay…then I guess you can come." She says looking warily.

I grin and kiss her again, just because I can.

"Have I told you today how incredibly sexy you look?" I take her suitcase from her and follow her towards the door.

"No you didn't…" She says turning around. "I think I was too busy calling you every bad name in the book." She adjusts her camera bag over her shoulder. "I want to apologize…I said some horrible things."

"You don't need to apologize because I understand."

She nods her head ….and bites her bottom lip. "Did you only go to see your psychiatrist?"

"No…I first went home to change. I didn't have any clean clothes at your apartment."

"Well about that." She says blushing. "You know the clothes you had in my apartment?" She cocks her head to one side and fuck she looks incredibly cute and adorable and I it just makes me want to cuddle the fuck out of her. "You know that awesome leather jacket?" She continues.

"Yeah what about it?"

"I burned them…" She whispers.

"You burned my clothes?"

Shrugging again she shifts on her feet and finally looks up at me. "I just didn't want any reminders of you in my apartment." I stare at her for a moment completely astonished. She burned my clothes, not that I care about the clothes because I don't give a flying fuck about those; however I do care about her actions. She was ready to walk away from me. Her trust issues and self-esteem are so incredibly low at this point that she was ready to walk away without confronting me about it. Not that I could actually blame her, because the last time I didn't even took the time to listen to her, I simply threw her out.

"I am sorry…" She starts but I cut her off by taking her face in my hands.

"I don't care about the clothes Ana." I say shaking my head. "I just want you to know that even though you don't trust me…yet…I have no intention to ever leave you again. Just please remember that when something happens that has you questioning me…please."

Leaning in to her I start kissing her forehead. "Fuck Ana, I know I caused all of this…and my word means probably shit to you…because let's face it I fucked up badly, but baby I promise you that I would never hurt you again."

"I know…I know…" She is holding on to my arms and her sad face almost has me falling to my knees. But she doesn't know. I can see it in her face. I can see it in the way she is looking at me.

"I will keep proving it to you…no matter how long it takes."

She clears her throat. "Just be patient with me please."

"So what do I need to know about this Adam?" I say look up at the apartment block. I really should have asked Taylor to run a background check on him and his wife, but I guess that it is a little too late for that.

"Don't let him scare you off. He looks intimidating, but he is really not. He is a big teddy bear." She smiles and silently we walk the two stairs up to their apartment.

"I think it is here." Ana says looking at me. A few moments after Ana knocks on the door we hear some shuffling and then the door opens. And holy mother of shit. He is a bear all right. _Christ._

"Shortcake…was about time you came up." He says taking her in a huge hug that has Ana completely disappearing into his arms. He glares at me, squints his eyes and grumbles something under his breath. I simply stare at his big, tattooed arms that are wrapped around my girlfriend. The fucker smirks at me and when he releases Ana he plants a big, wet kiss on her forehead.

"Hey…you all right? Have you been crying? Tell me who the fuck made you cry and I kick his ass."

"No…I didn't cry." Ana says quickly.

He narrows his eyes at her and brings his hands to his beard. "You are still a shit liar shortcake."

"Uhm Adam." She says nervously taking a step back. "I want you to meet someone…Adam this is Christian Grey my boyfriend, Christian this is Adam Spencer."

"Nice to meet you." I say extending my hand.

"Not sure I can say the same." He says taking my hand in a bone-crushing-hold. _Motherfucker._

"Where is Maggie?" Ana says trying to look inside the apartment. However that is totally impossible since he is standing in front of her blocking her view.

"Come on in…she is in the kitchen."

Ana takes my hand in hers and soon we are standing in the tiniest apartment I have ever seen.

There is a squeal and then a flurry of pink darts to Ana wrapping her arms around her. There is sniffling and giggling. When Ana takes a step back from the woman who I presume is Maggie I finally get to have a good look at her. Maggie is tall, probably about 5'9…she is slim but what shocks me the most is her pink colored hair and the tattoos covering her body. Just like her husband. Fuck, what it is with all the tattoos?

After Ana introduces us they offer us something to drink. I soon find out that Adam works as a freelance photographer and Maggie designs furniture.

"Ana would you mind coming with me to the grocery store?" Maggie asks.

"Sure." Ana looks at me and then back at Maggie. "Are you going to be all right?" She whispers.

"I'll live…" I snort. _I hope._

* * *

"Say what you have to say." I look at Adam and take a big chug from my beer prepared to face whatever he has to say to me.

"I don't know what Ana told you about me, but I am not much of a talker." Slowly he rises from his seat, takes one step in my direction and before I know what is happening I feel a sharp pain surging through my head… I clench my jaw where his enormous fist just connected with my face. _Son of a bitch._

"Like I said." He says casually. "I am not much of a talker."

"Do you want another beer?" He asks from the kitchen.

"Sure."

"I deserved that." I say rubbing my face. _Fuck it hurts like a bitch._

"No you deserved a hell of a lot more." He says sitting back in down. "You deserve a good ass kicking dude."

Raising his beer in the air he tips it forward. "That was just an example of what happens if you hurt her again." He takes a long swig of his beer and points his gaze back at me. "You sure fucked with her head man."

"Tell me about Ana in New York." I ask.

"I still remember when she entered that apartment with those huge blue eyes, her hair a mess and her Strawberry Shortcake bag. I instantly liked her." Adam raises his feet and places them on the little coffee table. "Peter felt the same. So we instantly decided to take care of her."

"Did she ever mention what had happened?"

"You mean did she tell us that you left her not even twenty four hours after you proposed?" He sighs and tugs at the bun on the top of his head.

"At first she kept a lot to herself. She answered when asked but she didn't really get into details. I think at the beginning she felt overwhelmed…with the business, the models, the city. But she is a brave woman man and tough as nails…"

"Anyway…" He continues. "She started dating…nothing serious though even though she got a lot of attention from guys. Ana would turn heads when we entered a bar; the fact is that she doesn't see it. She doesn't know how beautiful she is. Then one night after one of her dates she got home and she seemed off…when I asked her what happened she said that her date wanted more…but that she couldn't give him more…that she didn't know how to trust men…so she got incredibly drunk…and she started talking…there was no stopping to it man." Adam looks down at his beer and then back at me. "After that she never mentioned you again. I don't think she remembered talking about you and we left it that way."

* * *

"I guess there wasn't a more expensive hotel?" Ana says looking around the room.

"Don't know, you should ask Andrea. She is the one that arranged this." I didn't expect any less though…Andrea knows that I want only the best. And the Fairmont hotel is the best there is.

I pull her bag from her shoulder and put it carefully on the chair. Then I help her out of her leather jacket. With my hands around her slim waist I push her towards the king sized bed until her knees are hitting the edge of the bed. I gently push her on the bed until I am hovering above her.

"I am sorry that Adam hit you." She says gently touching the bruise. "I told him that he should mind his own business and that he isn't supposed to hit you again."

"I deserved it." I reply and start kissing her neck.

"I don't understand though how he knew. I never talked about you."

"You told them after a date? You got smashed and told them."

Her eyes are filled with remorse and an unspoken apology. "He is just very protective." She says and kisses the bruise.

"Christian…" She whispers.

"What baby?"

Her delicate hand brushes my hair from my face. She opens her mouth and closes it again. "I…I…"

 _Say it…say it…_

Her eyes are open and shining with confusion. She twists her mouth and presses her lips together like she wants to say something, but she hesitates for a moment before finally speaking up.

"I am glad you are here with me." She finally says.

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but seeing what we went through today I'll take whatever she gives me.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi! This will be the last update for a few weeks. I am leaving for a three weeks' vacation coming Saturday. Next update is the first week of September.**

 **I wish you all an amazing summer. Thank you for reading.**

 **Alner**


	22. Chapter 22 - Fairy tales

**Chapter 22 - Fairy tales**

 **Christian**

Ana has been behaving fidgety since the moment she received a text this morning. I have asked her several times if there was a problem but she just waved her hand and plastered a fake smile on her face, shaking her head. Since I know better than to push her I will let it pass…but just for now.

"So tell me about this assignment." I say as I put two pancakes and a little bit of fruit on her plate. I ordered room service this morning so that we could spend more time together, instead of having to sit in a full restaurant.

"I am shooting an interview for an actor. He has been in the magazines since his life has become a little bit…" She waves her fork in the air looking for the right word. "Complicated…" She finally says.

"Complicated?" I take a bite of my omelet and watch Ana's lips wrapping around a strawberry and slowly sucking it. She smiles all the while with her eyes fixated on my eyes. Finally she starts chewing on that damn strawberry. She giggles and then focuses back on the question I just asked her.

"Yeah." She says clearing her throat. "He has this reputation of being a bad boy and he got one of his hook ups knocked up…the girl, a Victoria Secret model didn't want the child…so the moment she gave birth to the little boy she left him."

"She left?"

"Yes." She whispers. "Can you imagine that? Abandoning your child for the sake of your career?"

I can't…but then again I never really gave much thought to children. I mean sure…with Ana...maybe but then again not now…maybe in ten years or so. Because I still don't think that I would be good father material, but maybe with Ana I could be.

"Christian?"

I snap my eyes back at hers and she is smiling.

"Where did you go?"

"No place important." I say pushing away that strange feeling in my chest.

"What I was saying. He hired a nanny and just went on with his life…one night stands, parties. Until his PR manager told him that he needed to straighten out his life for the sake of his career…because of the articles in the magazine he didn't even get any more film offers."

"SO he needs damage control and he uses his baby?"

"Yes. That is how it works sadly enough." She whispers.

"Have you met him before?"

"Yes…he used to work as a model for Calvin Klein…so I have met him on a few occasions."

"Is he nice?"

"He is okay." She says quickly.

"You are really a shit liar Ms. Steele…"

"Okay." She huffs throwing her napkin on the table and crosses her arms. "He is an asshole. He is conceited, arrogant and first he fucked his way through New York…then when he moved to Vancouver he started all over again."

"How do you know all of this?" I take a sip of my coffee and lean back in the chair. Ana's eyes are looking everywhere but at me and suddenly her phone has become incredibly interesting. "I mean I don't remember you ever read the gossip magazines…"

She keeps fidgeting with her phone while biting that goddamn lip. She breathes a sigh of relief when my phone starts buzzing against the table, saving her from answering my question. Quickly glancing at the screen I see that it is Ros. "I need to take this."

* * *

"Where the hell did the nanny go?" Is the first thing we hear the moment we step into this actors mansion.

There is a lot of yelling and cursing. People are running around like they have lost their fucking minds and in the background we hear a baby crying. It is a heartbreaking sound.

Stepping into, what I suppose is the living room is an even bigger chaos. There are lights set up everywhere, make-up artists looking flustered. One guy in particular is rearranging the lights and talking in hushed tones to one of the make-up artists. A tall blonde guy is standing in a corner, leaning against a wall. His feet crossed at the ankles while he is reading something on his phone. However, when he hears Ana laughing his head pops up. And he just stands there staring at my girl. He is mesmerized. "Ana?"

Ana's head pops up, her eyes are wide. "Hey…hi Noah…" She quickly glances at me and then back at the guy.

"Fuck how long has it been?"Pushing away from the wall he pockets his phone and walks towards Ana. He takes her in a hug, his hands dangerously close to her perfect ass. What is with the fucking hugs? What happened to simple handshakes?

I am about to rip his hands from her back, when Ana hugs him awkwardly and blushes. "Noah I want you to meet Christian Grey, my boyfriend." She takes a step back and entwines our hands. His eyes slowly follow our hands and then I watch confusion taking over his features. Yeah fucker, you heard that right _the_ boyfriend.

"Oh…" He says the confusion still etched on his face. "I thought that you said…"

"I don't think it is the time or place to discuss that." Ana says quickly.

"But you said…"

"Noah…not now…please."

"Can I talk to you later?" He says and his eyes go back and forth between Ana and me.

"Maybe." She says shortly.

He nods and walks away to another room, but not before looking back one more time.

While Ana is setting up the equipment and talking to some other people she makes sure not to meet my eyes. Even when she takes my hand to lead me to a chair she doesn't look at me.

"Sit and stay seated." She says and pushes down on my shoulders. _Yes ma'am._

"Ana. Who is Noah?" I ask before she has the chance to walk away.

"Later." Is the only thing she says before turning around.

The babies crying gets worse and louder until I see another tall, blonde looking guy walking into the living room holding a tiny baby in his arms. He looks utterly lost and not to mention angry.

"Is there someone in this godforsaken room that can get him to shut the fuck up?" He growls. His yelling is only making the baby cry harder though. Ana's head whips up and her eyes turn into little slits. She clears her throat, takes a few deep breaths and places her camera on a table.

Completely ignoring the fucker she walks to the baby and takes the little boy in his arms. And it is like fucking magic. Holding his little body against her chest, she starts whispering soft words into his ear while walking around the massive living room. His cries soon turn into little whimpers until he nestles his little head under Ana's chin and lets out a huge sigh.

Everyone in the room is completely silent watching Ana interact with the little boy. And suddenly something inside of me stirs. Seeing Ana with a baby, seeing that with only a few soft words, a few kisses on his head she can get him to calm down is not only terrifying but it is also incredibly soothing…the idea of Ana walking with our baby in her arms… _What the fuck?_

"Everything okay Christian?" She asks looking at me. "You look pale…"

I shake my head furiously. Because the words are stuck in my throat. _What the fuck is happening to me?_

"I think he has fallen asleep." She says facing everyone in the room. "Henri…I need you to change your shirt…you have baby vomit all over it." She speaks to the actor who is still stunned.

"How did you do that?" He stutters. "I have been trying the entire morning to get him to sleep and the only thing he did was cry…"

"He senses your agitation and discomfort." She says simply. In the meantime a girl with extremely bleached hair and extremely red lips hands him a clean shirt.

"Can you hold him for me?" She asks me leaning down ready to hand me over the little human being. I don't know how I must look but she giggles. "You can do this Christian…"

"What if he cries…or worse what if I hurt him?" I whisper because we really don't want him to wake up and throw another tantrum.

"You won't hurt him Christian. And don't worry about him waking up anytime soon. He is exhausted. But in case he wakes up…" She says as if she is speaking to a child. "Just talk to him slowly and softly."

Five minutes later the little dude is still sleeping and I relax slightly. I can do this. I can fucking hold a little baby without waking him up or making him cry.

And when I think no one is watching I lean down and brush my lips against his forehead. "You are a cute little dude…" I whisper. "And I wish your dad wasn't such a dickhead." When I lift my eyes Ana is standing there looking…funny. Giving me a small smile she turns around and starts talking to Aiden who is in charge of the lights.

"While Henri gets ready I am going to do a few shots to test the light." She says to her assistant. The actor is acting like a fucking diva. When he finally had his shirt on, his phone rang and he decided that it was incredibly important. He has now seven people waiting until he finishes his fucking call.

I watch Ana as she walks around taking pictures of the empty couch where the fucker is supposed to sit with his son. I love the way she moves and focuses on little details at the same time giving instructions to the assistant.

Mr. Dickhead returns with a scowl on his face and walks directly to Ana.

"Sweet cake I think we need to postpone this." He smiles at Ana like the fucking slime ball he is.

"What do you mean?" Ana lowers her camera and takes a step back.

"I just got a phone call and a mate of mine is just in town for a few hours and we need to catch up."

"Wait." She says holding one hand in the air. "Are you telling me that I was urged to come here to take pictures of you and your son at the last minute and that you are now bailing out on me? On us?" Her voice rises with every word and since I know her pretty damn well I know she is about to flip.

"Yeah…what's the deal sweet cake?"

"First, don't call me sweet cake, my name is Ana. Second, there is an entire team here just for you and if I am not wrong, and I am not, this is mostly about salvaging your career. So I suggest to sit your ass down and smile big."

The entire group of people is quiet as they watch the interaction. The fucker blinks his eyes a few times, turns around and plants his ass on the couch. Perfectly following Ana's instructions. _Good boy._

"Thank you." Ana says softly. Dickhead just nods once.

"Aiden can you please get the baby from Christian and give it to his father?"

Reluctantly I give the little dude back to Aiden and I watch as he walks over to dickhead and places him in his arms.

"You need to relax Henri…" Ana says. Ah Henri, so dickhead has a name. A lame name if you ask me.

"He is starting to get fussy." He whines.

Ana sighs and bites her lip. This time it is pure out frustration. "Talk to him…sooth him." She says.

She snaps a few shots, glances at the screen on her camera, and tries again, until she gets the perfect shot.

"Now let's try one standing there at the window. Make sure that your son's face is facing me and I need you to hold one hand under his bum and the other behind his back."

The assistant adjusts the lights while Ana changes the lens of her camera. God, watching her in control is making me fall in love even more with her. _She is amazing._

"Yeah that's it…that is perfect." Ana encourages him. Watching my girl working fills me with pride. She did this all by herself. Even though I broke her heart, she made sure to make a life for herself. She went against her father's wishes and left Harvard. She bravely moved to England where she learned how to photograph, moved to New York where she was hired by a huge agency and then she decided to start her own business. _Fucking amazing._

"Now I need you to place your lips on the top of his head and look down." He does exactly what Ana says, however he looks stiff and something is …off.

"Try to relax…" Ana says while shooting shot after shot. "And now give us a smile…" Ana says encouraging.

"Uhm…I think he just took a shit." He says bluntly and hands the baby like it is a fucking time bomb to a blonde woman.

"I think I have enough pictures anyway." Ana say looking at the screen of her camera clicking through the images.

Two hours later the room is cleared and Ana is placing her camera back in her bag. I watch from my seat as Henri approaches her, smooth and with long strides. _Fucker._

"Say sweet cake…how about you join me for a drink."

"I don't do drinks." Ana says without looking at him. I rise from my seat and take the few steps to Ana, my fists clenching at my sides, ready to punch his ugly face.

"Do you need help baby?" I ask, smoothly. I don't look at her, I stare at him.

"And who the fuck are you?" He growls.

"Someone who you really don't want to mess with." I growl back.

"Look Henri…" Ana says and goes to stand in between me and the fucker. "Instead of spending so much time with hook ups and grabbing drinks with people you barely know, I suggest you start spending some time with your son. He is the sweetest, cutest baby I have ever seen and believe me I have seen a lot. You only get one chance at this…don't blow it."

He swallows and stares down at his feet.

"Thanks…" He says. "See you next time." _Well fucker, not if I have anything to say about it._

"Your agent will have the photos by tomorrow evening."Ana says before walking out.

* * *

"Ana! Wait!" We hear the moment we step out of the house. Taylor and Sawyer are standing by our rental car waiting to drive us back to the hotel. "Noah…I thought…what are you still doing here?" Ana says looking confused and irritated. _Irritated is good._

"I just need to talk to you for a moment." He looks at me and then at Ana.

"One minute…" She says. She looks at me and points to the car. "Why don't you get in the car, I will join you in a minute." She smiles but she still looks nervous. She doesn't want me to hear the conversation. I hesitate, brushing my hands through my hair, my eyes fixed on hers.

"Christian, please I just need one minute." She says giving me a small smile.

"Fine." I say through clenched teeth. Turning around on my heels I stomp my way to the car.

Unfortunately I can't hear one fucking word of what they are discussing. Seeing Ana's posture, she feels uncomfortable. She is shuffling her feet with both her hands tucked in the back pockets of her jeans. He is talking animatedly, with his hands while Ana just shakes her head and every now and then she shrugs. The entire time she keeps her eyes at her feet. She doesn't even look at him.

He starts talking again and she shakes her head. I watch his shoulder slump and he pushes his hands in his pockets. After standing there for a while awkwardly he points at the car and both look my way. I see a small smile on Ana's face while she talks to him.

When he leans in to give her a kiss on her cheek I almost burst out of the car and rip that pretty face from his body. He keeps his hands on her shoulders until she finally takes a step back and jogs to the car where Taylor is waiting for her to open her door.

"Care to explain that little interaction?" I say the minute Taylor drives away.

"It's nothing really." She looks at Taylor and then at me. She looks…guilty, embarrassed? "But I will explain later… when we are alone. "Slowly her hands move to my leg and I immediately take hold of it.

"Are we good Ana? Is there something you need to tell me?" Suddenly everything seems off. A nagging feeling is brewing at the pit of my stomach and I don't like it.

"Of course we are." She breathes. "Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know…you tell me baby."

* * *

"The jet leaves in five hours." I say while Ana is packing her bag. She is avoiding me. She has been avoiding me since she talked to that blonde asshole. And I hate it. I want to rip those clothes from her hands and make her talk to me.

"The jet?" She spins around, her eyes wide.

"Yes Ana, the jet. I own a plane." I reply impatiently.

"Okay. I just thought that we were flying back with…"

"Well you thought wrong." I bark. I immediately regret it when I see her taking a step back. Instead of answering back she just nods her head once and continues packing.

"Who is that Noah fucker Ana?"

Instead of answering me she keeps her eyes focused on that stupid bag.

"Ana?"

"Yes." She croaks. But still doesn't look at me.

"Did he do something to you…did he hurt you?"

"No…no. It is nothing like that." Slowly she sits down on the bed and brushes her hands through her hair. She takes a deep breath and slowly lifts her face to look at me.

"Noah is Henri's brother." She whispers. And it is so fucking soft that it is a miracle I even heard her.

"He is a model. "She continues before I have the chance to say anything. "Remember the other day when I told you that…that." She blows out a breath and rolls her eyes. "Shit this is hard…" She murmurs.

"Anyway…I dated Noah for a few months in New York…he has a completely different personality than Henri. Noah is sweet, caring and a real gentleman." I squint my eyes at her not really liking where this conversation is heading.

"One day I…we…" She stops talking, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.

"God fucking damn Ana! Just fucking say it!" I slam my hand on a side table with as much force as I can muster.

"We ended up naked in my bed…but I freaked out…like really, really freaked out and I started crying…and I threw him out. I have never seen him again after that horrible incident…and I never spoke to him either because I ignored his phone calls." She spits the words out so fucking fast that I have trouble keeping up with her. But I heard her. I heard every fucking word loud and clear. Basically she just told me that she dated a guy, who wasn't only a model, but also sweet, caring and a fucking gentleman _. Everything I am not_. Because let's face it…I am certainly not a gentleman. She trusted him enough to end up in bed with him…naked. Ana was naked with another man. He touched her. He kissed her. _Fuck!_

"You told me the other day…" I don't even finish my sentence. I just shake my head and start pacing the room which seems to gets smaller and smaller with every step I take.

"I didn't lie…I never slept with him." She rambles.

"Did he kiss you?"

She nods and focuses on her hands.

"Did he touch you Ana?"

Again she nods, her eyes still fixated on her trembling hands.

"Did he touch you like I touch you? Did he tell you how good you taste, how soft you are?" I am yelling now and I know that I am being totally irrational and the biggest hypocrite on this planet. But the only thing I can focus on right now is that she was naked with another man.

And even though I see the tears pooling in her eyes I continue with my rant.

"You lied to me!" I yell.

"I didn't…" She shakes her head and looks up at me. "I didn't sleep with him…"

"But he saw you naked didn't he? He touched you Ana! He touched what is mine!"

Her head snaps up and her mouth opens and closes. "What did you say?"

"Fuck! I can't believe that you hugged him when you saw him! Are you still having feelings for him? Is that what you discussed?"  
"No…no…" And then suddenly everything is perfectly clear.

"You love him."

"Is that what you think it is?" She says incredulously. "You think that I was in love with him? That I love him?"

"Then please fucking explain, because I am confused. The secrecy… the whispering…why wouldn't you allow me to stay with you when you were talking to him then huh?" I let out an exasperated growl and turn around on my heels facing the window. I am so worked up that I can't even look at her right now. "You know what Ana? You really confuse the fuck out of me. I don't even know where I stand with you. I don't even know what I mean to you. The only thing I know is that you say you are willing to give me a second chance, but still you keep me at arms lengths…I am walking on fucking eggshells every time we are together…waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Stop it!" She yells standing from the bed. "Just stop it!" Brushing the hairs from her face roughly she takes a few steps in my direction looking completely livid.

"Are you even hearing yourself? Have you even heard a word of what I told you?"

"I heard it all perfectly clear Anastasia."

She snorts. "You only heard what you wanted to hear Christian."

"Yes! That you ended naked with that fucker in a bed. That he touched you!"

"And that I threw him out and you know why? Because …because I couldn't be with him…because every time he touched me I saw your face…every single time he kissed me I remembered the way you used to kiss me…your face would pop up at every given moment…" Her voice breaks but after a brief moment she continues.

"Even though you were the one walking out on me…I somehow couldn't …you know never mind Christian. You are being unreasonable. I never lied to you…as for what you said about keeping you at arms lengths…you. left. me. You didn't even have the balls to tell it to my face, you left me with a stupid note, so yeah, I have every right not to trust you." She turns around and grabs her jacket from the chair.

"I need some fresh air. I will be back in an hour."

"Are…are you leaving me?"

"No…" She says sounding tired. "But I need space and so do you. I want to forget this conversation ever happened or that you accused me of doing things and even making me feel guilty even though there is nothing I should be feeling guilty about. You walked out on me Christian, you made me believe that you had fallen in love with someone else. What was I supposed to do? Stop living? God…I tried…I tried so damn hard to pick up my life…I tried so hard to fall in love…but I couldn't.

I need you to think about what you just said to me and I want to ask you never to do that again…if you…if you love me like you say, you will never say things like that to me again. So…think about it Christian. And when I come back I want to know if you want to continue our relationship, because you clearly don't trust me either. "She gives me a sad smile and walks to the door. "Oh…and you were curious to what he was saying to me? He asked me if I was happy…and I told him that I was…that I was incredibly happy, that you made me happy, that you made me feel alive. That is what we discussed…so now you know Christian."

The door closes with a soft click leaving me alone in the hotel room. Suddenly the room seems to big…too quiet.

 **Anastasia**

"Where are we going Ms. Steele?" The moment I step foot out of the hotel room Sawyer is already there, ready to join me.

"I don't know." I whisper. "I just need to clear my head."

Sawyer simply nods and follows me down the long hallway.

Stepping into the elevator I stand in the corner and wrap my arms around my waist. Why does he have to be so unfair? So jealous. There is nothing to be jealous about.

I look up when Sawyer clears his throat. My gaze wanders from his face to his hand where he is holding a handkerchief. I smile at the gesture. "Thank you." I wipe my nose and listen to the stupid background music in the elevator.

The moment we step out of the elevator Sawyer's phone rings. I roll my eyes, knowing that it is Taylor or Christian calling him.

"Yes, Sir…I am with her." His eyes flick quickly to mine. "She is…fine Sir."

Sawyer listens for a while and then the conversations ends abruptly. I turn left as soon as we leave the hotel, with no idea whatsoever to where I am going.

"Was that Christian?"

"Yes."

"What did he want?"

Sawyer seems to hesitate for a moment, but then his shoulders relax and so does his face. "He asked me if I was with you…and then he said that if you decide to leave without him that you should take the jet."

I stop and spin around. "He thinks I am leaving him?"

He nods and stares at me.

"But I told him I wouldn't…" I mutter. "I told him I just needed space."

Sawyer nods his head again and places his hands behind his back. He opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then as if he remembers who he is dealing with he quickly closes it and takes a step back.

"I need coffee." I whisper.

We enter a little coffee shop, just a few minutes away from the hotel. Sawyer takes a seat at another table and starts scanning the menu. Every now and then his head pops up and he scans the room.

Taking my phone out of my jacket I decide to call my mom. I need to talk to someone and since Christian isn't very high on Kate's list of fun people, my mother is the only other option.

"Anastasia?"

"Hi mom…how are you doing? And how is Bob doing?" I cringe inwardly at the over-excitement in my voice.

There is a silence and then a sigh. I roll my eyes. _Geez…am I that obvious?_

"What happened Ana?"

"Oh mom…" And then I tell her everything. From the moment I woke up yesterday and found Christian gone until the moment I left the hotel.

"Honey…you know that he loves you right?"

"Well…that is what he keeps saying mom…but why throw a tantrum like that?" I whisper.

""He is jealous Ana…and his jealousy is caused by his insecurities."

"He has nothing to be insecure about mom…I mean you have seen him…you know how successful he is…"

"Ana…" She says with her 'mom-voice' "The root of jealousy is insecurity. Insecurity is where a man isn't comfortable in his own skin and because he doesn't accept himself he can't understand how other people do either. This has nothing to do with his looks or success honey…you told me that he was abandoned by his birthmother."

"Yes, but…"

"Ana…he can't understand why his girlfriend would want to be with him and that is why he is constantly thinking that you are plotting a way to leave him. Any interaction with another man he sees as a threat. He thinks he can prevent you from leaving him by preventing you to talk to another man." She says in a softer tone.

"What do I do now?" I ask.

"Do you love him Ana?"

"Mom…" I whine.

"Tell me Anastasia Rose Steele, do you love Christian?" _God, I hate it when she uses my full name!_

"Yes…yes I do…and the intensity scares me mom."

"Have you told him? Have you said those three little words to him?"

"No…I haven't." I admit.

"Why?"

"Because that is the only thing I have left before he breaks down all of my walls…because I am scared that when I finally say those three words he will leave me again."

"Oh sweetie…has he told you he loved you?"

"Yes…multiple times."

"And how does that make you feel Ana?"

"I don't know…" I admit lamely.

My mother snorts. "I am going to ask you again Ana. How does that make you feel?"

"Cherished…safe…happy." I say closing my eyes. "But even though I haven't said those three words, I expressed them to him…by doing things."

"Yes…but don't you think that if you never actually tell him that you love him that things get confused?" My mother says. "Actions and words need to line up Ana."

"You are right." I say after letting the words sink in. "You are right mom."

She laughs softly. "Now go and tell that handsome man of yours that you love him. And a little advice from your mother…keep talking to him. Men are just like kids, you have to explain and tell them everything." She is silent for a while and then she continues with a little sigh. "I mean it sweetheart…he isn't psychic, he can't look into your head. Keep communicating."

"Thanks mom…and I love you."

"I love you too Ana."

As I slowly walk back to the hotel with Sawyer right behind me, I think about the conversation I just had with my mom. I understand Christian's insecurities, but that doesn't mean that he can't trust me or that it is okay to throw a tantrum every time I talk to a man. I never gave him any reason not to trust me. I am not his birthmother. I would never deliberately hurt him.

When I was little I always thought that falling in love was something magical. Two people find one another, and the story ends with a happily ever after. Growing up and living through my parent's divorce I knew that love wasn't always hearts and flowers, but I refused to believe that I would end up like them one day. I simply buried my face in a book where magic was possible. Then Christian walked into my life and I actually started to believe in those fairytales again. That until he broke things off and my heart was broken into a million little pieces.

Despite my self-protective measures I have fallen in love with Christian again. And even though it is absolutely terrifying, it is also exhilarating, vivid and wonderful. And isn't that the point of it all?

"I love Christian Grey." I say in a whisper.

What he said to me is still lingering in my head. " _You really confuse the fuck out of me. I don't even know where I stand with you. I don't even know what I mean to you. The only thing I know is that you say you are willing to give me a second chance, but still you keep me at arms lengths…I am walking on fucking eggshells every time we are together…waiting for the other shoe to drop."_

And it isn't fair on him. Because I really love him with everything I have in me…so if I want this to work, I need to let him in completely.

With my heart racing and my stomach doing funny summersaults I dash out of the elevator and run through the hallway to our room.

Taylor who is standing outside the door raises his eyebrows in amazement and takes a step back to let me pass.

"Thank you…" I whisper before opening the door.

Christian is sitting on the edge of the bed with his back turned to me. His elbows leaning on his knees. His spine stiffens the moment he hears the door clicking shut.

"Has she left?" He asks softly.

"No…she didn't leave…and she doesn't want to leave." I reply.

"Ana?" Rising from the bed he turns around slowly as if he can't believe that I am standing in the same room. _He really thought that I was going to leave._

I give him a small smile and take a step towards him.

"Hi…" I say.

"If you want to leave, you can take the jet if you want."

"But I don't want to leave."

"Okay." He says frowning.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No…I really don't want that." He says without hesitating.

"Listen Anastasia about earlier…I shouldn't have reacted that way…I was wrong and I had no right. I know you would never betray me…I really know that…in a rational way, but then I look at you and see how amazing you are and I can't even comprehend why you choose me. Why of all the men in the world you choose me. I somehow always end up hurting you…and you keep forgiving me. And then my fear takes over and my mind takes me to that dark place where I end up alone, because someone as beautiful, kind, compassionate and amazing like you can't possibly end up with someone as dark as me." He is talking fast, staring at his shoes. It sounds like he has been rehearsing this the hour that I have been gone. It pains me to hear that he still thinks so little of himself.

"Am I the cause of you going to that dark place in your mind Christian?"

His head immediately pops up and his eyes are wide as he shakes his head. "No…on the contrary…you make my life…light and bright…"

"That is a good thing right?" I ask softly and take a step closer to him.

"It is an amazing thing." He whispers back.

"You do that to me too you know." Another step closer. "When I am working and my phone dings with an incoming call or text I get butterflies in my stomach when I see that it is from you. And when you hold my hand when we are walking down the street I feel stupidly happy. When you talk about your business I feel so proud of you." Another step. "Your shy smile that I know is especially for me is the most amazing and beautiful smile I have ever seen… but when you make love to me and hold me in your arms I feel cherished, protected and blissful."

I take another step and brush my hands over his chest to his shoulders. Gently I pull him towards me until our noses are touching.

He still hasn't said anything. He is watching me closely, almost amazed.

"Sometimes you are annoying, you make me yell, you drive me absolutely crazy, but you are everything I want. So yeah, I choose you. And I will choose you over and over and over. Without doubts and in a heartbeat I will keep choosing you."

Christian closes his eyes and leans his forehead against mine releasing a long shuddering breath.

"Do you know why I feel those things Christian?"

"No…" He whispers.

"Because I love you."

"What?" He says in a strangled whisper.

"I love you." I say again.

"Say it again. Say it again." He murmurs.

"I love you. You enormously, stubborn pain in the ass."

It happens in seconds. I feel Christian lifting me up, pressing me against his chest and starts spinning us in circles. He is laughing and kissing every spot on my face.


	23. Chapter 23 - She loves me

**Chapter 23 Someday**

 **Christian – She loves me…**

 _She loves me. She really loves me._ She just said so not even five minutes ago. When she walked away, saying that she needed to clear her head, I really thought that I had lost her for good. Somehow she came back and told me that she loved me. When I look at her sitting naked on her knees in my bed I can only think that she never seizes to amaze me.

"Take your pants of and come here Christian."

"Yes ma'am." Turning my back to her I sit on the edge of the bed, and pull my pants off. I take the three condoms out of my wallet and throw them on the bed. They land next to her knees. Ana eyes the condoms, gathers them all in her hand and throws them on the floor. "We don't need those." She says huskily. "I am on the pill." Alarm bells go off in the back of my head, but I immediately dismiss them. _She was already on the pill five years ago you ass._

Ana is impatient and totally clueless about my thoughts, because instead of lying back and waiting for me she peppers a trail of wet kisses up my spine. When she moves to my neck and her breasts press against my back I groan. Turning I slide my hand behind her neck and hold her as I kiss her. My other arm slips around her waist pulling her against me as I rise to my knees. She moans and whimpers softly as my hand starts brushing her nipple. She surprises me when she pushes me on my shoulders, taking us both down to the bed. She starts planting soft little kisses on my chest and then smiles shyly as she rises up.

"I want to look at you."

And then something weird happens. I feel vulnerable, exposed. Ana has seen me naked countless times. She knows the reason of my scars. I have got past my issues with the burns with her…but somehow today it feels different. I swallow hard as I watch her eyes roaming my body.

Working as an escort, it didn't bother me when they looked at my chest with pity or questioning eyes. I was quick enough to cut them off before they even asked about it. Besides, they were only interested in one thing…my cock.

Ana is different though. My chest rises and falls rapidly under Ana's roaming eyes.

"Do you know what I think when I look at you Christian?"

I shake my head, not entirely trusting my voice right now. She smiles and kisses my chest a few times before looking back at me. "I think…perfect. You are perfect."

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those words. Enough with the talking. We need to fuck…now.

I grab her arms, pull her down and pour every emotion I have for her into a kiss. When I am lying above her, pressing her into the mattress, I brace on my elbow and slide my cock inside. At first I don't move and let her body stretch around me. After a few second, when she wraps her legs around my ass and nudges it, I start moving slowly. But then she starts pleading.

"Oh God…Christian…oh yeah…don't stop."

I rotate my hips, pushing in deep. I slide my palms up her legs, grasp her beneath her knees and spread her wide open, giving me a wonderful view. _Perfect._

"Touch yourself Ana. Play with your breasts and pinch those nipples baby." She closes her eyes while a soft whimper escapes that perfect mouth. Her small hands starts squeezing those perfect tits, then her fingers start pinching her nipples.

Her muscles tighten around my cock while she starts pleading with me to go faster, harder and deeper. _Christ._

The only sounds in the room are our breathy gasps, ragged groans and the sound of my balls slapping against her skin. Ana's hands fly to my arms and I feel her fingernails digging into my skin the moment her orgasm hits her. Looking down at her, I shout out her name and I come digging my fingers into her hips.

My head goes light and I think I even saw fucking stars when I came inside her. I collapse on top of her, burying my face in her clammy neck.

When the aftershocks fade I pull out and fall next to her on the bed taking her with me. Then I hear that magical giggle. When she lifts her face to look at me I see contentment and happiness. Hearing that giggle and seeing that perfect smile on her face, I don't want to think about what can happen next month. I don't want to think about what can happen in a week. I just want to focus on the fact that my girl loves me.

 **Anastasia**

Nothing is more calming than listening to Christian's quiet breathing and the steady beating of his heart. He is asleep, and it never seizes to amaze me how young and stress-free he looks when he is sleeping.

I stifle a giggle when I look at my surroundings. Who would have thought, Anastasia Steele flying in a private jet. I have no idea whether this is a big jet or a small one, what I do know is that it is very luxurious and could pass as a home.

I must have looked like a moron when Christian ushered me inside and gave me a small tour. The central zone, or what Christian calls the living area, is fitted with white leather seats and fine wool carpets. He pointed out one iPod dock, a Blu-ray player, satellite telephone and Wi-Fi.

The bedroom, were we are now, has a queen-sized bed with the softest linen and a walk-in shower. Next to the bedroom there is an office with a large conference table that can sit six people. He also mentioned that up front there are two additional lavatories. The front of the plane even has a separate cabin in which the crew can rest.

"I really love that sound." Christian says groggily. When I turn my head to look at him his eyes are still closed and there is a small smile on his lips. _He. Is. So. Hot._

"What are you thinking?" He tugs me closer and kisses my forehead.

"I was thinking that I never traveled this…posh before."

He chuckles. "Posh?"

"I normally fly coach Christian." I sigh.

"From now on you can use the jet."He says very matter of fact. "And don't roll your eyes." He adds nudging my shoulder with his fingers.

When I don't reply, he moves until he is laying on top of me, his elbows on both sides of my head.

"I mean it Ana." He says earnestly. "The idea…" He shakes his head. "I understand that your work entails a lot of traveling." He takes a deep breath. "And even though the idea of you travelling is something I need to get used to…I understand. So by using my jet you would give me a real peace of mind"

"Okay." I concede. Because I know how difficult it has to be for him.

A victorious smile breaks out on his face while he leans forward to kiss me. Right on that moment someone decides to knock on the door.

"Mr. Grey, we are about to land." Taylor's muffled voice sounds through the door.

"Impeccable timing as always." Christian mutters sarcastically.

* * *

Somehow our perfect, blissful bubble burst the moment we set foot in Christian's apartment. And I knew it was coming, because there is just so long that you can skip around certain topics. Because fact is that we didn't talk during our stay in Vancouver. When we first arrived we drove immediately to Adam and Maggie, when we arrived at the hotel, both of us were too tired to talk. The second day, I had the photo shoot and then Noah happened.

As soon as the elevator door closes Christian is dragging me towards his bedroom. Before I have the chance to even blink I am laying down on his bed and Christian is hovering over me. "So, were where we." He grins.

"Christian we need to talk." I say and watch his gray eyes cloud with trepidation. He nods once and moves on his back and places both of his arms over his eyes. The shuddering breath he releases cuts right through my heart.

 **Christian**

The moment I cover my eyes with my hands I feel her warm hand griping my bicep. "Please don't hide." She whispers. I close my eyes tight and relish on the fact that she loves me. She said she loves me, even though I had treated her like shit. From the moment Ana confessed her love for me in that hotel room in Vancouver, everything fell into place. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. But now, having to tell her everything I discussed with Flynn has cold chills running up my spine. _What if she hates me for it? What if is she is repulsed by me?_

"Christian…" This time she tightens her hold on my arm and tries to pull it away. I let my arms fall on both sides of my body and stare into her worried, blue eyes. Her eyes. Her amazing eyes.

I shift us both so that we are staring at each other, our foreheads almost touching, and our breaths mingling.

And because I have to touch her, I tuck a loose tendril of hair behind her perfect ear. She smiles and stares at me anxiously, but without pushing.

"When you left my office the other day, I called my psychiatrist. I knew that I needed to talk to someone about what was happening." I clear my throat and take her hand in mine, entwining our fingers.

I sigh when I see the disappointment in her eyes. "I needed to get to the core of…the problem before discussing it with you."

"Did you discuss Elena?"

I nod once. "I always thought that I somehow deserved what Elena did to me. I never stopped her and…" My stomach drops and I swallow a few times to push back the bile rising in my throat.

Since Ana already knows how everything started, I can thankfully skip the part where she seduced me.

"Deep down I always known that what she did was…wrong, but when she showed up in my office the other day and started manipulating me again, I knew I had to fight it, but I couldn't. Every time she is around that fucked up, fifteen year old kid resurfaces. She always makes me feel unworthy. And then you came and yelled at me to grow a backbone and some balls. And I knew you were right."

"I'm sorry I yelled." Ana kisses my hand.

"I deserved it, and I am glad you did. I know that if I want to make our relationship work that I need to cut her loose. I have to face her head on instead of constantly walking away or letting someone else deal with her." I see anger flashing in Ana's eyes and I know it isn't aimed at me. She hates Elena's guts.

"She is blackmailing me with photos. There are mostly pictures from my time as an escort…I don't even know how she got them."

"Maybe they are manipulated." Ana says hopeful. "I can look at them if you want."

"They are not manipulated Ana." I admit.

I can see the determination on her face. She is not going to drop this. "You can look at those photos if you want Ana, but you are not going to like what you see."

Pain crosses her features and I really hate myself right now. I hate that I carry so much fucking baggage to fill a fucking plane. I hate that I am constantly hurting her. If not with words, with actions. It is a fucking miracle she is still here.

"I still haven't heard from Annette." She says thoughtfully. "That can mean that she is on to something."

"Can she be trusted?"

"Yes." Ana says without hesitating.

Surrendering my control is not something I like or something I am used to. Especially to a reporter. I hope Ana is right and that this Annette person is trustworthy. However, I know from experience that especially in the business world, no one can be trusted.

"I never mentioned your name Christian." Ana says squeezing my fingers. "She knows we are together, but I never mentioned your name in connection with Elena."

I nod, but simply because I trust Ana.

"Listen to me Christian; you don't need to explain to me what you discussed with your psychiatrist. It is obvious that you have a hard time expressing your feelings, particularly when it concerns Elena." She scoops closer to me and leans her hand on my stomach and wraps her legs around mine. "And I want to apologize again for telling you to grow a backbone, because you are one of the strongest people I know."

"I am ashamed Ana. I am so fucking ashamed that I can't even put it into words." I admit.

"You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about Christian." She says softly. "I know that you are not there yet, but what she did to you, wasn't your fault."

"I want to discuss this with you…I need it Ana. But I don't know how."

A long silence stretches in between us and when I look at Ana there are tears pooling in her eyes. She is staring at her hands while mindlessly tugging at the duvet.

"John gave me a book. It is about a boy that is sexually abused by his teacher." Ana's hands still and she moves them slowly to mine and takes them into a strong hold. I look down at her tiny hands holding onto mine and a feeling of peace settles in my body.

"The boy explains the guilt and the shame. He thought that he deserved what happened to him simply because he was a bad boy. He thought he was bad, worthless, and pointless. He explains that when he was touched…sexually, it gave him a nice feeling…excited. When he was touched it led to arousal and an orgasm."

She is silent for a while. Her big eyes boring into mine.

"You felt just like that boy didn't you Christian?" She says bringing a hand to my cheek. The tears now streaming down her cheeks.

I just nod my head.

"Christian…being aroused is physical response of your body that you have no control over. And the fact that you had these responses does not make what she did to you okay." I blink a few times, remembering that Flynn said exactly the same things.

"She is the one to blame." She ends with determination.

Suddenly she moves and I immediately feel the loss of her hands on mine. "Sit up. Lean against the headboard."

I do as I am asked and then she straddles me. Her hands cradle my face and she stares deeply into my eyes.

"I am sorry that I yelled at you at your office the other day." I open my mouth to speak but she just shakes her head. "I know what you went through, I know how she makes you feel and yet instead of being supportive I kicked you when you where already down." Her bottom lip starts to tremble but she continues. "I love you…I really do and it hurts me that she makes you feel worthless. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to bring her down. I will not let her hurt you again."

She gives me the sweetest kiss. "I never stopped loving you Christian. I am sorry I didn't say it sooner…I am sorry I hurt you with my stupid comments. But I really love you and nothing will ever change that."

"You are amazing." I say in awe.

"I have my moments." She replies with a little giggle. Her eyes immediately turn serious again. "But I mean every word is said."

"I know."

We stay seated like this for I don't know how long. My arms tightly wrapped around her tiny waist and her arms wrapped around my neck. I bury my face in her hair and I feel calm and somehow as if I can take on the entire world, simply because I have the woman I love in my arms.

I want to ask her about that Noah fucker. The idea that she was naked with him doesn't sit well with me. She said she dated him for a few months. Where did she meet him? Did they go out on many dates? Did he stay in her apartment?

I don't know how, probably she feels my body tensing and she tightens her hold on me. "It has only been you Christian." She whispers kissing my cheek. "Just you."

We stay like this for a while. Both lost in our own thought until she loosens her hold on me and scrunches her nose.

"I really hate to do this." She says getting up from the bed. "But Henri's agent is waiting for the images."

* * *

I thought Ana was hot during that photo shoot, she is even hotter working, or editing, as she calls it on the photos she took of that lowlife in Vancouver.

Every now and then she looks at me over her laptop screen and smiles. "I feel bad for taking up your desk." She says her eyes meeting mine. I just wave my hand dismissively and concentrate back on my e-mail. I haven't done half the work I intended to do, because she keeps distracting me. The way she bites her lip, impatiently taps her fingers on the desk, or scrunches her nose when things don't go as she wants, is far more entertaining that my e-mails.

"Oh shit! What is wrong with this thing!" She closes the laptop and growls.

"What's wrong?" I place my laptop next to me on the couch and walk to the desk.

"I don't know, my laptop is doing weird, it keeps shutting off for no reason at all." She shakes her head. "And every time I want to open my e-mail account the screen gets grainy…"

"You have two more laptops no?"

"I do." She sighs. "But I have a certain software program on this one that I need to edit the photographs; I need to send them to Henri's agent by this evening."

"Why do you only have that software program on this laptop?" I ask slowly.

Blushing she adverts her eyes. "Because those software programs are expensive." She whispers.

"What kind of software programs are we talking about?" I kneel down next to her and force her to look at me taking her chin in my hands.

She mutters a few names and then sighs giving me a tired smile. "I am going to try again." She says concentrating back on her laptop.

"I need to make a phone call." I say rising to my feet. "Be right back."

 **Anastasia**

I could cry right now. I am bone tired, my laptop keeps doing weird things and I only have three more hours before my deadline. And the harsh reality is that I can't even afford a new laptop right now. Not with Kate's upcoming wedding, the bachelorette party, the dress, the shoes, the rent for my apartment and studio…and the list goes on and on.

Christian left the room for five minutes and when he returned he gave me a kiss on my cheek and took his seat on the sofa. Every now and then his eyes dart to mine.

When his phone pings he pushes a few buttons and rises from his seat again. "Be right back."

A few minutes later the door opens again and Christian enters with a man…or should I say a boy. The guy is a few inches smaller than Christian. He is wearing a Superman T-shirt and Harry Potter glasses.

"Ana, I want you to meet Barney. Barney is the head of my IT-department at GEH."

"Hello Barney, nice to meet you." I say standing up and extending my hand.

"Ma'am…" He nods and smiles shyly.

"It's Ana." I smile.

Barney looks at Christian who simply nods his head and then he smiles back at me. "Ana."

Not even a half hour later I have a brand new, very expensive laptop in front of me with the most important software programs available. According to Barney, this is the newest laptop, there are only fifteen available at this moment and I have one of them. Courtesy of Christian Grey.

"I don't know what to say." I bite my lip thinking about a way to pay Christian back. "I don't know when I will be able to repay you Christian." My voice falters at the end and I swallow trying to keep the tears away.

He snorts. "You don't have to repay me Ana. This is a gift." Placing his laptop next to him he pats his legs. "Come here."

I do immediately. Fiercely needing his affection. "I intend to buy you a lot more." He whispers in my ear. "And it would be very much appreciated if you stop fighting me on it." He adds with humor in his voice. I don't find it funny at all. Because if Christian wouldn't have arranged this new laptop I would have had a huge problem.

Effortlessly Christian stands from the couch, supporting my bum and walks to his chair. "Now show me how this editing works." Pushing the chair back he sits down and takes me on his lap.

"Show me." He says pointing his long index finger at the screen.

I clear my throat and start explaining and showing Christian how I import, sort and process the images that are captured in a raw color format.

"What does raw mean?" He says and I giggle from the tickle his breath causes against my ear. He chuckles and leaves a little kiss on my neck.

"Raw photos are the images that come out of the camera. They are flat with bad contrast with dull colors. I need those software programs I told you about to edit the images."

"Fuck you have a lot of duplicates." Christian says scooping closer to the screen.

"I know, but just look." I point at one of the pictures. "Here he has his eyes closed, and in this one his hair is funny…so I spent my time combing through all of them, doing side-by-side comparisons until I land on the best one."

"So the selections process is to carve down the excess?" Christian asks.

"Yes, that is correct." I say looking at him from over my shoulder. "My assignment is to provide professional quality images and that is what I strive to do."

I feel Christian nodding his head. "Just do what you have to do, I am going to watch." With his hands, tightly wrapped around my waist, which is highly distracting, I start working. One hour and a half later I have send Henri's agent the requested images.

"And now you sleep baby. You are exhausted." _I am._ So while Christian carries me to his bedroom, I give in to the exhaustion.

 **Christian**

"Welch"

"Mr. Grey. I am sorry to be calling you at this hour, but I finally received the back ground checks you requested."

"About damn time." I growl.

"We ran a background check on all the tenants in the building where Ms. Steele rents her studio. There is only one that got my attention Sir." And I know, just without hearing the name I know exactly who he is talking about. Everything about that fucker is disturbing.

"Jack Hyde Sir." My body tenses and I rise from my chair and stand in front of the window.

"What about him?"

"Mr. Hyde was born in Detroit where he grew up in a violent environment. His father was an alcoholic. When his mother died and his father disappeared Mr. Hyde was brought to live in a foster home. Due to his violent nature he was sent from foster home to foster home until he turned eighteen. He won a scholarship and attended University of Detroit where he graduated with honors on English Literature. After a few failed relationships he moved to New York where he got a job as an editor at a publishing company. After three years he was fired. Reason unknown. He remained unemployed until the moment he moved to Seattle and started his own Publishing Company. He has one employee, her name is Elizabeth Morgan."

What we did find was that during his employment in New York, he had twelve different assistants." I hear rustling of paper and then Welch clears his throat. _Jesus Christ. Twelve assistants in three years?_

"I want you to have him followed Welch. Talk to Taylor and figure something out."

"Very well Mr. Grey."

"What did you find out about Elena Lincoln?"

There is a long silence on the other side and somehow hesitation. "I will e-mail you the report we have on Mrs. Lincoln Sir." _I don't want to wait. I want to know it now._

"Tell me now Welch."

"Sir. Her finances are a fucking mess. She was denied access to two high-profile BDSM clubs in New York. Sources told me that the reason was because she violated the rules." After a long silence he continues.

"Mrs. Lincoln started the process for adoption." He pauses for a while and then continues. "Your parents are helping her with the paperwork and the legal requirements."

I feel as if the walls are closing in on me as Welch continues informing me about the background check. As it seems Elena has been in contact with a fifteen year old boy for the last six months. She met him in at the Seattle's Children's Home, an orphanage where she volunteered in the monthly outings. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

I am just closing my laptop and struggling with the information I just received from Welch, when I see the door of my study opening. Ana enters with her hair mussed up and pouting. She is holding her phone in her hand. _She looks beautiful._

"What's wrong?"

"I fell asleep while I was waiting for you and then my phone started ringing." She crawls on my lap and places her head on my shoulder. I bury my face in her hair and sniff.

"Stop sniffing me Grey." She says sleepy.

"Was it work?"

She makes a strange sound and shakes her head. "It was Mia." She slowly lifts her head from my shoulders and examines my face. "What's wrong Christian?"

"I just got off the phone with Welch."

"Who is Welch?"

"He is my security advisor. When Elena came to visit me this week I asked him and Taylor to have her followed. I also asked for a background check."

"What did they find out Christian?" She whispers.

And then I tell her everything. Welch even forwarded me the background check of this young boy. His name is Sebastian McGregor and is indeed 15 years old. After his parents died in a car accident he was placed in a foster home. He was nine years at the time. Somehow he started getting into trouble. First in school where he started hanging out with the wrong people… soon after he started committing small crimes. Shoplifting, vandalism and underage purchase and possession of alcohol. Sebastian was twelve years old when he was placed in Seattle's Children's Home. His foster parents tried everything to help him, but they simply couldn't handle him. And now he is going to fall into Elena's clutches.

"Christian…we need to stop her. She is going to destroy him. We can't let this happen Christian!" She is holding my shoulders and shaking me.

"I know…I need to call my parents." Fuck! "My parents both volunteer at this children's home…so does Elliot and Mia."

For a long time we both don't speak. We are both lost in our own thought and well aware of the consequences. I need to tell my parents to stop helping her. But they will have questions, especially Carrick.

"I will speak to my parents after my father's birthday party."

"Okay. Do you want me to go with you?" _Want? I need her. I don't think I could do it without her._

"I need you there Ana." She nods slowly and wraps her arms around my neck. "This means that we can't leave to New York tomorrow…"

"I don't care." She says without hesitation. "She needs to be stopped Christian. Shit I don't want to even think about what she is planning on doing with that poor boy. He is a boy Christian."

"I know baby and I will do anything in my power to stop her." Even if that means coming clean to my parents about what Elena did to me.

I take her face in my hands and take the time to look at her. Not that I don't already know all the details of her face. From the little freckles, playfully spread over that fucking cute nose, down to the tiny birthmark just below her lip. Her eyes, now worried looking up at me provide me with serenity and courage. I have to do this. I have to tell my parents about Elena.


	24. Chapter 24 - Christian Grey's mysterious

**Chapter 24 – Christian Grey's mysterious girlfriend…**

 **Anastasia**

I expected to wake up next to my boyfriend but instead I find his side of his bed empty and cold. There is just this little tinge of panic but quickly dismiss it. _He promised he wouldn't leave you again Ana!_ Before I leave the room I quickly grab my robe lying on the bed end and pull it on. Since the voice mail light is flashing on my iPhone I quickly take it from the nightstand before making my way out of the room.

The moment I step foot in the living room I hear his booming voice. "How the fuck could this happen? I want you to take it down right this fucking minute!" There is silence followed by a crash.

Hastily I make my way towards his study and jump when I bump into Taylor. "Ma'am" He nods stoically. "Good morning."

"Good morning Taylor." I glance towards the door leading to Christian's study clutching the doorknob. "Is he all right? Something happened at GEH?"

"Mr. Grey will explain. Now if you will excuse me." With another nod he walks away with determined steps towards the elevators.

"Christian?"

When I see the angry look on his face I almost turn around and run back to the bedroom. Instead of answering me he starts pacing his study. His hands flying to his hair while muttering obscenities under his breath. When he turns to look at me his face softens a little.

"Baby, are you all right?"

"Yeah…uhm…I think I am…are you all right Christian? I heard yelling and then I bumped into Taylor." His eyes drift to the left side of his office where his phone is laying on the floor. Broken into several pieces. _So that was the crash I heard._

"Come here." When he opens his arms, I don't hesitate and walk into his warm and strong embrace. _God, he smells so good._

There must be something really wrong because instead of letting me go he keeps kissing my hair and tightening his hold on me.

"Christian…I can't breathe…"I choke out.

"Sorry baby didn't mean to hurt you." He says looking down at me. After a kiss on my forehead he releases me.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is wrong?" I walk around his desk and slump down on his chair. His eyes move frantically from his laptop to me. Slowly I turn my head and look at the screen.

 **CHRISTIAN GREY'S MYSTERIOUS GIRLFRIENDS IDENTITY CONFIRMED.**

 **Christian Grey, the elusive and extremely handsome billionaire was spotted in Seattle earlier this week, looking extremely close to Anastasia Steele. The two were seen chatting and joking together, and Grey even stopped to kiss her passionately before entering his apartment complex.**

 **Prior to dating Grey, the 25- year old Anastasia was with Peter Langley a well known New York photographer and later briefly dated Noah Storm, very well known as the hot Calvin Klein model, but broke up with him after only a few months of dating. One thing is certain! The attractive free-lance photographer has a weakness for attractive and wealthy men. We wonder how long this relationship will continue until another attractive and rich man falls prey to this brunette. Only time will tell.**

 **Scroll down for some pictures of Anastasia and Noah while in the Maldives. The couple was enjoying the high temperatures of the beautiful island while Anastasia showed off her peachy bum and cleavage in a tiny black bikini. The couple stayed in the 'Loama Resort' where they shared a bungalow.**

 _Oh my god. Oh my god._ This entire story is completely taken out of context. I don't even bother in scrolling down to see the pictures because I know exactly what they are talking about. Robotically I move my hand to the mouse and minimize the screen. I can't even look at it anymore.

"Christian, I am so sorry…but that is not true. At the time that picture was taken we weren't even dating…and we certainly never shared a bungalow. The entire crew stayed in one of the cheapest resorts of the island." I ramble.  
"I know." He says crouching down to my level. He gently takes my hands in his and squeezes. "I already asked Taylor to get to the bottom of this and to take the story down." I nod keeping my eyes on our joined hands. _Jesus, this is so humiliating. What will his parents think?_

"They basically said that I am a gold digger Christian and some kind of hussy."

"Ana, you can't let them get to you. This is what they do and you and I both know that you are not a gold digger or a hussy for that matter." He is trying to make light of the situation by chuckling but I don't find anything about this remotely funny.

 _God, my business._

"Where did they get that picture from Ana?"

"Instagram."

"Your account?" He asks and I hear the cold edge in his voice.

"Yeah."

"And why the fuck do you post a photo of yourself dressed in…in… straps!" I jump in the chair from the sudden change in his voice. He sounds cold, angry and maybe even disappointed. "And why the fuck do you even use Instagram! Fuck you have a whole load of pictures there Ana!"

Still not being able to look at him I take a deep breath. "Instagram is the only big social media platform based on photography, besides all the big name photographers, all the big brands are on Instagram and this is where I can showcase my work. I even get work from Instagram." I defend myself. I shake my head as I remember the moment when Peter took that picture. The funny thing is that Noah wasn't even there at that moment. Peter and I had travelled ahead like the rest of the crew. The models flew in a few days later.

"It was just for fun…Peter posted it on my Instagram and I never gave it another thought." Christian stares at me. His eyes cold and distant.

After a soft knock on the door Taylor enters with a phone in his hand handing it to Christian. "It's Barney sir."

"Grey!"

While Christian is his asshole self at the phone Taylor stands by the door, hands clasped behind his back. His entire demeanor and his stoic expression remind me of my dad. Just the thought of my dad sends a flash of emptiness through my body. _I miss my dad._

Suddenly I have the urge to cry, hide under the covers and not come out until this entire thing has blown over.

"Ms. Steele. They are vultures." Taylor says by pointing his chin towards Christian's laptop. "We will do anything we can to take down that story."

"Thank you Taylor." _He really is going to make me cry._

"What?" Christian shouts. "How is that even fucking possible! I want you to get to the bottom of this Barney! Ms. Steele's laptop is your priority right now. I also need a new phone for Ms. Steele; I want it delivered in one hour." Christian's hands fly to his hair and he stills.

"You are asking me how to get the phone here Barney? Do I sound like I fucking care? As far as I'm concerned you can use a carrier pigeon! As long as you get it here within the hour, if not, then you can start looking for another job." Turning around on his heels he shoves the phone back into Taylor's hand and dismisses him with a flick of his wrist. _Asshole._

"Barney is going to pull down that photograph. My lawyer is calling that fucking website as we speak since they used the photograph without asking your permission, according to Barney that is copyright infringement." He barks. I am still processing everything he has told me when he continues in the same brisk tone. "Barney just informed me that someone hacked into your old laptop, hence the malfunction. I made it his first priority to find out who the fuck messed with your laptop. I just ordered you a new phone that will be here within the next forty five minutes. Don't use your old one. I will make sure Barney gets it." He says looking at his watch. In a swift move he grabs the phone I am still clutching in my hands and throws it on his desk.

"We need to get ready to have breakfast at my parent's" He continues as if he just didn't throw a load of shit at me. He keeps standing next to the chair I am sitting in and seeing his jaw flexing I know that he is beyond pissed right now. _Well, newsflash because I am pissed too._

"My laptop was hacked?"

"That is what I said didn't I?"

"Jesus what is your fucking problem Christian?"

"My problem Ana? My problem is that I was woken up this morning by my PR team informing me that there was some bullshit story on the internet about my girlfriend. To my horrifying surprise I don't only find said story, but also a picture of _my_ girlfriend, parading practically naked in the Maldives."

Christian pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales loudly.

"Now, bullshit stories I can deal with, naked pictures not so much. So there you have it. Now if you please would be so kind and get fucking dressed, the sooner we get to my parent's house, the sooner this fucking this day is over."

And just like that this entire conversation is dismissed. He goes to sit behind his desk and starts furiously typing away on his laptop, completely ignoring me.

Walking back to the bedroom, I am again overwhelmed by an immense feeling of loneliness. My life has been completely turned upside down by a thoughtless and brainless reporter. But it feels like I am a bystander. It feels like my life is spinning out of control and there are no means to make it stop.

I somehow knew that it would only take days before they found out who the 'great' Christian Grey was dating. But being exposed and embarrassed like that? Not in a million years. Is that the price I am going to pay for choosing to be with Christian? Am I going to be scrutinized and embarrassed every time a reporter feels like it? And is Christian going to flip out like this every time something surfaces from my past?

Christian has always been bossy and hot-tempered. One moment he was happy, but that could change in a second, simply because things didn't go his way. His jealousy and abandonment issues are also things that I am used to. However, it seems to have gotten worse. The way he treats his staff is downright rude. I understand that if you run a multi-billion dollar company that you sometimes have to raise your voice, but this is just unheard of. And if he thinks he can treat me the same way, he will be in for a rude awakening.

The hot water doesn't help one freaking bit with the anxiety I am feeling right now. I dry off and with the fluffy towel wrapped around my body I make my way to Christian's walk-in closet that is now also filled with my clothes. Christian obviously thought it was necessary to expand my wardrobe.

It was an argument I didn't even want to have. He looked so happy when he showed me the clothes that I couldn't find it in my heart to be a bitch about it. _Even though I really wanted to._ When I said that it was totally over the top, he shrugged. When I jokingly said that I don't usually wear gowns to work, he told me, that he expected me to join him on business diners, charity events and whatever was necessary _. He told me, he didn't ask me_. It bothered me a lot, but again, when I looked at him and saw the hopeful look on his face, I stood on my toes and kissed him.

Skimming my finger tips along the different expensive fabrics I slowly feel the anger building inside of me. _Fuck you Grey._ I am definitely not going to wear these clothes. If he even thinks for one minute that I am going to submit to all of his demands and wishes, then he's got another thing coming.

When I enter the living room thirty minutes later I find Christian sitting on one of the barstools while scrolling through his phone. He probably showered in one of the guestrooms. He is wearing jeans with a white button down and a blue sport jacket. He looks incredibly handsome, with his messed up hair, still damp from the shower. He lifts his eyebrows when he sees what I am wearing; a black blazer, white V-neck T-shirt and blue ripped jeans, and I just stare back at him, daring to say something. _I wish he did._

We hold each other's eyes until Taylor interrupts our stare down when he enters the room clearing his throat. "Ms. Steele. This is your new phone."

"Thank you." _I guess._

He then hands me an envelope. "Here are your new passwords for your phone and for your website. Barney also said that if you encountered any problems, you can always contact him day and night. He already programmed his number into your phone." With a nod of his head he turns to look at Christian. "Sawyer is waiting downstairs sir, whenever you are ready."

"Anastasia."

 _Wait a minute. Just wait a freaking minute._

"A new password for my website?" I ask incredulously. "You hacked into my website and changed my password without consulting me?"

"I didn't 'hack' into your website Anastasia. Barney did." _And that makes it okay?_  
"Couldn't you at least have discussed this with me? You could have asked for my password Christian! You should have of discussed this before changing the password of my website!"

His eyes flare with anger when he takes a step closer. "Then why the ever living fuck didn't you take matters into your own hands Anastasia?"

"Because I didn't even get the chance to react! I woke up and found you yelling and smashing things against a wall. Then I read that article on that fucking website, from a reporter, who not only doesn't know me, but who also doesn't have her facts in order, saying that I am some kind of whore, who is only inclined in dating rich men! Then I am dismissed, by my boyfriend, as if I where some child and I am ordered to get dressed."

A growl erupts from Christian's throat and he takes another step towards me. "Don't ever call yourself a whore again, do you hear me?" _Oh, just shut up!_

"That is not the point Christian! Why didn't you discuss this with me?"

"And what? You would have called your lawyer? Do you even have a lawyer Anastasia?" He says mockingly. _I hate it when he does that._

"First, stop calling me Anastasia. I know you are mad at me, but calling me Anastasia every two fucking minutes is pissing me the hell off. Secondly, no I don't have a lawyer. But I don't need a lawyer or a bunch of other people to make one phone call and tell them to pull my images from their website!" I yell at him.

He is staring at me with a dumbfounded look on his face. He blinks his eyes a few times, swallows harshly and then his shoulders sag in defeat.

"I was only trying to help you." He says after a few seconds of silence. His eyes now downcast and his shoulders slumped.

"I know, and I appreciate it. But it doesn't mean that you can take over my life. It is all too much Christian. First the laptop, then I find a closet full of expensive clothes. I blink my eyes two times and I even have a new phone! And then you take the liberty of ordering your employee to change my password? It is too much…" I say again. "It is suffocating."

"I suffocate you?" He says and he looks crushed.

"Sometimes you do. And we already had this conversation a few years ago. I am a grown woman Christian. You have to stop ordering me around and thinking _for_ me. I am very capable of doing that myself. If or when I need help, I will turn to you."

"You promise?" He asks closing the distance between us.

"I promise." _And now for the elephant in the room._

"As for that photo on my Instagram account…" He inhales sharply and closes his eyes.

"That picture was probably taken two years ago and I am sorry that you feel so humiliated."

"I don't feel humiliated Ana." He says interrupting me. "You look hot and sexy, but the idea of other men ogling you and jerking off on that picture is something I can barely deal with." _Men ogling me? Jerking off? Sure._

I snort and kiss his lips. "You have no idea how captivating you are Ana. You are innocent and sexy at the same time…" I feel the blush spreading over my face and I quickly place my finger over his lips.

"Just for you okay?"

* * *

"Oh my God Ana! Noah Storm? Really? He is like so incredibly hot!" _Well shit_. Even this early in the morning, Mia is her bubbly self. Kate is eying me suspiciously from the other side of the table. Her eyes are boring a whole in my head as she takes a sip of her coffee. _What are Kate and Elliot doing here anyway?_

"And Peter Langley, he is hot too, in a different geeky-kind of way, but hot nonetheless. His parents are loaded, isn't his father some Wall Street hotshot?" Mia continues oblivious to my discomfort.

"Tell me!" Mia continues also totally oblivious of the harsh stares Christian is throwing her way. "Is Noah Storm really that nice as they say he is?" Mia can't hold down her enthusiasm. She is beaming and almost jumping up and down on her seat from excitement.

"Yes Ana, please do tell. Noah Storm? Peter Langley?" Kate's voice is soft and scary.

"You should both know better than to believe those gossip sites." I say as calmly as possible looking at both of them. "I was never in a relationship with Peter or Noah." And that is everything I'll say about it.

Luckily Grace and Carrick enter the room holding hands, making them both shut up. Kate is still throwing daggers at me, but I just concentrate on my coffee and try very hard to avoid her. _I guess will have to deal with her later._

"Christian! Ana!" Oh we didn't know you had already arrived. Grace walks with an elegancy that I can only dream about towards us with the biggest smile on her face.

"I am so glad you came." She whispers in my ear.

"Thank you for having me Grace." She smiles and places a tendril of hair behind my ear, unshed tears pooling in her eyes.

"Ana, it is so nice to see you again." Carrick engulfs me in one of his rare hugs and kisses my forehead.

"Likewise Mr. Grey and happy birthday." I feel the blush creeping up my face as I notice everyone looking at me.

"Thank you Ana and I am still Carrick." He chuckles. I just nod not really knowing what else to do. When Christian clears his throat, Carrick's expression changes as he turns to look at his youngest son.

"Father, congratulations." Christian says formally. Instead of hugging him, he extends his hand as if he is congratulating a stranger. If Carrick is hurt he is incredibly good in hiding it.

"Thank you son." Carrick looks his son in the eye and doesn't seem to want to let go of his hand.

"I'm hungry! Let's eat!" Elliot bellows.

The conversation at the table flows perfectly. It is mainly Mia who is talking and I have never been so happy for her presence. Carrick and Grace still haven't said anything about the article this morning, and I don't know if they just haven't seen it yet or that they simply don't want to make me feel uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for it.

"Oh I almost forgot." Grace says. She graciously dabs her mouth with the linen napkin and looks at me, her eyes smiling.

"You remember that little patient of mine? Theodore?"

"Oh yes, yes I do!" _God, he was so cute._

"Well, the other day he got the surprise of his life. Two players of the New York Rangers came to visit him. They brought him signed jerseys and stayed with him for over an hour. I have never seen a child looking as happy as he did." She covers my hand with hers.

"Grace I don't have anything to do with it." I say.

"But he said that you knew one of the players. He couldn't stop talking about you."

"I do." I say clearing my throat. "But I simply send him a message asking to send a signed jersey to Theodore. I never asked him anything else."

When I look at Christian he is actually blushing. "You did that." I say. "You arranged for them to visit Theodore." I say in awe.

He shrugs. "It was no big deal actually. I just asked Andrea to make a call."

"That is so sweet of you Christian." For a moment I forget where we are and I grab the lapels of his jacket and plant a hard kiss on his mouth.

"You are amazing." I whisper against his mouth.

"So Ana tell me how it is to travel the world, visit the most beautiful places and even get paid for it." Carrick says clearing his throat and breaking our little moment.

"Actually it is amazing." I smile. "But it looks more glamorous than it actually is."

"What is the most beautiful place you have ever been?" Mia asks.

"I don't know. But I think that the 'Fairy pools' In Scotland are breathtaking. And what also made a huge impression was Petra in Jordan."

"Ah the Rose City." Carrick says.

"Indeed. Have you ever been there?" I ask genuinely.

"Unfortunately not. But I have read a lot about it."

"You should definitely go. And while you are there visit it by night. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. There is a licensed guide who will take you walking from the Siq to the Treasury and the entire walk is lit with over 1500 candles."

"I have seen Ana's photos." Kate says proudly. "They are beautiful." I give her a thankful smile over the table, happy that she doesn't seem as pissed anymore. But I know Kate. I am actually surprised she didn't ask me to join her to the bathroom so she can start the interrogation.

"Grace told me that you also did an assignment about the homeless in New York?"

"Yes, I did and it was a great experience."

"Two weeks after they started this project, they started a homeless fund program. Thanks to Ana's photographs and the short interviews her friend posted on Instagram, they raised two hundred thousand dollars in one week." Christian says proudly, closely looking at his father.

"Ana that is amazing." Grace says. "I'll say." Carrick agrees.

I smile not really knowing what else to do and I can only hope that someone says something to draw the attention away from me. But then Elliot does and I wish he hadn't.

"Talking about Instagram…nice bikini Ana." He whistles and claps his hands like a moron.

Mortified I place my utensils down and stare at the table. Christian's hand immediately moves to my thigh and he squeezes it gently. I am grateful for his sign of affection, but I wish Elliot had kept quiet.

"Ana sweetheart. You don't have to feel embarrassed. We have dealt with the media hundreds of times. If we have to believe them, Carrick and I have been divorced three times, Elliot has three illegitimate children. They also claimed that he was in an affair with his receptionist, which he didn't even have at that time…" She pauses and stops to think for a while.

"Oh and I run of to live in a commune!" Mia laughs.

"We know that those articles are based on lies. The woman they portrayed in that article is not the Ana we know and love."

"I still love that bikini though!" Elliot says again at the same time grinning at Christian.

Christian doesn't seem to find it funny though. "Will you just shut the fuck up about that bikini?"

"Christian!" Carrick and Grace say in unison.

Christian doesn't get the chance to reply because we are interrupted by little Ms. Two-pigtails, also known as Gretchen, informing Carrick that Elena just arrived.

"Good morning everyone." Every one turns to stare at the door where no on other then Elena Lincoln is standing looking poised and…wrinkled. Standing behind her is a tall boy. _Oh my god, that must be Sebastian._

"Oh dear, I hope I am not interrupting a family reunion." Her eyes flick to me, before she returns her attention back to Grace and Carrick.

"Actually you are." Mia mutters. The smile and giddiness now completely disappeared and replaced by annoyance. I don't know if Elena heard her, but she just saunters towards Grace and air kisses her.

"Carrick, Happy birthday." She kisses him on his cheek and smiles that horrible wicked smile.

"Thank you Elena." He says politely. "Why don't you take a seat and join us for breakfast?"

"Oh that would be lovely!"

"Well, we should get going Katie Pie." Elliot says. He still has food on his plate, but he quickly throws his napkin on the table kisses his mother goodbye and walks towards the door.

"Kate? You coming babe?"

"Ana, call me later okay?"

"Sure."

"Sebastian! How are you doing dude!" Elliot says shaking Sebastian's hand and clasping him on his back. Sebastian winces when Elliot touches his shoulder. He recovers quickly and gives Elliot a polite smile.

"I am fine Mr. Grey."

"I already told you man, I am Elliot, that old guy over there is Mr. Grey." He winks at him. "Hey, I was thinking, my dad and I have planned a weekend trip in January to Bainbridge Island. Why don't you join us? We can even ask my asshole brother over there to join us." Elliot turns to look at Christian who is looking at Sebastian as if he has seen a ghost.

"Christian?"

"I need to check my schedule Elliot." Christian says clearing his throat.

"Nah…I'll call Andrea and charm her pants off." Surprisingly Christian doesn't say anything. He just keeps staring at the boy.

"I will have to ask Mrs. Lincoln." Sebastian says.

"I don't think she will have a problem with you going away on a man's weekend. Do you Mrs. Lincoln?" Elliot smile doesn't reach his eyes when he turns around to look at Elena.

"Maybe we can make a family outing out of this? Doesn't Christian have a house in Aspen?" _He has?_

"Oh or maybe your house in Montana?" Elena says and looks at Grace with that fake smile on her face. God, she is so vile and disgusting. I don't even know how Grace doesn't see it? How can a woman as gentle and good as Grace even stand to be in her presence? Everything about Elena Lincoln screams fake, vile and dangerous.

"Nope…" Elliot says. "Women are definitely not welcome on this trip." He says before Grace even has the chance to open her mouth.

"Well, I guess that's settled than. A guy's weekend in January. I will ask my assistant to book a cabin in Bainbridge Island and maybe we can ask your grandfather to join us." Carrick says, but he is only looking at Christian.

"I will call pops." Christian says. Carrick smiles big and leans back in his chair looking extremely happy.

"I suddenly lost my appetite." Mia says while she pushes her chair back. Her eyes soften when she looks at Sebastian, who is still standing at the doorway.

Slowly Mia makes her way to Sebastian and takes his hand in hers. "Come I want you to meet my brother Christian and his girlfriend Ana."

"Sebastian! Don't just stand there son!" Elena says her voice sounds so cold and detached. _And_ s _he calls him son? God, I want to vomit._

 **Christian**

Here I am shaking this young man's hand. Actually he isn't a man just yet; he is only a fifteen year old boy. He is polite and reserved as he shakes my hand and I am rocked to my core as I see the same emptiness and solitude in his eyes as I saw in my own eyes when I was his age.

"Sebastian it is very nice to meet you." I say. And I mean it. Seeing this boy, with the little fuzz above his lip and chin. He is just a teenager who is trying to find his place in the world. And instead of having fun with his friends he is dragged into a dungeon and punished by Elena. And even if I don't have the evidence yet, I know it just by looking at him. His attitude. His behavior. The way he constantly keeps looking at Elena, gauging her reactions. He is another one of her victims and I need to help him.

I smile as he blushes slightly when Mia introduces him to Ana. Instead of shaking his hand, Ana hugs him lightly. "It is so nice to meet you Sebastian." She says softly.

When Elena clears her throat I see her eyes zoned in at Sebastian and Ana. Quickly Sebastian's eyes widen as they dart to look at Elena. He tenses, takes a step back detangling himself from Ana, and moves his eyes to the floor. _Christ._

"Christian did you have had time to go through my business plan? And what do you think of the name Esclava?" Elena has the audacity to ask.

"I'd rather don't discuss business when I am spending time with my girlfriend and parents, but since you asked…" I take the time to sit down and give her a long hard stare.

"I am going to be fair Elena. The first thing I noticed was that I missed the most important key elements. For example, the financial features and the competitive analyses. Really, those are just a few examples. Your statement of purpose it too long. I am not going to read eight pages because it is clear that the business, won't be a good investment, simply because you are indecisive and don't know what you really want." I make a show of picking up my coffee cup and slowly bring it to my lips.

Ana who is now sitting beside me is trying hard not to smile.

"Do you want me to continue?" I ask when I place my coffee cup back at the table.

"You are right." She says waving those talons of hers in the air. "We really shouldn't be discussing business in the weekend." She shifts in her chair. "I'll just visit you Monday morning in your office, and we can discuss the business plan."

"I am not going to invest in your beauty salon Elena."

She cackles nervously and points those beady eyes at me. She is warning me, however I don't give two flying fucks. "Surely you could give me some pointers and…"

"Elena" I say rudely cutting her off. "You didn't show me that your business is something worth putting my hard-earned cash into and that this investment will work hard for me as your company starts to have success. You have an inexperienced team. Your startup costs too much. You may think that your new company is worth $5 million. But I believe that it's worth only one-tenth of that. I am not the right investor, meaning that your company is not operating in my area of expertise. And finally I don't trust you." My mother gasps and my father closes his eyes at my bluntness. I ignore them and continue, loving every fucking moment of burning this which down. "Like I said, I don't trust you. What you probably don't know about me is that I also invest in people. You could have walked into my office and pitch me one heck of a product. Yet I am not sold on you as a person, so forget about my investing in your company. If I can't trust your character, judgment or leadership skills, then let's not waste each other's time."

For a moment she just sits there, those evil eyes boring into mine. The way she is holding herself is clearly an indication that she is about to combust.

"Spoken like a true entrepreneur. I am proud of you big brother." Mia kisses my cheek and saunters away taking Sebastian with her.

"Oh and Elena." Mia says turning around when she reaches the door. "Esclava is a horrible name for a beauty salon. Use your common sense." Mia winks at me playfully before turning around.

My mother gasp. "Mia Trevelyan Grey, you come right back here and apologize to Elena!" But the only sound we hear is giggling and the backdoor closing.

"Maybe someone else is willing to invest in your business." My mother says sweetly.

"I guess rejection is a part of the process." Elena says coldly. "I will follow Christian's advice and take another look at my business plan." She waves that wrinkled hand of hers in the air as if it not a big deal and I just didn't totally humiliate her. But I know and she knows that no one is willing to invest in her business. Her ex-husband made sure of that and also did my grandfather.

"Now Carrick, I was wondering if you heard something about the preliminary hearing, maybe we can discuss it in private?"

 _No, no, no! I need to stop this!_

"Sure Elena, why don't you follow me into my office."

"Dad!" I call out. His head whips in my direction, the surprise evident on his face. I haven't called him 'dad' since the day he threw me out of this house.

"Son?"

"I would really like to talk to you. Five minutes." _Please._

"Of course son." He turns around to look at Elena who is too stunned to even say a word.

"Elena, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all Carrick. Your children always have priority, I understand."

"Christian, what is wrong? And son I don't want to interfere with your business, but don't you think you were a bit harsh on her?"

"No, I don't and I will explain some other time. But first I have a question."

He points with his arm to the vacant chair across his desk.

"The preliminary hearing dad. What does that exactly mean? Is that to finalize the adoption?"

"No" he says furrowing his brow. "Christian, may I ask why you need to know this?"

"Please dad just answer my question."

"The adoption will be finalized in a final adoption hearing."

 _Thank fuck_. "Can you stall this dad?"

"Christian son…"

"Dad…I know that you don't really trust me and that I have disappointed you over the years, and even though I vowed to myself never to ask for you help again…I need to ask you this. Please stall this hearing."

"Christian…I do trust you and as for what you are saying about disappointment. That is not true. I know that I should have handled things differently and…"

"Dad please, I didn't come here to talk about what happened five years ago." I snap.

"Then why are you asking me this?"

"Isn't the purpose of adoption to meet the needs of these children and to give them a safe and sound home? With love and care?"

"Well, yes of course."

"Trust me, when I say that Elena can't give Sebastian that." I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Christian, what are you implying?"

"Tomorrow morning dad. I will discuss this with you after your birthday party."

He seems to think about my request and then he slowly nods his head. "Very well. I will tell her that I can't get a hold of the judge."

"So, you are really coming to my birthday party?" My dad opens the door and lets me pass.

"Yes, we are."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me son." He stops in the hallway and buries his hands in his pockets.

"Elliot and Kate are spending the night here tonight. Why don't you stay with Ana? You can sleep in your old bedroom. And I know your mother would be thrilled!" He adds quickly.

"I will think about it." I give him a nod and quickly disappear towards the living room to get my girl.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi ladies!**

 **Eagerly awaiting the Fifty Shades Darker trailer? I know I am. And what did you think of the teaser trailer? Bit short, no? ;-)**

 **I hope you all liked this chapter. Oh and make sure to check out my Pinterest page!**

 **Thank you all for reading!**

 **Alner X**


	25. Chapter 25 - Trust

**Chapter 25 – Trust**

 **Christian**

The ride back to Escala is silent and uncomfortable. I don't know if Ana's silence is because of the two hours we spent listening to Mia spewing all kind of ideas about Kate and Elliot's bachelor parties or that she is still affected by the article this morning on that website. I expect the latter.

And the problem is that I don't even know how to solve it. Well, it is partly solved. The website of is now inaccessible. This thanks to Barney's brilliant mind. He was talking about 'backdoor's and viruses. I don't give a shit how he's done it, as long as it can't be traced back to GEH and the problem is solved. Is it legal? Probably not…do I care? Nope.

Then there is the fact that Noah fucking Storm called her while we were discussing things with my sister. After a brief hesitation Ana excused herself and left the room. She returned five minutes later, however her expression didn't tell me anything about what they had discussed. _And that pisses me off._

Call me jealous, possessive or a downright creep, but I just need to know what they talked about.

"What did Storm want?"

Slowly Ana turns her face from the window and faces me. "He said that he had read the article and that his PR is working on it."

She opens her mouth to say something else, but I beat her to it. "Well you surely talked for a long fucking time!"

She sighs. "He also asked me if I wanted to be part of a project. In collaboration with the National Down Syndrome Society they want to start a project called 'Awesomeness.' Noah's niece, his sister's daughter, died three years ago due to congestive heart failure, she also had Down syndrome." _Well fuck, I didn't see that coming._

"Did you meet her?"

"Yes, Julie…she was awesome…incredibly sweet, yet stubborn. She loved so much." She smiles.

"The reason for this project is to help others appreciate people with Down syndrome, and help them see their individual, unique personalities. And to show people everywhere that those with Down syndrome have just as much to offer the world as anyone else."

Fuck! They must have been even more serious than I thought. If Ana knows his niece that means she met his parents at one point. And you don't bring a girl to meet your parents if you aren't sure about her.

Roughly I brush both hands over my face and count to ten in my head. But I can't seem to stop it.

I really don't want to discuss Ana's and fucking Storm's relationship, but I need to know. This is making me fucking crazy.

"How long did you date him?"

"Christian…" She says tiredly rolling her eyes. _She is fucking rolling her eyes._

"It is really a simple question Ana. How. Long. Did. You. Date. Noah. Fucking. Storm?"

"A few months."

"And even though you claim that you weren't in love, you met his parents!" I bristle.

"Whatever gives you that idea?" She says confused.

I shrug. "You met his niece."

"Look Noah worked for the same agency as I did. I did a lot of his photo shoots and his niece was there one day that is how I met her."

"Where you in love with him?"

"No. I wasn't in love with Noah, Christian. Jesus can we please stop talking about this. We already discussed this. I don't know what else I can say about it!" She throws her hands in the air exasperated and leans with a tired sigh against the seat.

"There is no need to be jealous." She whispers.

"I am not jealous Ana…" I say clipped. "I am territorial. Jealousy is when you want something you can't have. Territorial is protecting something that is already mine." Slowly her eyes open and she turns her face to look at me. I just stare back, challenging her to fight with me. Does this make me an asshole? Probably.

Instead, she snorts, closes her eyes and mumbles. "Whatever." That little word only pisses me off even more.

"I want you to decline that assignment."

"I already did." She replies. Her eyes still closed.

"Good."

"And I don't want you going to Russia either." I continue. "It is too dangerous Ana. I have a bad feeling about it."

"So you've said a couple of times." I don't like the sound of her voice. She sounds distant, hurt and I have the feeling she'd rather be anywhere else but here.

"Ana, I mean it."

In that same moment Taylor parks the car in the Escala underground garage and without answering me, or waiting until her door is opened, she jumps out of the car and practically runs towards the elevator, where she fervently starts to push the button.

The ride from the ground floor to the penthouse only takes thirty seconds. Today, it seems like a fucking eternity. Ana is standing in the far corner with her back against the mirrored wall, looking through her bag. She looks so sad…as if she is going to burst into tears any second. _Do something Grey! Fix this._

The moment the elevator doors slide open and we enter my apartment I take her hand and drag her towards my study. I want to show her what Barney has done. I want to be able to do something to get that sad expression from her face. I want to make her smile. _Just like on that picture, don't you Grey?_

"Wow, Barney is really smart." She says after I've shown her that the website is indeed inaccessible.

"He really is." I reply proudly when I see the small smile on that beautiful face. And since I don't know how to make up my shitty behavior from this morning, I swing her around and kiss her. I pour everything in the kiss. But especially the love I feel for her.

The moment the kiss ends she wraps her arms around my neck tightly and sighs contently.

"So, what did you and my sister finally agreed on about the bachelor parties?"

She shakes her head playfully and squints her eyes at me. That button nose scrunching up in that fucking adorable way. "Very convenient Grey all those phone calls."

I laugh throwing my head back. "What can I say baby, I am a very busy man." I whisper in her ear and gently bite her earlobe. "So?" In the meantime I snuck my hands under her sweater, but before I even can reach those perfect tits, my hands are pushed away with a giggle.

"I can't concentrate like that." She breathes.

Lifting her head she looks at me from under her lashes. "She said something about going to Vegas for a weekend, there is this website where you can customize your own party. You can select your own preferences and the options are endless, like a limo pick up from the hotel, tickets to the Chippendales, private pole dancing classes." _So not happening baby._

But at this point I really don't give a fuck. I have Ana sitting on my lap, she smells amazing and I am horny as fuck.

"Christian, have you heard anything I've said?"

"Hmm, hmmm. Mia wants to go to Vegas where you can customize Kate's cock-fest." She giggles. "And you are staying a weekend." Gently I brush my mouth against her ear and whisper. "Can we fuck now?"

"Christian I have been thinking…" She replies absentmindedly. _Oh oh._

"About what?" My hands snake under that sexy as hell tank top until my thumbs are grazing her nipples. Her soft moan has me moaning too.

"About what?" I ask again and smile against her neck. She is so easily distracted.

"About the pictures you wanted me to take for GEH…have you read my contract?" Lazily she moves her pelvis rubbing herself against my dick.

"What about it?" Her dainty hands fumble with the buttons of my shirt while leaving a trail of kisses on my jaw.

"You are perfect Christian." She says now staring at my chest. Her hands are moving slowly, grazing my nipples. I smile again. I win, because the conversation she wanted to have is forgotten. _For now._

The moment I rise from my chair, with her perfect, tight ass in my hands her head snaps up. "Where are you going?"

"Bedroom."

"No…I want it here. I want you to fuck me on that desk." _Who am I to object?_

"Take your top off and bend over the desk and stick that perfect ass in the air baby." Momentarily she seems to be taken aback, but she recovers quickly and does exactly as I told her.

I make quick work of my belt and zipper and before I know it I am standing naked behind her. Her breathing has become ragged as I trace my finger from her spine down to her lace panties.

"What did I tell you Anastasia? Didn't I tell you to wear those sexy boy shorts?"She moves her head up and down. _Not good enough baby._

I rub my hand over her perfect cheek and let it come down.

"Oh shit Christian! That hurt!" She gasps. When she tries to turn her head to look at me, I quickly move my hand to her head and grab a fistful of that brown colored hair.

"You defy me every step of the way Anastasia." I rub my free hand over her red cheek and move my fingers down to her pussy. She is drenched.

"Why didn't you wear the clothes I bought you Anastasia?" Smoothly I brush a few hairs out of her face so that I can see her face when I spank her. I lift my hand again and bring it down. I quickly move my hand between those perfect cheeks and push against her drenched pussy. She moans and I watch as her eyes close in ecstasy.

"You like that huh baby? Do you like it rough?"

"Christian…" She whispers. "Please…" _God I love it when she begs._

"Why did Noah call you Ana?" Tightening my hold on her hair I gently bite her earlobe. "What did you need to discuss that you didn't tell me?" I growl. My jealousy and protectiveness taking over my mind.

"Is this what that fucker did to you? Did you touch you here?" I slide my finger into her wet pussy and start to move in and out fast. She tenses, but when a small whimper escapes her lips, I continue circling her clit with my fingers.

"I asked you a question Anastasia. Did he touched you like this?"

"No! Jesus! No!" _Thank fuck!_

The moment I feel she is going to orgasm I pull out my finger and start rubbing her cheeks. When she relaxes, I smack her again and when she moans in pleasure I suppress the urge to walk away and deny her an orgasm. That will teach her right? That will teach her not to defy me and not to talk to ex-lovers behind my back. But when I look down at her ass and see her skin turning that delicate shade of pink, I change my mind. I need to have her.

I slide my fingers back into her pussy and slowly start circling her clit with my thumb. "You are soaking Ana." Sliding my fingers in and out her breathing quickens and her hands curl up into fists on my desk.

"Fuck!" She screams my name the moment she is hit by her orgasm. After another strangled cry her body goes limp against the desk.

Releasing her hair I start jerking myself off. I strain my eyes on the beautiful woman bend over my desk. Holding my hand on the middle of her back I press her against the desk and slam into her.

"Christian…" Her voice sounds different, so I bring my mouth to her ear. "Do you want me to stop Ana?" I whisper.

"No…" She says after a few seconds. _Good._

"If you need me to stop then say the word baby." She squirms when I lick her jaw. _Perfect._

"I love you Ana…" I whisper in her ear. "I hate it that he touched you…I hate that he touched what's mine…" I growl.

Ana moans softly as I move in and out. Watching my cock disappear into her is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She is biting her lip as I thrust into her.

I feel the tightening of my balls and I know I am not going to last very long. My hand finds her hair again and I pull her head back the moment I come inside her. "Fuck!" I roar and sag against her back biting that tender spot on her shoulder. "You are mine Anastasia…do you hear me! You are fucking mine!"

"Get off of me…"

Alarmed by the sound of her voice, I pull out and stumble backwards until my knees hit the chair. Ana slowly rises from the desk and turns around. The tears pooling in her eyes fill me with shame and disgust.

Silently she reaches for her panties lying on the floor and I almost drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness the moment I see her wince.

"I am sorry Ana…I am so fucking sorry."

She stares at me for the longest time, her face void of emotions. Without saying anything she turns around and walks out of my office.

* * *

From the moment Ana left my office twenty minutes ago I have been pacing the room restlessly. I tried calling Flynn, but his call went to voicemail. I didn't bother in leaving him a message.

Bile rises in my throat. _Fuck! What have I done? Have I pushed her away for good? Is she packing her things this very moment?_

I am about to go looking for her when a soft knock on the door stops me in my tracks. "Come in!" I bark.

I immediately regret my tone when I see that it is Ana. I want to wrap her in my arms and apologize over and over again for my despicable behavior. But the way she has her arms wrapped around her body, tells me that she doesn't want to be touched. Dressed in gray sweatpants and a pink hooded sweater she looks so young and vulnerable. I want to chastise her for walking around with wet hair. But I quickly bite my tongue when her eyes meet mine and see the hurt reflected in them. My knees start to buckle and I have to seek support of my desk as I wait for her to start speaking.

"I just called Kate and we are going to my apartment to get ready for your father's birthday party."

"You can get ready here, Ana." I hear the desperation in my own voice.

"I know, but I thought it would be fun to do it in my apartment. You know for old time's sake." She shrugs and looks past me.

"Ana, please talk to me."

When she turns her face to look at me I see the sadness and the hurt. She is fighting the tears and I know that I am the reason.

"Is it because of what the website published, because I already told you that Barney took care of that." _You know damn well that's not the reason, Grey!_

"No." She says shaking her head. "It is not that. I understand that being with you makes me a target for the media too."

"Then what is it?"

"It's you and how you've handled everything." She whispers. Her teary eyes keep looking at me and I have to look away. I somehow knew that this was coming, but hearing her say that I am the reason for her hurt is heartbreaking and unsettling. I know I handled the situation with her Instagram account completely wrong, but fuck, not one guy I know would like his girlfriend on the internet only wearing a bikini for the whole fucking world to see. _A very little bikini that is._

"Your reaction this morning to that picture was selfish and if I have to be honest it hurt more than what that reporter wrote about me." She continues the tears now freely falling from her eyes.

"I understand." I say lamely. She gives me a sad smile that tugs at my heartstrings.

"I don't think you do understand what I am saying Christian. I think that you want to go back to where we left off five years ago, and you will have to realize that's impossible. I am not that girl anymore and you are not that confused young man anymore.

We have been separated for five years Christian and in those five years we both have probably done things we are not proud of. However, as long as we are honest and trust each other, we will be able to get over it. But I don't think that you trust me."

"But I do! I do trust you Ana." I feel the panic welling up in my body and I can barely hear what she is saying. I see her mouth moving and see her tear-stained cheeks and knowing that I am the reason for those tears I can't make the panic go away. Because she wants to leave. She is tired of me. That's what she said? That is what she is building up to isn't it? It's only when I feel her clammy hand on my cheek that the panic slowly starts fading.

"I am not going to leave you." She says slowly enunciating each word. "I love you, but I have the feeling that I am losing myself."

"Losing yourself?" I croak.

She nods slowly. "It's everything Christian. Security, the clothes, the phone, making decisions about my business. You don't ask me to join you for business diners, you tell me." She swallows and looks at the desk. "I really feel like I am giving you all I have, but that it just isn't enough."Her hand leaves my face and again she wraps her arms around her waist. "And what just happened…well I've never felt more degraded and humiliated before in my life. I understand jealousy, I really do, because everywhere we go, woman practically throw themselves at you, they all want a piece of the extremely handsome Christian Grey. And since I know that you don't reciprocate that behavior towards these woman I am able to rationalize my jealousy. Because I know that you love me and I know that you would never betray me like that." She says slowly.

I nod. She is right; I would never, ever betray her.

"I am so confused." She sobs. "I am even mad at myself for letting it happen, for not stopping you…because it felt good and even though I knew you were punishing me…I didn't stop you."

"Ana I am sorry. Please don't cry."

"Let me get this off my chest, please Christian." Her voice is trembling.

"Your need for control has gotten worse over the years. You need to understand that I am my own person…I make my own decisions, whether it concerns the clothes I am wearing, the assignments I take on or whether I want to accompany you to a business diner or gala. You don't get to decide that…I do." She pushes her finger against her chest a few times emphasizing her words.

"I am not one of your employees or staff who you can order around because you feel like it or because you are having a bad day. I am your girlfriend and I need your respect. We are equals in this relationship Christian." She takes a deep breath and with her arms still wrapped around her waist she sits down on the couch, distancing herself from me.

"As for your jealousy and possessiveness issues." She stops to look at me. "You really need to work on that, Christian. Your constant need for reassurance of love and affection is suffocating and it makes me want to run…I don't know how many times I need to tell you that I love you and that you are it for me. Do you think I never feel jealous or insecure?" She continues. "Ever since you told me that woman paid you for sex…I have been trying to deal with that. Every time you get jealous and territorial, I want to throw that in your face, but I refrain, simply because I love you and trust you. I understand where your feelings stem from, Christian. I really do. The fact that your birthmother left you still makes you believe that no one likes you or that those who love you, will leave you. But I am not _her_."

"I know." I say swallowing back the lump that has been building in my throat. "I know you are not her Ana. You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Then treat me like the best thing Christian." She prompts. "You promised me that you would show me how much you loved me. Actions Christian, not hollow promises."

"I'm sorry Ana and I promise that…"

"No more promises." She says placing her finger against my lips. "What do you normally do when you feel out of control?"

"Kickboxing, running, playing the piano." I ramble.

"Call your trainer or Taylor or whoever you train or run with. Afterwards I want you to make an appointment with your psychiatrist."

"Flynn…his name is John Flynn."

"Very well, make an appointment with John Flynn." She takes a deep breath. "If you want me I can go with you…"

"I would love that." I lean down and place my forehead against hers. "Thank you for believing in me Ana."

"And now you have to start believing in yourself." She replies.

"Can I please hold you for a minute?" I ask completely unsure of where I am standing now with her. Because I am not only craving her touch, but maybe I can prevent her from going back to her apartment. She answers by entwining our fingers and leading me towards the couch.

"Forget it Grey." She says while she sits on my lap. "I am going back to my apartment to get ready with Kate." The firmness in her voice tells me she is serious. So I let it go and relish in the softness that's Ana.

With her head leaning against my shoulder and her arm wrapped around my neck, she fits perfectly in my lap. She is safe. She is here with me.

"Basically, what you said is that you think I am…bossy." Even though I can't see her face, I know she is smiling.

"Bossy would be too lenient…I would rather use the words domineering, interfering, controlling, forceful…"

"Okay, okay…I get it." I mutter against her hair.

" I don't want to change you Christian…but you can't expect to say 'jump' and that I'll ask 'how high' because that is never going to happen."

"I know Ana and I don't want you too. I like it when you talk back, challenge me."

"Good." She shifts on my lap and lift her head slightly to look at me. The intensity in those blue eyes is astounding.

"As for my work. I want to make it perfectly clear that I didn't reject Noah's assignment because you told me, but because it didn't fit in my schedule. If and when I ever get an assignment that requires me to travel overseas, I am willing to discuss this with you. When I got the Russia-assignment you weren't in my life, so since I already signed the contract I am going. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention it again. I already promised you to call you daily…"

"Multiple times a day." I add.

"Multiple times a day." She repeats. "And that if your schedule allows it, you can even visit me." _Oh but my schedule will allow it._

"I love my job. Before I got into photography I didn't pay attention to details. It was not until I started capturing photos and seeing the beauty on my screen, that I began to see details, colors and light in a whole new way. I have met amazing people because of my job. I can't tell you how many times that people have seen me with all of my equipment and asked what I was shooting.

These encounters would lead to a conversation. And I have met some really amazing people across the globe. Some of them even asked me to take their photo and invited me over to their home for lunch." _What the fuck?_

"I didn't accept the invitation Christian, I am not that stupid." She giggles. _Thank fuck for that._

"With my job I get a chance to travel the world and experience amazing things. Even though I can't even count the times I have traveled to Europe but I still pinch myself when I get there." She says passionately.

"And maybe, if GEH allows it and you like it, I would love nothing more than to share that with you. Explore the world, meet new people...to share with you what I see when I capture a photo."

"I would love nothing more than to travel with you and see the world through your eyes, Ana. And I would never do anything to stand in the way of your job. I just need you to be safe. Therefore I hired Sawyer, to keep you safe when I am not with you. Because I am willing to make concessions, I will do anything to make you happy, but I am not backing down on your security Ana." There is another thing I refuse to compromise on and that is buying her gifts. I have never met a woman who doesn't like to receive gifts.

"I already agreed to security Christian."

"I need you safe Ana; I need to protect what's mine." I kiss her temple, but she stiffens in my arms the moment I mention the word _mine_. _Well fuck._

"That is another thing we need to discuss." She says her voice determined and unyielding.

"I am not your possession. I am your girlfriend." She pauses briefly and continues. "I don't know how to explain how incredibly creepy it sometimes sounds when you growl 'you are mine' in my ear.

"You are right Ana." I say a little harsher then intended, but doesn't she understand? "I am a jealous fucker, I get fucking possessive…and why? Because what's mine is mine and I am terrified that someone might steal you away from me forever."

Slowly she moves until she is straddling me. Her eyes are understanding and soft. "No one is going to steal me away from you Christian. Simply because I won't allow it. I already told you in Vancouver that I love you and I choose you." Leaning her head to the side lightly she cradles my face in her small hands and gives me a shy smile. "And this is what I mean about not trusting me."

"But I do trust you, Ana." _Fucking Christ._

"Then why are you so afraid that someone might steal me away?" _Because you deserve a better man than me, but I am too selfish to let you go._ "Because you are beautiful, intelligent and a good person."

"Have I ever giving you any indication not to trust me?" She says urgently.

"Never."

"We can go on and on about this, but I somehow can't make you see what I mean. You are constantly living in fear because of your trust issues. I understand that certain life experiences can impact a person's ability to trust others, and that is why you need professional help Christian. I don't think I can help you with this. I just don't know what to do anymore."

When she sees the probably panicked expression on my face, she continues quickly. "But it doesn't mean I will leave you. Please give me some space…please." She leaves a trail of little kisses on my face and hugs me tightly. "I love you Christian." Reluctantly I let go of her, when she rises from my lap.

"Please Ana don't go." She is already standing by the door, holding the handle.

"I am not leaving you, Christian." She sobs. "I am going to my apartment to get ready for your father's birthday party." She wipes the tears from her face with her sleeve and smiles at me. God, even after the way I treated her she is trying to comfort me. "I…I need to get ready for when my handsome boyfriend comes to pick me up, because I have a date." She brings her trembling hand to her mouth and blows me a kiss. "I love you Christian…don't forget that."

There is nothing else for me to do than to let her go at this point. She has finally seen through all the bull shit. Ana never gave much for materialistic things. And that is all I am. I am a shell of a man, who sold his body to rich, bored woman to realize his life goal…GEH. Along the way I grew cold, detached, controlling and untrusting. She is right. She has given me everything. She has given me her trust, even after I broke it so irrevocably. She loves me unconditionally, even though I don't deserve it.

I am selfish enough to want her solely for myself. But I know that she deserves better than me.

" _I really feel like I am giving you all I have, but that it just isn't enough."_ The words she spoke with sincerity and hurt haunt my mind.

I can't imagine not having Ana in my life. These past five years without her have been absolute torture, but maybe that's what's best for her. Maybe I should just let her go…


	26. Chapter 26 - Don't let me down

**Chapter 26**

 **Christian – Don't let me down**

So far I have done everything Ana asked me to do. I made an appointment to meet with Flynn for today who I am meeting in one hour. After I made that appointment I changed into my running gear and went for an eight mile run…alone. Despite Taylor's persistence to join me, I brushed him off. I simply needed to be alone, with my fucked up thoughts and inner turmoil. At one point I found myself standing in front of Ana's apartment. Like a fucking idiot I stood there staring at her window. What was she doing, but most importantly; what was she thinking? Was she being sincere when she said she wasn't going to leave me? Does she really have so much faith in me? In us?

The pounding of my feet against the concrete doesn't help in gathering my thoughts, just the opposite; they keep getting worse with every fucking step I take.

" _I really feel like I am giving you all I have, but that it just isn't enough."_

" _You don't trust me."_

" _I am not leaving you."_

" _I love you."_

Ana is wrong, because what she gives me is enough. I have her love, her trust. She is beautiful inside and out. And I do trust her; I was being honest when I said that. I just don't trust the people around her. Obviously my domineering and jealous nature makes her want to run. I don't want her to feel that way. I want her to feel happy, safe, cherished and loved. I certainly don't want to make her feel suffocated because of me. And that is what seriously worries me.

I finally reach my destination, the 19th century building where Flynn has his office. Margaret's desk, who is Flynn's receptionist, is empty. At least I won't be subjected to her exaggerated eye-batting and flirting. I mean how old is that woman? Eighty?

Before my ass reaches the chair, the door of Flynn's office swings open and he gestures to get inside. Flynn greets me with a handshake and a short nod of his head and gathers his notebook before sitting down in his usual spot.

"I'm sorry I had to pull you away from your family." I say not meeting his eyes. Flynn chuckles and waves his hand in the air. "My mother in law is visiting." He winks.

"What can I do for you today, Christian? It sounded urgent."

"Ana left…" I can't look at him. I can't bear to see the pity on his face, so I stare at my hands folded on my lap.

"She left? Where to? You need to be more specific, Christian."

"We had a fight and she left, said she needed space. She was also pretty clear about the fact that she thinks I am a domineering, controlling son of a bitch who is constantly breathing down her neck, which makes her want to run. And so she did." I feel anger and insecurity taking over again and take a deep breath as not to let the fog in my head take over again.

"And how do you feel about that, Christian?" _Motherfucking son of a bitch. Is that all they taught him in 'shrink-school'_

"How do you think I feel, Flynn?" I can barely hold on to my temper. _Fucking Flynn._

"I don't know, you tell me." He replies smugly. "You were the one who called me for this appointment." He adds.

"I feel…abandoned, empty, and confused. Maybe I should just let her go Flynn. I obviously can't make her happy, so maybe she is better off without me." I can barely get the words out of my mouth because the idea of leaving Ana is horrific.

"Did she tell you that you didn't make her happy?" He writes something down in his notebook and sometimes I wonder what it is that he writes down or what he is thinking.

"Not in so many words, but when your girlfriend tells you that she can't bear to be in your presence…"

"Right…" He mutters. Slowly he takes his glasses off and places them on the side table.

"Tell me Christian, what caused this fight?"

I swallow as I remember today's events. The call I received from my PR department, the article they wrote about Ana, that fucking photo, Elena, Sebastian, the conversation with Carrick and then Noah fucking Storm's phone call to Ana. One thing lead to the other, causing a catastrophic turn of events.

In a monotone voice I tell him everything. From the moment I received that phone, until Anastasia walked away from me.

"So, she didn't really left…she merely needed some space and she even agreed on seeing you again in a few hours." He says readjusting his glasses. _Christ, he really is a nerd._

"Maybe I should just let her go John. Maybe she is better off without me…"

"So you are deciding for her again, even though she told you that she was perfectly capable of making her own decisions." He sighs and leans his elbows on his knees, inching closer to me. "From what I've heard, your Anastasia is a very smart woman, who clearly knows what she wants in life. You already made that decision for her five years ago and look how that turned out. Do you want that again, Christian?"

"I don't know what I want…what I do know is that I would die without her, John. It would kill me." I am lost in my own thoughts, my mind taking a path of its own.

"It really wouldn't kill you Christian." He deadpans now leaning back in his chair. "Ana is living proof of that. Hell, millions of people go through a relationship break and come out fine…maybe a little bruised, but in the end fine. You let her go five years ago. She made a decision to leave the country and leave everyone and everything behind that was dear to her. She fought and she survived and now she is a free-lance photographer who has traveled the world and has accomplished things some only could dream about. So that comment of yours that it would kill you is utter bullshit."

I nod. He is right of course, but then Ana has always been strong. "I have the feeling that I am standing at a crossroad John and that no matter which path I take…"

"There is always a few times in life when you stand at that crossroad. Stand there if you will, but if you don't choose wisely, she will move on without you and there will be no turning back. You already broke her trust five years ago and she was willing to forgive you, trust you again. Let me tell you Christian that is remarkably noble and selfless." _That crossroad is really a pain in the ass spot to end up in._

"Ask yourself these questions Christian; what if you miss your opportunity because you don't know your own worth? What if someone or something…" He moves with his hands upwards. "…is trying to give you something better? What if doing what you have never done before was the answer to everything that doesn't make sense? What if the answer can't be found in words, but in actions? What if you finally find the courage to do what you really want to do and by doing it changes your whole life?"

"Those are a lot of fucking questions John." I bark getting more confused with every minute that passes.

"I know and they aren't easy to answer. Think about it. What is it that you want out of life Christian? What is your end goal?"

"Anastasia. She is all I want. I want everything, I want to marry her, make a family, travel the world and see it through her eyes, share the passion she has for her job, meet her friends, I want to be part of everything that's Ana. I just want Ana."

He says nothing. He just looks at me with a small smile on his face. Flynn looks almost pleased or maybe its relief that I see on his face. Still, I've always known that I want Ana, I just don't know if I can truly make her happy.

"When we got together again I thought that we could jump back at where we left. I thought that everything would solve itself, but it couldn't be further from the truth, because every time we take one step forward, we end up three steps back."

"As long as you keep moving…there is always hope." Flynn says hands now folded in his lap, looking like the goody-two-shoes he is. _God, I should really punch him, shove him into a wooden crate and ship him off to Britain. That would teach him to be so fucking smug._

"I don't think I want to know what you are thinking right now." He chuckles. _You really don't, John._

For the first time since Ana left early this afternoon I smile.

"What about Ana telling me that I don't trust her? How do I make her see that I do?"

"Maybe it's better if we discussed this with Ana? Say the day after tomorrow?"

"We are leaving to New York, tomorrow after breakfast…" _And a rather unpleasant talk I need to have with my parents._

"We can make it a Skype-session." He is already looking at his schedule. "Monday at 11? Would that suit you?"

 **Anastasia**

Leaving Christian alone at Escala was harder than I initially thought. I almost asked Sawyer three times to turn around and take me back, but I know that if I'd cave it wouldn't have solved anything. The way he looked at me, his eyes filled with tears, is something I won't forget any time soon. When I called Kate I just felt so confused and hurt. I also needed breathing room and some time to get my thoughts in order. And I meant what I said to him, I have the feeling I am losing myself, that I don't even recognize myself anymore. I mean what the hell was I thinking when I didn't stop him when he was spanking me? It's not like he hasn't spanked me before, but that was all about pleasure, and now it was a punishment. _He fucking punished me._ And a punishment for what? For talking to Noah? For working? For going to Russia? For wearing lace panties instead of those boy shorts he likes? And I know deep down that Christian doesn't care what kind of panties I wear. This is all about his fear of losing control. Christian is basically still that little four year old boy who was left alone with his mother's body for four days. Christian is still that little, frightened boy, who still blames himself for not being able to save his mother. Did I do the right thing by 'leaving' him? Should I have stayed with him? The thing is that I don't know anymore, the only thing I know for sure is that I can't do this on my own without losing sight of myself. _We need help._

"About time Steele!" Kate greets me the moment I step into my apartment. "Shit Steele! What happened? Have you been crying? Was it Grey? Did he hurt you?" _And so it begins…the 'Kavanagh Inquisition'_

"I really don't want to talk about it Kate." I place my bag on one of the chairs and walk in a straight line to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water, ignoring Kate's penetrating stare.

"A little too early for wine don't you think Banana?" Her remark has me turning around on my heels in an instant.

"A little presumptuous of you to think I was going to drink wine, don't you think Kate?" I snap. _Even though the idea of pouring a glass of wine sounds freaking fantastic at this point._

"Geez sorry Ana." _She doesn't look sorry._

"Yeah well… I am sick and tired of people telling me what to do and what not to do. I suggest we just have a good time until the boys get here to pick us up. No questions, no interrogations and I certainly don't want to hear 'Ana do this' or 'Ana do that'

"Deal." Kate says albeit a little hurt. "You know you can always talk to me about it Ana." She kisses my cheek swiftly and turns around to grab the remote of my iPod. A few moments later music is filling the room.

"But first we need food!" She laughs. "God, I'm famished. I haven't eaten anything since breakfast this morning and since Elliot was suddenly in such a haste to get out of there, I didn't even finish my omelet."

She opens one of my cupboards and starts rummaging through it. "I can see your mother went grocery shopping." She turns around in her hand two cans of tuna and a bottle of mayonnaise.

"Are you really going to make a sandwich?" I hop on the barstool and watch with fascination as she starts laying all the ingredients on the counter.

"Ana, don't be stupid." She says rolling her eyes. " _You,_ my friend are going to make _us_ a delicious sandwich."

"What's the deal with the Black Widow?" Kate says pushing her empty plate away from her. "Oh and by the way, delicious sandwich Steele." She winks and takes a sip of her orange juice.

"Black widow?"

"Yeah, Elena. I have never seen Elliot react that strongly before. And is it true that she is finalizing the adoption on that boy?" My stomach starts doing summersaults and these are definitely not the good ones. The idea of Sebastian with that woman is exceptionally upsetting.

"Grace and Carrick are helping her."

"Why do I get the impression that you know more about this than you are saying?" _Because I do, but I can't say anything about it._

"I only know what Christian told me." I lie. Well it isn't an entire lie of course, because Christian did tell me, but he didn't get the information from Grace or Carrick.

"It's weird though don't you think? She disappeared a decade ago and no one knew exactly why." She stares in the distance her eyes narrowed into little slits. "And now her ex-husband dies and she is back…" She continues slowly as if she is trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together.

"It's strange though, I remember hearing Mr. Lincoln saying to my dad one day that his wife didn't want children. And now here she is adopting a fifteen year old boy."

"You knew Mr. Lincoln?"

"Yeah, he and my dad went to Yale together. He was nice though, Mr. Lincoln. When they came to visit us, he would always play with us or bring us candy, Elena however never gave us a second glance."

"What do you think of Sebastian?" She asks now, her reporter mind probably racing a mile a minute.

"I think he is a young, troubled boy, who would do better with two loving parents." _Instead of with a pedophile._

"Elliot knows him. Says he reminds him of Christian when he was younger. All the Grey's, except the great Christian Grey, help out every now and then in the home he lives." She snorts and rolls her eyes dramatically. "I mean we all know he is filthy rich, but it wouldn't hurt him to show his face once in awhile instead of sending a big check."

 _Do not strangle her. Do not hurt her. Do not throw her out of your apartment._

"Have you ever taken the time to ponder as why Christian doesn't go there personally Katherine?" I shove my plate away from me. I have suddenly lost my appetite. I have to refrain myself and look another way, as not to smack her on the head.

Her eyebrows disappear under her hair as she looks at me, a blush spreading over her pretty face.

"I always thought that he didn't want to be bothered." She says matter of fact.

"Well, you thought wrong Kate!" I snap. I turn around practically throwing the dirty plates into the dishwasher. Why does she keep doing this? Why does she keep painting Christian off as some kind of villain?

"Ana…I didn't mean to…"

"Yes you did Kate." I say turning around. "And I am disappointed that someone as intelligent and well educated as you doesn't stop to think things through. Do you have any idea how blessed we are in having loving and caring parents? Do you know how blessed we actually are that our mothers protected and nurtured us? Do you have any idea how blessed we were that we actually had food and clothes?" I stop when I hear my voice increasing with every word.

She just stands there…blinking.

"Well do you Kate?"

"I know that they are all adopted Ana, but they grew up with the Grey's. I mean they had everything they ever desired. Elliot doesn't remember anything about his birthparents and neither does Mia." She continues.

"Because Elliot was two years old Kate! And Mia was a baby. A tiny little baby. But Christian was four years old…he remembers everything, and I mean everything from his life before the Grey's. And I can assure you that those are not happy memories. So the next time you jump to conclusions as why he doesn't visit the home, try to consider that there is much more than 'not wanted to be bothered'…okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry Ana." She stares at her hands and when she looks up she gives me a weak smile. "I am really sorry. I know how much you love Christian. Now I am going to shower or we won't be ready for when the boys get here." A little unsure she walks around the counter and hugs me. I don't even bother in hugging her back.

* * *

One hour later, we have both showered and I can honestly say that it didn't help one bit with the irritation I am feeling towards Kate because of her shortsighted view of Christian. Neither can I seem to get rid of the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. _I shouldn't have left him._ I am positively sure that even though Christian fundamentally understands what I was trying to tell him that his insecurities and self-loathing came floating to the surface the moment I walked out of his apartment.

"God, I just love this song." Turning around Kate grabs the remote from the floor and turns up the volume and starts singing along with 'Stand by you' by Rachel Platten.

I giggle at her enthusiasm and just for a few seconds I forget about Christian and all the drama that went down today.

"Steele…stop wiggling your toes, you will get nail polish all over your feet!" It is only when Rachel starts singing about broken wings that my mind immediately drifts back to Christian. His eyes, I can't seem to get them out of my mind. He looked so broken…so lonely.

I reach for my phone and send him a text.

 _ **A: Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and that I love you. Can't wait until you come to pick me up. And my favorite song of the day: "Stand by You, by Rachel Platten."**_

"You're tickling me Kate." I whine.

"Ugh, you are such a drama queen. Now shut up because I want to listen to this song!" She pinches my big toe and continues with the singing. _Has everyone told her that she has an awful singing voice?_

My phone chimes with an incoming text and I hurriedly open the message.

 _ **C: I love you too and miss you more. Are you having fun? My song of the day:**_ _ **Don't**_ _ **Let Me Down- The Chainsmokers. X Christian.**_ I notice that he wrote song and not favorite song.

"Is that Grey stalking you?"

"Actually I was stalking him." I reply absentmindedly. In the meantime I am searching that particular song on my phone.

"Turn the volume down Kate."

"Ana."

"Now Kate. You can listen to it in a second." When I have finally found the song, I hit play and listen to the lyrics.

"Damn…" Kate mutters. "Did Christian ask you to listen to this song?"

"Listen Kate, I need to call him okay? I know I promised you a girl-thing…but…"

"He needs you…got it. Call him Steele."

"Watch out for your nails!" She calls after me when I disappear into the hallway. Whatever, I couldn't care less about my nails at this moment.

"Ana, something wrong?" I roll my eyes at his concern.

"No, nothing is wrong Christian. I…I just listened to the song."

"I spoke to Flynn." God, he sounds so sad. "I also made an appointment with him for the day after tomorrow. We will be in New York that is if you still want to come."

"Christian, of course I want to go to New York with you."

"Okay."

"I listened to the song." I say again.

"I shouldn't have named that particular song, but that is exactly how I am feeling right now. Ana, I know I fucked up…badly."

"I want you here with me." I blurt out. "What I am trying to say, is that I miss you and I wish you were here. Why don't you drive over now, you can bring your clothes and change here…I know Kate is not your favorite person…"

"Elliot is here. He was waiting for me after I returned from seeing Flynn. He is now drinking my beer and playing on my Xbox."

"Then you both come."

"Are you sure Ana…I don't want to suffocate you. I just want you happy, but I keep fucking up." I close my eyes. _He is trying so damn hard. He really is._

"I really want you to come."

"Be there in ten baby…I love you." Even though he sounds relieved, I still hear something else in his voice.

"Love you more…"

He chuckles. "Impossible…" I hear a door closing and Christian footsteps while he is running from the stairs. " _Elliot get your ugly ass from my couch, we are going to Ana's."_

"On my way baby."

"Okay, see you in a bit…"

There is a long silence where both of us don't say anything and even though I can't see him, I just know he is smiling and shaking his head.

"Hang up the phone Ana."

"No, you hang up the phone."

"Woman, just hang up the damn phone…"

"Really bro? What are you ten?" I hear Elliot say. "Hi Ana it's me the amazing Elliot…we are on our way…hanging the phone now…bye sweetie…love you…kiss kiss…" Before the line goes dead, I hear Christian cursing and telling Elliot to give the phone back.

I giggle and suddenly feel a hundred pounds lighter as I make my way back to Kate.

"Hmm, that silly smile on your face tells me that everything went well?" Kate says looking up from a magazine.

I nod and squealing I make my way to her and hug her. "Elliot and Christian are coming over."

"Good, then we need wine Steele." When I just look at her she shrugs. "Well it is five o'clock somewhere right?"

Kate is staring into her glass of wine and she looks distant. "Why are you looking so sad Kate?"

She shrugs still staring into her glass. "Kate, will you please look at me?"

"Do you trust me Ana?" I blink a few times, not expecting this question. Do I trust Kate? I do trust her.

"Of course I trust you Kate. Why are you even asking me this?" She sighs and lifts her head to look at me. "I consider you my best friend Ana and I tell you everything. And somehow, lately, I have this nagging feeling that you don't share everything with me. You keep ignoring and avoiding my questions and frankly it hurts. So if I am doing anything wrong, please tell me Banana…" She quickly brushes a tear from her cheek and goes back to staring into her glass.

Reaching over the kitchen counter I take her hand in mine. "Kate, I am sorry if I made you feel that way. It was never my intention…I…I guess you are right though and there are a lot of things I didn't tell you."

She nods her head. "I knew it." She whispers.

"Can I be frank with you Kate?"

"Of course." She says her brow furrowing in confusion.

"You are the best friend. You are loyal, fiercely protective, genuine, funny and smart as a whip."

"But…"

"But…sometimes your protectiveness knows no bounds. Advice and suggestions are one thing, but thinking you know what's best for me…is wrong. And instead of being helpful, you are being controlling." I grab her hand tighter when I feel her slipping away. "And that's why I don't always tell you everything. And I am sorry. I should have told you this sooner."

"I am a horrible, horrible friend." She whispers staring at the wall. "Oh my god…here I was thinking that I was helping you…"

"Kate, you are not a horrible friend. Please look at me Kate." Sniffing very un-lady-like she looks at me through her tears.

"You are not a horrible friend, maybe a little strongly opinionated, but who was the one who always found a way to make my birthday special even though I hate celebrating it? Who was the one who confiscated my phone when I tried to drunk-dial Christian after he left me? Who was the one who send me a care package with my favorite snack and a bottle of tequila when I was staying in England? Who was the one who accompanied me to the doctor's office even though she is terrified of clinics herself? Who is the one who is always honest with me in a dressing room and tells me that a floral button down makes me look ridiculous?"

"I guess that was me." She replies in a really tiny voice. "You really looked ridiculous in that button down, Ana."

I smile and kiss her forehead.

"I know, and that is why you are my best friend Kate. And you also need to stop judging Christian every time he does something you don't like. I want to be able to bitch about him without you running off to him and threatening to cut off his balls."

"I understand." She says.

"Do you know when I knew that you would be my best friend?" She asks.

"No…when?"

"The day you found out about my questionable obsession with elephant figurines and didn't run for the hills." She actually blushes and we both laugh.

"God, I remember staring at that wall…full of freaking elephants and I thought 'what the hell?' but then you quickly told me that elephants bring good luck, wisdom and stability and I immediately loved that quirky thing about you." She looked fully convinced and at the same time extremely vulnerable. Kate's obsession with elephants is a well kept secret. Just a few people know about that peculiarity and I believe she wants to keep it that way.

"Well, what can I say…I'm awesome like that." She flips her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder and smiles.

"You most certainly are Kit Kat"

 **Christian**

"I can't believe you actually let me drive your car!" Elliot looks happy as shit. I just nod and keep staring at the road.

"Hey you can smile again; we are on our way to see your girl." Elliot says in that goofy kind of way that is typically Elliot. Fuck, I wish I could be more like him. Relaxed, carefree…a jokester.

When I don't respond after several minutes I hear him sigh. Abruptly he takes an exit and parks the car in a deserted parking lot.

"Talk to me bro…you are freaking me the fuck out."

"Elliot just let it go."

"No man I won't let it go this time. First you ignored me and started playing that awful sad song on the piano over and over again. Damn if you ask me then I think that all those years that mom and dad paid for those piano lessons are a waste of money. I was under the impression that Ms. Katy taught you more than one song?" He chuckles but sighs when I keep staring out of the window.

Did something happen with Ana? Did you have a fight?"

What do I tell him? What do I say? Do I tell him that I am over controlling son of a bitch who is driving the woman he loves insane? Do I tell him that I fucking spanked her because of my jealousy? _Fuck no!_

"Can I ask you something Elliot?"

"Anything bro. You can ask me anything." He looks hopeful with his eyes wide.

"Do you trust Kate?"

"With my life." He says immediately. "Fuck Christian…you aren't telling me that you actually believe that article about Ana are you?"

"No, it's not that…how do you do it? How do you trust her Elliot?"

He seems to think about it for a while. "It's actually very simple; I love her. I love Kate and I know she loves me. I can let my guard down when I 'm with Katie." He inhales deeply again and his bright blue eyes bore into mine. "I believe Kate when she says I am it for her and she is willing to sacrifice her comfort for mine. That among other things tells me that I can trust her."

Then what is what I am doing wrong? I love Ana more than anything in this world. I know she loves me unconditionally and I am damn well sure that she is willing to sacrifice her comfort for mine. She has proved that many times.

"Listen Christian, I don't know what transpired between you and Ana, but one thing I know for sure is that Ana is trustworthy."

"I know. Fuck, I know Elliot. She is the best thing that ever happened to me but I think that I am ruining her, pushing her away with my need for control and my jealousy."

"What the fuck happened dude?"

"We had a… fall out. It was my fault…I didn't handle that situation with the picture this morning very well…and then Storm called and I honestly thought I was losing my mind Elliot. Add to that her fucking assignment to Russia" I growl in frustration and pull at my hair. _Fuck! I am not making any sense to my brother. And who can blame him? I don't even make sense to myself._

"Just…just let it go Elliot. I am a lost cause…and maybe Ana is better off without me."

"You're an idiot little brother." Elliot scowls and when he brushes his hands through his hair and I think he is doing that to avoid punching me right in my face.

"Since you and Ana are back together, she is smiling again. There is this light in her eyes that I haven't seen in the time you where apart. Admittedly, I didn't see her as much as I wanted, but every now and then she and Kate would Skype or she would send Kate a selfie from the destination she was having a photo shoot. Sure, most of the times she was smiling, but it never reached her eyes. She was missing that sparkle you know…" He keeps his eyes strained on me until I slowly nod my head. "And the same goes for you. You are smiling, laughing even…you look happy little brother, don't throw that away because you had a small setback." I want to argue with him that this isn't about a small setback, but I guess Elliot is on a roll.

"You have to realize that you can't get those five years you lost with each other back…you simply can't…but she gave you a second chance Christian that has to count for something! That means she trusts you and that she has faith in your relationship and where it's heading."

"She told me this afternoon that she had the feeling of losing herself. That she didn't know if she was doing the right thing. She said that she was giving so much, but that she didn't know if it was enough…" I can't look at my brother as I repeat her words. I wouldn't be able to stand the look of pity on his face.

"Well, you are a lot to take on man." He says hoarsely. "Fuck man, I sound like Dr. Phil." He chuckles dryly and when I finally manage to look at him his face is serious again.

"Everyone knows that you are extremely highhanded and that you always get your way. Well forget it, because that isn't going to happen with Ana. Ana is a free spirit…she is beautiful, loyal, passionate and don't get me started on her work man, because she is an amazing photographer. If you forbid Ana to work she will resent you in the end. It's all about compromising." He adds and falls silent.

"I mean from what Kate told me Ana agreed on having security." I nod.

"That is necessary Elliot, you know the threats I receive. There are some crazy mother fuckers out there who have a grudge against me and I don't want Ana to get hurt. She needs to be safe. Security is something I won't be compromising on."

"That is only fair." He says. "But she agreed on it right? She didn't put up a fight?" He cocks his head to the side and daringly looks at me.

"No, she agreed." I admit.

"And what about Russia. How many times have you told her not to go?"

"Every chance I get." I brush my sweaty hands over my pants and refuse to look at his smug face.

"That's what I thought."

"And how thermonuclear did you go when you saw the photo this morning?"

When I don't reply he grunts. "That's what I thought…" He says wryly. "You are so fucking transparent it's almost scary." He adds.

"I get it Christian, I really do. Seeing your woman plastered on a fucking website wearing only a bikini, would get my knickers in a twist too…"

"Not helping here Elliot!" I growl.

"Let me fucking finish, asshole." He punches my shoulder. "Try to look at it this way; she is your girl. Sure, she is beautiful, fuckers will ogle at her, but it is you who takes her to bed every nights and it is you who wakes up with her every fucking morning. And let's be honest here, I don't get her attraction to you, because you are one ugly motherfucker." I smile, relief washing over me, as I realize that Elliot is still Elliot and hasn't transformed in Dr. Phil overnight. "…But yet she chooses to be with you. So let them look all they want."

"How did you get so fucking smart about relationships?"

"Someone has to be." He snorts. "While you are being your idiot, sulking self, I immersed myself in a relationship book called _'relationships for dummies'_

He looks at me for a seconds and starts laughing throwing his head back.

"Nah just pulled that one out of my ass." He shakes his head, a grin on his face, probably the idea amusing him.

"Kate." He smirks. "And dad." I've always known that my brother and father always have been really close, but Elliot reaching out to my dad for relationship advice, is new to me.

"Dad? You went to dad?" Roughly brushing his big hand over his face he nods and looks at me sheepishly.

"Dad is not that bad Christian." Elliot says briskly. He turns his face away from me and stares out of the window. The seconds passing by slowly.

"He still regrets throwing you out. He tried calling you, but you ignored his phone calls. He even flew to Boston to talk to you."

"Elliot what's done is done."

"No, you need to hear this."

"You gave them so much grief when you reached your teens with the fighting and the drinking that he thought you were going to end dead. You were unapproachable man. So, when you got admitted to Harvard, he was over the fucking moon. I overheard him and mom talking one night, he was saying that ever since he first saw you in that hospital bed in Detroit he knew you were a fighter and that getting admitted to Harvard was your chance to show the world what you were capable off and that maybe you could let go of those feelings of disgrace and unworthiness. He wanted it for you Christian."

"I don't want to hear this Elliot."

"Yeah well though shit little brother. For once in your life…shut the fuck up and listen." He turns his face again and from the corner of my eye I can see his jaw ticking with annoyance.

"Dad admitted during one of our camping trips that he got scared when you called him telling him that you were dropping out of Harvard. And when we panic, Christian…" He says it slowly and turns his face to look at me. "When we panic, we make mistakes. Fear makes us do some crazy shit." He raises his eyebrow and lets the seconds pass. "Sounds familiar, Christian?"

"What I am trying to say, I that everyone deserves a second chance."

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the one he kicked out Elliot just to get his way." I inhale deeply and close my eyes. There is no point in yelling at my brother.

"I know. I am not saying that you should simply shake hands and forgive him. Dad knows he was wrong bro. Just give him the chance to make it up to you. Let go of that anger and bitterness." I roll my eyes in annoyance. Now he sounds just like Flynn. What was it that he told me during one session years ago when we were discussing the strained relationship with Carrick? _Christian, consider_ _how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being._

I actually laughed at that. Like really laugh. I waved him off, stood up and left. I wasn't ready for forgiveness and I sure wasn't ready to take that damn path he was prattling about. I am not even sure if I am able to forgive my father now.

"I'll think about it." I mutter. "Now drive, but I first want to make a stop."

"Where to bro?"

"Cartier."

* * *

 **A/N.: If you have the time, please listen to the songs. Pins are on my Pinterest board.**

 **Next update; Carrick's birthday!**

 **Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.**

 **XOX Alner**

 **Stand by you - Rachel Platten**

 **Don't** **Let Me Down- The Chainsmokers ft. Daya**


	27. Chapter 27 - The birthday party

**Chapter 27 – The birthday party**

 **Christian**

I don't know what the hell possessed me in thinking I could leave Ana, because the moment she opens her door, dressed in that fluffy white and pink polka dot bathrobe of hers, every doubt I had vanished. Her smile, her bright eyes filled with worry. They way her small, delicate hands brush against my shoulders and then end by my neck where she entwines her fingers in my hair. The way she buries her nose in my neck. Her presence soothes me. And I hope that I am able to let go of my controlling ways to soothe her just like she soothes me. I am never going to let Anastasia Rose Steele go. Ever again.

"We will be right back." Ana says to Elliot and Kate as we pass the living room. "Make yourself at home Elliot." We both laugh when we see Elliot's head buried inside of her refrigerator.

I take a minute to take in my surroundings the moment Ana closes the door of her bedroom. There are clothes and shoes lying everywhere…a little side table is filled with makeup and other shit while Gavin deGraw is softly crooning in the background.

When I meet her eyes, I immediately see the worry etched in them. "I shouldn't have left." She whispers.

"I understand why you did." I admit. "It helped with putting things in perspective. And I am glad you told me what was bothering you."

She bites her lip and stares down at her hands. Slowly I take them in mine and bring them to my mouth where is slowly start kissing her knuckles.

"You Anastasia are the best thing that ever happened to me. I want you to be happy when you're with me. I don't want you to feel suffocated. I don't want you to feel like you have to tip-toe around me, because you are afraid of how I might react. And I hope that when you get a new assignment, I am the one you tell first, and not because I want to control you or talk you out of it, but because I want to share that with you. I understand now how wrong it was in constantly bringing up Russia. I am still going to worry about you though."

She smiles and nods her head. "I know. Just like I'll worry about you." She whispers.

"I do trust you Ana. I know that because of my overbearing and jealousy issues it seems as if I don't trust you, but the truth is that I trust you with my life."

"I trust you too." Her eyes are sincere and warm when she looks up at me. "I hope you could start trusting yourself too." She says firmly.

 _I don't know how!_ I want to scream at her. And then like she can read my fucking mind, she leans her head closer and brushes her lips against mine and kisses me. "We'll figure it out okay?" Another kiss. "Together."

"Are we good know, Ana?"Her smile is so bright and so fucking beautiful that I assume that's a yes. "I love you, Christian."

"And I love you, Ana."

"I need to get ready or we will be late." She murmurs apologetically.

"I have something for you first." I reach inside my pocket and hand her the small box before she has any time to protest. Her eyes widen when she takes in the small box in my hand.

"I forgot to mention something." I chuckle and kiss her forehead. Taking her cold hand in mine I guide her towards her bed.

"What…what did you forget?" She says her eyes darting from the box to my eyes. _Why the ever living fuck is she so nervous?_

"The gifts. Get used to them. I am a billionaire, Ana and I love buying you gifts." Her reply is a shaky nod of her head. Pulling gently at her chin I force her to look at me. "Ana your lip baby, you are going to draw blood."

Her trembling hand slowly reaches for the box and it seems that she looks relieved when she sees the earrings.

"I love them. They are beautiful. I…I don't think I have ever had something so beautiful…and they match my dress." She says surprised and looks behind her where a green dress is hanging.

Her eyes are narrowed when she looks back at me. "You called Kate." She smiles. "That's why she was behaving so smug and didn't want to tell me who called her."

I give her what she calls my shy smile and she bursts out laughing.

"You are doing it on purpose aren't you?"

"I am doing what on purpose Ms. Steele?"

"You know damn well what Mr. Grey!" She pokes my chest playfully and giggles. "I quickly grab her hand and press her against my chest. She carefully places the box with the earrings on her bed and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Well when the woman you love tells you that she loves that particular smile…" I shrug.

"Hmm, hmm, I also recall saying that you were annoying and that you make me absolutely crazy."

"You did?" I say surprised. "I don't recall that part. I remember you telling me that you get butterflies in your belly every time you receive a text from me. I also remember that walking hand in hand with me makes you stupidly happy. However what stuck with me the most was that when we made love you felt…thoroughly fucked." I grin when I see her eyes widen and her mouth forming a perfect _O_.

She gasps and pushes me so that I am lying on the bed. "I did not say that Grey!" She laughs. "I would never use that word." She says feigning innocence. God, they way her eyes are shining is extraordinary and something I want to see every day for the rest of my life.

"Hey love birds! Wrap it up we need to get moving!" Elliot yells from the other side of the door.

"Did you have fun with Kate this afternoon?" Ana is looking through her drawers when she turns to look at me.

"Yeah, it was fun" She smiles at me and turns around again. Taking my buzzing phone from my pocket I glance at the incoming message. Mia Grey.

 **Mia: Where the hell are you guys? The first guests are starting to arrive!**

I quickly reply that we are on our way and put my phone on silent. When I look up again Ana has discarded her robe leaving her in extremely sexy blue lingerie. Would I have known that she was wearing _that_ under her bathrobe, there would have been less talking and lots of more fucking.

"Oh, I almost forgot." She says shimmying into her dress. _Fuck she looks amazing._ "I received an e-mail from Hyde publishing." Jack fucking Hyde.

"What did he want?"

"It was strange…" she turns around and points to the zipper on the back of her dress. Rising from the bed I make my way to her and start zipping up her dress, making sure to touch every inch of her exposed skin. Her head falls back against my arm when I start to kiss my way up from her shoulder to that spot behind her ear.

"What did he want Ana?"

"Like I said, it was such a strange e-mail. He said he urgently needed a photographer to shoot a book cover. The photographer he had hired somehow backed out on the last minute. The shoot is supposed to be in an abandoned warehouse in the outsides of Seattle…tomorrow."

I hold my breath when she walks away to grab a pair of silver colored shoes. When she looks up at me that _V_ appears between her eyebrows. "What's wrong Christian?" I bite the inside of my cheek as not to demand from her to decline this assignment. But the words she spoke earlier today still haunt me. However I can't let her do this. If she takes on this assignment, I will go with her and so will Taylor, Sawyer and the entire Seattle police department.

"What did you reply?"

"I declined it." She says softly. Relief. Sweet fucking relief surges through my veins. She leans down and starts fidgeting with the straps of her shoes. "Like I said, the e-mail just didn't make sense. There was no contract…not the names of the models or even if they had arranged for a crew." She shakes her head. "It didn't feel right. Besides I am leaving for New York tomorrow with my boyfriend."

I don't know if it is the relief I feel after hearing that she declined the assignment or the happiness radiating from her beautiful face but I smile back.

"You look exceptionally handsome, Christian." She adjusts my tie. "When I opened the door and saw you standing there with your usually fucked-up-hair and that stubble on your chin, my ovaries nearly exploded." She gives me a tiny smirk and kisses my lips. "Blue suites you by the way." She says giving me a sexy wink.

"Your ovaries exploded huh?" She giggles takes my hand and guides me towards the door. And wait…fucked up hair? _What the fuck?_

 **Anastasia**

"Have I told you how stunning you look?" Christian steers me towards his parent's backyard the moment we step out of the car and pushes me against the wall. He plants his hands on both sides of my face and slowly rubs his nose against mine.

"I like this too." His long index finger slides in between my breasts. "And since I happen to know what you are wearing underneath…" He whispers in my ear and the sound of his baritone voice goes straight to my stomach. "I can't wait to get out of here tomorrow morning after we talk with my parents." After a quick peck on my lips he straightens and grabs my hand. "Come let's go inside, it is freezing here and you aren't wearing a coat." A scowl appears on his face but it's gone as quickly as it came.

There are people from the event company just leaving as we round the corner to enter the Grey's kitchen.

" _I am not going to apologize to her, mother."_ Christian stops and brings his finger to his lips.

" _Mia, what you said this morning was totally unheard off. I want you to apologize to Elena."_

" _And I already told you mother that I am not going to apologize. I don't even know why you invited her to dad's party!" Mia says._

" _She has no one." Grace says, her voice calm and motherly._

" _And that is a surprise to you? I mean can't you see there is something wrong with her? She is…fake."_

" _Mia Grey, we always taught you never to judge people on their appearance." Mia snorts and I can almost see her throwing her hands in the air in total frustration._

" _I am not talking about the stuff she uses for her face, and let's be honest mom, she should ask for a refund…anyway, what I was saying; it is all about how she behaves and what she exudes…and what about her sudden desire to adopt a child? She never gave a rat's ass about us…"_

" _Mia Grey!"_

" _No mom, do not 'Mia' me…I will not apologize to her. Not today, not ever." There is silence and then the sound of a slamming door._

"I was hoping we could put off entering that tent, but I am so not entering that kitchen right now." Christian grumbles under his breath. I just nod totally getting where Christian is coming from. So I let him guide me towards the tent.

I am completely awestruck when we enter the enormous tent that they've set up. Tables are set with dark blue linen and beautiful centerpieces. The gold lights set the perfect ambiance. It is absolutely amazing.

"There you are freaking finally." We both turn around startled by the angry voice that belongs to Mia. Dressed in a soft pink dress, Mia has her hands on her hips and a huge scowl on her face.

Instead of apologizing Christian gives Mia his best smile, envelopes her in his arms and kisses her temple. "That smile doesn't work on me, Christian." She says still a little put off.

"Hey Mia." I say hugging her. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you Ana. I love your dress and the shoes." She says smiling. However this is not the bubbly Mia we all know and love. She is quiet and something has her upset.

"What's wrong Mia, because I won't buy for a minute that you are this upset because we are thirty minutes late. I mean you are the queen of tardiness." Christian says clearly annoyed.

"That's called fashionably late." She crosses her arms in front of her chest. "You guys are thirty minutes late and that is called sociallyunacceptable, big brother." She retorts with her eyebrows raised. Since it is clear that Christian's patience is wearing thin, she continues quickly albeit a little hurt, that he is completely ignoring her grouchy attitude.

"I'm worried about Sebastian." She whispers.

"Why?"

"This morning after you left…I asked him to help me get a box from my walk in closet that I couldn't reach." She looks around the tent and closes her eyes.

"Mia" Christian grumbles.

"When he reached for the box his sweater slipped up and he had this huge bruise on his back." Christian tenses beside me and immediately pulls me closer to his body.

"When I asked him how he got that bruise he said that he had gotten in a fight in school. But I don't believe him. I am positively sure that he was lying. Do you think that happened in that home? Do you think they are hitting him?" She takes a deep breath and continues. "Elena offered that Sebastian could help to build up the tent…so he stayed with us the rest of the day." She rolls her eyes annoyed and sighs. "We of course didn't let him help, I mean that is so stupid since we have the event company…So dad and I took him hiking, but he was so closed off."

"Let me talk to dad about this okay Mia?" Christian kisses her forehead and wipes a tear from her cheek.

"Where is Elliot by the way?" Mia starts looking around and sighs while rolling her eyes in a very dramatic way.

"Boathouse." Christian points with his thumb in the direction of the boathouse and shrugs.

"God, they both deserve each other." Mia says crunching up her nose. "They are both…sickening."

Her eyes keep scanning the tent until she focuses on something behind my back. "Ugh. Talking about sickening. There comes Maleficent or should I call her Cruella de Vil?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Mia?"

"You should really get your ass out of the office more often, Christian. Maleficent made a kingdom suffer for sixteen freaking years, because she wasn't invited to a baby shower. And Cruella, well she wanted to kill adorable puppies to make a coat."

"She is talking about Elena." I say to a still confused looking Christian. _Jesus, sometimes he is just really slow._

Understanding dawns on his face and then he chuckles. "Cruella…definitely Cruella." He says matter of fact.

"Where is Sebastian now?"

"He is upstairs changing. He went for a run but he got lost. He will probably join us any minute now."

"Christian? Christian Grey? Your mother mentioned the other day that you would be here."

"Oh fuck. Run Ana Run." Mia whispers.

"Come on." Mia says hooking her arm with mine. "Let's have some champagne." She looks at Christian who is approached by a man and quickly steers me away. "He will be occupied for a while."

I haven't really decided yet, whether I would rather stand with Christian, who is still talking to that old looking man, who is constantly invading Christian's personal space or listening to Mia's friend's mindless talk. Two of her friends, whose names I have forgotten, are actually pretty nice, but it is Lilly who has me flabbergasted. Her face is in a perpetual state of sourness, like she is chewing on a piece of lemon. Then her eyes are constantly wandering over my clothes, to the point I actually start feeling uncomfortable.

"Who are you wearing?" She sneers. It takes me a while to figure out it is me she is talking to. And what the hell does she mean by that? A malicious smirk creeps over her face completely enjoying my uncertainty and discomfort.

"It's Prada." Kate says from behind me. _About freaking time they returned from the boathouse._ "Hi ladies, bye ladies." Elliot gives them a playful wink and disappears into the crowd. _Clever._

"As are her shoes and the bag." Kate continues proudly. "Oh and the emerald and diamond earrings…Cartier. Her boyfriend Christian Grey gave them to her and then they had hot sex against the wall." She winks at her and drags me away.

"Kate! We didn't have hot sex against the wall." I laugh as Kate steers me away from Mia's friends.

She smirks. "No, but you wanted too. Besides she really needs to accept that Elliot and Christian are both off limits. She is a pathetic, jealous bitch and she is begging to have her ass kicked." She looks down at my purse and frowns. "Your purse is buzzing, Steele."

Incoming call: Annette Quinn. Kate's eyes dart from the phone to mine. "Is that _the_ Annette Quinn?" She hisses.

"I need to take this, Kate. I'll explain later." I mumble my apologies and make my way out of the tent.

"Annette, its Ana." As fast as these heels allow me I make my way up the stairs until I have reached Christian's old bedroom. Slipping inside I close the door behind me.

"You are pretty difficult to get hold off Ana." She snaps. "I'm sorry." She continues, but I just found out something about the hag and…"

"And?" I probe.

"It's not good Ana. The first thing I stumbled upon was tax evasion, which honestly didn't shock me. Then we found out that she is quite fond of visiting hardcore BDSM clubs where she engages in all kinds of inhuman and violent play. And the BDSM part doesn't bother or shocks me too much either since it is all consensual…I mean whatever rocks her fucking boat… However, the most shocking thing I've discovered a few hours ago is that she is involved with a criminal organization who engages in child trafficking and slavery."

I let myself glide on the floor and lean my back against the wall. This is worse than we ever thought.

"Listen I know I promised you to publically embarrass her, but there is no way I can publish this. First, I know that my editor will never consent to this and secondly I have been digging too much, too deep. I am packing my bags as we speak because I have to leave Seattle for a few days." _Oh my god._

"Ana, she even worked as a Madame of sorts for a modeling agency in New York called 'Servus'

My contact discovered that she lured the guys with a false promise of a flashy modeling career. They made a follow-up appointment where they supposedly had to meet with a recruiter. During this conversation, the guys were proposed to work as an escort. I talked to two former models and they said that the reason what drove them to do that work was the promise of a huge wage for their services. The truth is that they only received a fraction of what she promised them." I hear her explaining this further, but I can't even listen anymore. This is what that bitch did to Christian.

"Four years ago when the modeling agency was subjected to an extensive investigation by the Department of Labor, she pulled out. It is then when she probably got involved with the child trafficking." I hear some rustling on the background. "That bitch is sick Ana. I mean the model agency was called 'Servus' which is a Latin greeting. It literally means servant or slave and means as much as 'at your service'.

"Annette…"

"Ana, we are talking Russian mafia organization. They forge documents, falsify travel visas and documents and there is always the protection money to the officials to ensure a lack of investigation." _Jesus_ _Christ_ _._

"You need to go to the police."

"I know and I will. A friend of mine, Andrew Field, is a detective at the Seattle Police Department. I gave him a call and told him I was sending him all the evidence I found on that cunt.

Do you know that the bitch even recruited fourteen year old boys? Look Ana I have to go." She says rushed. "Keep this under wraps and let the police do their jobs."

"Annette thank you and be careful." I hear a rushed 'goodbye' and the line goes dead.

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Elena is involved in child trafficking. Is that what she intends on doing with Sebastian? Scrambling to my feet I wipe the tears from my face. I need to find Christian. We need to tell his parents. Not tomorrow, but now. Every second Sebastian stays in her care, he is in danger.

The moment I reach for the door I hear a noise coming from the adjoining bathroom. _Crap._

I was so wrapped up in what Annette was telling me that I didn't even notice the glimmer of light shining under the bathroom door. "Who is there?" I call.

Slowly the door opens and I hold my breath. Who the hell would hide himself in the bathroom?

"Sebastian?" Awkwardly he stands in the doorway with only a dark blue towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes widen as he sees me standing in the room and a blush creeps over his face. Immediately his head snaps down and stares at his feet. She really molded him into the perfect submissive.

"I'm sorry…" He stammers. "Mia said it was okay to take a shower…"

"Sebastian will you please look at me?" His head snaps up and his eyes, his eyes are distant and empty. "Oh my god." I gasp. "Who did that to you? Oh my god Sebastian…who hurt you?" Alarmed by the tone of my voice he takes a step back, his hand clutching the towel at his waist. I can only stare at the bruises on his chest and stomach. _He is just a child._

"It's nothing…" He stammers. "I fell…I…I should get dressed."

"Please let me ask Grace to look at your chest…" I plead.

"No…no…it doesn't hurt anymore…I went to the school infirmary and they told me to take it easy…it doesn't hurt. I promise." He rambles.

"I promise not to tell Grace, but please let me help you Sebastian. I won't hurt you." I try to swallow the tears that are building in my throat as not to upset him. He looks terrified. _She did this to him. That fucking bitch troll did this._

"I promise you won't get into trouble…" I whisper. "There has to be some cream I can apply, to help with the bruises." Searching the shelves in the bathroom I finally find a tube of Arnica cream. I don't think I have left the room for longer than one minute, but the moment I step inside again Sebastian is shivering.

"Oh god, you must be freezing." Turning around on my heels in open a drawer until I find one of Christian's old sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"I am going to step outside for a minute and give you some privacy. Put these on Sebastian." I hand him the sweatpants and step outside of the room.

From the hallway on the second floor I can hear the laughter and chatter of the guests outside in the tent. I need help, those bruises look awful and Grace really should look at them, but I need him to trust me. I can feel my entire body shaking with concern and anger.

Glancing down at my watch I see that a few minutes have passed. Surely he will be dressed by now?

"Sebastian can I come in?" I ask after a soft knock on the door. I hear a small 'yes' from the other side and make my way in. The sight of this young boy sitting on the edge of Christian's bed is heartbreaking. He looks lost and frightened and incredibly vulnerable.

"Okay I am going to sit beside you and then I am going to put this ointment on you." I force my voice to sound calm instead of panicked like how I feel inside. "It will probably feel a little cold at first." A gasp escapes my mouth when I actually see his back. His back is even worse than his chest and stomach. Welts and bruises are covering his entire back.

There are even marks on his back where the skin is broken ... the ugly wounds gape at me and it makes me sick. He has to be in agonizing pain, yet he is sitting here as if this is normal.

"Why are you crying?" He says without looking at me.

"Because I am mad at the person who did this to you Sebastian. This person needs to be..." I want to say punished but I don't think this would be the right choice of words right now. My mind is going thousand miles an hour, thinking of a way to persuade him to let me get help.

"Do you trust me, Sebastian?" He flinches when I place my hand on his shoulder. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

It is barely there, but then I see him nodding his head. "My grandma always used to say that a good, compassionate and sincere person has kind eyes." I smile through my tears at the sweet words he just gave me.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"You're welcome." He says automatically.

And just when I am about to tell him that I am going to get Christian the door swings open. "Ana, where the fuck are you babe, my grandfather just arrived and he…" The words die on his mouth when he sees me sitting next to Sebastian on his bed.

"Ana?"

 **Christian**

Dr. Martin, a doctor from the hospital my mom works with is a boring motherfucker.

"There are three general types of breast implant devices…" I suppress a sigh and let my eyes wander around the tent. I hold back the urge to yell in his face that I don't give a shit about breast implants…talk to me about communication technology or sustainable energy and maybe I would be willing to listen…but breast implants? Fuck, I only have interest in one pair of tits and those belong to Ana. _Where is she?_ I look over to where Mia is standing with her friends, but she isn't there either. _Can't really blame her._

"Did you know that breast implants have been used to surgically enlarge the size of woman's breasts since the late nineteenth century and… " _Christ, just shut the fuck up_. Looking over Dr. Martin's shoulder I make eye contact with my brother. He grins and mouths the word 'boobies' over and over again while wiggling his eyebrows. I smother the urge to flip him off. But then I see him standing from his chair placing his bottle of beer on one of the tables he passes, and saunters in a typical Elliot-fashion over to where I am standing.

"Dr. Martin, very nice to see you again." Elliot says shaking the boring fucker's hand. Before the good doctor has a chance to reply Elliot is facing me, his face a picture of importance. _Damn, he is good._

"Excuse the interruption. Christian, there is a small situation where your presence is required. It's urgent."

"Don't want to keep them waiting. Dr. Martin." I give him a little nod and scurry away, my brother on my heels.

"So what did the cleavage coordinator want?" Elliot says the moment we are out of ear-shot. _What? Cleavage coordinator?_ Elliot shrugs. "If you don't like that word, we could call him titty tweeker…" This has me laughing out loud and damn if it doesn't feel good.

"Christian, good to see you laughing like this." I feel a hand on my shoulder and I am met with my grandfather's smiling eyes.

"Pops." I shake my head still laughing. _Titty tweeker_. Only my brother would come up with a word like that. "It's really not worth repeating Pops. That was just Elliot being Elliot."

Smiling my grandfather looks between me and my brother. "Where is your girl, Christian?"

"She is upstairs." Elliot pipes up. "Kate mentioned something about a phone call."

Immediately the lightheartedness is replaced by that crushing feeling in my chest and stomach. _Jealousy._ Pure, raw fucking jealousy. Momentarily I am tempted to ask Welch to monitor her incoming calls, but immediately squash that idea down. That would not go down well with my girl.

"How long has she been upstairs?" I murmur my eyes fixed on the entrance. _Why the fuck didn't I pay more attention?_

"How the fuck should I know? Fuck man she is taking a call…" I don't hear the rest of what my brother is saying because my feet are already moving towards the stairs. Fuck, what if she tripped and fell? She was wearing exceptionally high heels, something she isn't accustomed to and Ana is one of the most uncoordinated women I know. I always found it entertaining and sweet but fuck I can't even count the times I saw her trip or fall. My girl is remarkably gifted in tripping over…well, nothing.

"Ana, where the fuck are you babe, my grandfather just arrived and he…" _What the ever living fuck?_

"Ana?"

It takes me two seconds to assess the situation in front of me and I immediately know that it's not good. Sebastian is sitting on the edge of my old bed wearing sweatpants. His chest is uncovered and he is holding a shirt in his hands. He looks shell-shocked and terrified when he sees me. Ana is crying silently, her eyes pleading with me not to go completely thermonuclear. Taking a deep breath I step into the room and close the door behind me. The soft click, normally a trivial and ordinary sound seems a hundred times louder now.

"What's wrong?" Fuck, my voice sounds strange to my own ears.

"Sebastian was just going to explain who did this to him." My eyes flicker to Ana's hand where she is pointing at his back. In the other hand she is holding a tube of Arnica cream.

Quickly putting his shirt back on, Sebastian climbs on his feet. "It…it is nothing Mr. Grey…Christian I mean...I…I am very clumsy…" he swallows and doesn't look at me. "I fell…from the stairs…it doesn't hurt." Fuck I can barely look at him. He is panicking…his eyes are tearing up and I can see him visibly shaking.

"Sebastian, please sit down. We know that you didn't get into a fight or fell from the stairs. We know who did this to you."

"No! No! No one can know!" I look at Ana who is now looking wide-eyed at Sebastian.

"Sebastian." She whispers and takes his hand in hers. "Sebastian…she won't hurt you anymore. Please calm down. Please…"

"You don't understand!" He screams and tugs his hand free from Ana's. "You don't understand!" His hands fly to his hair and he starts looking around him wildly. His breathing is erratic and it breaks my heart to see tears falling on his cheeks. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know that he can trust us. He is a kid that fell in the hands of that manipulating piece of filth. She has methodically filled his head with nonsense and lies and he believes her. His gullibility and naivety but most importantly his vulnerability made him the perfect victim.

"This is not your fault Sebastian, if that's what you're thinking." I say as calmly as possible.

"But it is…it is…" He cries.

"I know what she did Sebastian. I know because…" I take a deep fucking breath. "...she once did it to me too. I was your age. Elena Lincoln hurt me too."

Slowly he lifts his head and stares at me for the longest time.

"When she started she said that it would be your special, little secret, and secrets are cool aren't they Sebastian? She made you believe that you were special." Almost unnoticeable he nods. "Then when you figured out that it was…wrong and you told her you didn't want to do …it anymore she laughed and told you that no one would believe you…she told you that no one wanted you to begin with…that you are unlovable…"

A whimper escapes his lips and when his knees give in, he kneels on the floor, burying his face in his hands.

I kneel beside him, making sure not to touch him and lean with my back against my bed. Ana is looking down at Sebastian, her hand covering her mouth, while the tears rapidly keep falling from her eyes.

"Will you please get my parents Ana?"

When Ana leaves the room and Sebastian and I are alone I close my eyes bracing myself for what is to come.

"Everything she told you was a lie and I promise you, Sebastian, she will never hurt another boy again."

 **Anastasia**

As fast as I can I run down the stairs towards the tent. On the way I bump into several people, their faces a complete blur because of the tears. I mumble my apologies but don't stop, my eyes diligently searching for Carrick and Grace.

"Ana! We have been looking for you. Jesus, Ana what happened?" Elliot. His face goes from happy to concerned in less than a second. His eyes searching my face for answers.

"I need your parents…upstairs. Where are your parents Elliot?"

I follow the direction his face is turning and I see Grace and Carrick talking to Elena fucking Lincoln. _Great._

As soon as they spot us, their faces go from relatively happy, to concerned. "Elliot, will you do me a huge favor. Please keep Elena away from us okay?"

"What the fuck is going on Ana?"

"Just promise me. I need to get Carrick and Grace upstairs. Just keep Elena here."

"Okay…I promise…fuck you owe me big Ana…I hate that bitch."

"Ana, sweetheart what's wrong?" Grace eyes dart from me to Elliot her confusion growing stronger every damn second.

"Christian…it's Christian…he…he fell and he asked if you could come upstairs…in his room, he is in his old bedroom…" I stammer. Elena who followed them is looking suspiciously at me.

I see Carrick and Grace walking away until Carrick turns around. "Ana are you coming."

"In a minute." I say. "I need to talk to Taylor real quick."

"Ms. Steele." I jump up at the voice of Taylor's voice. Sawyer is standing right beside him, face serious, hands behinds his back.

"Damn, you scared me." Shaking my head I try to remember what Annette told me. "I need to talk to you and Sawyer…alone." Elena is still lingering close to where I am standing until I hear Elliot. "Elena, have you tasted my dad's famous lemon martini?" _Bless him._

From the corner of my eye I see him getting hold of her elbow and steering her away in the direction of the bar.

"Ms. Steele, is Mr. Grey doing all right?" We are standing in the empty hallway and everything seems like a horrible dream.

"He is fine…" Well actually he is far from being fine, I think.

"I received a phone call from Annette Quinn, she is…"

"I know who she is Ms. Steele."

"Right, anyway I just received a phone call about thirty minutes ago. She has found some very disturbing facts about Elena Lincoln." Taylor's body grows tense and I see his jaw clenching.

"Elena Lincoln can't leave this house under any circumstances. There is a detective at the Seattle Police Department who has received evidence regarding Elena Lincoln's involvement with a criminal organization." I rush to say. "Will you do me a favor and call him and tell him that Elena is here and that she can be arrested."

"Ms. Steele, are you sure?"

"Positive Taylor. The detectives name is Andrew Field."

* * *

 _ **Quote: A good, compassionate and sincere person has kind eyes – Marcus Aurelius**_


	28. Chapter 28 - Devastation

**Chapter 28 – Devastation**

 **Christian**

The moment Ana closed the door Sebastian shifts to his side and rolls up into a ball. He doesn't even move when he hears the door opening again, this time it's my parents. They look confused when they see us both sitting on the floor. God, who would've thought fifteen minutes ago that the evening would end like this. Not me. I was supposed to mingle among the guests, maybe even dance with my beautiful girlfriend and then take her back to my old bedroom and make sweet love to her. Hoping she would forget about the day and what I had put her through. Instead, I am sitting on the floor, where I have just confessed to a fifteen year old boy, that I was too a victim of Elena Lincoln, pedophile and master manipulator.

"Christian, Ana said you fell…that you were hurt." My mother says timidly her eyes never leaving Sebastian.

"Sebastian, son…are you all right?" My dad asks while he places my mother's medical bag on the floor.

"Where is Ana?" I ask rising to my feet. I need Ana here with me. I simply can't do this without her.

"She is downstairs, says she needed to talk to Taylor." My dad says and sits down on his haunches and touches Sebastian's shoulder.

"Don't touch me…" He growls. As if on fire my father scrambles back on his feet. "Christian, I would like to know what the hell is wrong here." He looks at Sebastian and back at me. "Why is Sebastian on the floor and why did Ana tell us that you were hurt?"

"It's a long story dad…" I sigh. "A long fucking story and you are not going to like it."

"Well I'd suggest starting at the beginning, because we have 120 guests waiting downstairs, and to be honest my patience is wearing thin right now." He snaps. He is not mad though, I can see. He is scared. _He has every right to be scared._ And those 120 guests downstairs will be the last of his worries, when he finds out that among them is a pedophile.

I breathe a sigh of relief the moment Ana enters the room a few minutes later. Ignoring my parents she kneels down to where Sebastian is sitting and softly starts talking to him.

"Sebastian…I know you're scared, but you need to tell us what happened. She can't hurt you anymore I promise…there are two strong security officers downstairs who are keeping an eye on her until the police arrive so that they can take her away."

Sebastian doesn't answer, instead he starts rocking himself, humming something.

"Ana, maybe you can tell us what the hell is going on here? And who the fuck is _she_?" My dad asks, his voice strained.

Ana shakes her head and looks down at Sebastian. He has stopped humming. "Grace, you need to check his back and chest. He has…wounds and they need to be tended to. I even think he needs a hospital."

My mom nods her head ones and reaches for her medical bag.

"Sebastian…please don't be mad." Ana says softly touching his head. "I promise that we are going to take care of you, but you have to let Grace look at your back okay? Nobody is going to get angry at you."

"Sebastian will you let me look at your back? I promise I will try not to hurt you." My mother says in that soft and caring voice that I've heard so many times over the years.

Surprisingly Sebastian doesn't yell this time and after a few seconds I see him slowly sitting up. His face is facing the bed; his back is to my parents. He reaches with his hand behind his back and pulls the white t-shirt over his head.

"Oh my god." My mother gasps and immediately is standing next to Sebastian. "Oh sweet, sweet boy who did this to you? Who hurt you?"

Like I already expected, Sebastian doesn't talk. My mom carefully asks him to sit on the bed and he obeys immediately. With the utmost care, love and attention, Grace slowly starts treating Sebastian's back, while she softly explains what she is doing. The welts and bruises are horrible. I can't even begin to imagine what he is feeling and thinking right now while he silently stares at the dark and gray Seattle sky. I vow to myself, that no matter what, Sebastian McGregor is not ending back in the system.

 **Anastasia**

While Grace is tending Sebastian's back, the room is filled in a suffocating silence. I know that Carrick wants answers and rightfully so.

"Christian, Annette Quinn called me about forty five minutes ago and I think I should inform you about a few…developments." I slip my hand into his and squeeze softly.

Christian brushes his hand over his face. He suddenly looks worn out and terrified.

"Is it bad?" He whispers. Although the expression on his face tells me that he knows it is bad. _It is very, very bad._

"Dad, I think it is best if you would join us." Christian says detached.

"Grace will you be all right?" Carrick jumps up from his chair, probably happy to finally getting some answers.

"I will." She says softly. "Will you send Mia or Kate up here with me?"

"Meet me in my office in five minutes." Carrick says gruffly his eyes on Christian. "And you both aren't leaving my office until I finally get some answers."

"Yes sir." Christian mutters petulantly. Entwining our hands we both walk down the stairs towards Carrick's study. We are both dragging our feet, dreading this inevitable confrontation with Carrick.

"What did Annette have to say, Ana?" Christian guides me towards a silent corner in the hallway.

"Christian, it is so much worse then we initially thought." Burying my face in his chest I explain everything Annette told me. I feel Christian trembling while he is muttering under his breath.

"We need to call the police, Ana."

"I informed Taylor. He and Sawyer are keeping an eye on her, so that she doesn't leave. I also asked him to call the police."

"I am going to ask Taylor to have someone follow Annette." He takes out his phone and types something. "If she was in such a rush to leave Seattle…" He stops talking and focuses on someone behind me, when we hear someone approaching.

"There you are. Where have you all disappeared to?" It is Christian's grandfather. He looks and he moves as if he were much younger, but I know that he passed eighty some time ago. However, there is an underlying sadness in his eyes that wasn't there when I last saw him. _Where is Christian's grandmother?_

Before we have the chance to say something I am engulfed in a warm embrace. "Ana, it is so good to see you again." Warmly he looks down at me and winks at Christian. "Now I know why Christian had those fancy knickers of him in a twist to get you back. You are even more beautiful than the last time I saw you."

"Thank you Mr. Trevelyan." I look around. "May I ask where your wife is? I would like to…"

I swallow my words when I see the sadness in his eyes. "Ana, my wife unfortunately passed away four years ago."

"Mr. Trevelyan I am so sorry…I didn't know…"

"It's fine Ana. She is in a much better place now, even though I miss her every single minute of every single day. Oh, and cut the Mr. Trevelyan shit…makes me feel old." He winks at me at turns to look at Christian.

"What's the matter son?"

"I think it would be best if you'd join us in Carrick's study." Christian says in a monotone voice. He is avoiding looking at his grandfather.

Christian's grandfather looks confused from Christian and then back at me. "Care to explain why Carrick summoned you to his study?"

"Ana, I don't know if I can do this." Christian says and pulls me against him. "They are going to hate me…my mother is going to be heartbroken…" He is rambling and his hold of me is getting tighter by the second.

I explain to Christian's grandfather what I found out in the past hour. I tell him about Annette's disturbing phone call. I tell him about Sebastian and that Taylor just called the police to inform them about Elena's whereabouts. I also inform him about the fact that Elena was trying to blackmail Christian into investing in that business of hers.

"She claims to have pictures of Christian from his time in…Boston…" I whisper.

"Let me take care of that." He says grimly.

* * *

"Here you are son; you are going to need it." Christian's grandfather pours us all something to drink. I think it is bourbon or whiskey. I gingerly smell my glass and crinkle my nose. _Not drinking this._

"I think I am going to need the entire fucking bottle." Christian says and slams his drink back.

"This conversation was long overdue, son. It will be fine. Sure, your father always has the tendency to overreact, but I guess that runs in the family?" He says looking at Christian.

The door suddenly swings open making it bounce against the wall. In the doorway standing a very furious looking Carrick.

"Talk!" He barks. "Both of you!"

Christian's empty glass is dangling between his fingers while he stares at a spot on the floor. His face is void of emotions.

"Christian son, I am not going to ask you again. What the fuck was going on upstairs?"

The only sound in the room is the steady ticking of the antique clock on Carrick's desk and the muffled sound of the music band playing in the tent. I don't know how long we sit there in that suffocating silence, but as the seconds pass it is suddenly the sound of my voice that fills the room.

"Carrick, Elena Lincoln is involved in a criminal organization that engages in the trafficking of children." I blurt out. Carrick's mouth opens and closes, his face is now the color of a white sheet.

"What was that?" He hisses.

"Carrick, calm down and let them explain. It was about damn time that woman got what she deserved." Mr. Trevelyan says calmly. He hands Carrick a tumbler of scotch and points to the chair.

"Talk." Carrick barks at Christian after having drank the entire glass of scotch.

"Elena came to my office a week ago asking me to invest in her business…" Christian starts staring at the floor. I can hear the tremor in his voice and I think he is trying to calm himself by repeatedly brushing his hands over his pants.

"I don't want to know why Elena Lincoln showed up at your office, Christian. I want to know why there is a boy upstairs, clearly upset and with bruises and welts covering his body" Carrick yells.

Christian's hands still and then he slowly lifts his face to look at his father. "Because Elena fucking Lincoln did that to him!" Christian yells back. "Elena gets off my raping underage boys in her dungeon! Grooming them until they become the perfect submissive! She beats them with canes, whips and belts until they've become nothing but a shell of themselves."

"How the fuck do you know this? This is a very serious accusation Christian!" Carrick bellows. He slowly rises from his chair, places both hands on the table and leans down to look at Christian.

"We haven't raised you to be like this. She is a friend of the family…" Carrick is growling right now.

"Because she did it to me too!" Christian stands too, mimicking his father's stance, their faces merely inches apart. "That summer that mom and you send me to her house to help her with that fucking garden of hers…she. fucking. raped. me.!" He growls. "That's how I know…father."

"No!" We all turn to the guttural sound coming from the doorway. The sound is a mix of pain and anger. Grace face is stricken with horror and hurt. A mixture of emotions passes through her face. "No! Not my son!"

"Did…did she hurt you, Christian?" I can barely look at Grace. The tears are just falling from her eyes onto her expensive dark blue dress.

"Mom…" Christian's voice sounds pleading as he takes a step towards his mother.

"Where is she? Where is that bitch?"

Before we know it we are all following Grace who is running out of Carrick's study. And I will never forget what happens next for the rest of my life.

"You!" Grace points her finger to Elena who is talking to Elliot. They are sitting in the living room. Elliot looks completely uncomfortable and for a second his face lights up the moment he sees us entering. But then he looks at his mother and his face changes from relieved to confused and horrified.

"Grace, I was just asking Elliot where you all run off too, it is Carrick's party after all." Elena's smile falls from her face the moment Grace launches at her.

"You bitch! You hurt my boy! You hurt my baby boy!"

Christian takes a step forward to stop his mother, but is held back by his grandfather. "She needs this, Christian."

Grace is holding onto Elena's dress dragging her towards a wall. "You hurt my son!" Almost in slow motion is see Grace hand moving until the sound confirms that she slapped Elena.

"You hurt Sebastian!" Another slap. My stomach lurches at seeing Grace this upset. It is simply heartbreaking.

"How many, Elena? How many boys did you hurt?" Grace's voice is tinged with anger and fear as she keeps repeating the question again and again. And just like that all the fights seem to leave Grace's body as she lets go of Elena. I think Elena is too astounded to even react. Her blue, ice cold eyes are darting to everyone who just witnessed this.

With shaking hands she adjusts her dress and straightens her shoulders. "I don't know what caused this, but I am going to blame the lemon martini's you where drinking, Grace." That awful woman even manages a smile.

"I am going to call you tomorrow." Before she has the time to grab her black clutch from one of the side tables, Elliot blocks her path.

"What is going on here?" He says looking at everyone.

Grace is crying her head buried in her husband's chest. When she lifts her head to speak, she closes her mouth again. She can't. She simply can't.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Elliot yells now.

"Like I said, Elliot, your mother probably has too much alcohol in her system." Elena says trying to get passed him.

"Don't. fucking. Move." He growls at her.

"Lelliot…"

"Is it true what mom said? Did she…hurt you, Christian?" Elliot's head is cocked to one side, his bottom lip is trembling. He swallows and by the emotions passing through is handsome face; I just know that he is fighting away the tears that are threatening to fall.

"I guess your silence is all the confirmation I need." Elliot says hoarsely. Slowly he turns around and starts walking until Elena's back is against the wall.

"Do you know how easy it would be to get rid of your body?" He growls. "I own the biggest construction company in Washington…" He chuckles darkly. "I'll just throw you in a hole and bury that wrinkled, disgusting body of yours…alive." Elliot's hands are clenched at his sides.

"You are fond of little boys huh?" His voice breaks and I see him shaking his head, probably trying to shake the disturbing thoughts away.

"I promised my parents to protect my little brother and sister…and right about now I would like nothing more than to wrap my hand around that disgusting neck of yours and squeeze the life out of you…however, good manners taught me never to hurt a…woman." Elliot can barely speak anymore. His face is extremely close to Elena's and his entire body is shaking with anger. Probably from the effort that it is costing him not to really strangle her. "But you don't belong into that category do you Elena?"

"FUCK!" He yells and punches with his fist against the wall. "You hurt my little brother…" He shouts. "You hurt my little brother." He repeatedly slams his fist against the wall, right next to Elena's head. This is the first time since I have known her that she actually looks scared.

"You are a fucking bitch! You are a dirty, dried-up fucking cunt!" He yells still punching the wall. When I look around me I see Mia crying in her grandfather's arms. Grace is still holding on to Carrick. The pain is written all over her face. She looks as if she is going to pass out any second.

Tugging myself free from Christian's hold, I quickly run to where Elliot is standing and grab his arm.

"Please Elliot…please don't…your hand…" The look of pure devastation and hurt he gives me goes straight to my heart. "Please…Elliot…please…"

"She hurt my little brother Ana…she hurt my little brother." He chants again and again in my ear.

"She is getting what she deserves now Elliot." I whisper back. "She is going to prison for a very long time." He just nods his head several times. I don't know how long we keep standing like that, but when Elliot releases me, he walks to Christian and Mia who are now holding on to each other and wraps his arms over both of them.

"Mr. Grey." Gretchen is standing like a shivering mess in the doorway. "There is a detective Field at the door asking for you, sir."

Carrick doesn't get the chance to react, when a tall man, with dirty blonde hair, confidently enters the living room. He is accompanied by six police officers.

Nodding his head ones he scans the room until his eyes find Elena who is still with her back against the wall.

The next thing I know the detective is walking towards Elena followed by two police officers. "Elena Lincoln, we are placing you under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes as I watch one of the police officers handcuff Elena and leading her out of room. Christian is holding his sister against his chest, looking over her shoulder.

"I am going to make sure that the guests are send home." Mr. Trevelyan whispers in my ear.

"Thank you for being there for my grandson, Ana." With a kiss on my temple I watch him walking out of the living room towards the tent.

A few moments later we are all standing in front of the massive windows being witnesses of Elena Lincoln being pushed in a police car. Even though I feel everyone walking away, I keep looking until the taillights of the police car are only small dots in the darkness.

"Ana, are you coming?" Christian's arm wrap around my waist.

"How are you doing?" I say turning around. His hair is a complete mess and his face exudes weariness and fear. The lines around his eyes tell me how much this is taking from him.

"I'm worried about my family." He says. Kissing my forehead he releases me and grabs my hand. "Come on…let's get this over with." He sighs.

When Christian and I enter Carrick's study I see Grace sitting in one of the chairs crying silently. Her eyes are locked on Mia and Elliot. Carrick's eyes lock with mine and I see so much hurt that I have to look away.

Slowly I make my way to Grace and kneel beside her. "She hurt my baby boy, Ana. A woman who pretended to be our friend hurt my already scarred baby boy…how could I not have seen it?" Grace is staring into space, her hands clenched into fists. "He pleaded with me not to send him back…and I just thought…" A sob catches her throat. "I just thought we were helping him…oh god! Sebastian…we lead him directly into her clutches."

"Where is he now Grace? Is Sebastian alone?"

She shakes her head. "Kate is with him. I gave him a tranquilizer. She promised she would stay with him in case he would wake up." She rattles. Without emotion actually, and her eyes focused on my hand on hers.

I don't know how long I am sitting like this, but when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder, I immediately know it is Christian. After hugging Grace and wiping away the tears off her face, I move out of the way and walk towards the door. Elliot, Mia and Carrick are sitting quietly talking and comforting each other. Their eyes constantly darting towards Christian.

Even though I lost faith in God a long time ago I silently send a prayer to whoever is up there. _Please let them come stronger out of this._

And then very carefully I sneak out of the room, giving them time as a family.

In the hallway I immediately spot Taylor who is silently talking to Christian's grandfather. As soon as he sees me, he straightens his shoulders and gives me a curt nod.

"Ms. Steele." He greets stoically. I just shake my head.

"Ana sweetheart." Christian's grandfather turns around and he actually looks happy.

"Hi."

"I never thought I would see the day that Elena Lincoln would be taken away in handcuffs. I was just telling Taylor here that I am thoroughly enjoying myself this evening." I smile back because I wholeheartedly agree with him. Since the day Christian told me what she did to him, I have been waiting for this day too.

Mr. Trevelyan smiles back. "I have a few phone calls to make. I will be upstairs in the guestroom if someone starts looking for me."

Half an hour later I enter the deserted tent. Less than one hour ago this was full of partying and drinking people, having a good time, celebrating Carrick's sixtieth birthday. Now the abandoned glasses and the plates filled with hors d'oeuvres are simply a distant reminder.

 _Poor Carrick and Grace._

* * *

"There you are. I have been looking for you." I turn around when I hear the sound of Christian's voice. He is standing a few feet away from me and I don't think I have ever seen him looking so preoccupied and tired.

"Why did you leave?" He asks closing the distance between us. His hands move to cradle my head.

"I didn't want to intrude…I…" I shake my head. "How are your parents, Mia and Elliot doing?"

Christian closes his eyes and brings his head down to my hair and inhales deeply. "They are devastated. My mom…she can't stop crying. She blames herself for bringing her into our lives. Carrick…is in lawyer-mode right now. He just called Sebastian's case worker and explained the situation. They agreed to meet tomorrow to discuss the course of action. Mia…" He swallows. "Mia is shocked and Elliot is angry. I have never seen my brother like that Ana."

"Elliot's hand..." I start.

"Mia gave him an icepack. He will be all right."

"There you are." A very angry looking Kate is standing at the tent entrance. Her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Where is Sebastian?" I ask ignoring her childish attitude, which only pisses her off more.

"Sebastian is sleeping. Mia is now with him." She grits through her teeth.

"They are in my dad's study, Katherine." Christian says expecting Kate to be looking for Elliot.

"I know I was there and witnessed a family who is completely shattered and broken." Her arms fall limb aside her body and for a few seconds she stares at the floor. When she looks up again, there is pure anger radiating from her green eyes. I have seen it before, but never aimed at me.

"My fiancé just pushed me away and left for the boathouse saying that he just heard something and that he needed space. Mia was crying when she entered the room Sebastian is sleeping in and when I asked her what the hell was going on she just shook her head and told me that she was staying with Sebastian. Carrick was practically carrying Grace up the stairs, since something or someone obviously has her so upset that she can't even manage to walk." Her eyes flare with anger as she zooms in at Christian.

"And somehow I think that you brought this shit to them, because it is always about you isn't Christian? Poor Christian this, poor Christian that…"

"Enough, Kate!" I yell.

She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "Annette Quinn, Ana? Do you know what she did to my parents? Do you know that she dedicated an entire article about my father's indiscretions for the entire fucking world to read? Do you know what that did to my family? To my mother especially? How can I ever trust you again, Ana?"

"Always so fucking eager for information, aren't you Katherine?" Christian brushes his hands through his hair and takes a step towards her. His movements are smooth and graciously, but his shoulders and the set of his jaw show how tensed he actually is.

"And you want to discuss _trust_ , Katherine? Because you are not much different than Annette Quinn, Kate. You are always breathing down peoples neck's, prying and prodding to gain information that is none of your fucking business. You so desperately want to become this excellent reporter, but the truth is that you are just not good enough." _Oh my god, Christian_. "Do you want to know the reason why you suck at being a reporter, Katherine?" He pauses for a beat, but Kate is too overwhelmed to even respond. "Because you lack all the qualities that make a reporter a _good_ reporter. First there is integrity, the ability to be neutral and let's be honest here Katherine, your people skills suck. But most importantly, you don't have the ability to see the bigger picture. So I suggest you stick to writing fashion articles."

Kate's jaw goes slack when Christian takes another step towards her. "I know that you have been trying to gain access to my adoption records, Kate. I know that you spoke to that newbie lawyer and asked him for a favor. Didn't you find it awfully coincidental that he was transferred to fucking Alabama two days after you spoke with him?"

"I…I…"

"Cat got your tongue now, Katherine?" Christian turns on his heels and drags a chair over to where he is standing. "Sit" He says looking at Kate. Hesitantly Kate sits down. Her trembling hands folded on her lap.

"You could have saved yourself a lot of time, money and energy by simply asking, Kate."

"The burns on my chest and back where caused when my mother's pimp shoved his burning cigarette against my skin."

"Christian, I didn't want to…" Kate slowly rises from the chair but immediately sits downs when Christian sends her a terrifying glance.

"I was left alone for four days with my birthmother's dead body before the police found me. I was found by the Grey's and they gave me something beautiful. They gave me a brother, a home, food and later a baby sister. Psychologists say that I suffer from a severe traumatic experience caused due to the fact that I was left alone with my birthmother's body for four days…" Christian sounds eerie calm as he paces the space in front of Kate.

"I don't know who my biological father is, nor do I care."

Kate nods her head and her eyes dart to me. I can't believe she actually tried gaining access to Christian's adoption records. Why would she do something like that?

"As for Elena Lincoln." Christian continues. "A few weeks ago a very reliable source informed us that Elena Lincoln was engaged in illegal activities. Ana knew Annette Quinn from the time she lived in New York and knew that she was discreet and trustworthy." He leaves the words hanging in the air for a few seconds before he continues. "Our suspicions where confirmed this evening when Annette Quinn called Ana and told her that Elena Lincoln is indeed involved in an underground criminal organization that engages in child trafficking." Someone who doesn't know Christian very well, might think that he sounds cold and distant. But the little tremor in his voice and the clenching of his fist gives me a clear indication that he is incredibly affected by tonight's events.

"Is there anything else you want to know Katherine?" Disdain is oozing from Christian's words.

"Did she hurt Sebastian?" If I know Kate well, and at this point I don't even know if I do, she is sincerely worried about Sebastian.

"He didn't admit it yet, he was very upset. But seeing the bruises and welts on his body we have every reason to believe that yes, Sebastian was hurt by Elena Lincoln."

Tears pool in Kate's eyes as she stares at the floor. She sniffs a few times and then brushes the tears away with the back of her hand.

"I am sorry for trying to gain access to your records…I don't even know why I did it."

"I only let that pass because somehow my brother loves you, Kate. Somehow he sees something in you…my brother loves you Kate, very much. However, if I find out that you are probing into my personal life again, I will personally make sure to make your life a living hell."

Kate nods her head ones and rises from the chair.

"And Kate?" Christian calls out. "Don't hurt my brother."

"I won't…I love him." She whispers.

* * *

While Christian is gathering our bags from his old bedroom I take a look around in the guestroom we are staying. It is very stylishly decorated with cream-colored and blue tones. It is very Grace-like.

"Hi…he is still sleeping." Christian says entering the room and placing our overnight bags on the floor. "Mia is staying with him; we just moved the chaise lounge from her room. I offered to stay with him, but she was adamant."

"Do you think those tranquilizers are strong enough to keep him sleeping during the entire night?"

"That's what my mom said." He shrugs. Taking off his tie he walks to the bed and sits down. "I'm sorry, Ana."

"About what?"

"Everything. I am sorry for being such a pain in the ass sometimes. I am sorry for dragging you into this shit…"

"No more apologies, Christian. Besides you are not responsible for what Elena did." I crawl on his lap and place my head on his shoulder.

"What do you think that will happen now?" I ask.

"I don't know. My dad is set on taking her down." He sighs. "He wants to talk to us tomorrow after breakfast."

"Me too?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah…" He sighs. "He is angry though. Very angry."

That's only understandable since a lot of shit happened right under his nose and he didn't even see it.

He sighs again and slides his hand up and down my back in a comforting manner. I relax into his hold and close my eyes. "I asked Taylor to postpone our departure to New York with a few hours."

"I understand" I whisper not wanting him to feel guilty.

* * *

"Does your brother know about Kate's attempt to gain access to your adoption records?"

"No, I never told him. When they got engaged my mom arranged a party. It was in the backyard, with a lot of drinks, friends and family." He kisses my cheek and lifts my shirt and starts rubbing his fingers over my stomach. "That is when she saw the burns on my chest and back." He shrugs. "She probably got curious."

"I only went to that stupid party because I thought you would be there too." He admits looking at me.

"I couldn't make it. I was in Europe at the time."

He nods against my head and continues sliding his fingers over my belly. _It tickles._

"Anyway, I remember that I stayed because of Elliot. He was so fucking happy and for once I didn't want to be the asshole brother."

He shifts until he is lying on his side with his head leaning on his hand. "I knew that if Elliot would ever find out what she did, they would be over. He wouldn't trust her anymore."

"Are there things you would like to do while in New York?" Christian asks while he brushes his finger along my tattoo. His question makes it clear that he doesn't want to discuss Kate, Elliot or anything that has transpired this evening.

"First, I want to sleep in." He chuckles and kisses my cheek. "I need to do some Christmas shopping and I would like to show you some really cool places I discovered while I was living there."

"I'd like that."

"What about you?"

"I have some Christmas shopping to do too." He smirks. "And I like the idea of sleeping in." He sighs again and leans back in his pillow. "As long as we can spend that time together, Ana…I really don't care what we do. Oh, and I plan on having lots and lots of sex…I plan in fucking you in every surface in my apartment."

"How very flowery and romantic, Mr. Grey."

Suddenly Christian shifts and he is hovering over me. Both hands on both sides of my face.

"I missed you today." He whispers against my lips. Despite the dimmed lights I can still see every emotion in those gray eyes.

"I missed you too, Christian." With his knees he nudges my legs open until he is lying in the perfect position.

 **Christian**

I'm restless. I have been watching Ana sleep the entire time. She is so fucking brave and so incredibly beautiful that it still astonishes me that she is with me. The way she comforted Sebastian and didn't let herself be pushed away, shows how determined she is to help him.

The lines on her forehead show that she isn't entirely relaxed; maybe she is having a bad dream? Even though I know touching her would probably wake her, I can't seem to stop myself. Carefully I brush my finger over her forehead until the worry lines slowly start to fade.

She stirs and slowly sleepy blue eyes meet mine. "Hey, are you still awake?" Ana asks sleepily and kisses my chest where her face is lying.

"Yeah, I think I am going downstairs to clear my mind for a while."

"Okay…don't be too long." With a kiss on her forehead I slip out of the bed and make my way downstairs.

When I reach the kitchen I find my dad, still in his suit, sitting at the table. He has a tray of

Hors d'oeuvres in front of him and he slowly looks up when I take a seat across of him.

"What's that?" I ask pointing at the tray. My dad smirks and demonstratively shoves a vegetable in his mouth. He sighs and looks at the tray in front of him. "Vegetables and dip in baguette cups." He shrugs. "According to your mom, it is healthy."

"How is mom?" I ask and take one of the baguette cups from the plate he just pushed my way.

"Flynn gave her something to sleep." Fuck, I totally forgot that Flynn was also invited.

"I didn't see him."

My dad shakes his head. "He was a little late…he arrived the moment they led Elena away. He send his wife home and talked to your grandfather for a while…"

"Okay"

"Why did you never tell us Christian? Were we such horrible parents that you thought you couldn't confide in us? Didn't you trust us?"

"You aren't horrible parents, dad." Brushing my hands through my hair I avoid looking at my dad. I can handle anger from him. But I can't handle his despondency.

"We would have helped you…"

"I know!" I say cutting him off. "I know that now…but then…She got into my head dad. People like her are manipulative, they know your weaknesses. She told me …that if I'd continued with the drinking and the fighting, that I would end up in jail and that you would disown me… that she could give me what I needed…she told me that it would be our secret…"

"Christian…son…" I shake my head and hold up my hand so that he lets me continue.

"I am so fucking ashamed dad…" I bury my head in my hands and look and stare at the wooden table.

"You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, Christian. She victimized you…she is the one who should be ashamed…" He says firmly.

He is right and I know that, but that doesn't mean that it makes me feel less ashamed of what happened and that I allowed it to happen.

"When did it start, Christian?"

"The first day you send me over."

I can't think back to that day without feeling sick to my stomach. And without looking at him I tell him what happened that day and the following two days at the Lincoln's kitchen and dungeon.

I leave out all the details though, but my dad knows…he just knows. When I have the courage to look up, my dad is looking at me with the tears falling from his eyes.

I believe that this is the second time I have seen my father cry. The first time was at my grandfather's funeral, his father. However, I was so small at the time that when I saw his wet cheeks I buried my face into my mom's legs. Back then my father was one of the strongest and well grounded men I knew. Back then, seeing him cry was confusing. Now…it makes him vulnerable in my eyes and it is fucking painful.


	29. Chapter 29 - Catharsis

**Chapter 29 – Catharsis**

 **Christian**

She is so warm and so soft. First I brush my fingers along her cheek a few times indulging in her soft skin. Then I lean forward and brush my lips against her temple and start peppering her face with little kisses to wake her. I am never going to make the mistake again of leaving her while she is asleep. Even if it is only to go for a run.

"Five minutes…" She mutters sleepy patting my head softly and snuggling deeper into her pillow.

"Ana… I am going for a run, baby. I didn't want to leave without telling you." I whisper against her head. Slowly she turns around and her sleepy eyes focus on my face.

"Oh Christian…did you even sleep, you look exhausted." She says cupping my face with her warm hands.

I think it was four o'clock when my dad and I finally went to bed. Sleep didn't come easy though, so I think I slept just a few hours.

"I can sleep on the plane." I smile. She nods slowly and that _V_ appears between her eyes.

"Is Taylor going with you?" She says suddenly sounding alarmed.

"Yes, why?" She relaxes slightly and averts her eyes. "Why Ana?"

"Because I worry okay…" She says the tears now pooling in her eyes. "If Elena is involved with those Russian."

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Ana." I sit down beside her, tug the duvet away and pull her on my lap. Her arms immediately wrap around my neck while she holds on tightly. I try to comfort her while slowly rubbing my hands over her back and that is when she softly starts to cry.

"Baby, why are you crying?" She shrugs but tightens her hold on my neck.

"Ana, look at me…" She shakes her head no and tries to bury her face deeper into my neck.

I decide it is better to let her cry this out. I can only imagine what she is feeling right now. She was the one who received the phone call from Annette, she was the one who saw the damage on Sebastian's body and she was the one who somehow held the entire family together. So fucking brave and strong. So while she cries softly, I keep stroking her back, occasionally kissing her hair.

When she finally calms down and she starts speaking, her words are rushed and frantic and I can't understand one single word she is saying.

"Ana…calm down…" I speak into her ear. "Calm down…"

"I…I can't…" She sobs. "I…can't …stop…" She slowly loosens her hold on my neck and sits up straighter. Immediately she starts wiping the tears from her face. When she finally meets my eyes, my heart breaks at the hurt on her face. "Promise…me…something…" She says grabbing the collar of my sweater.

"Anything" I whisper.

"Tighten security…Taylor alone is not enough…" She can barely speak since the sobs are shuddering through her body. _Oh Ana!_

"Will that make you feel better?"

She nods her head frantically, her eyes searching my face. "Then I am going to talk to Taylor so he can arrange for extra security, for us, for my family…"

"And…and for Sebastian…and your grandfather…"

"And for Sebastian." I agree. She nods and the tension seems to leave her body.

"If she…hurts you again…I will kill her." She says firmly. The determination on her face tells me that she isn't joking.

"Who are you going to kill?" My brother walks in with a half glass of orange juice. How the fuck did he get in here without me hearing him and what the hell is he doing here?

"Elena…" Ana says. She doesn't even look surprised that Elliot is here sitting on the bed smiling at her.

"Count me in…" He says and kisses the top of Ana's head. He rolls his eyes at me when I send him a glare.

"Good morning Elliot…" Ana smiles sweetly.

"Hi…why the tears, Ana?"

"Where the fuck did the other half of that orange juice go, Elliot?"

He hands her the glass of orange juice and shrugs sheepishly. "I wanted to make sure that it tasted good." He grins.

"I heard you cry…and orange juice always helps."

"Thank you." Ana says taking the glass from his hand. She immediately brings it to her mouth and starts sipping.

"So…the killing of the cunt…" Elliot says rubbing his hands together. "You know what Ana? You have permission to kill her first and when you are finished with her I'll kill her again."

She gives him a shaky smile and lets out a deep sigh. "Thank you, Elliot. You are the brother I never had."

"Be careful what you wish for, baby…" I mutter.

Slowly Elliot stands from the bed and looks at me. "You are going for a run?"

I nod and look at Ana.

"Mind if I'd join you?" He asks.

"No problem…Taylor is coming with us too."

"And Sawyer." Ana pipes up.

"Okay…I'll be downstairs, take your time." And probably just to piss me off, he leans down and plants a loud kiss on Ana's head.

"I don't think I have ever seen Elliot so angry before. I really thought he was going to strangle her." Ana whispers when Elliot closes the door behind him.

I nod agreeing with her. "He really loves you, Christian and I think that he partially blames himself for what she did to you."

"It is not his fault." I say.

"It is nobody's fault, Christian. All the blame goes to Elena."

Again her arms wrap tightly around my neck and I feel her entire body starting to shake. "Ana, talk to me."

"Christian…I am so scared. What if those people she is involved with decide to come after you? We are talking about a Russian mafia organization. They forge documents, falsify travel visas…they are into slavery!" She says frantically. "We don't even know who is involved." She takes a deep breath. "These people have no conscience, Christian. And you didn't talk to Annette…she sounded scared."

"Ana, listen to me." I cup her face in my hands and force her to look at me. "Welch and Taylor are on top of things as is my father. Nothing is going to happen to me, Ana. I promise not to leave your side, okay?" I kiss her pouty mouth. "You are stuck with me." _Forever and ever._

She just stares at me, the tears rapidly falling from her eyes. "In a few hours we will be leaving for New York. Taylor, Sawyer, Reynolds and Ryan will be joining us and following us there." Slowly when the words register she slowly nods her head and slowly the tension leaves her body.

Finally a small smile appears on her face. "I love you." She whispers.

* * *

"Sir, a moment please?" Taylor is standing at the bottom of the stairs already dressed in his workout clothes.

"What is it Taylor?"

"Given yesterday events I had a meeting with Welch this morning and we decided to tighten security for you, Ms. Steele and your family. We've already assigned the best people in the field and instead of the covert security, your family needs to have security with them at all times. I also assigned two security officers to watch the premises here at Bellevue as well as at your grandfather's. He wasn't happy about it when I spoke to him, but he understood." He widens his stand and tilts his chin. He thinks I am going to yell.

"What do you have on Annette Quinn?"

"The last Intel we got was that she left Seattle and booked a flight to New York. She paid in cash."

"Do you have someone on her?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very good. Keep me informed, Taylor. I also want you to assign another CPO to Ms. Steele, preferably a woman."

"Already working on that, sir."

"Thank you, Taylor." I pat his shoulder and point towards the kitchen. "Coffee first and then we can have a run. Elliot is joining us."

It takes him a few minutes for him to start following me. Inwardly I have to laugh. He doesn't know what just happened!

* * *

"Your girl is pretty remarkable." Elliot says when we round the corner. This is the first thing Elliot has said since we left my parents house forty five minutes ago, which is pretty remarkable, since he never seems to be able to be quiet for longer than one minute. In the distance we can see the paparazzi standing at the gate, their camera's clicking while they start shouting our names.

"She is…" I agree and keep my eyes strained on the path in front of me.

"Where is Kate?" _Not that I care._

His brow furrows and I don't fail to notice that my brother doesn't look at me. "She probably took 'give me space' very literally. When I came back from the boathouse and went to my old bedroom her stuff was gone. She left me a little note asking me to call her when I was ready."

"So Ana, did she know?" He asks and I can see from the corner of my eye that he is looking at me.

"She did. Ana knows everything there is to know about me, Elliot."

He keeps silent, probably thinking about my answer. "You could have told me, Christian. I would've helped you." His voice falters and he suddenly stops. Sawyer and Taylor also stop to give us some privacy.

"I know…" I start but I am cut off.

"Do you? Do you really, Christian?" He yells. His hands grabbing his hair in total desperation.

"Yes, Elliot…" I say as calmly as possible.

"Then why the fuck did you allow her to do that to you! Why the fuck didn't you come to me? Or to mom or dad! We would have helped you, man!"

"Because I didn't know how! I was ashamed! So fucking ashamed, Elliot! You have no idea!" I shout back as I feel the shame and guilt building up in my body. With the tears pooling in his eyes, my brother stares at me for what feels like forever. His mouth opens and closes, but no sounds come out.

"Mr. Grey, I would like to suggest to finish this conversation inside." Taylor interrupts my thoughts. When I turn my head to look at him he tilts his chin to the gate where the paparazzi are standing.

"Meet me in ten minutes in the library." I say to my brother without looking at him. "Ask mom, dad and Mia to join you."

Exactly ten minutes later my parents, my grandfather, Elliot, Mia and Ana have gathered in the library.

The silence is deafening and I feel as someone is squeezing my throat, preventing me to breathe.

Faces, weary from the lack of sleep stare at me. My lovely girl is the only one who gives me a small smile. Encouraging me.

I clear my throat and move my head to the sides. "I am only going to tell this once. Please don't interrupt me; it is already hard enough for me to share this with you."

My eyes stop briefly at my little sister. She looks so tired and her eyes are swollen from the crying. She also looks really small sitting in between Elliot and Carrick.

"We just want to understand." Mia whispers. "We are not here to judge you, Christian. We love you too much to do that to you." She sniffs and leans her head against Elliot's shoulder. "We just want you to know that we are here for you."

I take the few steps that separate me from her and swiftly kiss the top of her head. After a few seconds I take a huge intake of air and walk towards the window and with my hands tucked in the pockets of my sweatpants my mind goes back to that time.

"It happened the summer that I was expelled for the second time and mom and dad send me to the Lincolns to help with their backyard. I am not going to give you details; I just want to share how it made me feel and why I never told you anything."

"After it happened…I felt powerless, numb even. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I felt completely out of control." I shake my head in disgust. "As the months passed I questioned myself…was it really wrong what she did to me? In my head I denied it happened, because it was easier. I mean, if I hadn't made that smart ass remark about what she was wearing, she maybe wouldn't have…done it." I shrug. "Now as an adult and after excessive counseling I know I was wrong, but I was fifteen…I really thought I was the one to blame." Behind me I hear some rustling and sniffling but I can't make myself turn around to look at them. I don't think I can even walk at this point. It feels like I am paralyzed from the waist down.

I clear my throat and stare at the Sound for a long time before speaking again. "Then the shame started. I thought that by telling mom and dad they would feel embarrassed and that they wouldn't believe me or that they would send me away. That was one of the first things Elena said to me…that my parents would never believe me." I stop talking when I hear my mother gasp, but again I will myself to focus on the Sound.

"I remember feeling anxious and dirty…I felt so fucking dirty." A shudder runs through my body and I force myself not to think about that.

In the reflection of the window I see Ana walking to me. Careful, as though she is not sure of my reaction, she wraps her arms around my waist and leans her forehead against my back. Instantly my hands wrap around hers.

"I was glad that I was finally able to convince mom and dad to send me to grandpa and grandma to spend the summer. I had a great time that summer." I feel myself smile as a little bit of tension starts to leave my body. "Pops tried to teach me how to play chess and grandma tried to teach me the basics of making spaghetti. They gave me little projects to work on and I was actually happy. But while the end of the summer was approaching and it was time to go back home, my anxiety grew. I was afraid that she would be here, like she always was some afternoons drinking coffee with mom." I can hear my mother crying now. _Please mom don't cry anymore._ "Thankfully she wasn't. I think it was in the first week that I overhead mom and dad talking that she was lying in the hospital. She never came back."

I close my eyes for the next part. I might as well tell them everything, they will sooner or later find out anyway. "So I started in that new school and I vowed to myself to get good grades, because I didn't want to go back to Mrs. Lincoln…because as long as I would get good grades, mom and dad wouldn't send me back. The thought of ever having to go back to…her was the incentive I needed to stop drinking and fighting. Fast forward a few years and I were in Harvard where I met Ana. I had the most wonderful year of my life until I decided to be an asshole and break things up with her. At that time I really thought that I had nothing to offer to her. Anyway, since I was determined to start my own business and I didn't have the money I started working at a night club. I soon found out that I wouldn't get the necessary money as quickly as I thought working as a bartender…and that is when Elena Lincoln entered my life again." I snort. "And I really thought it was all a fucking coincidence."

I turn around in Ana's arms and wrap my arms around her. I kiss her hair several times inhaling her soft scent while I try to gather the strength to keep me going.

"One day, while I was on my break, Elena Lincoln entered the night club. She told me that she had a proposition." Releasing Ana shortly, I rub my hands over my face. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Before I share this with you, I have to ask you, never to speak about this with anyone. If this gets out…some way or another it could have severe repercussions for my business, causing people to lose their jobs." I don't look at them. I know my family and I know that they would never do anything to harm me.

"The proposition entailed working for an escort agency that provided escorts for clients, usually for sexual services. I worked for 'Servus' for approximately six month. One evening when I was escorting a client to a charity, I ran into Pops. The next morning he was standing on my doorstep and that is when I told him everything. He left after giving me the biggest verbal-ass-kicking known to men and somehow the next day I received a phone call from the agency that my services weren't needed anymore. It was pops who lend me the money to start GEH."

"Oh my god, oh my god…" My mother says again and again. Her voice sounds strangled and full of anger. When I cast a glance her way she has her mouth covered with her hand. She is staring at me, her eyes wide open while the tears rapidly fall on her cheeks. Slowly I watch her hand falling limb on her lap and turning to look at my father. Carrick is leaning with his elbows on his knees, his head bent forward.

"This is all your fault…" My mother whispers. "This is your fault Carrick Grey…you send our son away. You told him never to come back unless he did exactly what you had said. You took away his money…you…"

"Mom, no!" In four strides I kneel in front of her and take her cold hands in mine. "Please, don't…" I plead. "Please…"

"She is right, son." My dad says. His voice hoarse and grief stricken.

"No!" I yell. "No!" Rising to my feet I start pulling my hair and pacing the library. "I didn't tell you this so that you can start blaming each other!" I yell.

"I told you this…" I swallow and wipe the wetness from my cheeks. "I told you this, because you somehow deserve to know all of me… In order to get on with my life I needed to tell you this."

Kneeling in front of my parents I look at them. "I am happy now. I am ready to take the next step and to leave the past behind me. I want to grow old with Ana, I don't want to constantly feel anxious about someone finding out about my past…it is just that, my past. Please try to understand that. But don't blame each other." Again I look at both of them trying to tell them with my eyes what I so desperately want them to know.

My mother nods her head. "I am so sorry, Christian…I am so sorry…" Her cries are heartbreaking and just when I am about to ask her not to cry, I know that she can't stop.

Remembering what Flynn once told me when we the discussed telling my parents about what Elena did to me, I hold tighter on to my mother. He told me that when parents find out that their child has been sexually abused, it is often the worst experience they will have.

 **Anastasia**

Watching Christian with his parents and siblings is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. I am standing near one of the sofas with my arms wrapped around my waist when I see Christian's grandfather graciously standing from the couch and making his way towards me. He gives me a smile while he wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"He is going to need you now more than ever." He whispers.

"I know…" I smile when he hands me his embroidered handkerchief. He smiles back making the corners of his eyes crinkle. "My mother taught me never to leave the house with a clean handkerchief. She would always say: _Theo, a good clean hanky can come in handy when you have to dab your forehead, you've got snot running out of your nose or when a nice gal starts tearing up_." He winks.

"Christian always carries a handkerchief. I think it is a gallant and chivalrous gesture…"

"Glad I haven't lost my touch then." He says pulling me closer to his side.

"Mr. Trevelyan…uhm…thank you for being there for Christian. For helping him getting out of that agency…" Gently he squeezes my shoulder and smiles down at me. "I was just on the right place at the right time; I won't say I wasn't mad at the boy." He grunts. "But he is my grandson and I love him dearly. And I would do it again if needed."

It has been a while since everyone left the library. With his last strength Christian slumped into the sofa and pulled me with him. The moment he laid his head on my lap he fall asleep and he has been sleeping now for the last hour.

I wonder how this is going to affect him. Is he embarrassed, does he still feel guilty? And his parents? Poor Carrick and Grace. Elliot was uncharacteristically quiet. Holding on to his little sister he would close his eyes every now and then and bury his face in Mia's hair.

I caress with my fingertip along the stubble on his chin until I reach his perfect lips. _He is so handsome._

He always tells me that he thinks I am strong and brave, but doesn't he see how strong and brave he is? He was somehow able to escape the abusive environment he was born into. Then Elena fucking Lincoln entered the picture and the abuse started again. He was in some way strong and brave enough to stop it and escape. Distractions and life in general carried him forwards, but he lost his sense of worth and sometimes even his sense of self. It amazes me how easily he can disconnect himself from painful feelings though. I feel the tears burning when I think about what she did to him. Not only did the abuse remain a horrible secret in Christian's life, but it also isolated him further from his family. One of Christian's biggest fears was that his parent's wouldn't believe him, and after seeing and hearing Carrick's reaction yesterday, when Christian accused Elena of abusing Sebastian, I think his fears were grounded. The idea that he always thought that there was something bad, wrong and dirty about him, what initially made the abuse happen, infuriates and saddens me.

I move, causing Christian to grunt in annoyance. He has to be extremely tired since he doesn't even wake up. His brow furrows, but those worry lines immediately disappear again when I finally manage to shift until we are both lying on the sofa face to face and I start to brush my fingers through his hair. When he relaxes completely I take one of his hands and pull it against my chest. Maybe disclosing his abuse to his parents is the start of his healing process.

I sigh and carefully I brush my lips against his. "I love you." I whisper and I vow to myself that I will do everything in my power to help him heal.

* * *

Christian is nervous. I can see it at the way he is chewing his bottom lip and staring into space. His phone clutched in his hands. He slept for two hours straight. The moment he opened his eyes he looked apprehensive and troubled and it broke my heart to see him like that. Instead of telling him how incredibly proud I was of him, I swiftly kissed the tip of his nose and when I crinkled my nose and said that he was in desperate need of a shower he smiled, albeit timidly. Hand in hand we silently walked to his room and while I packed our bags and tidied the room, he took a long shower.

Even though his parents and siblings all reacted like only could be expected; shocked, astonished but still loving, caring and accepting, he is still afraid of being rejected.

"Ready?" I ask.

Instead of responding his eyes search mine and he looks empty and so incredibly sad. I slowly make my way to the bed and climb on it until I am sitting on his lap.

"Talk to me, Christian." Mindlessly he throws his phone on the bed and takes both of my hands in his. His thumb is slowly rubbing over the silver ring I am wearing on my right hand. His eyes are strained on our hands. He slowly lifts my hand and starts to inspect the ring.

"Who gave you this ring?" He asks but still doesn't look at me.

"I bought it." He nods his head ones and then taps with his finger against my watch. "And the watch and bracelets?"

"My mom gave me the watch for my birthday. The bracelets are from my dad, another birthday present."

He keeps wiping his thumb over my watch and then a small smile appears on his face.

"Do you remember when you bolted out of that Italian restaurant where I was eating with Elliot and I ran after you?"

"Of course I do…" _How could I forget?_

"You gave me one minute…" He shakes his head and then finally his eyes meet mine. "You kept looking at your watch and I wanted nothing more than to rip it off of you and throw it in the nearest garbage can. You didn't even look at me."

"Christian, what is this about." I wiggle my hands free from his hold and cup his face and force him to look at me.

"Do you need anything? Do I need to call…uhm…" _Shit if forgot the guy's name_. When I look back at Christian he has his eyebrows raised. "I forgot the name of you psychologist…" I say lamely and feel the blush spreading on my cheeks.

"Psychiatrist and his name is John Flynn."

"Right…do I need to call him?" I can feel my heart pounding against my ribs.

"I have everything I need here with me." He takes my hands in his and kisses my knuckles. "You are all I need."

His brow furrows. "When I saw you that day I felt so many emotions. First I was ecstatic to see you again. I remember that you where wearing your hair in a bun and a few strands had come loose. I wanted nothing more than to tuck those strands behind your ear." He shakes his head as if he is trying to gather his thoughts. "Like I said…I felt so many emotions in that minute…but what I felt the most was guilt. Your eyes, those eyes that always executed calmness, kindness and love where now angry, cold and bitter and I knew I had caused that. It made me sick to my stomach causing inability to think of anything else." With a final squeeze he lets go of my hands and he lets his fall limb on his lap. His head falls forward and then he takes a deep shuddering breath. When he finally looks up at me, I see the moisture in his eyes.

"But what I felt yesterday when I saw the bruises and welts on Sebastian's back, was worse than guilt. I realized that if I had actually told my parents, Sebastian wouldn't have been hurt."

"Christian, you can't blame yourself. You were a kid yourself! It wasn't your fault that Sebastian got hurt…"

"It wasn't my fault, Ana, but I could have prevented it. She is into human trafficking. God fucking knows how many children have been victims of her depravity." His breathing is getting erratic as his eyes search wildly around him.

"Please…please don't do this to yourself." I whisper, but I don't think he hears me. He is too lost in his own thoughts. The guilt is eating him alive.

"Christian, you were fifteen years old!" I try again.

"I was only thinking about myself Ana! The only thing I could think of what that my parents were going to send me away the moment they found out…it was selfish…"

"No! You were a child." The moment I see the tears on his cheek the numbness I was feeling turns into sadness, pain and helplessness.

"Christian, will you please look at me. Please." Holding his head by his hair I push him backwards until he is looking at me.

"You weren't able to foresee the consequences, Christian."

"I always thought I was the only one." He says. His voice is just a whisper.

"Don't blame yourself, Christian. Please." I start brushing the tears from his face, but they keep coming.

"You can help him now. You have the resources…you can ask your parents for help. And you are not alone this time, because I will be here with you." Grabbing his shoulders I shake him a little. Shit, I want to shake the torment from his face.

"You'll help me?" He asks. And when he looks up at me I don't see the powerful CEO, or the attentive, caring and loving boyfriend I love so much. I see that scared fifteen year old boy, reaching out for help.

"Always…"

"Good…" He says. "Then let's have breakfast and get the hell out of here."

 **Christian**

Walking down the stairs to the kitchen is like walking down death row. Even though disclosing everything to my parents and siblings felt liberating, there is still that lingering fear that when they have the chance to really think about it, they will turn their backs on me.

Everyone, except Mia and my grandfather are sitting at the table. Four heads pop up when Ana and I enter the kitchen. My mom and dad both smile at us as we sit down. _At least they aren't yelling or crying anymore._

Breakfast is a quiet affair until I hear the softest giggle coming from beside me. Before I have the chance to look, I hear Sebastian's chuckle followed by my brother's boisterous laughter.

"Oh crap…" A little snort and a giggle follow and then I finally look at my girl sitting beside me. The giggle turns into soft laughter and then I see her taking the napkin from her lap while she uses it to cover her face.

When I look down I see that Ana somehow managed to flip the waffle from her plate letting it land on her chest. It is slowly sliding down of her white blouse, leaving a trail of cream cheese on its wake.

"Ana…how?" I ask in between laughter.

"I don't know…" She shrugs. "One moment it was on my plate and then it mysteriously landed on my chest…" Her eyes are wide and filled with laughter. Even in her clumsiness she is adorable and sweet.

My mother is wiping the tears from her eyes with her fingertips and this time I know it is from laughing.

"I am sorry…" Ana says again now looking at my parents. My mother simply waves her hand in the air, and my dad grins at her. Very unceremoniously she takes the waffle between her finger and thumb and places it back on her plate.

Biting her lip she starts to wipe the cream from her blouse which results in a huge stain. "I better get changed." She says rising from her chair.

Before I know what I am even doing I point at her plate. "Eat!" I bark. Very slowly she turns around and the simple tilt of her head and her lifted eyebrow tells me that I fucked it up again.

"That is if you are hungry of course…" I mutter petulantly. I shouldn't have looked at my brother or father because they are both smirking. Elliot is mouthing 'pussy wiped', until my mother pats his hand in annoyance and tells him to stop teasing me.

A smile appears on Ana's face and then she leans down to kiss my cheek. "I already ate a waffle and strawberries. I will be down in a second. I love you."

Ana has just disappeared when we hear someone coming down the stairs in an extreme hurry. Elliot looks at my parents and rolls his eyes. "Please tell me why you never taught her to gracefully descend the stairs instead of pounding her way downstairs like a freaking elephant?"

"I heard that! And to answer your question, that's your fault, Elliot." Mia says entering the kitchen and slaps Elliot on the back of his head.

"Why the fu…why the hell is that my fault?" He asks rubbing the back of his head.

"Because since I was little, you always told me that there were monsters hiding under the stairs." She says smiling. "God I was so stupid…" She adds as an afterthought.

"Remember when she got that new haircut?" Elliot winks at me and lazily takes a sip of his coffee.

"That bowl cut? How could I forget? She had that for half of her life." I laugh and watch Mia giving me the evil eye.

"Boys, don't tease your sister. Besides she looked adorable with that lovely haircut." _She did not!_

"I certainly didn't look adorable mother!" Mia huffs. "I looked like one of those Lego dolls."

From the corner of my eye I see Sebastian smiling at Mia's dramatic hand movements. When she looks at him she smiles back. "You have no idea what I had to go through growing up with these two here…it's a miracle I didn't end up traumatized."

"It wasn't that bad, Mia." Elliot pipes up.

"You especially were the worst." She says pointing her finger at Elliot. She turns her face and looks at Sebastian. "Every time he had to babysit me and I wouldn't do what he told me, he always threatened to call the police. Oh and when I started crying because of something he did, he would shush me, in a state of sheer panic over what our parents were going to do and the he would allow me to punch him."

Elliot throws his head back and laughs. "Fun times." He says wiggling his eyebrows.

Mia flips him off totally ignoring my mother's death glare. "But do you know what the most embarrassing moment of my life?"

Sebastian shakes his head no, his eyes huge as saucers. Mia sighs dramatically, however she is fighting off a smile. "One year I had the same teacher as Elliot. The poor woman was terrified. _So you are Elliot Grey's little sister_? "I swear" Mia continues. "Her bottom lip was actually trembling when I confirmed that Elliot Grey was indeed my older brother, she said; _your brother was the loud boy making fart noises with his arm pit. I just want you to know Ms. Grey that I don't tolerate such behavior in my classroom."_

We all laugh at that. I can totally imagine my brother sitting in the back of the class room making fart noises with his arm pit, thinking he was cool, but he only was a little irritating pain in the ass.

"Oh Elliot your hand!" My mother gasps. I wince when I see his bruised hand. "It is worth it…too bad it wasn't her face though." Elliot says indignantly. He shakes his head and locks eyes with me. "I am going to call you later and you are going to pick up the phone and we are going to talk." He says looking at me.

"Elliot." He cuts me off pointing his finger at me. "We love you Christian and you can't throw that kind of information at us and act as if nothing has happened." He throws his napkin on the table and stands.

"So I am going to call you and you are going to pick up that phone like the nice little brother you are."

I simply nod my head.

"I need to go." He says now glancing down at his watch. "I'm meeting Kate at her parent's.

"Dad, call me the minute you hear something about Elena." Elliot says as he gives my mom a kiss on her cheek.

"Laters!" He bellows.

"What…what will happen to her?" Our heads snap to look at Sebastian.

"Why don't we take a walk, Sebastian?" I ask rising from my chair. I avoid the looks everyone is giving me. Grabbing our coats from the hallway I lead Sebastian to my parent's backyard.

We spend the first few minutes walking in silence. The crunching sound of the gravel is somehow a soothing and welcome distraction.

Silently we walk to the wooden bench at the end of the path. The view is amazing even though the sky is gray and gloomy. This was always one of my favorite spots. It is far enough from the house to have privacy, but still close enough so not to feel totally isolated.

"Did you grow up here?" Sebastian asks. He has his hands shoved in his coat pockets while he stares to the house.

"I did. I was very fortunate to end up with Grace and Carrick." I admit. "We used to live in Detroit. That is where Elliot and I were born. I don't remember much about that time though."

"Your sister was born here in Seattle?" He asks still not looking at me.

"Yes, Mia was born in Seattle. My parents adopted her when she was a baby. We are all adopted, Sebastian."

He bows his head and stares into his lap. "I didn't know that…"

"Since I can remember Elena Lincoln and her husband were friends with my parents." I start carefully. His shoulders tense at the mention of her name.

"As a teenager I started drinking and getting into fights. I got expelled from two schools and that is when my parents decided to send me over to the Lincoln's to do some yard work." I stare at the water while I try to figure out a way to tell him that his feelings of shame are unjustified.

He turns his head to look at Taylor and Sawyer who are standing a few feet away from us.

"You can trust them." I say.

"At first…she was nice…" Sebastian starts. His voice filled with unease. "She came to the home a couple of times; spend time with us until one day she took me on a day out. It was…fun. I …I trusted her." He says his voice breaking.

"I lied to Mia yesterday. I lied to a lot of people."

"You were trying to protect yourself, Sebastian."

"I wasn't out for a run yesterday. She made me come to the house and she punished me…she said that I shouldn't have smiled at Ana and that I shouldn't have agreed on going with you to Bainbridge Island, but I really wanted to go to Bainbridge Island…I like your brother, he is fun. And as for smiling at Ana…me…I didn't mean anything by it…she smiled and I just smiled back."

"She won't be able to hurt you or anyone else anymore, Sebastian. She is in jail now." He nods his head, confirming he just heard what I told him.

"Will she get out?" His voice is trembling and I force myself to look away.

"No" The relief is visible in his body. His shoulders relax.

"There is a girl living at the home." He says after a few minutes. His hands are now resting on his legs. "Her name is Emma and she is five years old. Her parents also died in a car accident, she was the only survivor." He looks at me. "She doesn't talk, the psychologists think she is a mute and mentally disabled, but she isn't. She is very smart and sometimes she talks to me." He clears his throat. "Elena somehow knew that Emma and I were close…and she said that if I ever told anyone anything that she would adopt Emma too and…hurt her. That's why I never told anyone anything."

I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger when I see him wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve.

He stays quiet as if sharing that piece of information has totally drained him. His entire body is shaking and I have no idea if it is from the cold or something else.

"Let's go inside, Sebastian."

When we walk into the kitchen my parents are still seated at the breakfast table.

"Sebastian, son…. yesterday, when you were sleeping, we called the social worker and brought her up to date on the developments concerning your adoption. She will be in later to ask you some questions." Carrick looks tired when he moves his gaze from his plate to look at Sebastian. "I understand if you want to do this alone, however, if you want anyone present I can arrange that for you."

"Grace and I would like to apologize to you." My dad swallows and forces himself to look at the young, broken kid standing across the table. "We would like to apologize for leading her to you…and for not being able to see who she really was. As a lawyer…"

"It isn't your fault Mr. Grey…" Sebastian says quickly. Shoving his hands in his pockets he takes a step backwards as if he is distancing himself from them, us. "I am going to pack my bag." Sebastian says emotionless.

"I guess Mrs. Cooper is going to take me back to the home. Thank you for breakfast and everything."

"Sebastian. You don't have to leave." My mother hurries to say. "Carrick arranged with Mrs. Cooper that you can stay here for as long as you need. We understand that you might be more comfortable here than back at the home. But the choice is yours. Just know that you are more than welcome." She says smiling.

"We also want you to know that Elena has been arrested. She won't be hurting you or other children anymore." My dad adds grimly. His eyes shift quickly to mine and then back to his plate.

"I also received a phone call this morning from the detective that arrested Elena. He will be coming in this afternoon to talk to you, Sebastian."

Rising from his chair, my dad kisses my mother's temple and clears his throat. "Now, if you all excuse me, I need to make a few phone calls."

"Mia and Ana are upstairs." My mother says gently looking at Sebastian. "You can sit in the library and we even have a pool table…or you can sit here with us." She pats the empty seat next to her.

"I'll just be upstairs. Thank you Mrs. Grey."

"Grace…it is Grace." She hurries to say before he disappears through the door.

"Does my handsome son have a few minutes to spare?" She asks smiling up at me.

"Of course." Taking of my coat I take the seat next to my mom. Her hand immediately grasps mine while her eyes start to fill with tears.

"Mom please don't cry." I whisper.

She shakes her head. "I feel the deepest despair, Christian. I can't stop thinking that I could have prevented everything. As your mother I should have seen the signs."  
"Mom…"

"Just let me finish…" She sniffs. "I know you." She says wiping the hair from my forehead. "And I know that you are blaming yourself. But mostly you are afraid that we won't love you anymore."

When those brown, gentle eyes stare into mine intently I just nod. She is right, being rejected by my parents is my biggest fear.

She holds back a sob and takes a few minutes to compose herself. "Don't ever, ever think that we don't love you, because we do. That's why we are so devastated, Christian. And we believe you." She says slowly. "We believe that she did those horrible things to you." She pauses and looks at me waiting for a response.

"You believe me." I repeat.

"We are incredibly proud of the man you've become. You are loyal, trustworthy and so very loving and caring. I know that it took enormous strength and courage to share your story with us."

"And one thing you can never forget is that we love you." She squeezes my hand softly. "Your father and I are proud to call ourselves your parents. We. Love. You." She says slowly emphasizing each word.

"You love me." I whisper. My heart is pounding in my chest as I absorb the words my mom just told me. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

* * *

 **Authors note: Hi ladies! Thank you all for your PM's and reviews on this story! Your thoughts are very encouraging and very much appreciated.**

 **Unfortunately there will be no update next week; I have a few things I need to take care off, leaving me little to no time to write. So see you all on November 1.**


	30. Chapter 30 - Carla Adams

**Chapter 30 - Carla Adams**

 **Christian**

I let out a sigh of relief the moment the jet took off a little over an hour ago and we left the city of Seattle behind us. _Fucking finally._ I have a massive headache and I can feel every single muscle in my body. I rub my hand over my chest trying to ease that dull pain that has been there since this morning, but when I lift my eyes and I watch my girl curled up in the comfortable leather chair with a book, the headache and the sore muscles evaporate. I also can't wait to see her face when she sees her surprise.

Every now and then she looks at her watch and bites her lips while looking out of the small window. "Care to tell me what you are thinking about?"

Ana closes her book and places it on the table in front of her. She takes the glass of wine and slowly brings it to her lips. "Sebastian should be at the hospital right now." She shrugs. "I wish there was something we could do for him." After detective Field came to the house to speak with Sebastian he recommended to take him to the hospital. Since his wounds were already taken care of and he didn't need stitches, taking him to the hospital was mostly to provide documentation for the future investigation.

"My parents were going to take him. They will take good care of him." I assure her.

"I know." Her eyes dart around and her stare lingers at the four security guys sitting on the other side of the plane. Ryan is sleeping. Reynolds and Sawyer are playing cards and Taylor is reading.

At the biting on her bottom lip and her mindless stare into space I can sense that Ana's thoughts are going to a place I don't want her. I don't want her to worry about Sebastian, Elena or all the other shit that went down. I want her to feel relaxed and at ease. I want her to forget what happened and what she heard the last few days. Some things I never even shared with her.

Unbuckling my seatbelt I rise to my feet, extend my hand and wait for her to take hold of it. Her eyes meet mine confused and then her eyes dart to where Bernadette, the flight attendant, disappeared into.

"Don't we need permission from tall-blonde-and-beautiful?" She says raising her eyebrow at me. _Tall blonde and beautiful? Tall, yes. Blonde, most definitely. Beautiful. Absolutely not._

"I told her not to interrupt us."

"Where are we going?" She whispers when I push her into the master bedroom and lock the door behind me.

"You look tired." _And I would really like to fuck you._

"So do you." She retorts. _I am. I am so fucking tired._ But first I need to fuck her. It has been too long.

She is talking, because I see her mouth moving, but I am too enthralled to respond. While she is talking animatedly about everything she wants to do in New York she is slowly removing her clothes.

"I don't think you've heard a word I said…" With her dainty hands on her hips and the impatient tapping of her bare foot on the floor she looks fucking cute and sexy. I loved the blue set she was wearing the other day, but today, my favorite color is red…just like the tiny thongs and that sexy bra.

Her teeth sink down to that lovely lip and I see at the way her eyes get a little hazy that she is as turned on as I am.

"You look hot." I say taking a step towards her.

"You look hot too." She pants softly.

"Lay down, Anastasia…" Stripping out of her red lingerie she lays down. Her brown hair spread on the cream colored duvet, her blue eyes sparkling with desire. She looks perfect.

It takes me less than a minute to strip down to my underwear and lay down next to her. I reach a hand out and circle a fingertip around her already hard nipple. Leaning over, I move my tongue over the same path, lightly circling her perfect nipple. I pull it into my mouth and suck gently. Immediately her hands move to my hair, holding me tight in place. Sucking harder I pull her nipple in deep and she starts bucking softly against me.

"Kiss me, Christian." She moans. I release her nipple and kiss my way to her mouth. Taking her face in my hands in kiss her. I can't go slowly, I can't do sweet…it has been too long.

Grinding my pelvis into hers she starts moaning harder. She palms my cock through my underwear and I groan in her mouth. "If you keep that up…this is going to be over too soon…"

With a last kiss I move until I am lying with my face between her spread legs. I am rewarded by a very unladylike groan from Ana, when I lick that tight little nub.

Fuck, she smells so good. Tastes so good. I don't ever want to leave this spot.

"I want to suck on you all day, baby." I say pulling away. Ana responds my moaning, grabbing my hair and pushing my face harder into her pussy as she grinds it against me. _I almost forgot that my girl loves dirty talk._

I doubt it takes two minutes when her entire body starts shaking hard as she starts to come. Her legs clamping around my head so tight that my ears are ringing. But I keep licking her until I have wretched every little bit of pleasure out of that delicious body.

"Oh fuck, Christian!" She shouts out. I pull away and stare down at her. Ana has her legs splayed apart, her chest heaving and a perfect blush covering her perfect body. I look away briefly when I remove my boxers and bite the inside of my cheek. Because I am pretty sure that I am going to explode by only watching her.

Leaning over her, with my hands on both side of her face I line up and slowly enter that tight pussy.

She starts moving, but I shake my head. "Don't…I….I need to concentrate…" Fuck I think I am going to come without even moving. After a few moments, when I think I have it under control, to at least last more than one fucking minute I start moving inside of her.

I need to taste her, so after thrusting hard into her I put my lips on hers.

"Oh god…so good…" She moans into my mouth.

"You are so fucking hot, Ana." I murmur in between kisses. "You feel so fucking good, baby."

Burying my face into the crook of her neck I enjoy the smell of her scent and her soft moans.

"You body is addicting, Ana…" I gently bite her earlobe and I feel her nails sinking into the soft flesh of my shoulders.

"Harder, Christian, harder." She pants.

"Look at me, Ana. I need to see your eyes." She blinks a few times and then those perfect blue eyes focus on my eyes. I think that my body is going to explode from the love I feel for this woman. I want to ask her to marry me, spend the rest of my life with me, but I know that it would be too soon. So instead I push the though away and revel into the perfect woman lying underneath me.

I can feel Ana starting to tremble under me again as I can feel my orgasm starting at my spine all the way to my cock. Our bodies both stiffening in pleasure and shaking in excitement we reach that sweet moment together.

We lay like that, me on top of her for a few minutes while I keep whispering her name. The only other sound in the bedroom that of our elaborate breathing.

When I finally get my heartbeat and my limbs back under control, I pull out of her. She gives me a shy smile and kisses my mouth.

"I love it when I can taste myself on you." She whispers. _Well fuck._

My last thought before falling asleep with my girl in my arms is that I need to ask her to move in with me as soon as possible.

* * *

"Christian, this isn't New York." She looks adorable with her hair pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head and eyes thick from sleep. I grin, lean down to kiss her cheek and usher her to the waiting car. When we reach the car she crosses her arms in front of her chest and squints her eyes at me.

"I am not getting in that damn car until you tell me where we are and where we are going!" She looks around her and I am amazed that she hasn't figured it out yet.

"And isn't it supposed to be snowing and colder? The weather report said it was snowing in New York!"

"You look adorable and cute when you are angry, Ms. Steele." I whisper in her ear. "That does things to me."

"I am freaking serious right now, Christian Trevelyan Grey." _Adorable, cute and stubborn._

"Hilton Head International Airport." I say opening the door for her to get in the car. Instead of joy I see panic. "We are in Savannah? Georgia? My mom…something happened to my mother, Christian?"

"No, baby, nothing happened to your mother." Fuck this was supposed to be a surprise. This was supposed to make her happy, not to send her into frenzy.

"Get in the car and I will tell you, okay?"

"Promise me that there isn't anything wrong with my mother."

"I promise." She relaxes, her arms falling limb against her sides.

"When are we going to New York?"

"Get in the car, Anastasia." I growl. She rolls her eyes, throw her hands in the air and mutters "I give up" under her breath and the fucking finally she gets that tiny ass of her in the car.

"Does my mom know we are coming? Are we going to spend the night here in Georgia? You know that I really don't like surprises." She goes on and on while Taylor drives the car in the direction of Carla and Bob Adams. _This is going to be interesting_.

"Breathe, Ana, breathe…" Huffing indignantly she crosses her arms in front of her chest and stares out of the window. I sigh and tug at her arm.

"Yes, your mother knows we are coming, yes we are going to spend the night and yes I am aware that you don't like surprises."

With her hand stiffly in mine she nods her head once but doesn't turn to look at me.

"Look, it was your mom's idea." _Certainly not mine._

"She could have called _me_." She pouts. I roll my eyes, thankful for the darkness in the car.

"She did, eleven times to be exact, but you'd left your phone in the tent. Someone of the event company found it and brought it to Gretchen, who then gave it to me."

"Of course little-miss-pigtails brought that freaking phone to you." I stifle a laugh and squeeze her hand.

"You were upstairs with Mia and Sebastian."

"What did she say? My mother I mean when you picked up the phone?" She turns to look at me now and even in the dimmed lit car I can see that small smile on her lips.

"She is reserving that bit for when she sees me face to face. Said she would enjoy that more."

"Did you know that my mom has the black belt on Taekwondo?" _She does? Well fuck._

"No I didn't."

"Oh…she can kick your ass, Grey. And she also took some shooting lessons. I have to be honest with you here…she is damn good."

"Thank you for the pep-talk, baby. I really needed that." I deadpan. Truth is that Carla has every reason to be mad at me for hurting her daughter. I know how close they are, so I know that I am going to get my ass handed to me. _However, I didn't know about those shooting lessons._

"Taekwondo?"

She sighs. "Yes, she started taking lessons right after she divorced husband number three."

Ana never talked much about husband number three. All I know is that her mom send her to live with Ray the moment he started to act inappropriately towards Ana. I never pressed her on the topic sensing that she was really uncomfortable talking about that time. _Scumbag._

"Ana…did he ever touch you?"

"No, it never came to that, but he touched my mother though." I nod my head. That I know. When he found out that Carla had send Ana away he beat her up so badly that she ended up in the hospital with a few broken ribs and a ruptured spleen.

"What happened to him?" I ask and the minute the words leave my lips I know I have made a mistake.

"I don't know and I don't care, Christian. My mother doesn't like to talk about him and neither do I." She snaps. She takes a deep breath and continues. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, but he was a narcissist. He didn't care about our feelings, he couldn't emphasize, and frankly I have never met anyone that thrives so much on diminishing, debasing or degrading other people than Stephen Morton."

Taylor makes eye contact through the rearview mirror and I just know that the moment we set foot in New York he is demanding a background check on Stephen Morton.

"I'd rather not talk about him anymore, Christian."

Fifteen minutes later we approach the neighborhood in which Carla and Bob Adam live. Ana shifts in her seat and I watch mesmerized as she presses her nose against the window. At the moment Taylor turns the corner and the house comes into view she is practically bouncing up and down in her seat from excitement.

"Oh my god! There is my mom!" Before Taylor has the car in park Ana has opened her door and is running down the cobblestoned path leading to her mother's front door where her mother is waiting for her with an equally big smile on her face.

 **Anastasia**

"Anastasia. I missed you so much." My mother whispers in my ear.

"I missed you too, mom." I whisper while I bury my face in the crook of her neck. Her familiar scent and warmth immediately fills my eyes with tears.

"What is wrong, mom. What am I doing here? And why all the secrecy? You know I am not really fond of surprises." I look past her shoulder and see Bob awkwardly standing in the doorway. In a few steps he bolts down the few stairs, gives me an awkward hug and a kiss on my forehead.

Bob smiles down at me and then his shining blue eyes dart to my mother. Thank goodness for Bob. Thank goodness for his patience but most of all for his love for my mother. My mother met Bob a few years after she divorced husband number three. Stephen fucking Morton turned my mother into a shell of a woman. Before meeting the bastard she was funny, caring and loving. She started to change slowly after meeting husband number three in the little diner she worked. She was really impressed by his charm and handsomeness. In the beginning Stephen Morton was actually caring and then everything changed the day she married him. He deluded my mother with his charm, because the so called charm was the perfect cover for the monster he really. A monster that wasn't afraid to manipulate or to use violence to get his way.

When I look back at my mother I see her watching Christian who is still standing at the car. His hands in his pockets.

"Christian?" Pushing himself from the car he walks with his usual poise towards us.

"Mrs. Adams, Mr. Adams." He says extending his hand to greet them.

"Christian, good to see you again." Bob says clapping his shoulder. "And please, just Bob."

I am surprised that my mom doesn't tell him to call her Carla, because if there is anything she hates it is to be called ma'am or Mrs.

"Come in, kids." My mother says after a few beats. "Can I get you something to drink? Or to eat?"

She says making her way to the kitchen. _Eat? No thank you, mother._

While my mother and Bob are in the kitchen preparing the drinks I take a look around. It has been probably more than a year since I last came to Georgia. And that's when I notice the moving boxes.

Fear grips my heart. Is she divorcing Bob?

"Mom, why…why do you need the moving boxes?" I am sure that my mom can sense my nervousness and that she can hear the little tremor in my voice. Her smile, no matter how bright, does nothing to sooth my nerves.

I gasp remembering that they should have been on vacation right now. "And what about your vacation?"

Bob simply smiles and looks at my mother. "Oh Ana, it is so exciting!" My mother squeals. "We actually cancelled our vacation!" _What's exciting about that?_

"Why would you cancel your vacation? You always wanted to travel to Europe." God, this is confusing.

"Mom…"

"We are moving, Anastasia…to Seattle."

 _What?_

"But you love it here." I say too dumbfounded to even react properly. "You love this house." I say looking around me. "And Bob's father lives here in Georgia."

"Well Bob just got promoted and we are moving to Seattle!" She is bouncing up and down in her seat, clapping her hands in excitement.

"Wait…so you are leaving Georgia and moving to Seattle?"

My mother nods enthusiastically. I slowly turn to look at Bob for confirmation. He smiles and nods his head. _Thank god they are not getting a divorce._

"OH my god mom! You are moving to Seattle?"

"That is why we decided to cancel our vacation. We need to start looking for a house since Bob starts his new job in February." My mother is talking at rapid speed and I can see by the tears in her eyes that she is ecstatic. And honestly, so am I…

 **Christian**

"Christian…Christian, are you awake?" Inwardly I laugh at Ana's cuteness. I just heard her door opening and closing and the tiptoeing in the hallway…then the slow opening of my door when she peeked her head in. With her hair in a braid and some weird pajama's I have never seen before, she is standing by my bed nudging my shoulder. Her face awfully close to mine.

Just to tease her a little I keep my eyes closed. But even with my eyes closed I can imagine the little V between her brows.

"Christian…" Another little nudge. Quickly I open my eyes, grab her tiny waist and throw her on the bed. She squeals and her eyes get big and fearful as she places her hand over my mouth. _Why is she covering my mouth?_

"Shit…" She giggles. "You scared the shit out of me and you have to be really quiet." She looks at the door and then back at me.

"But you once told me that your mother is practically deaf."

"Do you want her to come in here with her gun, Christian?" She answers indignantly.

"No…" I mutter. "Hey, what are you doing?" I watch as she shoves me to the side and crawls under the covers with me.

"I am sleeping with you." She says rolling her eyes.

"But what if your mother finds out?"

"I am a twenty five year old woman…besides, she is deaf…deaf as a post…" She sighs and her hand finds her way under my shirt where she slowly starts rubbing my nipple.

"Let's make out." I feel her tongue tracing the shell of my ear as her hand slides down. _Hell yeah._

* * *

Making sure that Ana is sound asleep, I carefully I sneak out of the guestroom and make my way downstairs. I don't know if it due to the strange surroundings or the fact that I can't wait to get Ana to New York, but I can't seem to sleep.

The living room is empty and so is the kitchen. So after grabbing some sweet tea, the only thing, according to Ana, Carla is able to make, I walk to the porch.

"Hello Christian." _Well shit. Carla._

"Hello Mrs. Adams." I hesitate in the doorway, but decide that it is better to get this over with. Shoving the chair a little bit further away from Carla I sit down.

"Can't sleep?" She asks after a while. There is a small smile on Carla's face when I finally find the courage to lock eyes with her. Although behind those hazel eyes is something fierce and scary going on. I return her smile, telling her without words that I know exactly what's going on.

"There are women who say that a daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend. I call bullshit on that." Carla starts. "First and foremost Ana is my daughter and words are not enough to express the unconditional love that exists between us."

"When I got pregnant with Ana, my parents threw me out. They didn't accept Ana's father so they made me choose between my child and them. No matter how hurt I was by their rejection, it never crossed my mind to terminate the pregnancy. I loved Ana from the moment I knew I was pregnant." There is a little sniff and from the corner of my eye I see her wiping her tears away with her sleeve. "And so was Frank…he was so happy." Her voice breaks and I can't even begin to image what she had to go through when he died just one day after Ana was born.

She takes a few minutes to compose herself. Not once does she look at me. Every now and then she takes a sip from her drink, but keeps her eyes forward.

"The most difficult part in a mother-daughter relationship is when you see your child make wrong choices in life. As a mother I can guide her, give her advice, but at the end of the day, I will always be here to comfort her and I will try to be her strength in helping her to face all the problems that come her way. That beautiful, caring girl sleeping upstairs is my everything. Her smile, makes me smile and her hurt makes me hurt." Carefully she places her empty glass next to her and turns to look at me.

"Ana probably told you about Stephen Morton." She says but continues without awaiting my answers. "He was vile. And it was me who put my daughter in harm's way when I pulled her away from Montesano to Vegas. I will never forgive myself for that. The moment I found out what his intentions where I put her on the first plane back home. I needed to protect her. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but I needed her safe. And I knew she would be taken care of with Ray. After I divorced _him_ I promised myself that from that point onwards I would always put my child first. I missed her. I missed her so much. But I knew she was happy in Montesano living with Ray. So I put her happiness before mine. She cried so much that day…she wanted to stay with me, said that she could help me, because you see, that's Ana for you. She will always put others before herself. However, as her mother I need and want to make sure that she is safe, happy and cherished. She deserves the best." She pauses again.

"You hurt my daughter, Christian Grey. You hurt her badly. She went from a happy, carefree young woman to a sad, bitter and angry one. True to her nature she made it work. She left for England, took care of this adorable little girl and then put her entire focus on becoming a photographer. She got her determination from her father." She says wishfully. "Everything Ana does, she does full…when she loves she loves fiercely. This brings me to the conclusion of my little story." Carla turns her face and looks at me and then slowly rises from the rocking chair.

"I want to show you something." She says softly. We enter the house and pass the kitchen, a long hallway and then she opens a door. She enters, waves her hand with a flourish motioning me to step in and closes the door behind her the moment I have set foot in the room. _Holy mother of shit._

"This is my favorite room in the house. Ana loves books…I love firearms." Slowly she makes her way to a desk and gracefully sits on a brown leather chair. "Please sit, Christian." I swallow and when I look around me and see the build in cabinets filled with guns, I decide to placate her.

"On Ray's advice I took some defending classes after I divorced Morton. He also advised me to take some shooting lessons. And I loved it. It turned out I was really good at it." She smiles and even though it is a genuine smile it send shivers down my spine.

"I even obtained a license so that I was able to purchase and possess firearms." Her face goes from relatively happy to downright serious. _Well fuck._

"I am an excellent shooter. My specialty is a moving target." Her eyebrows rise. _Yup, got it._

"Let me make you one thing perfectly clear, Christian. I am not impressed by your wealth or status. The security you have tailing behind you don't scare me either. If you ever hurt my daughter again, I will make sure to hurt you. Your body will never be found." _Okay._

"Mrs. Adams, I love Anastasia. It is not my intention to hurt her again. I will have to live with what I did to her and the hurt I caused her for the rest of my life. Just like you I want her happy." _I even intend to marry her, rather sooner than later._ I don't say the last part out loud, because shit no fucking way I am mentioning the word marriage while I am surrounded by firearms. "Your message was received loud and clear. You love your daughter and don't want to see her hurt again." I point my chin towards the cabinets but don't take my eyes off of her.

"Good. I am glad we got this out of the way." She rises from her seat and fucking grateful I rise from mine and make my way to the door. _I want out of this fucking room._

"Oh and Christian?" Carla is looking at me in that scary way again, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, Mrs. Adams?"

"I am not deaf." While Carla makes her way back to the porch I hear her mumbling something under her breath. I decide to ignore it.

 **Anastasia**

I am stunned at my mother's transformation. Yesterday when we went to bed, her attitude toward Christian was cold and reserved. She even made it perfectly clear that Christian and I were not allowed in sleeping in the same room. Something that my mother never made a fuss about. And now not even eight hours later, she is walking around like a mother hen, happy as can be.

"Ana, you need to eat." My mother scolds looking at my still empty plate.

"I am not really that hungry, mom." I squirm in my seat when I see two sets of eyes staring back at me.

"Oh for crying out loud, Anastasia." My mother huffs clearly annoyed by my attitude. "Bob made the pancakes and the waffles." I stifle a giggle and look at Christian who is avoiding looking at me. _Wise. Very wise._

"So, when are you planning on going to Seattle?" I ask forking a piece of pancake.

"We are leaving tomorrow." She says matter of fact. _What?_

"But it is almost Christmas, mom." I look at Bob who simply shrugs.

"It is two days until Christmas, Anastasia. And the Grey's were so kind to invite us to spend Christmas with them."

"When did you speak with the Grey's?" I cast a glance at Christian, but he seems as surprised as I am.

"When I couldn't reach you, Ana. I called Mathilda and she told me you were at Bellevue. So I called the Grey's and Grace picked up the phone and well you know how that goes, I explained the reason for my phone call and the next thing I knew we were planning Christmas dinner." _Oh God._ I somehow need to warn Grace about my mother's cooking skills.

"Where are you staying?"

"The company where Bob works provides temporarily housing until we find something permanent. However Grace very kindly offered us to stay at their place for the coming week."

"And what are your plans for Christmas?" I can hear that she isn't all too pleased that we aren't spending Christmas together.

"We are going to stay in Christian's apartment." I shrug feeling extremely shy all of a sudden. "And then we have Peter's exhibition on New Year's eve."

"Meaning you could have easily spend Christmas in Seattle." She says nonchalantly. She is good, I'll give her that.

"We could have, but we decided not to." I say a little brusquer than intended.

"I am sorry." She says holding her hands up in surrender. I give her a small smile thanking her silently.

"What's that picture?" Christian says pointing to a huge picture on the wall. "I don't think I have ever seen it before." Rising from his seat he takes the few steps to take a closer look to the incriminating picture of a six year old Ana. I shake my head when I see Christian's shoulders shaking lightly due to restraining his laughter.

"Oh! Did I never tell you that story?" My mother says smiling brightly _. At least someone is excited_. I groan and bury my face into my hands, knowing exactly what's to come.

"When Ray and I discussed buying Ana a bike for her fifth birthday, we discussed that she would be much better off with a small bike with no pedals. But little Anastasia Rose Steele simply refused. She crossed those skinny arms in front of her chest and told us that she wanted a real bike, with pedals."

My mother pauses while she slowly takes a sip of her tea, which causes Christian's curiosity to increase. I take my time to look at my boyfriend and he looks hot with his hands tucked away in the pockets of his jeans and his head lightly cocked to the left. I love it when he looks carefree and happy.

"Anyway…we'd knew better than to buy little Miss Ana a bike without pedals, knowing how incredibly stubborn she was already at that age. So when she woke up on the day of her fifth birthday there was a shiny pink bike waiting for her in the living room. She was delighted. She kept jumping up and down and clapping those chubby hands in excitement." My mother nods her head a few times.

"Even at that age Ana was extremely clumsy, so we added a helmet, knee and elbow pads. I don't need to tell you that those weren't a luxury, merely a necessity." _Well thank you, mother._

I remember exactly how excited I was. That bike was exactly what I wanted; now I could ride with all the other kids in the neighborhood instead of watching them longingly from that freaking tricycle.

"Ana wasn't afraid on her new bike with training wheels, so soon she rode faster and faster and she was so proud of herself. She was constantly yelling 'mommy, daddy look at me!'

"But then those training wheels came off…because she insisted. She was a big girl, she said. And since she had Ray wrapped around her little finger he relented. Even though we knew that she wasn't ready. I mean we knew that the moment those training wheels came off it would just be Ana and her balance versus gravity." She winks at Christian who is wise enough not to laugh or say anything.

"Oh and she even named her bike." My mother shakes her head and smiles. _Oh god._

"How" Christian asks.  
"Ms. Sparkles." My mother is laughing now and wiping the tears from her face. Christian is laughing too his head thrown back.

"Anyway…" My mother laughs again. "Anyway, little Ana insisted to get those training wheels removed from Ms. Sparkles and that's exactly what Ray did. At first we could see that she found it scary. But like the brave little girl she was she got up the bike and…fell. The first time she brushed the gravel from her knees and the tears from her eyes and pouting she whispered 'I can do this', I am a big girl." My mother now looks at me and smiles affectionately.

"It was after a week that Ray had to hide Ms. Sparkles which he had re-named _Bonecrusher_ , due to the fact that Ana simply couldn't handle her balance, despite of all those years of ballet lessons. She broke her wrist and that is the picture we took when we got back from the hospital. Ana proudly holding up her cast and in the background Ms. Sparkles, also known as _Bonecrusher_." I think my mother's face is going to split in two from the smile she is sporting right now.

Christian slides back into his chair, across from me and gives me a little grin. "I would love to hear more stories, Mrs. Adams."

"Oh it's Carla, Christian…I hate it when people call me Mrs. Adams, makes me feel old." She waves her hand in the air and looks at me.

Then my mother continues telling Christian the story of the day I got my legs stuck between the little poles on the railing for the stairs.

Thankfully Christian's phone starts ringing and he excuses himself from the table, saving me from more gruesome stories about my childhood.

* * *

"Not one word, Christian Grey" I say as we walk in the direction of the car. Taylor dutifully waiting for us.

Inside the car Christian turns to look at me and then he smirks.

"I gave you a fair warning, Christian." I am failing miserably at sounding stern. We wave at my mom and Bob and the moment the car has rounded the corner Christian starts laughing. It starts with a little splutter, which he tries to hide behind a cough, but soon enough he is laughing so hard that he his holding his stomach with his hands.

"Oh fuck!" He wipes the tears from his face and when he turns to look at me he starts to laugh again.

"God, you looked so damn cute with that helmet lopsided on your head and those missing teeth…"

Playfully he grasps my chin between his thumb and forefinger and swiftly kisses my lips. "I didn't think it was possible, but hearing those stories your mom just told us, I think I love you even more."


	31. Chapter 31 - New York

**Chapter 31 – New York**

 **Christian**

"Are you excited to be back, baby?" I take in her face and smile just from the smile etched on her beautiful face. She nods vigorously, her eyes glued to the window.

"Where was your apartment again?" Her eyes glued to the passing scenery.

"Soho" She gasps and her head turns swiftly. Her eyes are huge as she stares at me.

"Puck building." I add and I can't keep the smile from my face.

"You bought that two story penthouse?" She asks. I shrug, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Do you know how many times I used to pass that building every day?" Her brow furrows. "When did you buy it?" She asks softly.

"Two years ago…"

She nods her head. "Weird right? Maybe we even crossed each other on the street." She says her eyes turning sad all of a sudden.

I snort. "There is no way I would have missed you, Ana."

Her eyes drift off to the passing scenery and she sighs. "I also lived in Soho…it is a building with a pink façade…it used to be a warehouse, built in the 19th century. They transformed it into very chic apartments." Blindly she reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers.

"Even though I am excited to be back, it is also weird." Turning her head to look back at me I see that she is trying to fight back the tears. "Hey, no crying okay? I understand that coming back here has to be difficult and there is nothing I can say that eases the pain of losing Peter. From what you've told me about him, he seemed like a fun guy…" I smile and I am actually proud of myself when I get a smile back, even though it is a small one.

"He was funny…and sweet" She says carefully. "But he drove us mad whit his Star Wars obsession…" She giggles. "He once coaxed me into watching the first three films with him…god, it was awful…I was bored to tears."

"But you watched them?"

"No I fell asleep." A blush creeps up her face. _Fuck, she is so pretty._ "He was an awful cook too." She says now smiling. "He tried, he really did." She whispers. "One time he surprised Adam and me with dinner. I can still remember the look of horror on Adam's face."

She is silent for a few seconds, probably lost in her memories, while Taylor drives his way through the heavy New York traffic.

Inhaling deeply she looks at me. "They were really like brothers to me, Adam and Peter." She explains. "From the first moment I stepped into that apartment, they treated me like a little sister." She is probably interpreting my silence as a sign of jealousy, since she is feeling the need to explain it to me again.

"I know."

The smile she gives me in return is bright, big and beautiful. Leaning forward she pulls at the lapels of my jacket until our lips are touching. "I love you so much, Christian." Her words and mostly the way she says it, go straight to my heart and…dick.

"I love you too, Anastasia."

After a quick peck on my lips she rolls her eyes and leans back against the leather seats. "Enough with the Anastasia already. I've had my share with my mom…"

"Did she give you a hard time?" Her fingers drawing little circles on the palm of my hand is soothing.

"A little." I grin

"But you are okay right?"

"Yes we are. We both love you and we both want you to be happy. Sure, she chewed my ass for a few minutes and then she proudly showed me her favorite room."

Ana laughs throwing her head back, her brown hair falling in perfect waves over her shoulders. "God, that room scared the crap out of me too the first time I saw it." She cups my cheek and then her eyes turn serious again.

"I'm glad you worked things out." Her eyes leave mine for a brief moment. "Without my mom…" She shrugs and her hand falls limb on her lap. "I don't know what I would have done or where I would have ended…especially after Peter's accident and the horrible time that followed."

 **Anastasia**

Sometimes I forget how wealthy Christian really is. To me he is…Christian, the guy I met at Harvard and not the billionaire CEO he is now.

He looks bashful while he gives me the tour of his extravagant penthouse. The foyer is spectacular with the marble floors and the large skylight. The great room is bright and completely surrounded by floor-to-ceiling windows giving a magical view of the outdoor space that includes an outdoor spa and yoga lawn. With my hand tightly clasped in his he leads me through the dining room which also has floor-to-ceiling windows and a fireplace. Next is the kitchen with a barrel-vaulted ceiling. There are five bedrooms and a humongous massive master suite that includes a sitting room, access to a terrace, two baths and an office area. Additionally there is a wine cellar, a library, a media room, and a gym.

I can honestly say that the almost 8.000 square feet apartment is breathtaking and a little bit intimidating.

"You are awfully quiet" Christian says leading me back to the kitchen.

"Well…" I laugh. "It is a lot to take in, but it is beautiful, Christian." His eyes bore into mine, searching my face.

Nonchalantly he shrugs. "Because if you don't like it, I'll sell it and we can buy something you like."

I feel my mouth open and close a few times, and there are a lot of things that are running through my head at the same time, but it somehow seems impossible to force them out of my mouth.

"I don't have any emotional connection to this apartment." Christian says waving his hand in the air. "It was simply a good investment." Tenderly he kisses my cheek and opens the refrigerator and takes out a bottle of champagne.

"I mean it Ana." He says filling two elegant glasses with the bubbly fluid. "I want you to feel at home and at ease and like I said it means nothing to me. Possessions, wealth, assets don't mean anything if you don't have anyone to share them with." He winks at me and hands me the glass of champagne.

"What do you want to do?" Christian is leaning with his forearms on the shiny, marble counter of the exceptionally tasteful kitchen. There is a small smile playing on his lips. My eyes dart from his lips to his forearms. _I could do a complete photo session of only his arms._ I would title it 'arm porn'

"Anastasia?"

"Yeah?"

"I asked you what you would like to do first."

"Would you mind modeling for me?" I blurt out.

"For publication you mean?" He looks aghast. _Did he just lost his mind?_

"God no!" I reply appalled. What the hell is he thinking? _No way in hell._

Smirking he rounds the counter and pulls me into his arms. "I would love it baby." He says between kisses. "But first food."

* * *

"Look, there is where I used to have breakfast most days." I say pointing at Balthazar. "The sour cream-hazelnut waffles with warm berries are to die for." I moan softly making Christian smile.

"Then we know where we are having breakfast tomorrow." He leans down to kiss my hair and I this incredible wave of happiness surges through my body.

"And where are you taking me now?" He says smiling down at me.

"We are going to eat at the Little Prince." I say matter of fact. "You are going to love it!"

* * *

"This is really good." Christian says taking another bite from his grilled octopus. "Want a bite?" He smirks while he cleans his mouth with his napkin.

"Gross…ugh no…"

"I like your ratatouille too." He says winking. With his fork her takes a bite from my plate and brings his to his mouth. This little gesture, very normal for most people makes me absolutely and deliriously happy. This is _us_. This is what we used to do back in Harvard. And it is so normal and so domesticated that it fills my body with calm and contentment.

"What has you smiling Ms. Steele? Are you high?" He eyes me over his wineglass.

"Not high Mr. Grey, been there done that… remember?" I say and immediately regret it the moment it leaves my mouth.

"I'm sorry" I stammer. "I…that was a stupid thing to say." Fumbling with the napkin on my lap I look everywhere but at the man sitting across from me. _Way to ruining the mood, Steele!_

"I was just thinking how happy this makes me." I wave my hand at the table and in between us.

When I finally find the courage to look back at Christian, his face is unreadable. The way he is staring at me is unnerving.

"I think you should really try the octopus." Christian says after a few beats. The playfulness that was just there a few moments ago is gone, though. Slowly he picks up his fork and starts eating again. He refills my glass of wine and simply points at my plate, raising his eyebrows. _Eat._ His eyes say. _Yup, playfulness is definitely gone._

I am momentarily stunned at his sudden change of topic and the fact that he didn't ask me about _that_ time. I mean we've discussed it, but I know he needs to know more. Maybe it is childish but I suddenly get the urge to cross my arms in front of my chest and not eat. And that is exactly what I do. Deliberately slow I push my plate away from me and lean back in my chair. _Bring it on Grey._

I see hurt passing his eyes and when he exhales slowly and looks back at me I know that I just pushed too far.

"I am trying here, Anastasia. I am really trying." He stops and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "You were right the other day when you said that I wanted what we had, that I wanted to jump back at where we left and I know that it is impossible. I know that now." He says emphasizing each word. "Flynn told me and so did Elliot." _He talked to Elliot about this?_

"I love you Ana Steele, I love you like I never loved anyone else before and I am trying here." Extending his arm he reaches for me and I don't hesitate, I immediately place my hand in his. "I know that you lived a life that I know nothing about…but something that I desperately want to be part off. I want to know everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. But I am also trying to figure out how to handle things without losing my shit every time you tell me something about those five years we spent apart."

"I know that you are trying" I say smiling. "We just take small steps okay?"

We are interrupted by the flirty waitress who asks if everything is to our liking. Funny though, that she only looks at my boyfriend. He answers her curtly without even looking at her. I want to grin, stick out my tongue and even flip her off, but the soft squeeze of Christian's hand against mine, makes me forget about the stupid waitress.

"As long as we keep moving." He whispers.

"I love you, Ana." He takes both of my hands in his and kisses them.

* * *

"That was my dad." Christian says as he climbs behind me in the gigantic bathtub. The bathroom is huge and beautifully decorated. The toilet is secreted from view. And the walk-in shower which is practically a room unto itself is concealed behind another wall. Like I said, this bathroom is bigger than the kitchen, living room and hallway in my apartment combined together.

"Elena is being charged with forgery, fiscal falsities, money laundering and human trafficking. She is looking at life imprisonment. She has also been denied bail." _I hope she rots in there._

"There were more charges, but I don't think I've heard my dad so excited in…well, ever."

"How are your parents doing?"

Taking a deep shuddering breath he buries his face in my hair and inhales deeply. "My dad is still mad and my mother started crying when I asked how she was doing." He picks up the loofah and lathers it with soap.

"It fucking kills me that she feels so guilty. She keeps saying that as a professional she should have recognized the signs."

I will never admit this to Christian, but a small part of me agrees with Grace. I never understood how a person as smart as Grace never saw how evil her so called friend actually was. But then again, pedophiles don't only groom the victim, they also groom the parents.

"He also said that I might need to testify as is Sebastian." I still my movements, considering what this could mean for Christian.

"I am not though…I am never testifying Ana." He sounds almost pleading. I turn around and settle between his strong legs. "You don't have to, Christian. They have enough evidence to put her behind bars for the rest of her pathetic life, without you testifying. And I am not a lawyer or a psychologist by all means, but I think that it would break Sebastian if they put him on a stand and let him rehash everything she did to him."

He nods absentmindedly his arms softly brushing along my arms.

"I'll talk to my dad." He sighs.

"Sebastian mentioned a little girl that also lived in the home. Her name is Emma…he is really worried about her, that's why at first he didn't want to stay with my parents. Since I don't trust Elena or the people she is involved with, there is now a security officer in the home. She is a retired military psychologist. She was the perfect candidate."

"How long does she needs to stay there?" I ask. My head still reeling over the fact that Christian somehow was able to arrange of all this in a time span of less than twenty four hours.

"For as long as it is necessary." He brushes with his thumb over my bottom lip, he is smiling but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Emma is five years old." His eyes briefly meet mine, full of sadness. "She was involved in an accident with her parents. She was the only one to survive and now she is suffering from PTSD. They all think she is mute because from the moment she woke up in the hospital she hasn't spoken a word…except to Sebastian. She obviously trusts him enough to speak to him."

"Just like you when your parent's adopted Mia." I whisper. He leans his forehead against mine and sighs.

"My parent's volunteer at that home several times a year. My mom goes every two weeks to read to the smaller kids. Elliot mostly goes when something needs to be fixed, but he always makes time to play a game of basketball with them. The kids go crazy when he shows up there." _I can only imagine._ "Mia has been in Paris but she also has been there a couple of times with my mom." Christian snorts and raises an eyebrow. "Even Kate Kavanagh volunteers…I don't know what she does exactly." He closes his eyes and exhales slowly.

"I never went, Ana. I tried…I really did, but I couldn't. It hit to close to home you know?" I nod my head, because I know exactly what he is trying to say. "So like the coward I am, I sign a big check and send it."

"You are not a coward, Christian. You did what you could do …"

"I want to go." He says totally ignoring what I just said. "I want to go and see what Elliot sees and what my mother sees. Will you go with me?"

"Of course." I nod my head eagerly. In my head I am already planning what kind of activities we could do with the kids.

 **Christian**

"I have always wanted to have sex outdoors." Ana says in between kisses. She is sitting on my lap in the great room and my hands still on her tiny waist.

"Balcony" Is all I say pushing myself of the couch and carry her towards the door leading to the open space. The cold filters in but we are both to aroused to even care.

We are on the thirtieth floor, but we can still hear the cars and the honking of horns below us on the street. I walk up to the edge of the balcony. I put Ana down and place her in front of me, stepping in close behind her and rub my hard on against her ass cheeks.

Since we both didn't bother to dress and are only wearing robes I immediately push it over her delicate shoulders where the white material falls at her feet. I knead her ass and brush my finger in between those perfect shaped cheeks. "One day, Ana, I am going to have all of you." I whisper in her ear. A shiver runs down her spine and I don't know whether it is from excitement or cold.

"Are you cold?"

"No…"

"Okay…I want you to close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you to." I whisper.

She nods her head once and holds on to the railing in front of her. My cock now extremely hard because I know how much she loves it to get fucked while her eyes are covered, having nothing but the sensation of sound and touch to focus on.

Bringing one arm over her shoulder, I lay my palm over one of her breast and squeeze it. I rub my fingers over her nipple what makes her sigh softly.

While still touching her breast I bring my other hand around and start rubbing her clit. Her head falls back against my shoulder while I keep rubbing and circling my fingertips around that perfect little nub. When her breathing starts to come out in harsh breaths I slide my finger in and stroke her clit with my thumb. I love it that she is so fucking responsive and so ready for me.

Her legs start to tremble, so I pinch her nipple and push to fingers inside, she is slick and wet, just like I need her.

She moans and starts grinding her hips against my hand. "That's it baby, ride my hand."

Releasing her nipple I put my hand on her hip, slowly pulling her perfect backside to me until her ass is tipped towards me. _Perfect._

"Remember, Ana, eyes closed."

She answers with a breathy yes and tightens her hold on the railing.

My fingers keep pumping in and out of her hard. And I want nothing more than to push my way in and fuck her hard. But I wait until I see her trembling become a little fiercer and she starts moaning softly from the back of her throat. _So fucking sexy._

Knowing that she is going to come any second I quickly remove my fingers, put my hands on her hips and slam forward. We both cry out at the same time the moment I enter her. I can already feel her muscles contracting around my dick and then she comes crying out my name. "Christian!"

I really wanted to go slow, but I can't. Ana makes me completely lose control.

Despite of the cold air I can feel the sweat breaking out on my forehead and the muscles of my back tensing from the force.

And there it is…that feeling that starts at my spine. I slam harder into her, knowing that this orgasm is going to be better than the last, because that is what Ana does to me. Everything gets better with her.

The pressure in my balls is unbearable, so I slam into her harder and harder. She whimpers and I stop my movements. "Fuck, am I hurting you?"

"God, no! Don't stop…" Briefly she lets go of the railing with one hand and pushes against my ass.

"Both hands on the railing, Anastasia." I growl. Surprisingly, she immediately does as asked and then I let my hand slide back to her clit, and start quickly rubbing my fingers back and forth.

"Christian…I can't…"

"Yes, you can, Ana…together we can…" I pant against her neck. I thrust in a few more times and we both shout at the same time. "Fuck!"

I am just in time to wrap my arms around her waist before she falls down. Taking the bathrobe that has been lying on the floor the entire time I pick her up and make my way to the bedroom. She is knocked out. Her head heavy leaning against my chest, her eyes closed. I probably fucked her into oblivion. When we finally reach the bedroom I carefully lay her on my bed and that is when she slowly opens one eye. "That, Mr. Grey." She grabs the bathrobe that I was still wearing and brings my face close to hers, our noses are almost touching…"was fucking amazing." Her hands fall away from my bathrobe and sighs. "Now I need wine." She smiles making her eyes twinkle with excitement. "But first…I need to clean up." Scrunching her nose she ducks under me and makes her way to the en-suite bathroom, swaying that delectable ass while she walks.

"When is our appointment with uhm…Doctor Flynn?" She yells from the bathroom. I hear the water running and then a few minutes later she steps out of the bathroom…naked.

I groan and let myself fall back on the bed covering my eyes with my arm. Shit I just fucked her…and it was good, amazingly good and already I can feel my dick twitch with anticipation.

"Christian?"

"Yeah?"

"Doctor Flynn…how late is the appointment?"

"One o'clock…"

"Good. That means we can sleep in." I hear her moving and I assume that she is now wearing her bathrobe again. A peek gives confirms it. _Thank fuck._

"Come one…show me the way to the kitchen. This place is so freaking big I'll easily get lost."

And somehow I believe she would.

* * *

"You know that you have the sexiest eyes I have ever seen?" Ana leans in closer, her own eyes drowsy from the two glasses of wine she has already drunk.

"So do you, baby."

"No, but really…you have really sexy eyes. The first time I saw you, I thought they were blue, but then when you approached me after your row practice I saw that you had the most amazing gray eyes. And do you know that they even change color depending on your mood?"

I smile at her, happy that she is happy. Carefully I take the glass from her hand and hand her a piece of cheese.

"Tell me about your first assignment" I ask her. She is laying on the couch with her feet on my lap.

"The first assignment for the agency you mean?" She acts nonchalantly but I can see the blush spreading from her chest to her face.

"Yup"

"You sure?"

 _No_. "Yeah, of course." Breathe in, breathe out, Grey.

"Well…uhm I remember being incredibly nervous. Here is was a rookie and I was supposed to shoot pictures from a model who was wearing nothing but a sheet around his body and I had to make it look erotic yet casual." She takes a deep breath and rubs her hands over her face. "I was surrounded by the entire crew and they were waiting for my instructions…" She snorts. "I didn't even know what to do…" She is staring at the ceiling and I don't know if I am that comfortable about her thinking about this naked guy. But she is just sharing with me what I asked her right? No need to be jealous.

"When the model walked in…I wanted to run…he was so comfortable in his own skin that he entered the set naked. He was very accommodating and sensed my nervousness…he made a joke and I finally managed to take the shoot."

"Is he a famous model?" I hear myself ask.

"It was Noah…" She whispers. She quickly continues talking but the only sound I hear is the beating of my heart and the rage pounding in my head. I think I am literally seconds away of combusting.

 **Anastasia**

Well that went better than I initially thought. When Christian asked me who the model was, I seriously considered of lying to him. But then I thought that it would be downright stupid. If he ever finds out that Noah was the first model I photographed naked he is sure going to think that I was hiding this for him on purpose. So yeah, his fingers tightened around my ankles to the point of pain when I mentioned Noah's name, and yeah…his face turned a few shades darker, and the popping vein on the side of his neck indicated that he was reaching the point of going completely nuclear, but…he didn't yell. Truth is that the first time I photographed Noah I was too nervous to notice _anything_. And even now my job is to focus on the art of making the photograph…meaning the lighting, shadows etc.

Rising from the couch I take a huge breath and strap the robe tighter around my waist. I look at the wineglass on the table and gulp it down for courage.

Finally after wandering around this cavernous penthouse for a good ten minutes, I find him outside, sitting on one of the chairs. He is broodingly looking at the astonishing view but I am pretty sure that the only thing he is seeing right now is 'red'.

"Christian?"

He doesn't look, he simply lift his hand. _Well okay._

"Can I sit with you?" I ask shuffling a step closer.

He shrugs. "I am not really good company, Anastasia." _Ugh…Anastasia. Here we go…_

I decide to ignore his childish attitude and carefully take a seat next to him.

"Talk to me…" I say after a few minutes of horrible silence.

He snorts. He opens his mouth as if he wants to speak, brushes his hands through his hair and shakes his head.

"What do you want me to say?" He says sounding morose.

"What you are feeling right now?" I ask carefully. Christian has his hands locked behind his neck and his shoulders are tense as is his jaw.

"I am feeling…insecure, fear, concerned and anxious. It's an all consuming, blinding, irrevocable fucking jealousy." His hands move to his hair where he starts pulling harshly.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way." I gently pull his hands from his hair.

He sighs. "You don't need to feel sorry Ana; I am the one who needs to feel sorry." Pinching the bridge of his nose he inhales deeply. There is a torment going on in those gray eyes when he looks at me.

"Can we please shelve this conversation until tomorrow?" He pleads.

"No" Rising from the chair I tug at his hand. "I want to talk about it now…we need to talk about this now, Christian. But please let's do this inside because it is freezing out here." He looks shocked but follows me anyway.

"I understand your feelings, Christian. I really do." We are back on our spots on the couch.

He is staring at the fireplace with a sullen expression on his face. I sigh and tap with my foot against his leg to get his attention.

"Will you please look at me, Christian?"

I want to strangle him when he closes his eyes and slowly turns his head to look at me. I know that inwardly he is rolling his eyes and fuck if that doesn't piss me off. His facial expression is not the one of my loving and kind boyfriend though. No, I am looking at Christian Grey, the CEO.

"I don't want you to do nude photography anymore." He says.

I blink my eyes a few times. "What?"

"You heard me, Ana. Besides it wasn't a question." He says coldly. When I don't reply immediately he crosses his arms in front of his chest and cocks his head to one side. "Or are you adding now deaf onto your list of shortcomings? Clumsy and deaf, Ms. Steele?" _List of shortcomings?_

I clear my throat to push the tears away. I almost forgot that angry, Christian is also a very mean and hurtful Christian. _I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry._

"No, I am not deaf." I say shaking my head. I am really at loss at the moment. I thought that he was trying. I thought that he talked to Flynn and that he didn't want me to feel suffocated and that I could discuss everything with him.

I think I briefly see a hint of panic flashing in his eyes, but it is gone before I can really register it and is replaced by his cold and arrogant stare. As he holds my gaze I am certain that I am not the one who can fix his trust-issue. The only thing I am able to do is give him my trust and support. He will have to deal with his issues on his own and with the help of his therapist. However, I am not sure how to handle this. Because instead of loving him right now, I want to yell at him. I want to ask him if he thinks I am stupid. List of shortcomings? Does he really see me like that?

"Maybe I should go to bed." I whisper. "You were right, we should discuss this tomorrow."

"I don't think so, Ana. You wanted to talk…so now we are going to talk." He fills my glass with wine and hands me my glass.

"Drink…you get more talkative when you drink." He even has the audacity to smirk at me and all of a sudden I don't find him that attractive anymore. I don't think I even like him right now.

Deliberately I place my glass back on the table and stare into those stubborn eyes.

"Trust is non-negotiable in a relationship, Christian." Slowly lifting my head I meet his eyes. The coldness is gone now; instead there is an incredible annoyed expression on his face.

"And you have some mayor trust-issues and I am not sure you want to give me _your_ trust."

"This has nothing to do with trust, Ana." He says quickly.

"It has everything to do with trust, Christian. You just told me a few minutes ago that you felt anxious, fear, concern and with those feelings you start doubting yourself and maybe even me. I know where your issues stem from and that is why I want to be here to support you. However there is a difference between trust-issues and emotional abuse. It is one thing for you to be worried that I will leave you and break your heart. But telling me what I can and cannot do is an entirely different thing and something I won't give you control over. My goal is to get to a place of equal-footing, Christian; I am not your doormat." I say softly. I close the distance between us and place my hand on his but he immediately pulls his hand back. He takes a deep breath and straightens his body.

"If you think I am going to let you photograph and ogle other men's junk, than you have finally lost your fucking mind. Not going to happen, Anastasia." He growls while he pushes himself from the couch.

"I am going downstairs to the gym for a few hours. Go to sleep and don't wait up for me." He says without even looking at me.

Before I even have the chance to ask him not to walk away he has already disappeared from the room.

 _Oh God, Christian. What am I going to do with you?_


	32. Chapter 32 - Bent not broken

**Chapter 32 – Bent not broken**

 **Christian**

"What the fuck, Taylor!"? I bark at him when I see him entering the gym. Didn't I tell him where I was and that I wanted to be alone? I adjust the settings on the treadmill and ignore him. I fucking hate the treadmill. It is boring as fuck and it feels unnatural. Running on the treadmill doesn't offer me the satisfaction as running outside, but no fucking way I am leaving the apartment right now. Taylor doesn't even look surprised at the bark in my tone. He only squares his shoulders and widens his stance.

"I just received word from Barney about Ms. Steele's laptop."

"Who was it?"

"We don't know, Mr. Grey. Barney said that it was untraceable."

The grim expression on Taylor's face tells me there is more and that I am not going to like it.

"Barney also found photographs on Ms. Steele's laptop. They were all pictures of Ms. Steele. We assume that those pictures were taken by the person who hacked into her laptop and was trying to send her a message."

"What kind of pictures, Taylor?"

"There are pictures of Ms. Steele with different gentlemen." _Different guys? Fucking hell!_

"Where are those fucking pictures, Taylor?"

"Staff quarters, Sir."

* * *

The fucker did this on purpose. He somehow put pictures that he made of Ana on her laptop with the intention for her to find out. But why?

There are more than hundreds pictures from Ana. Most of them are from her alone. Ana drinking coffee, Ana walking around in New York, Ana sitting on a bench in Central Park. There are also pictures of Ana with Adam and Peter, who I recognize from the pictures she has in her apartment back in Seattle.

And then at the bottom of the pile I find a picture of her and a group of people. I zoom in on Ana and she is smiling to no one other than Noah fucking Storm, the model extraordinaire. _Fucker._ He has his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulders while he is talking with the people standing with them. The next picture is another one of Ana and Noah and in this one he is kissing her forehead. _Damn. Fucking. Damn._

Fuming I throw the pictures to the side. This is not about my fucking jealousy. Right now we have to find out why this person has all these pictures of Ana. And yet, as hard as I try, the anger, the jealousy, is still there…she was with another man. She was holding hands and looking at him and smiling. She let him kiss her, touch her. He was the first naked model she photographed and now she wants to continue with those fucking naked shoots? Over my dead fucking body. She can go make photos of birds for all I care, but she isn't doing naked shoots anymore.

"Sir. There is more." Taylor says pulling me from thoughts.

"More?"

While he takes a deep breath of air, Taylor hands me another stack of photos. These are all close-ups of my beautiful girlfriend, but what upsets and angers me the most, is the word WHORE typed on every one of the pictures.

"These are recent photos, Taylor!"

"I know, Sir, but…"

"No fucking buts, Taylor. Why the fuck does she has Sawyer with her at all times when things like this happen."

"Because you hadn't assigned Sawyer to Ms. Steele at the time, sir. Some of those photographs are before you and Ms. Steele got together and the last ones are when they had the dress fitting for Ms. Kavanagh's and Mr. Grey's wedding."

"Is that my sister with her?"

"Yes" _And she is fucking smoking? My little sister smokes?_

"How is this possible!" I growl. "I want you to go to the bottom of this, Taylor. I don't care what you have to do, but I want this motherfucking piece of shit found! I want you to find out about his obsession with my girlfriend." I turn around as I watch Reynolds and Ryan entering the staff quarters.

"Get me Barney on the phone now and put him on speakerphone!"

"Sir…Mr….Mr. Grey. You wanted to speak with me?" I roll my eyes at Barney's stammering. _'Baby, where are you going? Come back…we weren't finished playing yet."_

My head snaps up when I hear the female voice. What the fuck is that?

"I am…I am sorry Mr. Grey." I am still too stunned to react and when I look at Reynolds and Ryan they are high fiving each other.

"Mr. Grey?"

"Barney…who the fuck was that?" I shouldn't ask…hell I shouldn't even care, but Barney with a woman that I have to know.

"Sir…that…that was…that was… Diana." I hear a few snickers and when I look up I see Ryan handing Reynolds a twenty dollar bill. I raise my eyebrow at them but they simply shrug. They quickly straighten their shoulders and place their hands behind their backs when they see Taylor giving them the evil-eye. _Interesting._

"What did you find out about Ms. Steele's laptop?" I hear a door closing and the squeaking of a chair.

"I can't find the source of the attack on Ms. Steele's laptop, Sir."

"Explain."

Barney clears his throat. "The attacker spoofed the source field to make it seem like it's coming from someplace it is not."

"Barney, what the ever living fuck is spoofed?"

"Changed, Sir. Spoofed means changed." _Christ._

"Anyway, the attacker used a virus, worms and other malware to take control of Ms. Steele's laptop. He created a network of botnets…" I roll my eyes.

"Botnets are 'zombie' computers, Mr. Grey." _Right._

"Continue, Barney."

"Like I was saying, the attacker used a botnet to attack Ms. Steele's laptop. This results that the attack appears to come from a particular computer, but it doesn't mean that the attack originated at the device."

"How did this attacker get into Ms. Steele's laptop to begin with?"

"Hacking into a computer, once you know the basics, is like stealing candy from a baby, Mr. Grey."

"There is something else, Mr. Grey."

"What?"

"When I finally managed to access her laptop, a very disturbing message appeared on the screen."

I can literally feel my heart pounding against my chest.

"What did the message say, Barney."

"It said; I am watching you…"

Uncontrollable, overwhelming rage is filling my body at the moment. Someone is watching my girl and the fucker is cocky enough to play with her head.

"I want you to keep digging. I don't care how many resources you need, Barney."

"I am on it, Sir."

After hanging up on Barney I give Taylor back his phone. He is just attempting to put his phone back in his pocket when it starts buzzing.

I watch Taylor's brow furrow when he stares at his buzzing phone. "Taylor" He answers while his eyes nervously dart to mine.

"Yes, Ms. Steele. One moment please."

"Sir, Ms. Steele would like to speak with you."

"Ana?"

"Hi…look I just wanted to say that I am going out for a little while. Adam just called me and he and Maggie just checked into their hotel and they asked if we wanted to join them for a drink. I am going alone though." _She's leaving?_

"I don't think that is a good idea, Ana."

"Well how shocking it may sound I wasn't asking your permission, Christian. I am telling you that I am going for a drink with Maggie and Adam. I was able to find Sawyer and he is going with me. They are staying at the Soho Grand-Hotel. Don't wait up for me, go to sleep, Christian."

"Ana…" But then there is nothing, she hung up the phone.

"She hung up on me." I mutter looking at Taylor.

"Anything funny about that, Taylor?" I ask when I see him fighting a smile.

"No, Sir. Not funny." He says shaking his head. _Yeah right._

I sigh and throw the phone on his desk. "Reynolds go with Ms. Steele and Sawyer."

"I don't want Ana to know about all of this." I say waving my finger at the photographs. She is paranoid enough already with the Elena shit. I don't want her to feel even more scared now.

"Sir, if I may speak freely?" Taylor says taking a step forward.

I wave my hand in the air for him to hurry up. I need to talk to Ana. Stop her before she leaves.

"Maybe Ms. Steele has an idea who is doing this? Maybe you should tell her."

"I said no, Taylor. I have my reasons for not telling her. And both of you don't mention it either." I say looking at Sawyer and Reynolds.

They both nods their heads. _Good. At least they do what they are fucking told._

I find Ana and Sawyer waiting in the hall for Reynolds. Ana is smiling about something Sawyer just told her and she looks amazingly beautiful. She is wearing a black leather jacket and a dark blue, knitted beanie. _She looks lovely._

Normally seeing her and being in her presence soothes me, but now it just isn't enough. The anger I was feeling before is now turning into a boiling fury. Adam and Maggie invited us both and she decides to go alone. Add to that the pictures I just saw of her and Noah fucking Storm that now are front and center in my head, I am about to fucking explode. They were a couple.

My anger all about dissipates the moment she turns her head to look at me. The smile slowly fading from her face when she sees me stops me dead in my tracks. The sadness radiating from her body cuts right through me, but it is the distance and her body language that has me really worried. _I've hurt her again._

"Sawyer, I need a minute." The moment he disappears I take a step closer towards Ana.

"Ana, don't go." I plead. "Let's talk."

"Adam and Maggie are waiting for me, Christian. I am going." She says determined.

"Call them and cancel." When her eyes widen I quickly continue. "Or better yet, invite them here; you should stay home, Ana."

"Home? Home? This is not my home, Christian. This is your… house." She waves her hand in the air. "Home to me is where you are and you decided to act like a spoiled child and dismissed me. Do you know that it took me fifteen fucking minutes to find the security room?" She snorts. "But I guess that is once again one thing to add to my list of shortcomings…right? Clumsy, deaf and now we can add stupid to the list too." _Oh fuck._

"Ana, I am sorry I shouldn't have said that." _I didn't mean it…_

"But you did, Christian and you hurt me." She turns her head to look at Reynolds and gives him a little wave.

"Sawyer is outside, Reynolds." I bark.

"I'll be out in a minute." Ana sing songs.

"Ana…" I say in a warning tone. My hands shoot up to my hair and with a sigh she pulls them away.

"Don't pull your hair, Christian. I don't think baldness would look very good on you." I try to entwine our hands but the moment she notices my intentions she pulls her hand away and tucks it in the pocket of her jacket.

"Why won't you let me touch you?" I whisper. _Fuck, I am losing her._

"Frankly, because I don't like you very much right now." She says sadly. _She doesn't like me? What does that mean? She loves me right? And if she loves me she has to like me._

"You don't love me anymore?"

She rolls her eyes. "Really? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question?" _What the fuck?_

I clench my hands into fists making her roll her eyes again. "Stow your itchy palm, Grey. Because if anyone deserves a good spanking, it's definitely you." _That smart mouth._

"I love you, Ana. And I already said I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?"

"I want you to think hard about what you said to me. I understand your reluctance about me taking nudity pictures, and I am willing to compromise on that, even though it would be a stupid move career wise. However, I won't let you treat me like a piece of shit." Cruelly she spits out the last words.

"Trust and respect go hand in hand in a relationship, Christian." She takes a deep breath and turns her head away quickly wiping away the tears.

"Ana, I am sorry, I love you." _Please don't cry. Please._

"I know you do. I just wish you didn't have to be so cruel sometimes." She gives me a sad smile and turns around and walks away from me.

 **Anastasia**

"Wow, so you need protection now?" Maggie says eying Sawyer and Reynolds over the rim off her glass.

"Unfortunately, yes." I say and start to peel the label of my water bottle.

"I guess being a billionaire has its disadvantages."

"Maggie, can I ask you a question?" _I don't want to talk about billionaires right now._

"Sure." She says with a smile.

"When you started dating Adam and you found out that he did nude photography, how did you feel about that?"

"Oh my goodness." She breathes. "I have known Adam now for four years and I have to admit that when he first told me that most of the shoots he did was with nude models I felt really uncomfortable." She pauses briefly and gives Adam the biggest smile.

"Infidelity is not a concern at all but every time he has a shoot or when I see the photos, I feel a churning in my stomach. And even though I am not present for the shoot I often get to meet the model at some point briefly. The fact that the majority of them are really nice, sweet and friendly doesn't make it better either. And I know my husband treats them with respect, he is nice and friendly. You know from experience that when you give them good photos in a safe and respectful environment, they'll want to work with you again. It also means good testimonials to attract other models to work with you." I nod my head because that is exactly how it works.

"Have you ever thought about giving him an ultimatum and tell him to stop taking nude photos?"

"Oh god, yes! So many times, but I never voiced it out loud. I came to the horrid realization that the fact it made me so upset stemmed from my own insecurities and low self esteem. But I knew that when I started dating Adam that he was a photographer and it doesn't matter what kind of photos he is taking, it is his job, he is making money."

"Is Grey giving you a hard time, shortcake?"

"Yes, he told me that he didn't want me to do nudity sessions anymore." I stop talking when I feel the tears burning in my throat.

Adam whistles and gives me a sympathetic look. "I understand where he is coming from, Ana." My head snaps up and I pin him down with my stare.

"Wow…easy there tiger…I am just saying that if Maggie would have asked me to reconsider I might have been willing to stop doing nudity shoots. I only met Christian shortly, but he seems very possessive and protective."

"And intense…geez, he is like really intense." Maggie whispers. "And hot too…he is like the epitome of beauty…"

"Babe, I am sitting right here." Adam playfully nudges her shoulder.

She shrugs and entwines her hand with his. "I know, but you are hot too." Adam smiles at her, totally smitten. I think Christian would have blown his top if I would have talked about another man just like Maggie did. I guess it all comes back to trust.

"Does he know about Noah?" Adam takes a swig of his beer and raises his eyebrow.

"Yes, they met in Vancouver unfortunately and when he asked me about my first shoot I thought it would be best if I was honest."

"Oh yeah, you did the shoot at his brother's, right? Fuck, the guy is such a colossal dick." Adam growls.

"Well…" Maggie says her brow furrowing. "I don't think it was a coincidence that Noah was there."

"How would you feel if the roles were reversed?" Adam asks rolling his eyes at Maggie.

"I've thought about that." I admit. "And I don't know how to answer that question. What I do know is that my boyfriend is constantly surrounded by beautiful women. Some of them blatantly flirt with him and of course it makes me jealous, but I also know that he would never act on that. Christian isn't a cheater."

"Maybe he is acting like this because he doesn't have a clear understanding of what you are doing. And perhaps it might be a good idea to take him along to one of your photo shoots so he can see the professionalism involved."

"That might be an idea." I muse. I follow Sawyer movement out of the corner of my eye. He is talking on the phone. He has been doing that a lot since we arrived here one hour and a half ago. My eyes slide over to Reynolds. And even though their presence seems over the top and they both stick out as a sore thumb in their black suits and earpieces, I am grateful that they are here with me.

When Sawyer hangs up the phone his eyes dart to mine I am rewarded with a tight smile. That was Christian on the phone I am sure of it.

"Oh my god! That's my favorite song!" Maggie squeals in delight. She claps her tattooed hands in excitement and then automatically reaches for mine. "Come, let's dance, Ana!"

"Take Adam, Maggie…I'll watch you guys."

"You sure?"

"Positive! Now go!"

While I sit at the table, looking at Maggie and Adam dancing, I stifle a yawn. The enormity of the past few days is catching up on me and I would love to be in bed right now preferably cuddled against Christian's warm body. But no way am I going back to Christian… yet.

It doesn't matter anyway where I am because his words keep haunting me. I can understand his uncertainty and attitude towards me shooting nudity photos, but what hurt the most was when he mentioned my 'list of shortcomings'

My boyfriend thinks I 'come short'…well that sucks. I am not saying by any means that I am perfect, because I am far from perfect. Just like everyone else I have my flaws and shortcomings, but to hear that from the man you love cuts fucking deep. Did he mean it? I don't think so…at least I hope he didn't mean it. It wasn't malicious either. I know Christian and he would never hurt me intentionally. I think in his case it is more about losing control than about actually wanting to deliberately degrade me. I think this tells me more about his emotional state than anything else. _Yeah, well fuck his emotional state._

As I am looking around the small bar I see a guy sitting at the end of the bar. When he catches my eye, he raises his glass and winks. _Creep._

With my face as impassive as possible I slowly turn my head to watch Adam and Maggie. From the corner of my eye, I see the guy slipping from his barstool and heading my way. _Well shit._

However, before he even has the chance to approach me, Reynolds blocks his path.

"What the fuck, man?"

"I am going to have to ask you to leave, sir."

"I just want to talk to that hot piece of ass over there." He tries to catch my eyes over Reynolds's shoulder and winks again. _God. What an ass._

"I am not interested." I say and turn my face again.

"Sir, I am not asking you again." Reynolds says.

"Or what?" _Creepy guy asks._

"Look, I already said I wasn't interested. Just go."

"Bitch." He hisses. I flip him off and watch him disappear into the bar.

When I see Sawyer punching a few numbers on his phone I quickly make my way towards him. I place my hand on his phone and look at him. "If you are going to call Christian, please don't. Please Sawyer, you will only make things worse. Nothing happened."

Taking a deep breath he nods his head once. "Thank you, Sawyer." _Crisis averted._

A little sweaty but absolutely happy, Maggie and Adam sit back at the table and both take a healthy swig from their drinks.

"God, I don't remember the last time we went dancing." Maggie is beaming, her smile so big that I think her face is going to split in two.

"When was the last time?" She says now looking at Adam.

"I think that was on our bachelor party." Sadness passes through Adam eyes and when he looks at me he gives me a sad smile.

"Peter had a great night." I smirk.

Adam laughs loudly attracting the stare of a few bystanders. "Fuck, I will never forget the look on his face when the girl he had been flirting and kissing the entire night, turned out to be a guy instead of a girl."

"He even apologized to the guy and said that even if he was an exceptional kisser that he wasn't into men." I say laughing.

"He just kept repeating, dude I kissed a guy…I just kissed a guy…" We keep talking like this while Adam keeps me up to date about the latest gossip.

"I don't want to be a party pooper, but I am beat." Maggie says tiredly.

Lovingly Adam kisses her temple. "Let's go back to the hotel, baby. It has been a long day. Ana, do we need to walk you home?"

"No…" I say pointing my chin towards Sawyer and Reynolds.

"I was going to reach out to some of the guys for a get together after Christmas." Adam says while helping Maggie into her coat. "Are you game, shortcake?" Am I? I think I am but I don't know how Christian is going to react. _What the hell?_

"Sure…why not." At some point he is going to have to meet them right?

I check my phone and surprisingly there is only one text message of Christian. No calls. That doesn't surprise me since he knows exactly what has been happening, where I was, who I was with and what I have been drinking. He probably even knows the times I blinked.

 **White flag – Dido. I love you and I am sorry – Christian x**

I sigh and close my eyes. I love you too, Christian.

 **Bent not broken – Pink. Love you more – Ana X**

"How many times did Christian call, Sawyer?" I ask while we step back into Christian's apartment.

"Eleven times." _Just like I thought._

 **Christian**

Eleven times I've called Sawyer. Eleven fucking times. I know they are sitting at a table in the corner of this little bar called 'The Dutch'. I know that Ana only has had water to drink and that she hasn't left her spot since she arrived. It should make me feel better, knowing that she is safe, but it doesn't. I should have been there with her.

In the meantime, as not to go completely crazy and because I just can't help myself, I shoot my sister a text.

 **What the fuck Mia! Smoking? Stop it immediately.**

Her answer is immediate.

 **Fuck off, Christian. And don't type at me in that tone of voice. Love you too. XOX Mia.**

Three seconds after that I receive a picture of her hand giving me the finger.

A text from Taylor alerts me that Ana has returned to the apartment and is now sitting in the great room. It takes me a few minutes to get from the second floor, where my office is to the great room on the ground floor.

Quietly I enter the room. Ana is sitting on the edge of the couch holding a glass of wine, while staring at the fireplace.

"Did you have a nice time?" I ask. I keep my spot at the piano. If she feels like when she left, she doesn't like me, so I better keep a distance.

"Yeah, it was nice to see Adam and Maggie again." She says softly. And the sadness in her voice sends shivers down my spine.

"Did your workout help earlier? Did it help you get rid of your anger?" The fact that she isn't looking at me, worries me too.

I almost snort. Get rid of my anger? My anger is always there, shimmering on the surface, ready to come out any fucking second. I don't reply, simply because she knows the answer to that question.

"Is it going to be like this every time I share something with you, Christian?" _I fucking hope not._ But again, she leaves no room for answering. "Because there are a lot more things you don't know and I am positively sure that you are going to shit a brick the moment you hear them."

Forcefully she places the wineglass on the table and turns to look at me. "We might as well get it over with." Flippantly she pats the empty space on the couch and waits for me to follow her orders.

Since I started my own business, no one has spoken to me like Ana does. Sure, Mia and Elliot, but I don't take them seriously most of the times. But with Ana it is different. She cuts through all the crap and calls me out on my bullshit. It is annoying, frightening and enlightening all at once. I know now that I shouldn't have _forbidden_ her to do nude photography, but fuck, the idea of her taking pictures of a naked guy sends me into a fucking tailspin. Is it really that much too ask?

"Okay, so as a photographer I have seen a lot of naked men and women." She says matter of fact.

"The models always know what is expected of them during, before and after a shoot. When a model is changing I look away. If he or she is adjusting her or his wardrobe on set, I look away. Always, Christian. I don't gawk; I am not a freaking pervert. It is all about eye contact. I have never, ever touched a model during a photo shoot. That is unacceptable." Her voice rises a tiny bit.

"The first thing that Peter and Adam told me when I started working for the agency was that my intentions would always show in my work. My intentions have never been to objectify men or women. My intention is to make beautiful art. I have always and I mean always respected my models boundaries." I can see the annoyance growing on her beautiful, yet tired face.

"Then let me tell you the difference between naked and nude."

I snort and brush my hands through my hair. "Ana, nude and naked is the same." _Bad move. Bad fucking move._

"Not to me!" She hisses. Taken aback by her sudden anger I pull my hands up in a form of surrender.

"I'm sorry." I mutter.

"So, you keep saying." She hisses again. _Fuck._

"A naked body is exposed, vulnerable and uncomfortable and helpless. Whereas a nude body is powerful educated art, Christian." Her eyes are boring into mine. _Well, if you say so._

"The first day I did that shoot it was a cluster fuck. Like an epic fail of huge proportions. I was lucky that it was Noah and that he was…experienced. I learned a lot that day." She keeps looking at her fumbling hands. _Fucking Noah._

"I started planning things out. Sometimes the magazine required specific poses. I learned to make mood boards which detailed these poses one by one. I would ask the model to come one hour earlier and I would go over the mood board. I never do a shoot in a place where everyone can wander in. The doors are locked and if the studio has any windows, they will be covered. I had to do a nude shoot outdoors once and I had an assistant at a lookout. I always, always provide a robe or a towel for the model so that they can cover themselves up in-between shots or when we are taking a break. I want to emphasize it again, that I am always respectful. I never stare at them and I never touch them. When a model agrees to appear nude in front of me it is all about trust and I would never do anything to break that trust." _And there we have that word again…trust._

"Do you remember my bucket list?" She is really going to do this. She is going to share everything with me. _Well. Fuck me._

"Yeah."

"Okay…good. I did everything on that list." _Everything?_ Those things weren't so bad…

"However, I might have changed that list a little bit." She rushes to say. _Of course she did._

"I went bungee jumping in New Zealand. It is the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. They drove us up this freaking mountain in a four-wheel drive until we arrived at Nevis gorge. In the middle of that gorge hangs a cabin, which we reached by an open-air cable car. And I jumped." She briefly looks at me before continuing. She is challenging me, but really I am not that big of an idiot. I am furious at her. Furious that she decided to do something so dangerous. But my face is impassive and controlled.

"I saw the Maldives beach galaxy, I lived in New York, and I sold something I created." When I look at her and I see the joy on her face I can't even be mad at her. I mean I don't even have the right to be mad at her.

"You asked me about my first assignment at the agency. Well if you think that was bad, you should have been there when I did my first assignment as a free-lance photographer. I had just moved to Seattle and I got a call, they expected me the next day in a really tiny town somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Canada. I jumped online, made plane reservations and I even rented a car. I arrived the evening before the photo shoot and I got my rented car. They didn't lie to me when they told me that it was in the middle of nowhere…because as a stupid newbie I never thought of checking the gas in the car. I ended up stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night. I had no reception on my phone but luckily a truck drove by and he took be to the nearest town." She shrugs as if it is the most common thing in the world.

While staring in the distance she is biting her lip. "I think those where the things that would upset you the most." She stands up and brushes her hands through my hair. "Christian…Noah didn't mean anything to me. At first I thought he did, but I my feelings were confused. I wanted to though…I wanted to fall in love with him, but I couldn't. I couldn't fall in love with Noah or anybody else because it was you who my heart belonged to. I don't know if this makes you feel better, but he never did anything I didn't want to. He was always respectful." She takes a deep breath and cups my face.

"I never did anything to make you feel this anger and jealousy, Christian. You on the other hand…I have to deal with the images of you with other women. You shared the ultimate intimacy with them. They saw you naked and vulnerable. You touched them…"

"Ana…" I place my head on her stomach and close my eyes. She is right. She is fucking right.

"Please, please, Christian. I am begging you to believe me that I would never do anything to hurt you or betray your trust."

"Are we good then, Ana?"

She sighs. "Christian, we are far from good. Little steps...I guess" I swallow as I digest her words. Far from good, in my world, is not good.

"I discussed this whole nudity issue with Maggie and Adam. And maybe if there is another of those shoots, you can join me?" She says carefully. What can I say? I don't want to. I don't want to see her at work like that. I believe her when she says she is respectful, but still.

"Think about it." She says.

I nod and when I take her hands in mine with the intention to guide her to the bedroom she takes a step back. _Fuck, we are not finished yet._

Sitting back on the couch she wraps her hands around her waist and sighs. "Why…" She clears her throat and exhales. "Christian, do you really see me as someone with a list of shortcomings?"

"No…Ana…I…"

"Because that hurt."

"I know and I am sorry I should never have said that to you. You are perfect just the way you are." I breathe out.

She snorts and throws her head back. I want nothing more than to slide my fingers through her hair, but I don't think that is what she would like right now. So like the huge asshole I am I stay kneeling on the floor. I am completely at her mercy.

"I am not perfect, Christian. But I try to be a good person. And I know I am clumsy."

"I was jealous, Ana and I reacted because I was starting to lose control. In my world when things start to get out of control, I lash out and I shouldn't have done that. I am sorry. That was horrible."

"I already thought so, but let me tell you something, Christian. Healthy relationships are based on equality, respect and trust. Not healthy relationships are based on power and control." She reaches her hand out to me and I take it immediately.

"Come and sit with me, Christian, please." Don't need to ask me twice, baby.

"At the beginning, when my mother married husband number three, she easily would let certain things slide. She would say; 'he didn't really mean it' or 'it was just that one time' or 'he has been working really hard lately, Ana' she looks at me and I see her bottom lip starting to tremble.

"He was so mean to her. He said the most horrible things. He degraded her again and again, called her…" She sobs and buries her face in her hands.

"It's okay, Ana you don't have to say it…and I am sorry. I promise you that I am not like him."

"It started with insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation and then one day I came back from school and he was pulling at her hair…he was holding her hair in his fist while he yelled horrible thing at her, Christian. It was horrible seeing my mother was being hurt like that. Stephen Morton exerted his power and control by degrading my mother. When she finally divorced him and she came to visit me in Montesano, she was just a shell of a woman."

Releasing a breath of air she wipes the tears from her face and looks at me. "There is no excuse for that, Christian. It is disrespectful, demeaning and damaging. And I don't really give a flying fuck about your control issues, but the next time you say something like that to me again, I will leave you so fast that your head will keep spinning for a fucking month."

I nod my head thankful that she is here with me. _Fuck how many chances is she going to give me?_

"Do you really understand what I am saying, Christian?"

"I do. And I am sorry, Ana. You are right what is said to you is inexcusable. Because you are the most beautiful, bright, witty, talented and loving woman I have ever met."

"You forgot clumsy." She says smiling.

I feel myself blush as her blue eyes stare into mine. "I think your clumsiness is cute…I really do."

I lean forward to kiss her but I stop when she leans back. "What are you doing?" She asks looking confused.

"I was going to kiss you."

"But I am not finished yet."

 _Oh_. "Okay…" I lean back against the couch and wink at her. "I'm listening, baby."

"About my job." I want to tell her that she doesn't have to work ever again, but I bite my tongue. I don't think it would go over very well at this point and I think I would end up with her photo camera shoved up my ass. I just nod, telling her that I am listening.

"These last five year I lived my life alone. I didn't have to answer to anyone; I just did what I had to do. Mostly, since starting my job as a photographer it was going from job to job. I love my job, but I also need it to pay the bills. I know that we are together now and I already told you that if I was offered a new assignment that is out of the ordinary I would discuss this with you. Meaning, you don't get to tell me what to do or what not to do. You are not the one ordering me around, Christian. That isn't going to happen. Not now and not in five, ten, fifteen or fifty years down the road." _If she is thinking that far in the future that surely means that she isn't leaving me, right?_

"I understand, Ana. I shouldn't have said it the way I did." I clear my throat. "I think we still need to discuss it, because the idea of you shooting nudity pictures still makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Okay." She says softly.

"I have been thinking while you were out with Adam and Maggie." She smiles and rolls her eyes and then I see her raising her eyebrow at me. _What?_

"Hands in your hair again, Christian." _Oh fuck. I don't even notice anymore._

I stare at my hands on my lap and take a deep breath. "I think we need a safe word." I say cautiously.

"A safe word?"

"I hate fighting with you and a safe word would be a word we create to keep ourselves of taking things too far. You pick up a word and I pick up a word and that word allows us both to stop during a fight and ignore things for a moment. When you say your safe word we basically give ourselves the time to breathe and calm down."

"I hate fighting with you too, Christian. And I think that is a very good idea. Is there a word I need to use?"

"No, you can choose whatever word you like."

"I'll choose watermelon." She smiles shyly and shrugs. "It was the first word that popped into my head."

"I'll choose red as my safe word."

"Okay, so this means that if we are fighting and I want a pause, I say the word watermelon and we stop…fighting?"

"Exactly."

"Okay. Can we sleep now?" She stretches and yawns and slowly rises from the couch. _Sleep?_ _What about make-up sex?_

She shakes her head and snorts. "Forget it, Grey…so not going to happen." She pulls at my arm and playfully slaps my shoulder when I don't cooperate. "Come on, Christian. I am really tired."

Smiling has never felt this liberating. I really thought she was going to leave me for good this time.

"Ana, where are you going?" A little irritated she looks over her shoulder and points towards the door. "To the bedroom, Christian. Where else should we go to sleep?"

I laugh, because fuck, she is so fucking cute. "You are going the wrong way…"

"I give up!" She starts laughing too and she looks adorable.

"Hop on up, Ms. Steele. Your carriage waits." Giggling she jumps on my back and buries her head in my neck.

"Oh, Christian. What am I going to do with you?" She whispers with a sigh.


	33. Chapter 33 - John Flynn

**Chapter 33 – John Flynn**

 **Christian**

I wake up from a soft clicking sound. It is a constant yet comforting sound. I smile when I hear the sound that I love so much; Ana's giggle. Peeling one eye open I am met with the most beautiful view I have ever seen. Ana is lying on her stomach with the camera in front of her face. Her crazy bed hair is everywhere and with the sunlight invading through the floor to ceiling windows, she looks like an angel.

"Ana?"

"Good morning." She says happily. "Do you know that you have the most amazing eyelashes?" She gushes. She doesn't stop making pictures though.

"I do?" I ask bemused.

"Oh god, yes. And your lips…" She moans softly while she shuffles on her stomach looking for a different angle making the white shirt she is wearing to slide up her thighs, exposing her white panties. I smile at her and then shift to my side and lean my head on my hand.

"That's perfect!" There are more clicks and then slowly the corners of her mouth lift up in a beautiful smile. "Christian, please move your other arm to your head." I immediately react to her enthusiasm and do exactly as I am told.

"God, you are a natural at this." She keeps clicking away and awkwardly moving around on her stomach. "Now push the blanket a little bit down with your foot." I raise my eyebrow at her what leads her to pull the camera from her face after a few seconds. She looks worried for a moment and when she puts the camera down and bites her lip, I know for a fact that she _is_ worried.

"Does this make you uncomfortable, Christian? These pictures are solely for me…for us…I…"

"I just need a kiss first. I mean, I open my eyes and the first things I hear are orders coming from that perfect mouth of yours. I haven't had coffee yet, woman." Scrambling to her knees she launches herself at me and presses her lips against mine. She tastes like mint and coffee.

"How long have you been up?"

"For a while now." She replies frowning.

"I was even able to reply some e-mails."

"Something interesting?"

"Not so much interesting but I had another e-mail from Jack Hyde. He wants to meet me to discuss a possible contract."

"Are you going to?" I ask holding my breath.

"I would be stupid to decline him again, but it just doesn't feel right."

"Why?"

"It just doesn't. It feels like he is too eager to talk to me. I don't know I can't pin point it but my gut tells me not to do business with him." _Then don't._

"Can I give you a little bit of advice, Ana?"

"Of course." She breathes.

"In business sometimes it is good to rely on that 'gut feeling'." And that is everything I will say about this subject.

"I know and I haven't even replied to his e-mail yet."

Gently I take her chin in my hand and scan her face. She looks tired. "But you already had coffee?"

She nods smiling. "Yeah, first it took me ten minutes to find the kitchen, and then I had to deal with the challenge of figuring out that super expensive and extremely complicated piece of machinery, the coffee machine." She rolls her eyes and huffs.

"I mean really, Christian? All those freaking buttons for one cup of coffee?" I laugh.

"I have to admit that the coffee is really good, but damn the design is horrible."

"It was a gift from Ros." I make a mental note to tell Ros that she has a terrible taste in coffee machines.

"Well, thank god that she has a better taste in shoes than in coffee machines." She says throwing her arms in the air.

"You like her shoes?"

The blush slowly spreads over her face. "Of course. What woman doesn't love shoes like that?" Brushing her hairs from her face she shrugs shyly. "But really, I am too clumsy for such high heels." _You are probably right, baby._

Inching closer she slowly brushes her fingers over my lips. "You really have amazing lips, Grey." After a quick peck she crawls out of bed raises her eyebrows.

"Why don't you shower and I'll fix you a cup of coffee?"

* * *

The moment I step into the bedroom after the shower there is no coffee and no Ana. I find her a few minutes later in the kitchen dancing and singing. I stop to take her in. Her hair that she was wearing in this weird knot on top of her head when I woke up is now falling down her back in soft waves. It is so long that it almost reaches her but. _Beautiful._

I approach her and place my hand on her waist pushing my erection against her backside.

"Hi" She says hoarsely. "I was making breakfast. Cream cheese and avocado bagel." She turns around in my arms and licks a bit of cream cheese of her thumb, all the while she keeps her eyes are fixed on mine. I have never come in my pants before, but now I am dangerously close. The air is suddenly thick with desire as our eyes stay locked. I think breakfast will have to wait.

"I love seeing you in my clothes." I whisper against her lips.

"And I love seeing you in sweatpants." She whispers back without missing a beat. With a fluid motion I lift her on the kitchen counter and brush my nose against her jaw. Immediately she wraps her legs around my ass and pulls me closer.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you are, Ana?" Slowly without taking her eyes off me, she shakes her head no. "Well you are…"

With a flick of my fingers I open one button of her shirt. In the meantime I pepper her jaw and neck with little kisses until I have reached her breasts.

"I want you, Ana…" I rasp in her ear. I pull her hips forward to the edge of the counter and grind my erection between her open legs. I cup the back of her head. She moans softly in my mouth, making me impossibly harder.

Breaking the kiss she pushes against my shoulders and starts pulling at the hem of my t-shirt. I quickly pull it over my head and her blue eyes get dark and wide. "You are so hot, Christian."

"And you, Ms. Steele are seriously, beautifully perfect." Slowly I slide my hand between her legs and start rubbing on that little piece of fabric that is already hot and wet.

"Sir, a moment please?"

"Taylor!" I growl and pull Ana against my chest. I don't give a flying fuck about the fact that Ana has her back turned towards Taylor. Fuck. This is one of the reasons why I chose for different living arrangements in Seattle. _Privacy._

"A moment, Sir."

"Give me a minute, Taylor." _Now turn around and leave._

"Shit" Ana mumbles against my chest.

"I'm sorry…he wouldn't have interrupted us if it weren't urgent."

"It's okay." She gently pushes me away and hops off the counter. "Go." She smiles. "The sooner you go the sooner you'll get back."

She turns around and continues fixing the bagels. When I keep lingering there she turns around with her brow furrowed. "What are you waiting for?" I point towards my dick and raise my eyebrows.

"Aha…" Waving the knife in her hand a mischievous glance passes her eyes. "Think about your parents having sex." She giggles, gives me a playful wink and turns around.

"Thank you for putting that image in my head, baby." I cup her ass in my hand and after a gentle squeeze that has me longing for more; I make my way towards the staff quarters. My dick isn't a problem any longer. He didn't like the image of my parents having sex either.

* * *

"This better be good, Taylor." I bark entering the staff quarters.

"Sir. I received a phone call from Welch this morning. There was a package send to GEH addressed to you. Since the package was addressed to you, the mailrooms followed protocol and immediately send it to Welch."

"What was in the fucking package, Taylor?"

"Pictures of Ms. Steele." He replies and swallows.

Deflated I slump back in the closest chair while Taylor places his laptop in front of me. "Barney just send us the photos via encrypted mail."

With one click of a button I am confronted with the pictures of my girlfriend. Naked pictures.

Quickly I shift through the pictures and they get worse as I look through all of them. One thing I can say with certainty. The woman on these pictures is not my girlfriend.

"I also took the liberty to print them; maybe Ms. Steele is able to…"

"We are not involving Ms. Steele!" I growl. I shake my head and deep down I know I am making a mistake by not telling her. But she is already paranoid enough. I am not adding more shit on her.

"This is not Ana." I say throwing the pictures back on the table.

"Was the package delivered, was there a note?"

"No note, Mr. Grey. We haven't established yet how the package got into the mailroom. Welch is still looking into that."

"Are we sure it is the same person?"

"We are not sure, Sir, but there haven't been any serious threats towards Ms. Steele since your relationship became public knowledge."

Raking my hands through my hair I try to solve this freaking puzzle. The intake of air from Taylor sends shivers down my spine.

"Your father just called, Sir."

My head snaps up while my minds races thousand miles a minute. "Something wrong in Seattle, Taylor?"

"No, Sir. He tried to call you but couldn't reach you and he said that this news was to exhilarating to keep to himself. He needed it to share it with you." _Quit the fucking fairy tales, Taylor._

"I must have left my phone in my study yesterday." I mutter.

"Mrs. Lincoln is being transported to the Colorado State Penitentiary right after the holidays pending her trial. The Colorado State Penitentiary, commonly known as CSP is a maximum security prison. All the inmates are under solitary confinement and held in solitary cells on 23-hour lockdown. Inmates are only allowed out of their cells in shackles for one hour a day of isolated activity."

My smile matches Taylor's as I slam my hand on the desk. "That is indeed exhilarating news, Taylor!" I stand up and high five him as the door opens. Ana is standing in the doorway with a tray filled with bagels and milk. Thank fuck she put on some sweatpants and a hoodie.

"What is exhilarating news?" She asks her eyes curiously glancing from me to Taylor.

"Elena is being transported to a maximum security prison. Think solitary cells, shackles and only one hour or isolated activity."

Cool as a fucking cucumber she places the tray on the desk and straightens her shoulders. Then when she turns to look at me she jumps in my arms laughing and squealing. After a few squeals and almost chocking me with her arms she jumps off of me and walks towards Taylor whose eyes get big as Ana gives him a loud kiss on his cheek and a playful slap on his solid chest. If I didn't know that Taylor is completely and utterly in love with Gail I would completely lose my shit, but the way he looks at Ana is as if she were a daughter.

"Now this calls for champagne!" Ana says clapping her hands in excitement. "Why don't I get a bottle of champagne and you start with the bagels?" She says. But then her eyes fall on the photos strewn all over Taylor's desk. _Fuck._

"What's that?" All the enthusiasm has left her body. Her eyes, a second ago, smiling, are now wide and fearful.

"Ana…"

"Oh my god…oh my god…" Her hand flies to her mouth while she looks from the pictures at me. "Christian…how…when…" She closes her eyes tightly as if by doing that the image now burned into her brain is going to disappear. Suddenly she bolts forward and pushes the tray to the side.

With trembling hands she flips through all the pictures. "That's not me, Christian. That's not me…" She is shaking her head in desperation and her voice sounds panicked. "Christian, do you hear me? That's not me…no one has ever taken pictures of me like that…I would never do that." She is on the verge of a complete meltdown when I wrap my arms around her. It is just for a few seconds that she lets me comfort her when she pushes me away. _Fuck._

"When did you get these pictures, Christian?"

"Today." I answer.

"And why do I get the feeling that you are hiding something from me?" _Because I am._ What the fuck was I thinking by wanting to keep this from her? She is far too smart. She can see right through me.

"Ana, calm down please. Why don't you sit down?" Her eyes get impossibly bigger and she shakes her head determined.

"No, thank you. I'd rather stand." She says crossing her arms in front of her chest. The looks in her eyes is a mixtures of sadness and anger. She looks scary.

"Barney pictures on your laptop, pictures of you." I add quickly when she starts rolling her eyes.

"Pictures of me?"

"Various pictures of you alone and with… _friends_ while you were living in New York. There are also more recent ones from only a few weeks ago."

"I want to see them." I nod at Taylor who immediately retrieves a manila envelope from his desk drawer and hands it to Ana.

"You knew too?" She asks Taylor. He simply nods his head. "And Sawyer and Reynolds?" She asks now looking at me.

"They know too." I say.

She nods her head once and with a trembling hand, she pulls the stack of photographs out of the envelope.

"Are you able to give us an indication from when these photos were taken, Ms. Steele?" Taylor asks while Ana looks at the pictures one by one.

"These photos were probably taken a year to a year and a half ago." She says with a flat voice. "However, the photos with Noah…" She quickly glances at me. "Were probably taken ten months ago." She gasps when she sees the pictures with the word whore written on them.

"Why am I a whore?" She whispers sadly.

"There is more." I say clearing my throat.

"More?"

"When Barney finally was able to get into your laptop a message appeared on the screen, saying; I am watching you…"

Her shoulders slump and her bottom lips starts to tremble. "Who is doing this?" She asks to no one in particular. "And why?"

"Ms. Steele, do you know of anyone who might want to scare you." Taylor asks taking a step forward. "Is there anyone who comes to mind?" Ana shakes her head while looking through the pictures.

"No…I am sorry…" While she places the stack of pictures on the table she holds one in her hand and brings it closer to her face. It is one of the photos with Noah fucking Storm.

"Look…" She says pointing her finger at the photo. "We are standing in front of a window…" Her voice fades. "If I could enlarge this photo I might see something through the reflection of the window." She whispers as if she is talking to herself.

"Taylor call Barney…"

"Why?" Ana asks confused.

"To enlarge the picture?"

"I can do that. I don't need Barney for that." Throwing the photo on the table she stands from the chair and walks to the door. "I am going to get my laptop."

Twenty minutes later Ana still hasn't returned. "Taylor, in the meantime call Welch. I want the courier or whoever the fuck delivered that package to be found."

Ana is sitting in the bedroom on one of the chairs. She has her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin is leaning on her knees while she stares out of the window.

"Ana, what's wrong?"

"Other than the fact that someone has put a lot of energy and time in following me around for the last few years and taken pictures of me so that he or she can put them in my laptop, plus that this person took the trouble to manipulate pictures to make it seem as if I was posing for a freaking porn site and the fact that my boyfriend hasn't been completely honest with me…there is nothing wrong."

She sighs and turns her head to look at me.

"When did you find out about the laptop and the photos?"

"Yesterday"

"Before or after I left to meet Adam and Maggie?"

"Just a few minutes before."

"You should have told me."

"I know and Taylor explicitly told me to inform you about it, but I just wanted to protect you. After the little break down you had in Seattle after they arrested Elena, I didn't want to worry you more. I did it to protect you." And it is the god's honest truth.

"Barney can't trace the person who hacked into your computer. He said that the attacker…spoofed the source field making it impossible to find the source of the attack. He also talked about botnets, viruses and malware."

"You have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. Are you, Christian?" I almost fall down on my knees when I see a small smile.

"Not one fucking bit." I admit returning the smile.

"That's what I thought." Her smile grows bigger and that is my cue to slowly walk to where she is sitting.

With a side she lets her arms fall limp and rises from the chair. "Will you sit with me for a moment, Christian?"

Sitting in the chair I pull her on my lap and bury my nose in her hair.

"I am sorry, Ana. I should have told you."

"Are you still afraid that I might leave you?" She asks fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt.

"Moments like this, yes. I am petrified." I admit. "You keep saying that trust is necessary in a relationship and I know you are right, but somehow I keep fucking things up. But I promise you, that I wanted to protect you."

"I know." She kisses my chin and moves so that she is straddling me.

"I am not going to leave you." She says slowly. "I would only leave you if you would cheat on me and I know that you are not that kind of man." Closing her eyes she leans her forehead against mine and stays like this for a few moments.

"Please, just don't keep me in the dark anymore." She pleads softly.

"I promise."

* * *

I can honestly say that watching Ana work is one of the hottest things I have ever seen. She has Barney on speakerphone while they are discussing which software they could use best to minimize the loss of quality when enlarging the photo.

At first Barney was a stammering mess when Ana called him. Now they are talking about how they are going to spend the holidays while in the meantime Ana is clicking away like crazy.

I only takes thirty minutes and Taylor, Ana and I are looking at the perfect amplified photograph. The only thing that shows is the silhouette of a person. Seeing the broadness of this persons shoulder we assume that it is a man. He is also wearing some kind of hat.

"I had hoped that we could've seen his face." Ana sighs leaning back in her chair.

"Is there anyone else who could help?" Taylor insists.

"Adam might." Ana replies.

"Call him."

"He doesn't pick up the phone." Ana says looking at her watch. "They are probably still sleeping."

"Try again later."

She nods her head and her eyes dart to the pictures they send to GEH. "Those are manipulated." She says releasing a breath. "I mean it is obvious of course, but the next time you receive pictures like this, pay close attention to the reflection and the shadows." She says looking at Taylor.

"I know that there is software available, used by news organizations and law enforcement that helps evaluate whether an image has been manipulated." She takes a deep breath and takes one of the pictures between her thumb and forefinger.

"It is a shame though that we don't have the digital files, because then we could see the last piece of software used to save the image." She gives Taylor a tight smile and reaches for my hand.

The moment we are standing in the hallway I scoop her up in my arms making her squeal. "Now where were we before we were rudely interrupted?"

 **Anastasia**

I don't know how I had imagined John Flynn, but certainly not like this. John is friendly, gentle and patient…a trait that is absolutely necessary with a patient like Christian and he is handsome in a British-nerdy kind of way. I also absolutely adore his accent too.

"So Ana. Christian has told me that you lived in London for two years?"

"Not in London but in Haslemere." I say wringing my fingers in my lap.

"Did you enjoy your stay in Great Britain?" He asks. His eyes smiling behind his black-rimmed glasses.

"I loved it. Since I was a little girl I always wanted to visit England." I shrug. "The opportunity presented itself and I left."

John doesn't say anything he just stares at me with that unnerving smile on his lips. I thought that having a Skype session somehow would be easier, but it feels as if he is sitting across from me instead of in his office in Seattle. This is the first time in my entire life I've had a session with a therapist but we are only fifteen minutes into the session and I already have sweaty palms. Since I don't know what is expected of me, I give John, who is still looking at me, a small smile and clear my throat.

"So this opportunity as you call it." He folds his hands in front of his mouth. "That was because Christian left you right?"

"Yes, that's correct." I reply a bit unsure of where he is heading with his questions. Wasn't this session intended to discuss Christian's trust issues?

I will my leg to stop moving up and down. "Ana, can I ask you how you felt?" John is actually really kind, but at this moment the thing I want to the most is to snap those glasses from his friendly face.

I don't want to talk about that time. It makes me sad. The feeling of Christian's hand slipping into mine eases the anxiety a little bit.

"Ana?"

"I don't understand why we are discussing this…my feelings." Nervously is brush a few hairs from my face and sigh. "I thought this session was to discuss Christian's feelings." I say meeting his eyes.

"Trust me, Ana. We will get there in a moment." He smiles again and relaxes back in his chair. _He is in no freaking hurry._

"Your feelings, Ana? When Christian left you?"

"Humiliated, rejected, lonely, sad, hurt, confused!" My voice falters and I take a deep breath. "I felt unlovable."

I don't look at him and I don't look at Christian either. I know from the hold Christian has on my hand and the sharp intake of breath that he isn't enjoying this conversation either.

"You felt unlovable?" He asks not even sounding surprised. "How long did these feeling last, Ana?"

"A long time." I whisper. "During my time in England it was easy to shut those feeling down. I lived in a huge mansion and it was the housekeeper who was sixty years old, the butler who was the housekeeper's brother, the stable guy and myself. They were nice and caring, but eventually the stopped asking questions. But then I moved to New York and I really liked it. I befriended a few people but as the time passed I saw those people getting hooked up and some of them even married and I had been single for a very long time and I began to doubt myself. I really thought that I would never find someone who loved me for me again. I thought I would end up alone." _With cats, until the day I'd die._

"And yet you persevered." Flynn says after a few moments of silence. Yeah, what a good bottle of tequila didn't fix. I think sarcastically.

I nod my head once, still not looking at him. My eyes are fixed on the marble floor in Christian's office.

"Do you still feel unloved, Ana?"

"No. I feel loved by Christian, my parents, my friends."

"What changed?"

I snort. "My mom came to visit me in New York." I roll my eyes. "She told me that I had to start loving myself before I could love someone else. And she was right. Because at that time I was surrounded by love and still I felt unworthy of it." _There I said it._

I meet Flynn's eyes through the screen and I smile feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Flynn smiles back and closes the notebook that he had placed on his knees.

"Those are perfectly normal feeling after a breakup." Flynn says calmly.

 **Christian**

I feel like the biggest asshole. My heart is pounding against my ribs and the unpleasant feeling that has been residing in my chest for these last few days appears again.

Ana felt unloved. The most lovable person felt unloved and it is my fault. Because of my stupidity I made her feel that way.

"Christian you told me a few days ago that you felt unworthy of Ana's love and that she voiced that you had to start trusting yourself before you could start trusting her."

"But I do trust her." I reply softly.

"Right." John opens his notebook and places it back on his knees. Adjusting the ridiculous Harry-Potter glasses on his nose he stares at me for a few moments.

"Can you explain to us how you felt when you met Ana in Harvard?" _What the fuck has that to do with anything?_

"Please humor me, Christian." John says with a sigh.

"I was twenty when Ana and I met and my life didn't make sense. I felt frustrated because I'd never thought that love was in my future. Not only because I had been told repeatedly but because of my past. Who would want someone as broken and fucked up as me? But then Ana entered my life like a tornado and I got completely swept up in who she was and how she looked like…that was the first time in my life that I let myself get completely lost. I knew that if I wanted a chance with her, I had to let her in completely. Ana was uncomplicated, straightforward, steady, yet passionate and her love was unrelenting and it filled in the emptiness I felt within. Ana loved me completely and I didn't understand why. Why would she want to be with the son of a whore? Why would she want to be with someone who couldn't even bear to be touched? Why would she want to be with someone carrying so much fucking crap?"

"I asked her at least every single day why she loved me. And her only answer was 'because I do', but what Ana didn't realize was that I wasn't joking. I really wanted; no…I needed to know. Because I didn't understand. I didn't understand what she saw or what she felt or what she thought when she looked at me because when _I_ looked at me I didn't think I'd deserve someone to look at me with so much love and adoration in her eyes. Ana didn't realize it at that time and neither did I, but I needed that answer, a definitive answer that would convince me of the honesty of her love."

"You felt this way even though you've had the love of your parents and siblings since you where four years old?" Flynn asks.

"I always thought that my parents loved me out of obligation."

"Do you still think that?"

"No…I don't."

"What changed that?" He asks angling his head to one side.

"I told them my worst and darkest secrets and they didn't throw me out."

"Wonderful." He says and scribbles something on his notebook.

"Let's get back to the time in Harvard. Did you feel in control during the year you spend with Ana?"

I snort. "No, I didn't. The feelings were so unknown that I didn't know what to do. So I started to pick up fights with her."

"Why, Christian?"

"Because that was the only way I could control how the relationship would fall apart. I just couldn't believe in her love even when she told me every day how much she loved me. She was so fucking sweet and sincere and she did everything a person does when in love, except I always found reasons for her love to be false. I was simply denying her because I didn't think I was worthy of her love."

"Sometimes I watched her leave my apartment in the morning to go to her own apartment to change her clothes or to grab a few books and I would start to pace. I could stare at my books and not get any studying done, because all what I could think of was whether or not she was coming back. Every time it happened I thought it would be the last morning I would kiss her lips or see her face or feel her arms around me. I lived in constant fear that she would finally figure me out and that she would stop loving me, because I couldn't believe she loved me in the first place." Roughly I brush my hands through my hair and lock my hands behind my neck.

"I would replay the conversations in my mind to try and find that one thing that made her love me. The doubt was so deeply ingrained that I was sure that she would get tired of my doubts and my jealousy and I couldn't even blame her."

"When I asked Ana to marry me and she accepted I was elated. I couldn't believe that she would want to marry me, but if marrying her would ultimately make her mine than that's what I would do. But then I made the mistake in calling her father and I knew that I wasn't the right man for her. Ana deserved better. Ana deserved a man who could offer her the world. Ana deserved a man that was wholesome and not broken into pieces. So I took back control so to speak and I broke up with her, because, at least I didn't have to hold out some false belief that I was worth loving. It took me a few days to realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, but I was too late, she was already gone when I got to Montesano. And again, her father told me, that his daughter deserved better than me."

I pause briefly and that is when I hear a soft whimper coming from my left. Slowly I turn around and watch Ana wiping the tears from her face with her sleeve.

"I never knew that you felt unworthy of my love." She whispers. "I couldn't understand why you asked me repeatedly why I loved you. I am sorry that I didn't…"

"Ana." Kneeling between her legs I take her clammy hands in mine and wait until her watery eyes meet mine.

"There was no way you could have convinced me back then that I was worthy of your love."

"And now?"

I give her a small smile and scoot closer to her. "I know and I feel that you love me, Ana. There is no doubt whatsoever."

"What changed then?" She says softly.

"I have felt your love for me and seen it through your actions since we got back together." I snort and shake my head. "The fact that you gave me a second chance and that even though I keep fucking up, you keep forgiving me and trusting me, proves how much you really love me. Your feelings didn't even change when I told you my worst side even if I still feel a little broken; I can truly say that I feel safe with you."

Ana smiles through her tears.

"One day you will realize you are not broken, Christian. You will learn to look at yourself with love and kindness and you will believe in your own worthiness. I am never going to stop loving you and then one day you are going to realize how much you are worth loving and that you were never not worth it. One day you will realize that you are worth good things. That you are worth the love of your parents, your siblings and me, but especially the love of yourself. And when you…and when you really start loving yourself, Christian, you will be able to completely accept it."

We hear a little cough what makes me roll my eyes. _Shit I totally forgot about Flynn._

"Christian that was wonderful." He smiles and starts flipping through his notes. I wonder what he writes in there. Maybe a grocery list or…

"Christian I want to talk about your trust issues but more importantly how to deal with them."

I nod and reluctantly sit back down.

"We have already discussed that trust is a key element in developing a strong and lasting relationship. Everybody worries, but if those worries are misplaced they can have damaging effects."

He stares at me for a little while and continues.

"This is what I want you to try; to deal with you lack of trust is to address what is really worrying you. This…" He says holding his bony finger in the air. "Without being aggressive, accusatory or mean." Reading over his notes his starts tapping his pencil on the paper.

"The moment you need to address those issues with Ana I recommend that you start the conversation with an 'I feel' statement rather than a 'you' statement. Keep communicating, Christian and don't jump to assumptions."

He leans forward resting his elbows on his knees and gives me a little smile. "Let's start small and see how you progress."

I am ready to disconnect when he turns his face to look at Ana.

"Now I would like to talk to Ana. Alone."


	34. Chapter 34 - Surprises

**Chapter 34 – Surprises**

 **Anastasia**

"So Ana, how have you been doing since you got back together with Christian?" Flynn pounces the moment Christian leaves the room. He wasn't happy, that much I could notice. To be honest I don't know how I feel about this either.

"I've been fine, Dr. Flynn." He chuckles and waves his hand in de air. "John, Ana. Please call me John."

"All right, John." I say giving him a small smile.

"How did you feel when Christian told you about his job as an escort?" _Wow…he doesn't beat around the bush. Geez._

"Not many secrets can top that one." I laugh nervously. "But I don't know, maybe shocked? And I hurt for him that he had thought he had to go to that extend to earn his money to start his company. And then even after he had started GEH he isolated himself from his family again and I can't even blame him." I clear my throat and anger rushes through my veins as I think of how different everything could have turned out if Carrick would have believed in his son.

"I've accepted it though and I think that by moving past it helps building a significant amount of trust. Besides it is his past and that doesn't define who he is." I clear my throat. "I think I was more upset about Elena's involvement."

"Well, from what Carrick told me she is going away for a very long time. She can't harm anymore people." Flynn says smiling big. Slowly he pulls the glasses from his nose and places them on a table next to his chair.

"Ana, Christian has been keeping me up to date about the ups and downs in your relationship. He even called me last night, albeit briefly, but he told me that you've had another fall out."

"Oh…I didn't know." _He probably forgot to mention it._

"He told me what happened and he also told me that you had left _again."_ Flynn emphasizes the last word and smiles.

"I didn't leave. I just needed a little space because as you now, John, Christian can be very demanding and intense most of the times. A friend called me and I accepted their invitation to join them for a drink." I explain.

"I know you didn't leave." He says. "It is Christian's perception." Placing the notebook that he has been balancing during the entire session on his lap on the side table, Flynn crosses his legs and staples his fingers in front of his mouth.

"I just wanted to share with you that a troubled childhood, traumatic experiences, neglect and social isolation can leave a child in distress. In Christian's case it resulted in an inability in dealing with small emotional situations. These children develop a sense of insecurity."

"I know." I whisper and I feel a tug at my heart thinking of that little boy in that filthy apartment.

"But sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep telling him that he can trust me and that I love him." Twisting my fingers in my lap I cast a glance at Flynn. "I also know that in attempt to protect himself he has build a defense system against his pain and confusion. I want to help him so badly, but sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore."

"You have been doing great, Ana." He says. "What happened to Christian isn't going to go away overnight. So you'll need to have patience. You can't expect to tell him to trust you and expect a complete turnaround, because it just doesn't work out that way. Believe me when I tell you that he is trying. I have never spoken to him this frequently as the past month and a half. You've heard what he said about your first year together. He couldn't believe that your love was sincere. And even though he has made huge progress, it sometimes is still hard for him to accept. Keep doing what you are doing, Ana."

 _Okay._

"Christian also told me that you haven't spoken to your stepfather in the last few weeks."

"He is my father." I say feeling the need to somehow set that straight. "I have never seen him as my stepfather. Ray has always been there for me. From the moment he married my mother he took care of me as if I was his own."

"I am sorry, Ana." I give him a tight smile and I make a mental note to kick Christian's ass for spilling this to Flynn. _What the hell was he thinking?_

"Christian is concerned about you. He said that you have always been very close to your father and that he feels as if he is the reason that you aren't on speaking terms."

"This is not Christian's fault. The fact that I don't want to speak to Ray…" I feel the tears burning behind my eyes. Because fact is that I miss Ray. I miss talking to him. I miss asking for his advice. I just miss my dad.

"I don't want to talk about this." I say avoiding all eye contact with Flynn.

"Very well…" He says after a few seconds. "Can I give you a bit of advice, Ana?"

"Sure…" I whisper.

"If you keep focusing on what he did wrong instead of finding a solution, you will never get past this. It is also important to set boundaries and if your father chooses not to accept that, that is his choice, not yours."

"I will keep that in mind. But I am not ready yet to talk to him." I say clearing my throat.

"Do you have questions, Ana?"

"No I don't." I smile relieved knowing that this excruciating session is coming to an end.

"If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call me. Now, I think Christian is standing outside the door pulling his hair." He laughs and I laugh along with him.

"Merry Christmas, Ana."

"Merry Christmas, John."

Christian isn't exactly waiting behind the door. He is waiting in the small lobby area that adjoins his humongous study. He is sitting in a white leather chair. His elbows leaning on his knees, his hands buried in his copper colored hair. When the door opens his head snaps up and again I am struck at the uncertainty and doubt clouding his eyes.

"Hey." I say giving him the biggest smile I can muster.

"Hi…did you have a good talk." Basically he wants to know what we discussed.

"We did. And I promise you it was nothing bad." I say as calmly as possible.

My answer seems to appease him that until he lifts his gaze and gray haunted eyes look into mine.

Suddenly I feel a lump building in my throat that is almost impossible to swallow back. He thinks I am going to leave him.

"Why are you crying, Ana? Don't cry, baby…please what did John say. If he has said something that upset you I just fire his British ass and find another therapist!"His words are rushed and harsh, but the feeling of his thumbs grazing over my cheeks wiping away the tears are soft and loving.

"No…" Taking his face in my hands I force him to look at me. "He didn't say anything that I didn't know already. He just explained where your behavior stems from…your emotional state so to speak. But you know what, Christian? Nobody and I mean nobody is going to chase me away from you. No matter what they say."

His eyes close briefly and when he opens them again I have my Christian back. He gives me his shy smile and pulls me down to kiss me.

"Now, how about some Christmas shopping, Ms. Steele?"

 **Christian**

Five minutes. She said she would be ready in five minutes. I should have known having a sister like Mia that five minutes to change is impossible. It has been twenty minutes and I don't think she is even near to be ready. Sawyer and Taylor are patiently waiting along with me. They seem unfazed.

"Why the fuck do they say five minutes while they mean thirty?" I say looking at both men.

They stare at me as if I have grown a second head. They both open their mouth but shut it quickly again. _Yeah, can't blame them._

"Is everything taken care of for tomorrow?" I ask now for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, sir. Everything is taken care of. And the…package is in the safe just as you requested."

"Good, I want to emphasize again that under no circumstance we want to be disturbed tomorrow. That unless there is an emergency in Seattle concerning Ana's family or mine." I swirl around on my heels and start pacing again. The clicking sound of my shoes on the marble floor does nothing to ease my exasperation _. What the fuck is taking her so long?_

"Is everything set for this evening?" I bark.

"Everything is set, Sir." Taylor replies calmly.

"Fuck, Sawyer how long do you take in changing your clothes?" _One blink. Two blinks._ He probably can't wrap his head around the fact that I asked him that question. _Neither can I to be honest._

"Two minutes, Sir."

"Then why is my girlfriend, who doesn't need any make up or other shit, gone for so fucking long?"

"I've never understood it either, Sir." Taylor says with a small smile. "I guess it will remain a big mystery." He adds. We all chuckle at that.

I see both men looking over my shoulder, but of course I can't seem to shut the fuck up.

"I'll give her one more minute." I say through gritted teeth. "One!" I hold my finger in the air and wave it in front of their faces. Taylor eyes grow a little wider and that is when I hear my girlfriend angelic voice.

"Or what? You will give me one more minute and then what, Christian?"

I turn around, my finger still raised in the air like a fucking moron and my jaw hits the fucking floor. She looks beautiful. Simply beautiful. She is wearing a brown, long coat and the beret totally finishes the outfit. She truly raises the ordinary to the extraordinary. I want to touch her hair that is falling in soft waves around her face, but I am too stunned to even walk. So I just keep staring at her.

"We are not a mystery, Taylor." She says taking a few steps closer. _How long has she been standing there?_

"The fact that women take so fucking long to get ready…" She says giving me a pointed glare. "Is a conspiracy to get revenge on men. To pay for being able to just go behind a tree and pee standing. Do you know how hard it is to balance squatting with your pants around your ankles?"

 _What the fuck?_

She grabs her phone and casually throws it in her bag. She peeks at us from under her hair and suddenly starts laughing.

"God, that was really funny. You should have seen your faces." Confidently she walks towards me in those incredible sexy high-heeled boots and the only thing I now long for is Ana and Christian alone with those boots leaning against my shoulders.

"The fact is that women are generally more conscious about fashion and have a much broader clothes choice than men. Especially if your boyfriend's name is Christian Grey and he loves to fill your closet with beautiful clothes. So while you only have to choose between a pair of pants and a top, you are able to get dressed in two minutes, Sawyer." There is a smile tugging at her lips as she looks at a smirking Sawyer. _Fuck she is so beautiful._

"We women have a much more complex collection of choices to make. There are skirts, pants, dresses, camisoles, tank tops, you name it." She says waving her arms in the air. "And then I haven't even started on the shoes; do we choose, flats, mid or high heel and then of course there is the matching bag and the accessories." She takes a long deep breath and smiles.

Then in a fluid motion she links her arm through mine and smiles. "Now I'm ready."

 **Anastasia**

Going shopping alone has always bored me to tears. Shopping with Kate was sometimes a traumatic experience. However shopping with Christian is something entirely different.

First, everyone knows his name. And I mean everyone. The moment we stepped into a shop the sales assistants nearly tripped over themselves to assist Christian. The shops Christian wanted to visit were empty of course simply because he commandeered it. _Unbelievable._

When we entered Cartier, where he wanted to buy a gift for his mother and Mia we were immediately taken to a private room in the back of the store. And this is all normal to him.

After we left Christian's apartment and we had a quick lunch we split up. He left with Taylor and Ryan and I was left with Sawyer and Reynolds. But then the first challenge popped up; what do you buy for your billionaire boyfriend?

Now three hours later while waiting for my boyfriend and enjoying a cup of coffee, I am very pleased with my purchases.

"Hi beautiful." Christian brushes his lips against my cheeks and casually takes a seat in the chair across from me.

"Hi." I reach for his hand across the table and entwine our fingers.

"Have you been waiting long?" He asks.

"No, thirty minutes or so."

"Well, are you ready?"

"We are not going back to your apartment then?"

"No, we are definitely not going back to the apartment." He leans forward, pecks my lips and winks at me. "Let's go."

* * *

"Skating?" I hide my face in his chest and the rumbling sound in his chest caused by his chuckle is comforting. And just to inhale his specific scent I wrap my arms around his waist to prolong it.

"A winter visit to New York isn't complete without skating at The Rink at Rockefeller Centre. Now lace up those skates and show me those amazing skating skills." Christian says with a lopsided smirk.

Taylor hands him the skates and we sit down. "You know that I don't skate, right?"

"I won't let you fall, Ana."

 **Christian**

I really shouldn't make promises I can't keep. Because Ana fell. Multiple times. First she forgot to take the skate guards from the blades. Ana has now experienced that skating with plastic over the blades is not fun. When she was finally ready to step on the ice, she stepped too far back on her heel, slipped and fell. It all happened so fast and unexpected that I wasn't able to stop the fall. She laughed uncontrollably, reached her hands for mine and brushed the snow from her coat.

It was fucking adorable seeing her wave at Sawyer and Taylor every time we skated passed them. And every time they gave her a thumbs up and she smiled fucking big and nodding at the same time, so fucking proud of herself. It was like she was telling them; I got this totally under control, but in the mean time I discovered that there is something seriously wrong with her center of balance. Because Ana didn't really skate. She was holding on to my hands for dear life while I skated and dragged her along.

I pulled her out of the rink the moment one of her favorite songs came on and she started moving her hips. This was a disaster waiting to happen. So we are now drinking hot chocolate while she is gushing on and on how much her skating skills have improved. _Whatever you say, baby._

"Have you ever been here before?" I ask her pointing at the rink.

"No." She pouts. "I wanted too though and I begged Adam and Peter to come along, but they said that they didn't want to be responsible for injuries." _Wise men._

"How about you?" She asks insecurity covering her voice. Does she think that a client took me to The Rink to skate? I almost snort at the ridiculousness of that thought. They only wanted me for one thing and that was certainly not for my 'skating skills'.

"No, Ana."

"Not even with your parents?"

"No."

She smiles big. "Another first!"

"Another first." I agree.

"What more do you have planned?" She asks clapping her gloved hands together in excitement.

"I guess you will just have to wait and see." I wink at her and pull her from the chair. I have to admit that I am a little nervous. Taylor has reassured me that everything is set. But I am just not so sure anymore about Ana's reaction to the surprise I have planned for her. Either she loves it or she hates it.

The conversation we had yesterday before she left to meet Adam and Maggie keeps playing in a loop in my head.

" _Why won't you let me touch you?" I whisper._

" _Frankly, because I don't like you very much right now." She says sadly._

" _You don't love me anymore?"_

" _Really? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question?"_

How in the fuck can she doubt my love for her? I love her more than anything or anyone in this entire world. I would love nothing more than to shout my love for her from the fucking rooftops.

* * *

"You have to admit it, Ana. There is nothing more charming or romantic than seeing Central Park from the back of a horse-drawn carriage and…" I say raising my finger. "Freezing your balls off."

She giggles and clutches the blanket provided to us closer around us.

"I can't take care of those blue balls later. Now shut up and enjoy." She nudges my shoulder with hers and sighs contently.

"You know what would be perfect." She says after a few minutes of silence?

"What would that be?" I say and lean down to kiss her temple.

"M&M's of course!" She smiles and shrugs. Her hand finds mine under the blanket and then she squeezes softly.

"Do you know that Adam asked Maggie to marry him in a horse carriage?"

"He doesn't strike me as the romantic type." I mutter.

"He is. Under all those tats and gruffness hides a really nice guy. You just have to get to know him."

"How did they meet?"

"In a tattoo shop. From what Peter told me, Adam had to work really hard to even get Maggie to go out with him on a date. She had sworn off men in general after she broke up with her boyfriend."

While we tour Central Park Ana is mostly quiet. Every now and then she points at something telling me a fun fact or just saying how beautiful it is.

"Did you know that the Carousel is on the largest merry-go-round in the US?" She says when we pass by.

"No, I didn't." How does she know all of this?

"Did you come here often? To Central Park I mean?"

"Not really." She says shaking her head. "In the summer I loved to go to the Sheep Meadow to read."

Our ride ends at the restaurant "Tavern on the Green" and there is where Taylor and Sawyer are waiting for us next to a Pedi cab. Ready to take us to Trafalgar Square.

"Oh that is so much fun" Ana is bouncing up and down from excitement when she sees the Pedi cab.

"So you've done this before?" I ask while helping her into the little cab.

"Yes, I have." She doesn't elaborate and even though I am fucking curious why, when and with whom, I don't ask.

"Let's do the five question game." She breathes.

"Okay, you go first." I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

"If you had to describe yourself using only three words what would they be?" She asks.

"Three words? Rich, successful and protective?" She nods but it seems as if she isn't really on board with those tree words.

"Your turn." She says patting my thigh.

"If you had to describe me in using only three words what would they be, Ana?"

"If I had to describe you? Well that's easy; loving, trustworthy and mine." She giggles and then her smile turns into that beautiful bashful smile I love so fucking much.

"Okay, my turn again." She giggles again and something mischievous passes her eyes. "What is the strangest place you ever went potty?"

I throw my head back and laugh. All the while Ana is grinning and giggling. "Potty?"

She nods her head and squeezes my thigh. "Spill it, Grey."

"Well that would have been when I went mountain biking with Elliot. We had stopped first at a deli to have lunch. A couple of hours later we're up on the trail and fuck some thermonuclear activity was going on down below. I just hopped of my bike, ran off the trail, dropped my shorts and leaned against a tree. When I got back Elliot was waiting for me with the biggest grin on his face. The whole way back the fucker was in hysterics."

"When was that?" She asks.

"It was a few weeks before I left for Harvard."

"You never told me that story!"

"It really wasn't one of my proudest moments, baby." I shift a little and wiggle my eyebrows.

"My turn now; what is your favorite place in the world, Ana?"

"Wherever you are." She says in a heartbeat.

"If you could relive one day of your life, what day would it be and why?" She asks. _That's easy._

I clear my throat and pull her closer to my chest. "That would be the day I broke up with you. I think the why is obvious."

"Really?" She whispers. "You wouldn't go back to…"

"No." I say adamantly. "I would go back to that day."

We stop with the questions both lost in our own thoughts. Ana's head I leaning against my chest as we watch New York pass by. When we reach Time Square Ana just stares.

"What are we doing here?" Looking around her she steps out of the Pedi cap with my hand tightly grasped into hers.

"Ros and I have been working on a promotion video for GEH. And they are showing it on the digital billboard." She is quiet for a moment and then her head turns to look at the gigantic billboard.

"I didn't know you were working on a promotion video for GEH." She says and suddenly she looks uneasy.

 **Anastasia**

The billboard is looming in the distance. Shit I don't want to go. I have seen marriage proposals here a couple of time and even though I think it is totally romantic and sweet, I am not ready to marry Christian yet. The last time I accepted his marriage proposal everything went to shit.

Because I don't believe one word he is saying about a promotion video. That is just not the way Christian works. Please, please don't let this be what I think it is. _Please, please, please._

When we are standing in front of the billboard I am aware of everything that is happening around me. And that's a lot. People talking, people passing by, honking cars. Christian's arm, which he has, loosely wrapped around my shoulders, feels heavy as is the lingering presence of Taylor and Sawyer.

When Christian steps back and start to discuss something with Taylor I bide my time by rummaging through my bag. My phone is the first thing I see and that is what I take. My hands are shaking as I unlock the screen. Shit no messages, no phone calls. Nothing to keep me distracted.

I tense when I feel Christian's arm on my shoulder. "Ana, you are shaking like a leaf, baby." He whispers. He brushes his nose along my ear and lets out a long sigh.

"Relax, okay. I promise you it isn't going to be so bad. Just a promotional video, baby." I turn my head to look at him and it is very fast, but there is a hint of hurt in his eyes.

"Okay…" I say with a trembling voice. "I am going to record it, okay?" His eyes flick over to my phone. "Maybe Taylor can record it for you?" I really want to say no, but before I have the chance to react, Taylor is holding my phone. _Well shit._ Christian moves until he is standing behind me. His arms are wrapped protectively around my waits, while his chin is resting on top of my head.

I take a deep breath and let myself relax against Christian's body. Christian softly squeezes my hand.  
"Pay close attention, beautiful." And I do. But at first I frown as the first image appears on the gigantic billboard. Because when the first image appears on the screen I know that this isn't about GEH, this is about Ana Photography & Art.

 _ **Ana Photography & Art**_

 _Conceptual_

 _Emotive_

 _Transcendent_

 _Anastasia Steele, of Ana Photography & Art is a 25 year old artist and photographer. She decided on a career as photographer while living in Great Britain. _

_Anastasia Steele resides in Seattle._

 _Her work has since appeared in many of the world's foremost publications including National Geographic, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Marie Claire featuring leading celebrities._

 _Client list:_

 _Grey Enterprise Holding, Kavanagh Media, Boeing, University of Washington_

I am gasping and crying but I blink the tears away not wanting to miss anything from this beautiful video. _Christian did that for me_. As I wipe the tears away, photos I have taken during the years slide along the billboard. Not knowing what to say I turn around as soon as the video has ended and wrap my arms around Christian's waist.

"Ana?" He says after a few minutes.

Reluctantly I let him go and wipe away more tears. "Happy tears. Most definitely happy tears."

Relieve crosses his face and then he smiles. "Well thank fuck for that!" He mutters against my ear.

"There is more." He says handing me his handkerchief.

"More?"

"Just watch." He points at the screen and I turn around. I expect another video and this time from GEH, but again I am wrong. Instead I see a picture of Christian and me together. Then a picture of Christian alone slides on the screen while he is holding a sign. It says; _my life was ordered, boring and controlled and then Anastasia Steele twirled into my life. Her beauty, her innocence, her intelligence made me alive._ There are pictures of us together during our year in Harvard and suddenly the screen turns black. White bold letters appear on the screen. **SECOND CHANCES.**

Christian's arms tighten around me. "I am so fucking sorry, Ana." He whispers in my ear. I nod but without moving my eyes from the billboard.

The message disappears and then there a several pictures of us together sliding across the screen. One of them was just taken at The Rink.

Then it stops and a photo of Christian shows on the screen while he is holding a sign that says: _Anastasia Steele, I have come alive since you entered my world again. You are my more. Thank you for believing in me. I love you._

"Oh my god." I gasp. I quickly turn around on my heels and wrap my arms around his neck. Before I know it my legs are wrapped around his waist and I am looking into the shy smile of my gorgeous boyfriend.

"I love you too." I sniff.

"The other day…when you asked me if I really loved you, I just needed to tell you how much I love you and I know I say it multiple times a day and I know that I fuck up multiple times a day too. I love you so fucking much, Ana Steele. Never ever doubt my love for you."

"I won't, I promise." The kiss starts slowly and sensual but quickly turns into more. Reluctantly and out of breath we break the kiss and lean our foreheads against each other.

"Move in with me, Ana." _What? No, no, no._

"Christian…I…"

"Please Ana, I love you, you love me. We are good together. Move in with me."

"Mr. Grey, I am sorry to interrupt, but there has been someone calling non-stop on Ms. Steele's phone for the last ten minutes. I think I recognize the number as the detective assigned to Ms. Lincoln's case."

* * *

 **Author's note: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know I had fun writing it.**

 **I received a review from a guest who calls herself 'Cameron' saying that I had some major grammatical and spelling errors. I just wish that 'Cameron' would have logged in, had send me a PM and pointed out those** _ **major**_ **errors…because that is the only way to correct them, learn from the mistakes and improve my writing.**

 **As most of you probably already know, English isn't my first language… and I do proofread (several times) and I am truly sorry for the mistakes. I hope it doesn't stop you from reading though.**

 **Thank you**

 **Alner XOX**


	35. Chapter 35 - Detective Field

**Chapter 35 – Detective Field**

 **Anastasia**

Before I even know what's happening we are seated back in a rented black car, similar to the one that Christian owns in Seattle. The high I just felt after seeing what Christian had done for me is now completely gone. I mean what he did was very romantic, but totally out of his comfort zone. His face gigantically projected on that freaking billboard while he professed his love for me. And then it was ruined by a freaking phone call related to that fucking, pedophile bitch. _God, why doesn't she just die and get it over with._

However, a little part of me was happy about the interruption because I don't think that Christian is going to like my answer.

I still don't know what Detective Field wants to speak me about; he only told me that he needed to speak with me as soon as possible.

I try to wiggle my hand free from Christian's strong grip. I look at him from the corner of my eye and I see his clenching jaw and that nasty vein on the side of his neck.

His reaction is to tighten his hold on my hand. "Christian, you are hurting me."

"Sorry" He mutters releasing a sigh. He then brings my hand to his lips and kisses my fingers.

"Christian…I…" He rolls his eyes when the Star Wars Imperial March sounds from my phone.

I see Christian lips twitch when I hold my phone up. "It's my mom."

"Hi mom! I am in the car with Christian and you are on speakerphone right now." _So please don't say anything embarrassing._

"Hi honey. How are you doing? Are you having fun? How is Christian's apartment? Is it snowing there? Hi Christian, how are you doing? I assume that you are taking good care of my daughter?"

Christian's jaw goes slack after hearing my mother spewing questions. I just shrug. _That's my mom._

"She is worse than my mother." Christian mutters under his breath.

"We are doing fine. Yes, we are having fun, Christian's apartment is beautiful and yes it has snowed."

There is silence on the other side and I nudge Christian's arm and motion to the phone in my hands with my chin.

"Hello, Carla. Yes, your assumption is correct. I am taking good care of your daughter." He rolls his eyes and shakes his head in annoyance.

"Well that is good to hear." She says pleased.

"How are things in Seattle?" I ask.

"Oh Anastasia…I met Sebastian and Emma and they are simply amazing children. Emma is just a lovely, sweet girl. She has the most amazing brown eyes and she is incredibly sweet. It broke my heart when Grace and Carrick told us about their pasts." We hear her taking a deep breath.

"I just wanted to hear your voice, sweetie…Grace, Mia and I are baking some cakes for tomorrow but I needed a little break."

I giggle. "You are baking?"

At that she laughs. "I was helping, Anastasia." _Thank God._

"Just stick to the recipe and listen carefully to what Grace and Mia tell you, mom and don't improvise." _Because that always ends badly._

"Ana…your father just called me." _Well shit._

"Oh okay."

"He said that you still haven't picked up your phone or returned his messages. Ana, he is worried and he is sorry and he misses you. He is spending Christmas alone in Montesano. He was hoping that you would at least call him." I close my eyes really tight and try to shove the image away of my dad alone on Christmas.

"Mom…I…"

She sighs and clears her throat. "You are both so stubborn." She says and her voice is taking that 'mom' tone that I hate so freaking much.

"And so are you." I react. "Mom, we just reached Christian's apartment." I lie.  
"Say hi to everyone from us okay? Love you. Bye mom" Before she even can react, I disconnect the call and quickly throw my phone back into my bag and lean my head against the headrest.

"Maybe you should call your dad back, Ana." Christian says carefully.

"How long did it take you before you finally spoke to your dad, Christian?" I snap back and immediately regret my reaction when I see the hurt it causes him.

"Don't push me on this, Christian. The way I see it, is that my dad could have prevented a lot of hurt."

"I am sorry." He says and gives me a kiss on my cheek. His hand finds mine again and that is how we stay until we reach Christian's apartment.

* * *

Detective Field has his phone clasped between his ear and his shoulder while at the same time he is furiously taking notes. The moment Taylor guided him in the living room his phone started to ring and he excused himself saying that he needed to take it. Detective Field is accompanied by his colleague Detective Wels from the New York police department. The latter, whose stomach looks like he has eaten too many donuts, started to chit chat with Christian about his apartment. After a few curt answers from my boyfriend the guy just gave up. _I can't say I blame him._

I never had the chance to study Detective Field when he came to arrest Elena because everything happened so fast. Besides I was too busy looking at Elena being led away in handcuffs at the time to pay any mind to anything else. I would guess that Detective Lucas Field is mid thirties. He wears his dirty blonde hair in a buzz cut. He is casually dressed in dark blue jeans, white button down and a dark blue sports blazer.

"Yeah, thank you Lisa, keep me informed." He says into the phone and I instinctively move closer to Christian who isn't hiding the fact that he is thoroughly annoyed.

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey. I am sorry, but this was related to the Lincoln case. It was of the utmost importance." When his eyes meet mine I see the dark circles under his eyes.

I can almost hear Christian rolling his eyes.

"It's no problem." I quickly say.

"What can we help you with Detective Field?" Christian asks in a cold, menacing voice. _Yup. Pissed._ And I don't know if he is pissed because of Detective Field's and his partner's presence or the mere fact that I still haven't answered him concerning moving in with him. _Probably both._

"Ms. Steele, do you know a Ms. Quinn?"

"Yes. I do." I whisper. Suddenly I have the feeling as if someone is preventing me to breathe.

"According to her phone records you were the last person she spoke to on December 19."

"What do you mean with the last person?" I choke.

Taking a huge breath of air Detective Field focuses his eyes back on me and that is when I notice that his eyes are red rimmed. "The NYPD received a phone call this morning from one of her neighbors.

Ms. Steele, Ms. Quinn was attacked this morning in her apartment."

"Was she badly hurt?" I hear myself say. But this is one of those moments when you feel like you are having an out of body experience. _It's surreal and scary as shit._

"I can't divulge any information about her injuries. However, Ms. Quinn is hospitalized. The moment the doctors give Ms. Quinn permission to travel she will be moved to an undisclosed location."

"Is she awake? You can at least tell me if she is conscious."

"Barely." Field whispers.

"Let me take this from here." Detective Wels places his large, pudgy hand on his colleague shoulder and slides his huge body to the edge of the couch.

"Ms. Steele, why did Ms. Quinn call you the evening of December 19?"

"Detective Wels" Christian's voice booms through the living room. "Is my girlfriend a suspect?"

"No, Mr. Grey. We are trying to put the pieces together what Ms. Quinn did that evening. Ms. Steele is no suspect."

"Ms. Steele?" The voice belongs to Detective Wels, but I can barely hear him. The only thing I can hear is the rustling sound of the blood pumping through my head and the beating of my heart against my ribcage. All I can think about is that Annette got badly hurt and that I dragged her into this mess. It is my fault. It is my fault that she got attacked and that she is lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

"Ana! Ana!" Christian's voice sounds far away and I feel his fingers pressing against my shoulders. "Ana!" I feel myself being lifted on his lap and immediately his hands cradle my head. "This is not your fault, Ana. Do you hear me? This is not your fault. They don't know if the attack is connected to Elena." I want to believe him so badly.

"Ana, look at me." I have no other choice than to meet his eyes, when he cradles my head in his hands and forces me to look at him. "This is not your fault." His eyes are loving and caring.

I hear someone clearing his throat behind me and Christian's eyes turn cold.

"Gentlemen, my girlfriend isn't in the right frame of mind right now to answer your questions. I can send you and e-mail later this evening."

"No…I can do this." I hear myself say.

"Ana, you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. I owe it to Annette, Christian." Sliding from Christian's lap I sit on the edge of the couch and burry my head in my hands and try to remember the conversation I had with Annette.

"I had contacted Annette; I mean Ms. Quinn a few weeks prior to her phone call regarding Ms. Lincoln. I knew about Ms. Quinn her personally after we met a few years ago and I knew she was the perfect person to dig up some dirt on Elena Lincoln. Things that only she was able to find out. However I'd never suspected that she would find out everything she did. And I never suspected that her life would be in danger."

"Like Mr. Grey said, we aren't sure if the attack is related to the Lincoln case. As you know, Ms. Quinn aggravates a lot of people by writing her blogs." Detective Field says gently.

I give him a small smile, not really believing that this attack was caused by her blog. It has everything to do with Elena Lincoln.

"What did she tell you, Ms. Steele?"

I recount everything what she told me that day. I tell them that she sounded nervous and agitated and that the phone call conversation lasted less than ten minutes.

"Do you have any idea who might be involved in the attack?" Christian asks. And for the first time since we entered his apartment, he seems less angry.

"We have a suspect but unfortunately I can't discuss that with you either. The FBI has taken over the case." The detective slides his legs in front of him and stares at me as if he is debating something. After a few seconds he shakes his head.

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?" Christian roars rising to his feet.

"Mr. Grey." Detective Field says also rising to his feet. "I am very close to Annette. I was supposed to meet her here in New York for Christmas. I never had any contact with her after she called me a few minutes before she called Ms. Steele on December 19th telling me that she was sending me a file and that it was urgent. I told her to keep a low profile and she did, but somehow someone found out about her involvement. The moment I stepped out of the plain this afternoon I received a phone call from my colleagues here in New York. I am sure you can understand how important it is to me to find out who hurt Annette." He looks briefly at me and takes a step back.

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey, thank you for seeing us in such a short notice and for your cooperation. I hope we didn't interrupt any plans. And please be careful."

 **Christian**

"Mr. Grey, a moment?"

"What is it Taylor." I peek up from my laptop and see the tenseness in his shoulders. _What now?_

"By the way…" I say pointing my finger in his direction. "Your timing is fucking horrible, Taylor."

Bringing his hand to his neck he rubs it a few times and nods his head. "I know, Sir."

"What do you have? And please take a seat."

"When Ms. Lincoln was arrested I asked a buddy of mine to ask around. I specifically asked him for the content of the file that Ms. Quinn had sent to detective Field."

"Why didn't you ask Barney?"

"I didn't want there to be any connection to you or GEH, Sir."

"Sounds reasonable. Please continue, Taylor."

"I received the documents when you were at The Rink with Ms. Steele." He rubs his hands over his face and I think that this is the first time I have seen Taylor acting nervous. He seems worried, on edge even and that makes me nervous.

"Ms. Quinn did an excellent and very thorough job with her investigation. I have no fucking clue how she was able to get that kind of information in such short amount of time. I would gladly have her on my team." He mutters the last sentence.

"According to the files, the 'organization' is small and consisted only of four people, Ms. Lincoln being one of them. The rest of the group consists of one more woman, who lives in Boston and two gentlemen who live in St. Petersburg."

"What else did you find in Ms. Quinn's files?"

"Everything, Sir. Phone data, photographs, address information." His brow furrows and then he slowly looks at me. "The name "Servus" pops up a couple of times too. I assume that it was used as a cover. However, that stopped about four years ago."

"Soon after "Servus" was terminated, a Ms. Esmeralda Wayne started a beauty salon "Rab", most likely to be able to continue the laundering of their income from the illegal activities."

"Just out of curiosity, Taylor. But what is the meaning of 'rab'?"

"It is slave in Russian, Sir."

I nod my head. Everything is making sense now; Elena wanted me to invest in her beauty salon so that she could use it as a cover for her criminal activities. _Fucking bitch._ And she wanted to name the salon "Esclava" which also means slave in Spanish.

"Do we know the whereabouts of this Wayne woman?"

"Unfortunately not, Sir. But we think that this isn't even her real name but an alias."

"I want you to contact Welch and go to the bottom of this. Check out the aliases…everything. I also want another CPO for Ms. Steele, a woman."

Taylor nods his head once and rises from his seat. "Reynolds is trying to get his hands on the security camera footage of Ms. Quinn's apartment."

Rising from my chair I grab my phone from the desk and walk with Taylor towards the door.

"Has Gail arrived, Taylor?"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you for sending the jet."

"No problem, Taylor and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Grey."

* * *

I find Ana in the living room. She has her back turned towards me while her forehead is leaning against the window. It's snowing again. And somehow I always think of the falling snow as something magical. I can still vividly remember when my parents adopted me and it snowed. I didn't know why Elliot was so fucking excited. That until he dragged me outside and he showed me how to make a snowball. That feeling of magic is still deeply embedded in me. Every time I see snow, I still feel that same excitement as I felt that day with Elliot.

"Do you know that each snowflake is unique?" Ana says. "And I would like to photograph them all…" She slides with her finger over the window. She looks so lovely with her cream colored cable knit dress and that messy bun on top of her head. She is wearing long knitted socks and I remember seeing her wearing those before.

"The Christmas tree is lovely, Christian." She says without breaking her focus of the falling snow.

"I never had my apartment decorated before." I admit closing the distance between us. I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and we stay like this, her back to my front for a while. Simply enjoying in watching the snow falling.

"It is beautiful and I am sorry that I wasn't able to say it before. Who decorated it?"

She turns around in my arms and tips her head to look at me.

"The guy calls himself Dr. Christmas." I raise my eyebrows at her while Ana giggles. "I asked Taylor yesterday, he called Andrea and she arranged it." I wave my hand in the air and I have to admit that considering that this "Dr. Christmas" only had a few hours to work with, he did an amazing job. But then again, money talks.

"Can we go out for a walk? Because it has been a long time since we kissed in the snow." She says all of a sudden. Her head turns back to the window and then back to me.

"I gave the guys the rest of the night off…but I can call Taylor…"

"No!" Placing her hand on mine she shakes her head. "They deserve the night off, besides it was just a stupid idea." She murmurs.

"We don't need to go out to kiss in the snow, Ana…there is a huge patio." Her face breaks into a gorgeous smile and while standing on her toes she brushes her lips against mine. "Let me grab our coats and shoes then."

Five minutes later we are standing on the same spot we had sex yesterday. The air is cold and crisp.

"Have you ever kissed in the snow before, Christian?" Ana asks turning around meeting my gaze.

"Never, Ana. You are the only girl I've ever kissed or will kiss in the snow."

"Good." She whispers taking a step closer. Sliding her hand over my shoulders she pushes her body flush against mine. "Kiss me, Christian."

"Next year you don't have to hire this decorator." Ana says while peeking back into the apartment.

"We can do it ourselves. We can even bake a gingerbread house."

"Next year? In a home we share?" I pull her against me and kiss the top of her head. She never answered my question because we were interrupted by that fucker Field. And deep down I know that her answers will be no. _I can feel it._

"You never answered my question, Ana." I say cupping her face in my hands.

"Christian, I…"

"You love me right?" I say interrupting her and hear the urgency and panic in my own voice. She can't say 'no'.

"Of course I do and it has nothing to do with me not loving you, Christian." She says quickly.

"Then it is settled. I will ask Taylor to call a moving company and have your apartment cleaned out and you can move in with me. There is a storage box in Escala where you can store your furniture."

"Christian, no!" I am startled at the abruptness in her voice. She takes a step back making my hands fall from her face.

"You can't decide that for me. You are not dealing with some business merger here, Christian! I am not ready to move in with you yet. I love you. I love being with you, but I believe that it is too soon. I love my apartment, my independence and I…I am just not ready yet." She whispers the last part and entwines our hands.

"Why not?" I plead.

"Because I can't forget what you told Flynn. Christian, one of the reasons you wanted to marry me five years ago was because you needed the reassurance that I would never leave you. Christian, whether we are living together or not, I love you the same. Why the rush? Why don't enjoy what we have now and take is slow, just like we agreed on?" She squeezes my fingers and keeps quiet until I meet her eyes again. _I don't do slow. I hate slow._

"Just give me time…please."

"How long?"

"I don't know." She sighs.

"Just give me a timeframe, Ana."

"I can't…" Releasing our hands she wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in my chest.

"Please don't be angry, Christian. Just give me a little more time."

"I am not angry, Anastasia." I kiss the top of her head that is covered with tiny snowflakes. "I just wish that just this time you wouldn't over think things."

"There is just too much going on right now." She tightens her hold on my waist and leans her head back to look at me.

"I know." I kiss the tip of her nose and smile down at her. "However, that won't stop me in asking you again until I am blue in the face."

She giggles and then something passes her eyes. "Talking about blue…how are your balls doing?" _Ah distractions. She is good, I'll give her that._

I decide to play her little game since I know we are heading towards an epic fight if I keep pestering her about moving in with me.

"They are definitely not blue anymore. They are now a purple-black color."

"Poor boy…" Ana sing-songs. "Maybe we should fix that little situation _." What the fuck? Did she say little?_

 **Anastasia**

Suddenly Christian's hands are on my hips and he lifts me up and pulls me over his shoulder.

"Little situation, Ana?" He growls while he stomps back into the apartment. He smacks my ass and shit that stings.

"Little, Ana?" He smacks me again and this time he buries his fingers into my side and he starts tickling me.

"It tickles, Christian…oh my god…stop that…"

"Little?" He asks again and I hear the smile in his voice.

"I…was…joking…" I reply in between giggles. "There is nothing small about your…balls…"

"You can do much better than that, Ana…" His fingers dig into my sides again while I squirm and laugh.

"Better?"

"Oh…baby, you are playing with fire." Still hanging over his shoulder we pass the long hallway until we reach his bedroom. The door opens and closes again and before I know it Christian has thrown me on his bed and his arms pin my wrists to the bed. His face is dangerously close to mine and that smile he is giving me makes me giggle.

"Like I said baby…try again."

"I already said that your balls weren't little…" I snort and giggle and then raise my eyebrows to challenge him further. _I like this. I like playful Christian._

"Wrong answer…" He shakes his head but he can't stop his lips from curling upwards.

"Okay…uhm…let me think here for a minute…" I try to move my legs and hips to buck him off but he is too strong. The smirk he gives me tells me he knows what my intentions are.

"Will you promise me something, Ana?" He brushes his lips against mine and stares into my eyes.

"What is it?"

"Promise to think about moving in with me. What I said during Flynn's session was something I felt five years ago. We both have changed, Ana. I have changed. I promise to give you time and space and I will not bring it up again until we are back in Seattle."

"Okay. I promise." I brush his hair back from his forehead and giggle.

"You need a haircut." His eyes widen and then he slowly shakes his head. "I can cut your hair." I say sweetly.

"No fucking way. The last time you did that…shit, Ana. My mom almost had a coronary when we she saw me. She cried, Ana."

"Don't be so dramatic. It was just a little rookie mistake." I defend myself but I can't help but smile because I really did a horrible job.

"I warned you about those electric clippers, but you just couldn't help yourself."

"I finished really quickly." I shrug. "And the sex afterwards was amazing."

"Yeah, but that was before I had actually seen what you had done. Because I wasn't allowed to look in the mirror."

"It was all part of the surprise." Sliding my finger through his copper locks I sigh in contentment.

"I love you, Christian." I whisper when the atmosphere changes from playful to intense.

"I know, Ana. And I love you too, so much." Leaning down he teases my lips, tracing my bottom one with his tongue. "Oh my sweet, Ana." He murmurs.

I start to giggle when my beanie falls over my eyes. "To many clothes, baby." Christian chuckles.

Then not two minutes later we are both naked. My eyes slide down the defined lines of his chest. He is so perfect. The small smattering of chest hair, his strong arms…god how I love his arms. I feel his fingers sliding up through the inside of my thighs…playfully, teasing.

"Christian…"

Smiling he presses my thighs down and his mouth closes over my sex. Fuck! My hands grip onto his hair as the warmth of his breath glides over my skin.

I throw my head back and close my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the pleasure. He continues to pleasure me while I feel his fingers spreading me so he can slide inside me. His fingers move slowly and it has me moaning when they find that spot. He continues his provoking assault on my body, his fingers moving, his tongue stroking with just the right amount of friction. The wave of sensations spreads through my thighs until it explodes in my belly. The entire time as I ride out my climax his name falls off my lips. Í have my eyes closed, still relishing that extraordinary feeling when I feel his body shifting his way up my body. He kisses me, delving his tongue in my mouth. "Taste yourself, Ana…"

My response is to grab his head and kiss him again. His hands cradle my head so he can control the depth of the kiss. He holds nothing back while he is kissing me and when he pulls back and looks into my eyes, the intensity leaves me breathless.

Christian hisses when I grip his erection and start sliding my hand up and down, my thumb rubbing the drop of moisture at the tip around his length. His groan and watching his abs tens has me moaning too. Suddenly his hand is on mine and he shakes his head. "Not like this." He grunts.

Confidently he steps out of the bed and while standing at the edge he grabs my legs and pulls me towards him so that his cock is perfectly nestled between my thighs. I close my eyes when I feel his eyes grazing over my naked body. "Watch, Ana. I want you to watch."

Lifting my head I lean on my elbows and watch as he his fingers stroke over my sex. We both moan when his fingers slide inside me. He watches closely as his fingers slowly start moving in and then back out. His eyes dart up to meet mine when my thighs start to tremble. He withdraws his fingers and his eyes hold mine when he slowly enters me. Seating himself fully I see his jaw clench and his eyes turning the color of steel.

"Fuck, Ana…so fucking tight, baby…" He still doesn't move he just stares at me. "Touch yourself, Ana. Touch your breasts."

It is incredibly hard to hold his eyes but I do as my hands reach up to touch my breasts. As a reaction I open my legs wider. He pulls back and thrusts into me, his hands gripping into my thighs as he repeats his movements. The feelings are overwhelming as he keeps thrusting into me and I feel my muscles tensing.

"Touch yourself, Ana…" Hesitantly my fingers slide from my breasts to my sensitive clit. His fingers deep deeper into my thighs, the movement of his hips quickening and the muscles in his shoulders and neck tensing as he watches me touch myself.

"Christian!" I cry out as my body begins to shake for the force of my climax.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He moans and he keeps his eyes locked on mine as he continues to thrust into me. Throwing his head back a groan falls from his lips as he is hit with his own release.

 **Christian**

"So this fundraiser we need to attend to in a few days, can you tell me more about it?" Ana tucks her head under my chin and slides her ice cold foot over my leg until she reaches my balls.

"What the fuck, baby?" _Shit. Why are her feet always so damn cold?_

"Oh hush…they will get warm in just a few minutes." Tilting her head back to look at me, she gives me one of her cheeky smiles and lies back down. Her foot still snuggled against my dick.

"The fundraiser, Christian." She reminds me gently.

I groan and brush my hand over my eyes. "It's an event to benefit the Children's Dyslexia Center of New York."

"Oh, Peter's sister has Dyslexia." She replies absentmindedly. "I think he once told me that his mother was on the board of directors of a Children's dyslexia centre." Dread and paralyzing fear glide through my veins as Ana's words sink in.

"What was Peter's last name?"

"Langley." Thank fuck. I kiss the top of Ana's head repeatedly as I feel the fear leaving my body.

"Do you really want me to go with you, Christian?" She asks softly.

"Fuck yeah! I can't wait to enter that damn venue with you on my arm." She doesn't respond but moves closer into me and slides her, now warm foot, down and rests it on top of my legs.

"I have never been to a fancy fundraiser before. What if I do or say something stupid?" _Impossible._

"Ana, you are one of the smartest women I know. They are going to love you. You are going to captivate them and not only with your beauty, Ana." She gives me a little snort and I just know that she is rolling her eyes at me.

"Have you ever attended this fundraiser before?"

"No, not this one. My grandparents were involved, especially my grandmother. My grandmother was dyslexic. She was labeled lazy, dumb, and immature even though she was highly intelligent. Her parents didn't pay much attention to it. Because at the time she was growing up it wasn't important for a girl to pursue a career or study. So they accepted the teacher's explanation and they left it at that. She was only diagnosed with dyslexia when she married my grandfather and he noticed that she wrote most of the letters in the opposite direction and she wrote most of the numbers in mirror image, like instead of 14 she wrote 41."

"My grandfather asked me a few months ago if I wanted to attend this fundraiser in his place. He said that it is because of the travelling, but I think that it hurts too much to be there without my grandmother."

"Your grandfather is the sweetest." She mumbles lost in her thoughts.

"He is." I agree with her.

We lay like this for a while, both lost in our own thought while Ana's thumb strokes over my knuckles.

"Do you think Annette will be okay?" She says meekly and I can hear the guilt dripping from her words.

"She is strong, Ana. The detectives told me that they have security guards outside her hospital room until she is released." She tenses in my arms and I pull her closer to me until she is practically lying in top of me.

"It isn't your fault, Ana."

"I am so scared, Christian. I am so freaking paranoid." She whispers against my neck. "I am scared that they figure out who is behind all this and that…"

"Nothing is going to happen to anyone of us." Cupping her face in my hands I force her to look at me. "I won't let you get hurt." I say again. She nods and lays her head back in the crook of my neck.

"Ana, I spoke to Taylor this evening and he told me a few things. I've decided to expand security and I asked Taylor to find a female CPO for you. She will be with you at all times."

"What did Taylor find out?" I hate doing this to her. _I. fucking. Hate. It._

"Please, Christian, don't shut me out. I need to know. I need to know who is out there…"

And so I explain everything I discussed with Taylor.

"Okay." Is her only response. And she sounds so small and so frightened that I hope that I did the right thing by telling her this.

* * *

 **Author's note: I want to thank you all for your sweet and supportive PM's and reviews.**

 **I wish you all a wonderful week.**

 **Alner XOX**


	36. Chapter 36 - Merry Christmas

**Chapter 36 - Merry Christmas**

 **Anastasia**

"Merry Christmas, beautiful." Christian whispers in my ear. His finger caressing my spine. Up and down. Up and down. The feeling is calming and soothing and I have no intentions in opening my eyes just jet.

"Baby, wake up. There are a lot of presents under that tree and it got me fucking curious." I stifle a laugh at his childish enthusiasm. His finger is still moving up and down and damn if that isn't a damn good feeling. But I really don't want to open my eyes just jet. The feeling of Christian's hands on my back and the sun on my face are too good.

Suddenly I feel cool air hitting my legs and I yelp the moment Christian's hand collides with my bare ass.

"Oh, really! Jesus Christ, Christian!" I turn around and I am met with my boyfriends grin. _He is freaking grinning._

"Hey, you're awake!" He says sarcastically. "But then again." He says holding his finger in the air. "You already were." Raising his eyebrows he continues. "Because you were enjoying my hands on your back and the sun shining through those windows." He shrugs nonchalantly. "You were thinking; I am going to keep my eyes closed for just a few more minutes." He is right. I was thinking that.

"Merry Christmas." I say too stupid to come back with a smart ass remark. His grin turns wider and then he wiggles his eyebrows, making him look even younger.

"Presents!" He shouts making me wince. He laughs throwing his head back and then winks. "At least you're awake now."

* * *

"Wow, you made all of this?" I ask looking at the table. Christian turns to look at me from where he is standing and gives me his shy smile.

"I only made the pancakes. The rest I ordered in." And that is when I see the heart shaped pancakes on my plate.

I grab my camera from the kitchen counter and start making pictures. When I think I have enough I slowly move the lens to where I know Christian is standing and start clicking. The comforting sound of the shutter grounds me and focuses me and I forget about these last few days while I only concentrate on the delicious man leaning casually against the kitchen counter.

He is looking incredibly hot with those sweatpants sans t-shirt. He is leaning casually against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed in front of his firm chest. The veins and muscles on his arms stirring with every little movement he makes. And Jesus, that v-line. Just let me nibble at it for a minute. I could die a happy woman just by staring at the delicious v.

His laugh pulls me out of my thoughts and I slowly lower the camera from my face. "What?" I ask staring at his cocky face.

"What? What?" He replies still smiling.

"Why were you laughing?"

He shrugs and makes his way toward me. "You were staring through your camera baby, you weren't making any pictures." Gently he takes the camera from my hand and places it on the table. "Oh and there is a little bit of drool over here…" Brushing his finger over my mouth he winks and pushes me gently into the chair.

"Sit and eat, baby." He kisses my forehead and winks. "The pancakes are getting cold."

This is so much fun. Christian has long finished eating and just to annoy him a little bit I am taking my sweet time. His leg is impatiently moving up and down, his fingers drumming on the table while his gaze is pinned on my plate.

"Hmm, I wonder what's under that tree." I say casually pointing my fork into that direction. His eyes slide to mine and then back at the tree.

"God, you sure do know how to cook a mean pancake, Christian. I think I'll have another one."

"Another?" He whines.

"Oh, yes…these are delicious." I sing-song. Narrowing his eyes at me he leans his head towards me until our faces are merely inches apart. "I know what you are doing here, Ms. Steele?"

"Do you know, Mr. Grey?" I shrug indifferently. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I am simply enjoying these delicious heart-shaped pancakes that my incredibly handsome boyfriend prepared for me. It isn't every day that a girl…"

"You're finished." He says prying the fork from my hand. It makes a clattering sound against the plate and then I am hauled of the chair and carried over to the Christmas tree.

"You are such a kid." I snort. My hand brushes over his hair and I carefully scrape my fingernails over his scalp. He closes his eyes momentarily and when he opens them again I see his vulnerability shining through.

"But you love me for it…" It isn't the confident Christian talking now, but the little insecure boy. But simply the fact that he is voicing this out loud is so very important. Sitting in front of me is a man who has spent his entire life doubting people, he second guesses nearly every situation, and when someone expresses their love or their interest in him, he is always waiting for the catch. And while I sit here and look into those enthralling, mesmerizing eyes I know that I will keep fighting for him every step of the way and I refuse to give up…even though I have had some valid reasons to do so…I. won't. give. Up. On. Him. I will keep believing in him like no one ever else has. This belief is unconditional, irreversible and true. And in this very moment, Christian Grey, has wholeheartedly admitted the fact that I love him.

"Yeah, I love you, Christian." I whisper. "I love you unconditionally, irreversible and forever and fucking ever."

 **Christian**

"I don't understand." Ana says looking from the picture in her hand to me.

"What don't you understand?" I ask. Ana looks so fucking cute with her lip clasped between her teeth, her hair a disarray of brown curly strands on her head and that fucking adorable v between her brows.

"Well, I am looking at a photograph of a car…"

"Not just a car, baby." I say interrupting her. "It is an Audi Q7 TDI premium plus." _Only the best for my girl._

She clears her throat. "Okay you give me a picture of an Audi Q7- something…with my company name on it. I just don't understand." _She really doesn't understand._

"It is for you, Ana."

"But I already have a car." Yeah, a tiny car that doesn't comply with the safety requirements that a car must meet. _Unacceptable._

"Well I saw the other day how much equipment you sometimes need. Besides this one…" I say tapping my finger on the picture in her hands. "Is saver." _Thus better._

That damn lips is still clasped between her teeth as the look of confusion on her face grows only bigger and bigger as the seconds pass by.

"Ana, say something here." With my thumb I pull her lips from her teeth and force her face to look at me.

"It is too much…" She whispers. "I…" Her eyes dart to the presents she gave me, which I love, and then back to me.

"Answer my question, Ana. Do you like the car?"

"Well it is not exactly a car, it looks more like a 'beast', but yeah, of course I like it, what's not to like. It is elegant, stylish and sportive at the same time and you are right I think I wouldn't have any problem at all storing my equipment in it." Her voice starts to fade and I don't like it one bit. Because I have the feeling that there is more to it then her usual reluctance in accepting my gifts.

"Ana, what is it?" Pulling the picture off her hands I throw it next to us on the floor and pull her up on my lap so that she is straddling me. She has no other option than to look at me.

"I can't maintain a car like that, Christian." She whispers. _What?_

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Well what about fees, taxes, insurance, gas, maintenance…This car is huge…I can't afford that." _Is she out of her fucking mind?_

"You don't have to, Ana. That is all taken care of."

"But look what I got for you."She says now completely disconcerted and exasperated. "And what you got for me."

"Well let's see. I got some really cool running shoes and you know what I like about them?"

"No…" She whispers.

"I love what you wrote on the inside of the lid; "Because you have been running through my heart, since the first time I met you" She shrugs still not completely convinced.

"I fucking love the Fitbit Surge also known as the Fitness Super Watch. Do you know that I have been meaning to buy this for a very long time now but that I never gave myself the time to do it? And you somehow manage to know what I want without asking." I kiss the tip of her nose, happy that there is a little smile on those gorgeous lips.

"But my favorite present is the frame with pictures showing our relationship timeline and of course the frame where you have written all the reasons why you love me."

"Do you know what my mom always says?"

This time she gives me a little, stubborn shake of her head. "She says that the act of giving is a special sort of science and that a gift doesn't have to be expensive. What matters more is the care and attention are evident in the selection of the gift." I kiss the tip of her nose, thankful that the crease on her brow is slowly fading away. "These presents Ana tell me that you have paid attention to my wants and needs. I love my presents Ana, don't doubt yourself, baby."

She looks at me from under her eyelashes and I can still see the uncertainty behind her eyes.

I wiggle my eyebrows at her what makes her giggle. "There are two more gifts under that tree."

"There is more?" She breathes.

She smiles at me when I hand her the gift and the moment she unwraps the paper she laughs throwing her head back.

"Oh God, I love this." _Figures. The cheapest gift._ She smiles her eyes darting from me to the jar in her hands.

"Chill Pills huh." She says still smiling. "Really think I need these?"

"Absolutely. And it says here that in case of an emergency you can break the glass and consume the entire bottle."

"I'll share. You can have the green ones." Placing the jar back on the floor she leans in, her hands on my thighs and brushes her lips against mine. "Thank you, Christian. I love it. I love all the gifts."

"There is one more. Here let me get it for you." The gift is small and the ribbon gives away where I bought it.

"Cartier?" She swallows and I see her getting nervous again.

"Open it, Ana." She takes her time pulling at the ribbon and when she finally opens the little box she smiles again.

"It's beautiful." Her fingers brush over the delicate, white gold bracelet and when she looks at me there are tears pooling in her eyes.

"It's a love bracelet." I explain. "A symbol of love and commitment."

She nods and gives me the bracelet. "Will you help me?" Taking the little screwdriver supplied with the bracelet I lock it on her wrist.

"Thank you." She says again. "I really love it and I love the meaning behind it. I love you, Christian."

 **Anastasia**

 _Un-fucking-believable._ He brought me a car. An Audi Q7-something. And not only a car but he also brought me a beautiful pair of black, high heels, Christian Louboutin's shoes. They are absolutely amazing. The only thing I have to figure out is how to wear them and not break my neck.

Casually he mentioned that he ordered more and that they will be delivered to Escala the first week of January. And then of course the love bracelet. I brush my fingers against the cold material and smile to myself.

Oh I need to call my dad and tell him about the car. I grab the phone that is lying on the table and without even thinking I scroll through my contacts until it dawns on me what I am doing. I still and remove my hovering finger from my phone and take a deep breath.

"What's wrong, Ana?"

I simply shake my head and throw the phone on the couch.

"Ana…"

"I was thinking about my new car and I just thought I could call my dad and tell him, but when I was about to call him I …" I shrug. _No explanation needed I guess._

"Call him." He says gently. He takes the phone from the couch and hands it to me. "It's Christmas, Ana. Forget for one day what happened and call your dad." I look at the phone in his hands and then at Christian. He is right. It is Christmas. _Forgive, let go and all that other crap._ However, I am not ready to forgive him. I need an explanation and an apology first.

Christian gives me a smile and when I take the phone from his hands and he encouragingly nods at me.

When he moves from the couch to stand up I quickly grab his hand. "Please stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I scoot closer to Christian who immediately wraps his arm around my shoulder. Before I have the chance to change my mind I search my dad's name on my contact list and push the button.

"Steele" He answers gruffly.

"Hi, daddy, it's me."

I hear him gasp and then a rustling sound. I can practically see him sitting on his oversized chair next to the window with the remote control clasped in his hand and his eyes focused on the TV.

"Annie?"

"Merry Christmas, daddy."

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart." I swallow back the tears in my throat and take a deep breath.

"I tried to call you, Annie." He says rushed. "I even went by to your apartment but you weren't there." I hear all kind of emotions lacing his voice and my dad is never emotional.

"Your neighbor wasn't there, so after waiting for you for a couple of hours I left." _He came all the way to Seattle_?

And even though I am still mad at him it breaks my heart that I wasn't there.

"I haven't been much in my apartment lately." I explain.

"Oh, have you been away on an assignment?" I feel Christian's arm tensing.

"Well I was called for a last minute assignment to Vancouver, but I've also been spending a lot of time with Christian. We are in New York now."

My dad clears his throat. "So you are back with him then?" Thankfully I can't hear any anger or resentment in his voice.

"Yes, I am." _And I am happy. Please be happy for me too._

"Is he treating you well?"

"Dad, I love him and he loves me."

"Good" Is the only thing he says.

There is a heavy silence and for the first time ever I don't know what to say to my dad.

"How long are you staying in New York?"

"We are flying back on January first. Christian needs to get back to work and so do I."

"Call me when you get back? We need to talk, Annie. I owe you an explanation."

"Okay." I whisper.

I hear my dad taking a large intake of breath before he speaks again. "Wish Christian a merry Christmas, Annie."

"I will. Bye dad." _I love you, daddy._

"Bye, Annie."

"I'm proud of you, Ana." Christian whispers against my hair.

* * *

"Are you sure you are going to eat all of that?" Christian points at my ridiculously big cookies and cream milkshake.

"It would be a shame to let it go to waste." I shrug and wrap my lips around the straw.

He smiles and shakes his head. "You are going to fall into a sugar coma if you drink all of that." He points at my. Carefully he takes a sip of his coffee and looks around in the restaurant.

"Did you come here often?" Something passes his eyes the moment he asks and I am glad that I have never been here with Noah.

"Not as much as I would have liked. I found this place on Instagram and when I saw all the amazing milkshakes they had, I just needed to come. So I dragged Peter and Adam with me."

I push my milkshake toward Christian and point at it. "Taste it." I challenge him with my eyes and then slowly he wraps his lips around the white and red straw. _Damn him and those lips._

But he doesn't stop with a little sip. "This is actually really good." He says taking another sip of the sugary goodness.

"Christian Grey!" I admonish him playfully. He laughs and shoves the milkshake back to me.

From my peripheral I see a middle aged woman carefully approaching our table. And even though she has a friendly face I tense. Immediately Sawyer and Reynolds block her path.

"Ma'am" Sawyer says.

The woman's eyes widen when she angles her head to look at Sawyer who looks frightening hovering over her like that.

"I am sorry. I heard someone saying Christian Grey and I…" She stops speaking abruptly and holds her hands in the air. "I don't mean any harm." She whispers uncomfortable. I don't know if it is the look on her face or the fact that this tiny woman is frightened because of Sawyers presence, I start feeling uncomfortable too and turn my head.

"It's okay, Sawyer." Christian says much to my surprise.

After giving Sawyer a nervous smile, the woman carefully takes a step forward and smiles.

"I am sorry but I was sitting over there with my daughter and when I saw you enter I thought I recognized you and then…" She giggles nervously at Christian's stoic expression and extends her hand. "I am rambling and I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Nicole Collins from Detroit."

I see Christian's eyes widen when she mentions Detroit and for a few seconds he just stares at her outstretched hand. Good manners make him rise of his chair and dutifully shake her hand.

"Mrs. Collins." Christian gives her a little nod with his head.

"You don't remember me do you?" Christian shakes his head and he looks like a little boy right now. His eyes are wide and he keeps blinking at her.

"My husband and I fostered you when you were little. You had to stay with us for a few months until your adoptive parents were able to finalize the adoption papers.

 _He doesn't remember._ I can see it in the way he is looking at her. He doesn't remember staying with her. I rise from my seat and go stand next to him. I can't stand seeing him so lost and confused. I slip my hand into his and smile at the woman whose smile is now fading due to Christian's lack of response.

"I am so sorry." She says taking a step back. "I caught you of guard, but I have been in contact with your parents for all these years. And occasionally I see you on the news. I just wanted to say hi. Merry Christmas."

She turns but before she can walk away Christian's voice startles me. "Wait!" Mrs. Collins turns around and smiles up at him.

"I don't remember." Christian says brushing his hand through his hair. "I would like to hear more, could you meet us in my apartment in say…" He looks at his watch and then back at her. "Thirty minutes."

"Of course." She says smiling.

"Sawyer will give you the address. Thank you Mrs. Collins."

In a swift move Christian pulls his wallet from his back pocket and throws a fifty dollar bill on the table. Without even looking at me he takes my hands and walks briskly towards the exit dragging me along with him.

From the corner of my eye I see Reynolds practically running to the car.

"We'll walk, Reynolds." Christian barks without even looking at him.

"Sir, considering the threats I would like to ask you to reconsider."

Christian stops, tenses and turns around on his heels. His jaw is clenched and his eyes narrowed as he takes a step forward. "And I said that I wanted to walk. If you got a problem with that, you can turn in your resignation, Reynolds." _Jesus, what an asshole._

Reynolds doesn't even bat an eyelid but nods his head and takes a step backwards. I whimper when Christian pulls at my arm and starts walking. _Jesus what's his problem?_

His steps are brisk and huge and after five minutes I have trouble keeping up with him. He hasn't even looked at me since Mrs. Collins showed up at our table. He went from completely relaxed and happy to completely pissed off and ass-holish.

"Christian, will you please slow down…"

"No." He grunts. _What the fuck?_

"You know if you are going to behave like a complete dick, you walk and I'll go back with Reynolds."

I roughly try to pull my hand from his and somehow I expect him to let go, but he doesn't…he keeps walking, gripping my hand harder and shaking his head in annoyance.

"Christian, stop please." _Jesus, what the hell is wrong with him?_

"Watermelon!"

He stops dead in his tracks. His eyes are wide as he stares at me and since he finally let go of my hand I rub my sore wrist. "Asshole" I mutter.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but I am going with Reynolds."

I turn around and before I can look up someone bumps into me. Hard. And because I am such a freaking klutz I lose my balance and before I know it my ass hits the ground. _Shit that hurts._ I see a flurry of red and hands groping me. This person who is trying to help me up reeks of alcohol and I scurry backwards on my butt.

"Ms. Steele, are you all right?" Sawyer pushes back the one who was trying to help me up back and extends his hand. Someone dressed as Santa Clause mutters an apology and scurries along.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened." I look behind me and that is when I see 'Santa's' head quickly turning. _Those eyes. I recognize those eyes._

"Ana?" I roll my eyes when I hear Christian's panicked voice and takes Sawyer's outstretched hand instead of Christian's.

"Ana, are you hurt?" Christian places himself in front of me and I have no other choice than to let Sawyer's hand go.

"I am fine." I snap. "Shouldn't you finish your little marathon, Christian?" I pull the strap of my purse higher on my shoulder. _I need to keep my hands occupied before they wander off to his neck._

Christian closes his eyes and lowers his head. "I panicked when Mrs. Collins showed up. I am sorry."

I nod my head once and sigh. _Patience, Ana._

"Come on, Reynolds is waiting."

* * *

Finally back in the car Christian pushes the button for the privacy screen and simultaneously pushes a few buttons on his phone.

"Grey residence, how may I help you?" I roll my eyes at the sound from Gretchen's chipper voice.

"Gretchen this is Christian Grey, put my mother on the phone."  
"Certainly Mr. Grey." She breathes into the phone. I can practically see her opening the first few buttons of her to tight blouse and batting her eyelashes. _Stupid bimbo._

"Christian! Oh what a surprise, honey! Merry Christmas. We were just talking about you!" Grace gushes into the phone and she sounds completely delighted.

"Merry Christmas, mom." Christian says sullen.

"Christian, what's wrong. Oh please don't tell me you got into another fight with Anastasia. Or are you sick?" Now it is Christian's turn to roll his eyes.

"No, mom I didn't get into another fight with Anastasia and no I am not sick either."

"Oh. Then what is it, son?"

"Well if you would just take a breath and let me speak…" Christian replies impatiently. There is no response from Grace though. Sighing Christian leans his head back and closes his eyes.

"Sorry, mom, that was rude."

"Yes it actually was very rude, but it's alright, honey. What was it that you wanted to ask?"

"Mom, do you know a Mrs. Collins from…Detroit?"

"Yes of course Nicole Collins. Her husband's name is Daniel. Why do you ask?"

"Who is she, mom?"

"Christian, Mr. and Mrs. Collins were your foster parents. We couldn't take you home directly from the hospital; there were still some legal matters we needed to deal with before we could finalize the adoption." She whispers. "You don't remember?"

"No…I don't…mom how is it possible…I remember…I mean the fucking nightmares, mom." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Mom, did the Collin's treat me right?"

"Oh yes, Christian. They are lovely people. She used to read to you every night; you were attached to a specific book. I think it was "Are you my mother" and she made sure that you ate properly…You even gained a little weight while you were staying with them."

"Why can't I remember, mom?"

"Oh, honey, that is perfectly normal. You were so little and you already had to deal with a lot of stress and changes."

" _Grace, honey…we are waiting."_ We hear Carrick calling out.

"Oh calm down, Carry. I was just talking to Christian." She says a tad annoyed. There are some muffled noises and then Carrick's voice sounds through the speaker.

"Son? Are you alright?"

Christian clears his throat and I see him swallow. "Hi, dad. Yeah I'm fine. I just needed to talk to mom for a minute." He then explains how Mrs. Collins approached him in the 'Black Tap' and how he needed some answers.

"You never asked, Christian and every time we wanted to talk to you about your formative years you would shout and yell and tell us that you didn't want to know anything about your past that you already had to deal with the nightmares. I am so sorry, son."

"It's okay, dad." Christian chokes.

"Is there anything we can help you with?"

"We are meeting her in a few minutes. I…I know it is Christmas and that you have guests, but could you please e-mail me the details of the Collins's?"

"I can e-mail you your entire file if you want, son." Carrick says silently.

"No! No, dad. Just the file from the Collin's. I will deal with that other stuff another day."

"Sure I will make sure to send it to you right away." There is a short silence. "And Christian, we are here for you, son."

"I know."

"Good." Carrick says now. "We love you and say hi to Ana."

"Love you too, dad."

"Oh here is your mother, Christian." Carrick chuckles.

"Christian?"

"Yes, mom."

"Have you spoken to your brother lately?"

"No, why should I?"

Grace sighs. "It's just that he and Kate were supposed to be here a few hours ago and I can't reach either of them."

"You know Elliot, mom. He'll show up. Have you checked the boathouse?" A wicked smile appears on Christian's face.

"He is not in the boathouse, Christian!" Grace answers annoyed. "Why would he be there in the first place? That's just ridiculous, Christian." _She really should check the boathouse._

"It was just a suggestion, mom."

"I hate tardiness…" She continues.

"Mom, I have to go."

"Okay, honey, and remember what your father said. We are here for you. I love you, Christian."

"Love you, mom."

Immediately after hanging up with his parents, Christian dials another number.

"Welch, I want a background check. Names are Nicole and Daniel Collins. They live or lived in Detroit. I want it yesterday."

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi all! Hope you liked this chapter.**

 **Don't forget to check out my Pinterest page! Please check out the pins of the car Christian gifts to Ana. I had (obviously) help from a very good friend. You know who you are! Thank you.**

 **Pinterest 1974alner /someday /**


	37. Chapter 37 - Mrs Collins

**Chapter 37 – Mrs. Collins**

 **Christian**

Mrs. Collins, or Nicole, how she insisted we should call her is a nice lady. The way she smiles and converses reminds me of my mother, Grace. She is probably a few years younger than my parents and is dressed in a simple navy pantsuit. The only jewelry she is wearing is the simple gold wedding band. Her hands nervously fidget with a package she is holding in her hands while Ana prepares us all something to drink. _What the hell is taking her so long?_

"Your apartment is beautiful." She says while looking around. "Do you play?" She asks pointing at the grand piano.

"I do. My mother, Grace, taught me." I answer proudly.

"I am sorry it took so long." Ana enters the room with a tray in her hands. "But I can't seem to figure out that coffee machine." She blushes when she places the tray on the table.

"Have you been together long?" Nicole asks while she pours a little cream in her coffee.

"We have known each other for about five years."Ana says silently. "Things got…complicated and we both went our separate way." She explains further. "We bumped into each other a little over a month ago."

"Well, you've probably heard this before, but you are a beautiful couple together." Nicole smiles and slowly places her coffee cup back on the table.

"I've brought a few photo albums. Maybe you would like to see them. It might trigger a memory."

 _Why the fuck does she carry those things with her?_ Probably sensing the confusion on my face she quickly adds. "My daughter loves looking through these albums…"

She stands, and glances over to the empty seat next to me. "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

"No, not at all." I mutter, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Maybe I should start to tell you how my husband and I became foster parents." She places the brown leather photo book on the table and folds her hands in her lap.

"Of course." My eyes dart towards the photo book and nervousness creeps into my body. I can't stand this. I can't stand the fact that I don't remember this nice woman. She took care of me for a couple of months and yet I don't remember her. I don't remember anything from that time. It's frustrating and I don't like the feeling of loss of control it causes.

"We started out as short-term foster parents after it somehow fell into our laps. My daughter had a friend whose parents couldn't take care of her. She would stay with us for days. She would come to our house right after school and she stayed the night. After a few days she went back to her own house and her mother didn't want anything to do with her anymore. The situation escalated…" Her voice fades and since I first saw her this afternoon she actually looks sad.

"We contacted social services and she was placed in our home. That is when we decided that we wanted to make a positive difference into a child's life."

"Are you still fostering?" Ana asks while holding her coffee mug in both her hands.

"Oh no! We are too old for that now." She says and blushes.

She reaches for the photo book and opens it. "You were living with us for a week when these pictures were taken." She points at two pictures and I don't even dare to look at it.

"Oh, Christian." Ana breathes. "You looked so small." Moving closer to me Ana places her head on my shoulder and I am thankful for the contact. Taking a deep breath of air I look at the photograph and I see a small little boy with eyes too big for his face wearing dark blue jeans with a light blue polo and white sneakers. I am clutching a light blue blanket against my chest and in my other hand I am holding a little toy car and I look … terrified.

"I love you hair." Ana says brushing her fingertips over the picture. "You were a beautiful boy." She whispers.

The next photo shows a much younger Mrs. Collins and a man probably around his forties proudly laughing at the camera. There is a tall, lanky girl standing next to the older couple with the same facial features as Mrs. Collins. "That's my daughter." She says proudly. "She was fourteen when you came to live with us."

I nod my head, not knowing what else to do. _I don't remember her._

"You had a big kitchen…" I hear myself say. "With a huge, wooden table and there was a jar filled with cookies on the kitchen counter."

She nods her head and carefully places her hand on my arm.

"You loved Mac and Cheese. Well you ate everything, but Mac and Cheese was definitely your favorite. You always held on to the little, blue blanket and when the children would get too loud, you would hide…"

"In the kitchen cabinet…" I finish for her.

"Yes." She whispers.

"But you never got mad." I state and remember how the pimp would drag me out of my hiding place and kick me if I so much even made a fucking noise.

"You somehow felt safe there. So my husband cleared the cabinet and even placed a few cushions so that you at least would be comfortable."

I nod my head as I try to recall the details she is sharing with me. I don't remember the cushions but I do remember the cabinet.

"There was a cat?" I ask unsure. "And chickens?"

"Yes." She beams. "Mr. Snuggles. You loved him. At first you were terrified, but soon you two were joined at the hip."Knitting her brows in confusion she stares at me. "Mr. Snuggles disappeared from one day to another, though, and the chickens belonged to the neighbors."

"Who is that?" Ana points at a taller looking boy with red hair. There is something about his face that is unsettling.

"Oh, dear…I don't remember his name now." She shakes her head in annoyance and sighs. "I am sure it will come to me in a minute. But he was so troubled." She sighs. "He was placed into our care because his mother wasn't able to take care of him. He was always fighting for attention and when your parents came by to visit you, and they came every day, he would sit with them and be on his best behavior. It broke my heart to witness that."

"My parents came to visit me every day?" I ask.

"Oh yes. Every day and sometimes they would bring your brother." She smiles fondly. "He was such a sweetheart with those sparkling blue eyes and those blonde curls. He was very protective of you too." She says nodding her head. "He talked so much." She laughs. "And he was a little loud too and then your parents would tell him to use his inside voice, he would nod his head and then he started to whisper, but he never stopped talking." _Not much has changed then._

"My brother, Elliot, he owns the biggest construction company in Washington State and he is getting married in a few months."

"I know and you also have a little sister, Mia." She says. "I stayed in touch with most of the adoptive parents. Most of the time the contact would diminish as the years passed, but not with your parents. They kept us informed about your developments and occasionally they also would send us a picture." _Typically Grace._ I think to myself.

"How long did I stay with you?"

"About two and a half months." She responds matter of fact. "You were such a brave little boy."

 _I really wasn't._ I remember Mr. Collins being too tall and his boots scared me. He had a loud voice and huge, calloused hands.

"Oh and you loved the book called 'Are you my mother'. Every night before you went to bed you would climb on one of the chairs, you would pull the book from the shelve and give it to me. I would sit by your side and I read it to you. You always made me read it to you a couple of times before I could convince you to go to sleep." I chuckle and look at the picture one more time.

Slowly, little snippets of memories come back to me. "There was also a swing in the back yard and a little pool…the house…your house was blue." I whisper.

"Yes, it was exceptionally warm those few months so my husband bought one of those inflatable pools." Her face falls. "You weren't allowed to go in the pool though because of your injuries. The risk for infections was too big."

"Oh, now I remember that little boy's name. It was Jack Hyde." _What the fuck?_

"Jack Hyde?" Ana asks.

"Yes. Jack Hyde I am sure of it." She says matter of fact. "It was so sad. Because he really caused a lot of trouble. The real trouble started a few days after your parents came to pick you up. He started to physically harm the other children. And even though we knew his behavior derived because of the trauma he already had endured we weren't able to handle him anymore and we asked the case worker to remove him. We struggled with this for a very long time because we knew that he would keep bouncing from home to home making his behavior worse each time." I feel Ana's nails digging into my thigh.

"The last thing I heard from him through the agency was that he had won a scholarship and graduated at the University of Detroit with honors. I believe he studied English Literature." She muses. _Fuck! It's him!_

"Can I look at that picture one more time?" Ana asks.

"Of course."

"Look at his eyes, Christian." Bringing the book closer to her face, Ana intently studies the photograph. "In this picture his hair is red and the Jack we know has dark blonde hair." She says, but mostly to herself.

"Do you know him?" I hear Nicole asks.

"If he is who we think he is, then he is one of Ana's neighbors in the building she has her studio." I offer. No need to tell her that I already did a background check on this fucker and that something tells me not to trust him.

"A studio?"

"Yes, Anastasia is a free-lance photographer." I say and fuck if I don't feel proud. I almost pull out Ana's laptop to show her Ana's work.

"I was meaning to surprise my daughter with pictures of her daughter but somehow since she lives here in New York and I still live in Detroit it's hard to arrange. The time we spent with them is short and…"

"I would love to make some photographs." Ana offers smiling.

"How old is your granddaughter."

"She is six months old and the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen." She says proudly.

Reaching for her handbag, Nicole pulls out a small leather wallet and shows us a picture of indeed an adorable little girl.

"She is beautiful." Ana says. "What's her name?"

"Hope." Something passes her eyes as she looks down at the picture of her granddaughter.

"Well, it would be an honor to photograph little Hope." Ana says giving back the photograph. If you have the opportunity you could bring her here. Do you have something in mind? A theme?" I smile and I just love seeing Ana like this.

Ana start spewing ideas and Nicole is getting more excited with every passing second. While the women are chatting I fire a text to Welch and Taylor.

 **I need to know about Jack Hyde's whereabouts. Now.**

* * *

"You don't mind do you that I suggested for her to come here with her granddaughter? I mean you have so much space and I saw that one of the guestrooms would be perfect." She is rambling and fidgeting with her fingers.

"Baby, this is your house too." She looks bewildered for a second and then nods her head slowly.

"I could help you." I offer carefully. I am trying to keep our conversation casual to avoid the buzzing sound in my ears. I see her grinning at me as she stands on her toes to kiss the top of my nose.

I hear her talking about being her assistant but the noise in my head and the beating of my heart is too loud. Through the noise I hear her warning me and saying that photographing babies is a challenge. And all I want to do is hold her, maybe she can keep me from losing my fucking mind.

She walks to the table and starts placing the empty mugs back on the tray when she looks back at me over her shoulder.

"How do you feel?" She asks rising back to her full height. Brushing my hands over my face I am tempted to brush everything away. But this is Ana asking. I can't and won't lie to her. Besides, she can see right through me. The buzzing in my ears is getting louder and louder and the pressure on my chest is unbearable.

"Fucked up." I answer honestly. "I mean how the fuck is it possible that my birthmother, my own flesh and blood didn't give two flying fucks about me." I can feel my heartbeat rising and I close my eyes and press my lips together. _Panic._ Swiftly I am overwhelmed by a wave of panic. It is taking over my body and there is nothing I can do to fight it. What if there are more things I don't remember?

My hands and feet feel numb and tingle at the same time, but I fight it. _I can't lose control. I can't fucking lose control. Fight it, Grey! Fight it!_

"I was her son! She left me alone, Ana!" I yell even though my voice sounds different.

I try to focus on Ana but everything seems hazy and distant. I see her moving towards me. She looks confused and frightened. Her eyes are wide and glassy. And I know she is calling my name, but I can't respond. I am warm and cold and I feel like I am chocking. "Ana…I…don't…" My arm feels so heavy but I only need Ana.

 **Anastasia**

His face looks flushed and his hair is all over the place as he keeps pacing and yanking the collar of his shirt in frustration.

"I was her son! She left me alone, Ana!" He says, but his voice…his voice somehow sounds distorted.

He continues to pull at the collar of his shirt and his breathing is becoming ragged. "Ana…I…don't…"

"Christian! Christian! What's wrong?" He is swaying on his feet and his eyes turn away even though he is trying to focus on me. He lifts his arm and that is when I notice that his skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat, his eyes huge and wide while he is gasping for breath and shaking. And it is like he wants to say something but then he collapses on the floor.

I close the distance in a few steps and again I feel like this isn't happening. Like I am having an awful dream that I can't seem to wake up from. I kneel down and take his hand in mine and I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. His eyes are wide open, his body still shaking and he looks absolutely terrified.

"Christian! Christian! Talk to me….wh-at…what is going on?" Oh my god, he is having a heart attack.

"Christian, this isn't funny." I say and I can hear the terror in my voice. Something tells me that I need to relax, but I can't. Something is wrong with him.

"Taylor!" I scream. "Taylor!" _They can't hear me, they are too far away._

I hesitate when I look down at Christian, but I need help…I need Taylor, Sawyer, someone.

I run to the door and yank it open. "Taylor! Sawyer!" I scream.

When I run back to Christian I hear heavy footsteps on the stairs and what feels minutes later but is just only seconds Sawyer and Taylor are standing in the living room.

"Ms. Steele?"

"Taylor…I don't know what's happening…one moment we were talking and his breathing started to become ragged and he was pulling at the collar of his shirt…His voice sounded so strange and then he collapsed. I don't know what's happening. Oh my god, we need an ambulance." Taylor sits on his haunches next to Christian and checks his pulse. He looks so freaking calm!

He turns around to look at Sawyer who is standing behind him and nods his head ones. Immediately Sawyer pulls out his phone and calls 9-1-1.

"Mr. Grey! Christian, I think you are having a panic attack but Sawyer is calling an ambulance." He looks at me briefly and gives me a reassuring smile. "Hold his hand, Ana." I do exactly as Taylor tells me and start rubbing my thumb over his knuckles.

Christian's body remains trembling and I don't think I will ever forget the terrified look on his face. His eyes are open wide as her stares at me. It is like he knows what's happening but he can't control his body.

"Concentrate on your breathing, Christian." Taylor says calmly.

"Breathe in…" He waits five seconds. "Breathe out…" surprisingly; Christian does exactly what Taylor tells him to do. Christian's eyes are fixed on Taylor while he slowly talks to him.

"You are doing a good job, Christian." Taylor encourages him. Christian's eyes dart to mine full of panic. I smile and nod my head still caressing his hand.

I have no idea how long it takes for the ambulance to get to Christian's apartment and I don't even know who let them in. Probably Reynolds who guides the EMT to where Christian is lying on the floor.

One of them, an older looking man, starts asking me questions; his name, age and what happened. With my eyes strained on Christian I answer every single question. I watch them put a mask over his mouth and it is so surreal. _This can't be happening._ It is when they open his shirt that I snap out of it. I gently push his hands back and shake my head. "Please, don't touch his chest or back if not necessary. He has Haphephobia." He nods his head once and turns his attention back to Christian.

"Christian, you are having a panic attack we are going to take good care of you." The EMT starts. But Christian's eyes are pinned on mine.

"Miss, I would like to ask you to step away. I need to establish eye contact with him and help him calm down his breathing." I nod my head but I am unable to move. I need to stay with him. He needs me.

"No!" I scream when I feel hands on my shoulders trying to pull me away from Christian. "I need to stay with him!" The hands are too strong and Christian's hand slips away from mine.

"Ana, listen to me." I am suddenly facing Taylor whose hands remain on my shoulders. "Christian needs to focus on the EMT and he isn't doing that when you are there. He will be all right, Ana. You heard the EMT he is having a panic attack."

"I want to go with him to the hospital. I need to be in the ambulance with him." I ramble. Behind me I hear the EMT buckling Christian on a stretcher.

* * *

"Why don't we go down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee?" Taylor asks. He hasn't left my side the entire time. Sawyer is posted outside of Christian's door and he was the one to drive with Christian in the ambulance. Somehow my presence was too distracting for Christian.

I stare at him and at the closed door. "The nurse just told us that they are still running some tests, Ana" He rises from his seat and extends his hand. "Sawyer will let us know the moment you can go in to see him." He shows me his phone and nods at Sawyer who nods back.

"Okay." I concede.

* * *

"The coffee is horrible." Taylor says giving me one of his rare smiles.

"Hospital coffee." I state shrugging my shoulders and take the coffee cup to my lips. Despite the fact that it's Christmas, the cafeteria is buzzing with people. I spot a mother with two children standing at the sandwich stand. The kids appear to be not much older than six years and they somehow can't seem to decide which sandwich to choose. I smile when I see them going back and forth and there is even a little argument when both kids want the same sandwich. Other people are quietly talking together sitting at the horrible white tables. Reynolds is standing at the door. Hands on his back and taking in his surroundings.

"Do you have children, Taylor?"

He seems surprised by my question but then the stoic expression he normally wears slowly falls of his face to be replaced by a smile.

"I do. I have a daughter. Her name is Sophie and she is six years old." He says proudly. Punching a few buttons on his phone a picture of a little, blonde girl fills the screen. She is smiling widely at whoever took the picture. She has the most beautiful blue eyes and front teeth she is missing makes her look adorable. My eyes dart to Taylor.

"She is a beautiful little girl, Taylor. I bet you will have to keep the boys away with a stick in a couple of years." His smile is immediately replaced by a scowl and a low grumble sounds from his chest.

Before he has the change to react his phone chimes with an incoming message and he immediately rises from his chair.

"That was Sawyer. They have finished with the tests."

* * *

"Ah you must be Ms. Steele." A young looking man with dark brown hair and blue eyes says when we reach Christian's room.

"Hello." I say extending my hand.

"I am Dr. Hayley." He says smiling showing me perfect white teeth. His eyes dart to Taylor who is standing a few feet away from me and gives him a little nod. His eyes then turn to look back at me.

"Christian is doing fine. To be absolutely sure about the diagnosis we performed a thorough physical examination." Casually he puts his hands in his slacks and widens his stance.

"Since Christian suffered from a severe panic attack we would like to keep him here for a few hours. I offered him to contact my colleague, a behavioral therapist, who can teach Christian breathing and muscle relaxation techniques to help him gain a sense of better control over his body during another possible panic attack. But he declined." _Of course he did._

"Christian told me that he has been dealing with a lot of stress these last couple of weeks and that he knows what triggered the panic attack, so he won't need any medication. He also told me that he would contact his psychiatrist as soon as he gets home."

"Panic attacks are very frightening, the anxiety Christian just felt is traumatizing and the whole experience is the worst a person can have. He might feel a little dizzy, week and tired for a few days and the best way to get his body back into balance is to work out or walk."

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Be patient with him. He refused to tell me what had caused the panic attack but I sense that there is something traumatizing underneath it all. He might feel confused and angry even." I try not to snort. _Oh I am sure he will be angry._

Dr. Hayley motions with his arm to the door. "You can go in now. He fell asleep just a few minutes ago. If he wakes up and feels good enough to leave he can go. I will ask the nurse to start with the release forms."

"Thank you, Dr. Hayley."

* * *

"Please have a seat, Taylor. You don't have to keep standing." I say pointing to one of the chairs in the room.

"I will give you some privacy." He replies opening the door. "I will be right outside with Sawyer if there is anything you need."

"Thank you, Taylor, for everything."

"You are welcome, Ms. Steele." _Ah, we are back to Ms. Steele._

As soon as Taylor closes the door I take a seat on the chair closest to Christian's bed. He looks peaceful. He has his hands folded over his stomach and his head turned slightly to my side. It's not often that I can watch him sleep so I take my time taking in every detail of his face.

His curly, copper colored hair falling over his forehead. I smile remembering our conversation yesterday about cutting his hair. Christian was right, I should never be allowed to cut his hair again, well actually anybody's hair for that matter.

He is beautiful, but that is just a very small part of him. Sure I fell for the handsome, mysterious and very angry guy when I first met him but I just knew there was more to him than his beautiful face.

When he started to open up to me I could almost feel the struggle he had with his sense of worth. He constantly told me, especially in the beginning, that he didn't have a heart and that he was unlovable. Back then I couldn't wrap my head around what he was saying even though I sometimes could see his vulnerability. But now I understand completely why he felt that way. His mother had abandoned him, he was repeatedly abused by her pimp and then Elena brainwashed him.

And now after twenty years, he has found out that he had been living with foster parents for more than two months, something that his mind had completely shut out, probably because of the intensity ant the trauma he had endured.

His carefully build walls where were washed away with the knowledge that something happened all those years ago that he didn't know. He simply had forgotten.

Confusion and loss of control was not something Christian can handle very well. And then the overload of information, hurt and confusion drove him to a panic attack.

I sigh and let my eyes slide over his body. I love him. I love him so much it hurts. Christian is attentive, loving, passionate and intelligent. His passion to save the less fortunate is typically Christian. But then again, he is like Jekyll and Hyde. Two faces. The hard, cold and aloof CEO who demands only perfection from his employees and the warm, thoughtful and caring boyfriend, who will do anything to make me happy.

And I want to make him happy too. I love the feeling of his chest brushing against my breast when we are making love. I love the way our hands fit perfectly together as a perfect puzzle. I love when he wakes up, groggy and with his hair sticking to all places. I love the way he laughs. I even love his futile attempts to tell a joke. I love…everything about him.

I saw how much it hurt him the other day when I said no to move in with him. He tried to hide it, but I saw it in his eyes. _Rejection._

Maybe I should give him, _us_ a chance and move in with him. Because deep down I know that he didn't ask me to move in with him to make me his. That was five years ago. He has changed, grown and so have I.

 **Christian**

 _The images are rushed and blurred. There is a blue house, the big kitchen, the jar with cookies. I feel safe and ...calm but the feeling of calm is quickly replaced by fear. Pushing, someone is pushing me ... someone wants to take my blanket ... it's my blanket. Mine. My mommy gave me the blanket._

 _Where is mommy?_

 _My car ... no, no, do not steal my car. The boy is much bigger and stronger than I am ... his hands I can see his hands ... his fingernails are dirty and he squeezes my arm ... it hurts, but I can't cry._

 _Mommy says that boys don't cry and when I cry the man with the cigarette hurts me…don't cry Christian…don't cry…you have to be a good boy for mommy, Christian. Hide in the kitchen and don't cry. I am a good boy, mommy. I will not cry…_

 _He is hurting me; the big boy is hurting me! I bite my lip and try to push him away but my car falls from my hand and then I see the boy trampling it with his foot. No! No! That is my car…my mommy gave me this car. It is my favorite car…my mommy said it was a red car. I think I love red. I love mommy too… The boy has red hair and mean eyes._

 _The boy laughs…he broke my car. He broke my red car…don't cry, Christian._

" _Hi, I am your big brother." The boy says. The boy is big and laughs a lot…he also talks a lot. The lady from the hospital is here too. She smiles at me. She smells good too and her hands are soft and clean._

 _The boy, I believe his name is Lelliot tells me that we are going to move to a big house with a pool. I don't know what a pool is. And that Grandpa Theo has an orchard full of apples. I like apples._

 _Lelliot talks and talks and he tells me it is okay that I can't talk because he is going to teach me everything because he is my big brother._

 _Lelliot and the nice lady have left in a really big car. Lelliot waved until I couldn't see him anymore. Now we are seated at the table and the other lady gave us a really big glass of milk and a cookie. Everyone is making noise…there is so much noise. Then the woman turns around and the big mean boy with the red hair eats my cookie. Don't cry, Christian…don't cry._

"Christian! Christian! Wake up please, Christian." I feel soft hands on my face. I wake with a sob catching in my throat. Ana's face is close to mine and her eyes show relief and worry.

"You were dreaming…" I nod my head once and try to get the fog of that fucking dream to lift up.

"You were talking…" She gives me a little smile that doesn't reach her eyes. She shakes her head and slides her soft hand against the scruff on my face. Slowly the fear I just felt is replaced by warmth and comfort.

"Can you please talk to me?" She says now her eyes pooling with tears.

"Come here." I pull her against me, my hand covering the back of her head, my arms heavy and sore.

"I thought…" She sniffs and turns her face in the crook of my neck. "I thought that something bad was happening to you…"

"I'm sorry that I scared you, Ana." Shaking her head furiously she tries to look at me, but I am not ready yet. I am not ready to open up so I gently push her head back down to the crook of my neck.

"Its okay, Christian. It's okay." She murmurs again and again in my ear.

But it's not okay. I feel it and I know Ana feels it too.

* * *

I already knew that fear paralyzes you. However anger, that always fueled me. I used to think anger was an igniting feeling. Now…sitting in the back of the car with Ana's small hand in mine, I don't think it is igniting. Anger is a helpless emotion and it is absence of control. And all of the skills I developed over the years, all of the control, all of the power…I have no use for it. The anger and fear is controlling me. And I hate being out of control.

Sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, Ana's eyes glance towards my phone. Where there is another call from my mother. Her concerned eyes dart to me for a brief moment. Sighing she shakes her head and turns her attention back to the passing scenery.

"Maybe you can call John." Ana says softly the moment Taylor maneuvers the car into the underground garage. I hear her, but decide to ignore her.

Ana doesn't let go of my hand and I feel her eyes fixed on me the moment we step into the elevator. Taylor nods his head and then just before the elevator doors close I see his eyes lingering on Ana and giving her a small smile. _What the fuck is that all about?_

"Shall I fix you something to eat?" Hopeful yet worried eyes glance up at me. She is standing with her hip leaning against the kitchen counter. Her other hand firmly planted on the white marble. Her maroon painted nails a huge contrast against the white marble of the countertop.

"No."

"We still have some leftovers from yesterday." She says now turning away from me and opening the refrigerator. "Or I could make you some Mac and Cheese." She says now giving me a small smile.

In another situation, when I didn't have a panic attack in front of my employees and girlfriend I would have laughed and teased her about how she sucks at making Mac and Cheese. But today I feel like an ass.

"Your Mac and Cheese tastes like shit, Anastasia. Besides I am not hungry." I turn around but not before seeing the hurt flashing in those red rimmed eyes.

"Oh." She whispers sadly..

With purposeful strides I make my way to my bedroom and shed my clothes. I feel her following me into the bedroom and then because I am a major dick I stride towards the bathroom and close the door, deliberately shutting her out.

The hot water doesn't help with expelling the filthiness that I feel. The shame, the humiliation and the fucking nightmares. It doesn't wash away the feeling of worthlessness. My entire life I have been pushed away degraded and abused. But I took back control the moment I started GEH. I proved them all wrong. The boy of Detroit with the whore mother was now a self-made billionaire. I was in control of everything and everyone surrounding me. At least, that's what I thought. This until a woman named Nicole Collins unexpectedly came into my life and told me that she had taken care of me for two and a half months. Two and a half months that I didn't remember. The little boy, who hid in cabinets when his surroundings got too loud, was too traumatized and too fucked up to remember such pivotal event.

And now I am reduced to a pathetic, trembling, worthless piece of shit that even lost fucking control over his bladder. _I wet myself in front of my girlfriend and employees. How fucking humiliating._

"Fuck!" I whisper over and over again. Until the tears stuck in the back of my throat are preventing me to breathe.

"Fuck!" I scream over and over again.

Immediately the door flings open. "Christian, what's wrong?"

"Out! Get the fuck out of here, Anastasia! And leave me the fuck alone!" Her hand flies to her mouth and then her head falls down to her chest. But instead of leaving as I asked her, she remains rooted to the spot, her hand still clasped around her mouth.

"Just for once in your life do what I ask you to! Leave me the fuck alone." I yell from the top of my lungs.

Startled she jumps up her eyes wide with shock.

There is shame, there is guilt but I don't move. Not even when Ana slips on the wet floor and falls to the floor. She whimpers as her head hits the tiles while her face morphs into a grimace. Holding back a sob I watch her scrambling from the floor clutching her wrist but not even once does she look back.

With my hands bracing against the shower tiles I let out a roar. "Fuck! Fuck!" I scream until my throat hurts.

 _Don't cry, Christian…don't fucking cry._

* * *

 **Author's note: Due to the upcoming holidays, I will not be updating for next two weeks. I will see you all on January 3.**

 **Merry Christmas!**


	38. Chapter 38 - Damaged goods

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

 **Chapter 38 – Damaged goods**

 **Anastasia**

Deep down I was expecting Christian to be hurt and angry, but I wasn't expecting him to reject me the way he just did. It hurts. The pain is unbearable, cutting deep. I pause on the top of the stairs and close my eyes tightly taking a few deep breaths. My wrist is throbbing as is my head. _I really am the world's biggest klutz._

Gingerly is start walking down the stairs. I feel dizzy and my heart feels as if it going to burst out of my chest at any given moment. I know that his behavior is caused by the frustration, anger and pain he is going through right now, but what does it say about me if I just keep tolerating such behavior?

Why? Why does he keep doing this? Why does he keep treating me this way? As I reach the end of the stairs the dizziness increases and I slowly lower myself to sit on the stair step.

 _Where do we go from here?_

I have no idea how long I have been sitting on the stairs trying to steady my heartbeat but I feel him before I can actually see him.

"Ana" I roll my eyes at the weak sound of his voice and I have half a mind to stand up and walk away out of this apartment and out of his life. But I can't. It would destroy him, and in the end it would destroy me too. I then remember Flynn's comment about Christian's troubled childhood, the neglect and the social isolation resulted in Christian's inability to deal with emotional situations.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…"

"Really, Christian? Another apology?" I hiss.

From the corner of my eye is see him lowering himself on the stairs too. He is sitting next to me now, only wearing a towel around his waist. _He could at least have put on some freaking clothes!_

"I am so sick and tired of your apologies, Christian. Every time something happens that is out of your control, you take your anger and frustrations out on me. Well, I've had it." I clear my throat as my voice cracks at the end.

"What do you expect me to do, huh? Do you expect me to stay with you so that you can keep insulting me? If I do, I will only loose myself in the process and I don't want that." _Because there will be nothing left of me._

"You promised that you wouldn't leave me…" He says in that unsure voice. And suddenly I can't take it anymore.

"Grow up!" I say rising to my feet. "Grow the fuck up, Christian Grey. I understand your anger and your…your fucked-up-ness as you call it to a certain extend. I know you have been hurt. I know that your birthmother left you…but you are not that little boy anymore! You are a grown man! You are twenty six years old, Christian. You have therapy from one of the best know psychiatrists in the country…for years! And yet you still keep reverting back to that anger when things go out of your control. Jesus!" I wince the moment I wave my arm in the air and clutch my wrist.

"Jesus Christ, Ana. You need to see a doctor." Christian says now rising to his feet and walking towards me.

"Don't change the fucking subject." I whisper. "You can't keep treating me like this. You have to stop this." I say with a strangled voice. And really, at this point, I don't know if I should yell, cry or just pack my bags and leave.

"You are talking about promises, right?" I continue and ignore the pain in my wrist for the time being. "You have promised me a ton of shit and yet you break your promises every fucking time. I honestly don't know when the other shoe is going to drop. I can't gauge your moods, I don't know which way is up or which way is down…" Taking a deep breath I force myself to stop yelling and compose myself.

"Christian, you need help… from a professional."

 **Christian**

She is right. She is absolutely right. I can't keep doing this to her. I need to apologize. I need to make things right and take her to the hospital as soon as fucking possible.

"I don't want to leave you…but I don't know what else I should do anymore." _No! She can't leave!_

"Don't leave me." I plead. "Please, Ana. I promise that the first thing tomorrow I am going to call Flynn. I promise to not…"

"But you keep promising me that, Christian. And you keep your promise for a week…" She huffs. "Not even a week! A day! And you go back to yelling at me."

"I know I should have given you space…" She whispers. "But I just wanted to help you.

I wasn't planning on entering the bathroom." She continues. Her eyes are now averted. "It's just…I heard that loud noise and I thought that you fell, because the doctor told me that you might still feel dizzy and weak. It wasn't my intention to suffocate you." With her sleeve she wipes the tears from her face. Her shoulders fall and she sighs shaking her head in what to me looks as a sign of defeat.

Turning around on her heels she makes her way towards the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and starts rummaging through it until she finds what she is looking for. When she turns back around she is holding a frozen pack of peas in her hand and holds it against her wrist.

"Let me look at your wrist, Ana." I plead taking a step closer to her.

"No!" She says and her voice is so forceful and angry that it takes the breath out of my lungs.

"Go and put on some clothes and we will talk. Because we have to talk, Christian." She says now in a more gentle voice.

* * *

It takes me less than five minutes to run to my room and change into jeans and a t-shirt.

"Ana!" as fast as my legs can carry me I walk towards the kitchen. The only reminder that Ana was here is the pack of peas on the kitchen counter. _Ana, where the fuck are you?_

I run back to the first floor and open every damn door. _Empty. Fucking empty._

"Ana!" I yell.

"Sir?" Sawyer startles me when he exits the staff quarters.

"Ana. I am looking for Ana. I can't find her." I ramble and look passed his shoulder to look into the office where I hear a little bit of commotion.

"She is right here, Sir." He pushes the door so it is fully opened and steps to the side.

"No, I don't want to go to the doctor." Ana whispers. "An icepack will do first." She says looking at Taylor.

"Ms. Steele, your wrist looks swollen and bruised and I think…"

"Can I see?" I say entering the room. They both look startled and Ana immediately pulls her sleeve over her wrist.

Taylor scurries out of the room and closes the door behind me leaving me alone with Ana.

"Let me see, Ana." I plead. Tears start filling her eyes as she looks at me. Her bottom lip is trembling and she is nervously fidgeting with the hem of her sweater.

"Maybe I am not good enough for you, Christian. Maybe I am the one who is making this worse. I am sorry for…"

"Don't even fucking say that." I growl pushing her against my chest. "Don't even apologize. If there is anyone who should be apologizing, it should be me, Ana."

Cradling the back of her head with one head I kiss her forehead a few times. "I am sorry, Ana."

When she starts to cry harder I start to worry and lean back so that I can cradle her face. I brush the hairs stuck to her forehead to the side and that's when I see a huge bump on the side of her face.

"Christ, Ana!"

"When I slipped I also bumped my head against the wall…" She says dismissively.

I brush my lips against the bruise on her head and slide my hand down her shoulder to her arm. "Now, let me see that wrist."

"Not before you tell me why you reacted that way." She says stubbornly and carefully pulls her hand from mine.

"Because I'm damaged goods, Ana. Don't you see?" I reply with a sigh.

Taking a deep breath she shakes her head. "When are you going to get it through that incredibly thick skull of yours that you aren't damaged goods, Christian? I can't even comprehend how you must have felt today after Mrs. Collins' visit. For someone who thrives on being in control, that must have been…overwhelming and terrifying. But you know what, Christian? You are human…and showing vulnerability, especially towards someone you love and trust takes courage, but it's not a weakness."

"You saw me at my worst, Ana." I hang my head down in shame and close my eyes tightly as the events crash back into me.

"I felt so fucking helpless. In an instant I was reduced to that boy in Detroit…"

"But you are not that boy anymore." She says cupping my chin and forcing me to meet her eyes.

"You are so strong, Christian."

"Ana…"

"Hush…" She says giving me a small smile. "I want to be your favorite place to go when you are having a good day _and_ a bad day. Without guilt, shame and without restrictions." She says gently, her thumbs grazing my chin.

"You were right at the hospital I was having a fucking weird dream…but I think, I think those were memories, but I am not sure."

"Tell me about that dream." She says gently. And it never seizes to amaze me about Ana's patience and understanding. But for how long? How long is she going to accept my shitty behavior and mercurial moods?

There is a soft knock on the door but before I can even bark to whoever it is to go away, Ana beats me to it.

"Come in!"

"I am sorry for the interruption Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey." Gail is standing at the doorway with an icepack in her hands.

"Its okay, Gail. Please come in." Ana says and scoots back into her chair.

"It's that Taylor told me that your wrist looked quite bruised and swollen." She hands Ana the icepack and takes a step back while wringing her hands in front of her.

"You might want to let a doctor look at that wrist, Ms. Steele."

Biting her lip, Ana stares at Gail and nods her head.

"Do you know each other?" I ask.

"Yes." Ana smiles shyly. "When you went to change Gail entered the kitchen. She had prepared us some food. When she saw my wrist she told me to let Taylor have a look at it."

Gail smiles back and wrings her hands in front of her. "Ms. Steele, please let me call a doctor."

I see Ana clenching her hand into a little fist, but then she takes a deep breath. "Okay, thank you, Gail."

"Let me look at that wrist now, Anastasia." I say the moment Gail closes the door behind her.

Reluctantly Ana slides her sleeve up and I grind my teeth in annoyance. "Jesus! Christ, Ana!"

"Don't touch it." She whispers when I want to brush my fingers against the bruised and swollen skin.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you." I whisper. "I scared you and you slipped."

"I didn't slip because you yelled at me. What scared me or better said, what hurt me was the pain and anguish in your eyes. Falling is nothing out of the ordinary for me." She shrugs. "You should know that by now."

With her lip clasped between her teeth she starts shifting in her chair, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.

"Christian, I meant what I said; maybe I am not good for you. Maybe you need someone who is more…obedient."

 _Is she fucking kidding me_? "You are everything I need and want. You are perfect. It is me who has to change. I know that I maybe didn't deserve the second chance you gave me, but I am pleading with you, Ana, please don't go."

When she lowers her head and her bottom lip starts quivering I can already see her in my mind packing her bags and flying back to Seattle.

"Ana, did you mean what you just said?" Pushing a wayward curl behind her ear she looks at me with those beguiling blue eyes of hers.

"What do you mean?" She sniffs.

"You said that you wanted to be my favorite place to go whether I was having a good or a bad day…"

"Of course I meant that." She replies incredulously. "Christian, I love you."

"I love you too." I breathe. My hands seek hers for comfort.

"When Mrs. Collins started talking about that time…I lost it. I couldn't understand how I could have forgotten such important part of my life. And then I started to panic…if I had forgotten staying with the Collins, what probably was a happy time, what had I forgotten about my time with the crack whore?"

She nods understandingly. "Then find out." She says softly.

I nod.

"Christian." She says her eyes watering again. "I made a decision and I want you to keep an open mind…" My stomach is recoiling with fear, because even if she hasn't spoken the words, I know what's coming.

"Please don't go, Ana. I know I behaved horribly, but please, I beg you, don't leave me." With my hands on her shoulders I have to refrain from shaking some sense into her.

"Christian, I can't keep going on like this. It's like I am sacrificing my own happiness for you." Shrugging free from the hold I have on her shoulders, she lovingly takes my face in her hands and forces me to look at her.

"Christian, this isn't healthy." She whispers fighting the tears. "It seems that our relationship is defined by conflicts and fighting and I don't want that, and I know that you don't want it either. This isn't making us happy and if we continue like this we are going to end up feeling as if the life has been sucked out of us and we are going to resent each other." Clumsily she climbs on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

"I will give you space…" I mutter against her hair. "I'll give you everything you want, Ana, but just please don't go."

I don't know how long we sit like this, but there is another knock on the door. Ana growls softly against my neck and for the first time since I returned from the hospital I feel the corners of my mouth lifting in amusement.

"You know that I love you, Christian." She states ignoring the knock. I nod my head still buried in her hair. The smile has left my face and I wrap my arms tightly around her waist.

"I need this, Christian." She leans back until she is able to look at me and I don't like the fact that her chin is trembling.

"Talk to Flynn, Christian. And talk to your parents."

"Then do this with me, Ana." I whisper.

"I can't Christian. You need to do this alone. I am leaving now for the hospital and then I am going to get a hotel room. I will be back in a couple of days. In the meantime I want you to talk to Flynn…please, Christian."

"Will you call me?"

"I promise."

"Take Sawyer with you, Ana."

"I will. You know that I am doing this for us right?"

She looks at me waiting for a reply. But I can't.

When I just keep staring at her she continues after a soft sigh. "I want to emphasize that I am not breaking up…I think we need some time apart. You need to deal with stuff and you need to do that alone. We jumped back to the old us really quick, Christian; we really need to slow things down." I lower my head the moment I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks.

"It's okay to cry, Christian. Remember that I love you, okay?" Gently she squeezes her way between my legs and I immediately wrap my arms around her waist.

"It's okay…" She whispers against my hair. "Just let it all out, Christian." And I do just that. All the years of pent up angers and sadness, I let them all go as I cry against Ana's belly.

There is another soft knock on the door. "Five minutes please." Ana says.

Detangling herself from me she cups my chin in her hand and forces me to look at her. Ever so sweet she kisses the tears from my cheeks and smiles through her tears.

"I need to go now. I will let you know what the doctor said, okay?"

"Okay…can I call you, Ana?"

"I would love that." She says holding back a sob. Sighing she leans her forehead against mine for a few seconds.

"I love you, Christian Grey."

* * *

"I yelled at her. I told her to leave me the fuck alone." Clearing my throat I fist my hands in my hair and pull, welcoming the pain. _Physical pain is better than this fucking ache in my chest._

"Why?"

"Shame mostly."

"And where is Anastasia now?" Flynn asks.

"She thinks we need a break and she left about two hours ago. She is staying in a hotel actually two blocks from here and she took Sawyer with her."

"And how do you feel about Ana wanting to take a break, Christian?" _Motherfucker._

"Fucking peachy, John. I am elated and so fucking proud of myself that I am about to do a fucking cartwheel." I growl.

I ignore the raise of his eyebrow and continue. "I feel like a dick. I treated her atrocious, she doesn't deserve that. And then while she was trying to get out of the bathroom she slipped and fell. She hit her head against the wall and she also hurt her wrist. And I didn't do anything, John. I just stood there, feeling angry and ashamed. It was only after I calmed myself that it hit me what happened and what I had done to her… _again_."

"Was it broken? Her wrist?" John says with concern etched on his face.

"She just send me a text message. X-ray showed that it is sprained. She needs to let it rest."

He nods and brushes one hand over his face.

"What do you want from me, Christian?" He asks and I believe he is holding back a sigh.

"I need your help. I need to change. I need to get this anger under control or I am going to lose her forever."

"We've discussed this before and every time you promise change or a new therapy…" He leaves the words hanging in the air.

"At this point, John, I am willing to do about everything to get her back. I want to be normal."

Silence stretches between us. "I don't know where to start. I can't see the forest through the trees…" _For the first time in my adult life I don't know how to handle a situation._ I shake my head in annoyance and lower my head and blink away the tears.

"I want to have a normal conversation with my girlfriend without me ending yelling at her or dismissing her. I want to control that fucking anger that is always waiting on the fucking surface."

"You talked about shame." Flynn says carefully. "Can you clarify it for me?"

"There are a lot of things I feel ashamed about but mostly…" I swallow and my mind flashes back to the moment I lost complete control of my body and mind and collapsed on the floor. The feeling of being utterly helpless and depended of others.

"I understand how difficult it must be for you to put this into words" Flynn says pulling me out of my thoughts. "I want you to start exploring that shame. Take time to think about it. What is the shame about, specifically? What is the first time you remember feeling this shame? Who made you feel this way? I know it is a lot but I really want you to think about it. In the meantime I am going to contact an associate of mine; she specializes in dealing with complex trauma and PTSD patients. But you have to be willing to commit to this, Christian and I can assure you it is going to be extremely hard."

"Okay." I answer meekly. Because I don't want to put Ana in a position again that she has to leave me because I am a complete and utter asshole.

"I will send you her details and I want to encourage you to make an appointment as soon as possible."

I nod and stare at the phone on my desk. _No messages from Ana._

"John, why can't I remember the Collins?"

"Trauma." He says simply. "Christian, the things you went through during your years with your birthmother and then you witnessing her overdosing…" He shakes his head. "You told me that after your mother's … procurer left after he found out she was dead, suddenly the apartment was filled with people…you were pulled away from your mother without any explanation what so ever. Christian, those days that followed in the hospital, were extremely traumatizing and imposing. Your brain simply blocked your time with the Collins."

"And what if I don't remember _other_ things? What if…"

"When a child with your history is admitted in the hospital they have to perform a very thorough physical examination and they are required to document all findings." He is telling me that I should contact my parents, but that is not something I am looking forward in doing, especially not over the phone or Skype. I need to see their faces clearly to make out every expression.

"Thank you for talking to me on such a short notice, John. I appreciate it." Without waiting for his reply I end the Skype session and lean back into my chair.

* * *

Glancing at my phone on my desk for the umpteenth time I sigh when I see that there are no new messages from Ana. It has been a little over five hours since she decided to have this little break and it is tearing me apart. Even though she kept reassuring me that she wasn't breaking up with me but that she needed a little time for herself and that I needed to work on myself. The words she spoke to me before Taylor drove her off to the hospital keep going round and round in my head.

My laptop dings notifying me of an incoming e-mail. Taking a healthy gulp of my bourbon I shove closer to my desk and open the e-mail, and like he promised Flynn just send me the contact details of a Dr. Eva Kendall, clinical psychologist.

At this point I think I would even sell my soul to the fucking devil just to be able to fix this. I want her to be happy and I know that if I don't change she will leave me.

* * *

It has been a torturous night, well at least what was left of the night, full of nightmares and flashbacks. I haven't spoken to Ana since the last time she called me last night to tell me what the doctor had said and it has nothing to do with the fact that she hasn't tried to call me, because she has. I just have nothing new to tell her. I still haven't found the courage to contact my parents or Dr. Eva Kendall.

I snap out of my thought when I see Taylor taking a peek through the half open door. _What the fuck?_

The moment he sees me watching him he uncomfortably clears his throat and enters the kitchen.

I encourage him to speak by only lifting my eyebrow.

"Sir, Ms. Steele called me to check up on you. She said you weren't picking up the phone and she was worried." _Then maybe she shouldn't have left._ I think bitterly.

When I nod my head I expect him to scurry away and leave me the fuck alone, but when he keeps standing there, hands behind his back and that fucking stoic expression on his face I know that there is something else he wants to share with me. _Great._

"What?"

"Sir, we got word that Jack Hyde is in New York. He has been here for the last couple of days."

"Increase security on Ms. Steele. I want someone outside her hotel room."

"Already done, Sir. Carol Prescott is talking to Sawyer as we speak."

"Was that all, Taylor?"

"Ms. Steele asked to contact her, sir. She is really worried about you."

"So you've said, Taylor."

For the next couple of hours I keep myself occupied with work. And even though I switched my phone off I keep glancing at it. _Pathetic._

When I woke up this morning the first thought I had was about Ana. Was she safe? Did she have a good night sleep? Then my thoughts went to her sprained wrist and seconds later the shame and guilt ripped through me. _How the fuck could I have let things go so out of control?_

Then the guilt and shame where quickly replaced by anger. Ana says she hasn't broken up with me, but what is it then? She refuses to be with me, help me in what I think is the most difficult thing I have to do. As my girlfriend she should be with me, right?

So now instead of answering her numerous calls and text messages I am ignoring her, like the huge dick I am.

It takes me another two hours to put my phone back on and yet again I ignore Ana's missed phone calls. She has tried to contact me seventeen times. There are seven text messages.

 **I hope you had a good night sleep. I love you. Ana x.** I snort. _Yeah I slept fucking fine, Ms. Steele._

 **Christian, I tried to call you but you don't pick up your phone. Are you all right? X Ana.**

 **Christian, I am worried, please pick up the phone. Ana X**

 **I just met Ms. Prescott. She seems nice. Sawyer explained that it has to do with the fact that Jack Hyde is in New York? I love you. Ana. X**

 **Please call me. Ana x**

 **Taylor just told me he passed my message to you. I didn't know you liked to play games. But if this is the way you want to do it…fine.**

I slam my hand against the desk. Now she thinks I am playing fucking games but I am just trying to get over this…well whatever this is. Didn't she want space? Well I am giving her fucking space.

I debate whether I should call her, but I immediately decline the idea. First I need to get my shit in order.

First I make an appointment with Dr. Eva Kendall. Next on my lists are my parents. To say they are surprised and worried would be a fucking understatement.

* * *

"She is staying in the Meadow Suite, Sir." Taylor says giving me a tight smile.

"I'll be down in a few minutes Taylor. Have you contacted Stephen?"

"Yes, sir, the jet is ready to leave whenever you are." It seems like he wants to say more, but decides against it. Considering my mood and what I am about to do, I think it is actually for the best.

It takes me less than five minutes to reach Ana's suite and I am pleased when I find Prescott standing outside her door. She straightens her stance and gives me a small nod when I reach the room.

I immediately spot Ana sitting Indian style on the king size bed, her back turned towards me. She is silently humming to herself while she looks at several photographs on her laptop. Looking around me I know understand why Ana choose this hotel. With the high ceilings, full length windows and doors leading onto a private terrace it has a beautiful view and it is spacious and somehow calming.

"Hi" I say taking a step forward. Ana's head snaps to look at me and the shock is replaced by anger and then hurt. She opens her mouth to say something, but then her brow furrows when she sees that I'm wearing a suit.

"Hey, uhm…you scared me." Pushing her laptop to the side she turns around to face me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." _Even though I am making a habit of it lately._

She is nervous as her eyes dart around the room and then her teeth sink into her lower lip. "I called you." She whispers.

"I know, but I was taking care of things, just like you asked me." I don't mean to say it so briskly and I immediately regret it when I see a flash of hurt in her eyes.

"Of course." She swallows and then points to a chair.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"Only for a moment." I say and I wonder why the fuck I decided to do what I am about to do.

"I am leaving for Seattle." I blurt out. "The jet is ready to leave as soon as I reach the airport." I quickly look away as I see the fear in her eyes.

"You…you are leaving to Seattle?"

I just nod once not knowing what else I can say.

"Alone?" She whispers.

"Yes, Ana, I am going to Seattle alone."

"Why…" She clears her throat and when I look at her I see her bandaged arm that was just out of my view and the tears falling on her cheeks.

"And why are you acting so cold and distant?" Then her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes widen even more. "I pushed you away…" She says now not even looking at me. "Oh my God…" Clumsily she rises from the bed and starts pacing the room. "I actually pushed you away…fuck."

"Ana…"

Ignoring me she continues with the pacing, murmuring things that I can't even understand.

"It was never my intention to push you away, Christian."

"Ana, you aren't pushing me away." I finally get up my chair and walk to where she is standing. She looks so tiny and vulnerable in that sweatshirt and jeans she is wearing that I pull her against my chest.

"Fuck, Ana, you are not pushing me away." I whisper against her hair.

"But you are leaving, you are cold and distant, you look just like when you broke up with me…" A sob catches her throat and she tries to push herself away from me.

"I am not leaving you." I say slowly while holding her upper arms. "I am not breaking up with you. I told you that I love you and that I want this with you, Ana, forever." She is looking at me but it seems as if the words don't come through.

"Ana, are you listening to me?"

She blinks a few times and then her eyes focus back to mine. "So, you are not breaking up."

"I am not…come we need to talk." Taking her hand in mine I guide her towards one of the love seats in the room and pull her on my lap.

"I first want to apologize for the horrible way I treated you yesterday…" When she opens her mouth to protest I simply shake my head. Surprisingly she closes her mouth and gives me a little shrug.

"You were right; the information Mrs. Collins shared with us made me loose all control." I take a deep breath and smile at the look of pure love she is giving me. "Slowly memories were coming back to me and like I told you yesterday, I can't help but wonder if something else might have happened that I don't remember." She nods understandingly but her eyes fill with tears nonetheless.

"I talked to Flynn and he suggested to talk with my parents and he referred me to a clinical psychologist. Her name is Eva Kendall. I called her this morning and I managed to get an appointment for tomorrow morning, a consultation."

"I am proud of you." She says placing her head against my chest.

I roll my eyes. If she only knew that I am fucking terrified about what I might find out she wouldn't be so proud of me.

"I need you to keep Sawyer with you at all times, Ana. I'd prefer you didn't go out, but I can't expect that you keep yourself hauled up here in this room."

And then what she says next surprises me. "Would you mind if I stayed at your apartment then?"

"I thought you didn't like my apartment." I reply partly teasing her. Because I am fucking delighted that she wants to spend time in my apartment.

"Well it's big…" She shrugs. "But it's yours and I will feel closer to you that way…that is if you don't mind of course."

"I love it that you want to spend time in my apartment."

"How long will you be gone, Christian?"

"I expect to be back in New York for the gala and if for some reason I won't be able to make it, I will definitely be here for Peter's exhibition."

A bit of the tension leaves her body and I feel her nod against my chest. "I will miss you."

"And I will miss you too, baby."

"Will you call me?"

"Every chance I get." Carefully I brush my fingers over the bandage covering her arm and sigh.

"It doesn't hurt anymore, Christian. And don't blame yourself, please." I simply raise my eyebrow at her comment. "You, Ms. Steele, are a horrible liar."

She sighs and blushes. "Okay, it hurts just a little but it's not that bad, I promise." She holds her bandaged arm for me to see and moves it a couple of times. "See?" She says stubbornly.

"Why were you so cold and distant, Christian?" Standing from my lap she reaches for her shoes and starts putting them on.

"That's the best way to deal with my feelings." I admit shamefully. "I thought that if I acted this way it would be somehow easier to leave." She simply stares at me.

"And maybe I was mad at you…for leaving me."

She nods and when she finished putting on her shoes she wraps her arms around my waist and sighs. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No…I am not. I understand why this is necessary…I really do." _Even though I don't like it._

"Call me when you land in Seattle?"

I reply brushing my lips against hers. "Promise."

Ana is crying when I step back in the car. I see her talking to Taylor briefly and he bestows her with one of his rare smiles before he walks around and gets into the driver's seat.

"I love you." She mouths at me giving me a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"I love you too, Ana."

And without looking back I know she is watching us drive into the New York traffic and I can't help but wonder if I am making the right decision.

* * *

 **Author's note: Just a little warning…the next chapter is going to be a little intense, but remember; HEA!**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Alner X**


	39. Chapter 39 - Uninvited guest

**Chapter 39 – Uninvited guest**

 **Anastasia**

My phone dings with an incoming message and my chest flutters thinking it is a message from Christian. I am fairly disappointed when I see that it is a message from Reynolds telling me that he will be here in twenty minutes to pick us up.

I force myself to pull my eyes from my phone and concentrate on the photographs on my laptop. Then my eyes dart to my watch and I realize that Christian's plane probably just took off and that I won't be able to talk to him for the next six hours or so.

I sigh when I realize that there is nothing in the photograph I have been staring at for the last thirty minutes, needs to be touched or photo-shopped. It's perfect as it is. Not that anyone else will ever see this picture, but still. It is a picture of Christian's arm and part of his leg. _It's hot. Incredibly hot._

I click to the next image of Christian only wearing his sweatpants, hands behind his head with that brooding look on his face. _Perfect._

With a sigh my eyes wander off to the window. Am I doing the right thing by letting him do this all by himself? Shouldn't I have at least gone with him to Seattle to be by his side? Wasn't that what I have repeatedly told him? What the hell have I done? I shouldn't have left him. We should have talked. We should have called Flynn, even if it was late on Christmas day. I maybe could have called Grace and asked her about Christian's adoption files. _What have I done?_

He was mad and rightfully so; I mean who wouldn't get confused? Especially Christian with his sense of worth and abandonment issues. _Shit I fucked up._ Sure I needed space and time to think and gather myself, because the way he reacted was wrong, very wrong. But the longer I think about it, the stronger this disconcerting feeling in my chest grows.

I wince when a sharp pain curses through my wrist and mindlessly I reach with my good hand to the nightstand to grab a painkiller and that I when I see someone sitting on the chair Christian was sitting in when he visited me. Hope surges through me when I think that maybe Christian changed his mind and he came back. But when I fully turn around it isn't Christian. My eyes dart from the strange woman sitting in my hotel room to the door and then to the floor. _Prescott._ She is lying on the floor, her eyes wide open, staring at me. She looks absolutely terrified.

"Took you long enough." The strange woman says. She looks at Prescott lying on the floor and then back at me. "Don't worry about her…I simply drugged her. She will feel like shit when she finally comes by...that is if she survives, of course." Chills run up my spine and my eyes dart to my phone that is just out of hand's reach.

"She is able to hear and feel everything, though." She continues while playing with a gun in her hand. I notice a slight accent when she speaks but I can't really pin point it. _Who the hell is this woman? And where the hell is Sawyer?_

"It's a paralytic drug that has her paralyzed from the neck down…I'll give her forty five minutes and then she will suffocate, unless of course she can be kept alive using a respirator, and then she will be okay." She shrugs and while those ice cold eyes of hers are strained on Prescott I throw another glance at my phone.

"Don't even think about it." She says now and the sarcasm has completely left her voice.

"Who are you?"

She gives me a scary as shit smile and shakes her head. "Not important." Her eyes are on me and then she looks passed my shoulder to my laptop screen.

"What do you want?"

Smiling again, this time a bone chilling smile, that reminds me of Elena Lincoln, she stares at me for the longest time. That unnerving smile plastered on her face. She is dressed in black. Black pants, black boots, black hand gloves and a black coat. Her red hair is pulled back in a tight bun, but something tells me that red isn't her natural color. She also has an ugly scar on the left side of her face.

"I was told that you were a little mousy girl, but I guess I was misinformed." She says totally ignoring my question.

"You are actually…" She looks around her, that gun still dangling on finger, searching for the right word. "…beautiful…" My eyes automatically fly to the ugly scar she has on her face that runs from her eyes to her mouth. It is jagged and somehow still fresh.

Her eyes harden immediately and she grips the gun tighter in her hand. _Well shit._

Gritting her teeth she slowly rolls her head from one side to the other and she sneers. "He was the best escort I've ever had." Her eyes zoom back to me as I feel the color leaving my face.

"I had the best time training him…he was so eager to learn the ropes…pun intended." She winks at me making her face hard and ugly due to the scar on her face. She points the gun back to my laptop "Trev was, despite his hard limits, a highly sought-after escort. Most clients would be put off when they heard that he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as them, he didn't want to kiss them on the mouth and he had some real issues with touch…" She laughs coldly. "But like I said, despite all of that, they only had to take one look at his photograph and they wanted him."

It doesn't matter how hard it is, but I keep looking at her. "And then Leila came along…oh she was beautiful…actually she looks a lot like you. And I think your handsome boyfriend really had a thing for her at some point. You know she was…fragile and he was always there to help her."

"They made a beautiful couple together. You know…" She says sitting straighter as if she suddenly remembered something really exciting. "I believe they even went out together a couple of times and they briefly shared a room due to the expenses." _It's not true, Ana. She is lying. Christian would have told you. She is lying._

"Everything was going so well and then that old son of a bitch Trevelyan had to stick his nose where it didn't belong. Suddenly the Department of Labor was asking questions and we had no other options than to move on. Everything we worked so hard for went up in smoke due to that old bastard. I wanted to kill him, you know? But Elena stopped me." Her eyes shine with malice and I briefly wonder how someone can turn out like her.

"It's too bad though that you had to stick that nose of yours in my business…and Elena just wouldn't listen to me, that stupid bitch really thought that she would get the five million…she became sloppy and greedy and you know why?" _What the hell is she talking about?_

"Do you know why?" She yells making me jump.

"N-no…"

"Because she wanted him…she tried to mold him into her little pet, but he refused and then when she was able to lure him into the escort business and she was sure that you were far away in England, she really thought she would get him back…but he turned her down…again and again and again…and that made her crazy. She hates you, you know?" She is now petting her gun in a very disturbing manner and I lower my eyes. _I need to get out, I need to help Prescott. God, poor Prescott._

 _Think, Ana, think!_

"You have no idea have you, Anastasia?" She cocks her head to the side. "Anastasia is a Russian name? Did you know that?"

I hear a horrible gurgling sound coming from Prescott and my head snaps to look at her. She is already struggling to breathe and it is horrible to see her like this. The tears slowly gliding down the side of her face while her entire body seems to be in an agonizing pain.

"Please let me help her" I plead. "I promise to do everything…" Clumsily I try to slide of the bed and at the same time I grab my phone; that is when I see a flurry of black coming towards me and a low guttural growl when something hits me on the side of my head. The pain is excruciating as it spreads through my head. The moment I try to shield my head with my arm it is roughly pushed away and I feel a hand closing around my neck. While she is holding my sprained wrist in a tight hold over my head she squeezes really hard until I actually feel my wrist breaking. I whimper and close my eyes. _Help! Someone help me!_ I scream in my head.

"You just had to stick your nose where it didn't belong huh?" Her face is awfully close to mine and I am trying to concentrate on her eyes but I can't breathe. Even though she has released my wrist, I try to push her away but my hand hurts so much and I don't have any strength. _I am going to die. She is going to kill me…_

"Well at least that stupid reporter won't be able to do anything anymore, I took care of her…did she really think she could dig up all that dirt and walk out unscathed?" _She hurt Annette._

"Ple…ase…" Different thoughts and images are running through my head as her hand tightens around my throat. Christian giving me his shy smile, my mother hugging me, fishing with my dad.

Instead of listening to her I try to pry her fingers from my throat as I watch her lips moving. She is talking but it seems like she is so far away. She is too strong and I lose all fight when I see her raising her gun to my head. There is a little clicking sound and then I watch in horror as her mouth turns into a sneer and she mouths the words "bye, bye'' to me. Next there is deafening bang…and I am surrounded by blackness.

 **Christian**

As we approach the airport and the distance between Ana and me grows, the only thing I can think about is how much I miss Ana and how much I want to be with her. I'd love to be in bed with her, and this has nothing to do with fucking her, because she is better than that, she is more than that. I just want to lie next to her. I want to hold her soft body against mine and protect her from anything that might come her way. I want to kiss her forehead as she lays her head on my chest and feeling her heart beat as she is soundly asleep in my arms. I want our bodies intertwined…I just want to feel connected with her, _be_ with her.

Then what the fuck am I doing? Why the fuck am I leaving the love of my life alone in New York?

What the fuck are we trying to prove?

I start to feel restless and just as I want to tell Taylor to pull the call around; I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. _Elliot?_ Perfect fucking timing as always.

"Elliot?"

He sounds out of breath as if he is running. "Fuck! Christian! Where the hell are you? It's Ana…she is hurt…she…was attacked…" _No! No!_

"What the fuck are you talking about, Elliot? I just left her and she was fine…"

"Do you think I am joking?" He screams into the phone.

"Where is she?"

"Hospital…hell broke loose man…just go to the hospital!"

"What fucking hospital?"

"Bellevue hospital…hurry man…just fucking hurry…"

 _Prescott is fired. Sawyer is fired. Everyone is fucking fired!_ "Taylor! Bellevue hospital!"

"Where the fuck was Sawyer, Taylor?" I yell completely losing my fucking mind while Taylor tries to get us to the hospital as soon as possible.

"I don't know, sir, I can't reach him."

"He is fucking fired!" I bellow.

"There might be a reasonable explanation, sir…"

"A reasonable explanation? There were two officers there to protect her, Taylor. Tell me what kind of reasonable explanation could there be?" I don't get any response this time and let's be honest there isn't anything that he could say right now that would satisfy me.

One hour is it what it takes Taylor to drive us from the airport to the hospital. The moment I step out of the car I see my brother pacing in front of the doors.

"Where is she?"

"Christian, you need to calm down man…"

"Where the fuck is my girlfriend, Elliot!"

It terrifies the fuck out of me that my brother actually seems scared. I have never seen my brother looking like this.

"Have you seen her, Elliot?"

He just nods his head once. "There was blood man…a lot of blood…her face…they also brought someone else in…a woman. I tried to go in with her saying I was her brother, but they refused… I really tried, Christian." Elliot is crying now and I grab his shoulders when the room starts spinning. _Blood there was blood, on her face. I never should have left…_

I feel a pair of hands supporting me and I am rushed towards a closed door. They place me in a chair and I just let everything happen. "Sir, Ryan is trying to speak to the nurse in charge…"

"I need to see her, Jason. Make it happen."

There is a lot of movement in the room; a door opening and closing, footsteps, scraping of chairs over the linoleum floor. I look up when I hear someone clearing his throat. _Taylor._

"What did you find out, Taylor?"

"I just spoke with Sawyer and Reynolds, sir. A few minutes after we left the hotel, Sawyer was called by reception about a package that had arrived for Ms. Steele. While Sawyer was talking to the receptionist Reynolds arrived to pick up Ms. Steele. He told him to go up to Ms. Steele's room to get her bags and equipment. When Reynolds arrived at the room he saw that Prescott was missing from her spot. When he entered the room he saw Ms. Steele and a still unidentified woman struggling."

After a soft knock the door opens and Ryan walks in followed by a young nurse. Her eyes scan the room quickly. "I am looking for Christian Grey?"

"That's me…" I rise from the chair and support myself on the table in front of me. I have the feeling that my legs can't even support my weight anymore.

"Ana is asking for you, please follow me." She says giving me a tight, nervous smile.

Even though there is little time for questions I do it anyway. "My brother saw my girlfriend being brought in and he said there was a lot of blood…" _Please tell me it wasn't hers._

"We've cleaned it up as best as we could, but it wasn't her blood." She says breathlessly. She licks her lips and I watch her eyes quickly scanning me from head to toe. _Forget it woman._ There is only one woman for me and she is behind this closed door. I glare at her, silently chastising her for her unprofessional behavior. She probably gets the hint because with her eyes downcast she takes a step back and points to a closed door.

Before opening the door the nurse speaks up what gives me no other choice than to look at her. "She is in a shock and …" I don't listen to her anymore because I need to see Ana. I give the nurse a curt nod and push the door open. Ana's face immediately turns in the direction of the door. _Oh fuck._

Her face has an unhealthy white color. She has a huge bruise on the right side of her face and her normal, sparkling eyes, are dull and get impossible huge when I enter the room. As I step closer I see remnants of blood in her hairline and the white bandage that was wrapped around her wrist when I left is now gone and she is cradling it against her chest.

"Ana…" I am standing next to her bed in less than two seconds brushing her hair from her forehead. Her chin is quivering and the tears just keep falling from her eyes to the side of her head. Her eyes are drooping with anguish as she slowly breaths in and out while she tries to deal with the pain.

"It's okay now, baby…you are safe…" I whisper.

"I was just telling Ana that she was very lucky…" My head snaps in the direction of the sound to a guy dressed as a doctor, holding a chart in his hands. He looks young, too fucking young to be standing here. I look at the closed door expecting his dad to walk in every moment.

"Lucky?" I growl.

He completely ignores me and continues. "Ana might encounter difficulties swallowing also a sore throat or neck. We would like to keep her here for the next twelve hours in case she gets breathing difficulties which is very common after strangulation." _Strangulation? Fuck, I am going to be sick._ My eyes drift to Ana's neck and that is when I see the ugly bruises.

"We luckily didn't find any injury in the soft tissues in the neck. However I want to advise to minimize speaking as much as possible." The doctor places the chart on a side table and breathes out slowly. "There are two detectives waiting outside to talk to Ana but due to a Colles' fracture we need to set her wrist."

"The detectives will have to wait and what the hell do you mean by a ..." I say when he interrupts me with a smug smile on his face.

"A Colles' fracture is a break in the larger of the two bones in your forearm. The bone is broken on the lower end, close to where it connects to the bones of the hand on the thumb side of the wrist."

The asshole could've just said a 'broken wrist' but I decide to ignore him and focus back on Ana.

"It is a clean break so she will not need surgery, that's positive." _Positive my ass, you fucking dip shit._

"If you want to step outside I will get Ana fitted for her cast."

"Step outside?" _Dumb fuck._ "I don't think so. I am not leaving her side."

"It is hospital protocol, setting the cast can be painful and…"

"Christian is staying…" Ana says with a trembling voice, cutting him off. _You tell him, babe._

The kid starts to think it over until he finally nods his head once giving me a bright smile, showing me his perfect white teeth. "Let's do this." He says brightly rubbing his hands together.

"Well, Ana, your cast looks totally badass." The doctor says as if he is talking to a five year old and I am positively sure that Ana is rolling her eyes at his stupid enthusiasm.

"Be sure to elevate your wrist above the level of your heart for the first few days. This will ease the pain and the swelling." He looks at me and then back at Ana and it looks like he wants to say more but decided against it. Giving Ana's leg a little tap he nods his head. "Good luck, Ana."

She gives him a tight smile.

"Christian?" Ana's voice sounds raspy and painful and when I look down I am overcome with so many different emotions that I don't even know what to feel. One thing I know for sure. I won't be leaving her anytime soon again. We are going to be joined at the fucking hip for the foreseeable future.

"Seattle?"

"I am not going to Seattle, I am staying here with you…but you heard the doctor, Ana…try not to speak, baby." She nods her head.

"Are you hurting?"

She shakes her head no. "Scared." She raps.

"Don't talk baby…"

"I am sorry…" She shakes her head again, fervently, and starts tugging at my hand. Wincing she moves in that small bed and makes room for me.

"Ana, I can't…"

She swallows and I close my eyes when I see her wincing and carefully placing her hand against her bruised neck. "Please." She rasps. "Hold me."

Toeing of my shoes I climb in bed with her and she immediately curls up against my body. Her head on my chest and her legs entwined with mine.

And I know that she shouldn't be talking but the question is out of my mouth before I can stop it. "Can you tell me what happened, baby?"

Her body tenses and the hold she has on my jacket intensifies. "It's okay…later okay?" I whisper against her hair.

She just nods and relaxes back into me. The lack of sleep and the fact that I have my girl back in my arms makes me doze off too. I wake up when I hear the door opening and see my brother's big head poking through the door.

When he motions with his finger to meet him in the hallway, I manage to untangle myself from Ana without waking her and tiptoe to the door.

"Elliot, what is it?"

He shrugs and pulls the Santa clause hat from his head. _What the fuck is he wearing?_

"I was worried man…You have been gone for over an hour and I thought something was really wrong with her." He shakes his head and scratches his chin in a very irritating way. "How is she?" He breathes glancing at the closed door.

"She is scared, from the little information I got someone tried to strangle her…"

"Jesus Christ. Do they know who did this?"

"I don't know, Ell…I…"

"Look why don't you go back to the security team, they are still in that room and Sawyer just entered a few minutes ago. I'll stay with Ana." I am torn because I don't want to leave Ana but on the other side I really need to know what happened. _Where the fuck was Prescott?_

"Just go man and if she wakes up I will call you immediately."

"Fine" I admit reluctantly. "Let me get my shoes." When I turn around to open the door I turn back to look at my brother. "Have you called mom?"

"Yeah, I did…"

I can't help but chuckle at the face he is making right now. "And how did that go?"

"She managed to make me feel like a ten year old again and I couldn't even see her face." He shrugs and he actually looks contrite. "I fucked up, little brother." Brushing his hands over his face he shakes his head and points to Ana's room. "Get your shoes and find out what happened and if you need help killing someone, I'm your man." He gives me a playful wink and just like that, my stupid brother is back.

"Elliot, one more question; what's with the costume and what the hell were you doing in my apartment?"

"Those are actually two questions…" He smirks but it quickly morphs into a frown. "I have been in New York for a few days and this…" He points to his red jacket and shrugs. "Long fucking story."

* * *

"You!" I say pointing to Sawyer who immediately stands from his chair and straightens his body the moment I step towards him.

"What the fuck were you thinking? I hope you have a hell of an explanation, Sawyer!" But I don't give him a chance to reply and start looking around me in the room.

"Where the fuck is Prescott?"

"Sir, Prescott is being treated at this moment. From the little information we got from her doctor it seems that the attacker used a paralyzing drug…they have put her on a respirator." I hate being in the dark about what happened, but as it seem the only one who know what and how things happened is Ana and she is not ready to talk about it.

"Is she going to recover?"

"She will, Sir."

"I want a report on my desk as soon as possible." Then I turn to look at Sawyer. "I want a report from you too, within two fucking hours. And you'd better have a fucking good explanation as why you left your post, Sawyer."

"Who attacked my girlfriend?" I look at the men who are now all standing looking at me.

"She hasn't been officially identified yet, Mr. Grey, but according to Reynolds description, the woman who attacked Ms. Steele, was Ms. Lincolns accomplish, Ms. Esmeralda Wayne."

"Was?" I ask almost feeling a sense of relief.

"Yes sir, when Reynolds entered Ms. Steele's room and saw the struggle, he saw no other option than to eliminate her. We just spoke to the detectives and it seems that Ms. Wayne was the same person who attacked Ms. Quinn." _Well I hope she rots in hell._

"Are you sure that she is dead, Reynolds?"

"Positive, sir. I pulled her body from Ms. Steele's and when I checked she had no pulse. She is gone."

"I told the detectives that Ms. Steele wasn't ready to answer questions, Mr. Grey. They will contact you in a few days to set up an appointment."

"Thank you, Taylor."

* * *

Hands on her hips and blue eyes flaring with anger look up at me. _Well, she is definitely feeling better._

"I am not leaving this hospital without seeing Prescott, Christian." She whispers.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I bite back telling her that she is being incredibly stubborn and that I want to get her home where I can take care of her. Instead I breathe in and out and point to the wheelchair.

"Sit" Rolling her eyes and muttering something under her breath she obliges.

Reynolds is standing outside Prescott's door and the moment he sees Ana his face softens.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Steele?"

"I'm fine…and thank you Reynolds…Christian told me that you were the one that…that…"

"It's my job." He says cutting her off.

"If you wouldn't have been there…" Uneasily she rises from her wheelchair and standing on her toes she wraps her arms around his neck. Reynolds' eyes are big and uncertain as he look at me while he awkwardly pats her back. Unwrapping himself from the bone-crushing hug he opens the door to Prescott's room and nods. "Sir, Ms. Steele"

Ana's body is trembling from head to toe when we enter Prescott's room.

"Carol I am so sorry…" Ana starts. "I am so, so sorry…" _She is on a fucking first name base with her protection officer?_

Ana's hand carefully wraps around Prescott's. "I didn't know what to do…" She continues.

"Ms. Steele, I should be the one to apologize…she caught me off guard…it is my job to protect you."

"Can you tell us what happened?" I ask now taking a step further into the room.

"Of course, Sir." Sitting straighter she clears her throat.

"Sawyer had left his post to check out a package that was delivered for Ms. Steele. Before he left, he told me that Reynolds was on his way. I saw her rounding the corner exactly three minutes after Sawyer left, but before I could even react I felt something hitting my arm…it took three seconds to lose feeling in my body. She dragged me into Ms. Steele's room where she waited until Ms. Steele noticed her." Ana is holding her breath while the tears start to fall from her eyes. She still hasn't told me what happened because every time I ask she gets this haunted expression on her face and I let it go.

"I will have the report send to you as soon as possible, Mr. Grey."

"Forget about the report for now. Taylor has arranged the plane for you and as soon as you are released we are flying you back to Seattle. I need you to be fully healed for when you return back."

Her eyes flash with surprise. Did she think I was going to fire her? _Well, initially I was..._

"Do you have someone you can stay with while you recover?" Ana asks still holding her hand.

"I do, Ms. Steele." Prescott gives her a smile and something passes between them.

"Good." Ana says now releasing her hand. "If there is anything you need, please call us."

"I will, and thank you."

"Oh and Carol." Ana says smirking. "When you get back, we'll celebrate with M&M's and tequila."

"What was that all about?" I ask as I push her chair out of the room. Ana shrugs and gives me a little wave with her hand. "She happens to love M&M's and tequila too."

"And you know that after knowing her five whole minutes?"

Another shrug. "When I was waiting for you to return my calls I asked her to sit with me. I just kept asking her questions and in the end she caved when I offered her M&M's. I like her, Christian. Don't fire her."

xxx

"Ms. Steele, welcome back." Gail is smiling at Ana and ushering her to the living room.

"It's Ana, please."

"All right, Ana it is then." Gail says after giving me a quick look.

"Would you like something to eat, Ana? I just finished making Mac & Cheese since it is one of Mr. Grey's favorites, but I can make you something else, maybe a little bit of soup?"

Without Ana even noticing, she is sitting on the couch and like a true mother Gail has draped a soft white blanket over her legs.

"Mac & Cheese is fine, Gail and thank you." She swallows again and I swallow back a remark about her talking so much, even though her voice sounds a lot better than yesterday.

"But this is supposed to be your vacation…" She whispers looking at Gail.

Gail waves it off. "It's my job and I love taking care of you."

"Are you just going to stand there looking at me like I am some kind of freak?" She whispers sadly.

"You are not a freak, Ana." I sit beside her and she immediately covers my legs with the fluffy blanket.

"You never went to Seattle." She whispers.

"No I didn't and it actually would make me feel better if you would limit your talking, Anastasia…Ana…I mean Ana." I quickly correct myself which earns me a little smile.

"I need to say some things to you." Her eyes widen with fear and I quickly place my hand over hers in a gesture of reassurance. "And I have a lot to say and I want to ask you kindly not to interrupt me." I wink at her a quickly kiss her cheek.

"I want to apologize to you again about the way I reacted when we got back from the hospital the other day." I can see by the way the takes a deep breath that she wants to reply but when I playfully arch my brow she presses her lips together and rolls her eyes.

"You don't deserve that, you don't deserve anything that I said to you the last couple of weeks and it is a fucking miracle that you are still sitting here with me and that you haven't packed your bags and took the first flight back to Seattle." I keep brushing my fingers over her cold hands to somehow keep myself grounded.

"I spoke to Dr. Kendall while you were at the hospital and she assured me that she was able to help me. She told me however that if I wanted to succeed in fighting those fucking demons that I need to push my insecurities and fears away." She nods her head while her big blue eyes keep locked on mine. "But I can't do this alone, Ana." I bring her casted hand to my lips and kiss her fingers afraid to look at her. _Afraid to be rejected._

I look up though when I hear a rasping sound and then I see she is crying. Fuck! What does this mean? I never know what those tears mean. Happy tears? Fuck, please let them be happy tears.

Wincing she clears her throat and then she slowly brings her hand to my face. She is smiling through her tears, so that means she is some kind of happy, right?

"I will help you." She whispers. "I shouldn't have left you, Christian." She is quiet for a brief moment and then her eyes start filling with tears again.

"We are making a mess out of this…" She points with her hand between the two of us and she looks sad.

"But I've never been someone to back away from a challenge…and being separated makes us both miserable…but please…don't yell at me anymore."

Instead of making another promise I carefully bring her face to my chest and kiss the top of her head.

"Thank you, Ana."

* * *

"Here you are, Ana, Mr. Grey." Gail places a tray with two bowls filled with Mac & Cheese and two glasses of ice water on the table.

"I also made you some cookies." Gail says smiling. "M&M's cookies. According to the guys they are delicious and chewy."

"M&M's cookies?" Ana says now perching up on the couch.

"But first you need to eat the Mac & Cheese." I say sternly.

Gail pats Ana's hand and adjusts the blanket over her legs and winks at her. "I'll bring the cookies in a moment. Enjoy your meal."

Scooping a forkful of food I mimic an airplane and bring it to Ana's pouty mouth which earns me an eye roll and a little twitch of her lips.

I watch her lips wrapping around the fork and I push away the urge to lay her on the couch and make slow and sweet love to her. _She is hurt and bruised._

"Christian, you don't need to feed me." She sighs.

"But I do." I say firmly. "I love to take care of you, because that's what I do." _That is when I am not yelling and upsetting you._

"This is really good." She hums and closes her eyes. She quickly licks her lips and zooms in on the bowl in my hand.

"Much better than my Mac & Cheese." She says now and opens her mouth for another bite.

"Your Mac & Cheese isn't that bad, Ana. And I am sorry about what I said it was…"

"Mean…" She finishes for me. She tries to act nonchalant, but the flash of hurt in her eyes betrays her real feelings.

"I wanted to say despicable…because I have really fond memories of you cooking Mac & Cheese."

She blushes and smiles shyly.

"You are going to have to teach me how to make it then." She says sweetly.

"When you feel better, I will teach you how to make Mac & Cheese." I wink at her. "And that way, when we have kids you won't have to rush them to the hospital because of cheese overkill."

"You want kids?"

"Of course." I say. "With you I want it all…but not right now…" _Fuck! I can't even handle a girlfriend, let alone a kid._

"No definitely not right now." She agrees quickly.

"So we are really going to do this then?" I ask and she seems confused. That little v appears on her forehead and her eyes dart away.

"Going to do what?"

"Forever. No matter what happens?"

"I like forever with you, Christian." She says without hesitation. Carefully I place the bowl on the table and I have to bite my tongue so the words _marry me_ don't come spilling out of my mouth.

Her hand reaches for my arm and when I look at her I am left speechless at the look on her face.

"Move in with me, Christian." _Move in with her? In that tiny little two-bedroom apartment with the pink walls?_

 _Hell yeah!_

"Sir, Ms. Steele, I am sorry to interrupt, but your family is here." _Christ! His timing fucking sucks!_

"What?" Ana and I say at the same time.

"My family?"

"Yes, sir."

Ana's hand falls from my arm and she looks away uncomfortably clearing her throat. "Let them in, Taylor."

"Ana, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"I would love to move in with you." _I would love to marry you and have a bunch of beautiful babies with you._

"You would?" She says and her smile is breathtaking and gorgeous. "You just made me the happiest girl on the planet, Christian Grey."


	40. Chapter 40 - Tequila & chocolate

Chapter 40 – Tequila & chocolate

Anastasia

I love my mother, I truly do, but since the moment she walked in one hour ago, she has rearranged the blanket covering my legs, fourteen times…and yes I counted.

Christian's apartment is huge, but with ten people it seems cramped. It is too hectic and too loud. I simply long for a quiet moment alone with Christian.

"Are you sure you are feeling fine, honey?" My mother asks _again_ , her hand lying protectively on my leg, her eyes full with worry. "You look so pale. Have you eaten?" She doesn't give me a chance to reply when her head snaps to Christian.

"Has she eaten, Christian?"

"Yes, she has." He says giving her a small smile. His eyes dart to mine and I know he knows that I am ten seconds from going completely apeshit.

"I am fine, mom." I whisper. But I am not fine, not really. I mean I am scared to close my eyes, afraid that the image of that woman will pop up. Her face turned into that awful sneer and her eyes full of cruelty. _Bye bye._ Her malicious whisper keeps going round and round in my head.

Grace, who has been keeping her distance, gives me a sympathetic smile while she watches my mother smothering me with attention.

Emma who has been sitting next to my mother the entire time keeps staring at me with huge, curious hazel eyes. She is a beautiful little girl with blonde hair and cute little glasses on top of a little button nose. The other thing that I noticed is that she hasn't left my mother's side. Emma divides her time between my mother, Sebastian and Bob. When I catch her looking at me again I smile and give her a little wave. She blushes cutely, waves back and quickly hides behind my mother's back.

"Oh my god!" Mia screeches. "Like, oh my god! You will never believe who has been spotted in New York?"

"The Easter Bunny?" Sebastian smirks at her.

She dismisses him with a simple roll of her eyes and focuses her attention on me. _Great._

"Well?"

"I have no idea." I clear my throat trying to get the soreness away.

"Chris Hemsworth…" She squeals and practically bounces off the couch from excitement. "It says…" She says looking back at her phone. "That he is here because of a photographer's exhibition on December 31…" With a dreamy look on her face she shows Grace the pictures the paparazzi snapped.

"Look, mom, he is so hot." _And married._

"And look at his hands…" _And at the wedding band._

"I think Adam mentioned that he was on the guest list for Peter's exhibition." I whisper.

"You know him?" My mother asks.

I nod my head and I feel the blush creeping up my face.

"Tell me everything!" Mia says moving to the edge of the couch.

"I met him when Peter made the promotional shoot for his movie 'Thor' and…"

"Is he nice…"

"Yeah, he is."

"And is he as hot in person as on these pictures?" I clear my throat again and not because I don't know what to say but because this whispering is totally exhausting and to be honest my throat is becoming sore.

"I think Ana is tired." Christian says briskly.

"I actually am…" I admit and suddenly I want to get out of here. I want to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and forget that the last few days even happened. I want to erase the image of that woman's malicious face from my brain…I just want to forget.

"Let me help you!" My mother rises from the couch and pulls the freaking blanket from my legs.

"I've got it, Carla." Christian says scooping me in his arms.

* * *

"Does it hurt, Ana?" Christian brushes his lips over the bruise on the left side of my face. We showered together and even though I also showered in the hospital I still can feel her blood all over my face.

"Yes…it does" _Why lie? He sees right through me anyway._

"Headache?" He asks now his brows furrowed with concern.

"A little, but I think it has more to do with my very annoying mother." I sigh.

He nods understandingly and I feel his lips brushing from my temple to my cheek and then he lowers his head until his lips are against my throat. My very bruised and sore throat.

A whimper escapes my lips and I close my eyes tightly trying to push the memories of that bitch' hand slowly squeezing my throat.

"Does this hurt…"

"I thought I would never see you again…I thought that I was going to die…" I rasp holding back a sob.

"She was telling me things, horrible things…" Christian's body is tense as he wraps his hands around me and guides me towards the bed.

In a matter of seconds Christian has stripped down to his boxer shorts and lying next to me.

"What did she say to you, Ana?"

 **Christian**

Ana is about to open her mouth when there is a soft knock on the door. _God fucking damn._

"Ana, honey, are you in there?"

"Shit, shit, shit." Ana whispers.

"Just a second" I yell and quickly jump out of bed and put on some pajamas and a shirt before opening the door.

A very nervous looking Carla is standing on the hallway trying to get a glance in the room.

"Can I speak with my daughter for a minute?"

"Of course." I sigh and reluctantly open the door to let her in.

"Mom?"

"Look Grace just fixed you something for you sore throat." She hands Ana a mug and waits until Ana takes a sip. But Ana just keeps skeptically staring from the mug in her hand to her mother.

"It's water, honey and lemon juice. Just drink it, Anastasia." Carla can't seem to stop touching her daughter. Ever since she entered the apartment she has been hogging over Ana nonstop. And looking at my girl I know she just reached her mom-limit.

"Thanks, mom." Ana gives her mother a halfhearted smile and relaxes back against the pillows. But Carla just can't seem to take the fucking hint.

"Oh, Ana, I am just so worried, sweetheart and you don't want to talk about it and I think it's not good to keep everything locked up inside…remember what happened after Peter passed away…we don't want a repeat of that…"

"Mom, please…"

"Sweetheart, you have to tell someone what happened…I just was mentioning it to Grace and Bob and they agree that you look so pale…"

"You want to know what happened?" Ana says slapping her hand against the duvet. And even though he voice is just a whisper, she sounds angry and determined. _Not a good combination._

"A crazy woman entered my hotel room, mom. She drugged the person who was supposed to protect me and dragged her into my room. In the meantime she kept feeding me shit with a gun pointed at me…and then when I wanted to help Carol because I was literally watching her die, she hit me with the side of her gun against the side of my head and then she slowly wanted to strangle me to death…she was too strong for me to fight her because she already made sure to break my wrist." Ana coughs and takes a huge breath of air. "And if Reynolds hadn't come in when he did…she would have killed me." There is another cough and I am about to tear my hair out of my head.

For the first time ever Carla Adams is stunned into silence. With shaking hands Carla reaches for the bottle of water on the nightstand and hands it to Ana and lovingly brushes a strand of hair behind Ana's ear. The entire time Ana's face is stoic as she keeps looking at her mother.

"Mom, I am tired." She whispers when Carla starts to sniff.

"Of course, I didn't mean to upset you…I just…"

"Carla tomorrow you can talk. Ana needs her sleep." Carla seems reluctant to leave but after kissing her daughter goodnight she stands up to leave but stops at the door. "Take care of my baby girl, please."

"Promise." As soon as Carla has left I close the door and lock it.

Ana's lip is trembling as I walk back and I quickly crawl back in bed and immediately pull her in my arms.

"It…it was hor-rible…the gun…she kept petting the gun…and the look in her eyes…" She starts coughing again and I slowly lay her down with her head on the pillow.

"Don't talk anymore, baby…your voice…try to sleep…you can tell me tomorrow, okay?"

The tears fall quickly from her eyes and it fucking breaks my heart to see her like this.

"I am afraid to close my eyes…she said…she said…bye bye just before she wanted to pull the trigger…" She can't stop talking now. Her throat is obviously sore since she keeps coughing and swallowing harshly, her voice sounds more and more like a faint whisper.

"You can close your eyes, Ana, because I am here with you. I am going to watch you sleep and I will make sure that nothing happens to you. I am here, Ana." I wipe the wetness from her face with my shirt and cradle her against my chest.

"Are you comfortable like this?" I ask kissing her forehead.

She doesn't reply but shifts closer to me and settles herself with her arm wrapped around my waist.

Since the first time I slept in the same bed as Ana I loved watching her sleep. At first it was because I was afraid I was going to have a nightmare and that I was going to hurt her. When I found out that sleeping with Ana actually drove those fucking night terrors away I simply loved watching her sleep. The steady rise and fall of her chest. Her perfect lips, slightly parted, those long eyelashes, her sweet yet unintelligible mutterings, and the expression on her face of pure relaxation. Tonight her face isn't relaxed even asleep the worry and anxiety is etched on her face.

I wake with a start. The clock on the nightstand reads three in the morning and Ana's side of the bed is empty. _Fuck!_

I find her in the living room staring into the distance. Wrapped in the blanket with her hair tumbling over her shoulders she looks so vulnerable and sweet. But when my eyes drift to the bottle in her hand my insides clench. _Tequila._ Besides her is the jar with M &M's I got her for Christmas. _The Chill Pills._ Absentmindedly she reaches into the jar and puts a piece of candy in her mouth; next she takes a healthy swig of tequila, straight from the bottle.

"I know you're there, Christian." She says not bothering to look at me. I wince when I hear the raspy sound of her voice. _Shit, she sounds even worse than yesterday._

Settling beside her on the couch I pull her legs over mine and drape the blanket over our legs. She rearranges the 'chill pills' until the jar is clasped between her legs and after picking a green one she offers it to me.

"Perfect combination…tequila and chocolate." Raising the bottle in the air she gives me a lopsided smirk, which is very uncharacteristically Ana, and takes another swig.

"You know…your mom forgot to put alcohol in that concoction she made me yesterday…"

"Ana, what are you doing up…"

"Bad dream and shhh…." She says clumsily bringing her finger to her lips. "You are going to wake our guests…" She waves with her hand in the air and clumsily lets it fall on her legs.

"You are drunk." I say and reach for the chill pills which she immediately covers with her hand.

"Uh huh…my chill pills…and the label says that I should take a chill pill after an encounter with an unpleasant individual…I guess we can call that bitch an unpleasant individual, right?"

"Ana, you are upset…"

"Noooo, really? Wow…you are so smart, Christian." She snorts and takes another swig of the bottle her eyes challenging me to argue with her.

"Do you want to get drunk on purpose?"

"Nope, not drunk, numb…" _Oh Ana…_

"And there is a difference between being drunk and being numb…" She continues while she is searching for the right color M&M's.

"I once had an awful long argument with Peter about the difference of being drunk and numb and because he knew I was right he always put on that god awful song…like he always did after an argument, just to annoy the shit out of me." There is no use in stopping her right now, so I just let her get it all out.

"What song, Ana?" Sweetly she hands me another M&M's and scrunches her nose. "It's a song from a boy band, which by the way, all have terrible haircuts…" Dramatically she rolls her eyes and takes the bottle to her lips; she hesitates and lowers the bottle. "Want to hear the song?"

"Your voice, Ana…" She raises the bottle as an answer for her sore throat and demonstratively takes a healthy sip. She winces when the liquid passes her throat.

"Wow…" She breathes with a shaky smile.

"Why don't you give me the bottle?" I ask soothingly.

"Nah…don't want to…" She says hugging the bottle against her chest.

"Peter is dead." She says after a few beats. "He is never coming back…" Her eyes fill with tears. "He was my friend, you know? He took care of me; even though he was a horrible dancer, cook and singer…he was always there for me." _I want to take care of you know…_

"Ana, baby…"

"The first time I was in my apartment after he passed away was so hard…because he wasn't there, even though he traveled a lot and our schedules didn't combine most of the times, but he somehow was always there so when I realized that he was never coming back again, I started talking to him…and well since he never answered back I started drinking until I reached that state of numbness…sometimes I thought he would walk through the door any minute and put on that song…" Wiping the tears from her face she gives me a sad smile the tears falling from her eyes.

"Fuck, I miss him…" She mutters.

"Tell me about Peter, Ana." Maybe this is what she needs.

Her smile fades and it morphs into sadness and hurt. She keeps her eyes focused on me and then the hurt turns into anger.

"No, why don't you tell me about Leila Williams, Christian." _What?_

"Ana, what are you talking about?" I tighten my hold on her foot but she immediately pulls her feet back.

"Well according to the crazy bitch you had a soft spot for crazy Leila…and I believe there is a tiny little detail you forgot to mention…" Another swig of the bottle. "Fuck, its empty…" She mutters and carelessly throws the bottle in my lap. _Thank fuck for that._

"I'm waiting, Grey."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Ana, I already told you everything."

"Crazy bitch told me that Leila moved in with you…is that true?"

"No, that's a lie."

She stares at me biting that lip and it pisses me the fuck off that she doesn't believe me.

"Are you lying to me, Christian? Because the crazy bitch had a lot of things to say about you…she knew everything there is to know about you. Why would she lie?" For someone who just drank a quarter of bottle of tequila, she is quite observant.

"Ana, it is not true. Whatever this woman told you it is a lie and I am not happy about the fact you believe her above me."

"Well excuse the fuck out of me, Grey, but she …"

"How did she look like?"

"Red hair, ice cold blue eyes filled with hatred a scar on her face." She pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around it.

"She said that she and Elena worked together or something like that, that I had ruined everything when I started minding her business, she said that it started when your grandfather intervened and pulled you out of the agency, she said that she wanted to kill him, but that Elena talked her out of it…she said that she trained you and that she had a great time doing that."

My head snaps up. "She said she trained me?"

She nods.

"She also said that Elena wanted you and that you kept rejecting her…" _That part is at least true._

"Did she tell you her name?"

She snorts this time and shakes her head. "It's not like she entered the room and she introduced herself while we had a lovely chat with tea and cookies." Sniffing she lifts her eyes to look at me. "She said that Leila was beautiful and that I look like her. She said that you went out a couple of times and that you had a soft spot for her, that you took care of her and it makes sense doesn't it, Christian?"

"Ana, that is not true. I never went out with Leila…we went to fundraisers together but purely professional. I never touched her outside the training we had together, but I already told you that."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and let out a breath. "Leila…well she was always out of money…when I didn't have any other…engagements I would eat at a little diner, she knew it and joined me and I paid for her food. And that's all there is to it and I am telling you the truth, Ana."

And then it dawns on me. The only one who would know all these details would be Elena's business partner, the woman who interviewed me for the escort job _. The escort service agency representative. Karina Ivanov._

Glancing at the time I realize that it is too early to wake up Taylor so that he can show me the file with all the photographs and to do a background check on Karina Ivanov.

"Ana, and for what's worth it, you don't look like Leila. Sure she is a brunette, but there is where the similarities end." I am tired. I am fucking tired of having to explain myself. I am sick about the fact that somehow my past always comes back to tear Ana and me apart.

"But you love brunettes…"

"No, Ana, I love you."

"I know." She replies.

"Can I hold you, please?"

Placing the chill pills jar on the floor she pulls the blanket off her legs and crawls on my lap.

"Don't move too much." She says with her eyes closed. "Because the room is spinning a little…"

"Ana, I think that the woman who attacked you…"  
"The crazy bitch…" She interrupts cracking one eye open.

"Yes, the crazy bitch. I think she is the woman who interviewed me. She was the escort service agency representative."

"But why would she want to hurt me? I don't understand…" She whispers. "She could have fled the country…"

"She was indeed the one who trained me and she was my first…client." Ana's eyes pop open and she looks so hurt and shocked that I have to avert my eyes. _This is how shame feels like._

"Jesus Christ" Closing her eyes she slips her hands from mine. "Jesus, I can't believe this…"

"It didn't mean anything…"

Raising her hand she stops me. "I know it didn't mean anything, Christian, but how would you feel?"

 _Devastated, hurt and thoroughly upset._

"It's one thing to know about what you did and the number of clients you had, their faces where a blur…so to speak, but now I can actually put a face to one of your clients and it's disturbing." She shudders visibly.

I nod my head once and try to reach for her hands but she quickly stands up and then winces when she tries to support her weight with her injured arm. When she stumbles I steady her with my hands on her waist.

"Did you hurt yourself?" She quickly shakes her head and wiggles her fingers that are peeping from under the cast.

"Does your arm hurt, Ana?"

She sighs. "Everything hurts right now, it even hurts here." I follow her hand to her chest that she has placed over her heart.

"I just keep hurting you."

"It will be all right, I just need time to process everything." Her face is blank when she finally looks up at me. "Let's go to sleep."

 **Anastasia**

I feel like shit. The ache behind my eyes I horrible and I squint my eyes against the bright light when I enter the kitchen. I stop dead in my tracks when twelve curious and maybe even pitiful eyes look up at me. _Awesome._ _Just what I needed._

"Good morning, Anastasia" My mom says bright and happy.

"Good morning." I quickly roam my eyes over the table and give them all a small wave.

"Did you sleep well, honey? What do you want for breakfast? You love pancakes; I would love to make you some." The words fall out of my mom's mouth at rapid speed and for a few seconds I can only stare at her. I should have stayed in bed until Christian had finished meeting with Taylor. _And pancakes fixed by Carla? No, thank you very much._

"No thank you, mom. I'm not very hungry right now."

"How is your throat? I am sure the honey and lemon helped."

 _Yup. And the tequila._

"It's fine, doesn't hurt so much anymore." _Liar, liar._ "Thank you Grace." I say looking at her. "That was really sweet."

Grace gives me one of her sweet smiles. "Anytime, Ana."

"Christian still asleep?" She gives me a small smile and takes a bite of her omelet

"No, he needed to speak with Taylor, so I guess he is in his office." I turn towards the coffee machine. _Shit._ With my back turned to the group I start preparing myself a cup of coffee and try not to make a complete fool out of myself.

"Do you have any plans for today?"

"Carla, honey, Ana just woke up…" Bob mutters but my mom completely ignores him. _Just listen to the man!_

"Uhm, yeah Adam and Maggie said they would drop by this afternoon."

"Oh that's fun." She pauses briefly and then entwines her hand with Bob's. "Bob and I would like to talk to you after breakfast…that's if you are feeling up to it of course."

"Sure…" Taking my coffee cup I take a seat next to Sebastian who is quietly enjoying his French toast.

My mother goes on and on about how she wants to visit Ellis Island and that she want to go shopping, but I zone her out. I bump Sebastian's elbow with mine and he immediately lowers his head. "You know when people want to have a full conversation in the morning, it is totally okay to kill them."

He chuckles and quickly takes a bite of his toast. When I take a glance at my mother I immediately regret what I said. I hurt her.

"I'm sorry, mom."

She nods her head once and helps Emma cutting her pancakes.

"Has anyone seen my oldest son?" Carrick gruff voice cuts through the silence.

"In his room, listening to music." Sebastian says.

"We need to talk to him." Carrick says now throwing his napkin on the table. "Because I swear these gray hairs, are his fault."

"Are we talking about gray hair? I think it looks totally sophisticated, dad." Elliot wanders into the kitchen without a care in the world. With his arms crossed in front of his chest he leans against the counter and smirks. "You know, it gives you that smart lawyer look."

Grace is shaking her head in disapproval while Carrick glares at his oldest son.

"Or not." Elliot mutters.

"Elliot, we need to talk."

"Coffee first, dad."

"Now, Elliot." Pushing his chair back Carrick rises from his seat and walks towards the door. _What the hell is going on here?_

"Dad, with all due respect, I am 28 years old…"

"Then behave like one, because now I am looking at an irresponsible teenager who is running away from the mess he created. You have responsibilities, you have a fiancée who is worried sick about you, and you have a company to look after…"

Something passes through Elliot's eyes and I actually feel sorry for him.

"I don't have a fiancé anymore, dad…and as for my company that is well taken care off. Right now, I don't feel like talking to you." _He doesn't have a fiancée anymore? Shit!_

Still leaning against the counter Elliot slowly and demonstrative takes a sip of his coffee and gives his father a challenging glare then he pushes away from the counter and walks towards the door where Carrick is still standing and when Elliot passes his father he bumps his shoulder on purpose.

"Elliot Grey!" Grace whispers.

"I am sorry, mom." Elliot says turning his face to look at her. "But if he wants to have a normal conversation, he needs to pull his head out of his ass. No matter what you think, I know perfectly well what I am doing. If and when I feel the need to talk to him, I know where to find him. But I am way passed the age to be dragged into his office to get one of his talks."

Grace looks torn and hurt while her husband looks absolutely livid.

An uncomfortable silence falls over the table and then Christian walks in. Even though some parts are still a bit blurry I somehow clearly remember what he told me about the crazy bitch.

"Good morning" Hesitating he leans down and plants a little kiss on my temple. Playfully he ruffles Emma's hair and prepares himself a cup of coffee.

"Who the fuck died?" He says when the silence continues.

"Christian, there are children sitting at this table, please mind your language." Grace snaps and joins Carrick who is still standing at the door.

"Shit…sorry, mom." Next to me Sebastian chuckles what earns him a chastising look from my mother. _Well that's interesting._

"We have the dyslexia fundraiser this evening." Christian says while sitting in the chair next to me. "Are you up to joining me?" His arm is brushing against mine and somehow I don't feel like touching him, I don't even feel like being in the same room with him.

"Of course." I say shifting in my chair so that our arms don't touch.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Ana." My mom pipes up.

"I think it is, Carla." I say knowing how much it pisses her off when I call her that. "I feel much better." What is not totally true, but the idea of spending the entire day with her is not one I am looking forward to.

"Maybe your mother is right, Ana." Christian says. "I could ask my mom to join me."

"I am going. But if you'd rather go with your mother that's fine with me too, Christian." I say facing forward.

"No, Ana, I'd rather go with you." He says with a sigh.

When I look at him from the corner of my eye I see the pained expression on his face. I might be acting distant right now, but I just can seem to look at him because when I the images of him with that evil crazy bitch spring to mind.

"I am going to work. I will be in my study if you need me." He hesitates again but leans down and then gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I love you." And he walks away before I have the chance to say I love you too back. Because I do love him it's just that I am so confused because every time I look at him I see him fucking that bitch. _Did he touch her like he touches me?_

"Ana, could we talk with you right now?" I look up and see that Grace, Carrick, Sebastian and Emma all have left the kitchen and it is only my mother, Bob and me.

"Sure. But if it is too ask me how I am feeling, please don't."

"No, it's not that, Ana. You have made it perfectly clear that you are annoyed by my presence here."

I close my eyes and pray for strength and patience. "I am not annoyed, mom…it's just…I talked to you on the phone a few hours after the attack and I told you I was doing fine considering the circumstances." Deep breath. "When you told me you wanted to take the first plane to New York, I said that it wasn't necessary, that Christian was doing a perfectly good job in taking care of me. And you just can't stop mothering and smothering me…and it makes me…"

"But I just spoke to you for a few minutes and I know how you are Ana, I know how you downplay everything and I am your mother and it is my job to mother and smother you…" She is hurt and I totally understand. But if I don't draw the line here she'll probably never leave.

"I'm fine, mom, I promise."

"But you've been through a very traumatic experience and…"

"And I need time, mentally and physically, but I won't heal faster just because you keep asking me if I am feeling better. Please mom, stop it."

"Okay…fine." She says softly. "Just promise me to tell me if you need anything."

"I promise." I say and I mean it.

"So, what did you guys wanted to talk to me about."

My mom rises from the chair and nervously brushes her hands over her black pants. She ignores me at first and walks to the refrigerator. With her back turned towards she starts fidgeting around until two minutes later she puts a bowl of yoghurt with granola in front of me. _She just never gives up!_

"Eat. I am your mother and I worry." Yes ma'am.

Bob's eyes twinkle with amusement and when I narrow my eyes at him he starts laughing.

"Just eat, Ana." He says calmly. The patience of this man is really astounding, but then he really needs it with my mother. _Bless him._

"Mom, you are making me nervous"

"Well…" She says releasing her breath. "We decided we want to adopt Sebastian and Emma" She looks so happy and hopeful and I see her smile widening, probably mirroring mine.

"Really?" I say looking at both of them.

"Yes, and I hope you don't mind but Grace and Carrick told us…" She pauses as if she wants to say it too difficult. "They told us everything what they have been through and we think we can give Sebastian and Emma a stable home."

Oh my god, I am going to have a brother and sister! I am going to be a big sister!

"There are a ton of things that we still have to take care like …"

"Who the fuck cares what you still need to do!" I jump from my chair and run over to my mother.

"I am going to be a big sister!" I hug my mother who squeezes me back and then I give Bob a hug too.

"Do they know? Have you told them?"

"Yes…and they both seemed happy." My mother says now beaming with pride.

 _Oh my god! I am going to be a big sister!_


	41. Chapter 41 - Family matters

**Chapter 41 – Family matters**

 **Christian**

"Are you absolutely sure, Taylor?"

"I am positive, Mr. Grey. Detective Field has confirmed that the two gentlemen who were part of Lincoln's criminal organization have been eliminated by Interpol." I point to the chair across my desk and he actually sits down and when I hand him a tumbler filled with two fingers of scotch he also accepts it. Raising his glass in the air he holds my eyes and slams it back.

"In one of the cellars they found children and woman who were kidnapped and forced into prostitution or other sexual acts." He clears his throat and rolls his neck, clearly uncomfortable.

"They've talked to several women that were being held captive and they have confirmed that the children were waiting to be smuggled out of the country. These children were believed to be forced to perform sex acts in child pornography films. The women and children found in that cellar were all from Russian origin; however they found a file about two American children."

I lock eyes with Taylor and the anger I see flashing through them is not anything I have seen before in all the years he has been working for me.

"Sebastian and Emma?" I whisper.

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

That bitch was actually really planning in adopting both of them and send them away to fucking Russia and sell them?

"I have already informed you father, sir, since there were videos and pictures of Sebastian while engaging in sexually explicit conduct." I am going to be sick. I feel the bile rising up my throat and I am just in time to grab the trashcan.

"Fuck, Taylor…" Silently Taylor hands me the bottle of water I had lying on my desk.

"What do we know about Hyde?"

"We lost track of him. We have footage of him in the airport where we can see him stopping at different shops. The next footage we have of him is leaving the airport. He pays in cash since there hasn't been using his credit cards. I've asked Barney to hack into his laptop, again."

"Thank you, Taylor."

He nods his head and rises from his seat. "Sir, just so you know, your father is talking with Sebastian, Mr. Adams and Mrs. Adams as we speak."

"What do we know about Annette Quinn?"

"Nothing so far."

"Is everything set for tonight? Security?"

"Ryan will be staying here at the apartment. Sawyer, Reynolds and I will accompany you and Ms. Steele to the fundraiser."

* * *

"I fucked up man." Elliot says again for the umpteenth time. Really, doesn't he know that he is stealing my line?

"So you've said, Elliot, repeatedly." I glance at the door and my legs are itching to get back to Ana. Not that she is dying to see me, but I need to make things right between us. I also need to speak with Sebastian; I can't even imagine how he must be feeling right now. _Humiliated, ashamed and guilty._

"What happened, how is it possible that nobody was able to get hold of you, why where you dressed as Santa Clause and where the fuck is your fiancée?" Not that I really give two flying shits about where the fuck Kate is, but I think it is the right thing to ask, right?

"One question at the time." Changing positions he lays on the couch in my study and scratches his head. _He needs a fucking shower._

"When was the last time you took a shower, Elliot?"

His hand freezes mid air and then after a few seconds he lets it fall back on the couch with a thud. "Not answering that." _Awesome._

"Do you lie down when you go to talk to John Flynn?" Elliot asks curiously.

"Elliot for the love of god, man…"

He sighs again and his leg starts bouncing up and down.

"So, remember dad's birthday party?" _How the fuck could I forget about that?_ "And that Kate disappeared?"

"Yeah"

"Well the next morning I went over to her apartment to see her and she was acting strange and jumpy…she was the complete opposite of the girl I'd met three years ago. Gone was the confident and sexy Kate." _Sexy?_ I hold back a snort and quickly bring the bottle of water to my mouth to stop the jabs from coming out. _Just a few more minutes and I can get back to Ana._

"So I asked her why she was acting so strange and then she started crying…and man I just can't handle tears…things escalated pretty quickly after that. She asked me what happened at the house and what the fuck was wrong with Elena…but I just couldn't talk about it. It was too fresh and it hurt too much…" He scratches his head again and I squirm in my seat. _Note to self; fumigate the couch._

"The next thing I know she is crying harder and throwing anything she could get her hands on to the walls…it was like she had completely lost her fucking mind…" He stares at the ceiling, his leg still bouncing up and down. He clears his throat and when he turns his head to look at me I actually see that his eyes are red rimmed. He quickly blinks a few times and focuses his eyes on a spot on the wall.

"She started yelling that she felt left out, that no one ever tells her anything. Then she went on and on about her dad and his cheating ass and how it had affected her and how wrong it is for a child to grow up in an environment like that." _Well, never thought I would agree with Kate fucking Kavanagh._

I watch my brother closing his eyes and clenching his hands. His jaw sets and I can see by the way it is ticking that he is grinding his teeth. Jumping from the couch he starts pacing the study. His hands are clasped behind his neck.

"Then why did you run?"

"While she was breaking and yelling and crying she told me that she hadn't been entirely honest with me and that a few days after we had our engagement party she did a background check on you…" _Oh fuck._

"Is that true, Christian?"

"Look, Elliot, maybe you should concentrate on going back to Sea…"

"Is it true, Christian?"

"Yes. But I found out immediately and I stopped it. She never got the chance, Elliot."

"Why the fuck did you never tell me?" He yells. "She betrayed your trust, man."

I shrug. "I contemplated telling you, but the day I wanted to tell you we were having lunch and you were so fucking happy, Elliot. You were going on and on about Kate and about how happy she made you and that you found your soul mate…I liked seeing you happy…"

"So, you just lied…"

"I never fucking lied to you!" I yell now getting fucked up with this entire conversation.

"You have known for god knows how long and you didn't tell me! How would you feel if Ana did something like that and I withheld it from you?" He pulls his hair and throws his hands in the air. "Never mind, Ana would never do that." _Exactly._

"Do you love her, Elliot?"

"That's not the fucking point, Christian, and you know it. Of course I love Katie…" He shakes his head and brushes his hands over his face.

"Remember when we had that talk in the car and you asked me how I knew that I trusted Kate?"

I nod.

"Well, I don't think that I can trust her anymore. Besides she started spewing shit about mom and dad and Mia." _Ah jealous Kate._

"What shit, Elliot?"

"How perfect mom and dad are and how stupid Mia is with her bubbly personality. She said that she is spoiled and therefore acts like a little princes."

"Maybe she said that because she was mad." Fuck! I can't believe I am defending her!

He opens his mouth and closes it again and then roughly brushes his hands through his hair.

"Look, I know you are crazy about her." _Don't know why, though._ "Fix it, Elliot."

"I don't know if it is fixable anymore, bro."

"Of course it is…"

"No!" He says yelling again. "I lost my shit, Christian. I told her that she was a jealous bitch and that she had no choice to say those things about my family. It was like a fucking nightmare, bro…she said that she didn't know if she could live up to being my wife and she broke up the engagement. She said that I would be better off without her." He takes a deep breath.

"And then like the fucking pussy I am I asked her not to throw away what we had…I fucking begged her, Christian and she simply opened the door and told me to leave." He snorts. "Well I lost my cool, bro; I called her some pretty bad names. I left her apartment, drove to mine; I packed a bag and got the first flight to New York."

He walks over to the window and braces his arms against it.

"So what have you been doing all these days in New York? You know that mom and dad where worried sick, don't you?"

"I just booked myself a hotel room and got drunk the first night I was here. Then the next day I just started roaming the streets of New York and I met a few guys in a bar and I have been hanging out with them." He shrugs like it is no big deal.

"I made it a mission to get smashed every fucking day…just to forget about Kate. I ignored all of your phone calls and went my merry way. One morning I woke up wearing the Santa Clause costume. And to be honest, little brother, I have no fucking clue where it came from."

"Fuck, Elliot."

"Yeah and that's not all…I was constantly hanging around in bars and well I saw a pretty blonde and before I knew it I had her pinned against the bathroom stall and practically inhaling her fucking face…then I made a selfie and send it to Kate…"

"Christ…"

"Since we had that fight in Seattle she was blowing my phone up with phone calls and messages, I never picked the phone up and I deleted all of her messages. She stopped as soon as I send her the fucking selfie."

"Do you want her back?"

"Yeah…I do…but does she want me back, Christian?"

There is a soft knock at the door and it opens before I can respond.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?" Ana's red rimmed eyes fly from me to Elliot and then she cautiously takes a step forward. _Has she been crying?_

"Are you okay, Elliot?"

"I will be." He says not meeting her eyes.

"Are you all right, Ana?" Elliot asks before I have the chance. "Have you been crying? Do I need to kick someone's ass?"

Staring at her feet she shakes her head no. Elliot furrows his brows at her reaction but doesn't push her.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could stay here until after New Year's Eve…" Elliot shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at his feet.

"Sure…and call her, Ell. Oh and for fucks sake, take a fucking shower, man." He nods and then kisses Ana's cheeks when he passes her.

"Is he okay?" Ana asks as soon as Elliot closes the door behind him.

"No he isn't, really." I explain what happened between Kate and Elliot and I have never seen Ana look so shocked before.

"Shit, now I feel bad." Ana mutters. "Kate tried to call me a couple of times but after the way she behaved at your father's birthday party I wasn't really in the mood to talk to her."

"They need to fix it by themselves, Ana. Just don't interfere." I can see her mulling this over until she mutters a not very convincing and silent okay.

"Are you finished working?" She glances towards my desk that is filled with papers.

"I am. I am sorry it took so long." She waves her hand in the air and starts fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She looks so lovely, sweet and sad at the same time and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and kiss her, but she has been acting distant since last night and even though I don't like it, I do understand.

"I am sorry I have been acting so cold and distant, but I just needed to wrap my head around…everything. One thing is to know and accept what you did, but it is entirely different when you see the woman your boyfriend actually …"

I hold my hand up now wanting her to finish that sentence. "Don't finish that…"

She gives me a little shrug and shifts on her feet.

"Come here, Ana." She doesn't hesitate and goes to stand between my legs, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"I love you, Christian."

"And I love you." I kiss her hair and reach behind me to grab her injured arm. "How are you doing? Does it hurt? Can you still wiggle your fingers?"

"I am fine, it's just that I need to get used to the cast because I just wacked Sebastian on the back of his head when I hugged him.

I chuckle but don't make any further comments.

When her arms wrap tighter around my waist I feel her tensing. "What is it, Ana?"

"It's Sebastian…they found videos and pictures."

"I know, Taylor just told me." Rubbing her back I kiss the top of her hair.

"How is he?"

"He is terrified and ashamed he couldn't look us in the eyes. He kept apologizing…shit, Christian, it was awful…"

"Where you there?" She nods against my chest. "My mom asked me if I wanted to be present."

"So you know that those fuckers in Russia are dead?"

"Yes, but god those women and children, Christian…what is going to happen to them now?"

"I don't know baby, but it's in the hands of the FBI…"

We stand like that for a while until she has calmed down. Fishing my handkerchief from my pocket I clean her face until the tears are gone. Then I pepper the bruised side of her face with little kisses.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you…"

"It's not your fault, Christian." For a few seconds we stand there just looking at each other until the sadness on her face transforms into a smile.

"I have some great news." She says leaning back. _Well, at this point we could use some great news._

"Tell me."

"My mom and Bob are going to adopt Sebastian and Emma." Her eyes are shining and her smile is big. I already knew that since Taylor told me but I keep quiet not wanting to crush her excitement.  
"Can you believe that, Christian? I am going to be a big sister. I am going to have a brother and a sister. I am so happy…"

"Emma is cute." I say.

"God she is totally adorable and so sweet." Clasping her hand together a bit awkwardly she squeals. "And she is my little sister! Oh I am going to spoil her and we can do things sisters always do…and I am going to take her shopping…" She frowns. "Uhm…no I am not because I actually hate shopping. But I can teach her how to read and how to paint her nails…my mother also mentioned that she constantly sat at the piano when they were at your parents house, so I was thinking that maybe you can teach her, or…" She says holding her finger in the air. "We can find her a piano teacher; I mean you said that you really enjoyed playing the piano when you came to live with your parents, right? But if we do that, hire a piano teacher I mean, we need to make sure that it isn't some kind of creep, so maybe you can ask that guy, whose name I forgot to run background checks…"

"Baby, breathe…" I say now holding her face in my hands.

"We will do everything you want to, okay? I would love to teach her how to play the piano, but let's take this one step at the time."

"Yeah, you are right, one step at the time." She frowns again and takes a deep breath. "I have something else that I need to tell you." She eyes me uncertain as if she is not sure how I am going to react.

"Tell me." I say brushing a curl behind her ear.

"I have received a lot of business propositions due to that promotional video. And that's all thanks to you…"

"It has nothing to do with me, Ana…"

"Of course it has…" She cuts me off, annoyingly rolling her eyes. "Being on GEH's client list is a big deal, even though I still haven't done anything for GEH."

"Then start when we get back next week…" I say now pushing her against my chest.

"I don't think I will be able to do that next week Christian, I mean I need my wrist…and I could use a tripod but…"

"Then you'll start whenever you're ready."

She nods against my shoulder and I feel her entire body relaxing. She pushes one hand under my shirt and starts making little circles with her finger on my back. _Fuck that feels so fucking good._

"Tell me about those assignments…." I say trying to focus on the new job prospects.

"Probable assignments." She says. "Some of them are really small projects; newborns, birthdays and a wedding, mostly from Seattle's socialites. Then there is one from Seattle Independent Publishing. It's a small publishing agency and they switched management a few months ago and they want to improve their image and they asked if I was interested."

"That's great, Ana."

"Yeah…It is…" She clears her throat and releases a huge breath.

"There was also an e-mail from Perry Barker; he is the editor-in-chief from "The Atlantic"

"And…" I say squeezing her waist what immediately makes her giggle.

"Well it's actually a great, great opportunity, but I want and need to discuss it with you first because they want me to join a fairly new writer who is going to write an article about a refugee camp…in Syria."

"Syria?" I whisper? "Fucking Syria, Ana?"

"I know the risks…" She whispers.

"Do you really? Do you know how many US citizens are being held captive by the Syrian government? Do you know how many photographers and journalists are reported missing or being held hostage?"

 _She has got to be fucking kidding me? Is she really considering this?_ But I know the answer as soon as I look into her eyes. She wants this. This is what she does and what she loves.

"Say something…" Gently she pulls my hands from my hair and smiles insecurely.

"I don't know what to say, Ana. I…I…"

"I can set up a meeting with Perry Barker and the journalist to discuss what they specifically expect from me and how long the assignment is supposed to last…"

"Are you seriously considering this, Ana?"

"I don't know…I know the risks…I really do." She says quickly drawing a deep breath. "Don't freak out just yet, I haven't made a decision."

"Do you even care about my opinion or feelings at all?"

"Of course I do…Jesus, Christian!"

"Okay, I don't want you to go. The risks are too big. I have read too many articles about photographers and journalists ending dead while documenting the war there…"

"But I am not a war photographer, Christian…"

"I said no! You asked my opinion and I say no…"

"Christian…"

"You don't even stand a fucking chance in entering the country, Anastasia. The photographers going there enter the country secretly; media has been tightly controlled by the government because they are the one that control the flow of information." I sigh and take a few steps back to gather some space from her.

"It is the most dangerous country on the planet." I say now almost defeated. "I can't stop you obviously, but please reconsider." I slump in my chair and rub both off my hands over my face. _Un-fucking-believable._

"Okay, I'll think about it." She bites her bottom lip and slowly rounds the desk and sits on my lap.

"Does that door have a lock?" She says rubbing her nose along my neck. If I didn't know better I'd think that she was trying to distract me, but honestly, right now with my woman on my lap who is sensually brushing against my cock, there are just no coherent thoughts. I guess that old saying is true. _God gave men a brain and a dick, but only enough blood to run one at a time._

"Christian, the door?" Is she really expecting me to react when she is dry humping me like this? Fuck, this is really good, it has been too long.

"Oh, I am sorry…I didn't know you where busy…"

"Please, God, just kill me now…just kill me…please tell me that is not your mother?" Ana whispers her face is completely buried in my neck, her body still and rigid while she has my shirt tightly clasped in her hand.

"It's okay, mom, just give us a second…"

"This is so fucking embarrassing…" Ana is still whispering and when we hear the door close I gently hold her shoulders to look at me. I chuckle at the embarrassment written on her face.

"You can open your eyes now, Ana."

"I am never going to be able to look at your mother again and not being reminded of this horrible, toe-curling, embarrassing moment…"

"My mother knows we have sex, Ana."

"Please, just don't use the words my _mother_ and _sex_ in the same sentence…" She cracks open one eye and her face is still as red as a tomato.

 **Anastasia**

"I apologize again." Grace says but really she doesn't look apologetic to me at all! "I knocked and I just thought that Christian was going to be here alone…"

"It's okay, Grace." I say staring at my feet. Without looking at her I give her the best smile I can muster.

"Ana, you don't have to feel embarrassed, sweetheart…" My eyes dart to hers and I actually see that she is enjoying my embarrassment.

"It is totally normal…" She continues and I can hear the smile in her voice. _Nope, not looking at her._

"Mother, stop it…"

"Oh, Carrick, there you are."

Carrick's eyes crinkle in the corners when he enters and sees me sitting on Christian's lap. He is holding a light blue folder in his hand and I feel Christian's body going rigid. His fingers are pushing into my waist.

"We can do this another time, son." Carrick says taking a seat next to his wife on the couch.

"I guess it's never a good time for…that…" Christian says gruffly and motions with his chin towards the blue folder that is now burning a hole in the desk.

"In that folder is your adoption file, birth certificate, your medical records from when you were admitted in the hospital and information about your mother."

"The woman on those files is not my mother." Christian says his voice rising with each word. "I don't have a fucking clue whether that certificate includes the name of the sperm donor, but he is just that…the sperm donor. You…" He points his finger at his parents. "You are my parents. You are the ones that raised me, fed me and held me safe. So mom, please don't ever call her that again."

Grace looks like she is about to burst into tears and Carrick is nervously brushing his hands through his hair.

"Well let's get on with it." Christian says and I can feel his body going completely rigid.

"Before we open this file, Christian, may I ask why after more than 20 years you are curious about your birthmother?"

"I told you on the phone the other day. When I met Mrs. Collins everything was turned upside down. I thought I remembered everything and it turned out I didn't…When I realized that I had forgotten a huge part I …panicked."

"Okay," Grace says softly. "What do you want to know?"

"I remember only bits and pieces of my time in the hospital." He takes a deep breath and kisses the back of my head. "I remember when you entered, mom, and that your voice was sweet and soft and that you smelled so nice. I remember the first time I saw dad…but that I was so afraid…it was your voice…" Christian clears his throat.

"I remember the nurses and that they wanted to touch me and that I started to scream and that you made them all go away. Then you sat with me next to the bed and you explained what we were going to do. I remember the food…I remember that there was so much food and that you gently chastised me when I started to inhale the food and I was really confused when you said that I needed to eat slowly or that I would get a tummy ache…" Releasing a shuddering breath Christian pulls me even closer to his chest and wraps his arms around my waist.

"There are just bits and pieces I remember from my time in the hospital and then I remember entering your house and you showing me my room…" He shrugs. "That's it…"

"You remember a lot of things, Christian." Grace says calmly. She has her hands folded in her lap.

"You hated loud noises and male nurses and doctors. You were even afraid of Carrick at the start."

"We drove you to the Collin's house. I remember that you were holding my hand and you just looked at me with huge eyes. I explained to you that you needed to stay there for a while and that we were going to be back to pick you up and take you home with us and Elliot. I thought you understood what we were saying. We came to visit you every day, Christian, and as the weeks passed you looked actually happy to see us."

"Do you remember a little boy with red hair? I think he was a few years older than me." I can feel Christian holding his breath.

"Yeah, I remember him, he was a little shit." Carrick says.

"Carry!"

"Gracie, that boy had trouble written over his face, he was…I don't know there was just something about him that didn't sit well with me. God, what was his name…"

"Jacob?" Grace says.

"Yeah something like that." Carrick mutters. "He was always trying to push you away, we were so happy that at one point you actually came to sit with us…he would squeeze his way between you and your mother and he would smile and tell us what a good boy he was…"

"Why ask about that boy, Christian?"

"It's complicated, dad. I'll explain some other time." Carrick's eyes move to mine and I just give him a little smile.

"I have been told that the hospital had to perform a complete medical examination the moment I was admitted. Besides the bruises and burns…was there something else?"

"You were severely malnourished, your growth…" Grace is nervously wringing her hands and when Carrick takes her hand in his she gives him a grateful smile.

"Due to the malnourishment you were very little for you age. The first time I saw you I thought you were two years old. Your belly and legs where swollen and your skin was so dry…"

Carrick hands Grace his handkerchief and continues. "Due to the malnutrition it took longer for your wounds to heal and to recover from the infections."

I shift on Christian lap when I feel his entire body trembling. I wish I could take this pain away from him. I wish I could make his insecurities and fears go away.

"Anything else?"

Carrick and Grace look confused. "What Christian I trying to ask, is if there were any signs of sexual abuse…"

"No! Absolutely not." Grace replies without hesitation. Slowly while he is processing what Grace just said, I feel his body relaxing. Wrapping his arm around my waist he pushes me against him and buries his face in the crook of my neck.

"Thank fuck." He whispers again and again. I hold him tighter and kiss his cheek repeatedly and brush my hand through his unruly hair when I feel the wetness of his tears.

"Why me? Mom, dad?" Christian asks after a few minutes. "Why not another child?"

"When I saw you the first time sitting on that bed with those beautiful gray eyes I loved you instantly. I never felt so protective over a patient. I just knew that you needed us and we needed you. And when I told your father and he came to see you; do you know what he said, Christian?"

"What?"

"That I couldn't imagine if someone else would have you. It was if you where destined to be ours from the very beginning." Carrick says proudly.

"And I mean it, son."

* * *

Christian's parents have left his office and it is now only Christian and me. He is sitting behind his desk with the folder clasped in his hands.

"Will you look for me, Ana?"

"Yeah, sure." I reach for the folder and open it. The first thing I see is a photo from Christian stapled on the first page. It is a form written in the hospital from when the police and social services brought him in.

"There is a picture of you." I start. "It is stapled to a very brief report from the police and social services."

"Okay…what's next?" He is staring out of the window, his jaw is ticking and I can see the stress forming around his eyes.

"Your birth certificate." I whisper when I turn the page.

"What does it say?" His eyes dart quickly to mine and the insecurity and fear is written all over his face.

"State of Michigan, certificate of live birth." I clear my throat and blink my eyes a few times.

"Child's name, Christian Connor. Date of birth, June 18, 1983. Child's birthplace, Detroit." I look up and see that Christian is looking to the New York view.

"Mother's name, Leonor Connor. Mother's birthplace, Detroit. Father's name, unknown." Christian breathes a sigh of relieve and relaxes slightly.

When I turn the page I see the medical records and quickly skim through them. "The medical records state exactly what your parents just told you."

He nods once but remains looking out of the window.

I gasp when I see that the last page contains two pictures of Ella. One is really tiny and in black and white and the other one is bigger showing a beautiful smiling but very young Ella.

"There are two pictures of Ella; do you want to see them?"

"No…" Is his immediate answer.

"She was very pretty, Christian and her hair has the same color as yours…"

"That is just a face, Ana. From the inside she was rotten or she wouldn't have left her four year old son alone."

She was a bad mother that much is true, but I also think that she was sick. Very, very sick. Although I don't think that's what Christian needs to hear right now. I close the file and place it on his desk.

"Is there more?" He clears his throat and briefly turns his head to look at me.

"Your birthmother's birth certificate; do you want me to read it?"

"No…maybe another time."

"Then that was it, Christian."

He nods once and opens his arms. "Thank you, Ana." He says when I am sitting on his lap.

"Always"

* * *

"So, are you just going to sit there or are you going to help me?" I peek my head around the refrigerator door and give Adam one of my scariest looks.

He grins and takes a carrot from the tray. "I am just going to sit here." He looks around the kitchen and waves his finger in the air.

"This is fancy; Shortcake…the apartment is huge." He looks at me and smirks. "Do you need a map to find your way?"

"Ha ha, you are so funny, Adam." I quickly hide my face behind the door again to hide the blush slowly creeping up my face. _God, he really knows me well._

"So how are you and Grey doing?" He jumps from the counter and takes another carrot.

"We are good." Closing the door I lean against the refrigerator and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Because I'd gladly hit him again."

"You most certainly won't hit him again, Adam. That was not cool…"

"He deserved it…"

"I'm serious, Adam."

"So am I, Ana, if he hurts you, I'll hurt him." I sigh knowing that I don't even have the chance to win this stupid argument and even though I know he means well, it still irritates the hell out of me.

"How is the set up of the exhibition going?"

"Oh man…" Placing the tray back on the counter he rubs both hands over his face. "It has been eventful…" He says finally.

"Please, explain." I say rearranging the plates and bowls on the tray.

"Obviously this entire experience it is very emotional and painful for Peter's parents and his sister. They are very meticulous about everything, you know, how each piece is presented, placed, hung, lighted and so on…" He sighs. "And rightfully so." He adds quickly.

I nod because I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for them.

"And then Peter's aunt started to interfere…"

When I just stare at him confused he continues. "You know that hag with all the make-up who is always drunk?"

"Oh yeah, I just saw her once, though. She is married to this hotel mogul isn't she?" I only remember her with perfect coiffed hair and that she looked…sad.

"Yup, that's her. Anyway she sauntered in there as if she owned the fucking place and already drunk." He brushes his hand over his beard and sighs again. "It was awful, Shortcake, she commented on the place, that the height of the artwork wasn't right, the lights were wrong, the theme, the food…"

"What happened?"

"Peter's mom was in tears, as was his sister and his dad, well you know him… the guy is as tough as nails, he called her driver and send her away."

"That must have been awful…"

"Yeah, because then Peter's dad started arguing with his wife about her sister…fuck, Ana it was like a fucking soap opera."

"Hey, babe, what's taking you so long?" Christian enters the kitchen and stops briefly when he sees Adam.

"Nothing I was just preparing a little snack and Adam here was distracting me…oh and eating all the food!" Grinning, Adam pops another carrot in his mouth, grabs the tray from the counter and walks out.

"Did I interrupt something?" He says stepping closer to me until my back is hitting the counter.

"No…he was just telling me about the exhibition, Peter's parents asked Adam to help with the set up."

When Christian braces his hands behind me I am completely cocooned between his body and the counter. Lowering his head he brushes his lips against the bruises. "I love you, Ana."

"I love you too, Christian."

"Are you sure you are up to the fundraiser this evening?"

"Of course…" I wrap my arm around his waist and lean my head against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart is soothing and I wish I could stay here with him.

"Besides I would give your sister a coronary if I said I wasn't going anymore."

Christian chuckles. "Yeah, she has been pretty busy scoring the perfect dress for you." He places a soft kiss on my lips. "What color is the dress?"

"Not telling you, it's a surprise." I tease.

"Maggie did a great job with the cast." He says now looking at my cast.

"A little too 'bling' for me…but at least it's not boring anymore!" I laugh.

"God forbid a boring cast!" Christian laughs and rolls his eyes. His face gets serious and his eyes shift from me to my hand in his and then he slowly kisses my fingers peeking from the cast.

"Come, let's go back in there." With a last kiss he reaches for a few wine glasses and motions with his chin to the cheese tray on the counter.

"Can you manage that?" He smirks.

"Just walk, Grey."

"Hey sweetie" I kiss Emma's head and sit next to her on the couch. She looks at me and gives me a small smile and pops an M&M in her mouth.

"Is she supposed to have so much candy?" Christian asks me over her head.

"I guess not." I giggle and then shrug. "She is my little sister, so I get to spoil her."

Emma smiles and then she shows me her hands. Her nails are painted bright pink with little white dots on it.

"Wow, they are so pretty, Emma. Did Maggie do that?" Emma nods and looks shyly at Maggie who is just shoving a piece of cracker in her mouth.

"Next time we'll do her toe nails, right Em?" Maggie says after swallowing the cracker. Again Emma nods and then she carefully places her hand on my cast and wiggles her tiny fingers.

"Cool huh, it's the same color." She beams at me and I have to contain myself not to smother her with kisses. _She is freaking cute._

"Your mom and Bob went to the Guggenheim?" Adam has his arm draped around Maggie's shoulder while absentmindedly playing with her purple-pink hair.

"Yup they took Sebastian with him and Christian's parents also tagged along."

Elliot groans. "Poor Sebastian, he is by now probably ready to pull his hair out of his head…remember when we had to go to these mandatory, educational trips?" He looks at Christian.

Christian nods and takes a sip of his beer. "She is brutal." Elliot continues. "She plans the visit from start to end and even buys a brochure. She always said that looking at art makes people better critical thinkers"

"Yeah and there was no way to change her mind about her mantra; musical instrument, martial arts and a foreign language." Mia pipes up.

"You did martial art?" I ask.

She snorts and Elliot starts laughing. "No Mia, convinced my mother that martial arts was for boys and that she wanted to do ballet…"

"Ugh…" Mia waves her hand in the air, her face crinkled in annoyance. "I sucked at ballet."

"And that's putting it mildly…" Elliot adds. "You see, Mia was a chubby girl and she was much taller than the other girls. So while the other girls where graciously tip-toeing around on those god awful shoes, Mia was stomping around like a little elephant."

"He is right…" Mia admits. "My dad finally was able to convince her that ballet wasn't it for me."

"How so?"

"Mia had a recital and she tried so hard but failed epically. When it ended mom was clapping her hands and then she looked at my father and she said; oh isn't she amazing, Carry? My dad looked at her like she had grown ten fucking heads and he said in that lawyer tone; No, Gracie she is horrible at this. It is clear as day that she is suffering as are we."

"I never had to go back." Mia says proudly.

"Oh shit! Look at the time!" Maggie jumps from the couch. "You need to get ready, Ana. I mean your hair, your make-up…" _Great._

"Want to join us, Emma?" Mia asks already reaching for her hand, but Emma shakes her head and points at the bowl of M&M's in her hand. _Smart girl._

 **Christian**

An enjoyable silence stretches over the room as soon as the girls have left to the bedroom.

"I am going to go out for a while." Elliot says rising from his seat.

"Have you tried to call her, Ell?"

"Yeah…" He says clearing his throat. His eyes dart to Adam but he is too busy looking at his phone. "She doesn't pick up." _Not very surprising after sending her the fucking selfie sucking face with another blonde._

"Look, man, I need to make a few phone calls." Adam points at his phone looking a little uncomfortable.

"Sure you can use my office. Down the hallway, third door to the right."

"Thanks" He mutters and then disappears already holding the phone to his ear.

I look down at the little blonde girl sitting next to me and nudge her elbow. "Want to play the piano, Emma?" At first she just stares at me, her eyes big as saucers. Then she turns her face looks at the piano and then back at me.

"I can play some really cool songs." I say pointing at my chest.

It's strange to see all these different emotions passing her eyes and not being able to know what she is feeling or thinking. _Is that how my parents felt?_

"When I was about your age…I think I was three years old…" Her hand comes to my arm and she shakes her head. Then she holds her hand in the air holding out 4 fingers.

"Oh right, I totally forgot, you are four." She nods again.

With her tongue peeking out of her mouth she climbs on the piano seat. Her legs are dangling and her hands are neatly folded on her lap.

"When I was little I had a teacher, her name was Ms. Kathy and do you know which song I learned first?" Her brow furrows and she shakes her head.

"Itsy bitsy spider. It is really easy; do you want to learn to play that song?"

There is a firm shake of her head and she even shudders a little. "Not so fond of spiders are you, Emma?" Another shake.

"What about Old McDonald had a farm?" Her response is a big smile and a sharp nod of her head.

"Okay, this is how we are going to do it, Emma. I am going to play that song first and you have to pay close attention to my hands, okay?"

I am practically floating from the seat as after rehearsing and teaching her to find the keys she is actually doing a pretty damn good job. _She is really good._

"Good job, Emma." With those furrowed brows and her face completely concentrated she briefly looks at me and nods. Her cheeks are pink from the effort and I know from experience how tiring it can be.

"How about we take a small break?"

She lets out the smallest sigh but nods anyway.

"You know, Emma." She looks at me briefly and concentrates back on the small bowl of fruit I just gave her. "I once knew a little boy whose words where stuck in his head." Her little pudgy hand freezes midway and instead of looking at me she just keeps staring at the bowl.

"Something very scary had happened to that little boy and he just couldn't talk, he was afraid and he also felt utterly alone…" I clear my throat as I think back at that frightened little boy. Until recently I never actually gave much thought about the time I didn't speak. I just chose not to speak. I felt safer and I actually thought that I could protect myself if I didn't speak.

"I think that you are a really smart little girl, Emma and I just want you to know that everyone here cares about you but and that you are safe."

"Emma, I am not forcing you to speak, but I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. I know that you are scared and I know how hard it is to get those words out, but I and all these other people that care for you are here to help you, okay?"

She doesn't respond but I see her bottom lip trembling just a little bit and my heart goes out to her.

"It's okay to cry if you feel sad, Emma." I kiss the top of her head a few times and smile.

When Emma continues eating her fruit is quickly send a text to Andrea and ask her to find me the best children's therapist in Seattle as soon as possible.


	42. Chapter 42 - Christian & Ana

**Chapter 42 – Christian & Ana **

**Christian**

"No! You can't see Ana yet, Christian! Go away!" Mia yells. I feel like the biggest idiot with my face pressed against the door of my bedroom but I refuse to give up so easily.

"How long?" I growl.

"As long as we need!" She yells again. "Now go!"

"You know, Mia..." I yell back and I can hear the desperation in my own voice. "My tux is in there…"

"No it's not! I put it in one of the guestrooms as are your toiletries!" _Damn._

"Go, Christian!"

"Women…" I mutter and hang my head in defeat.

"I don't know if it is any consolation, but I wasn't allowed in either." Carla is just closing her door from her bedroom while holding a book in her hand.

"Carla can I talk with you for a minute?" I point to the stairs. "In my office." She gives me reluctant nod but stops. "Is something wrong with, Ana?"

"No, nothing is wrong with Ana. It's about Emma."

"Of course, lead the way."

* * *

"Well this is certainly a very impressive office you have here. And the view is amazing, Christian."

"Please take a seat, Carla."

She does and looks at me nervously. She has a book; I think it is Cinderella, clasped in her hands.

"You are making me nervous." She says after a while.

I laugh and sit down to a chair opposite of hers. "You don't have to be nervous, Carla…look around I don't have a cabinet full of scary guns."

She laughs and rolls her eyes. _So that's where Ana gets it from!_

"Look about Emma; you know that we spent a little time on the piano this afternoon?"

"Yes, Ana told me. I was thinking in hiring a piano teacher for her, your mother told me that it helped you."

"It did." I admit taking a deep breath. I am way out of my comfort zone. I have never discussed my issues with anyone other than my parents and Ana. "But I did it for the wrong reasons, Carla. You have to know that the first four years of my life where…"

She holds her hand and smiles sadly. "I know about your formative years, Christian, Ana told me…"

"Okay…well I didn't start to play the piano because I liked it, but because I thought it would please my mother. I don't have any other way to explain this to you; but I thought that it was my fault that my biological mother had overdosed. I thought that I was really a bad boy, because that's what they kept telling me, and I thought that by not talking and doing what I thought pleased my parents, they would never find out."

"Oh Christian, I am so sorry to hear that…"

"It okay, Carla, it was a long time ago…"

"Do you think that Emma wants to play the piano because she thinks we want that?" She asks disbelievingly.

"I don't know, Carla, but what I do know is that she is smart and that she understands everything that is going on around her, but that the car accident she was in, where she lost her parents…she just can't handle that and…"

"…she probably thinks it is her fault…" Carla finishes for me.

"I am not saying that's how Emma feels, but I know that as a child the reality can get distorted…We don't know what happened before they entered the car. Maybe her parents were mad at her, maybe her parents were fighting with each other…and maybe Emma thinks that what happened is her fault. All I am saying is that she needs help and I…"

"You want to help Emma, and I appreciate that, Christian."

"I have taken the liberty and asked my personal assistant to do some research to find Emma the best psychologist in Seattle."

"We have been discussing about enrolling her in Kindergarten, we really think it will be good for her."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?" she blinks confused.

"Why do you think that Kindergarten will be good for her?"

"We want her to flourish; she needs to be able to interact with children her own age and to help her build her self-confidence."

"We are just trying to do what's best for her, Christian." She says after a brief silence.

"I know, Carla, but you have to keep in mind that Emma has been through a lot. First the accident where she lost her parents, then she was put into a home where she had to adjust to new people, kids and now she is living with you. What I am trying to say is that a lot happened in this last year and that she somehow needs time to getting used to all the changes around her. Do you honestly think that Emma is socially- and emotionally ready to start Kindergarten? Is she able to relate to her classmates? Is she able to express her feelings in words?"

"No…she can't."

"It's terrifying, Carla. I can tell you from experience that it is absolutely terrifying and frustrating. I think that she needs to be comfortable in her own skin and her surroundings before she starts Kindergarten."

"We are trying to do what we think is best for her and of course for Sebastian." She explains again.

"I am not judging your parental skills because you already proofed that you are a good mother, Carla."

"Am I?"

"Of course, look at Ana…"

"Even after what happened with …Morton? Even though I send my own child away to live with my ex-husband?"

"You did what every good mother would have done. You protected your daughter from harm and that is brave and unselfish, Carla." I look at my watch and rise from my chair.

"I am sorry, but I have to get ready."

"Thank you, Christian."

* * *

"I am so freaking excited." Could have fooled me since she hasn't stopped bouncing on her feet, clapping her hands and squealing. _She hasn't stopped fucking squealing_

Instead of saying that to her I just look down at my excited, bubbly sister and give her a smile.

"Are you nervous?" Another bounce.

 _Yes._ "No" I snort. "I don't do nervous, Mia."

"Yeah right." She rolls her eyes "She looks absolutely amazing. Every head in that fundraiser is going to turn when you enter with Ana on your arm."

"She always looks amazing." I say, what makes my sister smile. _What_ _the hell is taking her so long?_

"Let me look at you." Mia says sweetly. "There" She says fidgeting with my bow tie. "Now, you look perfect."

"So can you explain to me why I am waiting in the hallway?"

She shrugs. "Because it's romantic and I figured since you never went to your prom…"

"I didn't want to go, Mia…"

She nods her head and bumps my shoulder with hers. "Hey, can you tell me what's wrong with Elliot?"

 _Hell no._ "Can't do that, sis, you know, bro code and all…"

"And what am I?" She says crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"You are our little sister…"

"If you don't tell me between now and fifteen seconds what's wrong with Elliot, I am going to march up those stairs and tell Ana that we have to redo her hair…" She hisses. The look of determination on her face tells me that she is absolutely serious.

"Fine…but it needs to stay between us, Mia."

With my eyes darting from the stairs to Mia I tell her the entire story. If the situation between Kate and Elliot wouldn't be so damn serious I would laugh, because watching the expression on my sisters is funny as fuck.

In a span of a few minutes Mia's face has gone from anger to shock, surprise, relief, aggravation and then even contentment.

"Well…shit…that's just, wow…" She tucks her hair behind her hair and shrugs.

"Does it make me a bad person to be a little bit happy?" I cock my head to the side and lift my eyebrow.

She rolls her eyes and punches my arm. "I am not happy about the fact that Elliot is hurting, but I am happy that Kate is out of the picture…" She shifts on her feet and actually looks slightly embarrassed.

"I mean we are talking about Kate here, Christian, she is just so…"

"Bossy?" I say.

"Yeah…and…"

"Vivacious?"

"Yup…"

"Strong-willed…"

"Yeah…"

"Tenacious?"

"You sure are insightful…" She giggles but quickly recovers herself. "Where is he now?"

"He went out. Seems that he ran into some guys when he came here and he just hangs out with them."

She furrows her brow but before she can reply we both turn our heads to the stairs where Ana is walking down and she looks amazingly gorgeous. She is stunning.

The powder pink dress she is wearing has a short front and a long back, making her legs seems a mile long. She looks so absolutely beautiful that I am lost for words. And her hair…is half up and half down, while soft curls frame her face. She is so beautiful.

"Ana…fuck…gorgeous…"

"Really tasteful, Christian." Mia coughs next to me.

"Ana, sweetie, you look beautiful." Mia kisses Ana's cheeks carefully and backs away.

"Thank you, Mia and Maggie, I couldn't have done it without you…"

"We are going to tell your mom that you're ready. Have fun, guys!"

"Christian, you look so handsome." Ana places her hand on my cheek and smiles.

"God, Ana, you look…I have never…I mean…astonishing…"

"Thank you, Christian." She giggles. "Look, you can't even see the bruises anymore; they really did a great job."

"Oh my god, Anastasia, sweetheart! You look so beautiful!" Carla storms into the hallways and envelopes Ana in her arms. "And look at your hair…" Carla sniffs and wipes a few tears from her face and looks down at Emma who has a book clutched under her arm.

"Doesn't Ana look pretty, Emma?" Emma nods shyly and then softly touches Ana's dress.

"Thank you, Emma." Ana crouches in front of Emma and leans down to kiss her cheek.

And then Emma opens the book and points at the princes. "That is an amazing book." Ana says taking it from her. "I always loved Cinderella…Carla used to read it for me before bedtime. My favorite part is when…"

Emma shakes her head frustrated and points at the princes in the book and then at Ana.

Ana is trying to figure out what Emma is telling her, but then she gasps. "You think I look like the princes?"

Smiling Emma nods and touches Ana's dress again.

"Well that is the most amazing compliment ever, Emma, thank you. And you know what? When we get back in Seattle I am going to buy you a dress just like Cinderella…would you like that?"

Emma looks at Carla first and then back at Ana and nods enthusiastically.

"Deal" Ana whispers.

"Ana we need to go, baby."

"Okay, be careful, Ana. Stay with Christian and have fun." After another kiss from Carla we are left alone again in the hallway.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Anastasia. And it will be an honor to have you by my side this evening."

 **Anastasia**

"Do they really call this a superb meal?" I whisper into Christian's ear when I see that the rest of our table is busy socializing and not paying us any attention.

He chuckles softly, wipes his mouth with the napkin and leans down to whisper in my ear. The contact of his lips against my ear makes me shiver. "Not a fan of squid ink pasta with poached lobster, Anastasia?"

"I don't want to be rude…" Placing my hand on his leg I slide it up until I have reached his thigh. "But it's black and there was only one forkful of pasta and as for the lobster, I think mine was really tiny…" I squeeze his thigh and give him a sweet smile. "And I don't like…tiny…"

"I know what you are doing, Ana."

I ignore him but I have to admit that it gives me enough satisfaction to see his reaction. "I don't think I even want to know what you have paid for this _superb_ meal"

He shakes his head a little smile playing on his lips and when he looks at me, his eyes have this stormy color gray.

His hand goes to mine and lifts it from his thigh and then kisses my knuckles.

God, this is actually boring as hell. I don't know what they thought when they made the table arrangements but we are seated with only elderly people. And when I say elderly I mean freaking fossils. It's a miracle they can even sit up straight.

"What are those balls on the middle of the table?" I place my hand on his thigh again and then when Christian looks at those weird balls he chuckles but then he looks at me and the chuckle turns into hard laughter. He throws his head back and laughs. _Ah shit!_

"Those balls are supposed to be the centerpieces, Ana." _Oh really?_

He leans down and kisses the top of my head then he motions with his head to the older man sitting next to me. "Do I need to teach the gentleman sitting beside you that it's not polite to touch another woman's man?" His lips are twitching and a giggle escapes my lips.

"He is falling asleep, Christian; I am just supporting him with my shoulder so that he doesn't fall of his chair." And I mean who can blame the poor man? It is boring.

"God, I never knew a fundraiser could be so exciting!" I whisper into Christian's ear with fake enthusiasm. "I mean the conversations are so livid and …" I feel Christian tensing beside me and when I follow his gaze I see a woman sauntering through the space. I can only see one side of her face. She is talking animatedly to another guest holding a glass of champagne. She oozes confidence and money.

"Christian, who is that woman?" When his eyes dart to mine and I see fear and hurt I know that I am not going to like his answer.

He swallows harshly and entwines our hands. "Don't get mad, okay?" He says.

"I won't…"

"She is one of my former…" He swallows again. "I am so sorry, baby…I didn't know."

"It's okay…" I say clearing my throat. _God, how many of those are there? Oh yeah…15! How could I forget?_

I don't get the opportunity to reassure him because the guest speaker is tapping against the microphone to get our attention so he can start his speech.

" _Thank you all so much for wanting to support the work of Dyslexia…"_ The words get lost as I focus my attention on the cougar across the venue.

The speaker probably just made a funny comment because everybody starts to laugh and that's when the woman turns around. Her eyes scan the setting and that's when she spots Christian.

Since she has turned her body I have know a better view of her face. She is wearing a beautiful black gown with a dramatic train and she is literally dripping with jewels and diamonds. I can't see her face very well from this distance but from what I can see it seems that she is a huge fan of cosmetic surgery.

Her eyes lock on mine and then I see a small, vicious smile forming on her lips. _Oh bitch, bring it._

I give her an equal smile back and slowly turn my head and focus on the guest speaker.

Christian's hand is tightly holding on to mine and his eyes are solely focused on the speaker and I just feel bad for him. I squeeze his hand a little and after taking a huge breath of air he turns around and looks at me. The fear and uncertainty in his eyes is horrible so I smile at him.

"I love you, Christian…" I smile and lift my hand and brush my fingers over his cheek.

Breathing a sigh of relief he places his forehead against mine.

Our moment is interrupted by the waiter who comes to bring our desserts, a tiny gingerbread house resting on a layer of vanilla ice-cream, and we have no other option than to break apart.

"Do you want to dance?" Christian asks when the band starts to play.

"I need to go to the bathroom; don't you need to network or something like that?" I ask because he hasn't left my side since we entered. Sure he made some polite talk to some people who approached him, but he brushed them off.

He looks at me and then hesitantly nods his head. "Sawyer will be escorting you to the bathroom" Inwardly I roll my eyes at the absurdity but I don't comment. "You really want to roll your eyes right now, don't you?" He says fighting a smile.  
"Nah…" After a quick kiss on his cheek I grab my clutch from the table and make my way to the bathrooms.

"How is Prescott doing, Sawyer?" I look up at him and I swallow back a giggle. He looks like those security guys in the movies. They are all dressed in black with a wire thingy in their ear. The only thing that's missing is the black sunglasses.

"She arrived at her sister's this afternoon. She is doing well, Ms. Steele."

"Good to hear." I wait for Sawyer to do his sweep of the bathroom and when he comes out again he gives me a terse nod. "I'll be waiting right here, Ms. Steele."

I jump back a little when I step out of the stall and the woman dressed in black is standing there. She is leaning casually against the marble sink and that horrible, vicious smile slowly appears on her face.

"What are you doing with him?" Her voice sounds as if she has smoked one cigarette too much. _Nasty._

"I am sorry; I don't think we've met…" I force the quiver in my voice to settle down, because even though I don't want to admit it, this woman screams authority.

"I know who you are…" She says with that nasty voice. "You are Anastasia Steele, free lance photographer and owner of Ana's photography and Art based in Seattle. You worked three years in Great Britain as a nanny and started your photography career here in New York." She looks smug and bored at the same time.

"Then you have me at a disadvantage…" With a simple shake of her head she cuts me off and takes a step closer. My hand automatically goes to my neck as I take a wobbly step back.

"What…do you want…?"

"He doesn't deserve you…" _What?_

"I'm sorry…"

"He doesn't deserve you…" She says again. She huffs and looks me up and down with such inscrutability in her eyes that it makes me feel incredibly small. "I mean sure, you are wearing a Vera Wang, but I bet he paid for it…" Her eyes shine. She knows she is right because I could never afford a dress like this.

"Look I don't know what you want from me, but please let me pass…" I grasp my clutch from the sink but the moment I want to pass her she takes a step to the side, blocking my way.

"Are you with him for the money? Because I can give you money…" Something inside me snaps and I have to take a deep breath so I don't start screaming at her.

"Do you really think that a man as successful as Christian is going to be faithful to you? Do you really think he loves you? It is all an act…"

"Look I don't know who you are or what you want from me, all I see is a bitter, angry woman who has nothing better to do than to run background checks on people…"

"You don't know who you are dealing with." She hisses with disdain. "I am…"

"You are the woman who contracted a young man to have sex with…you paid a man to have sex with you…" I shake my head. "Now what does that say about you?"

My knees are shaking as I walk to the door but I decide to tell her one more thing before I walk away from her.

"Stay away from him, from us. You don't know him. And oh…you have some lipstick on your teeth."

 **Christian**

The moment Ana enters the venue, I immediately can tell by the set of her shoulders and the sadness in her eyes that something just happened in the bathroom. Sawyer is following her and right behind Sawyer is Charlotte Allard. _Well fuck._

Ana stops briefly to scan the room and when her eyes find mine she gives me a tight smile then her eyes scan further until she sees a waiter holding a tray filled with champagne. She squares her small shoulders and strides towards the waiter, grabs a flute from the tray and throws it back. I look momentarily at Sawyer asking with my eyes if something happened but he shakes his head.

When I look back at Ana I see her walking towards me, she has full flute in her hand and it seems as if the tension in her face and body has waned down a little. _Or maybe that's just wishful thinking._

"What happened?"

"Kiss me…" She says looking up at me. "I know that it is totally inappropriate right now, but I really, really need you to kiss me."

 _What the fuck happened?_ Fuck I can't stand the look on her face. She looks so miserable and hurt.

I close the small distance between us, place my hands on both sides of her face and lean down to brush my lips against hers. She sighs softly against my lips and brushes her tongue against mine. I kiss her slowly and throw everything I feel for her in that kiss. And in those ten seconds the only sound I can hear is that from my heart racing in my ears. And in the time span of those ten seconds nothing matters anymore, only the woman in front of me. When we break the kiss and our breathing is still irregular I keep my eyes closed before reality comes crashing back.

"Want to get out of here?" I ask.

She looks surprised for a moment and looks around in the venue. "We can leave?"

"Of course we can…I showed my face, made the donation…" I shrug. I take her hand to my mouth and kiss her fingers.

"Let's do something fun, then…" She says, the tightness around her eyes is gone and replaced by a little sparkle.

"Whatever you want to do."

"Really?" Her teeth sink into her lip while she places her hands on my waist.

"Really…"

"Okay, then I want to go to someplace quiet…and I want to eat Mexican food, because I am still hungry and then I want to fall asleep in your arms."

"Are you sure about that Mexican restaurant, because the last time…"

"Oh hush…" She playfully says pinching my waist.

"Why don't we go and say goodbye to the hosts?"

"Okay, I will get my purse."

Xxx

"You said you wanted to go to someplace quiet and eat Mexican food, right?" We are seated in the back of the car, Taylor waiting for my instructions.

She nods.

"How about we go to a hotel tonight and order some Mexican food?"

Her brow furrows in confusion. "A hotel? Are we going to spend the night there too, then?"

"If that's what you want." I shrug. _Anything for you. Anything to make you happy._

"I love the idea, but I don't have a change of clothes and…" I place my finger on her lips and shake my head.

"You don't have to worry about that, okay? You want Mexican food, quiet and to fall asleep in my arms. Let me take care of that."

She nods her head and smiles that fucking amazing smile. "Let's go then."

Xxx'

"Christian, this is perfect." It isn't actually, I think as I look around in the small room, because I would have preferred staying at the Mark Hotel's penthouse overlooking Central Park, but that's not what my girl wanted. She wanted _normal_. And what my girl wants, my girl gets. Simple.

"Anything to make you happy, Anastasia." I walk to where she is standing and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Are you going to tell me what happened in that bathroom?" Her fingers that where brushing over my hands still.

"Who is that woman, Christian?" She turns around in my arms and brushes her fingers over my cheeks. "Well I know what she is, but who is she and what the hell happened between the both of you?"

I close my eyes as the shame ripples through my body.

"Her name is Charlotte Allard. She was married to one of the richest and most influential real estate magnates in the country. The story goes that they met in a strip club, he liked her pulled her out of there and three weeks later they were married. A few months after they were married she found out that the only reason he married her was so that he could inherit his father's business. To make a long story short; he cheated on her during their marriage and when she found out she hired a private detective. They ended up divorced, of course, but not after he gave her a huge chunk of his money and properties. She is a very wealthy, lonely and bitter woman."

"Okay, well…but what happened between the two of you?"

"It started innocently, actually." Ana rolls her eyes and then quickly mutters an apology.

"At first she only contracted me for business diners and sometimes only to talk. The first few months nothing happened…until it did and then she wanted…more. She wanted me to join her on overseas trips, spend the night with her, she wanted me exclusively… and then one night she told me she had fallen in love with me."

"I told her that I wasn't in love with her and that it was purely a business arrangement for me…she threatened me, I threatened her and I left, that was the last time I saw her."

"That explains everything, then." Ana whispers. "She was in love with you…and probably can't stand the fact that you are now in love with me…or maybe she thinks that all men are cheaters…ugh I don't know."

"She didn't even know me, Ana." I say feeling irritated. "I acted how I was supposed to act. I smiled because I was paid to smile, I fucked her because she paid me…I never had feelings for her."

I pull her against me not liking the distance between us and kiss her forehead. "What did she say to you?"

She sighs and recounts what Charlotte said to her.

"So what she basically told you was that I am a cheater and that I would leave you."

Ana shrugs. "Indirectly she called me a gold-digger."

"I am sorry that she said those things to you and I know that you are not a gold-digger, Ana."

"I know…" She sighs. "I don't care what other people think about me as long as we both know the truth." She says sadly.

"And I will never leave you, Ana. I made that mistake once and I won't make that mistake again…but maybe she is right and you deserve someone better than me."

"Will you stop that?" She yells pushing against my chest. "Stop that!" Angry she pulls her shoes off and throws them on the floor. She walks towards me and takes my face in her hands.

"You Christian Grey are the strongest person I know, you have strong values and you are a great person. You are a wonderful son, who is much loved, and you are the most amazing boyfriend a girl could wish for. So I don't want you to ever speak that way of yourself again. I know that I acted horribly the other day, you know with the tequila, but I blame the hit on my head I received a few hours earlier. I am in love with you and I choose you, so I don't care what that woman says or anyone else, okay?"

"Okay?" She repeats when I don't say anything.

"Okay… and I love you too."

* * *

"Oh my god, this is so good." Ana moans as she takes a bite of her enchilada. "It's cheesy, spicy and simply delicious." Taking the Corona from the floor she points to the empanada in my hand. "How's that?"

"Delicious" I say and take a big bite. "Much better than the squid pasta…" I wink.

She nods and takes another bite and looks at the food Taylor brought us. "This is fun…it reminds me of when we were still were Harvard."

"What is your happiest memory from Harvard?" I ask. I quickly put the food aside and sit next to her with my back leaning against the bed.

She is quiet for a moment, playing with the label of her bottle of Corona and then turns her head to look at me. "There are a lot of happy memories…but I think that if I would have to choose…was the day that you asked me to be your girlfriend."

"Fuck, do you have any idea how nervous I was?"

"You where? God, Christian, you could have any girl on campus…"

"But I wanted you." I look down at her and by eyes land on her cleavage.

"Will you stop staring at my boobs?" She nudges my arm playfully.

"You can't expect me not to look at your boobs, as you call them, while you are wearing that, Ana…"

"I was in a hurry because I was hungry and I needed to get out of that dress…by the way, did Taylor pack my bag? Please tell me that Taylor didn't pack my bag?"

"Probably Mrs. Jones or your mom…" _Or Taylor…_

"Good" She mumbles. She offers me her beer and I accept and take a sip.

"What is your happiest memory, Christian?"

"While in Harvard?"

"Hmm, hmm"

"When you painted my boundaries on my body with lipstick…"

"I remember how intense that was." She whispers and leans her head against my shoulder. "Your entire body was shaking…oh God and do you remember how mad Kate got when she found out I had used her lipstick?"

I laugh because Kate's reaction was pathetic and over the top. When Kate stopped rambling and ranting about how Ana had messed up her favorite lipstick, Ana simply shrugged, patted Kate on the head and kissed her cheek.

Ana starts laughing too. "I will never forget the look on her face when I told her to get over it."

We fall into a comfortable silence in sitting on the floor of this horrible hotel room. However, no matter how horrible or simple the room is or the fact that I am sitting on the floor surrounded by takeout food, I don't think I've felt so happy in a long time. I have my girl sitting next to me, wearing an incredibly sexy bodice, her hands in entwined with mine and one of her legs is draped over mine. _What more could I want?_

"Can I ask you something, Ana?"

"You can ask me anything, Christian."

"Do you think that I would make a good father?"

"I do." She says without hesitation.

"How do you know so sure?"

"Because you are a great guy and just look at how you are with Emma…you have so much love to give and you are so protective and caring."

"The thought terrifies me." I admit softly.

"The thought of becoming a parent?" She asks lifting her head to look up at me.

"Yeah…"

"Well, me too, so how about we practice first?" In a swift move she straddles my lap and starts unbuttoning my shirt."

"I like practice, Ms. Steele…"

 **Anastasia**

Christian is silent as he watches me.

"Turn around." The playfulness has left his face completely and I nervously do as I am told. He immediately leans forward and presses his chest to my back, his chin resting on my shoulder. My breath stutters when I feel his hands sliding down over my waist to my thighs.

"You know Ana" His breath against my skin causes goose bumps to rise along my entire body. "You have been sitting here the entire time in that incredible sexy bodice, making these little moans every time you took a bite of your food…"

"Even though you look incredibly stunning in this, I want you to take it off…" Seconds later after taking off my bodysuit Christian points at his legs and I sit back down, my back facing his chest.

His hands glide to the inside of my thighs and with very little effort he pulls my legs apart and then starts sliding his hand along my inner thighs.

Suddenly his arm comes around my stomach and he presses me against his erection straining against his pants. His other hands slowly slides down to my front until his fingers are sliding through my wetness and he slowly presses a finger inside me. I moan softly as he starts circling his finger around my clit.

"Don't stop…" I mutter raising my hips.

"Don't worry, Ana, I am just getting started…" He skims his tongue along my neck until he has reached my ear. "I want you to watch…"

My hips jerk as he cups me and he starts making slow circles around spreading my wetness.

"Watch…"

I look down and he uses his finger. My entire body starts to tremble as I watch him bringing me to an orgasm. I lean my head against his shoulder and widen my legs to give him better access.

"Fuck, Ana, that's hot…"

My body starts to shake and I sink my nails into his thighs. His touches are slow at first but then he starts to stroke faster until I yell out my release. He continues touching me until I am lying spent against his shoulder, my legs limp and useless.

"We are not finished yet…" Effortlessly he lifts me up, rises from the floor and spins me towards the nearest wall.

I hear as he quickly unfastens the fly of his pants and pushes me right against the wall. "Hands above you head." He orders huskily. He pulls my hips backward and then he is pushing inside me in one long, fluid stroke.

Christian moans in pleasure before he pulls out and thrusts back in. The feeling is exquisite.

But before I have time to think about what's happening I am pushed away from the wall and before I can even blink he is laying me down on the bed.

"I love you, Anastasia…and I am going to show you how much I fucking love you…"

Afterwards when Christian has shown me how much he loves me I lie awake looking at him and I realize that it is impossible to sum up how much _I_ love him.

* * *

 **Author's note; due to some personal issues I need to take care of, I won't be able to update next week. See you all February 14!**

 **And don't forget to check out my Pinterest page.**

 **X Alner**


	43. Chapter 43 - Siblings

**Chapter 42 – Siblings**

 **Christian**

The bed is shacking a little and even half asleep I briefly brace myself for the impact of the cast against my head. That thing has turned into some sort of mace, because every time Ana turned in her sleep last night, she banged me against the head or my chest or my arm.

There is a soft giggle and then I feel small hands spreading my legs. _Oh fuck yeah._

When I lift the covers I am treated to the most beautiful sight a man could dream off. My girl is nestled between my legs while her tongue is doing delicious things with my cock.

"Why are you giggling…" Releasing my cock from her mouth she looks at me a giggles again.

"Your penis was stuck against your leg…it was funny…" _Penis?_ Crinkling her nose she lowers her head and continues her assault.

"Babe…" Fuck I can't believe I am going to say this. "Your mom…" _With her fucking supersonic hearing._

"My mom and the rest are still sleeping…it is freaking early…they will wake up in a few hours, have breakfast and then they are off to Seattle…so now shut up, Grey, and enjoy…"

And here is when I thought that my day couldn't be better. Because the fact that they are leaving in a matter of hours makes me absolutely happy. They are all leaving today. That is everyone except Elliot and Mia who invited themselves to Peter's exhibition. But since my sister has shopping plans and my brother is doing god knows what, I can look forward to spend the day with my girl.

Keeping one hand wrapped around the base of my cock I feel her swirling her tongue around the tip. I close my eyes and focus on the fantastic feeling. She now takes the head in her mouth and starts sucking gently at first and then harder. With her other hands she reaches between my legs and starts playing with my balls cupping them gently and slides her finger along the sensitive spot behind them. "Oh fuck!" I groan.

"Ana…stop…Ana…I don't want to come like this…" She doesn't stop though but takes my dick further into her mouth.

In a swift move I lift her from between my legs and I watch in slow motion the cast coming closer and closer until she hits my forehead.

"Fuck!"

"Oh shit…oh crap…does that hurt?"

"It doesn't fucking tickle, Ana…" She is trying so hard to look serious, but she is biting that bottom lip so hard that she is almost drawing blood

"Let me look at it…" She is trying not to look into my eyes but then it starts with a snort followed by a giggle and before I know it she is laying back on the bed, her arms covering that smooth belly and laughing her tight little ass off.

"Oh my god…I am so sorry…it's just…" She wipes the tears from her eyes and lifts her arm in the air. "I think I am going to get used to it…god you should have seen your face…" She somehow can't stop laughing, because every time she opens her eyes and looks at me she starts all over again and I know just the way to shut her up.

Carefully, as not to get punched in the nuts by her unpredictable moving legs I crawl over her body until I am completely hovering over her. She sighs and opens her eyes while at the same time she wraps her legs around my ass.

"I love you Christian, and I am sorry I knocked you over the head…" She pouts and brushes her fingers softly over the sore spot.

"Are we really going to do this, Ana?"

"Doing what…" She says and blushes furiously. _We are going to fuck too, but that is not what I am referring to right now._

"Moving in together…"

Her eyes widen and her smile gets big and bright. "Yeah, we are really going to do this, like real grownups…" Fuck, she looks so beautiful right now that I have to bite my tongue so that I don't blurt the words out. _Marry me, marry me…_

"So you really want to trade that beautiful penthouse for my two bedroom apartment?" She says cocking her head to one side.

"My apartment is empty and cold without you and honestly… I don't give a fuck where I live as long as you are there with me." _And that's the god's honest truth._

"And what about your security?"

"I'll buy the building and when that's done I just throw a few tenants out." I shrug casually. _And it happens that I know just the perfect tenant to throw out…his name is Justin fucking Callahan. Womanizer and asshole extraordinaire._ That asshole has been on top of my shit-list since the day I saw him in Ana's apartment with those filthy paws all over her body.

"That would be totally stupid and over the top, Christian." She says brushing it away. _I am not joking, baby._

"What are you thinking?" She asks, her fingers now softly brushing my scalp.

"Ana?" _What the fuck?_

"Ana, honey, are you in there? Well I know you are in there because I heard you talking…"

"Mom?" Ana replies incredulously while she frantically tries to crawl out of bed.

"Yes, Anastasia, it is me…" Carla says a little impatient. I roll my eyes and groan.

"I heard that, Christian." Ana's eyes get impossibly wide and I just give her the I told you so look.

"Mom, just a minute…" It is now my turn to laugh when I see Ana struggling while putting on a sweatshirt. Her cast got somehow stuck in the sleeve and I hear little grunts and moans.

"You could help, Christian! I am stuck!" She mutters from under the shirt.

"Ana, sweetheart, are you all right?" I roll my eyes three times, just because she can't see me. She has, like Taylor, the most miserable timing and that sucks.

"Do you need help?" Carla hollers.

"No!" We both say at the same time. While I walk towards Ana her hand brushes against my cock.

"Will you please put on some clothes, Christian. My mother is going to have a heart attack if she sees you like that."

Finally I see Ana's head appearing and she somehow managed to cram the cast into the sleeve. _Incredible._

When we are both decent enough to open the door a broad smiling Carla is standing there with little, beautiful Emma.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." She says keeping her face blank.

"What is it mom? I thought you were all going to sleep in and then we would have breakfast together!" Ana says a little bit too enthusiastic.

"Well that was the initial plan, but Emma woke up and now we are all awake and I thought it would be fun to spend the time together."

"Of course, let me get dressed and we will be down in a moment."

"I'm sorry." Ana says she closes the door. "Just a few more hours."

 **Anastasia**

"Mom, one cup of flour, 2 teaspoons of baking powder, a half teaspoon of salt, two table spoons of sugar…" I say and look at her over my shoulder while I get the eggs from the refrigerator.

"I've got it under control, Anastasia." She says briskly. _Yeah, right_. I give Emma a little wink and she tries to wink back what makes her look totally dorky with her glasses gliding down her little nose.

"Christian told me that you are waiting with enrolling Emma in Kindergarten until she is five."

"We are." My mom says after a little pause. "He was right, she isn't ready. She needs to be able to fully express herself." She looks at the ingredients for the pancakes and sighs.

"Here, why don't I make the pancakes and you finish cutting the fruit?" My mom smiles and playfully shoves me to the side.

"I am glad we are going to live in Seattle." She says cutting a banana into small slices. "I missed you the last couple of years."

"I missed you too mom." And I mean it. Although these last few days have been rough, I am glad my mom made the trip from Seattle to see with her own eyes how I was doing.

"Tell me more about the house." I say.

Her face lights up and she stares into the distance with a dreamy look on her face. "It is the perfect house, it's in Bellevue actually close to Carrick's and Grace's house but there is still a lot that needs to be done. We've rented a house for the time being since we can't keep living with the Grey's."

"You could stay in my apartment." I blurt out.

"If it would only have been me and Rob, then yes, but we need space and the age difference between Sebastian and Emma is too big to have them share a room." I absolutely agree on that.

"If there is anything we can do to help." I look at Emma who is carefully watching us. "I can babysit if you want…they both can stay with us."

"I might keep you up on that." My mom says. She then looks at Emma. "Emma you need to drink that milk."

Emma scrunches her nose and shakes her head.

"Maybe she doesn't like milk…" I add softly. I mean I know how pushy my mother can be and how adamant about eating.

"Everybody likes milk, Ana, besides it is good for her." Quickly cleaning her hands on a towel her brow furrows.

"I am going to see what is taking Bob so long. Emma, I want you to drink that milk, okay honey?"

Emma stares at her and then looks at me. _I can fix this._

"Just go and find Bob, mom, I'll make sure Emma drinks her milk." _Or Not._

As soon as my mother leaves the kitchen I turn out the stove and walk to where Emma is sitting. That horrible mug of milk sitting in front of her.

"You don't like milk, Emma?" She shrugs.

"So, you like milk, but you just don't want milk right now?" She nods once and that hopeful look in those little eyes brings the big sister out of me.

"Okay, here is what we are going to do. I am going to help you with that milk, but just this once, okay? And you aren't supposed to tell Carla, because she will get really mad…" Her eyes widen but she shakes her head nonetheless and then she pushes her mug filled with milk to me.

"I am going to tell you a few secrets but only because we are sisters and you need to make sure that you tell Sebastian, okay?" She needs to think about it, but then finally nods her head slowly.

"Okay, first; never take a big bite of Carla's pancakes, they suck." She nods and grins. "You need to make sure that there is always yoghurt and granola or cornflakes. If you have no other choice but to eat those god awful pancakes make sure to add enough syrup to cover the taste." Her eyes fly to the bottle of syrup and she nods. "You need to make sure to eat though, Emma, because breakfast is very important, okay?" Again she nods and this time she looks earnest.

I hear footsteps coming closer and I relax when I see that it is Christian. "Good morning, Emma." Brushing his hand over her blond hair he leans down and kisses the top of her head.

"Hey, beautiful." He leans down and kisses my cheek. "I can't wait for them to leave and pick up where we left." He winks at me and saunters to the stove and starts with the pancakes.

"What were you girls doing?" He says turning around to look at us. I stare at him, not really knowing if I should let him in our little secret. He squints his eyes and looks from me to Emma. "Ana?"

"I just need to help Emma…my mom, she wants her to drink the milk, but Emma doesn't want milk…" Without waiting for his reaction I take the mug filled to the brim with milk to my mouth and drink it.

"You know that your mom is going to find out, right? Besides milk is good for her."

I huff and cross my arms in front of my chest. "I'll make her a smoothie…"

"Who are you going to make a smoothie for?" Crap, my mom.

"Emma." I squeak. "She drank her milk!" I hold the empty mug in the air and I watch my mother's face transform from happiness to incredulity. Oh crap her mother-spider-senses are coming out.

"So Emma drank the entire mug of milk, Anastasia?" She crosses her arms in front of her chest and her eyes bore into mine.

"Uh huh…I was just telling Emma…"

"And you wouldn't have anything to do with that empty mug?"

"Pff, of course not, I would never…" I am distracted by Christian who is brushing his fingers over his upper lip. He looks amused, though.

"Then what is that white milk-moustache you are sporting, Anastasia?" I feel my eyes widen and my face burning up. My hand flies to my mouth and I quickly wipe my mouth with my sleeve.

"I was just…I mean…I just tasted it…" I lie. God I am really a shit liar.

"Emma? My mother takes a step to the side so that she can look at Emma. Poor little Emma is wringing her hands together and her eyes dart from Christian to me and then to my mother.

"Emma, honey, can you please look at me?" My mother says gently.

My heart breaks when I see the little pout on Emma's lips and her teary eyes. "Did Ana drink your milk?" The pout grows bigger and she looks down at her hands.

"I drank her milk, mom. Don't get mad at Emma…it was my idea." I admit. "Please, I will make sure that she eats her breakfast…and drinks something really nutritious."

"Fine, I will let it go for this once…but don't lie to me again, Anastasia." _Don't roll your eyes. Don't roll your eyes._

"I won't _mother_ …" I give her a little smirk and lean down to kiss Emma cheek. "It's over…she isn't angry anymore." I quickly whisper in her ear.

"Ana!" My mother admonishes me. "Smoothie coming up for Emma!" I say cheerfully completely ignoring my mother's ire.

Christian is still leaning against the counter smirking at me as I grab a few pieces of fruit to make Emma's smoothie. I try to ignore him but when I look at him his smirk widens. He then takes a step forward and pretends he is helping me with the smoothie. "I told you so…"He whispers.

* * *

"Can I be excused?" Sebastian says looking at Carla. "I still need some packing to do." He has been quiet the entire breakfast answering question with short answers clearly not wanting to interact with anybody.

"Are you sure you've had enough?" My mother asks looking at his empty plate. I agree with her on this one, because he has hardly eaten anything.

"Yes, ma'am."

My mother gives Sebastian a little smile and nods her head. "I'll help you!" I say quickly throwing my napkin on the table.

"You have already packed." I say pointing at the duffel bag on Sebastian's bed.

"Yup" Sebastian plops down on his bed and picks his phone from the nightstand.

"What's wrong, Sebastian?"

"Nothing."

"Well something is clearly wrong, you can talk to me… I am your sister." I feel myself smiling as I say the word sister. Holy shit! I am someone's sister!

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"What?"

"Saying how happy you are with me and Emma…I understand that you are happy with Emma, but I am…me. I am thinking of telling Carla and Bob that I don't want to be adopted." He rambles. "I'll just stay at the home…"

"Why?" I breathe.

"Because it's for the best, Ana." He says glaring at me.

"Why?" I press further.

"Just fucking drop it!"

"Hey! Don't curse!" I yell back. He looks slightly taken aback but recovers quickly.

"You curse…"

"I am…older." _Lame, Ana. Really fucking lame!_ "Look Sebastian…if you don't want me to call you my brother…I won't" I shrug although I don't like it.

"Please tell me why you have changed your mind?"

"Because I am not a good person…" He says softly.

"Why would you say something like that?" I whisper appalled by his thoughts.

"Do you need me to spell it for you?"

"Well yes."

"She made me do horrible things, Ana…and I did them…everything she told me to do…even though it made me feel filthy and worthless. And now it seems that there are pictures of me and little Emma and god knows maybe they turn up on the internet…what the hell do I tell my classmates?"

"She was manipulating you, Sebastian. Do you want me to get Christian, he can talk to you, he…"

"I know what he went through, Ana…he told me." His hands are balled into tight fists as he lifts his eyes to look at me.

"I am not Christian. I mean look at him. He is a zillionaire…"

"He is just Christian." I say cutting him off. "He once was a fifteen year old boy, just like you. Christian has worked incredibly hard to get where he is today, he made a lot of sacrifices, but most importantly he knows that what Elena did to him wasn't his fault."

"You don't get it do you?" He grits out. He lowers his head and starts to sniff and I take tentatively a step forward. "Just leave me alone, Ana."

"I can't do that. Because whether you like it or not, you are my little brother and even though I have never had siblings before, my gut instinct is telling me not to leave you alone."

"You're stubborn…" He mutters.

I giggle nervously and take another step forward. "I know." When I finally reach his bed I sit down and it breaks my heart to see the tears on his face. He is wiping his face furiously and from what I can see only getting angrier.

"It is okay to cry you know?"

"Crying is for weaklings…"

"Oh, let me guess, the witch of the wicked west told you so, right? Well she is wrong. She is evil, Sebastian and everything she has told you, you need to forget…she was manipulating you, she was feeding you shit…"

"Bob and Carla are only adopting me because they are afraid to hurt my feelings and because they pity me." He whispers barely audible.

"That's not true, Sebastian. Carla is a great mother and a great person and so is Bob. If they thought just for one second that they couldn't give you and Emma what you deserve they would never adopt you. Carla really is a great mother, she is the best."

"What if people find out what I did, Ana?" He pulls his long legs up, wraps his arms around them and lowers his head.

"Carrick is an amazing lawyer." I hesitate before placing my hand on his but I do. He tenses slightly but he doesn't push me away, thankfully.

"And do you think that Christian will let that stuff leak out? He cares about you Sebastian, we all do."

His entire body is shaking from the crying and I don't know what to do anymore. I understand his feelings, because Christian has dealt with those and to some point is still dealing with it.

I grab a few tissues from the nightstand and push them in his hands.

"Shall I get you something to drink? Maybe a little water?" He shakes his head.

He stays like that for god knows how long, but if the thinks that I am leaving the room, he doesn't know me yet.

"Are you really telling me the truth about Carla and Bob?" Hope settles deep in my chest as I nod my head adamantly but when I realize her can't see me I clear my throat. "Just give them a chance…they are cool."

He nods his head once and I smile when I see his hair flopping over his forehead when he lifts his head to look at me. "You need a haircut."

"Yeah, but a little birdie told me that you aren't supposed to cut my hair." He smirks and I just glare at him.

"Wiseass…" I playfully slap his knee and shake my head.

"That's what brothers are for." He says casually.

"So you are cool with me being your big sister?" I emphasize the big so that there is no misunderstanding.

"I think you are pretty cool for a big sister. I mean you are stubborn and clumsy and you need to keep your distance with that cast of yours, but other than that…you're cool." He replies. His brow furrows and then he gets this nervous expression.

"What's wrong?"

"There is something I need to talk about, but you are a girl." He scrunches his nose.

"There is nothing wrong in being a girl!" I chastise him.

"Some things girls just don't understand." He says dismissively. "DO you think I could talk to Christian before we leave?" He asks hopeful. "I mean he is your boyfriend and you both act so grossly in love I bet you will probably end up marrying him pretty soon."

My heart rate picks up when he mentions marriage and I am stunned into silence.

"Because when you marry Christian, he'll become my brother too, right? Because you are going to marry him, right?" God, how did the conversation end up in talking about me marrying Christian?

"Yeah…maybe someday." I clear my throat. "DO you want me to get him for you?"

"That would be cool."

"Can I give you a hug, Sebastian?"

"I don't know…" He says fighting a smile. "The last time you hugged me you almost smacked me unconscious."

"That was an accident…" I huff.

"Come here, big sister."

"Just remember that I am not only your big sister but also your friend. Remember that if you fall, I'll pick you up…" I whisper in his hear. I lean back and look at him and I just want that serious expression off his face. "That of course after I finish laughing."

"You are bad…" He says shaking his head.

"I'm awesome! And I am your big sister, don't you forget that, Sebastian!" I yell and round the corner in the hallway where I smack into a hard chest. Christian. He is looking down at me and I can't really place his expression.

"Uhm…hey…Sebastian, he wants to talk to you." I say pointing to Sebastian's room.

"I heard…I was worried and I came up to see what was wrong with him. You did a great job, Ana and you are an amazing big sister." He leans down and brushes his lips against my cheek.

"And you are going to marry me…and not someday…but soon." He winks, smacks my butt and walks into Sebastian's room shutting the door behind him. _Soon? Don't think so._

 **Christian**

"My mom just called and they have landed safely in Seattle." I tell Ana who is struggling while taking off her sweatshirt.

"Good…" I hear her muttering.

"Thank god!" She says throwing the sweatshirt on the bed. She saunters her tight little ass to the closet and then yells over her shoulder. "Did you have a good talk with Sebastian?"

"Yup"

"Spill the beans, Grey."

"Can't…its guy stuff…" I shrug nonchalantly and watch her squinting her eyes and her hands go to her hips.

"I'm his sister…"

"What makes you a girl…"

With her hands still on her hips she turns bright red and then stomps her foot. "Fine, if that's how you want to do it… .me!"

She turns around to walk back to the closet but changes her mind and twirls around facing me again.

"Just so you know, but if your sister ever confides in me, I won't tell you…"

"Yeah, now that you mention it, what were you two giggling about?"

A smile creeps up her face and she wiggles her eyebrows. "Secret…you know girl stuff…"

"Ana…what did Mia tell you…"

"What did Sebastian tell you…and you need to go first." She says quickly.

"Come here and I'll tell you…"

"Ha…not happening, Grey…I know that you will try to persuade me with your sex-thingy…"

"My dick?"

"No not your…dick…you know you get all smooth and sweet." She pauses and shakes her head. "Just tell me."

I might as well tell her. Jesus Christ she sure is insistent. "Sebastian…he likes a girl and that girl seems to like him and he doesn't know how to …handle it. He asked my advice."

Ana's eyebrows shoot up and her mouth opens.

"A girl?"

"Who is she? What's her name? How old is she? Who are her parents? Where does she live?"

"Wow, wow….take a fucking breath, Ana."

Her irritation just seems to get worse and then I release another sigh.

"I didn't ask so many questions, Ana…fuck I didn't even know that I was supposed to…"

"Then what do you know?"

"Just that they like each other and he didn't know if he should tell her what he's been through…"

"What did you say?" She whispers.

"I told him that when I met you that I felt that I could trust you and when the time was right that I told you everything and that if that girl is really as amazing and sweet as he says she is that she'll understand and accept him."

She opens her mouth again to speak and wraps her arms around her waist.

"I also told him that he is still young and that he maybe can start this out as a friendship…that he should hang out with friends."

"I hope he doesn't get hurt…he is still so young, Christian."

"I know…and her name is Willow…"

"Did he show you a picture? Is she cute?"

"She is cute…she has…reddish blonde hair, like Kate…but don't tell your mom, Ana…"

"I won't." She says rolling her eyes.

"So, now you spill the beans…Mia?"

"Oh yeah…well she has a date…" She quickly looks at the clock on the nightstand and then back at me. "She is probably at his place by now since I didn't hear her come back?" _A date?_

"My little sister has a date? What his is name? Do I know him?" I am already grabbing my phone to ask Welch for a background check when Ana pulls it from my hand.

"You know him…its Ethan Kavanagh…Kate's brother."

"Ethan fucking Kavanagh? The surf dude with his relaxed attitude and his too bright smile? The guy is like a walking whitening-toothpaste billboard advertisement."

"Don't be ridiculous, Christian! Ethan is a nice guy, he really is."

"You know him?"

"Of course I know him!" She says now throwing her hands in the air. "He is Kate's brother! He is a good guy…"

"And how in the ever living fuck is my sister meeting him here?"

"Ethan lives in New York…" She turns around on her heels and walks to the walk in closet. "Oh and they already kissed! She bumped into him the other day and they had a great time!" She yells from the walk in closet.

 _Yep, definitely asking Welch to run a background check._

I hear her giggling, snorting and muttering while she is standing in the walk in closet. "Ana, what the fuck is taking you so long?"

"You know, I have no idea if this is a nightgown or something else…" At first I only hear her voice since my eyes are focused on my phone. "I mean this is just too uncomfortable to sleep in…" I hear her footsteps on the floor and then a little growl escapes her lips. "Jesus, it itches."

I slowly lift my eyes from my phone and suddenly all the blood leaves my brain.

"Ana…what…"

"I know right? I look ridiculous…" Well that's not exactly the word I had in mind.

"You look …sexy…" _Fuckable. Deliciously hot. Yeah, those are the words I had in mind._

She giggles and shakes her head. "Well I am so not sleeping in this." She says adamantly. "I mean what is it with rich people and lace?"

"Ana, come here." I manage to get out.

"Yeah, let me get out of this thing first, okay?" She says her nose scrunching in that fucking adorable way.

"The hell you are…"

"Christian!" She shrieks when I jump out of the bed and pull her along with me until I am sitting on the edge of the bed and she is straddling me.

"Hmm…what's this all about?" She says moving her hips against my dick.

"That is my cock approving your outfit, baby."

She smiles against my lips and slowly starts peppering little kisses from my jaw to my earlobe.

"Ana…"

"Yes, Christian." She whispers seductively against my neck. She keeps kissing and licking me and fuck if that doesn't feel good.

"Cat got your tongue?" She says when I don't reply. I feel her smiling against my skin while she continues with those hot little kisses. Surprising her again I lift her up my lap and carefully place her on the bed. She is giggling and smiling and fuck is she doesn't look hot. Her brown locks spread out like a fan on the cream-colored sheets, the rapid rise and fall of her chest and her perfect smile.

"Don't move…" I order.

"What are you doing?" She says when she sees me grabbing her camera from the chest of drawers.

"Is it on?" I ask looking from the camera in my hand to Ana. She simply nods her head, her teeth sunk into that plump lip.

"So how does it work?" I say feeling like a total moron.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Are you, Christian Grey, billionaire, hot CEO and sex on legs, asking me how a camera works?" She raises her eyebrows challenging me.

"Smart ass, just work with me here."

"Well I could tell you everything about focus and exposure, but I've already set them automatically…so click away, Mr. Grey."

"This button?" I point with my index finger.

"Yes, that's called the shutter button. You can press it halfway down of all the way down. When you press it halfway down, the camera will lock in the focus and exposure settings. After a second the camera will beep to indicate that it's ready, and you can then press the shutter button the rest of the way down to take the photo. If you don't wait, the camera won't have the time to make adjustments and the photo may come out blurry, too dark or too light. So patience, Grey."

"But why weren't you waiting the other day a second between each photo…" I whine.

"That's because I was using the other camera. Now tell me, what you want me to do, because this thing is itching."

"Just be yourself." I shrug.

"Okay…" She giggles and starts making funny faces. Fuck! This is fun. I keep clicking and adjusting my stance when she holds up her cast in front of her face.

"Enough!" She shrieks. "Christian…just get me out of this thing!"

"How does it feel now that the roles are reversed?" I say placing the camera on the middle of the bed. I lie next to her and shove her towards me. I want to be as close to her as possible.

"What do you mean…" She says softly.

I shrug. "Well mostly you are on the other side of that camera…" Her face becomes a few shades redder and I know that this just wasn't a first for her.

"Who made photo's of you, Ana?"

"Peter…" She whispers. "But only when he bought a new camera…and really they were innocent."

I nod my head and try not to show her my disappointment.

"Your phone is buzzing." Ana says moving her head to look at my phone lying on the bed. At this moment I don't really care about the fucking phone, though.

"Let it buzz." I mutter sliding my fingertips over her nose, down her neck and to those perfect breasts.

"Christian…it might be your parents or something important…" She says and sits up pushing my hand away.

"Fuck it!" Brushing my hand through my hair I grab the phone. "Grey!" I yell into the phone. _This better be fucking good!_

"What? No…that impossible…my brother is…are you sure, Taylor?"

I brush my hand over my face and groan.

"Be right there."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I mutter.

"What's wrong?" Ana asks.

I shake my head. "Come I need to show you something." I grab her healthy hand and pull her off the bed.

"You have to change." I say through clenched teeth because fuck I was supposed to undress her.

Making our way to the staff quarters we see Sawyer and Taylor watching the CCTV.

"Look." I say pointing to the screen.

With her hand still holding mine I watch Ana's brow furrow in confusion. Then she slowly inches closer to the screen and looks at Taylor and Sawyer who can barely hold in their laughter.

"Why are we looking at some idiot dancing on the sidewalk?"

 _She is right about the idiot part._ "Just look closer, Ana." She does and then her eyes grow wide.

"Oh my god. What is he doing?" Her hand goes to her mouth. "That's Elliot."

"Yup, that's my idiotic brother."

"Is there sound? Can we hear what he is saying?"

I nod my head when Taylor looks at me for approval. Let's enjoy watching my big brother make a fool out of himself.

After adjusting the sound Elliot's voice comes loud and clear out of the speakers. He is singing and dancing like a moron. His arms in the air while he is shaking his ass from one side to the other.

 _Dear penis, I don't think I like you anymore_

 _You used to watch me shave now all you do is stare at the floor_

 _Oh dear penis, I don't like you anymore._

Every now and then he stops singing to shout. "Good evening everyone!"

And then it is like watching an accident happen. We see an older couple approaching and Elliot starts singing again. The man is obviously trying to get his wife to move, but the woman seems to be rooted to the spot watching my brother making a fool of himself. Elliot continues the dancing and singing until he sees the woman. Dancing, he makes his way to the woman, he throws his hands in the air and moves his hip in what he must think is sensual, but in all honesty his moves are improper and downright stupid.

Completely oblivious that the look on the woman's face is now turning into horror, he turns around and he lowers his pants.

"Oh! No!" Ana breathes. _Oh! Fuck._

"Taylor…"

"On my way, sir."

The last thing I see before I turn around to follow Taylor is the woman banging my brother over his head with an umbrella.

 **Anastasia**

"Elliot, what the fuck, man?" Elliot is looking ridiculously drunk, slumped in the couch. Every now and then he opens his eyes to look at Christian, but when he sees that his little brother is still pacing, he quickly closes them.

"I asked you a fucking question, Elliot!" Christian bellows. "What the fuck where you thinking? Do you have any idea how many times mom and dad got in my face because you weren't here to say goodbye to them? Where the fucks have you been?"

"Bro, inside voice…for the love of fuck…" Elliot slurs. His quickly gives up the attempt to sit straighter when Christian starts shouting again.

"How did you end up here?"

Elliot tries to look at Christian but he shuts his eyes again and his face contorts in agony.

"Dizzy…" He whispers at me with a lopsided grin.

"Elliot…" Christian asks again this time standing in front of his brother, hands stuffed in his jean pockets.

"Fuck! My head hurts…" Elliot says brushing his hands over his head.

"Elliot! How did you end up here?"

"Don't know…" Elliot is actually pouting now. And if Christian weren't this angry I would laugh. Leaning his head into his hands I see him shaking. At first I think he is crying but when he looks up I see that he is actually laughing.

"What are you laughing about, Elliot?" I ask and crouch in front of him. Immediately I stand up again because the smell emanating from his is horrible.

He stops laughing and he looks confused when he finally looks at me. "I have no fucking clue." He snorts and let's himself fall back against the couch.

"Have you called Kate?" Christian asks and kicks his leg.

"I did…and she didn't pick up the phone…" He brings his hands to his face and covers his eyes. Christian rolls his eyes and kicks him again.

"She send me a text, though…" He sits up and rummages through his pockets. He sighs, grumbles something under his breath and looks at me.

I can't even be mad at him right now with his hair all over the place and that mischievous smirk on his face. He's a mess though.

"I can't find my fucking phone…" Elliot grunts. He then holds his finger in the air and it seems like he is thinking hard. "I remember what she wrote… Elliot you are a motherfucking piece of shit. Go find yourself another blonde to fuck…" _Yup, sounds like Kate._

"But…but…you know…Anaaaa…" He starts rummaging through his pockets again and finally he pulls out not one but two phones.

"What, Elliot?"

"I didn't fuck anyone…because…" He point to his crotch. "My soldier wasn't cooperating…that's why I was singing the song…" He sing songs.

"Elliot, go to sleep and tomorrow you are going to take the first flight to Seattle and you are going to talk with Kate." Christian says fisting his hair.

"I am staying with my little brother …here…" He points to the couch. "Because you are my little brother…"

"Fuck…he's hammered…"

"He needs a shower." I say crinkling my nose because he smells, bad. "But he needs help." I add quickly.

"Do you expect me to shower him!" Christian asks and his face is filled with disgust.

I roll my eyes and cross my hands over my chest. "He can slip and fall…"

"Well maybe that will knock some sense into that brainless head of his." Christian growls.

Elliot is following our conversation looking confused. Slumping back against the couch he looks at his hand and that goofy smile is back on his face.

"Hey! Look! I have two phones now!" They are both black iPhone's and carelessly he throws one on the couch. When he starts fidgeting with his phone he furrows his brow and the confusion on his face only seems to grow bigger the longer the stares at the phone. "Hey...this is weird…"

"What is weird…" Christian is already helping Elliot to stand from the couch when he shoves his phone in my face.

"This isn't my phone…"

"Why don't you just go to sleep and figure out whose phone you have, okay?" I say softly and hope that he just cooperates.

"Oh fuck!" He yells and throws the phone away looking horrified. "Did you see that?"

"What?" Christian growls and grabs the phone from the couch.

"That…was a …I never…I mean…" Elliot is rambling and all of a sudden he seems sober as his hands brush over his face and hair and starts shaking his head.

"Elliot, what is it?"

Slowly Christian picks the phone up and his face changes from annoyed to horrified in a matter of seconds.

"Motherfucking piece of shit!" Christian grabs Elliot by his collar and drags him to the wall.

"What the fuck do you have on your phone, Elliot? What have you done?"

"Christian, you are hurting him…let him go…he said that it wasn't his phone…there are two phones, he probably took someone else's phone by accident."

"I may goddamn hope that it isn't your phone…" With a last shove against the wall he releases Elliot and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Christian, what is on that phone."

"Video's, very graphic video's, Ana…"

 **Author's note: Happy Valentine's day!**

 **Song that Elliot is singing: Dear penis – Rodney Carrington**


	44. Chapter 44 - Concessions

**Chapter 44**

 **Christian**

Yawning I pinch the bridge of my nose and tighten the hold on my mug of coffee. It is too damn early to be woken up by my security guard.

"Mr. Grey, the pictures Ms. Steele received?" He looks at me seeing if I am following him, but unfortunately I know exactly what he means. I motion with my hand for him to continue quickly because the thought of Ana sleeping upstairs makes me irritated and pissed as hell. I want to be laying next to her instead of talking to Taylor about that fucking phone. "We found the same photo's on that phone. There were also photos from your parent's, sister and of course your brother."

"Have you found out who the phone belongs to?" I ask rising from my seat because I am ready to kick my brother's ass who is still sleeping without a care in the world.

"We were able to copy the videos and photo's but the moment Barney wanted to dig further it turned out that the phone couldn't be activated. The owner probably reported his phone lost or stolen."

"I am going to get my brother."

But first I can't fight the urge to check up on Ana. Carefully as not to wake her, I open the door and smile when I see her sleeping soundly on her stomach, her feet poking out from under the sheets and her hair all over the place. Fuck, I should be lying there with her, instead of solving my brother's problems.

With as much noise as possible I open the door to the room Elliot is sleeping, with enough force that it bounces back from the wall. _The fucker doesn't even stir._

The moment I step into the room I am hit with the awful smell of booze and body odor.

"Elliot! Get the fuck up!" My voice bounces of the walls and this time he actually wakes. His body jerks and with his hair sticking in every fucking direction he sits upright, his eyes squinting against the bright light that is coming through the windows.

"Fuck, Christian, you gave me a fucking heart attack." He falls back into his pillows and pulls the duvet over his head.

"Get up!" I growl yanking the duvet from his face. "Get the fuck up!"

"Christ! What crawled up your ass this morning?" _Do I hit him?_ It is tempting…but that would only delay everything.

I grab him at the collar of his t-shirt with so much force that I hear the fabric tearing. I no time I have pulled him to his feet and shove him towards the bathroom. "Take a piss or do whatever you have to do. I expect you to be downstairs in Taylor's office in two minutes!"

* * *

"I should kick your ass, Elliot!" He looks at me from over the rim of his coffee and winces.

"Does your head hurt?" After another wince he nods his head.

"Good, I hope it explodes!" I yell on purpose.

"Mr. Grey, can you tell us who you were with last night?" Elliot winces again at the way Taylor is addressing him and groaning he buries his head in his hands.

"Just Elliot, Taylor." He mutters with his head against Taylor's desk.

"Elliot…" Taylor starts now and I can hear at the strained tone of his voice that his hands are itching to give Elliot a good ass kicking.

"To whom does this phone belong to?" Taylor holds the phone, tucked away in a plastic bag, in front of Elliot's face.

"I don't know…we were with a big group." He brushes his hands over his face and looks sheepish from me to Taylor.

"Well if you don't want me to kick your ass, I'd advise you to dig deep into that thick skull of yours."

"Let me think for a second." He mutters brushing his fingers over his temple.

"Elliot, this is fucking serious. Do you have any idea about the videos on that phone? They are the vilest thing I have ever seen. So I want you to think exceptionally hard…"

"Did you watch the videos?" He asks and looks guilty.

I nod. "But I wish I hadn't."

My anger continues to grow when he just keeps staring at his coffee. "Fuck, man I don't even remember getting back here yesterday." He whines. "I don't know if I can remember…" That's it!

In two strides I am standing before him, my hand once again in less than 10 minutes grabbing his shirt and dragging him of the chair.

"I understand that you are hurt about Katherine and that your head is all over the place." I growl and our noses are almost touching. "But we suspect that the owner of that phone is not only a fucking pervert, but that he also has been following Anastasia…" His eyes widen and when he nods his head once I give him one big shove against the wall and let him go.

"Jack and I were the last ones left yesterday. So I assume it is his phone I got."

"What is Jack's last name?"

"Hyde. His name is Jack Hyde."

The words haven't even passed Elliot's lip or I see Taylor grabbing his phone from the desk. "Notify the police Taylor and keep me informed." I look at the clock on the wall and a smile creeps up my face. "I don't want to be disturbed for the next hour."

"Sir." Taylor acknowledges with a simple nod of his head.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Elliot yells when I start walking to the door.

"I am going to crawl in bed with my girl." I yell over my shoulder. _And make sweet love to her_. But that he doesn't need to know.

"And you stay right here and tell Taylor everything you know about that fucker Hyde!"

* * *

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Looking up from my laptop I watch Ana walking in with two cups of coffee.

"For you, always." Shutting the laptop I push the chair back and tap my leg with my hand.

With a smile Ana places the mugs on my desk and crawls on my lap.

"Did you check up on Elliot?" She asks leaning her head against my shoulder. And even though I can't see her face I can picture that little smirk.

I chuckle and squeeze her closer to me. "The last time I checked up on him he was barfing…and whining that he was dying."

"He is such a baby…I mean; I fixed him the perfect solution against his hangover."

"You just shouldn't have mentioned those raw eggs…"

She shrugs and snorts. "Well they are supposed to give that little protein punch to knock his socks off and get him feeling as new."

"He'll survive." I mutter.

"So are you ready for Peter's exhibition this evening?"

"Yes, I will be glad when it is all over and done with." She sighs and starts fidgeting with the buttons of my shirt. "I imagined this visit to New York a little differently; I just want to go home. I miss my apartment and I miss my studio. You know that I didn't go back there since the break-in?"

"I know."

"Hey, if you don't feel comfortable there, you can always go in search of another studio." She nods her head faintly. "I can help you, you know." I kiss her forehead and hug her tighter against me.

"And the offer to use GEH is still on the table. There is a lot of space." _Or I will create the space if necessary._

Fumbling with the buttons of my shirt she doesn't react, so I give her bum a little nudge. "Will you at least think about it?"

"You are sweet, Christian, and yes I will think about it." _Thank fuck for that._

"Have you heard anything from Taylor concerning Jack Hyde?"

"Well he has notified the police but it seems that Hyde left the hotel he was staying in. There is no trace of him so far and in a city as big as New York it is almost impossible to keep track of him. We have people on the airports. My team is still looking at the videos."

"Will you at least tell me what those video's where about?" She asks softly.

"The video's show a man, whose face isn't shown having sex with different women…they are vile and disgusting…it's hardcore and you could clearly see that those women weren't enjoying it…I don't think it was consensual."

"That's awful…"

"Okay there is another reason except the coffee of course why I came to interrupt you." She clears her throat and stands from my lap. Gathering the two mugs she hands me one and sits on the desk facing me.

"I just got off the phone with the editor-in-chief of National Geographic. I went through the final details with him and the departure date has been set for February 16th. I will fly to St. Petersburg where the Alexander Palace is situated…"

I stare at her as she leaves the words hanging in the air. I don't want her to go. I still think that Russia is too dangerous. But I know that when Ana sets her mind on doing something she won't easily back down. Even though she doesn't want to look happy I can see it clearly written on her face. She is excited, she wants to do this. This assignment is a huge opportunity for her business and career.

 _I don't know what to say._

"Please say something." She urges.

"Ana, I am just not happy that you are flying off to fucking Russia of all places…I…"

"Well, instead of one month I was able to shorten my stay for two and a half weeks…" She says hastily away avoiding my eyes.

"Why is that?" Alarm bells are going off in my head.

"I think I should be a little more specific." Slowly she brushes her hair behind her ear and I really don't like the look she is giving me. "You never asked about what the assignment entailed." The words hang heavy in the air. She is right. I never asked her what she was supposed to do in Russia. I was to fucking busy keeping her from going to Russia in the first place.

"The main assignment was and is about the Romanov's. Not about their lives as there has been enough written about that or about the mysterious disappearing of their fourth child Anastasia and the rumors of her possible escape. It was about their residences. I have always been intrigued by the Romanov's." She says trailing off. "But, when I finally decided to go I decided to do a little side project. I wanted to look into the underground prostitution market in the outskirts of Moscow. You see, it seems that prostitution in Russia is illegal but not a criminal offense. However, organizing prostitution is punishable by a prison term."

She is talking fast and she is nervously biting her lip when she finally looks up at me.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?"

She sighs and her shoulders slump. "I just wanted to photograph the girls that work there, the environment they live in. I wanted to hear their stories." She pauses. "It wasn't my intention to investigate the criminal gangs, Christian."

"And that should make me feel better?" I am actually proud that I am not yelling at her.

"At the time I didn't think that it was such a big deal…but with the whole Elena and crazy bitch story…" She snorts. "I am so not doing that anymore."

"Why would you even want to do that, Ana?"

"I wanted to enter a contest for "Pictures of the Year International" that is one of the one of oldest and most highly regarded photography competitions around." She shrugs again. "I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, you know."

"Why enter a contest, Ana?" Isn't she happy with her business?

"Exposure." She says simply. "Besides the winning photos are exhibited at a number of high profile venues, including the Newseum in Washington D.C."

"I can make that happen for you…"

Immediately her hand goes up and she shakes her head. "You probably could, but I don't want that. I want my work to be recognized and appreciated because of who I am and not because of who you are. I want people to look at one of my photographs and say, look that one is from Ana Steele and not hey, look at that that photo was made by Christian's Grey's girlfriend."

Standing on her toes she kisses my cheek and smiles sadly.

"What have you decided on Syria?"

"I had another e-mail yesterday and they really want to get this rolling so they are really accommodating and he wrote that he wanted to meet me in Seattle."

"So let me get this straight. The editor-in-chief of 'The Atlantic' is coming to meet you? Instead of the other way around."

"Weird right?"

"Where are their headquarters?"

"Washington DC…but maybe he has some other business to attend to in Seattle."She stares into her coffee. "It's weird though because I tried to call him but he doesn't answer his phone."

"That could have several reasons." And yet, I don't feel comfortable about this whole Syria-assignment.

"Can I go with you to this meeting?"

"Of course. Maybe you can teach me some of those negotiation skills of yours." She seems relieved when she jumps off my desk.

"Thank you for being so understanding about Russia." She says softly. She glances at the desk and then back at me.

"Good memories." She says eying the desk with a little smile.

"Oh baby, we can make new ones."

"No time." She says scrunching her nose. "Mrs. Collins is due to arrive in fifteen minutes! And you, Mr. Grey, need to get ready for your new job as my assistant."

 **Anastasia**

"Thank you very much for helping me today." I say standing on my toes and give Christian a quick kiss on his lips. Christian is beaming.

"You are by far the sexiest assistant I've had…"

"Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job." He says proudly, hands in his jeans. _Modest he is not._ "And little Hope liked me…"

"That she did…" A giggle escapes me as I slump down on the couch.

"What?" Christian sits next to me, pulls off my boots and socks and starts massaging my feet.

"I was just thinking that you can even charm a little nine months old baby with your smile." He shrugs and gives me that smile that makes your panties drop and your insides churn in that delicious way.

Actually Christian was one of the most terrible assistants I've ever had. Because instead of playing host and shielding me from distractions; he was the biggest distraction. Normally an assistant would prepare the set, check that all equipment is functioning properly, setting up light and accessories and the list goes on. Not that we had a real set, because we just did the shoot in one of his guestrooms, but he is right, because Hope smiled and laughed because of the funny faces Christian was making. And then I haven't even mentioned the fact that he was constantly bumping into me and standing far to close. _A horrible assistant._ _But sexy._

"How is your hand doing? Does it hurt?"

"No and I was glad I brought the tripod with me, I have to admit I am not a fan of it, but like I said I promised Mrs. Collins to do that photo shoot and she was so happy."

Silent and with his brow furrowed Christian continues massaging my feet. God, he is good at that.

Closing my eyes I lean back in the cushions. "How many children do you want?" I feel him pulling my other sock off and then he starts massaging my other foot. When I don't react he gently squeezes my foot. "Ana?"

I clear my throat and suddenly feel uneasy. I don't want to have this conversation with Christian now. Because even though Christian looked incredibly hot holding Hope in his arms. One hand protectively sprawled over her little back and the other one supporting her head, I just can't see us with a baby of our own.

"I never actually thought about it, Christian." _Liar, liar._

"You never thought about having children with me?" He asks incredulously and maybe even a little hurt.

 _You asked for it_. "Yes, I did, Christian, but five years ago I stopped thinking about it. The moment you left me every dream I had of a big wedding and children disappeared. I made sure to bury them deep down as not to feel the hurt." Shifting I pull my foot from his hold and lean against the couch.

"But we are together now, Ana. Forever remember?"

"Yes, we are together now, Christian. But now, as I see it, we aren't ready for marriage or children."

Pulling my knees up I wrap my arms around them I just stare at Christian's shocked face.

"Are you ever going to forgive me for that?" He asks, anger flaring at his words. _Are you fucking kidding me?_

"Christian." I say sounding as tired as I feel about having this conversation. "We just got back together, please, let's not…"

"No, I want you to answer my question, Anastasia. Are you ever going to forgive me for walking out on you?"

"I already forgave you, you asshole!" I scream at him, not able to hold back anymore. "I already forgave you, Christian, but it isn't easy to forget. You weren't there when I was crying my eyes out. I was crying so much that I felt sick. And when I finally found the strength to go after you and you threw me out of your apartment after telling me that you weren't in love with me anymore…well yeah, that fucking hurt. So excuse the fuck out of me, but those feeling don't disappear that easily. Because no matter how much I love you, in the back of my mind there will always be that lingering feeling of fear…and I need time." _Just give me time._

"But I will never leave you again!" He says exasperated his hand fisting his hair in despair.

"I know…" I crawl to where he is sitting and take his hands in mine.

"Do you really?" He says hoarsely.

"I was physically sick too, Ana. I didn't sleep or eat for days and I am truly sorry for the hurt I caused you…"

"I know, I really know." Entwining our hands I wait until he finally meets my eyes. "I love you, Christian and I know that you love me too. I am determined to make this work between us, but let's do this how we agreed to, slow. We are so young, we have so many years ahead of us. Don't you want to travel, see the world, and have lazy Sunday mornings where our biggest concern is what to have for breakfast? Because I do want that with you and we can't have that when we jump into having children. Kids are a huge responsibility, Christian."

Brushing the hair from his forehead I continue. "I want to have fun with you, Christian, like we used to have when we were still in college. I want to eat Mexican food sitting on the floor. I want to go to parties with you that we end up ditching and to drink wine straight out of the bottle in our bathtub. Remember when we used to slow dance even when there was no music playing? I want to go to the movies with you and sit in the back row and make out with you and when we finally go back home I want you to make love to me in our unmade bed. I want us to buy a house together and bicker about the color of the walls and then I want us to paint those walls together, even if we would get more paint on us than on the walls."

"I want all those things with you." He replies after a brief silence. He opens his mouth and closes it again and then he brings my hands to his mouth and starts kissing my knuckles.

"Do you ever think about how our lives would have been if I hadn't walked out on you five years ago?" _And here we go again._

"Of course I do" I whisper.

"I think about it a lot." He says regretfully. His eyes are now focused on our entwined hands. He shrugs and then I watch a slight blush on his face. "I am sorry, Ana, but when I saw you interacting with Hope something just clicked. You were so sweet, patient and overly loving that I suddenly wished that I had that too."

How do I answer this without having to repeat myself, but most importantly without hurting him?

"Christian, I am not ready to have children and I don't know when I will be." I add quickly when I see him opening his mouth. "Haven't you looked in my apartment, I don't even own plants, Christian, plants are living things…they need water and food and I forget to actually give them water. How do you expect me to be ready to have a child when I am not even able to keep a plant alive?"

"I understand what you are saying about having children." He says his bottom lip protruding a little bit. "But when do you think you are going to be ready to marry me?"

"Are you proposing?" I cock my head to the side and force a smile on my face, but who the hell am I kidding, Christian can look right through me. He doesn't smile his face blank and serious.

"Do you think you will ever be ready to marry me, Ana?"

"Why the rush, Christian? Why don't enjoy what we have now?" I am amazed by the calm in my voice because I would like to scream and yell and tell him not to ruin things.

"Because it is the logic thing to do." He deadpans.

"Please explain that to me…" I say taking a deep breath.

"After love, marriage is the next logical step." He says and if I am not mistaken he sounds a little annoyed. Well, guess what? I am annoyed too.

"I don't agree with you on that." I respond silently. "Love has no expiry date, Christian, but we still have to work on it. My mom once told me that love is like planting a tree; I you want fruits from the tree, you have to water it, nurture it and take care of it."

"Guess that advice came a little too late for her." He bristles.

 _Asshole_ "This conversation is over, Christian."

"I didn't mean it to come out that way." Tightening his hold on my wrist he tries to pull me closer but I yank my hand free.

"My mother made mistakes, Christian, I am not going to argue with you about that, but she learned from them, and I am wondering if you've learned from yours." Rising to my feet I don't look at him.

"I am going to work on Hope's pictures and you should answer your phone, it has been buzzing a while now. Don't forget that Maggie is coming over in a few hours to get ready for the exhibition."

"Ana, I am sorry." He says when I have reached the door that leads towards the hallway. _Aren't you always?_

I acknowledge his apology with a simple nod of my head and make my way to the library.

 **Christian**

Frosty is the best word to describe Ana at the moment. That is frosty towards me, because she is chatting up a storm with Maggie and my sister as we drive towards the Marriot Marquis Hotel where Peter's exhibit is being held.

Even when she walked into the living room half an hour ago, dressed in a stunning, shiny silver little dress and I complimented her about how beautiful she looked, she only gave me a small smile and could barely meet my eyes.

I tried to get her alone for only five minutes before we all got in the limo, but the opportunity didn't present itself, meaning that I haven't got the chance to apologize to her.

"I hope traffic isn't all too bad." Maggie says turning to look out of the window. "Adam just texted me and he said that the first guests already arrived."

"Five minutes." Taylor says from the driver's seat.

"Did you know Peter well, Maggie?" My sister asks.

"Yeah, Adam and Peter were kind of a package deal." She says smiling. "And when Ana joined the magazine we all used to hang out together."

"Just the four of you?"

"Uhm no, Noah Storm joined us occasionally." Fucking Noah.

"Oh we're here!" Ana says a little too enthusiastically for my liking. "OH my god, look at all those reporters." She whispers. "Taylor isn't there a back door where we can get in?" _No fucking way._

Taylor immediately makes eye contact with me through the rearview mirror and I just shake my head once. I want the fucking world to know that Ana Steele and I are together.

"Sir, Sawyer will accompany the ladies inside. I'll wait here and when he comes back we will both escort you in."

Ana is literally shaking while her gaze is locked on the screaming paparazzi.

"It is going to be okay." I say when Mia and Maggie have left the limo. Taylor is standing outside with his back facing the window.

"But what if they ask me something and I mess up…because I always mess up." Her eyes quickly shift to mine and then back at the crowd outside.

"Just don't comment on anything they ask. We will pose for those photographers and we will just make our way inside."

"Ana, I know that now isn't the time or place to apologize…"

"Apology accepted." She replies cutting me off. She takes a deep breath and places her hand on my leg, palm facing upwards. I immediately entwine my fingers with hers and close my eyes for a second.

"Why is it so important for you to get married, Christian? Why is that piece of paper so important to you?"

"It's not the piece of paper that is important to me, Anastasia." Bringing my hand to her chin I force her to look at me.

"Marrying you would feel like having unconditional support and partnership. I like the idea of being a family; you know something more than just two people who happen to be in love with each other. Like a symbolic gesture of our love and commitment to one another. Being able to provide unconditional love, acceptance, support and commitment are the most meaningful things I feel when I think of marrying you." Her smile is growing and she blinks a few times trying to blink away the moisture gathering in her eyes.

"I have seen it with my parents, Ana; two become one and we can move through the challenges of life together. And…I don't want to lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

"That is really sweet." She whispers. "And I don't want to lose the greatest thing that has happened to me either, but before making such a big commitment I need time. Can we compromise on time, Christian?"

"I can. I promise not to bring it up again. The moment you are ready, I will make it happen."

* * *

The moment we set foot in the exhibit Ana introduced me to Peter's parents. They seem genuinely nice people and from what I could see how they conversed with Ana, they love her.

At some point, after I walked away to get us something to drink, I lost her in the sea of people.

As I am standing at the side of the room with two champagne glasses in my hand I see Adam approaching me.

"She is over there." When I look to where he is pointing I see Ana talking to a giant of a guy. He is blond, tall and he is smiling at her. He then says something to her and I see my girlfriend throwing her head back, laughing at something he said.

"Who's the fucking giant?" I have already placed the two champagne glasses on a table and I am ready to whisk her away.

"That's Chris Hemsworth" He says brushing his hand through that awful long beard. "Don't worry if I thought it was a creep I would've already barged there." _What the fuck?_

"Adam." I say looking straight ahead at Ana and the Giant. "I think we need to have a little chat. I understand that you are friends and I should thank you for being there for Ana when she needed it. But I am here now and she doesn't need protecting from you anymore. Are we clear?"

"You mean, until you walk away for a second time?"

"Listen, Adam, I simply tolerate you because you are Ana's friend. The only reason I am not kicking your bearded ass right now is because I don't want to cause a scene. Now, the next time you try to come between us again, I won't be as tolerating anymore. Focus on your wife and I will focus on Ana. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to be with my girl."

I start to walk in her direction when she looks my way. Her smile widens and then I see her saying something to the Giant. She turns around and starts walking in my direction.

"There you are." She says relieved. "I'd lost you and I was looking for you when I bumped into Chris."

She looks at me nervously and her brow furrows. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I say pushing away those feelings of jealousy. "Why don't you show me around?" I say wrapping my arm around her waist.

"God, I love you so much, Christian." Gripping my wrist she pulls at my arm and stares at my watch.

"We have one hour and a half before the ball drops and I really want to get out of here…"

"You don't want to wait? I thought you said you guys wanted to go to a club afterwards. That it was some kind of tradition?"

"I've spend many times with them, and today I really want to spend it with you. Maybe we should start our own tradition." _Not going to argue here._

"Are you going to kiss me at midnight, Christian?"

I snort and pull her against me and lower my mouth to her ear. "I am going to do a lot more than kiss you, Anastasia Steele."

 **Anastasia**

They did an amazing job presenting Peter's work. They even hired gallery sitters who stay with the work at all times. There are waiters with refreshments and little canapés and the ambiance is relaxed. Exactly how Peter would have liked it.

They used different sources of lighting for the photographs and it looks really magnificent. There are photographs hanging off black walls and there are also large free standing boxes in the middle of the room. There is even soft music playing on the background.

Christian stops in front of two giant pictures. "Where is that?"

"Tibet."

"It's amazing." He whispers.

"Have you ever been to Tibet, Ana?"

"No, I haven't. Maybe we should go together."

"Maybe we could."

"Is there a place in the world that you haven't seen yet but still want to go?" He asks brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"That's easy. Australia."

"Why Australia?"

I shrug. "Australia is one of the most interesting continents. Just close your eyes for a moment and think of the varied landscapes, the wildlife and the beautiful sandy beaches."

"So you've never been to Australia?" He asks again.

"Nope. You?"

"No" He stares at Peter's photograph, his thumb brushing against his lip and then he looks back at me and smiles.

We keep walking until there is a very narrow path and we enter some kind of secluded room. There is a young couple looking at the photographs, but the moment we enter the room they give me a smile and a thumbs up and walk out.

The first thing I notice is the music which is entirely different of what they were playing earlier. Oh my god, they are playing the song "You don't know you're beautiful" It's the song that Peter used to put up for me when I was being annoying, stubborn or simply insecure.

"Jesus Christ." Releasing my hand Christian walks further into the room and stares at the seven photographs. They are all photographs from me and I remember like it was yesterday when he took them and what we were doing.

The three pictures on the black wall on the left hand are from when he bought this super expensive camera and he wanted to try it out.

Without meeting Christian's eyes I turn to the right and I giggle softly. There are four photographs placed together in a huge frame and it basically shows me wearing my ugliest shirt and having one of my worst hair days while doing stupid things at the camera.

Slowly I turn around to see what Christian's reaction is but he is just standing there in the middle of the room turning from one side of the wall to the other. His hands are crossed in front of his chest and his face doesn't give anything away. _Shit, he is going to be so mad._

"Christian?"

"Yeah?" He looks down at me as if he was forgotten that I was in the room.

"Are you all right, Ana?" I nod still not sure what the hell is wrong with him.

"Be right back. Don't move." He says quickly kissing me on the lips.

"Where have you been?" I ask when he returns five minutes later smiling smugly.

"I just bought these" He waves with his hand through the space.

"You what?"

"You don't really think that I would leave someone else buy your pictures, right?"

"So you are not mad?"

"Why would I be mad. He captured you perfectly. Exactly like you are. They are beautiful and I want them." _Thank you? I guess?_

"As long as you don't hang them on a very prominent place." I mutter.

Smirking he leans down and brushes his lips against mine.

"I would like to leave now." I say wrapping my hand around his neck.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Do you think we can manage to get home before the ball drops?"

"I don't think we can get home that fast but I have another idea." Wrapping his arm around my shoulder Christian guides me through the exhibit until we are standing in front of the reception desk. I would really want to smack that receptionist face when she scurries around drooling over my boyfriend. _However, ending in jail would be a really bad way to end the year._

"We really don't need such a big room, Christian." I say glancing around the preposterous suite. Who needs a living area and a sitting area when we are only going to spend the night here?

"I want only the best for you, Ana…" Holding my shoulder he guides me towards the king size bed.

"We still have thirty minutes." He says glancing at his watch. "Whatever will we do?"

Before I can say anything he is undressing me until I am standing in front of him only wearing my panties.

"What are you going to do, Christian?" In less than a minute he is standing in front of me only wearing his boxers.

"What do you want to do, Anastasia?" Biting my lip I put my hands on his chest and run them along his shoulders and arms.

"I want to look at you…" I say hoarsely while sliding my fingertips slide over his nipples. "You are perfect, Christian…"

Taking a step forward he brushes his lips against my neck and then I feel his fingertips against my soaked panties until my breaths start to come faster. Pushing his boxers downs I wraps my hand around his erection and slowly start moving up and down.

"I want to watch you making yourself come, Christian."

He takes a step back, his eyes hooded and dark and takes his erection in his hand and slowly starts to move up and down never taking his eyes off of me. "Is this what you want, Anastasia?" I don't know where to look first. His muscular legs, his taut abs, his flexing muscles at his forearm or at his dick.

"Is this what you want?"

"Yes." I say taking a step forward but he immediately takes a step back and shakes his head. "No touching, Ana…you wanted to watch."

"Please?" I ask licking my lips.

"If you want to touch something, touch yourself. Lie on that bed Ana and show me like I am showing you…"

Without hesitation and completely discarding my self-consciousness I do exactly what he asked me. As sexy as possible I discard my panties and lie down and expose myself to him.

"Christ!" He grunts his movements going faster when his eyes follow my fingers. "So…sexy…Ana…"

Something wakes inside of me when I see him enjoying himself while I am touching myself. "What are you thinking about, Ana…"

"You…I want you inside of me."

He hisses through gritted teeth and I watch his hand go faster and faster. "I'm close …Ana…together…"

"Fuck!" He yells and takes a few steps forward his hand leaning on the bed while he is hovering over me. "I'm so fucking close…"

"Come on my chest, Christian…" I pant. He comes with thick white spurts all over my chest while biting his lip and his eyes glued on my breasts. Seeing him losing control pushes me over the edge too, a moan slips from my lips when the orgasm hits me.

We never left the bed after that and Christian kissed me at midnight just like he promised whispering sweet words in my ear.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hey guys! Someday is coming to an end. There are about 4 to 5 more chapters before we reach the end!**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

 **Alner xxx**


	45. Chapter 45 - Someday soon

**Chapter 45 – Someday soon…**

 **Anastasia**

"Kate, come one, it has been what? Three weeks that you guys broke up. At least talk to him."

Stubbornly she keeps staring out of the window. I have to admit that the view from the Mile High Club is amazing, but I know for a fact that Kate isn't enjoying the view right now. She is simply avoiding looking at me. And just by simply looking at her wardrobe choice, I can see that she didn't put as much effort into it as she normally would have. She looks frumpy in her jeans and shirt.

Her normally shiny hair is dull and she has big, horrible dark circles under her eyes.

"Come one, Kate." I cover her cold hand with mine and squeeze gently.

"He cheated." She whispers still looking out of that damn window.

"Well, technically you had just broken up with him. He had tried to call you several times to apologize but you ignored all of his calls and messages and from what he told Christian he begged you not to break up with him." Her head snaps in my direction and her green eyes are shooting daggers at me.

"I'm just saying, Kate, that you are both to blame."

Sniffling she pulls her hands from mine and starts rummaging through her bag. Seconds later she pulls out a crumbled, used tissue and starts dabbing her eyes.

"Where is he now?"

"I think he is at home, Kate. Christian wanted to go to Elliot's yesterday, but he has been extremely busy this last week since we came back from New York. He has had back to back meetings, appointments and fuck-ups to straighten out, as he calls them, and by the time he got home every day this week it was too late. I think he was planning on going today and try to get him out to lunch or something."

"Do you think he wants to talk to me?" She asks and sniffs. I have to blink my eyes twice to check if the girl sitting on the other side of the table really is Kate Kavanagh, because this is not the confident Kate I know.

"Kate he is miserable and so are you."

She gives me a halfhearted smile and leans back in her chair when the waiter arrives bringing us our food. A Caesar Salad for me and a mushroom risotto for Kate.

"I am not really hungry, Ana." Pushing her plate away from her she reaches for her glass of wine and takes a big healthy gulp.

"Just a few bites, Kate." I say softly and push the plate back to her. "I mean you have to eat something… you look…"

"Awful, I know." She sighs.

"I wasn't going to say awful. I was going to say…different."

She rolls her eyes and picks up her fork. "Smooth, Steele."

"I quit my job." She says after a few bites.

"What?"

She shrugs and after dabbing her mouth with the napkin she throws it on the table. "I was miserable, Ana…and Christian was right."

"Kate…"

"No, Ana, it was like a slap in my face when Christian told me that I lacked every fucking skill needed to be a good journalist and that I was better off writing modeling items."

"Kate, it was a very emotional evening, especially for Christian…"

"He was right, Ana. He _is_ right." She says shaking her head. "He knows how to read people; he surrounds himself by only the best." She dabs the tears from her cheeks and when she reaches for her wineglass and notices that it is empty she motions for the waiter.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Frankly, I have no clue, but I know that there is not future for me with Kavanagh Media. My dad doesn't take me seriously and rightfully so." _Wow. Just wow._

"Kate, I don't know what to say." I am momentarily distracted when I see a message popping up on my phone.

 **Hey beautiful, on my way to Elliot. Call you when I get back to the office. Love you and can't wait to see you tonight. X Christian.**

"Is that Christian?"

"Yeah, he is on his way to Elliot right now."

She gives me another sad smile while she starts poking in her risotto.

"I also need to apologize. To you to Christian, well actually I need to apologize to everyone." I am so confused and surprised by her honesty that I don't know what to say. _Where the hell did Kate go?_

"I am sorry, Ana, so very sorry. I should have never hired that guy to dig into Christian's past, but I felt so left out and Elliot never talks about it and you never talk about it. At the time you were living in England and I wasn't even allowed to mention Christian's name so I thought…" She closes her eyes briefly and when she opens them she stares at me with so much sadness that I have to look away. "I had this feeling that everyone knew except me. I never thought about the consequences and that sucks and makes me a horrible friend."

"You're forgiven, Kate." I clear my throat and decide to be honest with her. "But don't do anything like that anymore. I mean you don't like to talk about your parents' divorce either, do you? You don't like when people ask why your parents are divorced."

"You are right and…" I hold up my hand.

"I wasn't finished, Kate."

"Sorry." She whispers.

"The fact that no one talks about Christian past is because it is in the past. Christian doesn't like to talk about it because as you know now it is something horrendous and his past has brought him enough hurt and pain as it is so there is simply no need to rehash it every single time. As for Elliot and Mia not talking about it; I don't even think they know what exactly happened to Christian before he was adopted. So let it rest. You always have the tendency to go out with you little sand pail and beach shovel and dig things up…if something is buried in the past leave it fucking buried, Kate." I hiss.

"After I've talked to Elliot I will apologize to Christian." She says sincerely.

I just nod my head and take a deep breath.

"So how are things between you and Christian?"

"Good. We are living together now." I say hesitantly, mostly because I don't want to hurt her more than she already is. Because things have been good these last week. No fights and we are happy and finally finding our way back to each other.

"That's good." She says. "So you moved into the penthouse?"

"Actually, Christian moved in with me."

This actually makes her laugh, what in return makes me smile.

"Christian Grey the billionaire has left his palace in the sky and has moved in to your two bedroom apartment?"

I just nod proudly.

"He is really madly, crazy and irrevocably in love with you, Steele!"

"I am crazy in love with him too, Kate…and…" I say pointing my fork in her direction. "Don't think that he didn't make some adjustments."

"Do I even want to know?"

"I am telling you anyway. The first thing he did after we landed in Seattle was calling a realtor to buy the complex. That same day a security company came to install a crazy top-notch alarm system and he wants a doorman." I take a deep breath. "He also did background checks on all the tenants. We now also have a joined bank account, joined credit cards and the list goes on and on…"

"And are you okay with that?" She says cocking her head to the side.

I shrug. "I am okay with the doorman and the alarm system, but the joined bank account and credit card is making me uncomfortable."

"Why?" _Really?_

I roll my eyes. "Because I don't have any money, Kate." I say annoyed. "Everything is Christian's…I don't have anything of value to bring into this relationship."

"Wow…I mean nothing what you just said surprises me, Ana, but do you realize that Christian is extremely vulnerable, being rich, powerful and all that, and that you both might be better off living at Escala?"

"I know and I was going to talk to him about it. I mean the man owns more clothes than I do or ever will! I don't even have the space for his ties let alone his suits."

"Maybe you can find something you both like, you know start fresh." She says softly.

"Yeah."

"As what you just said about not bringing anything of value into the relationship is total and utter bullshit Ana." _Well, I think the old Kate is back. Hmm, I think I like the other one better._

"Kate…" I am now the one who shoves her plate away.

"No, Steele. No one can measure up with Christian in terms of money, but he doesn't give a flying fuck whether you can contribute financially or not. I think that the reason for the joined bank accounts and the credit card is his way to show you that he totally adores you and wants to take care of you. I think it's sexy…" She scrunches her nose and makes a gagging sound.

"Don't tell Grey that I said he was sexy!" She whisper-yells.

"I won't…" _Because he would break out in a cold sweat._

While Kate orders our desserts, I take a moment to think about what Kate just said and maybe she is right. God, and then to think about the way I reacted when he gave me the credit card. _Shit._

And I have to admit that living in my tiny apartment for the last week has been a bit of a challenge and if I have to be frank it isn't practical at all, especially for Christian. He doesn't even have space to work or keep his files and stuff. And he is doing this for me, because he loves me and wants to make me happy.

"So when is the wedding then?" My fork freezes mid-air and I just stare at her.

"What wedding are you talking about, Kate?"

"Steele, sometimes you are just so dense" She rolls her eyes and leans forward. I mimic her movement and then she winks at me. " _Your_ wedding, Ana."

"There is not going to be a wedding anytime soon, Kate." I push my perfect little chocolate cake away from me. She just ruined dessert for me.

"Why not?"

"Kate, I don't want to talk about this."

"Tough shit, Steele, you made me talk about Elliot, now you are going to talk about Christian."

"There is nothing to talk about, Kate. Christian and I are living together. We are happy…he makes me happy…"

"So you discussed this marriage thing then?"

"God, you are just so…."

"Tenacious…yeah I know…" Looking smug she refills my glass and leans her head on the palm of her hand. "I'm waiting, Ana."

"Christian mentioned it a few times and I told him that I don't want to get married…yet."

"And this 'yet'…when is that?"

"He hurt me, Kate and…"

"But you forgave him, right?"

"Of course…"

"Then what's your problem?"

"What the problem is?" I hiss. "The problem is that the last time I accepted his marriage proposal he left me! He left me, Kate."

"But you talked about it and you forgave him…and by the way, why are you allowed to dig up the past?" She says calmly and slowly takes a sip from her wine.

"I already told you that I forgave him…jeez, Kate."

"So, you are stringing him along, then?"

"I am not stringing him along, Kate. How can you even insinuate that?"

"I don't know, Ana. Correct me if I am wrong." She cocks her head to the side and smiles. "When he brought marriage up and you discussed it, did you give him a timeline?"

"Not exactly…"

"Do you even want to marry him?"

I swallow past the horrible lump building in my throat and blink my eyes to push the tears away. Is she right? Am I really stringing him along? I forgave him a long time ago and I love him. And what he told me in the limo at Peter's exhibit was the sweetest and loveliest thing he has ever said to me.

" _Marrying you would feel like having unconditional support and partnership. I like the idea of being a family; you know something more than just two people who happen to be in love with each other. Like a symbolic gesture of our love and commitment to one another. Being able to provide unconditional love, acceptance, support and commitment are the most meaningful things I feel when I think of marrying you."_

"Ana, what you and Christian have is so amazingly wonderful. I have never seen a connection so strong and vibrant before. You guys have something really unique. I am not saying that you should marry him tomorrow but…"

"I think I am unconsciously trying to hurt him for what he did to me. Shit, Kate. I told him that I would tell him the moment I would feel ready to marry him, but I immediately threw that thought over my shoulder…I am horrible."

"You're not horrible, you are human."

"What do I do now?"

"Tell him."

"How?"

"You'll figure it out. You're smart."

Well it is time to turn the tables again. "Are you ready to go?" I ask putting my napkin on the table.

"Ready to go where?"

"To see Elliot, Kate." I rise from my seat and extend my hand but she doesn't take it. "Kate!" I hiss.

"We are going now…he is a mess you are a mess and you need to talk this out. Like now!"

"But I look…"

"Fine. You look perfectly fine. Elliot loves you just the way you are, Kate."

* * *

A smile appears on my lips when the valet brings out my new, shiny, fast car.

"Damn, Steele…that's a lot of car for such a little lady…"

"Oh shut up, Kate."

"Who's the hot guy over there?"

"That's Reynolds, he is security. And the one who was with us in the dining room is Sawyer."

"Is it necessary?"

"Definitely."

She nods her head and fastens her seatbelt. "I read about the attack, Ana, I just didn't want to bring it up."

"It's okay. It was horrible and I just want to forget it ever happened."

"At least you have an arm full of bling." She says pointing at my cast. "Let me guess? Mia Grey?"

"Yeah, Mia Grey."

* * *

"Just so you know…I am still mad at him." Kate says giving me the evil-eye. _Deal with it._ Kate crosses her arms in front of her chest and taps her foot while we wait for the door to open.

We hear some noises and when the door flings open it is Taylor. "Ms. Steele, Ms. Kavanagh." He greets us with a nod and motions with his arm to enter.

"Jesus, the smell." I say bringing my hand to my nose.

"Did he even go to work?" Kate says looking around in Elliot's living room. It is a complete disaster. There are empty pizza boxes lying everywhere, beer cans, empty bottles of wine and clothes scattered all over the place.

"I believe he did…but just to put the guys to work and then he comes back home."

Christian comes walking out of one of the bedrooms and stops shortly when he sees Kate standing next to me.

"Katherine" He says curtly nodding his head. Kate gives him a tiny wave which he doesn't even see because his eyes are zoned in on me.

"Hey, babe, I thought you were meeting me at the office later." I shrug and kiss his cheek.

"Where is Elliot, Christian?"

"In the bedroom, but Kate…take it easy on him."

She stares at him for a brief moment and when I think she is going to get bitchy she surprises me, again. "I will. And Christian? Thank you for taking care of Elliot."

"He is my brother, Katherine." It looks as if he wants to say more but then he shortly shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

"My assistant has contacted a cleaning company. They will arrive in about one hour to clean up this mess." He says looking at the mess surrounding us. "If you let them in, Taylor will remain here until they have finished." _Taylor isn't going with Christian?_

"Sir, I don't think…" Christian cuts Taylor of with one of his glares and shakes his head.

I watch the silent communication going down between the two men. Taylor has his hands behind his back, legs wide and his jaw tensed. With a simple nod of his head he pulls his phone from his pocket and turns around on his heels.

* * *

"Why isn't Taylor following you, Christian?" Irritated he looks down on me and sighs. Did he just roll his eyes?

"I have two men following me, Christian, and I was having lunch in your restaurant in a private freaking room."

"That's different Anastasia." His phone starts buzzing and he looks at the screen and then back at me. Jeez, I really understand that he runs a huge business but we have had so many interruptions already caused by that stupid phone that I am one second away from snatching it from his hands and throwing it away.

"It's not different. Jack Hyde is still hiding somewhere and no one can find him! We don't know what he wants or why! You know what, Christian, never mind because you are a stubborn ass." Stomping I cross the street until I reach my car. But before I can enter Christian turns me around and pushes me against the door encaging me between his body and the car.

"You are right, Ana. I promise to have Taylor with me from now one." He kisses the tip of my nose and smiles. "I hate it when we fight…" He kisses my cheek. "It almost weekend and as soon as I get home this evening I promise to turn off my phone, okay?"

I shrug like a petulant teenager and try to act as if his kisses and smile isn't affecting me. And why does he have to smell so good?

"You know what?" He says, his lips now brushing my jaw.

"What?"

"Why don't we go to the movies this evening?"

"Really?"

"Hmm, hmm…really. And I am in such a good mood that I even will let you pick up the movie."

"How generous of you, Christian." I feel him smile against my neck.

"Okay, I pick the movie and you have to buy me all the candy I want without you berating me about how unhealthy they are and I want to sit in the back and … make out."

"I think I can handle that" He chuckles.

"Good. Then I'll see you when you get home."

"I'll have to go to Escala first to change clothes." He says.

"Why don't I meet you in Escala? I can cook dinner and then we can discuss something that's been on my mind for a while now."

"What is it that you want to talk me about?" The playfulness in his voice is gone and I hear that nervous undercurrent that I hate.

"Our living arrangement."

His face pales and his hands immediately go to his hair.

"Christian, it is nothing bad. Jesus, why do you always think the worst of things?" Just in that exact same moment his phone rings a-freaking-gain.

"I'm sorry, Ana, but this is…Ros and I need to take this."

"I understand…I'll meet you in Escala this evening, okay?"

He nods, clearly distracted by his phone, and kisses me goodbye.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" I just stepped out of my car after doing some much needed grocery shopping and I see Christian walking towards me with a goofy grin on his face.

"And how did you know I was here? We were supposed to meet at your apartment."

"Our apartment." He says leaning down to kiss me.

"I was able to wrap up some meetings earlier and I decided to surprise my girl. And I knew you were here because I called Sawyer." With still that silly smile he leans down and swiftly kisses my lips again and takes my camera bags from my car.

"Well your girl could get used to surprises like this." He winks at me and he looks totally pleased with himself.

"We can cook together. But let's cook in your apartment I only came here to get my stuff" I say as we climb up the stairs to my apartment. "I bought all the ingredients to make Pasta alla Vongole."

"I don't know, babe. You are exceptionally bossy when we are cooking." As I try to open the door Christian leans into me and slowly starts kissing my neck.

"Are you saying that you can't handle the pressure, Mr. Grey?" I tease back and finally get the door open.

"Oh, Ana, I can handle every fucking pressure…" Backing me against the wall he closes the door and pushes his pelvis against my stomach. "But do you think _you_ can handle the pressure, Ms. Steele?"

I can't even answer because his hands are all over my body. Pulling my coat of me he throws it on the floor and his hands quickly start to unbutton my jeans. "I am going to fuck you against your front door, Ana." We both freeze when we hear someone clearing his throat. _Oh my god. I know that cough._

"Dad?" I shriek and push Christian away from me and hastily brush my hands over my hair.

"Annie, you forgot that I was coming today?" _Totally! I totally forgot! Oh Jesus._

"Uhm…no! Of course I didn't! I just wasn't aware of the time!" I say lamely looking at my watch.

My dad eyebrows rise slightly. He then smirks and hesitantly takes a step forward. "Can I get a hug from my daughter?"

Without even an ounce of hesitation I step forward and fall into my dad's arms. I have really missed him. And the feeling of his strong arms and his scent, a mix of wood and aftershave makes me feel safe.

"How did you get in?"

"Your neighbor opened the door for me. She told me you would be back any minute. I only waited ten minutes or so."

 _At least Mathilda could have warned me. Jesus._

 **Christian**

Christ! I was just seconds away from fucking Ana against that door! And now sitting across Ray Steele I have never felt more embarrassed and uncomfortable in my life. To say that there is tension would be a fucking understatement.

"Dad?" Ana says and cocks her head to the side.

Ray gives her a small smile and brushes his hands over his stubble.

"What did you decide on Russia?" He asks. Next to me I hear Ana's sharp intake of breath and I can feel her anger rising with every second.

"Dad, I don't think you came all the way over here to discuss my assignment on Russia." She shakes her head and brushes her hands over her jeans. "But to answer your question; I am going to Russia. I will be leaving in a month." She stubbornly raises her chin and squares her shoulders.

Ray's questioning eyes briefly dart to mine and then back to Ana. "So everything is taken care of I guess, visa…"

"Daddy, please. This isn't my first assignment abroad and it probably won't be my last." She adds the last comment in a whisper but I heard her.

There is a long uncomfortable silence where Ray just stares at his hands in his lap.

"A few days before Kate brought you home when you left Harvard I got a visit."

"A visit from whom?"

"Annie, you have to believe me that I acted like any father would have done because at that moment I really believed that she was telling the truth."

"What woman, dad."

"She surprised me Annie; she apparently knew a lot of thing about you two kids." He waves his finger at the two of us and sighs. "She showed me pictures and I believed her. So when you came home you didn't even have to tell me what happened because I already knew."

"Dad" Ana is getting more worked up with every single second and to be honest, so am I.

Rising from his seat he starts pacing Ana's small living room. Every now and then he stops and then he starts all over again.

"Dad, you are getting on my nerves. Please sit down."

Albeit a bit reluctantly he sits down and sighs. "It all made sense when I read the news about Elena Lincoln being arrested."

"Elena Lincoln came to Montesano to talk to you about Christian and me?" Ana chokes.

"She never told me her name back then but when I saw that blonde hair on that picture I knew it was her." Ray replies apologetically.

"And you never asked yourself if she was telling the truth?"

"She said she was best friends with Grace and Carrick and that she cared deeply about you. She told me that Christian was about to throw away his future by leaving Harvard. And remember she had photographs, Annie."

"That woman, dad…" Ana's voice breaks and she brings her hands to her eyes. "That woman never cared for me…she hates me. And I can't believe that you believed a stranger and never thought about asking me!" She yells.

"But this was all after I called you to ask for Ana's hand in marriage, right?"

"It was, son." I cringe at the word because five years ago he surely didn't want me as his son.

"Then why didn't you give us your blessing?"

"Because I was acting like a father. It had nothing to do with Elena Lincoln because at that time I didn't even know about her existence. But at the time when she handed me those photos, I was glad you guys had broken up." He says bluntly.

"Do you have any idea how much hurt you could've prevented, dad?"

"I know now, sweetheart. And I am sorry."

"Do you still have those photos?" Ana asks.

Ray nods and reaches inside the pocket of his coat and hands Ana a small white envelope. Shaking her head Ana pulls out a stack of photographs and just after watching a few of them she throws them on the table. "These are all fake! Jesus, dad! I can't believe you didn't see that!" Standing from the couch she throws her hands in the air.

"I am so angry at you!" Ana yells. "You are my dad! You should have come to me with those! You could have asked Christian!"

"I thought I was protecting you, Annie!"

Hesitantly I reach for the stack of photographs and I nearly have to laugh when I see how bad they were edited. _Christ._

"So what happens next time when someone shows up at your house and shows you pictures of Christian kissing another woman, dad? Are you going to believe them too? Are you going to think that you are protecting me? Or when the media prints a lie! Because that's what they do, dad. They make stories up! They don't check facts! They want readers and they don't care that they are hurting people."

"God I am really angry at you, dad! You knew how much I loved Christian and yet you didn't give him your blessing!"

"I should have handled that conversation completely different and I want to apologize for that." He turns to look at me briefly and then back to Ana.

"At the time I really thought you were too young and I wanted you to finish Harvard. I mean you were really excited when you got accepted and…"

"I was happy because it made you happy. I couldn't care less about Harvard, dad. They only good thing that it brought me was Christian."

"I know that now and I also know that Christian would have supported you no matter what. I was just an old man trying to take care of his little girl. I didn't want you to make the same mistake as your mother…"

"The same mistake as my mother? She fell in love, dad. I can't fucking believe that you are saying this!"

"Annie, when I met your mother and I saw you for that first time, that beautiful smile and those blue eyes I promised myself and your mother that I would protect you. Sweetheart, I only want to see you happy."

Ana nods her head faintly. "Okay, dad, you keep saying that you want me happy."

Ray nods.

"Well Christian makes me happy and we come as a package deal." I force my face to stay blank but I simply can't hold back the smile breaking through. _Package deal. I totally like the sound of that._

"Baby, is that your phone?"

"Yeah, I should take that. I have been trying to reach the editor for the Syria assignment and it might be him." Ray's brow furrows as he watches Ana digging through her purse.

"Syria?" He whispers.

"Yes, sir."

"You have got to be kidding me." He mutters looking at the ceiling. Ana disappears into the hallway and when we hear a door closing Ray shifts in his seat.

"Christian, son, I really want to apologize." I nod not really knowing what else to do.

"Maybe when you have kids of your own you'll understand why I didn't give you my blessing five years ago. As her dad I wanted Ana to have the best education but I guess that I was chasing my dream through her, because I couldn't be prouder at the woman she has become."

"I'm proud of her to, Mr. Steele."

"It's Ray, Christian." Leaning forward he extends his hand and I shake it.

"Make her happy, Christian."

"I am so embarrassed." Ana says when she enters the living room a few moments later.

"What happened?"

"He never send me that e-mail, Christian." She is still staring at the phone as if she can find the answer there.

"What do you mean?"

"He said he never send me the e-mail regarding the Syria assignment. That assignment doesn't even exist." Defeated she sits down and throws her phone on the table.

"It was Jack Hyde, Christian, I am positive. Remember when he wanted to meet with me about shooting a cover for one of his books and I kept turning him down?" I nod faintly because this is even worse than I thought.

"God, I just made a complete fool out of myself."

"What did he say?"

"That it was okay but he didn't sound very convincing." She looks at me tears threatening to fall.

"I quickly send him the e-mail I received and he was flabbergasted. He told me he was going to have his computer checked out since it was probably hacked." She sniffs.

Why doesn't he stop, Christian? What does he want from me? From us?"

"I don't know, baby. I really don't know."

"Annie, what the hell is going on?"

Ana explains the e-mail she received from Perry Baker, editor-in-chief from the Atlantic, the photos she received and the phone Elliot took by accident.

Ray's lips turn into a thin line and his eyes dart to me.

"You are keeping my girl safe aren't you, Christian?"

"I am…"

"And the police?"

I snort. "The police haven't done much at this point. They are trying to figure out those women on his phone but until know they haven't had any luck. My team is also working on it and Ana has protection following her."

The afternoon didn't exactly go as I planned but after talking some more I could see how happy Ana was that she was able to talk things out with her father.

* * *

"I can't believe we got kicked out of the movie theatre." Ana whispers.

I chuckle and pull her closer to me. "What did you expect, Ana? You were practically dry humping me…" She giggles and shifts her head and kisses my naked chest.

"It was a nice foreplay." _Hell yeah it was_. Because when we got home I got to fuck her against the door, without interruptions this time. I move and lean my head on my hand so that I can look at her.

"Kate send me a message." I groan and let my head fall back on my pillow.

"Fuck, Elliot send me a text too…they kissed and made up. Thank fuck for that."

"They were both miserable…" She shrugs and then her eyes widen. "Shit but that means that the wedding is still on and that we still have to deal with the bachelor parties."

"We can ask Mia…she would totally love it."

She smiles relieved and nods.

"But you wanted to talk to me about our living arrangement?"

She mimics my position and pulls the sheets to cover her breasts. I am inclined to push those sheets down but since I might actually need my brain for this conversation I refrain from doing so.

"I have been thinking about it and we have been living in my apartment for almost a week and a half and I know how much you've had to sacrifice…"

"I haven't sacrificed one fucking thing, Ana."

"Just let me finish" Cue the eye roll. "Living in my apartment isn't practical and you know it. Do you need me to go into detail?"

"I have been thinking about it to." I admit softly. Immediately her eyes widen and she starts fidgeting with the sheets.

"I understand if living together is not what you expected, Christian."

I snort and take her face in my hand forcing her to look at me. "Wasn't it you who told me not to always think the worst, Ana?"

She shrugs and tries to free her face but instead of letting her go I lie down and pull her onto my body. "Listen carefully, Ms. Steele. Living with you is wonderful and I don't want to go back living alone, ever."

"I love it too." She says shyly. "I mean it took me awhile to get used to your snoring…" She giggles.

"I do not snore!" _Do I?_

"No, you don't" Kissing my cheek she smiles. "So what have you been thinking about then, Mr. Grey."

"Don't freak out, okay? Keep an open mind."

She nods wearily and takes a deep breath. "Shoot, Grey."

"I need to show you." Reaching for my phone on the night stand I scroll through the pictures until I've found what I'm looking for.

"Look, what do you think?"

Her eyes dart nervously from me to the phone and then her teeth sink into her bottom lip.

"Ana?"

"This house is big." She says not taking her eyes from the photos.

"But do you like it…."

"No, I don't like it…I love it." She smiles.

"So this afternoon when we were talking at your car and I received that phone call?"

"Yes…" Her eyes turn into little slits and slowly she lowers her hand holding the phone.

"Well, it wasn't Ross, so I told you a little white lie…"

"Then who was it?"

"It was the real estate agent…"

"About my apartment complex."

"No, Anastasia. This house…" I say pointing to the phone. "Has been for sale for a while now. After I left Elliot I had a look at the house and even though it needs a lot of renovation I could see a lot of potential. I made another appointment to go see it tomorrow together and if you like it, it is yours."

Her eyes widen significantly and I really don't know what to make of it. Then she starts sniffling and starts looking through the pictures I made this afternoon.

"You bought this beautiful house with that beautiful meadow for us?" When she turns to look at me her eyes are filled with tears. Fuck I still haven't figured out the difference between happy and sad tears.

"Ana, don't cry. Fuck the house if you don't like it we'll live here in Escala…or we find something else."

The breath is knocked out of me when she jumps on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

"I love the house, Christian. Thank you."

"Ana, are those happy tears then…" She snorts-giggles and playfully slaps my shoulder.

"Totally happy tears." Leaning back so that she can look at me she cocks her head to the side.

"I love you and you make me happy, Christian and it has nothing to do with the fact that you just bought this house for us, but just because I know that everything you have been doing since we got back together means that you really love me and that you just want to make me happy."

"Taking care of you makes me happy, Ana."

Handing me back my phone she gives me a weird look and lies back down on my chest. She starts to draw little circles on my chest and to restlessly move her legs.

"Ana, what are you thinking about?"

Resolutely she throws the covers away, crawls out of bed, walks to the chest of drawers and rummages through it until she finds one of my t-shirts and pulls it on. _What the fuck?_

"I need to talk with you and it's serious."

"If it's the house, Ana…"

"It's not the house." She says silencing me with a firm shake of her head.

"I don't think I have been completely honest with you, Christian, and I need to rectify that."

My heart is hammering against my chest if feels as if it is going to explode at any given moment.

"This is the last time that we are going to talk about what happened five years ago. I said that I had forgiven you and that part is true but somehow even though I saw you grow, change and improve I…"

"Ana, for the love of fuck, you are scaring me to death!"

"If something is buried in the past, it should stay there. But I just keep going back and dig it up and I throw it in your face and that is mean and horrible and it isn't fair."

"It's okay, Ana, I forgive you…I understand."

"I know and I love you too and I …I just wanted you to know that what you said to me in the limo that was one of the sweetest things I've ever heard…"

"Ana, I already told you that I was going to give you space. I promise not to bring marriage up again. Not until you are ready." _Even if it kills me._

"Christian. I don't think you understand what I was doing to you…"

 _I apparently have no clue how the woman's brain works. Christ!_

"Tell me, Ana, because baby I am lost…"

"I was trying to hurt you…" Her big blue, watery eyes stare at me. "But not deliberately…" She adds quickly.

She bites her lips and fidgets with the hem of her t-shirt. "Shit, this sounded so much better in my head…" She mutters crunching up her nose.

Shyly she looks at me from under her lashes. "I really need to spell this out for you?"

"I'm a guy and it scientifically proven that men are sometimes slow?"

She nods understandingly and takes a deep breath.

"Well I still want to have long lazy Sunday mornings and I still want to go to the movies and make out…" She smiles again and an adorable blush spreads over her face.

"I am just saying that even when we are married we can have lazy Sunday mornings, right?"

 _Is she saying what I think she is saying?_

"You finally figured it out, huh?" She says cocking her head to one side.

"Are you for real, Ana?"

"For real, real…"

"Just to make this clear; you just told me that you are ready to marry me…not someday, but soon?"

"Someday soon…" She smiles shyly.

"Do you know how happy you just made me?"

"I think so…" She says lifting one shoulder.

"I am going to show you exactly how happy, but first I have the overwhelming desire to kiss you senseless…"

A few hours later after I repeatedly have shown Ana how happy she really made me, she is sleeping peacefully curled up against me and I think about our conversation. Anastasia Steele wants to marry me…she didn't at first because she was unintentionally trying to hurt me, but only because she was trying to protect herself.

First thing tomorrow morning I am going to make an appointment at Cartier to find her the perfect ring. And then I need to figure out when and where to propose. The last thing I think before I fall into a peaceful sleep is that it needs to be hearts and flowers.

* * *

 **Author's note: I want to point out to guest reviewers that I can't reply to your questions if you don't log in.**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing.**


	46. Chapter 46 - The Sleeping Beauty

**Chapter 46 – The sleeping beauty**

 **Anastasia**

"Christian Grey, I am not leaving this house until you tell me what happened with Emma's piano teacher." He looks uncomfortable his hand rubbing the back of his neck. I look at Emma who can't stop giggling, which by the way is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I bite my lip as not to laugh along with her, because I just know something happened. The piano teacher, Leonardo Cavelli, was literally running towards his car when I arrived to pick Christian up. And I think I even saw a few tears.

"Why do you think something happened?"

"I don't know, Christian, but that bat in your hand makes you a bit suspicious. Besides you are clenching your jaw, your face is red and that ugly, scary vein in your neck is pulsing." I point to my neck indicating the spot.

"Oh yeah the bat." He stares down at the bat in his hand and a furrow appears on his brow. In the meantime I feel my phone buzzing in my back pocket and without looking I know it is Kate who is probably having another Bridezilla-attack. Gosh how I wish the damn wedding was over and done with!

"Christian!"

"Oh the bat, well I can explain…"

"Did you hit him?"

He shrugs and gives me a lazy smirk. "Define hit…"

Pinching the bridge of my nose I count to ten. "Christian, Kate is arriving at my apartment in two hours. I still need to get home to get changed and so do you. Kate has been calling me nonstop this morning and so has your sister, so I would appreciate it if you would cooperate."

"There is no need to yell, baby. Like I said…he deserved it."

"What happened!" I scream stomping my foot on the floor.

"Taylor helped too!" Taylor who has been quietly standing in the corner of my mother's living room suddenly squares his shoulders and looks baffled at Christian's comment.

Taking deliberately slow steps I make my way to my too handsome boyfriend and stop right in front of him. Standing on my toes I bring my lips to his ear and whisper. "If you don't tell me in five fucking seconds what you did to that piano teacher that had him running out of the house with tears trickling down his cheeks, I swear that you will sleep the rest of the week on the ottoman."

"The ottoman, baby that thing is…uncomfortable…"

"Five, four, three, two…"

"Okay. Just keep an open mind. The fucker has the annoying habit to sway to the music while he swings a ruler in the air. I got an important phone call and decided to step out for a few minutes as not to disturb them. When I entered the room he wanted to hit Emma with the ruler against the palm of her hands. Apparently the son of a bitch wasn't happy about how Emma was playing a particular piece. And baby you can get as mad as you want, but no one hits Emma." He says gripping his hair.

"He did what?" I surely didn't understand that right?

Christian nods his head vigorously and when I look behind me Emma is nodding her head too. One look at Taylor confirms Christian's story. I am going to kill that guy.

"So you hit him hard?"

"First I yelled." Of course he did. "Then I told him to sit his scrawny ass down so that I could go in search of a weapon. By the way, do you know that your mom has a crazy amount of "weapons" lying around in the house? And I didn't even reach that scary room." He shudders but continues quickly when I cock my head to the side and start tapping my foot on the floor.

"Anyway, I found this baseball bat in the garage and I asked him to put his palms up..."

"And he actually went along with it?

"Nope, that's where Taylor came in. He held him down …" He says and rakes his fingers through his hair. "I didn't hit him, Ana, I threatened to hit him…oh I did grab him at the collar of his ruffled shirt and dragged him to the wall. He might have hit his head against the wall…I think that was the reason for the tears." He smiles smugly.

"And then?"

"Then I fired him and told him never to show his face here again and that I would make sure that he would never get a teaching position ever again." _Good…good…good._

Spinning on my heels I turn to look at Emma. "Are you okay, Emma?"

She nods her head and then shows me the palm of her hands. Making my way towards her I take her pudgy hands in mine and kiss them repeatedly. Even though he never hit her, the idea makes me sick to my stomach.

"Emma, has he ever hit you before? And I promise that you won't be in trouble, just tell us the truth." I look at her to see if she understands what I am saying and then she gives me a little shake of her head.

"So he never hit you, right?" I ask again just to be sure.

She shakes her head again.

"Christian and I are going to make sure to find you a better piano teacher. However if something like this ever happens again, you have to tell us immediately, okay?"

She gives me a little smile and nods again. "Okay and what Christian did is not okay either." I approve though, but I can't admit that to her.

"Where is my mom, Christian?"

"She is with the interior designer in Bob's office. She said it would only take fifteen minutes or so."

"Good, I am going to go find her and say goodbye we have a lot of things to do before the wedding tomorrow."

* * *

"Can you please explain it to me again why Kate is spending the night with you and I am forced to spend the night with my stupid brother?"

I shrug and look up from the overnight bag that I am packing. "Because the bride and groom aren't supposed to sleep together the night before the wedding. It's tradition, Christian." I say for the umpteenth time.

"I don't like traditions" He sulks like a four year old boy. My head snaps up and I narrow my eyes at him.

"That's rich coming from the guy who suggested to his brother to go with the old fashioned vows instead of writing his own."

"There is nothing wrong with those vows. Besides he was struggling to write his own and I just wanted to help." He says not meeting my eyes. _Yeah, right._

I snort and throw a pair of jeans into my bag and bring my hands to my hips. "Obey, Christian? Did you actually think that Kate was going to vow in front of God, family and friends to obey Elliot?" _Kate?_

"It would make my brother's life a lot easier." He replies casually dropping onto the bed and bracing his hands behind his neck. "Besides it wasn't only obey, it was to love, cherish and obey."

"Christian vows should be personal and reflect the unique relationship you have with your partner. No one can describe those feelings better."

Rising from our bed he sighs and casually walks to the desk of drawers. Leaning against it he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"So the chance of you saying the word obey in our wedding would be…"

"Nonexistent." I say cutting him off. "And before you decide to bring that up ever again, just remember what you caused between Kate and your brother." Kate and Elliot had an epic fight last week just a few days before the bachelor party and it was all Christian's fault. It resulted in Kate staying here for two days, crying her eyes out, drinking tequila and eating ice cream. That until Elliot apologized for being a dumb ass.

"Hey, what's this?" He pulls a paper pad from one of the drawers and cranes his head.

"Give me that!" Holding the paper over his head he looks at me and I see the corners of his mouth twitching.

"You never shared your drawing with me, Anastasia." He says mockingly.

"Christian, give that back!"

"Wasn't this supposed to be a naked guy? Where the fuck is his dick, Ana? And what's this?"

"That is his leg!" I say ripping the paper from his hand. _I mean it's obvious that it is his leg, right?_

"Really?" Christian grins.

"Look, Christian, I am a photographer for a reason, but you don't have to be so mean about it and as for his…penis…there wasn't much of a penis to begin with." Looking down at my drawing I let out a pitiful sigh. My drawing was definitely the worst of the group.

Christian is laughing now holding his stomach and pointing at the paper in my hand. "And that to think that I wanted to forbid you to go."

I fight back a smile when I look at my drawing one more time. Mia arranged the perfect activity for Kate's bachelorette party. It was called 'Shades of Art', a perfect mix of classy and cheeky, as Mia so eloquently said. The intention was to draw a naked model while sipping champagne. However when the model appeared and stood in front of us we couldn't stop laughing and giggling. Because even though I have seen plenty of naked guys while working as a photographer, it seems that sitting with a group of woman and drinking champagne, made the full frontal nudity, where nothing was left to the imagination, a little awkward.

The host, who even though she did an amazing job, gave us a lot of icy glares because we couldn't stop laughing and giggling. _What the hell did she expect anyway?_

Carelessly I throw the drawing on the floor, walk towards Christian and wrap my arms around his waist

"When do I see you again?" He sighs brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Tomorrow at the wedding." I feel him nodding and then he kisses the top of my head.

"I don't like it."

"I know, you've said it a thousand times already, Christian. It is just for one night."

"And Mia will be there too, right?"

"Yes first Kate and I are going out for dinner and Mia is joining us later at my apartment to do girly things. And yes, Sawyer will be there too." I kiss his chest and give him a big smile.

"Girly things?" He says crunching his nose.

I shrug. "Painting our nails, gossiping, dancing, and listening to music." _Drink tequila, wine and eat a lot of ice cream._

"No funny things, Ms. Steele, because as you know I will always find out." Not that we are planning in doing anything funny, but it is nice to tease him every once in a while.

As seductively as possible and slowly slide my hands from his chest to his neck.

"I don't think I thanked your for taking care of Emma's piano teacher." Christian's lips start twitching and he slowly cocks his head to the side and pulls me against his body. "I know what you're doing, Anastasia."

"Do you know?" I whisper coyly. I feel myself blush and lower myself until I am sitting on my knees in front of Christian. However before I am able to unbuckle his belt he pulls me up and throws me on our bed.

"Christian!" I yelp.

"Do you really think that I would be so easily distracted, Ana?" He is lying on top of me and pulls my arms over my head and entwines his fingers with mine.

 _Usually it works_ "No, of course not…" I giggle.

"I want to know what you are going to do with the girls…" He says whispering in my ear.

I bite my lip, contemplating if I should tell him a tiny little lie. "Don't even go there, Ana. I can see right through you. Tell me what your plans are…"

"I was just teasing you. We are going to hang out and probably eat ice cream and share a bottle of tequila."

"So there won't be any guys?"

"There won't be any guys; it is just going to be Kate, Mia and me. Because you do trust me, right Christian?"

"You know I do, Ana…"

"And that's all there is to it…at the end of the day the only man I want is you. Because I love you. Even if the waiters at the Mile High Club would be naked I couldn't care less" I move my hand in his and he immediately releases it. "Shit sorry, baby, did I hurt you?"

"No, but it still feels a bit weird without the cast."

"I'm sorry I couldn't go with you."

"You had promised Emma you would be there for her piano lesson and besides my dad went with me. I was well taken care of."

He nods and buries his head in the crook of my neck with a sigh. "I wish we wouldn't have to go." He mutters. "I want to spend all my free time with you…In three days you are leaving for Russia…" I sigh and wrap my arms around his waist and hug him closer. Every time someone mentions my trip to Russia nerves settle in my stomach.

"Those two and a half weeks I am gone will be over before you know it."

"I know." He moves sliding down from my body and faces me.

"Are you looking forward in spending this evening with your brother?" I brush my finger over his lips and he shrugs.

"I just don't see the point of this stupid tradition, Ana."

"It is sweet, though..." I say. "Just imagine that the next time they'll see each other is when Kate is walking down the aisle." He nods but doesn't seem convinced.

"Can I ask you something, Ana?"

"Anything."

"When we get married…" He searches my eyes for my reaction because ever since I told him that I wanted to marry him we never talked about it anymore.

"Yes, finish your sentence please…"

He takes a deep breath and starts fingering my hair. "When we get married, do you want a wedding like Kate's and Elliot's?" _Oh god no!_

"You mean with 300 guests, cocktail hour, speeches and all those other horrible things? No!"

"Then what do you want? If you think of our wedding what is your wish?"

"Intimate setting with our family and closest friends."

"So you don't want to select a color scheme to match the bridesmaid's dresses, flowers, invitations, photographer or a cake?"

"Well I want a cake of course and I honestly don't care what the bridesmaids wear and I also would like a photographer…" _And a dress. I want a beautiful dress._

"But you don't want to be bothered by it?" He asks with a smile.

"I guess…" I shrug and force myself to look at him. "As long as you are there, I really don't care about the details."

"I solemnly vow to be there." He says earnestly.

"But what is it that you want, Christian?"

"I just want to make you happy, Ana. I don't care where I get married or the colors or the cake…I just need you there. For all I care we fly up to Vegas and we could get married tomorrow." His eyes shine wickedly when I crunch my nose.

"Uhm, no thank you, no Vegas."

We fall into a comfortable silence both not wanting to break it. My phone is buzzing and so is Christian's and we both look at each other and roll our eyes.

"I think that's our cue to get moving…" I say rising from the very comfortable bed.

* * *

"Your brother is an ass!" Mia stomps into my living room and points at Kate who doesn't seem the least bit affected by Mia's outburst.

"What did he do?" Kate asks calmly.

Angrily she throws a bunch of bags on the floor. "It is more like what he didn't do!" She throws her hands in the air and before slumping down on the couch she pulls the bowl filled with chips from Kate's hands and stuffs a handful in her mouth.

"Okay." Kate takes a deep breath. "What didn't he do, Mia?"

"We have been seeing each other for a month now and he even came to visit me in Paris." Her bottom lips starts trembling and I fear an epic meltdown but she surprises me by clenching her jaw and taking a long sip of wine, straight from the bottle.

"Paris was perfect." She whispers. "He was sweet and attentive and it was just perfectly romantic…" She looks down at the bowl of chips in her hands and dramatically blows her hair from her face.

"And today we had the most perfect day…and I told him I loved him…and…"

"He panicked." Kate finishes for her. "Oh Mia." Kate rises from the floor and sits down next to Mia wrapping her arms around her shoulder.

"I am not going to defend my brother but I am going to try to explain where his fear comes from, okay? Because I know for a fact that Ethan is crazy about you. He can't stop talking about you, Mia. But you know when my dad cheated on my mom…" Kate sighs and pulls the bottle of wine from Mia's hand and takes a sip. "We don't trust easily, Mia."

"But I would never hurt him. I would never cheat; I am not a cheater, Kate." Angrily Mia wipes the tears from her cheeks and sniffs.

"I know you would never hurt him and deep down he knows it too, but he is too scared to admit it. Has Ethan told you about Joyce?"

"Not really. I saw a picture and I asked who the twit with the pigtails was. He got mad and he only told me that she was an ex-girlfriend."

"That is exactly what she is an ex-girlfriend and she cheated on him with his best friend. They were seeing each other for three years and one day Ethan came back from college and found the two of them…well you know."

"That doesn't mean that I would do the same." Mia answers stubbornly.

"I know. He is probably beating himself up over this. Do you want me to call him?"

"No! I never want to see him again! Because you know what he said? After I told him that I loved him…he…the asshole just stood there looking at me like an idiot and he said the most famous words Mia, it's not you…it's me..." Determined Mia pulls the bottle of wine from Kate and takes another healthy swig.

"Then what do you want to do?" I give her an empty glass and gently take the bottle of wine from her hands.

"I want to get drunk and I want to dance and act stupid!"

"You can pick the song." Kate sing-songs.

Ten minutes later we are all three dressed in our matching pajama's and the song "I don't need a man" from the Pussycat Dolls reverberates through my small living room.

It is fun as we dance song after song, like idiots in the living room and share a new bottle of wine. That until there is a knock on the door.

While Kate turns down the sound of the music I walk to the door. Sawyer is looking amused and behind him is a very nervous and disheveled Ethan.

"Mr. Kavanagh is here to see Ms. Grey."

"Thank you, Sawyer."

"Good luck, man." Sawyer mutters before giving us some privacy.

"You know, Ethan…" I pinch the bridge of my nose. "You are lucky that I know that you are actually a good guy and that you would never hurt Mia intentionally, but I swear that if you fuck up…"

"I love her…" He says with a strangled voice and wide eyes. _Clueless, absolutely clueless._ "Don't tell me, tell her… and you only have thirty minutes, Ethan."

Kissing my cheek he flashes me a toothy smile and wanders into the living room.

* * *

"They are awfully quiet" I say glancing towards the hallway where Mia and Ethan disappeared through twenty minutes ago.

Kate shrugs. "Ethan isn't a yeller and Mia is probably killing him with her stare." We both giggle and lay back down on the rug and stare at the ceiling.

"Are you nervous, Kate?"

"For tomorrow you, mean?" She moves her head to look at me and I nod.

"Surprisingly I am not. I am excited and I can't wait to marry Elliot and start our new life."

"I'm happy for you, Kate."

* * *

"Kate, you look beautiful and absolutely perfect." Her mom is standing in front of Kate adjusting her veil. And Mrs. Kavanagh is right, Kate looks stunning.

"Mom, you are going to make me cry…and then…the make-up…" Looking behind me one more time I decide to step out of the room to give mother and daughter some privacy.

The moment I step out of the room I feel a hand on my arm and I am being dragged through the hallway until we have reached Christian's old bedroom. Everything happens so fast that before I know it I am pinned against the wall and Christian's lips are one mine.

When he ends the kiss he leans his forehead against mine and sighs. "Missed me?" I whisper.

"You have no fucking idea, Ana." After leaving a lingering kiss on my forehead he takes a step backwards and looks at me. "You look beautiful…your hair, I love it. You are perfect, Ana."

"You look very handsome yourself, Christian." The man surely can wear a tux.

"Is Kate ready?"

"She was with her mom, so I gave her some privacy. How's Elliot doing?"

"He is constantly making jokes; pacing the room and then when my mom brought him a cup of coffee he spilled it over his shirt."

"Oh crap"

"Yeah, well you should have seen my mom…"

"And now?"

"Now my idiot brother is getting married with a stain on his shirt. But it is covered by his jacket"

"I should be going back…"

"I have something …" He reaches into his pocket and for a split second it crosses my mind that he might propose. And I have no clue about my face but Christian smiles and kisses my nose and smirks.

"Ana, Elliot gave me this, it is for Kate."

"Oh of course" I swallow and look at the rectangular box in his hands.

"You thought I was going to propose?" He says cocking his head to the side.

I shake my head and take the small box from him and fidget with it in my hands. "I wasn't…I mean…"

"Right" His eyes are shining with amusement as he brushes his finger over my jaw to my neck.

I clear my throat. "I should be going back." I say pointing towards the door. "We are still doing the speech together right?"

He nods and takes a deep breath. "Meet me later in the boathouse?" Suddenly he seems to look nervous but it is gone before I know it.

"You want to show me something in the boathouse? But you already showed me your rowing trophies…" I smile.

He smiles shyly and shrugs. "There is something else I need to show you. I'll see you at the altar, beautiful." With a last kiss he slides out of the door leaving me confused.

 **Christian**

Looking around the table I notice that everyone has received a drink. It is time for our speech.

"Ready?" I whisper in her ear.

"I will never be ready to talk in front so many people, but I don't think I have a choice." She says with wide eyes and a trembling voice.

"I've got you, baby. Let's do this."

Linking my hand with Ana's we both rise from our seats and walk to the microphone. With a slight nod of my head I signal the DJ and the introduction song I chose for our speech starts playing. Crazy by Britney Spears.

Elliot's who is talking to my grandfather and has his arm lazily wrapped over his wife's shoulders turns his head as soon as he hears the song. I give him an evil smirk and clear my throat.

"Thank you all for coming today. For those who don't know us." I look down at Ana who is squeezing my hand to the point of painful. "This woman next to me is Anastasia Steele, Kate's best friend and I am Christian, Elliot's younger brother.

"For those who are wondering why this introduction song? Well, Elliot was a huge fan of Britney Spears."

"Elliot and I have been brothers now for about 22 years. And in the course of those 22 years, I have seen Elliot go from an annoying and loud kid to the slightly less annoying but still loud guy you see today. One of my earliest memories of Elliot was him telling jokes that made absolutely no sense and for your information, Elliot's jokes today don't make any sense either."

I squeeze Ana's hand and hand her the microphone.

"The first time I met Kate was when I accidentally bumped into her because of my clumsiness. Multitasking apparently isn't one of my fortes, so when I was walking down the hall, carrying my books and texting on my phone, I bumped into Kate who was holding a cappuccino. Her beautiful white button down was ruined. I apologized and offered to buy her a new coffee and to have her shirt cleaned. And that is how our friendship started. However, I never thought that I would be standing here so many years later watching the woman most like a sister to me marry the man of her dreams."

Ana gives me back the microphone with shaking hands and smiles relieved.

"Elliot, I promise not to embarrass you, well not much anyway…" I glance briefly towards my mother who raises her eyebrow. "The speech has been approved by mom, so you can breathe easily now."

"Ana and I thought it would be fun to go down memory lane. One of the most memorable recollections I have of you is when we went camping with dad and Pops. Ladies and gentleman on that sunny day Elliot Grey discovered his first armpit hair. He was so proud, but really he was exceptionally proud that he circled it with a marker. He couldn't stop talking about it." The guest all erupt in laughter. "And for those who don't believe me, my grandfather has the picture to prove it." Ana is giggling and Elliot is shaking his head in embarrassment.

Ana takes the microphone from me and looks at Kate with a small smile.

"When you have been so close to someone for this long, you gather a lot of juicy secrets and hilariously embarrassing stories." Ana pauses a few seconds and we both see Kate shaking her head.

"However…" Ana says "I will spare you from those stories. First, because it would take me days to tell them all and second, because I respect Kate too much to embarrass her on what is supposed to be one of the best days of her life. But…" Ana says holding her finger in the air and looking around the crowd. "The day is still young and if you happen to catch me, the embarrassing stories are fair game."

"I will never forget the look on my brother's face when he told me he had found 'the one' and even though I couldn't believe it, because let's face it, we all know about Elliot's proclivities before Kate, I saw it on his face. For the first time in his life my brother was in love."

"Kate…" Ana starts and smiles. "Throughout the years we have had our ups and downs but we always find our way back to each other. Because let's face it, there is nothing that a bottle of tequila and ice cream won't fix. Since the day we met we have been at each other's sides, and I can't tell you how proud and honored I am to be by your side today as you start this amazing adventure in your life with Elliot. I won't go on to much about how you met Elliot, mostly because I wasn't actually there, but I may as well been. Even though I knew Elliot you couldn't stop talking about him every time we spoke on Skype. The first time I saw them together I knew that Elliot was also head over heels in love with his Katie and that he would always do his best to take care of her." Ana takes a deep breath and gives me a shaky smile when she hands me back the microphone.

"Katherine…" I smile when I see Kate shaking her head at me. "You look beautiful today and you make my brother happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Katherine, welcome to the family." Kate is wiping away the tears from her face as is Ana next to me.

"Elliot, you are one of the best guys I know and my best friend. "Elliot, big brother. As we are here today celebrating this amazing day, I want to let you know that I am proud of you and having you as my big brother." I clear my throat and swallow. Looking at my brother I see him pinching the bridge of his nose and Kate is kissing his head.

"Elliot you are one of the best guys I know and my best friend." I watch Elliot slowly lifting his head to look at me.

When Ana takes the microphone she takes a deep breath and stares at my brother and Kate.

"Elliot I am happy to pass on and share the role of being Kate's best friend. I see how happy you make her and how much she loves you. I also know that you would never hurt her or let anything happen to her. I can't think of a better man for my best friend. Kate, I wish you the best with your new adventure. Elliot, you are a very lucky man. I have had a lot of years of putting up with her quirks, her moodiness and her inability to cook. It is your turn now. Just remember she doesn't like breakfast in bed, she hates crumbs."

"If everyone would raise their glass now and join us in congratulating the beautiful bride and handsome groom. Congratulations. We love you both. To Kate and Elliot forever."

As we raise our glasses I can't really explain the expression on my brother's face but he clumsily rises from his seat and strides in my direction and embraces me tightly.

"You little shit, I love you too." He mutters in my ear.

"Yeah, I love you too, dickhead."

* * *

"Are you sure that they won't miss us?" Ana looks back at the house where the wedding is at full swing and then back up at me.

"I don't really care, Ana. I just want a few moments alone with my girl. Besides Kate and Elliot already left." She rubs her arms and I notice the goose bumps.

"Are you cold?"

She shrugs. "And maybe a little tired. It has been a long day and we didn't get much sleep. Before I knew it Sawyer was pounding at my door to take us to your parents for breakfast."

Shrugging off my jacket I place it over her shoulders and wrap my arm around her waist.

"Thank you" She whispers. Placing her hand over her mouth she yawns.

"Tired?"

"It was a very long day…so yeah, I am beat and my feet are killing me." She admits.

"I'll take you home in a bit, okay?"

The closer we get to the boathouse the more nervous I get. This might not be the most ideal time to propose, but I need Ana as my fiancé before she leaves for Russia. By proposing I am not only showing her how much I love her and how desperately I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with her, but also to show her my support. No matter how difficult her traveling to Russia is for me, I want her to know that I understand and that I will be right here waiting for her for when she returns.

"Hey, the lights are one." Ana says slowing her pace. "And is that music I hear?"

I shrug and tug her along with me.

This last month has been perfect. Like absolutely fucking perfect. We are finding our way back to each other without the drama, the fights and without dragging up the past. Ana fell in love with the house when I showed her the pictures, but when we went to see the house the next day she was speechless. We contracted Elliot to start with the renovations and we even hired an interior designer who is helping us coordinating this project. But first Russia. Her bags are packed, she even checked her equipment a thousand times. She is ready to go. Me, not so much.

With my back turned towards Ana I clasp the door handle in my hand and close my eyes. This is it.

I can't really determine what Ana is thinking the moment we step into the boathouse. She is tightly holding on to my hand and looking around her. I asked Taylor to fill the house with different kinds of flowers and tiny lights to create a romantic atmosphere. It worked perfectly.

 _I found a love for me  
Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead  
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet  
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me  
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love  
Not knowing what it was  
I will not give you up this time  
But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own  
And in your eyes you're holding mine_

"Biting her lip she looks up at me."

"What is the song? I don't recognize it."

"Ed Sheeran. The song is called Perfect."

She nods once her eyes taking everything in. "It's lovely…Christian but what…?"

"Just dance with me and listen to the song…when I heard it the first time I felt like it was written for us."

"It's perfect" She whispers against my chest the moment the song finishes.

"Come let's sit for a moment." Taking her hand in mine I guide her towards the sofa. Immediately her hands go to her feet and after struggling with the straps of her shoes she sighs relieved when she pulls them off.

She stretches her legs and wiggles her toes. "God, I hate heels. They are torturous instruments"

"Lie down for a bit…" She immediately does what I asked her and places her feet on my lap. The words that I have practiced repeatedly this past week wander through my head while I massage her small feet.

 _You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same. Marry me._

 _The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting you. When I first looked in those blue eyes I knew we belonged together. You took my breath away and the fact that you love me despite all of my mistakes and weaknesses is the best thing._

Get a fucking grip, Grey! Just ask her! Lifting her foot to my lips I give her big toe a tiny peck and slowly place it back on my lap. My eyes follow her legs to her stomach where her hands are clasped together. Slowly I lift my eyes to her face. She has fallen asleep.

"Ana…" I say gently squeezing her foot.

"Hmmm…"

"Ana, baby, wake up…"

"Take me home, Christian." She pulls herself up and straddles my lap. With her head buried in the crook of my neck and her arms loosely wrapped around my neck I hear her soft snore.

I smile against her cheek and kiss her. "Marry me, Anastasia" I whisper in her ear.

Still asleep she sighs softly and kisses my cheek. "Love…you…Christian."

* * *

 **Author's note: The song that was playing in the boathouse is a new song from Ed Sheeran. There wasn't a pin to put on my board, but if you have the time, go to YouTube and listen to it. It is absolutely amazing and it fits Ana's and Christian's relationship in this story.**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing.**


	47. Chapter 47 - Carpe Diem

**Chapter 47 – Carpe Diem**

 **Christian**

"Elliot?" I whisper and carefully detangle myself from Ana.

"So, did you pop the question?"

"Elliot…" I close the door behind me and quickly make my way down the stairs. "Do you have any idea how early it is? And shouldn't you be honeymooning with your wife?"

He snorts. "I just fucked her into a coma and well my dick needs a rest…"

"Great, thanks for the information, dickhead."

"Anytime" He sniggers. "But, answer the fucking question, shit face, did you or didn't you pop the question?"

Reaching the kitchen I open the refrigerator and grab the orange juice. "I did…but she fell asleep and there was no fucking way to wake her."

I hear coughing on the other side and I pull my phone from my ear and roll my eyes. _I hope he chokes._ I hear a door opening and closing and then he starts to laugh, and he doesn't hold back.

"So let me get this straight…" He says wheezing dramatically. "You had everything in place; music, flowers and the ring…"

"Hmm, hmm," I hum.

"And you popped the question and she fell asleep?"

"Don't be so fucking obtuse, asshole…."

"You are losing your touch, little brother…" He goats.

"She was tired…and we danced and well I was searching for the right words, anyway by the time I had gathered my wits…she was lying on the couch and she just fell asleep. I asked her, but she was out like a light… and when she woke up the next morning she didn't bring it up, so I just guessed that she didn't hear or maybe she did hear it but didn't want to hurt my feelings."

There is a long silence and I actually have to look at my phone to check if I haven't lost him. "You are the biggest idiot walking this planet, little bro." _Nope he is still there._

"From what Katie told me they barely slept that night. They stayed up talking and drinking…"

"Ana mentioned that." I say and walk to the window.

"Ask her, Christian. She is leaving today, right?" I clear my throat and force the tension building in my stomach to settle down. "Yes, she is leaving in a few hours."

"Then do it, man…"

"You don't understand…" I say and feel my temper rising. "I need it to be perfect, I …"

"Fuck perfect, Christian. Ana doesn't give a shit about perfect." He is silent for a moment and then continues with a quiet voice. "Pops once told me not to wait for the perfect moment, but to take the moment and make it perfect."

"I don't know, Elliot…"

"You know what they say, Christian. Seize the day! For once in your life, Christian, don't think about what can happen tomorrow or next month. Just focus on these few hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be. Carpe the shit out of this Diem! Laters, man."

There is a soft click and slowly I lower my phone and drop it on the couch.

Carpe diem? Why the hell not! Like my brother said; I am going to carpe the shit out of this Diem.

Back in the bedroom, one glance at the clock alerts me that we have one hour before we will have to get ready to drive Ana to the airport. Fuck! Russia, my girlfriend is leaving for fucking Russia. Communist Russia where persons visiting remain vulnerable by local terrorist organizations. Russia where bombings occur at airports and hotels. Russia, where crimes against tourists take place at popular tourist sites and on public transportation. Russia, where the police can detain you without explanation. Her U.S. passport will not protect her from arrest or prosecution.

I shake my head and take a deep breath. She is protected, she is safe. In Russia she is travelling with two others who have been vetted extensively. No red flags whatsoever. Besides this is not her first time to travel abroad.

Leaning my head on my hand I look at her sleeping form and try to absorb every little detail on her face. Her long eyelashes, her tiny, yet perfect nose, her lips and those fucking cute freckles on her nose.

Not being able to control myself anymore I lean down and brush my lips against hers. With her eyes still closed she smiles and slowly her eyes flutter open. First there is contentment and then realization strikes in. She lowers her eyes and moves closer to me until her head is buried against my chest. Seconds later she lifts her head and the way she is looking at me feels as if she is trying to remember everything about this moment too.

"Make love to me, Christian."

Wanting to remember everything I run my hand over her arm, up her chest and brush my thumbs over her nipples that are covered by a thin top. Ana closes her eyes and pulls my head towards her. She brushes her tongue against my lips and moans softly.

Her hands start sliding down my back, her lips along my throat. "I love you so much, Christian, so much."

Sliding my fingers into her silky hair I kiss her ravenously and like a man possessed.

I turn her to her side and settle myself behind her. My hand slowly glides up her stomach and pull the thin top down and cover her breast with my hand.

Ana lifts her hand and pushes my head down to her mouth for a slow, deep kiss. Sliding my hand from her breast to her leg I lift it up shove my hips forward making my cock slide between her legs.

Ana moans in my mouth and breaks the kiss. She turns her face towards the pillow and pushes her hips back against mine.

Gripping myself at the base I drag the head of my cock through her wetness and slowly start rubbing against her clit. Her hand flies to my head where she grips my hair and yanks it forcefully. "Christian…"

I smile against her neck and leave a long lingering kiss. Then I line myself up and thrust hard inside her, until I am buried to the hilt.

We moan simultaneously and time stands still... _Fuck. So good. So fucking good._

Ana bows her back and her short breaths and her soft groans are driving me fucking crazy. I lift her leg and start sliding in and out. I start kissing her shoulder, licking her neck and I bury my face in her soft, silky hair and take in her scent. The sound of our breathing and the slapping skin fills the air while our bodies grow slick. And again time stand still as the pleasure starts to grow. Sex with Ana, the feeling of intimacy and comfort, is a feeling I've only ever known with her and something I will only ever share with her. Because she is the one I love.

"Christian…please, I am so close…" Letting go of her leg I bring my hand to her clit and start rubbing in slow, light circles.

Screaming my name she buries her head in the pillow when she comes, every muscle inside her contracting and squeezing my cock.

Slipping out of her I roll Ana on her back and the sight of her blue eyes makes me lose my breath. Then taking her beautiful face in my hands I thrust back into her making her gasp.

"Don't close your eyes, Ana. I need to see you eyes." I pant. "I want to memorize everything about this moment…"

Biting her bottom lips she nods and wraps her legs around my hips. I slow down my thrust to prolong this moment and remember every caress, every moan, every touch and every gesture.

My vision goes blurry when I come, the feeling so intense that all I can hear is the pounding of blood in my ears. My body goes slack against her and when we recover I roll onto my back and pull Ana in my arms.

"Good morning" She whispers. Fuck she is so fucking beautiful. Those blue eyes looking up at me. And I kiss her lips gently, simply because I love her so fucking much.

"Good morning, gorgeous." Curling against me she settles her head on my chest and we stay like this until the alarm goes off.

 **Anastasia**

I have never felt this way before leaving for an assignment. Never. I have always felt excited and eager to get on the plane and start my new adventure. But this time everything has changed.

Christian is driving. Both hands tightly clasped around the steering wheel, his lips set in a straight line. Every now and then his gaze flickers to mine and he gives me a small smile. What is he thinking?

"I am going to miss you." I say trying to break the heavy silence.

Slowly he turns his head and I notice the sadness in his eyes.

"I know and I am going to miss you too. Promise to be careful, Ana." His gaze slides back to the road and even though his face isn't as tense anymore, his knuckles are white from the force he is holding on to the steering wheel.

"I'll be careful, I promise and I will be back before you know it, Christian…"

"I know." He says and clears his throat.

Letting out a breath I lean my head against the seat and close my eyes. After a few minutes I feel the car slowing down and I just know that we are reaching the airport and somehow even though this has been my decision I wish I wouldn't have to go. The unsettling feeling in my stomach is only growing and I know that they aren't just nerves. It actually feels as if something big is going to happen…something awful. Something out of our control and life altering.

"You didn't forget anything?" Christian asks softly.

"No, I don't think so. I have my equipment and that's the most important."

"Did you bring the sandwiches I made you?"

Leaning forward I pull my backpack up and smile. "They are in here with the drinks, fruit and the M&M's." Enough food, drinks and candy to feed a small army.

"Don't forget to save the green M&M's for me, okay?" He kisses the top of my head and he lingers there for a while.

"Are you sniffing me, Grey?"

"Fuck yeah…I need my Ana fix." Suddenly panic grows in me and everything feels so overwhelming. Christian's nearness, his scent, the sight of Christian's plane with the GEH logo.

"Don't cry, Ana…baby, please don't cry."

"I am so sorry but I can't help it…" I whisper burying my face in his neck. "I am so sorry, Christian."

"Listen to me, Ana…" Cradling my face in his hands he forces me to look at him and I almost look away when I see that his eyes are glistening with tears too.

"You said it yourself…it is only two and a half weeks…you will be back before you know it. And you are going to make a kick ass coverage of those Romanov's homes, you are going to be careful and you are going to call me every chance you get. I will be here in Seattle missing you like crazy but thinking of you every fucking second of every fucking day. After those two and a half weeks have passed I will be waiting here for you when you walk out of that plane and then I am taking you to a deserted island with no phones…just you and me. How does that sound?"

"Good…" I sniff.

"Good…" He replies back giving me a weak smile.

"Are you going to be careful too, Christian? Please stay with Taylor at all times because Hyde is still out there and I have this horrible feeling…"

"I am a big boy, Ana, and I probably won't be seeing the outside of my office anyway, so please don't worry about me but focus on your assignment, okay?" Hey says gently silencing me while he places his thumb on my lips.

I nod my head but suddenly there are a thousand things I want to say to him but so little time. Sighing Christian releases my face and looks at his watch.

"We shouldn't have come here alone; Christian…he is still out there…" I don't understand Christian's unwillingness in having Taylor following us. I understand the need for privacy, but I don't understand how he can be so careless.

"I wanted this to be about you and me and…just let me do the worrying, okay? Besides the airport is filled with security, Ana, there is no fucking way Hyde is here."

"Okay…" Actually it isn't okay, because I want to tell him how stupid it is, but I can't force the words out. I can't step onto that plane to Russia and be mad at Christian.

"It's time." Leaning closer he presses his lips against my forehead and brushes my cheek with his thumb.

I have no idea how I get out of the car and in front of the airplane and I have no idea what I'm saying to Christian while I have my arms wrapped around his neck. All I know is that suddenly I don't want to go anymore.

"Baby, you need to go, the plane needs to take off now." Tenderly he dries my tears with his handkerchief and peppers my face with little kisses.

"Bye, Christian. I love you."

"Bye, Ana…love you more." Pulling my backpack over my shoulder I look one more time at Christian and give him a little wave. I wish I could eternalize the way Christian is looking right now. A brave smile on his face and his hands shoved in his pockets.

I am about to climb the stairs when I hear him cursing. "Fuck it! Ana, wait!"

Dropping my backpack on the floor I run towards his open arms and immerse myself in his embrace.

"Ana…I needed this moment to be perfect…because here is not the place I imagined..." He curses under his breath and clenches his jaw. "I need to say this to you before you leave" He whispers against my neck. "I had this planned so differently, but you fell asleep and the moment was gone…" _What is he talking about?_

"I had everything under control." He smiles. "The flowers, the music…and then you fell asleep" He smiles shyly.

"I am not making any sense, I know." He rambles nervously. "The other day at Elliot's and Kate's wedding? Remember when I brought you to the boathouse? I proposed, but you fell asleep…" He smiles and peppers my face with little kisses. "Then I wanted to wait for the perfect moment, but then my brother said to carpe the shit out of the Diem." What the hell is he talking about? He proposed in the boathouse? And he talked to Elliot about it?

"Christian, I am so sorry, I didn't know…"

"Hush, it's okay, because I am seizing the day…But I really need to ask you something before you get on the plane or I am going to regret it for the rest of my life."

"Okay…" Slowly he places me back on the ground and stares at our hands.

"Did you know that when a male penguin falls in love with a female penguin that he searches the entire beach to find the perfect pebble to present to her. And when he finally finds it he waddles over to her and places the pebble right in front of her. It is kind of like a proposal…"

I shake my head. "I didn't know that…" He gives me his shy smile and brushes the tears from my cheek. "That perfect pebble is at home in my save, but there is still something I want to ask you." Then I watch with wide eyes as he drops down on one knee. _Oh my god…_

"Ana, I want nothing more than to spend our week nights eating Mexican food on the floor, I want nothing more than to sleep in on the weekends and not have to worry about anything. I want to live in our house together and paint the walls with you even if we would get more paint on us than on the walls. Ana, I want to hold hands with you forever and go to parties we end up ditching to drink wine straight out of the bottle in our bathtub. Ana, I want to slow dance with you even when there is no music playing, I want to go to the movies with you and sit in the back row and make out with you and when we go back home I want to make love to you in our unmade bed and love you forever. Marry me, Anastasia Rose Steele. Be my wife."

 _Yes! Yes! Yes!_ I am screaming in my head but it seems as if I can't get the words out. Dropping down on my knees in front of him I smile and laugh and kiss his face.

"Anastasia, you are fucking killing me here, baby… please tell me those are happy tears…"

"Yes! Yes! Those are happy tears! I would love to marry you!" He laughs and it sounds like music to my ears. Rising to his feet with me in his arms he starts spinning me around.

"Anastasia Steele you have made me the luckiest man in the world. Say it again…"

"Yes, Christian! I'll marry you! Oh my God, a thousand times yes!"

Placing me back on the floor he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. "While you are in Russia I am going to take care of everything. Don't make me wait a fucking year, Ana, to get married. Let me take care of everything. We have waited too long; lost too many fucking years…I want you to become Mrs. Grey as soon as possible."

"But my parents and…"

"Let me take care of them…please…"

"Okay…okay…"

"Hell yeah!" He cheers and pumps his fist in the air. Lifting me up again he starts to yell at the pilot and the flight attendant, who both are standing on top of the stairs, smiling.

"Did you hear that, Stephen! Natalia! She said yes!"

"Congratulations, Sir, Ms. Steele." The both say and head back inside.

I see movement over Christian's shoulder, and even though my sight is blurry from the tears I see someone running in our direction. Christian's brow furrows and then he turns around slowly.

"Christian, why is security running towards us?" I can feel the panic rising as the security guy, dressed in black and wearing a baseball cap, approaches us.

"Fuck, that is not…" Christian can't finish his sentence because his body jerks in a very unnatural way after he pushes me away from him. My body hits the floor and when I finally manage to scramble back to my feet and refocus on my surroundings I see the security guard, whose face is filled with rage and hate running towards me. _It's Jack Hyde._

I crawl to where Christian is lying on the cold, concrete floor and open his overcoat. I sob when I see a blood stain on his shoulder. When I look at his face it is contorted in a painful frown.

"Christian! Christian!"

"You fucking bitch!" He says grabbing my hair and pulling it back harshly. "I finally got that asshole boyfriend of yours out of the way…"

"Let me go! Let me go! Please he needs help…"

"He's dead…" He throws his head back and laughs. No! No! No! He can't be dead. He just proposed he is going to marry me. We still have so much we haven't done…no!

"What do you want?" I ask and try to pull myself out of his grip but he is too strong and it hurts too much.

"I want you, you stupid cock tease. You don't even remember me do you?"

"You are Jack Hyde…" I whisper. "You own a small publishing business…please let me go. I will do everything you say, but please let me get some help for him first…"

"Wrong!" He pulls at my hair again. "I was there in New York…while you were prancing around with your friends in those night clubs… I asked you to dance with me time after time but you refused without even looking at me. You dismissed me with a single shake of you head… Every fucking time…wasn't I good enough for you? You are a little cock tease you know? Dancing and singing surrounded by models…"

"I don't remember you…I am sorry…please, please let me go…"

"Never!" He growls in my ear and when he forces me to look at him I immediately recognize his eyes. "You were in New York…you were the one that bumped into me…" _He was Santa Clause._

He smiles falsely. "Too bad that fucking goon was there…" He rasps.

"Why? Why? Why?" I chant over and over again. I need to stall…that is what my dad always told me. Keep him talking.

"W-why did y-you hurt, Christian?"

"That asshole…" He sneers looking at Christian's body. "It was supposed to be me! I was the one who should have been adopted by the Grey's. Not him! He was a fucking dumbass mute! Whimpering and crying was all he did!"

"You know…no woman is worth all this shit but I mean look at you…I bet you are going to be a great fuck!"

"Just get the fuck over it!" I yell. "People get rejected every fucking day! What makes you think you are so special?" Anger flashes through his eyes as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"I always get what I want! You filthy bitch!" He laughs throwing his head back.

"I followed you in New York, I was there when that friend of yours died…I heard his bones cracking…I watched him taking his last breath…and then it was easy…you started going to clubs, rave parties even, and that gorilla friend of yours was no longer there to protect you. The reason why you woke up in the hospital as high as a kite was because of me…I made sure to put it in your drink, but again you were surrounded by those asshole friends and then your mommy and daddy came to take care of you" He yells.

"After a small change of plans, I followed you to Seattle…I was the one who broke into your studio. I was the one who hacked your computer and your phone. And everything was going according to plan until I saw you with Christian fucking Grey… the untouchable billionaire." He growls when he turns his face to look at Christian and then a malicious grin forms on his face. "Well not so untouchable anymore…" He yanks at my hair and forces me to look at him.

He takes a breath and when he looks at me I only see hate and contempt. "Tell me, little girl, what does he have that I don't?" I whimper when his hold on my hair tightens.

"Everything! He is everything you are not!" I growl back.

"Oh that's right, you are a gold digging whore aren't you?" Pulling me up by my hair our faces are only inches apart. The smell of his alcohol filled breath makes me want to gag but I refuse to look away.

"Now, you are going to stand up and be a nice little girl and walk with me…"

"No! I am not going with you…" I look at Christian who is lying there. He hasn't moved…he hasn't spoken…he needs help.

I hear a soft click and the next thing I see is his gun pointed at my head. "Walk into the plane. Now! You fucking bitch!" He growls.

"No! Never!" I scream back.

He roars and I feel the back of his hand connecting with my face. I stumble back, tripping over my backpack and fall backwards against the hard concrete. With the gun still pointed at my face he grabs my jacket and drags me towards the stairs of the plane.

"Get in the fucking plane! You fucking bitch!" I start kicking around me and I scream. Where the hell is everyone? Security? Isn't there supposed to be security in an airport? With everything I have in me I try to hold on to everything I can get my hands on. "Somebody help me!" I scream. Through the haze of my tears I see Christian's lifeless body and that is when I lose my strength. _I am so sorry, Christian. I am so sorry._

Faintly I hear the sound of the sirens and the sound of screeching tires driving up the tarmac.

"Police!"

Suddenly I feel his hold loosening and noise there is a lot of noise and yelling. There are footsteps approaching and then a deafening sound. A gun. Still holding myself on to the railing of the stairs I see Jack Hyde falling backwards. His head slamming against the metal staircase and then an eerie silence.

I crawl to where Christian is lying and check his pulse. There is a pulse. "Somebody call an ambulance!" I scream.

Gentle hands pull me backwards. "Ms. Steele, Ana…the ambulance is on the way…"

"Let me go…let me go…" I shrug out of his hold and take of my jacket. Carefully lifting Christian's head I use the jacket as pillow. When I find his hand it's cold and he doesn't respond to my hold. I squeeze and squeeze but he doesn't squeeze back. He always squeezes back. He loves it when we touch. I gasp and bring my hand to my mouth when I see blood coming out of his nose.

"No, no, no…Christian, don't you dare…open your eyes please, Christian, open those beautiful eyes…please…" I lean my head against his arm and cry.

"Ms. Steele…"

"Do not touch me, Taylor and give me your coat. Give me your coat. He is cold…he…can't be cold…" While I cover Christian with Taylor coat I brush his hair from his forehead and pray. With my hand is start wiping away the blood trickling from his nose.

The sound of the blaring sirens comes closer and closer until I see the ambulance stopping and the paramedics jumping out.

* * *

"Where the fuck were you, Taylor?" We lock eyes through the rearview mirror. My gaze constantly darting to the ambulance in front of us.

"If something happens to Christian, I will hold you responsible. No matter what he told you, you should have followed him…you should have been right here!"

"The moment Mr. Grey is awake I will immediately submit my resignation, Ms. Steele."

"That is, if he wakes, Taylor." I clench my jaw and turn my head to look out of the window and start praying again. My head is spinning and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I know that this isn't Taylor fault, because it is Christian's. He specifically told Taylor not to follow because he wanted privacy. But somehow I just can't help myself.

"Your job is to protect Christian from treats and stalkers, your job is to check out premises before he arrives, your fucking job is to identify and prevent potential threats or disruption…and you failed, Taylor! You fucking failed!" Angrily I wipe the tears of my face and angrily stomp the seat in front of me.

* * *

I have no idea of the time that has passed since they took Christian away. I only know someone called his parents. I only know that occasionally someone holds my hand. Every now and then I feel a handkerchief on my face, wiping away the tears. At some point Mia takes me to the bathroom where she forces me to wash my hands that are still covered with Christian's blood. And again I start praying.

"He is going to be all right, Ana…" She says gently. "He is strong and stubborn…" She sniffs.

"You don't know that, Mia." My voice sounds hollow and foreign.

"You have to believe it…" She urges holding on to my shoulders. "You have to be strong for my brother…he is going to need you." When her words register is just nod. She needs to hear this. She needs to believe that her brother is going to be okay…even though I don't believe it myself.

"Come one let's join the others." She says gently. With her arms wrapped around my waist we shuffle back to the waiting area. Grace is the only one sitting. Carrick is talking to Taylor in hushed tones and Sawyer is standing by the door.

Carrick turns to look at me and I have never seen him so sad before. Suddenly he looks ten years older than when I last saw him two days ago at Kate's and Elliot's wedding. Not knowing what to do I lean against the wall and close my eyes for a moment.

"Ana" I feel a hand softly touching my arm and when I open my eyes I am starting at Carrick's apologetic face.

"Come let's sit down for a moment." Gently he takes my elbow and guides me to a chair in the corner of the room. Squatting in front of me he gives me a sad smile and hesitantly takes my hands in his.

"Here" He says giving me a handkerchief. It only makes me cry harder since it reminds me of Christian. Is he ever going to give me one of his handkerchiefs again? I somehow can't push the image of Christian out of my head. His pale face lying on that cold ground, the pain stricken face, the blood, god there was so much blood. And then the blood coming out of his nose.

"He is strong, you know. My son is strong and he just got you back, so don't think he is going to slip out just like that…"

"If something happens to him, Carrick…"

"He has the best doctors, Ana. Look at me…" He says slightly raising his voice, cutting me off. I wish I hadn't because when I look in Carrick's eyes and see the tears building in his eyes and it almost breaks my heart.

"He. Is. Going. To. Be. All right." He says his words sounds so strong and convincing. But maybe he needs to hear it from me that Christian is going to be all right. Maybe he is trying to convince himself too.

"I know, Carrick, your son is going to be all right." My voice sounds hollow and not even convincing but he manages a small, relieved smile and exhales slowly. "Taylor is going to arrange some food and drinks, is there something else you need, Ana?"

"Can you ask him to contact National Geographic? I am due to start my assignment tomorrow but I am not going, I don't care what the repercussions are, I am not going. The contact information is on my phone and it was in my backpack. I think Taylor got it from the Tarmac."

* * *

The chapel is not exactly how I imagined it. It is cold and clinical. Instead of rows of benches there are single chairs facing a stained glass window. On my left side is a large floor to ceiling window that covers the entire left side and it is covered by a white curtain. Instead of an altar there is a small white statue of the Virgin Mary. Slowly I let myself sink down on one of the chairs and look at my hands in my lap. I feel like such a hypocrite. I never go to church, I never pray and somehow sitting here feels wrong. But then I remember Christian I straighten my shoulders, face the statue of the Virgin Mary and I pray.


	48. Chapter 48 - Come back to me

**Author's note: Please, keep in mind that I am not a doctor or nurse.**

 **Chapter 48 – Come back to me**

 **Anastasia**

In shock I stare at the doctor in front of us. My dad has his arm wrapped around my waist or I would probably collapse on the floor because even though I am not a doctor I know the moment the doctor walked up to us that there was something seriously wrong with Christian.

I try to focus on what the doctor is saying so I stare at his mouth.

"Dr. Trevelyan I am so sorry we have to meet under these circumstances…" _Focus, Ana…fucking focus._

But then he mentions the word head injury, fractured skull. I move closer to Grace, and slip my hand in hers. She will know what to do and ask. Grace, who is always calm and always in control. But then I see her chin trembling and a tear slowly trickling down her cheeks. I close my eyes tightly and feel my own tears and I can't stop them from falling.

"We just treated your son from a bullet graze wound. There is a lot of tissue damage but at this point we aren't concerned about his shoulder wound. He is a strong young man with an impeccable health."

He sighs and I don't like the look on his face or the way his shoulders are slumped.

"The impact against the ground caused a fracture in his skull…he is stable now and for now he only needs pain medication to control the pain. However, if there is anymore leakage from of cerebrospinal fluid from the nose and ears, surgery may be required."

"Surgery?" Grace gasps.

"Yes, Dr. Trevelyan a craniotomy"

"The risks?" Carrick says. _No! Stop asking questions!_

"Mr. Grey, head surgery can cause permanent disability, mental impairment…" No…no! I turn around in my dad's arms and bury my face in his chest.

"Annie, you have got to listen to me…" I shake my head no and bury my face in my hands. I don't want to listen anymore, I want to see Christian. I want to see with my own eyes that he is alive. I want to hold his hand. I just want to be with him.

"Will my brother recognize us when he wakes up?" Mia asks.

"We don't know at this point, we will have to wait until he wakes up." _Amnesia?_

"Can we see him?" Grace voice sound so different.

"You can see him, if you have any questions you can page me or ask one of the nurses…"

"Thank you, Brad," I hear Grace say.

"He is awake, then?" Carrick asks.

"I am sorry Mr. Grey, but your son received a serious blow to the head. His body needs time to recover and he will wake up as soon as he is ready."

"A nurse will be here shortly. Please there are only two visitors allowed at the time."

I feel my dad's arms tightening around me and his hand holding my head against his chest.

"He is going to be okay, Annie."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and when I unwrap myself from my dad's hold and turn around I am looking at Grace's tearstained face.

"Do you want to go in first, Ana?"

"You are his parents" I say looking at Grace and Carrick. "You go first"

"Grace can I ask you something?"

"Anything, dear" Lovingly she smiles at me and brushes a strand of hair out of my face.

"What is a craniotomy?"

"Ana, sweetheart…he might not even need that…"

"Please, Grace, I need to know…"

"That means that the surgeon will cut a hole in the skull and remove a bone flap, so that he can access the brain and can repair the damage…after the surgery the bone flap is replaced and secured to the skull with plates and screws."

"They cut a hole in his skull?"

"Oh my God" I whisper horrified. I feel sick, seriously sick. My legs start to tremble and my breathing is coming in short, rapid gasps. Someone guides me to one of the chairs and soft hands hold on to my shoulders.

"Deep breaths, Ana…Christian is going to be all right…" It is Grace who is talking to me but I can't seem to concentrate and listen to what she is saying. It feels like I am being held under water and there is no way for me to swim to the surface. My breathing is going very fast and I can't seem to stop it and I am starting to feel nauseous and dizzy.

"Ana, you have to stay calm and try to breathe through pursed lips…" I hear Grace through the haze and nod my head. I feel like an idiot trying to breathe like this but after a few moments I actually feel myself calming down. Someone pushes a glass of water in my trembling hands and after a few sips I feel my breath returning back to normal.

"Ana, you should go in with, Grace." Carrick says kindly. "I'll wait and I will go with Mia."

"Okay…" I whisper faintly. I look up at my dad. "Are you going to be here when I get back?"

"For as long as you need me, Annie." Clearing his throat he extends his hand and pulls me from the chair.

"I am going to step outside for a moment and call your mother"

* * *

If it weren't for Grace I would have probably never have entered Christian's room. Ryan and Reynolds are stationed outside his room and they immediately step aside when they see us approaching.

"Come one, Ana, it is going to be all right." Grace opens the door and enters. She is greeted by a nurse standing next to Christian's bed. The first thing I notice is the huge bandage covering his shoulder and then the paleness of his face. His normally messed up hair is now plastered against his head and I even see streaks of blood on one side of his face.

While Grace is silently speaking with the nurse, whose name is, Nora, I stay at the door. I am not really sure what to do and frankly, the sight of Christian looking so vulnerable scares me.

The conversation between Grace and the nurse seems to get a little heated until the nurse curtly nods her head and briskly walks out of the room without even giving me a second glance.

Taking a deep breath I take a few steps until I am gripping the bed rail. From up close he looks even worse, since he has a huge bruise on the right side of his head.

"Can I touch him?" I whisper.

Grace smiles kindly and nods her head. I walk around the bed and carefully brush my fingertips over his hand that is lying above the covers.

"Do you think he can hear us?" I say momentarily looking up.

"We are not sure, he might. Just talk to him, I think he would love to hear your voice and know you are here…"

"Where was Taylor when this happened, Ana?" Grace voice is sharp and she is using that mom-tone my mom uses whenever I mess up.

"He wasn't there." I whisper without looking at her. "Per Christian's instructions…they argued before we left to the Airport…"

Grace sharp intake of breath tells me that she isn't pleased. "Well, I am going to have a very long chat with my son when he wakes up." Her tone has softened and carefully she leans down and kisses Christian forehead.

"I am going to step out and get Carrick." She says taking a step back.

"Oh, yeah…um, I'll go with you…"

"Absolutely not, I already told the nurse and told her that you will be staying with him."

"But, Grace, you are his mother…I…"

"And you are the woman he loves and I know that he'd rather see you the moment he opens his eyes, then his mother."

"Grace, that's not true, he loves you...he is always talking about you and how you are the one who saved him. He even named his boat after you…"

Giving me a sad smile she cocks her head to one side and looks at me for a long time. "I may have saved him when he was that little boy, but you were the one who pulled him out of his shell and isolation. He smiled again…like really smiled. Ana, I remember vividly like it was yesterday when he told me about you. You were the first one who was able to touch him." Walking around the bed Grace comes to stand in front of me and pulls me against her chest.

"He shared everything with you, Ana, things he only just shared with us weeks ago…"

"But that was because he was scared…" I say quickly looking up at her. "He was afraid to lose you, Grace."

"I'm his mother and he is stuck with me, whether he likes it or not…" She sighs and looks down at Christian's sleeping form. "He has done some amazingly stupid things, but he is still my son. When you have children of your own, you'll know what I am talking about."

Her brow furrows and she carefully brushes my hair from my face. "Ana, what is that bruise?"

Quickly bringing my hand to my face I try to cover it. "Let me have a look at that…" She says and pulls my hand back.

"It's nothing, Grace…" I take a step back and take Christian's hand in mine. "It's just a bruise" I also have a very sore head from the hair pulling, the entire left side of my face feels like it is on fire and my body hurts all over. I don't tell her that, because I know Grace and she would have me lying under a scan within the next minutes. And I don't care if I am bruised and hurting and incredibly sure, I just don't want to leave Christian's side.

Her eyes turn into little slits and I immediately lower my eyes. "I will have a nurse bring you a painkiller. Is there something else you need to tell me, Ana? Do I need to get a doctor?"

"Please, Grace, there is nothing, just a few bruises but don't make me leave Christian."

* * *

During the course of the day people walk in and out. Christian's grandfather, who is standing on the other side of the bed with both hands clasped at his back, isn't pleased about the huge fuck up. The way he is looking at Christian, the grim set of his lips Looking down at Christian, he suddenly looks old and worn out.

"Why don't you step out for a few minutes, get something to drink?" He says cocking his head to the side. He smiles making his eyes crinkle at the corners.

I shake my head and tighten my hold on Christian's hand. "Mia already brought me something to drink." I hold up my water bottle.

"Have you eaten?" His eyes are boring into mine. Maybe that's where Christian gets it from.

"Mia also brought me a muffin…and I ate it…but I am not hungry" Even more so, the idea of food, makes me nauseous.

"A muffin is not food that's a snack, I will ask Taylor to bring you something from the cafeteria and I am going to sit here with you until you have finished your plate." I keep my eyes down and look at Christian, fighting the incredibly urge to roll them. However that would be highly disrespectful and Christian's grandfather doesn't deserve that attitude from me. Secondly I know he means well.

Lifting my eyes I simply give him a small smile. Hopefully he forgets to ask Taylor about the food.

"Carrick told me you already gave your statement to the police?" He says quietly.

"I did. It seems that Stephen, the pilot, called the police. They still don't know how Hyde was able to get passed the airport security but they found a security officer unconscious and gagged in a closet. At first it looked like a security guard was running towards us, but it was him." I close my eyes and try to push away the flashbacks. "He used a silencer…" The words get stuck in my throat and I swallow.

"They think he's had help, probably his assistant" I add. "Welch is now talking to the airport to release the security tapes. Everything will become clearer the moment they have access to that footage."

"Well I was pleased to hear that the fucker died in the ambulance due to his injuries." He gives me a tight smile and his eyes wander to his grandson.

"And Russia?"

"Not going"

"And how was that taken?"

"I haven't spoken to the editor-in-chief yet, I had Taylor cancel it for me, but I haven't heard anything back. I will probably have to pay them a cancellation fee and cover all the expenses like hotels, visa, sub-contractors…" I sigh and shrug. I have no idea how I am going to pay all of that, but at this point I don't really care. I'll figure it out as soon as Christian gets out of the hospital.

"Don't worry about that." He says briefly looking at me. "Focus on my grandson and yourself and we will sort everything out." He says determined. "I am sure that they will understand that you had to cancel because of unusual circumstances." I give Christian's grandfather a small smile and focus back on Christian.

We both jump up when the door opens and Elliot comes barging in. His blonde curls are all over the place and he looks worried and worn out.

"Elliot what are you doing here?" His blue eyes cut to mine and he sets his jaw into a tight line.

"This is my little brother, Ana. Do you honestly think that I would just stay on my honeymoon while my brother is fighting for his life?" He barks.

"Hey, cut it out!" Mr. Trevelyan says rising from his seat. "We are all scared and worried, Elliot, but there is no need for that attitude of yours." Lowering his head Elliot sighs and brushes his hands through his hair. When he looks back at me his eyes have softened.

"I'm sorry, Ana, but…" Turning his face away he pushes his thumbs into his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"It's okay, Elliot." Letting go of Christian's hand I walk to Elliot and wrap my hands around his neck. "I will give you some time with your little brother, okay?"

He nods, wraps his arms around my waist and buries his head in my neck. "Is he going to be all right, Ana?"

"Yeah, he is…" Detangling myself from his hold I take a step back and look at Christian's grandfather.

"Now how about that dinner you promised me?"

We have almost reached the door of Christian's room when Elliot's calls out. "Hey, Ana?"

"Yeah?"

"Did he Carpe the shit out of the Diem?" There is no grin, no smile, just sincerity and hope.

"He totally did…" I whisper.

"Well thank fuck for that."

* * *

Outside in the hallway Kate is sitting on one of the chairs talking to Mia. "Oh my God, Ana."

"Kate, I am so sorry …your honeymoon…"

"Shut up…do you honestly think that we were going to stay in Barbados while Christian is in the hospital? I might not agree with him most of the time but I do care about him." She adds softly.

"I know…"

"You don't look very well." She says gazing in my eyes. "Do you need anything? Just name it, Ana."

"I need Christian."

"And food" Christian's grandfather says giving me a playful wink. "Want to join us, Kate?"

"No, I am going to stay here and wait for Elliot." She says looking at the closed door. "I have never seen him so panicked before. When he got the call from Carrick he started frantically throwing our clothes into the suitcases while at the same time calling the airline trying to get us on the first plane back to Seattle."

"You know what?" I say looking back at the door. "Why don't you go and have something to eat, Kate, I will stay here and wait for Elliot."

* * *

"Ana, sweetheart." I feel my mother brushing the hairs out of my face softly. "You need to get out of this room, honey."

"No, I am not leaving this room until he wakes up." I don't even bother to lift my head from the bed as I answer my mom.

"Ana, you've heard what the doctor's said; it might take a while before he wakes up."

"I don't care if it takes him an entire year to wake up, but I am not leaving his side. Just leave me alone, mom."

She sighs and I close my eyes tightly and squeeze Christian's hand a little tighter. _Please wake up. Please, Christian…wake up._

"At least have something to eat. Christian's lovely housekeeper made your favorite meal, Ana…please sweetheart you have to eat something."

"I already had a sandwich." I mutter.

"That was this morning, Ana. It is way passed diner time now." _Just go away_! "Look she even made you some homemade cookies, they smell delicious."

Rising my head from Christian's bed I take a deep breath and stare into my mother's concerned face. "I don't want my favorite meal and I don't want those fucking cookies either. Please mom, leave me alone." Tears spring in her eyes and she sadly nods her head.

Her eyes dart to Christian's bedside table and I see her smiling. "You are saving the green M&M's for Christian?" I slowly look at the little bowl where I am keeping the green M&M's for when he wakes up. Just like I promised.

"Once upon of time you used to save them for me."

There is short knock on the door and Taylor walks in his eyes darting to Christian.

"I brought you the iPad as you requested, Ana."

"Thank you, Taylor." I say softly. Looking one more time at Christian he opens his mouth but I quickly look away. He just keeps standing there and frankly it irritates the hell out of me. It might have been Christian's decision about not wanting security, but I am still mad with Taylor and I am still holding him responsible, because I still believe that if Taylor would have been there, it wouldn't have come to this. And yes, Christian would have been angry but not hurt.

I ignore him and start fidgeting with the iPad, until I hear him clearing his throat. "Reynolds and Ryan have left for the night. Sawyer and I will me standing outside."

"Okay, thank you."

He looks at me one more time, nods his head and walks out of the room.

"Care to explain what that was all about?"

"No"

"Ana…"

"Mom please, I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think or feel. Can you please stay here with me for a little while and just be with me?"

"I would love nothing more."

* * *

The hours are passing by in a blur of nurses and doctors walking in and out of the room and I don't even have a notion of day and night anymore. With my eyes closed I lean back into the chair and listen to the steady sound of Christian's heart monitor. I hate those noises. Resolutely I stand up and walk around his bed.

"Hey Christian. You know, this has been going on for a while now and I think you should really wake up now…I know you can hear me, so please fight as hard as you can and wake up…" I wipe the tears from my eyes and clear my throat. "Because if this is your idea of forever…well it sucks…because you have to know that I won't be leaving your side until your wake up…and honestly the idea of being stuck in this hospital room forever is a daunting idea…my butt hurts, my back is killing me and I already ran out of M&M's."

I adjust the covers and brush my fingertips over his hand. I let my eyes quickly dart over the bruise on his head and carefully brush his hair from his forehead.

"I also think that nurse Nora wouldn't be all too happy with me if I had to stay here, because every time she walks into the room she gives me the evil eye." I place little kiss on his forehead I sit back down on the chair and place my hand over his. "She is bossy and I don't think she likes me very much…the other nurse whose name I forgot is nice, though." I look at his face and then at heart monitor for any kind of reaction but there is none. He hasn't moved or made a sound since they brought him into the room.

I pick up the iPad from the nightstand and scroll through the list and smile when I find the song I was looking for. Holding my breath I look at Christian as Pharell Williams starts singing "Happy" But there is nothing. I had hoped that this song would have triggered something.

With a sigh I pick up the Financial Times Christian's grandfather left here this afternoon and stare at the captions.

"It says here that the president of the U.S. had a tense meeting with a European president…" I look up from the newspaper, but there is still nothing. Skimming through all the captions I end up on the financial section and I start reading…" After thirty minutes of reading the most depressing articles, I close the newspaper and throw it to the side. "You know, I would have gone seriously mad at you if you would have woken up now…Jesus, Christian, I don't know how you can even stomach to read this shit…"

"Oh, I have some news Emma has a new piano teacher. She is mid-fifties and from what my mom told me she has been giving piano lessons since she was in college…I believe her name is Ms. Kathy."

I close my eyes fighting the fatigue I am feeling and that is when I think I hear Christian moaning. However I am not sure, maybe it was just my imagination.

"Christian, was that you?" I rise from the chair and bring my face close to his. His breathing hasn't changed though.

"Welch did a background check if that's what you are worried about and she came back without any red flags. Ms. Kathy never married and has lived her entire life in Seattle. Sebastian stayed with Emma during her first lesson and he thinks she is cool, so that has to mean something right?" I close my eyes when there is no reaction and briefly place my forehead against his. "Please… please, Christian, just wake up…I miss you so much and I am really worried about you…" I break out in sobs when I realize that he doesn't even smell like him anymore…his signature scent that I love so much is gone and replaced by the smell of antiseptics. Wiping the tears from my face with the back of my hand I stand up and walk back to the chair.

"I am really sleepy…" I say looking at Christian and entwining my fingers with his. "I am going to close my eyes for a little while, okay?"

 _I am standing with Christian in front of a huge cake, it is made from M &M's and I feel blissful and amazingly happy. I can hear other people but I only have eyes for the smiling gray eyes looking down at me. _

_Then I am dancing, we are somewhere inside and somehow I can't see my surroundings. I can only feel the happiness. However in the background there is a male voice singing about don't letting go and it is a lovely song. I can feel myself smiling and leaning my head against Christian's shoulder and even though I can't see him, I just know that it is him._

 _Then everything changes and I have my eyes closed and someone is brushing his fingers over my arm. I can feel the sun on my face and the person sitting next to me is talking. The voice is smooth and soothing and with a little sigh I let my body relax and take comfort in everything I am feeling and hearing. I am afraid of opening my eyes because I know that when I do the moment will be lost. I don't know exactly where I am but I think I can hear the sea and a weird beeping noise. I move restlessly and close my eyes tighter wishing the sound would just go away._

 _When I open my eyes I am suddenly standing next to Christian who is tightly holding on to my hand. He is wearing dark blue swimming trunks. He looks troubled and confused and when I look down I see a catheter bag hanging from his trunks. But instead of finding it weird it looks natural to me and I start giggling. "Are you laughing at me, Mrs. Grey?" I just smile and giggle and I don't want to ever wake up because this is how I always want to feel. His hands come up and then slowly he starts brushing his fingers over my hair._

 _The beeping sounds are getting louder and louder and someone is touching my head. No! No! I don't want to wake up._

"Go away, mom…please…let me sleep…" unconsciously I start to feel worried when I can't feel Christian's hand in mine anymore. The hand brushing my hair doesn't stop and with a sigh I lift my head and then I am met with confused, worried gray eyes.

"Christian?" I look from Christian to the door and behind me but my mom isn't there. I am alone in the room. I must be dreaming…slowly I turn my head to look back at Christian, and I gasp when his eyes are still open.

"You're awake…oh my God, Christian, you're awake…" I whisper. He doesn't respond he simply scowls as his eyes roam over my face. The scowl grows deeper when his eyes land on the bruise on the right side of my face.

"Do you still remember me?" My voice is trembling and I am almost afraid to look at him so I keep my eyes on my hands that are resting on Christian's bedside. Slowly I see his hand moving until he is holding on to mine. He squeezes and slowly I look up. His eyes have softened now and I see him nodding his head.

"You know who I am?" I whisper.

Again he gives me a little nod. "Oh Jesus, you have no idea how happy I am that you're awake…I need to call the nurse…" There is a firm shake of his head and he tightens his hold on my hand.

"Christian, I need to…" Now he scowls again and a giggle escapes my lips what makes his eyes crinkle at the sides. He tries to move and winces.

"Don't move okay…your shoulder…you have several stitches…the nurses they have changed the bandage several times now. Oh and they told me that it might be sore but the doctor told us that it was just a graze wound…" I am looking at Christian's shoulder when I feel him squeezing my hand again. When I look back at him I hear him whisper. "Stop talking…" His tongue darts out and that is when I notice how dry his lips are. Since he doesn't want me to talk I point to the glass of water on his side table. Maybe he is thirsty. Again he shakes his head and I feel the tears in my eyes. _What does he want? Doesn't he want me anymore?_

He licks his lips again and clears his throat. "You…said…yes…" He whispers. My eyes dart from his face to the heart rate machine and I can't stop the tears from falling.

"I did…" I admit.

"He hurt you…" He whispers and tries to lift his hand to my face. I stop him before he can hurt himself and take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles. "He is gone…he won't be able to hurt anyone anymore…"

"Don't cry, Ana…" He rasps.

"I was so worried…we thought…"

"Lie down with me…" He says cutting me off.

"I can't" I reply quickly. "You have an IV and a catheter…and then there is your shoulder, I don't want to hurt you…besides nurse Nora would definitely kick my ass if she saw me laying in bed with you."

"Fuck the nurse…lie with me, Ana…" _Yeah fuck Nurse Nora._

Five minutes later I've managed to climb into bed with Christian without hurting him. I have to admit that it was a bit tricky to squeeze myself in bed with him without touching the wires and tubes attached to his body. I just need to make sure not to move. Christian sighs contently and places his lips on my forehead. "I love you, Ana."

"I love you too, Christian, so much…and I am happy that you came back to me…"

 **Christian**

"I need my phone" The most two important women in my life briefly look at each other and then back at me.

"No!" They say simultaneously.

"I said I need my fucking, phone." Again they look at each other but this time they start laughing. _What the fuck is this all about?_

"Watch your mouth, Christian." My mother says firmly. "You might be lying in the hospital but it won't stop me from being your mother." I look at Ana for help but she simply smirks.

"Yes ma'am…" I mutter and decide to humor my mother.

"Good" She starts fussing with the bed sheets. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm good…" I clear my throat and try to hide the pain in my shoulder. "So, since I am feeling really good, how about asking Taylor to bring my laptop?"

On cue they both roll their eyes. "Christian, you have been unconscious for over 36 hours. You just woke up a few hours ago. The doctor still needs to do some tests and besides you need to rest." The look my mother is giving me tells me enough. _Discussion closed. Move the fuck on._

"Do you have any questions? Is there anything you need?"

"When can I go home and I need a shower, clothes and I want someone to get some food for Ana."

My mother gives me one of her smiles and slightly taps me against my arm. "It's obvious there is no permanent damage, son, since you are still your demanding self." I scowl and she laughs.

"You still need to stay in the hospital until the tests come back. Clothes are already taken care of…" Turning around she points at a bag in the corner of the room. "And I will take Ana with me to have lunch…"

My eyes immediately fly to Ana who is looking at my mom with wide eyes.

"I'd rather stay here with Christian, Grace…"

"You haven't left this room since he was brought in. I am going to drive you to Escala, you are going to have a long shower and afterwards we are going to have lunch because you barely had something to eat."

"You didn't eat?"

"I'll give you five minutes." My mother walks out of the room leaving Ana and me alone.

Smiling sheepishly Ana shrugs. "Your mom must think I am a bit smelly…since she wants me to take a long shower first."

"Ana, why the fuck didn't you eat?" I snap and I regret it the moment I say the words.

Her head snaps up and slowly she steps closer to the bed. "Because I was fucking scared to death that you were going to die! Before you were brought to the hospital you didn't respond, there was blood coming out of your nose and then the doctor told us that if that didn't stop they needed to do a craniotomy…" She takes a deep breath and takes another step. "Do you know what the means, Christian?" I shake my head slowly but something in her eyes tells me that I don't want to know what a craniotomy is. "A craniotomy is when a surgeon cuts a whole in your skull, removes a bone flap and then after the surgery the bone flap is secured back to your skull with plates and screws." _Christ._

"Come here…"

"No, no touching… because you have to listen to me and listen very carefully. From now on Taylor is going to be attached to your hip. Even though I am constantly shadowed by two CPO's you think that you are Superman and don't need protection, well you didn't only put yourself in danger but also the pilot and the flight attendant…"

"And you…I know, Ana…"

"I wasn't finished talking." She says sternly and then sighs. "I know that you wanted to be with me without Taylor or Sawyer lurking in the shadows…but do you know that he was probably waiting in one of the security cars? Do you know that we passed it and that he could have easily killed us then? Do you know that he hit one of the security guards unconscious, gagged him and left him for dead in a closed closet? Do you know…?"

"Stop it! Just fucking stop it…"

"No, I won't fucking stop because if the roles would have been reversed you would have gone completely ape shit on my ass!" She yells. Slowly she brushes her finger over her forehead and when she speaks again she sounds sad.

"The idea of losing you, Christian…I just can bear the idea..."

I extend my arm and I am relieved when this time she doesn't hesitate. "I'm sorry…" I whisper against her ear. "I am sorry that I put you in danger, I am sorry he hurt you…I am just so fucking sorry…"

She nods against my neck and kisses my cheek.

"Marry me here, Ana. I'll have Taylor get your ring and he can arrange a minister and we can get married here, now…" She tenses in my arms and then I feel her shoulders start to shake. At first I am worried that she is crying but then I hear her giggling and snorting.

Sitting back up she wipes the tears from her face and stares at me for a long time. "I am not getting married in a hospital…we both smell, we look like shit…besides you promised me a deserted island with no phones and I want a cake and my dad to walk me down the aisle and I want to see you standing there waiting for me…and I want a dress…"

"I don't smell…"

She giggles again and scrunches her nose. "Oh but you do, believe me." I smirk and take her hands in mine.

"What kind of dress would you like?"

She shrugs and shyly looks down at our hands. "I just want to feel like a princess…"

"Then let's set a date." I say firmly.

"You told me that you would take care of everything…just say the date and I'll be there."

"But what about Russia? Are you still going?"

"No I am not. I still have to call the editor-in-chief, something I am not looking forward to, but he probably gave the assignment to someone else…"

"If you still want to go, I will call him…"

"But I don't want to go, Christian. I promise…the closer I came to my departure the more nervous I got…I was very much aware of the risks. When I initially took on this assignment I was alone and had no one to answer to. My job is still important to me and I sometimes will have to travel, but I want to make the decision with you and maybe you can come with me…"

"As your assistant, because I am a kick-ass assistant."

She smiles and shakes her head. "You are the best assistant ever." _She lies like shit._

"So, this means that you are my fiancée now?"

"Crazy, right?" She whispers while her eyes fill with tears.

"It's amazing, Ana. Fucking amazing." I cradle her face in my hands and brush my lips against hers.

"Your five minutes are up. You are smelly, you need to go…"

"What's the rush?"

"I need to plan a wedding, baby"

Thirty minutes later I've prevented Taylor from quitting his job and I put everything in motion for the wedding. Sometimes it is really good to be me and I am getting really good and this Carpe Diem shit.

* * *

 **Author's note: Two more chapters to go. Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

 **Alner x**


	49. Chapter 49 - I solemnly vow…

**Chapter 49 - I solemnly vow…**

 **Anastasia**

Waking up with the sun shining in your face is one of the most amazing things in the world, but waking up with the sun shining in your face while you're in the arms of the man who you love and are going to spend the rest of your life with is simply extraordinary. Carefully I free my hand from under the pillow and stare at my engagement ring. It is perfect. And today I am becoming Mrs. Christian Grey. I am going to marry the only man I have ever loved.

"If I didn't already have a boner, I would definitely get one just by looking at that rock on your finger." Christian's whispers in my ear and moves his hips so that I can feel his erection rubbing against my ass.

Effortlessly he turns me around until we are facing each other. "Good morning, soon to be Mrs. Grey." His eyes roam over my face and a small smile forms on his sleepy face. "I can't believe that I will be waking up next to you for the rest of our lives. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen"

"Good morning, Mr. Grey." Quickly I brush my hand over my hair and roll my eyes. "I have the worst bad hair in the morning; I didn't remove my make-up from yesterday, I…" He silences me by kissing my lips.

"You look as beautiful as ever, don't ever fucking change, Anastasia…"

"Are you quoting love songs now, Mr. Grey?"

"Whatever it takes, baby…whatever it takes. But talking about love songs…" He turns around, grabs his phone from the night stand and smiles contently when music starts filling the room.

 _I met you in the dark, you lit me up  
You made me feel as though I was enough  
We danced the night away, we drank too much  
I held your hair back when  
You were throwing up_

Goosebumps spread all over my body when I feel Christian's warm hand sliding down my back and ass to my leg which he places over his hip. I do not know where it comes from but somehow tears well up in my eyes. The wedding rehearsal yesterday, hosted by Christian's parents was perfect. Having everyone we love together to celebrate this special day is beyond amazing. And then my father gave a short speech.

Flashback

" _Annie, as I look at you, I can't help but think back on all the years I was lucky enough to watch you grow and become the beautiful woman you are today. You captured my heart from the first moment you looked up at me with those beautiful eyes and giggled. And as the years passed I became more in awe of you. Annie, you are my little girl, my princess and no matter how old you are, you will always be those things to me."_

" _Christian, I am confident that you will take care of my little girl. Thank you for treating my daughter like the princess she is. I know in my heart that you are perfect for each other."_

" _Annie, tomorrow you are going to marry your Christian and I am confident that you and Christian are about to embark on a wonderful journey. Although the idea of letting you go makes me cringe, I couldn't be happier for you. May the two of you always treat each other with love, respect and compassion. I ask you all to join me and raise your glass to this wonderful couple. To Ana and Christian. I wish you all the best for a long and happy life together."_

End flashback

"Aren't you happy, Ana?"

"Are you kidding me, Christian? How can I not be happy? My fiancé planned and entire wedding by himself. He arranged for our closest friends and our family to be here, in Australia, to celebrate our wedding day. I am crazy happy"

"I didn't do it all by myself. Mia and Kate helped. As did your mom and mine…" I silence him by placing my finger on his lips.

"It is perfect, Christian. The location is perfect. The little white chapel…" I shake my head in amazement. "Is absolutely perfect…and those dresses…I have no idea how you pulled it off…" He shrugs and smiles shyly.

"So you picked out _the_ dress?"

"You didn't actually see the dresses right?" I whisper.

"No, Ana…" he says a tad annoyed. "Mia called Caroline Acton and she arranged for fifty wedding dresses in different colors and models to be shipped here to Australia, including three seamstresses."

"I was perfect. The dress is perfect. I never like to go shopping but that whole wedding dress fitting was an experience I am not going to forget anytime soon. Oh and wait until you see Emma…she looks precious in her beautiful dress."

"Then as long as you're happy, I'm happy…"

"You can make me even happier by telling me where you are taking me on our honeymoon…"

Smirking he shakes his head. "Are we going to stay here?" I press.

"Here? With our families? Are you out of your fucking mind, woman? No way."

"So then not here, here…but we are going to stay in Australia, right?" I pout, but my almost husband can't be persuaded.

"It's a surprise, Ana…" He says tapping my nose.

"But you already gave me so many surprises…"

"And scares…" He says and he looks worried for a moment.

"Yeah, well when you were suddenly standing in the bedroom three days ago and told me to get my equipment because we were going away…I was confused, but I went along with it. But when I saw Taylor parking the car on the Tarmac and I saw the jet…"

"I am sorry. Obviously I never thought about it…"

"But then I saw our parents, our brothers and sisters, your grandfather, Ethan, Mathilda…it was amazing, Christian. And then when we landed here in Australia Adam and Maggie were already here waiting for us. Everything you've planned is so thoughtful and tasteful…"

"Good, then I want to make love to you for the last time while you are still Ms. Steele…" His intense gray eyes bore into mine and all I can do I nod.

 _I knew I loved you then  
But you'd never know  
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go  
I know I needed you  
But I never showed  
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go_

* * *

"I can't believe you just couldn't stick to tradition and sleep in different beds the night before your wedding." My mother takes a careful sip from her tea and her eyes bore into mine. Turning around I look at Kate and Mia for help but they are staring at their hands. I roll my eyes and let out of long sigh.

"Really, Anastasia…" She starts again but I quickly cut her off. I mean for the love of God, we already had this conversation yesterday,

"Really, mom, the tradition of sleeping separately stems from the fact that the couple in question don't know each other in the biblical manner until after they have said "I do". Christian and I have known each other for more than five years; we have been living together this last month, so it is safe to say that we have known each other…biblically. And just so you know, we enjoyed our pre-wedding-cuddle." _Very, very much so._

My mother shakes her head and tries to hide her smile by lifting her mug in front of her mouth. "Well, I don't know why I am even surprised. It's not as you've ever done what you are told."

"Exactly, so let it rest."

Ignoring me my mom looks at Mia. "So Mia, tell me once more what the schedule for today is."

Mia, who has been assigned as the wedding planner, immediately jumps up into action. "Breakfast…first…" She points at my plate and rolls her eyes. "Ana, eat…" She says mimicking Christian's voice. My mom raises her eyebrow and looks at the still untouched croissant on my plate. Looking at her I bring the delicious piece of pastry to my mouth and sink my teeth into it. It looks and smells delicious but to be honest I am not really hungry.

"In thirty minutes the masseuse will arrive with Franco. While Ana is having her massage Franco is going to start with Carla and Grace's hair. Kate, Emma and I will be next and then Ana."

Like a little drill Sergeant Mia proceeds to share with us today's schedule. Masseuse, shower, hair. I groan softly and throw my croissant back on my plate.

"Then lunch will be served at 1..."

"So this means I get to see Christian during lunch?" I quip.

Mia rolls her eyes and pats my head. "No sweetie, you will have lunch with your family and Christian will have lunch with his. You will see him when you are walking down the aisle with your dad."

While Mia keeps droning on and on about the tight schedule I start tearing my croissant apart. I wish it was 7 already so that we could get this circus out of the way. I don't think I have the patience to undergo a massage and all that crap. I just want to put on my wedding dress and get married to Christian.

 **Christian**

I clench my jaw and stare at the phone in my hand, everything to keep me from looking at my brother. Because I swear to God, if my brother doesn't stop humming in my ear I am going to punch him in that ugly face.

Hoping that my mom won't notice I kick him under the table, my eyes strained on my phone. Elliot chuckles. "Is that all you have, little brother?" He mutters and then like the annoying shit he is, he starts singing again.

"But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old. Just say you won't let go. Just say you won't let go." He looks up and briefly looks at my mom who is calmly reading a book. "Ana and Christian sitting on a tre G…" He sing songs. And that's it.

"Will you shut your fucking face!" I yell making my mom and dad look up. My grandfather shakes his head and sighs.

"Christian! Watch your mouth young man!" My mother admonishes.

"Watch my mouth?" I practically yell standing from my chair with so much force that it goes flying backwards.

"He is constantly singing and muttering shit into my ear. And I promise you mom, that if you don't remove him from this room within the next fifteen seconds, I am going to punch his lights out. You think that coffee stain on his shirt was bad on his wedding day…just wait until you see his black eye…"

"And we won't be able to cover that up with his jacket, dear." My dad chuckles amused what earns him a glare from my mom.

"Mom, Christian is overreacting…you know me, I didn't do anything He started it…" He gives her those fucking puppy dog eyes and fuck it is like we are ten years old again. My mom is just staring at us and I don't know whether she wants to laugh or cry. _Probably the latter._

"Elliot, son…it's time for you walk…" My dad rises from his seat and motions with his head to the door.

My mother breathes a sigh of relieve when my dad and Elliot leave the room. She looks at me and then she gets that glassy look in her eyes.

"You look so handsome, Christian…and Ana…oh Ana looks amazing…she is gorgeous."

I get this lump in my throat and suddenly shit is getting real. "Has…do you know if she ate lunch?"

"She did…" With her hand on my face she stands on her toes and lovingly kisses my cheek.

"I love you, baby boy." She hesitates for just a few seconds and then places her hand flat on my chest. "I probably won't get to talk to you after the ceremony, but just so you know, even though you are going to be a married man, I am still your mom. I expect you and Ana every Sunday for dinner…oh and hurry up and make me a beautiful grandchild."

"Elliot got married first."

"I asked him too, honey." She says smugly.

"Mom…" I sigh. "Don't get your hopes up about a grandchild…"

"Oh hush…I made a wager with your dad." She turns around and walks towards the door.

 _Do I want to know?_ "A wager?"

"Oh yeah. I told him that Ana is going to be pregnant before this year ends…" _Don't think so mom._

She smiles knowingly. "Mom, know these things. Trust me, Christian. Besides I already hired an interior decorator for the guestrooms on the first floor."

"Why?"

"To turn it into a nursery of course!" She says rolling her eyes. "Your reaction is just like your dad's…you are really clueless sometimes." She blows me a kiss and closes the door behind her.

I turn to look at my grandfather for an explanation, I mean she is his daughter after all, but he holds his hand up in the air. "I am a member of that clueless group too, son. Don't ask me. Just don't ask me."

We both start laughing but immediately stop when we see my mother standing in front of the window, hands on her hips, shaking her head.

We fall into a comfortable silence but it is all shot to fucking shit when I look up again and stare at Pops aggravated face.

"I never got the chance to talk to you alone after you were released from the hospital, and this might not be the right place or time, but I am going to say it anyway. The stunt you pulled, by releasing Taylor of his duties knowing that Hyde was still on the loose, is one of the most idiotic things you have done in your life…"

"Pops…" Instinctively I want to brush my hands through my hair but then I remember that Franco is probably going to lose a nut, so instead I bury them in my pockets and brace myself.

"Don't you fucking Pops me…you didn't only disregard your own safety but also that of the woman you love and your employees…" He doesn't even have to raise his voice or shout to get the message across loud and clear. His stance and facial expression tells me enough.

"I know…"

"Do you have any idea what you put Ana through? Your parents and siblings?" I nod and hang my head down in shame. Because I do know what I put them through, especially Ana. Hyde was lucky to be dead because when I saw the security tapes I fucking lost it. The way he manhandled Ana made my fucking blood boil. And I am going to have to live with that for the rest of my life.

"I've learned my lesson." I saw looking up.

"Good. Now about that woman, Elizabeth Morgan…let me handle it. We know now that she hid that fucker in her apartment and that she helped him in everything he planned. I for once don't give a fucking damn that he was manipulating and blackmailing her with those videos he had of her. To me, as a lawyer, she is an accomplice and for that I will ensure that she ends up behind bars for as long as possible. After the ceremony you are leaving with your girl and spend three amazing weeks with her on your honeymoon. I will handle things with Welch and the rest of your security team."

"There is a satellite phone…" I stop talking when I see his raised eyebrow.

"Okay, you'll handle it…" I mutter. And frankly I am glad he is willing to take care of Elizabeth fucking Morgan. He nods his head and turns around and stares out of the window.

"Nervous?" Pops asks me turning around from the window that actually offers the view of the quaint little chapel where Ana and I are going to get married in less than one hour. Fuck! It's surreal. I am going to marry the only girl I've ever loved. It is finally going to happen.

"No, I am not nervous. I am excited; I can't wait to marry her." He smirks and sits down on one of the chairs.

"Not nervous? Then why the shaking hands, son?"

I smirk back and shake my head. "Because I really wanted to hit my brother!"

Pops laughs throwing his head back. "He can be an annoying shit when he wants to."

"So do you have any advice for me?"

"Ana reminds me a lot of your grandmother." He says staring at the floor with a little smile playing on his mouth. "She is warm, compassionate and determined to be independent. Ana has a quiet confidence, she is humble but strong, and she is giving but not naïve. But what I absolutely love about her is that she chooses her battles wisely. Ana is a woman who stays silent until it is time to fight and when she fights, she wins."

"When I asked your grandmother to marry me, I promised her that I was going to show her the world, that I would take her out to dinner every weekend and buy her everything she wanted. Do you know how she replied?"

"No…" I clear my throat and I realize that my grandfather never shared this with me before.

"She said; Theo, I don't need expensive things, I don't want the world. I want the little things. I want you to make me feel like I am your priority." He looks back up and smiles.

"And that's what I did until the day she had to go. Make her feel special, Christian. Tell her everyday how beautiful she is. Kiss her cheek, tell her every day you love her, don't ever go to sleep angry, hold her hand and protect her. Just the little things, son."

"The little things…" I whisper. "I can do that…" I am distracted by someone running past the window, squealing. My grandfather chuckles and shakes his head. "That girl was always so damn loud." He mutters but smiles lovingly when Mia bursts through the door. Her face splits into a huge grin as she looks at me.

"What are you doing here, Mia?" I say taking a step towards her. My first thought is that she came here to tell me that Ana changed her mind and doesn't want to marry me after all. But then I see her fighting a smile.

"That's no way to great your amazing sister." She smiles. "Start again…or else…"

"Or else what?" I say crossing my arms in front of my chest.

She rolls her eyes. "Or else I won't give you this!" She pulls a white envelope from behind her back and waves it back and forth in front of her face.

I smirk and take a step closer. "Mia, is that from Ana?"

"Yup…" She says shaking her head and backing away. "But you can do much better than that."

I roll my eyes and look at my grandfather for help but he looks at me as if I have completely lost my mind. "Okay…hi Mia, you look lovely in that dress…now give me that." I say really quickly then step forwards kiss her cheek and pull the envelope from her hands.

"Grandpa!" She wines.

"I am too old for this shit." He mutters. "Come let's leave your brother alone for a while." She pouts and looks at me and her eyes soften. "You look really handsome, Christian."

"How is Ana doing?"

"She looks beautiful. Her parents are now with her. Her mother can't stop crying and gosh Emma looks so cute."

"But Ana is fine, right? Is she nervous?"

"No, she isn't nervous at all." Mia frowns. "She was just telling us that she was so excited and that she couldn't wait to see you." She gives me a watery smile and sniffs. "Go read that letter."

The moment Mia and my grandfather leave I lock the door and stride to the chair by the window. I brush my fingers over my name written in Ana's elegant handwriting. Ripping open the envelope I take a deep breath.

Dear Christian,

I can't believe we are in Australia and are getting married in less than a few hours. All of our family and friends are here to join us in celebrating this happy day. I can't even put into words how happy this makes me.

The day that I met you (even though you were yelling at me) was the beginning of the rest of my life. At that time, I didn't know that that's what it was. When I met you I didn't understand just how much you would come to mean to me and how much we would become connected.

Since the day we met, we've been though our fair share of struggles, but we have been through more fun, crazy, and incredible moments than I can count.

One of the best moments includes the day that you asked me to marry you. I love the fact that you followed your brother's advices and seized the day. Like Orison Marden once quoted; "Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities, seize common occasions and make them great" And that is exactly what you did when you got down on one knee and asked me to be your wife. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. And when you placed the ring on my finger a few days later, I saw in your eyes what that meant to you, to us. A lifelong investment of love, happiness, and crazy times. I promise to give you more each day than the last.

I will always support you through the good and the bad. I will grow and change with you, because even in these past few years we have changed a lot and in different ways. We now know that growth and change only makes us stronger.

I will always keep challenging you and rolling my eyes even though I know it might make you angry and your palm twitch. I will try to inspire you because you have inspired me in so many ways. I also promise to love you more each day. This may seem cliché, but I will never stop loving you. I will never let the spark that we felt during our first (shitty) date die. The fact that you didn't run to the hills when I almost shit my pants in your car proves how much you already loved me back then.

Lastly I will promise you that I am yours, and that I will love you in sickness and health, in richer and poor until death do us part. That is what you do when you love someone. You stand by them no matter what, and that is that is exactly what I plan on doing. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives together and the best times are yet to come, the best memories are yet to be made and I can't wait.

 _Carpe diem_

 _Seize the day_

 _Carpe Noctem_

 _Seize the night_

 _Carpe Omnia_

 _Seize everything_

Because any one moment you let slip through your fingers is one you'll never get back!

I love you,

Anastasia

 **Anastasia**

"Annie…" My dad swallows. "You look beautiful, princes. You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen."

"Oh, Anastasia…" My mother cries. "Look at you…just look at you." Softly her fingers touch my hair and wordlessly I take the handkerchief my dad is offering me to wipe my mom's tears.

She gives us both an embarrassed smile and takes a deep shuddering breath. "You have no idea how many times ever since you were a little girl, I pictured you on your wedding day and here we are now. My little girl is getting married to her best friend. Christian is a good man and I know that he will lay the moon and the stars at your feet to make you happy. I love you so very much, Ana…" A tear trickles down her cheek and I feel mine too and damned be the dress, the hair and the make-up, not being able to hold back any longer I wrap my arms around my mom's neck and bury my face in the crook of her neck. I giggle when I feel my dad awkwardly patting my back.

"I am so proud of you, Anastasia." She sobs. "So proud of the woman you've become." She sniffs and cradles my face in her hands.

"I want you to never forget, that even though you will become Mrs. Grey in a matter of minutes, Ray and I are still your parents and we will always be here for you. You are still our determined, stubborn and precious little girl. Be happy, Anastasia." With a last kiss on my cheek she turns to look at Ray.

"We did a good job, Ray." She smiles.

"We sure did…" He says gruffly.

* * *

"Hold on to my arm, you are going to be just fine." My dad chuckles. We are standing in front of the closed, wooden doors that lead to the chapel where Christian is waiting for me at the altar.

Looking down I see my little sister with a basket of flowers in her hand. "Okay Emma, you know what to do, right?"

She nods and points at the basket in her hand and then back at Sebastian who looks incredibly handsome in his tux. "You look like a princes, Em" I smile and lean down to place a kiss on her cheek. "And you look very handsome, Sebastian." He rolls his eyes and fights a smile.

"You don't look so bad yourself, big sis…now I should say break a leg, but we all know how dangerous that can be with someone like you." He jokes. My dad chuckles and nods his head.

"Oh shut up! Both of you!"

"Seriously, Ana…" He clears his throat and glances quickly at my dad. "I couldn't imagine having a better sister. You look very pretty. Kick ass."

A backdoor opens and Adam casually walks in, camera in his hand. "A few more minutes, shortcake." He winks holds his camera up and points at the door. "But first a few photos with your dad."

"Okay, enough." I say when Adam keeps making pictures. "Now I remember why I like to be on the other side of the camera." I mutter.

Adam laughs and hands me my beautiful wedding bouquet with turquoise calla's and orange lilies.

"It's time." My dad whispers.

I nod and take a few deep breaths when Sebastian and Emma disappear through the door. I wrap my arm around my father's and feel my nails digging into the fabric of his tux.

"I got you, Annie. Deep breaths and focus on the tall, copper haired guy standing at the altar."

"Dad, please don't let me trip…" I say with my eyes strained on the door. "I am really nervous right now…"

"Never, Annie. Besides do you remember what I told you the first day I brought you to school? When you where afraid to go in?"

 _Flashback_

" _Daddy, I don't want to go…" I look up at my dad who is towering over me. His big, gruff hand tightly holding on to mine._

" _Uhm, I think I have a tummy ache, daddy…I think I should go home and you should make me tea…I love your tea, daddy…" There are a lot of kids and they are all yelling and running and I just want to go home._

 _I tighten my grip on his hand when I feel my dad moving but then I see that he is sitting on his haunches. "But you have this great new My Little Pony back pack mom bought for you…"_

" _But I don't like horses, daddy…I mean not really…" My dad chuckles and I bite my lip thinking about a way to get me out of here._

" _We could go home, daddy and eat mommies' cookies…" This makes my daddy laugh really hard. His body is shaking and he has tears in his eyes._

" _We never eat mommies' cookies, Annie…" Oh yeah, mommies cookies always end up burned or tasting funny._

" _Daddy, I just want to go home…"_

" _Look at me, Annie." I don't want to but I do anyway._

" _You are a Steele, right?" I nod my head and I feel my bottom lips trembling and I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes._

" _And what does daddy always say about being a Steele, Annie?"_

" _We Steele's are brave, strong and …" I look around me and whisper the last word. "Badass…"_

" _Exactly. You are brave, strong and badass."_

 _End flashback._

And then the Processional music starts. I see Sawyer and Taylor opening the door. They both turn around at the same time and nod their heads. "Ms. Steele" _I am brave, strong and badass._

Surreal is the best way to describe the moment I enter the chapel. I feel myself smiling and I can feel the pride emanating from my dad as he walks beside me, his strong arm keeping me steady. Briefly I make eye contact with my mother who is crying and smiling at the same time and then I dart my eyes to Christian. My smile gets impossible bigger and I can't tear my eyes off him. The way he is looking at me warms me and dazzles me. He is smiling, his hands clasped in front of him and wearing a beautiful dark blue tuxedo. Even his hair is combed into submission. He smiles and cocking his head to one side and mouths the word 'stunning'

 **Christian**

The doors open slowly and I watch Emma shyly walking down the aisle, her eyes fixed on Carla who has her hands in front of her mouth while the tears are trickling down her cheeks. Every now and then Emma looks at her big brother who gives her an encouraging smile.

"Here she comes, little brother. Enjoy this." My brother takes a step back the moment the processional music starts and I keep my eyes glued to the wooden door. It feels like forever until I see Ana walking towards me with the most beautiful smile on her face. The first thing I feel is the overwhelming feeling of relaxation coming over me. _She is here._

Stunning. She simply takes my breath away. Her wedding dress is perfect and a little bit dreamy with the flowing skirt. Her hair is partially held back with what I think are white flowers, while the curls softly bounce up and down. She is a vision and I am so lucky that she choose me.

My eyes are still on Ana when her father takes her hand in his and kisses her forehead, then he turns around and places his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you see that look on her face? I never saw it until the day she met you. Today I am giving you the best I have to give. Cherish, love and honor her." He says placing her hand in mine. Ana carefully places her bouquet of flowers on a little table next to her and we turn around to face the celebrant

And even though we are not supposed to kiss just yet, I just can't fucking help myself. I lean down and place a soft kiss on Ana's forehead.

The celebrant clears his throat and we both turn to look at him.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, the joining of two hearts. In this ceremony today we will witness the joining of Christian and Anastasia in marriage. Today we have come together to witness the joining of these two lives. For them, out of the routine of ordinary life, the extraordinary has happened. They met each other, fell in love and are finalizing it with their wedding today."

"Romance is fun, but true love is something far more and it is their desire to love each other for life and that is what we are celebrating here today."

"Christian and Anastasia have decided to write their own vows since they feel that vows are personal and reflect the unique relationship with your partner and no one can describe those feelings better."

Ana smiles probably remembering the fight I caused between my brother and Kate because I suggested to my brother that he shouldn't bother writing his own vows but stick to the traditional ones. It was mostly the word _obey_ that got Kate's panties in a fucking twist.

"Christian, your vows, please." The celebrant nods his head and I tighten my hold on Ana's hand.

"Anastasia, from the moment our paths crossed, you've surprised me, distracted me, captivated me and challenged me in a way no one ever has. I have fallen in love with you time and time again, countless times, without reservation."

I close my eyes briefly and take a shuddering breath and I feel Ana's thumb grazing over my knuckles. When I open my eyes I stare at her smiling eyes and I feel the calmness coming over me.

"I promise to be true to you, to uplift and support you, to frustrate and challenge you, and to share with you all the beautiful moments in life. Someday, if the stars align, I might even let you win an argument." She giggles softly and I give her a tiny smirk.

"No matter what trial we encounter together or how much time has passed, I know that our love will never fade, that we will always find strength in on another and that we will continue to grow side by side."

"I believe in the truth of what we are, and I will always love you, with every beat of my heart."

"I. Christian Trevelyan Grey solemnly vow that I will safeguard and hold you dear and deep in my heart our union and you. I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, regardless of where life takes us. I will protect you, trust you, and respect you. I will share in your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need. I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side. All that is mine is now yours. I give you my hand, my heart, and my heart from this moment on for as long as we both shall live. In you I have found the love of my life, I love you Anastasia."

When I see the tears running over Ana's face I brush my thumb over her cheeks and when she lifts her hand and does the same to me I realize that I am crying too.

She smiles through her tears look at the celebrant who gives her a slight nod and I watch my girl squaring her shoulders.

"I promise to give you the best of myself. I will share my time and my attention and, bring joy, love strength, and imagination to our relationship. I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams. I pledge to face challenges toe to toe with you. I will do my part to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

"Christian, if nothing else, I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being. I hope you realize your importance, not only to me but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you are feeling down, I only ever strive for your happiness. I hope you remember that no matter what, I am here for you and I fully intend on staying in your life for quite some time. I hope you recognize that I appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that this will never change. I promise to love you in good times and bad with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how, completely and forever."

I am barely able to resist myself in taking Ana in my arms and kiss her. But as if she can read my mind she smiles through her tears and quickly shakes her head.

"I love you, Ana…" I whisper. Because that celebrant be damned but I just can't hold back any longer.

"I love you too…" She mouths.

"Christian and Anastasia. I would ask that you always treat yourself and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together today.

Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves. When frustration and difficulty assail your marriage, as they do to every relationship at one time or another, focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong.

This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and happiness.

And then my favorite parts comes.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey, do you take Anastasia Rose Steele to be your wife?"

"I do."

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her forevermore?"

"I do"

"Anastasia Rose Steele, do you take Christian Trevelyan Grey to be your husband?"

"I do." She says loud and clear.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all other holding only unto her forevermore?"

"I do"

We are both smiling and I can hear people sniffling but I can only focus on the beautiful woman standing before me, my wife.

"Who has the rings?" The celebrant smiles at Emma who has been standing next to Mia the entire time. Emma walks to us holding a little white basket in her hands.

"The ring is a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken. "Christian, as you place this ring on Ana's finger, repeat these words after me."

"This ring symbolizes my desire that you be my wife from this day forward. As the ring has no end and neither shall my love for you."

Ana's hands are shaking so badly that I have to tightly hold on to her hand. When I finally slide her wedding band on her finger I almost burst into tears.

"Ana, as you place this ring on Christian's finger, repeat these words after me."

"This ring symbolizes my desire that you be my husband from this day forward. As the ring has no end and neither shall my love for you."

Smiling Ana slides the white gold band on my ring finger and never in my life have I felt this happy.

"To make your relationship work will take love. This is the core of your marriage and why you are here today.

By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. Christian, you may kiss your bride."

"At last" I whisper before I brush my lips over my wife's. "I love you, Ana…" Taking her beautiful face in my hands I seal our vows and commitment to each other with a kiss.

"I love you too…" She whispers against my lips.

"Family and friends, I would like to introduce, Mr. and Mrs. Christian and Anastasia Grey."

The moment the words have left his mouth I once more take her face in my hands and kiss her again.

Never letting go each other's hands we embrace our parents and start walking away. She squeals when I lift her up bridal style and start walking with her to the door she came through with her father. I need to have her alone.

"What are you doing, Christian?" She laughs.

"I need you alone for a few minutes…and I have a surprise for you."

"But, Christian…this has been one hell of a surprise…"

"You are my wife…" I say silencing her by placing my lips on hers. "And my wife requested a cake…a very specific cake to be exact…"

I place her back to her feet when we enter one of the churches side rooms. There is a table set for two with a huge cake on top.

"You look magnificent, Ana…you took my breath away when I saw that first glimpse of you…"

"You look so handsome, Christian. And we are married! Oh my God, we just got married!"

 _I can hardly believe it myself._ "Fuck, yeah…we are married. Happy?"

"Crazy happy!"

"Where's that cake?" She giggles. I turn around and point to the table. Entwining our finger she takes a step forward and brings her other hand to her mouth.

"An M&M's cake, Christian?" She looks at me and then back at the cake.

"You wanted an M&M's cake…" I shrug.

"But the guests…"

"The guest will have another cake. But we won't be here for the cake cutting…"

"We won't?"

"No, in a few minutes after we have enjoyed our own piece of cake we are going back to our families and friends, I am going to do the required speech and then I am going to take my stunning wife to our honeymoon…"

"Splendid idea, Mr. Grey."

"I knew you would like it, Mrs. Grey…"

 **Anastasia - Two days later**

This feels like a déjà vu. Christian is whispering sweet little words in my ear while brushing his fingertips over my warm skin. I can hear the waves and the birds and the sun feels amazing on my skin.

"Wake up, Mrs. Grey…"

Lazily I open my eyes and look down at Christian's legs. "Thank god, you don't have the catheter bag hanging from you leg…" I giggle.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

I explain the weird dream I had while he was in the hospital and then he starts to laugh so hard that the hammock starts swinging back and forth.

"Does your shoulder hurt?" The scar still looks scary to me even though Grace removed the stitches just before we left to Australia.

"No, it doesn't…" He moves his shoulder a little and shrugs.

"I never asked you, but did you hear anything while you were asleep?"

"Bit and pieces…" He remains silent his fingertips brushing along my tattoo. I sigh contently and close my eyes again.

"We could stay here." I mutter. "Forever"

"hmmm…so you don't want to go to see Sydney, Melbourne…"

"I didn't say that…" I raise my arms above my head and stretch my body. "I love it here…I mean a private island, no phone, no people…just us. It's perfect. This is paradise…"

This is our Someday.

 _The end_

 **Author's note;**

 **First I would like to thank you all for taking this journey with me and reading my story. It has been a crazy ride and I have thoroughly enjoyed writing Someday.**

 **However I couldn't have done it without one person. I 'connected' with her while writing my first story. She asked me when the hell I was going to update, I replied and that started a very special friendship that I hold very dear. And who knows…maybe someday I will get to meet her in person. She will drink mate and I will stick to my favorite, white wine. You know who you are, thank you.**

 **Also a big shout out to Deerhunter00025 and her story "Fifty Shades of Rumbling" Go and read it! I promise you are going to laugh.**

 **Again, thank you all so much for reading my story. Epilogue will be up in two weeks.**

 **XXX**

 **Alner**


	50. Chapter 50 - Epilogue

**Chapter 50 – And they lived happily ever after…**

 **Epilogue**

 **Christian**

The most amazing thing in the world is watching my son waking up. The way his eyes flutter, the way he stretches those little arms above his head, the way he brushes his hair from his forehead…and then as if he knows I am here, he turns his head, adorned with messy copper colored hair and he gives me the most breathtaking smile ever. Theodore Raymond Grey and Anastasia Rose Grey are the two people who make my life bright and happy.

If I wouldn't have them I would probably still be working non-stop, yelling at my employees, eating alone every single fucking meal and making Taylor's life unbearable. At this point I have breakfast with my family before heading off to GEH, I still yell at people but somehow I got stuck with Ana's little voice in my head and I think I yell less and I even like to think that my CPO's life has become a whole lot better since Ana decided to give me that second chance.

Pushing away from the door I smile back at my son and in a few strides I am standing in front of his crib.

"Mmmomy…" He mutters. I smile and shake my head. "It's daddy, Teddy. Can you say daddy?"

"Mmmommy…" He squeals, throws his feet in the air and reaches with his arms for me and opens and closes his hands.

Pushing the blanket aside I lift him out of his crib and pull him against my chest. His lays his head on my shoulder and sighs contently. "It's a big day today, buddy." I gently tap his back and walk to the handmade rocking chair that Ray especially made for his grandson. It is situated in front of the window overlooking the Sound.

"Mommy is coming back from Greece and we are going to surprise her. Are you ready to wear your suite?" He babbles back something unintelligible, lift his head and looks at me with wide blue eyes.

"I know right, little man. Mommy is going to be super surprised." He smiles back, which he always does when he hears the word "mommy"

The bond Teddy and Ana share is amazing and filled with love and laughter. I hold him a little tighter and kiss his forehead when I think back at the day we found out Ana was pregnant.

Flashback

"Good night, Taylor."

"Good night, Mr. Grey"

I hurry through the hall, where I carelessly toss my briefcase on the floor and start pulling at my tie as I make my way towards the kitchen where I most likely am going to find my wife. I frown when I don't hear the usual sounds. There is no clatter of pans, no music filling the room. The kitchen is shrouded in silence. Maybe she is reading or maybe she wants to go out for dinner and is sitting in the back patio enjoying a glass of wine.

"Ana!" I yell.

"Oh Mr. Grey, you scared me." Gail comes walking out of the pantry in her hand a grocery list.

"Gail." My eyes go from the list in her hands to her startled face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but I was expecting to find Ana." My eyes go back to the list in her hands as she starts to fold and unfold it. She looks down at her hands and nervously places the grocery list in one of her pockets.

"Mrs. Grey left this afternoon. I thought she told you, Mr. Grey." She says softly.

I grab my phone and check my e-mails and messages, but there is nothing from Ana and now that I think about it is rather odd since she always sends me a sweet message or an e-mail telling me about her day or simply to tell me she loves and misses me.

"Sawyer went with her?"

"No, Sir. She was in a hurry when she left and…" She looks at the door probably hoping for a miracle.

"And?" I bark.

"And she seemed upset…"

"Was she crying? Was she sick? Did she hurt herself?"

"She wasn't crying, Sir, but she seemed…nervous. She even left her camera bag…"

"And Ana never leaves her house without her camera…" I finish for her.

"That's correct." She answers.

"Thank you, Gail." Quickly she scurries out of the kitchen leaving me confused and with panic brewing inside me. This is very unlike Ana. First she never, ever leaves without Sawyer and secondly if an assignment would have come up, no matter how small, she would have told me. She always does and she would have taken her camera with her.

My fingers are shaking as I dial Welch number.

"Mr. Grey."

"I need to know about Mrs. Grey's whereabouts…" I choke. The pounding of my heart against my chest and the buzz of blood in my ears makes it almost impossible for me to hear Welch.

"Her car is parked nearby Pike Place Market, Sir. Her phone shows that she is at her old apartment complex." So she must be visiting Mathilda. But why the fuck didn't she tell me?

I end the call with Welch and immediately dial Ana's number. As I expected it immediately goes to voicemail. I try calling her five more times with no luck. I am about to call Taylor when I hear the front door opening. There is a loud crashing sound and soon after I hear her giggle.

She is humming and singing softly when she enters the kitchen but stops dead in her tracks when she sees me leaning against the counter.

"Well…if it isn't our …our…" She hiccups and quickly brings her hand to her mouth.

"Are you drunk?"

"Pfff…nooooo, whatever makes you think that?" She is holding on to one of the barstools trying to keep from falling.

"I don't know you tell me. You can barely stand and you can't even string a coherent sentence together." I cross my arms in front of my chest and resist the urge to throw her over my shoulder, take her upstairs and spank the ever living shit out of her.

She huffs and nervously starts shifting her feet. "I am not…I can…"

"Where have you been, Ana? And why wasn't Sawyer with you? Why the hell didn't you pick up your phone and who brought you home? Because I sure as fuck hope that you didn't drive home in this state."

"Alone…" She mutters. "I needed to be alone…"

"Why?"

She straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin and I feel the mother of fights coming up. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and when I take a step towards her I see the paleness in her face and the dark circles under her eyes. _What the fuck is wrong with her?_

"I don't need to explain myself to you."

"What did you say?" I whisper horrified.

"I think it would be best if we discussed this tomorrow…" Toeing of her shoes she starts to sway and nearly topples over. "Oh, crap…the fucking room is spinning…"

Since I can't stand seeing her like this I lift her in my arms, bridal style, and carry her up the stairs.

"Please don't hate me, Christian…"

"I don't hate you, Ana; I could never hate you…"

"But you are…you are going to hate me…" Those are the last words she says before she falls asleep in my arms.

* * *

I am livid. Furious. I feel as I am going to burst out of my own skin in a matter of seconds while I watch my wife bringing her hand to her head and slowly lifting herself in a sitting position.

"Oh fuck" She groans.

"You can say that again." I say my voice cold and detached. Her head snaps in my direction where I am sitting in one of the chaise lounges.

"Christian…it's late shouldn't you be at work?"

"It is Saturday, Ana."

"Right…it's Saturday" She whispers and gives me a fake smile. Her face falls when I don't smile back.

"What's wrong?"

"You tell me, Ana." I grab the five small packages from the floor and throw them on the bed. Her eyes get impossibly wide and she slowly looks up at me. First there is fear but then it gets quickly replaced by anger.

"You went through my bag?"

I groan and pull my hair. "The contents of your fucking bag where all scattered in the hallway, Anastasia. And I found them this morning when Justin fucking Callahan came to bring back your phone!" I yell.

"Don't yell…" She whispers grabbing her head. "My head…"

"At this moment I don't give a flying fuck about your head. When the fuck were you going to tell me that you are pregnant, Anastasia? Or did you just discuss this with that asshole and never thought about telling me!" I dig my finger into my chest. "I am your fucking husband, Anastasia…"

"I am not…I mean I am not sure…I…"

"Just stop with the rambling!" I scream and start pacing the room. _How the fuck could this happen?_

"Christian, please listen to me…" I turn around and even though I thought it was impossible I get even angrier when I see the tears on her face.

"Stop with the fucking waterworks, Anastasia. It is time to pull on your big girl panties and confess what the fuck you were doing at that fucker's house yesterday!"

"I wasn't at his house…I was at Mathilda's… he happened to be there. I think he drove me home since I …"

"Since you where drunk out of your fucking skull!" I scream. "Pregnant and drunk, Ana! Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"I'm sorry…"

"You are sorry? Sorry? Sorry is an oops, an oh I am sorry I just stepped on your toe, or sorry I just spilled my drink over your clothes…but this!"

"I'm afraid, okay!" She yells back. She buries her hands in her hair and leans her head against her knees.

"I am not even sure if I am pregnant…" She says lifting her head. "I never took the tests…Christian. But what I do know is that I am not ready to be a mother…a child is a huge responsibility… our alone nights will be numbered; babies cry all the time, Christian. And then there is the lack of sleep. A child is going to affect every single aspect of our life…I just turned 26 a few days ago and sometimes I can't even take care of myself." She is rambling and panicked. She is wringing her hands and looking at me with pleading eyes.

"And I mean how could this even happen? I never miss my appointments with Dr. Greene. Ever."

"I am sure I don't need to tell you that the best way to prevent a pregnancy is abstinence and we sure as fuck are not going to stop having sex!" I growl.

"But we are not ready for this! Christian, I am not ready!"

"What the fuck are you saying, Ana? Are you saying that you don't want our child? A baby we created out of love…" She wipes the tears from her face and just stares at me. Her face is horribly pale and then it seems as if realization sets in.

"I…am going to be sick…" She jumps out of bed and runs towards the bathroom. I immediately follow her, crouch behind her and hold her hair back. I feel her body convulsing and shaking and even though I am still mad at her for being so irresponsible, immature and so fucking stupid, I lean down and kiss the back of her head. _Ana, what am I going to do with you?_

"I told you, you were going to hate me…" She whispers as reaches for the towel to wipe her mouth.

"I don't hate you, Ana; I could never hate you…" I sigh. "I just wish you would have told me. I wish you would have called me and I would have come home immediately. We would have handled this together. But instead you left the house unprotected and ended up at Mathilda's…"

"I never told her…I haven't told anyone…" She cries. "But I was so afraid…I panicked. It planed on driving to the pharmacy to buy those tests so I drove to Pike Place. After I bought them I didn't know what to do…I wanted to drive to GEH, but then I remembered that you told me that you had back to back meetings the entire day so I immediately dismissed that idea. So I started walking and I ended up at my old apartment…"

"Come here…" I tug at her arm and with her eyes downcast she climbs on my lap and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

"The next time you need me; you call me or have Sawyer drive you to GEH. I don't care if I am in a meeting with the Queen of England. You are all I care about, Ana."

She nods against my neck and tightens her hold on me.

"How are you so sure that you are pregnant?" She tenses but stays quiet.

"Ana…please, baby."

She shudders and I feel her arms falling away. "It started a few days ago…my breast where feeling incredibly sensitive. I was also feeling 'off', like not myself. But then yesterday I started having this weird pain in my belly and I thought it was just because my period was due…" She looks up at me.

"Panic really set in when I realized that I was late…and I am never late, Christian. I just know I am pregnant and that makes me a horrible person and mother…"

"It is going to be all right." I say as bravely as possible because I won't help her if I start to panic now too. Because if I am honest, the idea of Ana being pregnant terrifies me. Not because I don't want this child but because she is right. A child is a huge responsibility and we decided that we would wait in having children and I was getting used to the idea. We have been married a little over six months and they have been the most amazing months in my life. Every time I need to travel for GEH, Ana joins me and when Ana got an assignment in Denmark a few months ago, I went with her. We have fallen in an incredible routine and the thought of that coming to an end terrifies the living shit out of me.

"I am going to set you down and I am going to get those tests from the bedroom."

"Okay." She whispers.

* * *

"How long?"

"We still need to wait two more minutes." I say glancing down at my watch. Ana has her face buried in my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist.

"Okay, two minutes and we will find out if our lives are going to change forever" She says with a shaky voice. "Tell me something funny…"

I place my lips on the top of her head and inhale her scent. "Something funny you say?"

She nods against my chest. "Make me laugh or something…" She shrugs.

"Well, I am pleased that we have shared another first." I grin even though she can't see me.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you pee for the first time." I chuckle when she buries her fingers in my sides and playfully pinches me.

"I said to tell me something funny, Christian. Not something embarrassing." She groans. "I can't believe I did that." _Neither can I._ Must have been the state of shock she was in.

Glancing down at my watch I take a deep breath and with my wife still tangled around me like a vine I take a step forward. "Do you want to look together?"

"You do it, please."

Never in a million years had I imagined myself at the age of 27 staring down at five positive pregnancy tests. This is not how I imagined it. I don't know how, but not like this. Not after an epic fight with my hung-over wife. I thought it would be romantic and playful. But here I am fighting a mental breakdown. I need to be strong and brave for her. Because if this is terrifying for me, how the fuck does she even feel? In my head I am already making a list; buy pregnancy books, because the more I know about what she is going through the better I can help her. Reschedule all my appointments for when Ana has a doctor's appointment. I need to make her feel as relaxed as possible. I mean stress can't be good for her or the baby. _Oh fuck… a baby._

"Christian, you stopped breathing." She whispers.

"We're pregnant." I whisper "Ana you are pregnant…"

"Okay…okay…" She whispers and detangles herself from me. She doesn't turn around to look at the tests. Hell she doesn't even look at me. Numb I stare at her retreating back as she walks back into our bedroom. It takes a few minutes for my legs to react. I find her standing in front of the window. Her body looks so fucking tense.

Since I don't know what she is thinking or feeling right now, I stand closely behind her without touching her. For the first time in a long time I feel tongue tied. I don't know what to say to her.

"Talk to me, Ana. Please."

"You want honesty, right?" She says with a strangled voice.

"Yes." I croak.

"Well, I feel horrible. Shocked. I feel like I deserve the award for worst fucking mother of the year. I could feel it in every fiber that I was pregnant and it still didn't stop me from drinking. That makes me a horrible person. I've read so many stories from women who found out that they were pregnant and how happy they felt. And I need you to believe me when I tell you that I really want to be happy, but I am not."

"You're shocked and afraid. And that's understandable, Ana. I'm afraid too."

"You are?" She turns around and it seems like there is a little hope in her eyes.

"Fuck yeah. I mean what do I know about babies?" The widening of her eyes tells me that I just said too much and probably not something she wants to hear. "But I am kind of happy. I mean can you believe that we somehow created a baby together?"

"But what if I suck at being a mother? I don't know anything about babies…Oh my god, what if I drop him? Or forget him somewhere? Do you know how many times I forget things?" _Keep your mouth shut, Grey._

"Ana, you are going to be a wonderful mom. Our baby is going to adore you and worship the ground you walk on. And how can you say you don't know anything about babies. I have seen you working with them. And I am sorry to say this but some of them were some nasty little fuckers and with just talking to them in that funny kind of way you were able to calm them down."

"But that's work, Christian."

"And what about Emma? She is crazy about you, she adores you, Ana and you love her so much and are so great with her."

She shrugs. "Emma is my little sister…"

"And you are amazing. Baby, we are in this together. Do you think I will let you be a bad mother?"

"No, you wouldn't."

* * *

We spent that weekend on the Grace. Far away from our security and our family, who have the tendency to visit us whenever they fucking please. It was a fantastic weekend where we talked about the future and what changes might occur. It was terrifying and exhilarating at once.

Three days later, on Monday, Dr. Greene confirmed that we really were expecting a baby. Ana's due date was mid May.

It was that same day that I found Ana in the library holding the ultrasound picture in her hand and listening to our baby's heartbeat that I had recorded on my phone. I stopped when she started talking.

"Hi there little baby I am your mommy…" Brushing her finger over the ultrasound picture she bites her lip. "I am sorry about the way I reacted when I found out about you, but I want you to know that you are very welcome and that I already love you so very much. I promise you that from now on I am going to take really good care of you and that I am going to be the mother you deserve."

She giggles and sniffs. "So I've been reading some pretty daunting shit since I found out I was pregnant. But let's make a deal; I promise to feed you lots and lots of M&M's if you promise me no morning sickness, no swollen feet, no pimples and oh please no mood swings. But I feel that we are going to be just fine you and me, because we are in this together and since you are partly a Steele, I am going to let you in on a secret that only Steele's know about. We are brave, strong and badass." She smiles down at the ultrasound and whispers. "I love you little intruder."

* * *

Seven and a half month later our son decided that it was time to meet his parents. During labor my wife underwent a complete transformation. She went for the loving, sweet and caring woman to a woman possessed. It felt like I just entered the fucking twilight zone.

So here I was feeling totally out of control watching my tiny wife trying to push out a baby. And to fucking think I was prepared for this. _No one is ever prepared for this._

Like the good husband I am I went to birthing classes and even watched videos of women delivering their children. I took a fucking tour of the hospital even though I own half the damn building. I even read "What to Expect when you're Expecting" and I became a fucking expert of the Lamaze breathing technique. _Hee hee hoo._ Really I felt like a moron and when Ana started laughing that day I knew I actually looked like one too.

"You are doing great, baby…concentrate on your breathing…"

"Well, they fucking lied at that stupid Lamaze class." She hisses. "This isn't calming; this isn't relaxing, because it fucking hurts…" I have no idea where she gets the strength from but gripping the collar of my shirt she pulls me to her until our noses are almost touching.

"After I have pushed our baby out…I am going back on the shot and every time we have sex you are going to wrap that thing up!" _Condoms? Is she fucking kidding me?_

"Baby… this is the pain talking…" Wrong words.

"Pain? You think this is pain? Pain is fun compared to this, Christian! And this is your entire fault! It feels like I am on fire from my chest to my toes and it feels like I am being ripped in half!" Why is this my fault all of a sudden?

"Don't look at me like that Christian Trevelyan Grey! Yes. This. Is. All. Your. Fault."

"I'm sorry." I tell her and at this point I mean it. I can't stand the fact that she is in so much pain and that I can't help her. There is nothing I can do for her. I decide to keep my mouth shut and help her anyway I can and only to speak when I am told to.

Three hours later our beautiful and perfect baby boy is born and then another miraculous thing happens.

While Carla, my mother, Carrick, Ray and Bob are fanning and cooing over our little boy, Emma is watching closely from a distance.

"Emma, do you want to hold Teddy?" Ana asks.

She nods after looking at Carla and I'll help her on the bed next to Ana. We are all watching as Ana explains to her little sister how she is supposed to hold Teddy.

"Emma, meet Teddy. Teddy this is your Aunt Emma." We all smile when we see Emma's eyes widening. Carefully she leans down and places a kiss on his forehead. Then she turns her head to look at Ana. "Teddy." She whispers.

We all gasp. She just spoke her first words. Emma just spoke her first words after almost two years of silence.

"Yes, Emma that's Teddy."

Emma nods proudly and leans down again and places a kiss on his cheek. "I love Teddy." And even though her voice sounds hoarse and strange it is the most beautiful sound I've heard in ages.

End Flashback

"Don't fall asleep on me again, buddy." I rise from the chair and place him on the changing table. He is looking up at me with those huge blue eyes and his little fist stuck in his mouth.

"I know what you are thinking." I say tapping his nose. "You are contemplating whether you are going to pass on daddy today, aren't you?" He squeals even though he has no fucking clue what I just said.

"Why don't we practice on saying daddy…can you say that, Teddy? Say, daddy…"

"Mmmommy…"

"No, it is daddy. Come on, buddy. You know what; I'll make you a deal. You say 'daddy' and I will give you ice-cream." I lean down until my mouth is near his ear. "Chocolate ice-cream" I whisper.

"Mmmommy…"

"Well I guess you miss mommy, huh? Well, I miss her too. One week is too long, right?"

Exactly one week ago we said goodbye to Ana. She went, accompanied by Sawyer, to a refugee camp in Lesvos, Greece. The intention was to make a documentary about the living conditions of the many refugees in Europe. The second day after her arrival she called me crying. She couldn't handle the many women and children she encountered. Women and children, who need protection from sexual violence and trafficking. It broke her heart to see those little children healing from the trauma they had endured.

She asked me to anonymously donate money to provide the families with hygiene kits containing essential items like towels, soap and toothbrushes. To help build an emergency latrine to help keep camps disease-free and the most important, food. So I did, of course. And yesterday she texted me that she wants to start a fundraising campaign.

Ana is still the proud owner of "Ana photography and Art" However, since Teddy's birth she is much more selective about her assignments. She doesn't do anymore weddings and she only has GEH and Kavanagh Media on retainer.

She also volunteers at the hospital where she gives fun and relaxing photography workshops to children who spend long periods of time in the hospital.

"Knock! Knock! Look who's here!" Teddy startles at first when he hears the hard knocks on the door but then his frown turns into a grin when he hears that it is Elliot. _Always so fucking loud._

"Can't you just be quiet for once in your life?" I hiss.

He ignores me and starts jumping around and clapping his hand trying to draw Teddy's attention.

"It's Uncle Lelliot!" Putting his hand on Teddy's stomach he pushes me away and starts blowing raspberries on my son's belly and neck. Teddy is laughing and giggling while grabbing Elliot's curls.

"How is my favorite little dude doing?"

Teddy starts babbling and I swear to God that every time he sees my brother he does this thing with his tongue and it really sounds like he is saying Elliot. I would never, ever admit that to my brother, though.

"What the fuck is he wearing, Christian?"

"Will you stop with the swearing?" I brush my hands through my hair. "I am going to be in so much trouble when Ana finds out he can say the word F.U.C.K…"

Elliot grins. "He says F.U.C.K., but he doesn't say daddy…" He laughs and lifts Teddy in his arms.

"FU…" Teddy says looking at Elliot.

"Yup, little man. That's right." He turns around to look at me and frowns. "But seriously Christian, what the hell is he wearing? Why does he look like a mini-Christian?"

I look at Teddy's little gray suit and I smile proudly. He really does look like a mini-me.

"It's a surprise for Ana. He took his first steps the other day and I want to surprise her…"

"With him looking like a monkey?"

"If you weren't holding my son, I would kick you. Give him back." I take my son back from my brother and kiss his forehead, simply because I can and he smells so damn good. "First, don't ever call my son a monkey again and second, what the hell are you doing here?"

He shrugs and starts fidgeting with the baby powder on Teddy's shelf. I sigh, pull the bottle from his hand and place it back on the shelf. _Fuck, he is worse than a kid!_

"Kate is out with Mia, they are having a Spa day…"

"And you came here to eat." I say finishing his sentence.

"Yup. I just love Gail's cooking." He replies wiggling his eyebrows.

"It is Gail's day off, so peanut butter and jelly sandwiches it is."

"As long as I can sit next to mini-man. I don't care."

* * *

"So how is your wife's cooking coming along?" I ask as I sit down at the table. Teddy is sitting in between me and Elliot and I frown when I look down at his clothes. I don't think I really planned this out because it will only takes seconds and he will be covered entirely in peanut butter. Including his tailor made suite.

"No comment" He says shoving the entire sandwich in his mouth. _Disgusting._

I laugh and he flips me of behind Teddy's back.

"So and when are you going make mom happy? The dust in the pink nursery is accumulating"

"I can't have a girl, man" This makes me laugh again.

"Elliot the fact that mom painted that nursery pink doesn't mean…" I stop talking when I see the paleness in his face.

"Are you telling me that Kate is pregnant?"

He swallows and nods. "We just found out a few days ago but, Christian, I am not fit to be a girl's daddy. What is she asks me how many girlfriends I've had? What if she comes home with the biggest loser in town? I'll go to jail and you probably with me!" He will go to jail no matter what, but I don't think this is the best time to mention this little detail.

"Congratulations, Elliot. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks man" He takes a deep breath and rises from his chair. "I'll leave you two to it. Want me to pick him up tomorrow, so you can spend a little time with Ana?"

"Nah. They are probably going to be attached to the hip the moment Ana steps through that door. We'll see you at mom and dad's Sunday for dinner."

* * *

"Teddy, look at me buddy." I kneel down in front of my son and I feel my cheeks hurting from the smile I have on my face. They way he is looking up at me is unexplainable. Full of trust and love.

"Mommy is about to arrive. Taylor just entered the gate…"

"Mmmmomm…" He mutters and immediately puts his fingers in his mouth. He starts wobbling on his legs and I gently sit him on the floor.

"Okay, this is what we are going to do. When mommy enters the door I am going to put you back on those wobbly legs, I will give you the flowers we bought for mommy yesterday and then you'll walk up to her and hand them to her."

He smiles and points at the flowers lying on the table. "Yeah the flowers! Smart, little man!"

I see him frown when he hears the car stopping at the door. We hear specific sounds of opening and slamming car doors and then he hears Ana's voice. "Thank you, Taylor"

His little mouth forms a beautiful pout and when the door opens and he sees Ana he starts clapping his hands and moving his legs. "Mommm, mommm…"

"Oh my God! I've missed you both so much." _Tired. She looks tired, but beautiful nonetheless._

"Hi…" She says looking at me. Dropping her bag at the door she is about to start moving when I stop her.

"Please do me a favor and stay at the door." She frowns.

"No, I want to…"

"Ana…please. We have a surprise."

"Okay…" She nods her eyes darting from me to Teddy.

"Sit down on the floor." She frowns and I can't see that she isn't all too happy about it but complies anyway.

Peeling my eyes away from my beautiful wife I focus my attention back on my son. Placing him on his legs I whisper in his ear. "Go and walk to mommy…" Holding on to his hands I help him getting steady and when he finds his balance I release his hands.

Slowly he takes the first step concentrating on his goal. _His mother._

"Oh my God, Teddy…you are walking…" Ana has her arms spread out wide waiting for Teddy to get to her. Grabbing the flowers from the table I slowly follow Teddy.

"And look how handsome you look…you look just like daddy, Teddy…so handsome."

When he is just a few steps away from Ana he starts losing his balance, but Ana reacts quickly and scoops him up in her arms. They are both giggling when she starts peppering his face with little kisses.

"You smell like peanut butter." She says laughing. "I can't believe I missed your first steps?" She whispers in his ear.

"When I left he could only stand?" She says looking up at me.

"We were talking on the phone the other day and I had you on speaker. He was sitting on the floor, playing but when he heard your voice he rose to his feet and came walking to the sound of your voice."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me…" She turns to look at Teddy and kisses the tip of his nose. "So you've been keeping secrets from me."

I sit down beside her, place the flowers on her lap and wrap my arm around her waist. "I fucking missed you." I whisper in her ear.

"I missed you too." She brushes her lips against mine and just like I knew would happen our son starts to call her.

"mmmmoommy…moommmy…." He starts slapping on the flowers and pointing to me.

"These flowers are beautiful, Teddy. Did you buy them with daddy?"

"We sure did." I answer for Teddy.

"Well thank you very much." I wink at Ana and lean forward to kiss her but then there is the little intruder who doesn't like it when I kiss his mother. I take his hand in mine and give him a little smirk and slowly press my lips against Ana's.

"Da Da Da! No!"

I am stunned. Absolutely fucking stunned as I stare down at my son's scowl. He has managed to climb on Ana's legs and has his little arms tightly wrapped around his mother's neck.

I shake my head and ignoring the evil eye he is giving me I take him from Ana's arms and start kissing him.

"Say it again, Teddy."

"Da!"

Sometimes the sweetest things take up the most room in your heart.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **And they lived happily ever after…**

 **I've had many people asking me if I am going to write another story. The answer is yes, but life is hectic at the moment, giving me little to no time to write. So for know I am going to take a step back and start outlining a new story I am thinking about. However, I have absolutely no idea when I am going to start posting.**

 **Lastly I want to thank you all again for reading my stories. Your thoughts, comments and reviews mean the world to me and are very much appreciated.**

 **Take care!**

 **Alner X**


End file.
